Author has written 4 stories for Darkest Powers, Harry Potter, Merlin, and Miracle.
Always listen to the experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it.
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
Don't underestimate your abilities, that's your boss's job.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.
"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists
"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter
"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.
"Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."
"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.
"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.
"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.
"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.
"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.
"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.
"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.
"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.
"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.
"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.
"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.
"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.
"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.
"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.
"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.