HELLOS PEOPLES OF THE INTERNET AND BEYOND!!! XD

I am Chibi Russia-Kun, but my friends call me Eiri! [Full fake name is Eiri "Yuki" Braginski]

I finished high school only to go to a technical school. (*inner voice* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!) I'm finished with school, so now I have to get a job. (*even louder* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Why?) O.o

If you wants to knows me, here's some stuff about moi: ;p

I am a guy, but I may or may not be Bi. In other words, I like girls, BUT I'M OBSESSED WITH YAOI!!!

P.S. I think I might be crazy. At least that's what the voices tell me. ;)

My personality is varied: In public, I'm like Russia. In private or on the Internet, I'm like Hungary! With friends, I'm both in one.

I LOVE ANIME!!!! You must love anime. Live anime. Eat anime. Choke because you tried to eat anime.

I live in the place where America and Mexico fought for a pair of glasses. (San Antonio, Texas, if you don't get it.)

I'm an American!!! Who also has parents who are Mexican... Uh... I'M A MEXICAN-AMERICAN!!! (*I can eat McDonalds' and Tacos as much as I want!!!*) XD

My favorite books/movies/games/shows are:

Hetalia: Axis Powers, Death Note, Bleach, Naruto, Pokemon, Code Geass, Ouran High School Host Club, DBZ, Gantz, Fullmetal Alchemist, Cowboy Bebop, Gravitation, Yu-Gi-Oh!, FLCL, Azumanga Dioh!, Yotuba?!, Rosario Vampire, Rurouni Kenshin, Fruits Basket, Big O, Lucky Star, Soul Eater, Battle Royale, Card Captor Sakura, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Devil May Cry, Kingdom Hearts, Glee, and Supernatural.

And now, time for random stuff!

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people whom like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART (Bold means I've done it)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of MM's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed...

Or are planning to do any of these things

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!

25 TRUTHS OF LIFE...

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. (too true. to true.)

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it! (you mean that those species are from the same planet as I? jk, jk.)

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat

The Ouran Alphabet

A is for Academy, which is where the Ouran students attend

B is for Boy-Lolita, which is Mitsukuni Haninozuka

C is for Cosplay, which the Hosts do every day

D is for Debt, which is 8 million yen

E is for Emo Corner, which is Tamaki's depression spot

F is for Female, which is Haruhi's true gender

G is for Guy, which Haruhi has to dress and act like to pay off her debt

H is for Hikaru, who is the confused one of the Hitachiin Twins

I is for Innocent, which Honey claims to be

J is for Jealousy, which Hikaru expresses towards Haruhi and Arai

K is for Kaoru, who is the sweetest of the Hitachiin Twins (and the best...)

L is for Love, which is the feeling that Hikaru doesn't quite understand

M is for Mori, who is the strong and silent type

N is for Nekozawa, who will put a curse on you if you don't watch your back

O is for Ootori, which is a big name in the medical business

P is for Puppet, and its name is Belzeneff

Q is for Quiet, which basically describes Mori

R is for Roses, which every Host Club member has in their own color

S is for Swimsuit, which the Hitachiin brothers would like to see Haruhi wear

T is for Tamaki, who considers himself as the "King" of the Host Club

U is for Usa-chan, which is the name of Honey's stuffed bunny

V is for Vocals, which Renge uses a lot

W is for Wonderland, where Haruhi had seen her mother

X is for X-Ray Vision, which the Hitachiin Brothers wish they had

Y is for Yaoi, which the Ouran show has a lot of thanks to the Hitachiin Twins

Z is for the Zuka Club, which Haruhi was almost forced to join

If you have never heard or seen the Ouran Alphabet before until now, copy and paste this into your profile

Copy and paste this bunny into your profile to help it achieve world domination. Come to the dark side (we have cookies.)

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

(0.0)

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!

7. Money, Money, Money: Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. (Reason I joined) I'm just evil... It fits my personality

Please copy and paste this onto your profile if you believe, as I do, that the things listed below are horrible and inhumane.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Just some things you need to know to survive….

(1) la-de-da-de-da

(2) The world is going to end so go bite off your big toe and be done with it….

(3) Black is the purdiest color of the rainbow…

(4) Most of the time the true geniuses are truly insane…

(5) I do not suffer from insanity… I enjoy every waking moment of it!

(6) Santa Claus is just a fat drunk guy in a red suit with fur…. Or possibly Michael Jackson… Or Orochimaru…

(7) MY SPORK CAN SO KICK YOUR SPORKS ASS!!….

(8) No woman does not like gay porn!!…

(9) Snack Packs are the nummiest pudding thingies out there!…

(10) Life’s Rough… Cry me a river and build a bridge over it!…

(11) You should listen to the voices in your head…. THEY HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS!

(12) And Finally….

COME TO THE DARK SIDE, WE HAVE COOKIES!!

Work vs Prison

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.

AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.

AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON... you get your own toilet.

AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required

AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.

AT WORK... they are called managers.

So why is it, again, that we work?

60 Ways to Annoy a Cop

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer? There's no blood in my alcohol"

2. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you wanted to race.

3. When they talk to you, pretend you are deaf.

4. If they ask if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...

5. When they ask why you were speeding, tell them you had to buy a hat.

6. Ask them where they bought their cool hat.

7. Refer to them by their first name.

8. Pretend you are gay and ask them out.

9. When they say no, cry.

10. If they say yes, accuse them of sexual harassment.

11. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.

12. If they ask you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.

13. When they asks you to spread them, tell them you don't go that way.

14. When they put the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first"

15. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers.

16. After you sign the ticket and give it to them, say "Oops! That's the wrong name."

17. Bribe them with donuts, and when they agree, tell them sorry, I just ate the last one.

18. When they come up to the car say "License and registration please" right when they say it.

19. When they go to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!"

20. Trip and fall into them.

21. Accuse them of police brutality when they push you away.

22. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with their pen.

23. Chew on the pen, nervously.

24. Clean your ear with the pen.

25. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

26. Ask them if they ever worked in a prison. If they say yes, ask how the plumbing was.

27. Act like you are retarded.

28. When they're telling you what you did wrong, start repeating them, quietly.

29. Or mumble to yourself.

30. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE?

31. When they come to the car, say I have a badge just like yours!

32. Ask if they watch Cops.

33. Ask if they ever watched Cop Rock.

34. Giggle if they did.

35. Talk to your hand.

36. Ask if they know somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends.

37. Accuse them of Sexual Harassment if they do.

38. When they frisk you, say You missed a spot, and grin.

39. When they ask to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it.

40. Try to sell them your car.

41. Ask if you can buy their car.

42. If they take you to the station, ask to sit in front.

43. Play with the siren.

44. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.

45. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.

46. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.

47. Ask if they ever had pu-tang.

48. If they ask what it is, point at them and giggle.

49. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in languages.

50. When they act confused, keep talking, look at them and laugh.

51. When you are in the back, touch their neck through the fencing.

52. Turn your head and whistle.

53. When they pull out their night stick, say what you gonna do with that.

54. If you are of the opposite sex, say I don't do that on the first date.

55. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, su*ck your thumb, and whine.

56. Ask if you can see their gun.

57. When they say you aren't allowed, tell them "I just wanted to see if mine was bigger."

58. Stare at their lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"

59. Tell them you like men/women in uniform.

60. Ask if you can borrow their uniform for a Halloween party

A POEM I FOUND ON CHILD ABUSE! PLZ PASS IT ON!

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there motionless

Brawled on the floor

My name is tiffany

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me

And you can help

Sickens me top the soul,

And if you read this

and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person

To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do

Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE

I Have A Few Questions . . .

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do stairs go up or down?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

When French people swear do they say “Pardon my English?”

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If a person with Multiple Personality Disorder threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry

that I bought you roses

to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry

That I was raised with respect

not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry

That my body's not ripped enough

to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry

that I open your car door,

and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry

That I'm not cute enough

to be "your guy"

I'm sorry

That I am actually nice;

not a jerk

I'm sorry

I don't have a huge bank account

to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry

I like to spend quality nights at home

cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry

I would rather make love to you then just screw you

like some random guy.

I'm sorry

That I am always the one you need to talk to,

but never good enough to date

I'm sorry

That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,

but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry

That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,

but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry

If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry

If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry

that you can't realize I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry

If you read this and know somebody like this

but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry

For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry

That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry

I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good

enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry

I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry

That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry

That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry

That I cared

I'm sorry

That I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there are never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes that mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If you're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as "Girls Don't Realize These Things"

~Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.

~I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I'm not.

~Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

~Boys are like slinkies. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

~When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then.

~Guns don't kill people. People kill people.

~If guns don't kill people, then can I blame all my misspells on my pencil?

~I know I just said 'Guns don't kill people. People kill people.' But I think that guns help! I mean, not much would happen if you just sit there and yell 'BOOM'

~My friend overheard some people talking about me. How weird I was, how creepy, how wrong. But I just said 'I feel sorry for them' because I have a friend who told me, while their friends would sooner be the ones saying it.

~You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

~A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

~Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.

~No I won't go to hell! They have a restaining order against me!

~I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

~Life isn't trying to pass me by; it's trying to run me over!

~You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.

~I talk to myself because mine are the only answers I accept!

~The extinction of the dinosoars was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

~Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

~When in doubt, make words up!

~The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

~If you're going to be two-faced sweetie, at least make one of them pretty!

~Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.

~Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!

~Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Of, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.

~Before you criticize a person, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!

~An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

~Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

~There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEAT PIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

~Newscasters are the people who tell you "Good evening" and then procede to tell you why it's not.

~Two things are infinite; infinity, and human stupidity.

~Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible?

~Don't you dare tell me that the sky is the limit while there are footsteps on the moon!

~I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

~Don't hit kids. Seriously, they have guns now.

~WARNING- lost kids will be sold to the circus

~I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.

~WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!

~There are two kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.

~Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

~If I throw a stick, will you go away?

~If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.

~I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

~I like you. When I rule the world your death will be quick and painless.

~God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman.

~Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door

~When there's a will, I want to be in it.

~Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

~We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

~You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

~It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

~If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

~Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks.

~Don't frown, even when you’re sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile

~Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

~Music is love in search of word

~My heart is not a playground

~To a guy love is only a chapter but to a girl its her whole book.

~When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

~"Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it?

~I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

~You never know what you're capable of until you see what you've done.

~You know, I just might to have to send my dictionary minions to attack you with words consisting of three syllables or more. You'll never withstand it.

~"Good! Good! Good! You're wrong, but you're wrong in an interesting way!"

~Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

~The difference between Genius and Stupidity is that Genius is limited

~When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

~I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

~To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

~If someone says there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if someone say that there is wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

~I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

~My favorite word is sarcasm.

~I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

~Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

~All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Mental Hospital Phone Menu:

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

Just to tell you, if you have read every word so far it means that you definitely ARE crazy or weird, and you should DEFINITELY put at least those ones on your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class skyclad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

BE WARNED: I am not good at spelling.

I hope you folks reading this on your laptops or cell phones enjoy my stories. If you don't, then I guess I'll have to kidnap Russia and take him to Belarus for their wedding.

Russia: Nooooooooo!

Belarus: Yes!!! Big Brother, now we can become one!!!

Me: Not yet! Only if people don't like my stories. Ok? Remember, only you can keep Russia safe from his sister, Belarus. Enjoy!