Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Shit happens, find a toilet

Life’s a bitch, put it on a leash.

If hate breeds more hate, then wear a rubber and hate all you want.

Who says beggars can’t be choosers, I could have just robbed you

When life throws you lemons, cut’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.

When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.

When life throws you lemons, throw them at someone else.

My girlfriend is a cannibal...she eats kids by the millions.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.

Whoever came up with ‘Sticks and stones...’ obviously didn’t take into account the viciousness of today’s youth.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a

truck. Then the truck backed up and ran them over again.

If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy

When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN LIKE HELL!

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur

"Bullets... my only weakness. How did you know?" Officer Palumbo - Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

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