Author has written 3 stories for Sammy Keyes.
If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile .
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile
If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you are a mile away from them AND you have their shoes.
-Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
-You see, I used to be normal. But then I learned to read. So, the normalness went right down the drain! My dad blames my first grade teacher...
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
-They laugh because I'm different...i laugh because they're the same.
-A good friend will comfort you when you're boyfriend breaks up with you...but a best friend will go up to him and ask "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
98 percent of teenagers smoke or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, put this on your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vise versa put this on your profile.
If you have ever burst out laughing for absolutely no reason at all, put this on your profile.
If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, paste this on your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
Don't point a finger at anyone, cause 3 more are pointing back at you. Try pointing your finger and 3 of your fingers are pointing back at you. Now you are laughing cause you tried this and look stupid for pointing your finger at a wall.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this into your profile. haha yeah i'm smart :)
Your a book-aholic if...
You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it.
Everything reminds you of the book.
You quote random lines all the time.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class
You've read a book more than five times.
You've read a book with 400+ pages in less than two days.
You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character
Annoying things to do on an elevator:
SAY -DING at each floor.
SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
Ask, "Did you feel that?"
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
Swat at flies that don't exist.
Tell people that you can see their aura.
Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
Put police tape in front of the door before entering.
Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.
Hold an auction.
Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.
Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.
Throw a rave.
Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."
Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.
When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"
Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"
Have a heated debate with yourself.
Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.
Drum on every available surface.
Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.
Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.
Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.
Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.
Propose to the other passengers.
Challenge people to duels.
Sell girl scout cookies.
Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.
Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."
Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.
Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.
Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.
Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.
Shout "Food fight!"
Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.
Elevators were practically MADE for river dnce!
Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"
Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops
moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.
Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.
Practice your kung fu.
Make race car noises when people get on and off.
Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"
Fly a model airplane.
Play the accordion
Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.
Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.
Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.
Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."
Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.
Start laughing maniacally like "muwahahahahaaa!!!!!!!"
16 ways to maintain a Healthy level of insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars, see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put a garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their Caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance to the Prophecy".
7. Don’t use any punctuation.
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Specify that your drive thru order is "To Go"
10. Sing Along at the Opera
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON I WON!!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
15. Tell your children over diner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
16. Send this to your friends to make them smile, It’s called therapy.
15 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I chose you!"
Is it rude for a deaf person to sign with food in his/her mouth?
Why do they always do tests of the emergency broadcast system, but didn't use it on 9/11?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
A friend bails you out of jail. A best friend sits next to you saying, "Man, we messed up big time. Let's do it again once we get out of this dump."
A friend talks you out of running away. A best friend asks, "Do you want help? I could give your parents death glares when you're gone."
A friend helps you when you fall. A best friend rolls around laughing and trips you again.
A friend helps you find your way when you’re lost. A best friend is the one putting magnets near your compass, stealing your map, and giving you wrong directions.
A friend helps you learn to drive. A best friend helps you roll your car into the lake to collect the insurance.
A friend will go to a concert with you, a best friend will kidnap the band with you.
A friend hides you from the cops, a best friend is the reason they're after you in the first place.
A friend stops you from publicly making an idiot of yourself, a best friend is up there making an idiot of herself with you.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
She's my best friend. You break her heart, I break your face.
(Say to a boy) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could to if you hit a bit harder.
I'm the type of girl who manages to plan whole world domination in history class.
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago.
It's us versus the world... we attack at dawn!
Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.
90% of girls would have a breakdown if they saw Justin Bieber on the edge of a skyscraper getting ready to jump. Copy and paste this if you would be in the 10% sitting in deck chairs with popcorn screaming "DO A BACK FLIP!"
99.9% Of girls would die from lack of oxygen if Aeropostle and Abercrombie & Fitch said it was uncool to breathe.
Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
1. There are more boys than girls in the world
2. People will always be human... won't they?
3. It is impossible to lick your index finger while looking up
4. You just tried number 3
5. You are laughing at number 4
When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies eyes
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Never suffer from insanity, enjoy every minute of it
-1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you
I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.
Sarcasm is a girl’s best friend.
- Me and my girls, we don't just turn heads, we break necks.
- I'm not random you just can't think as fast as me
- When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
- I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper.
Teacher: What is this?
Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass.
Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass?
Kid: The cow ate all of it.
Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow?
Kid: It left because there was no more grass.
teacher: where is your homework?
boy: i ripped it up and spread it across the playground
boy: to keep away the elephants
teacher: what elephants?
boy: see its worked!
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. (I don't own this)
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on
I'm not a girl who goes through every shop looking for the perfect shoes. I will go into VANS or Converse and pick up the first pair I see... if they fit. I love reading and would rather be reading at home than attending Black Friday shopping. I don't need 1,000 people stomping on my feet...
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
Normal is just a setting on washing machines
If you just sat here and read this whole thing I respect you because you took your time to read this long thing.
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