Jack Alpha 03
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Joined 03-15-11, id: 2792930, Profile Updated: 05-11-14
Author has written 1 story for Alpha and Omega.

Just an average guy who enjoys the great talent on this website.

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.


The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was

born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When

I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you

go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Post this on your profile if you hate racism


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Life On Helghan by Voccio reviews
A story about a man's journey through the Helghast army. Strong language.
Killzone - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Suspense - Chapters: 20 - Words: 24,931 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/13/2011 - Published: 3/19/2011
Lone Grey Wolf by TheChriZ1995 reviews
Humphrey jumped on the train and left Jasper Park to become a lone wolf. Now Kate has to go find him and bring him home. Will she be able to bring him home? Or will Humphrey be too hurt to come home. Read to find out
Alpha and Omega - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,343 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 7/12/2011 - Published: 5/3/2011 - Kate, Humphrey - Complete
I saved your life by Scarlet Moons reviews
"I hate you! I wished you were dead!" Kate snarled in Humprey's face. Kate and Humphrey are arguing again, but it leads to a nasty turn out. In the bushes, crouched a hunter, gun pointed at Kate. One-shot.
Alpha and Omega - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,428 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 12 - Published: 6/8/2011 - Kate, Humphrey - Complete
Dead Space: Playing the Game by EcoSeeker247 reviews
What happens when Isaac somehow gets his hands on the first Dead Space? Out of curiosity, he decides to play it, and soon, the others are joining in on the fun of seeing their game counterparts come to life. Rated T for mild suggestive humor & language.
Dead Space - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 58,435 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 6/6/2011 - Published: 3/9/2011 - Isaac C., Nicole B., C. Mercer, Kendra D. - Complete
Cheaters Never Prosper by ChocolateBrownPegasi reviews
Chapter 13 edited! Humphrey and Lilly are having problems with Kate and Garth. What is their problems you ask? Only one way to find out. "Is that enough proof for you?" I said bitterly. Rated K for mild language.
Alpha and Omega - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,021 - Reviews: 196 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/30/2011 - Published: 3/10/2011 - Humphrey, Lilly - Complete
Tales of a Roach by Gazlover12-Canada reviews
Read about random one shots of the 141 men and their stupidity. Review? Warning, contains some adult humor stuff...:p NOT SLASH!
Call of Duty - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,137 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 4/4/2011 - Published: 1/11/2011 - Gary Sanderson/Roach
Partners in Crime by StarscreamPrime reviews
An alternate ending to the movie where Kate and Garth did get married and Humphrey and Lilly both leave the park out of grief.
Alpha and Omega - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 18,029 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 3/31/2011 - Published: 2/8/2011 - [Humphrey, Lilly] - Complete
Parenthood Squared by bluecatcinema reviews
Humphrey and Kate are now mates, as are Garth and Lily. But are any of them ready for the next step?
Alpha and Omega - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,554 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 3/3/2011 - Published: 2/11/2011 - Humphrey, Kate - Complete
Sly 4: The Way of The Thief by Grimm Gun reviews
After a vicious attack on one of their own, the gang reunites to lay the Cooper line's true inheritance to rest. Thrills! Chills! And Romance!
Sly Cooper - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 142,893 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 2/5/2010 - Published: 8/27/2008
War In The North reviews
Humphrey leaves Jasper heart broken and suddenly finds himself in Russia fighting for his life and for his new family.
Alpha and Omega - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 28,941 - Reviews: 239 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 5/12/2014 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Humphrey, Kate