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Joined 04-03-11, id: 2820081, Profile Updated: 12-20-11

-Do you get distracted easily? Do you end up daydreaming and forget to finish someth-

-I'm in love with Darkest Powers right now!! If u are in love with it too copy and paste this.

-Copy & paste this on ur profile if ur against child abuse and drunk ppl

-If you have ever dreamed or wished that a book character was real copy and paste this in your profile.

-If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever tried to put you foot behind you head, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

-If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

-Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune

-If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile

-There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree, copy and paste this and put it in your profile.

-If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile

-If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vise versa copy this into your profile.

-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, Copy this into your profile

-If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile

-If gum has ever fallen out of your mouth while you were talking, copy this into your profile

-If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

-If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you continue to only fall in love with ficitional boys, copy and past this into your profile. (Derek Souza, Jacob black)

-If Fanfiction is to you what Facebook is to other people, copy & paste.

-If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you love DEREK SOUZA post this on your profile.

-If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you can easily finish a thick, chaptered novel in a day, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If your part of the .0000000001 percent of people who does NOT have a MySpace, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you will never smoke, do drugs, or anything else in that field, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you're easily confused or confuzzled add this to your profile

-If you think you are really random, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

-If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer!

-If you have ever had a moment when you could only think CRAP, copy and paste this onto your profile

-you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

-If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

-If you love your ability to read, write, and own a Library card more than you love school copy and past this into your profile

-If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

*If you have read my profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.*

-If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3.

-Only fteefin prenect of poelpe can raed this. fI you are one fo taht prenect, cpoy and pstae tihs itno yuor porflie

-Copy and Paste this on your profile if you like Edward better than Jacob but Taylor better than Robert.

-If you love and I mean love to read, put this on your profile.

-If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

-If you have ever turned a corner and banged your arm/leg/toe/head on the wall (who hasn't???), put this in your profile and add your name to the list: Zilo Sugarpill, Ailia Sparrowhawk, iTorchic,Rena, TheWorldBookGirl, DianeJasmine, bLaKaT,

-If you have ever noticed a typo in a published book, copy and paste this onto your profile.

NORMAL PEOPLE rely on construction people to tear down buildings

DARKEST POWERS FANS: would rather ask Chloe to release a demi-demon



NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings


NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!

DARKEST POWERS FANS: say shut up or i'll get Dr. Davidoff to terminate you

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that werewolves are half-wolf half-human freaks

DARKEST POWERS FANS: know A LOT better and know to go outside right away when they see/hear a stranger vomiting in the bushes

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!

DARKEST POWERS FANS: when being chased yell DEREK SAVE ME!!

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms

DARKEST POWERS FANS: know that somewhere Derek is just yelling at Chloe

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation


NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile

DARKEST POWERS FANS: MUST have this on there profile

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists
I’m into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I’m BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIM HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I’m a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy
I live(d) in the COUNTRY, so I MUST (have) live(d) on a farm.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be goth
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I’m SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I’m DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I’m a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar
I’m an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean
I’m THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I’m AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I’m a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I have big boobs, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO
I’m a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I like CATS, so I WILL grow up to be a crazy old cat lady who lives alone
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP all the time, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT,so I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion (although I myself really AM against abortion. those poor little babies don't deserve to be murdered! T.T and they can FEEL it too...)
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. (some of it, anyway.)
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I wear BLACK nailpolish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish (not so big on comics, but manga, YEAH!!)
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist (sometimes)
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems (actually, this only applies to me cuz i keep to myself most of the time)
I can't help but BLUSH when I'm around a cute guy so I MUST be a dumb slut
I'm good at SINGING so I MUST need attention
I'm QUIET so I MUST be stuck-up
I sit ALONE at lunch so I MUST be snobbish
I still have SLEEPOVERS with my female friends so I MUST be lesbian
I'm HARD TO FIGURE OUT so I MUST be impossible to get along with
I sometimes say I LOVE MY FRIENDS so I MUST be gay/lesbian
I wear MAKE-UP so I MUST be ugly (sometimes)
I DON'T wear make-up so I MUST be an outsider

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace,or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with alot of things, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone- Bearhug946, EdwardCullenEqualsLife, Stephanie Deux,Randomenated-Cullen!, sweetcrimefighter, Moonchild707, CetaBabe, Ryuuwriter, WiccaChick98, Danniella888, bLaKaT

-Do you make an effort to be an idiot..or is it a gift?

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

-Forget love..I'd rather fall in chocolate!"

-Yes, I'm weird. No, I don't care."

11 (10) ways to know you live in 2008+

1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

When life gives you lemons...

-Make orange juice, and let the world wonder how you did it.

-Throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

-Alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

-Eat them and spit the pips in Life's eyes.

-Say, "Cool- I like lemons. What else you got?"

-Put them in your hair and wait for it to turn blond.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Who ever said that nothing was impossible clearly never tried to slam a revolving door.

- Two wrongs don't make a right. Two rights don't make a left. That would take three.

- Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.

- 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

- One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject.

- We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, dang, I'm gonna miss your dumb head.

- Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

- If at first you try and don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

- My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

- A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "THAT WAS FUN!!"

- A day without light is, well, night.

- Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

- Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars.

- Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

- I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

- If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.

- If anyone here is telekinetic, raise my hand.

Ways to tell whos your best friend or just a friend

Best friend: Will rip someone throat out if they say one mean thing to you.

Friends: It takes a while for them to stand up for you and they don't do it good.

Best Friends: You can trust them with any secrt but they still tease you.

Friends: Sometimes tell your secrets.

Best friends: Call your parent by ther real name.

Friends: Call your parents Mr and Mrs.

Best friends: Suport you in everything.

Friends: Will go there one way.

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, freak?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shirt and tells you, "My's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd home that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college.
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will give you their umbrella when it's raining.
BEST FRIENDS: Will take yours and yell "RUN GIRL RUN!!"

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "We screwed up again."

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!!!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

If aliens are looking for intellectual life... WHY THE HECK ARE WE SCARED!?

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.

relax. nothing is ok.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

I love deadlines. I like to wave at them as they pass by

Always forgive your enemies... nothing annoys them more.

never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them. Do it... DO IT!

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliffs

Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional...

Kid, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last didn't get it.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

Got a problem with me? Solve it.


When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Smile. It confuses people.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Help, I've fallen and I can't...hey, nice carpet! It's soo pretty!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

-If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you still laugh re-reading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I know at least one person who would love to push me down the stairs.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

You can't spell awesome without ME!

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.

I'm an optimistic pessimist.

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast ceral.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

You're a special kind of stupid aren't you?

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

You say 'crazy' like it's a bad thing

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

Really Dumb Store Labels On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.

When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.

When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.

When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night.

When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.

When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.

When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out.

When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.

When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the drom so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends.

When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.

When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children.

Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you.

If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you?


This is really sweet...

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".

If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.

If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.

Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.

I could follow you to the beggining...just to relive the start


1:00 a.m. * Get up, walk calmly to the bathroom, pee, look in the mirror quickly to make sure there's no masked killer behind you, turn off the lights, run as fast as you can from the bathroom back into your bedroom and jump 2 feet in the air and land on the bed, pull the covers up to your chin and glance around the room to make sure you didn't leave any more killers behind you on your expedition back, relax and nuzzle back into your pillow. * 17 seconds later you hear a noise * jump up quickly and realize its the air conditioning coming on and think " man! those ninja's just wont give up tonight.. "


5 biggest lies ever told 5. Sorry I'm not allowed to sleepover... 4. I don't like anyone 3. No, I don't have any money... 2. I've done my homework 1. I'm not uploading it on facebook!! :)


Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie... and when its about to start... BOOOOOM, Human giraffe sits in front of you. (Come on, who hasn't this happened to before?)


that moment you’re home alone and you hear a noise in your house and you accept the fact that you’re going to die.


Anti-pick up lines: Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually, I'd rather have the money. Boy: Will you go out with me this Saturday? Girl: Sorry, I am having a headache this weekend. Boy: Go on. Don't be shy. Ask me out. Girl: Okay. Go out. Boy: I think I could make you very happy. Girl: Why? Are you leaving? Boy: Shall we go see a movie? Girl: I have already seen it. Boy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: Hiding from you.

(I burst out laughing when reading this)


Time spent → in the shower; 25% -- Daydreaming. 25% -- Building up courage to turn off water and step into cold air. 20% -- Turing in a circle to maintain even hot water distribution. 10% -- Catching water in your mouth and spitting it out. 10% -- Contemplating the hardest decisions of life. 7% -- Washing hair. 3% -- Washing other body parts.

(It's freaky how true this is)


Your about to get arrested* Cop: Your in a lot of trouble! You: wait. wait! WAIT. Cop: WHAT!? You: Can I update my status to "chilling in jail?"


The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob: is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter?? 2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants?? do they flush the toilet under water? can they see plankton?? can Sandy communicate with fish?? is there a Goo lagoon under water??? 7.Why do they take showers??? come Gary meows?? did Sandy build her dome?? can there be boats under water?


Boy: Hey, watch this! *Breaks car window* Girl: NO!!! Boy: Like a good neighbor State Farm is there! Girl: THAT DOESN'T WORK!!! WE HAVE ALLSTATE!!!!!


Dear Parents,

Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin.

Snow White lived alone with 7 men.

Pinnochio was a liar.

Robin Hood was a thief.

Tarzan walked around without clothes on.

A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him.

Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party.

You can't blame us. We were taught to rebel since a young age.

Three men were hiking through a forest...

when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

' God, please give me the strength to cross the river.


God gave him big arms and strong legs...

and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,
having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed:

'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs...

and he was able to row across
in about an hour
after almost capsizing once
Seeing what happened to the first two men,
the third man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'



She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream...

and walked across the bridge.

You Know You're a Book Addict If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. Any of the house of night novels
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. who needs sleep when you have a book.
You write fan fictions about the book.Um... I'm on this site aren't I???
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read your favorite books. Oh ya
You accidentally call everyone by the character's names. Sometimes
Everything reminds you of the book. Yes...My mind is weriod.
You quote random lines all the time. I just got called a freak for it.
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. I've broken my leg rom it.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. I've toght of it but I'll get grounded I can't come on this site anymore.
You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod. Idon't have an I pod. But if I did they would be there.
You've got a book memorized. Close but it's a thick book.
You've read a book more than five times. 17 times.
You've read a book with 400+ pages in less than two days. Breaking Dawn 15 hours in one sitting.
You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. I don't live close enough
You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend. Na, I want a real boyfriend who likes me. Not because I stole him. You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional. You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional. Stupid friends!

25 Weird and Random Things to Do in Class

1. Try to develop psychic powers, then use them.
2. Inflate a beach ball and throw it around the room.
3. Make loud animal noises then deny doing it.
4. Pretend you're flying a jet fighter in the Gulf War.
5. Churn some butter.
6. Conceive a brand new language.
7. See how long you can hold your breath.
8. Take your pants off and give them to the professor.
9. Chew on your arm until someone notices.
10. Change seats every three minutes.
11. Shave.
12. Run across the room, tag someone and say "You're it.".
13. Think of five new ways to use your shoes.
14. Start a wave.
15. Walk around the room begging for spare change.
16. Roast marshmallows.
17. Practice phrasing your answers in the form of a question.
18. Crawl around the room humming the music from Mission Impossible.
19. Take apart your desk.
20. Pretend to communicate with your home planet.
21. Play rock-paper-scissors with yourself. Accuse your left hand of cheating.
22. Throw your backpack at someone.
23. Run to the window, then say, "Sorry, I thought I saw the Bat-signal".
24. Start laughing really hard and say, "Oh, now I get it.".
25. Write a screenplay about a diabetic Swedish girl who can't swim.

40 ways to make the pizza guy feel nervous/annoyed/irritated when calling in your order

1. While you are you are making an order, randomly start pressing the numbers on the phone and tell the guy to stop doing it.
2. Make up a credit card name and ask if they accept it.
3. Ask for a Big Mac, French fries and a Large Coke.
4. Finish the order with: "Remember, this conversation never happened".
5. Tell him you’ve got another pizza delivery on the other line and you’re buying from the one who offers the lowest price.
6. Just give him your address and say "Surprise me". Then hang up.
7. Answer his questions with other questions.
8. Spell the ingredients.
9. Stutter every time you say something with the letter "P"
10. Ask him if they have pizza.
11. Say "Hello" and act as if he called you.
12. Make your order being very decided and secure, then when he asks you if you would like a drink with the pizza, act as if you were confused.
13. Change your accent every 5 seconds.
14. Ask for 56 pepperoni slices followed by an equation.
15. If he repeats the order to make sure, say "Ok, it’s 17.90, please proceed to the next window to pick up your order".
16. Explain him that you want to rent a Pizza.
17. Ask if you can keep the box. When he answers yes, make a huge sigh of relief.
18. Ask him if they exploit child labor.
19. Tell him to make sure that your pizza is dead.
20. Imitate the voice of the guy taking the order.
21. Eliminate the verbs of everything you say.
22. Tell him that there’s a surprise party at yours and that you would appreciate if the delivery boy could hide behind the couch until the celebrated one comes in to surprise him/her.
23. Ask if you could see the menu.
24. Warn them that they have no idea of what they are dealing with by supplying this order.
25. Ask him which ingredient is better for a meal with a specific type of wine.
26. Burp and then tell your dog that he should be ashamed.
27. Ask only for one slice.
28. Psychoanalyze the guy taking the order.
29. Complain about the service. Call again two hours later saying that you were drunk and that you are sorry about what you said.
30. Tell the guy taking the order to tell the one in charge to tell the supervisor that he’s fired.
31. Randomly start swearing to someone who is apparently next to you.
32. Stop speaking every 10 seconds and start playing an instrument.
33. Tell a secret code to the guy taking the order and tell him to memorize it for orders you’ll make in the future.
34. Ask for mushrooms as the first ingredient, then before you hang up, say "no mushrooms please". Then hang up before he can say anything.
35. when he repeats the order, correct him changing an ingredient, then correct him again, and again. The third time ask him if it’s his first day working there.
36. Breath loudly.
37. Ask him how many whales/dolphins had to die to make that pizza.
38. Avoid using the word "PIZZA" by any means. If the guy taking the order says it, hang up saying "Please, don’t use that word".
39. Make the order during a car chase on TV. When there are gunshots, yell "Aaarghhh"
40. If the guy taking the order doesn’t take any of the previous jokes, ask him if there’s any other who would take them.


1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

51. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.

52. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"

53. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.

54. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.

55. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.

56. Make chalk drawings on the walls.

57. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, dammit!"

58. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.

59. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.

60. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.

102 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart (or Target)

1. Take all the fudge, whipped cream, or anything like that, and make a slip n slide.
2. Walk up to any guy with his girlfriend and slap him crying out "But you said you’d love me forever and ever!!!"
3. Walking by someone, start singing a Barney song, when they join in, say "what a bunch of retards" and walk away.
4. Sit in the ice cream isle and (while eating all the ice cream from the carton with your hands) yell at anyone passing by that they cant have any, and to make your point, throw some ice cream at them.
5. Paint a 'mural' with the nail polish, when yelled at, ask them why they hate art.
6. Invite all your friends for a movie night at Wal-Mart. This must include turning off all the lights, opening all the bags of chips and cans of soda, and when watching your movie in the TV section, “shhh” anyone such as the manager and others and them lecture them about being rude.
7. Demand to see the manager at once, muttering about things like 'bad service' and 'rude employees'. Once face to face with the manager, insist that you need his/her autograph straight away.
8. Hide in the clothing racks. When someone starts searching through the clothes, jump up, saying, "Pick me!!!"
9. Walk around in the dishware and say to people as they examine cups and such, "Please don't touch that one. It is a very fine piece that I picked up in Volterra, Italy."
10. Ask someone for the time, and before they answer, break out into the chorus for the Phantom of the Opera.
11. Take all the money out of the cash registers and put it in a big pile and roll in it screaming “I’M RICH!!”, when the security comes, tell them that you inherited Wal-Mart, then lecture them about respecting their superiors.
12. On the intercom, broadcast very irrelevant conversations between teenage girls (OH NO U DIDN’T!!! he’s totally like going to dump her, he’s too hot for her, did you hear about that???) etc. (broadcast until it stops being funny)
13. Ride the little electronic cars at the front of the store.
14. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals throughout the day.
15. Walk up to an employee and in an official tone of voice say "We've got a code 3 in House wares". See what happens.
16. Turn all the radios to the polka station, then turn them off, but turn the volume as high as it'll go.
17. Play with the automatic doors.
18. Walk up to complete strangers and say "Hi!! I haven't seen you in..." etc. and see how they respond.
19. Leave small gifts in the hands of mannequins.
20. Play soccer with a group of friends using the entire store as your playing field.
21. As the cashier scans an item, say "Wow, magic!".
22. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" to carpeted areas.
23. Put M&M's on layaway.
24. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell friends they can only come if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
25. When an employee comes and asks you if you need help, say "Why won't you all just leave me alone?!".
26. While looking at guns in the gun department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.
27. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
28. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
29. Two words: "Marco Polo".
30. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
31. When a someone gives an announcement, assume a fetal position and start screaming, "No, no! not the voices again!".
32. When someone strays from their cart looking at something, take their cart and run away.
33. Follow people throughout the store staying about 5 feet away at all times until they leave the store.
34. Hold shopping cart races.
35. Ask newly hired employees about made up products, i.e. "Do you have any Shnerples here?".
36. Ride the bicycles around claiming that you're taking it for a "test drive".
37. Ask employees, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?".
38. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
40. Lay on one of the bed displays with a rose and stare at everyone that walks by with a grin on your face.
41. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
42. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
43. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
46. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
47. Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor leading to the restrooms.
48. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
49. Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
50. "Accidentally" get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
51. Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
52. Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
53. Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell "ye-haw!"
54. Constantly wink at a person you don't know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
55. Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
56. Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, "What aisle are they selling these on?"
57. Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
58. Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
59. Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible) .
60. Go to the express lane and get an item, and say "wait, I forgot something“ Keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say "thanks, I forgot how much this costs," and walk away.
61. Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute the throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case when an attendant asks you what you are doing tell him your trying to change the game.
62. Go up to a guy and start crying saying I finally found you mommy! And see what he does!
63. Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.
64. Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do!
65. Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a ball and yell "Pikachu I choose you!"
66. Joust with the electronic assist carts and wrapping paper.
67. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
68. Make the entire auto department smell by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
69. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
70. Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say...“Oh that's me, I've got to go. Thank you.”
71. Play blind chicken with 12 friends putting a blind fold on one and them having that person trying to find you .
72. Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section.
73. Repeat whatever the store clerk tells you.
74. Roll cans of soup down the aisles.
75. Run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
76. Run around yelling for your pet ferret "Stinky". check out all the funny looks you get!
77. Run up to a complete stranger, tag them, and say "You're it!"
78. Sample all the fragrances in the perfume department.
79. Set up a battle of laser tag .
80. Set up ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut.
81. Start Humming the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme song. Whenever someone looks at an item near you scream "TURTLE POWER" and run away as fast as you can.
82. Strategically scatter those novelty dog poops throughout the store and wait for some to announce "cleanup on aisle ..." then yell "BAD FLUFFY!"
83. Take a snickers bar, go in the bathroom and smoosh the snickers bar in your hand and reach over to the next stall and say "uh do you have some toilet paper over there?"
84. Take all of the free AOL cd's on the end of the check out counter.
85. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
86. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
87. Time yourself for two minutes and throw as many shoes as possible onto the floor.
88. TP as much of the store as possible.
89. Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, "the brooms don't work!"
90. Unload then entire bin of giant bouncy balls, get in the bin, have a friend put all the balls back on top of you. When someone walks by jump outta the balls causing them to fly everywhere.
91. Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell "Its gonna get me!"
92. Walk through the store pushing a cart that is upside-down.
93. Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell "how does it work or ITS MAGIC!"
94. When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor,screaming "MOMMY, I WANT THAT TOY!"
95. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
96. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
97. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
98. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
99. Go up to a random person and begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
100. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
101. Wander around in a hospital gown and repeatedly say, "Why isn't mommie back yet?"
102. Go into the fitting room and yell loudly"I see london I see france!"

Stuipid Fears
Ablutophobia - The fear of taking showers
Anablephobia - The fear of looking up
Anglophobia - The fear of England (well, with all the Cobra's...)
Aulophobia - The fear of flutes
Basophobia - The fear of walking
Cinophobia - The fear of going to bed
Geliophobia - The fear of laughter
Linonophobia - The fear of string (but string is fun!)
Omphalophobia - The fear of belly buttons (i wonder about this one...)
Scriptophobia - The fear of writing in public(how did u get through school?)
Sinistrophobia - The fear of left-handed people
Trichopathophobia - The fear of hair
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words(kinda ironic)
Panophobia- Fear of everything
Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body
Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
Kathisophobia- Fear of sitting down
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom
Turophobia- Fear of cheese


1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)
2. Meet the recruitment bunny!
3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!
4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!
5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!
6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!
7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?
8. WORLD DOMINATION! And the dark side is sooo much better than the good side!
get to wear a white lab coat (ooh la la)
can access our stock of cool evil gadgets (aka a blender and toaster.)
get to wear tall black shiny boots and a black shiny belt (NO SUSPENERS! WE'RE NOT FIREFIGHTERS OR PEOPLE WHOSE PANTS FALL DOWN!)
get to wear creepy masks
13. key word: POWER you get lots of it
14.all of the black capes have cool inside pockets to hold my secret bunny collection. did i just say that out loud?
15.we get a vacation unlike the jedi's
16.we can do dangerous things like sky diving or eating chili or sunbathing(though it is hard to sunbathe when you are wearing black)
17.we get to order our minons around
18.when no one is looking, we have funny faces contests
19.we love to mix stuff in the blenders and dare each other to drink it
20.sometimes, we hijack the tv studios and make our own commercials
get to act stupid any time and people are to afrade to lauph at you
23.the reason you joined

Blond Joke

Non-Stop Flight

On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up. She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot. The co-pilot said, "Let me try." He went up to the blonde and politely tried to explain to her why she needed to return to her seat in economy class.

But the blonde only replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here." Frustrated, the co-pilot returned to the cockpit. He suggested that perhaps they should have the airline call the police and have her arrested when they land.

"Wait a minute," said the pilot. "Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde." So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.

"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.

"What did you say to her?" ask the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.

To which the pilot replied, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago."












I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that, paste this to your profile

Try Not To Cry

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1.send this label this as "Try No To Cry

2.Don't send it. you have proved how heartless you are.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride) Natalie-07 (Jack Sparrow, I know I know he's older then my dad but it's not like we're actually dating!) Silverstar's Shadow (Kratos Aurion (like practically every other girl who plays ToS religiously), Yuan (damn the people who decided to never tell you his last name!), Sirius Black (not Gary the Old Man... I imagined him to look a little more like Adam from Three Days Grace... hehe... Ahem.), Draco Malfoy), AsterEris:Firefall'sLegacy(Jasper Cullen...sigh), AviorHyrax (Fell from fell...I love him, I know, hes a wolf...can't I have my dream? Murtaghlaughing really hard right now Aster..., Mr. Darcyawwwww, i love him, again, still laughing,artemis fowl, Victor, from Cathy's book/key(I have a lot more but still), MiracleJade (Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Murtagh from Eragon movie (sucked) and Kisten from Kim Harrison books), xXxNyte-chanxXx (Edward Cullen-Twilight duh...Ian MacPhie-Love at Skate series), The Dawn Is Breaking (Edward Cullen -squee-, Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre)) jasperthewalkingchillpill (The Cullens, Mike Newton From Twilight and Erik Night from HoN), team-jacob-furever (Edward,Emmett, Carlisle Cullen, Jasper Hale, Jacob , .Wannabe_Fantasy. (Gabriel Wolfe-Dark Visions, Stark-House Of Night, Fang-Maximum Ride, Dallas Winston and Ponyboy Curtis- The Outsiders and hell, far too many Twilight ones to list, omc, i need a life so bad) Wildcat97 (Dean Winchester and Castiel from Supernatural, Damon Salvatore from the Vampire Diaries, Jack Dawson from Titanic, Jacob Black from Twilight, Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Mick St. John from Moonlight, and Le Queen of the Damned), TeamCastiel ( Castiel, Sam, and Dean from Supernatural, Damon and Alaric from Vampire Diaries, Jack and Boone from Lost.) Spike's number stat from1 pet, (Spike from Buffy, Sirius Black, Severus Snape, Luicus Malfoy, Castle from Castle. Carlisle. Damon Savlatore, Alaric Saltzman, Angel from Buffy. Gibbs and Tony from NCIS. Danny and MAc from CSI NY. Nathan from one tree hill. Booth from Bones, (wow that's a lot I need a life:( lol, I don't care) WalkingShadow39 (Dan Cahill, Dylan, and Erik night, Xavier woods, and Dimitri Belkiov.) bLaKaT (Derek Souza

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present."- ?

"Two things are infinite, the universe, and man's stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe."- Albert Einstein

"Sometimes it's better not to go fast, there are wonderful things to be seen when your last."- Jamie Lee Curtis

"How can someone so small be so annoying?"- Edward Cullen

"Come to the dark side, we have cookies."

"Welcome to the dark side, are you surpised we lied about the cookies?"

Girls are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples up top think something is wrong with them when in reality they are just amazing.

They have to wait for the right boy to come along who is brave enough to climb to the top of the tree.

Words of Wisdom

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

"When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the people you hate."

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more."

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving."

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"

"Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over."

"Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door."

"I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it."

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, raise you hand!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

"You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had."

I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as I do.

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Your guy side:

X You love hoodies.
X You love jeans.
X Dogs are better than cats.

X its hilarious when people get hurt.

X You've played with/against boys on a team.

X Shopping is torture. (If i hav to tag along on sumone else's shopping XP)

X Sad movies suck. (Unless it wuz REALLY good)

X You own/Ed an X-Box.
X Played with Hot wheel cars as a kid. (Where i lived, we didn't even kno of this stuff, soo..)
X At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
X You own/Ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
X You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. (Meh..)

X You watch sports on TV.

X Gory movies are cool. (One thing i cannot stanfd is gore. Blegh!!

X You go to your dad for advice. (I dnt go to anyone fer advice :P)

X You own like a trillion baseball caps. (I wish, but, oh wait, actually we hav like a billion of them in our house...)

X You like going to high school football games.
X You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
X Baggy pants are cool to wear.

X It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. (Lol, nope, l dnt really hav normal sleepovers, but i luv stayin up late, goofin around)

X Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favourite colors. (Hekz yea!!)

X You love to go crazy and not care what people think. (Well, sumtimes. nd how duz test ur 'guness', cuz my bro is mor concious of ppl than i am.)

X Sports are fun. (Fooootball!!!

X Talk with food in your mouth. (sumtimez...)
X Sleep with your socks on at night. (eewie!)


Your girl side:

X You wear lip gloss/Chap stick. (whhaat? ma lipz get dry as tha friggin Sahara Desert!!)

X You love to shop. (I like havin nice stuff, but goin around getting it is not so nice)

X You wear eyeliner. (Kohl, to b exact)
X You wear the color pink (so whaaat?? guyz wear pink!

X Go to your mom for advice.
X You consider cheerleading a sport.

X You hate wearing the color black. (r u kidding?! I LUV it! alot of my wardrobe is black)

X You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
X You like wearing jewelry.
X Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
X Shopping is one of your favourite hobbies.
X You don't like the movie Star Wars.
X You were in gymnastics/dance (I wiiiiish)
X It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. (it takes me an hour to shower, not the other 2)

X You smile a lot more than you should. (Idk...)

X You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. (well, maybe...considering i share wid my mon and sis...)

X You care about what you look like. (Sometimes and who doesnt?)
X You like wearing dresses when you can.
X You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
X You love the movies.
X You used to play with dolls as little kid. (a little bit, i think, but my main focus wuz candiez,
X Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
X Like being the star of everything.













Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Never Alone by xSweetEternityx reviews
-AU/AH Chlerek- Chloe is a transfer student for Lyle Academy, which is known for their special duo programs: Gen-Ed and Arts-Ed. However, due to the reason that she transferred late, the dorm rooms are all filled with the exception of one: Derek Souza's
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 152,382 - Reviews: 1265 - Favs: 588 - Follows: 450 - Updated: 4/8/2013 - Published: 9/17/2011 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
My Mute Boy by Chlerek reviews
Suckish Summary but okay so Derek's sort of mute he won't talk to anybody unless it's his Chloe likes Simon at first then they she ends up liking Derek so um yeah it's pretty neat story and I thought it was cute so um yeah PLEASE READ
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,204 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 29 - Published: 7/17/2011 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
Rumored to be True by Eletha Landon reviews
Chloe Saunders. Cute and innocent, yet stubborn and un-datable. She's still rumored to be the greatest catch at Buffalo High, as she has everyone wrapped around her finger. But new boy, Derek Souza, is not impressed. AU- T for language and moderate citrus
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 20 - Words: 73,839 - Reviews: 510 - Favs: 309 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 3/19/2011 - Published: 12/27/2010 - Derek S., Chloe S. - Complete
The Employing by Derbs92 reviews
AU 8 years in the future. Chloe is getting her first job. How will she like working for Derek? A HR reps worst nightmare. Cherek.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 25,512 - Reviews: 249 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 1/24/2011 - Published: 11/21/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
Perfect by Lauren94 reviews
AU/AH. Chloe is just a regular high school junior, trying to figure things out and pass math. Derek, brooding, intimidating and the last person she expected, becomes her math tutor. But, at the end of the day, they might be exactly what the other needs.
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 16 - Words: 42,408 - Reviews: 660 - Favs: 435 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 1/5/2011 - Published: 11/28/2010 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete
Foolish by MoonWalkingInYourEyes reviews
Derek is such a foolish person. Honestly. DerekXChloe
Darkest Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 62,883 - Reviews: 709 - Favs: 390 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 3/17/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Chloe S., Derek S. - Complete