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Author has written 1 story for Big Bang Theory.
My psychiatrist says that I've lost my marbles, but what does he know? My marbles are in a plastic bag in my closet.
“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hot line…”
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
- If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
- If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
- If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.”
"We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your door before the police.
I love shugo Chara!!!