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Poll: Which of these entries in the Real Love Contest is your favourite? Vote Now!
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Joined 04-05-11, id: 2823009, Profile Updated: 06-26-11
Author has written 9 stories for Twilight.

Real Love Contest

Hosted by evieeden and elidunbigboot

Have you ever read a lemon in fanfic and thought ‘there’s no way sex is that perfect in real life.’

Due to problems with the voting system, we're still working out what's going to happen with the public vote. Unfortunately this means that the announcement of the winner has been delayed, but we're hoping that this will not be the case for more than a week. Sorry for all the inconvenience.

Presenting the ‘Real Love’ Contest

*Winner Announcement*

1st place judges' vote: Love is Ruff by MegsD

2nd place judges' vote: Floaters and Sinkers by Hammer of Destiny

3rd place judges' vote: Granny Pants by Hongkongphooey

The Deflated Cherry Pop Award: Wedding Night Blues by Lady of Spain

The Closest Near Miss Award: From Perfect to Wrong by RandomMama

That Really Happens Award: Floaters and Sinkers by Hammer of Destiny

Disaster Alert Award: Parental Discretion is Advised by Hammer of Destiny

Best Comedic Value Award: Floaters and Sinkers by Hammer of Destiny

Thank you to everyone who entered the contest, we've loved reading all your entries, and congratulations to the winners. Feel free to post them to your own accounts now.

We want your stories based around a realistic sex scene, with all the funny, embarrassing, painful or just unexpected aspects of making love in real life. Maybe Bella and Edward’s first time is more painful than perfect, Esme doesn’t really like to swallow, Leah always gets the giggles or Emmett just can’t perform. We want all the nitty-gritty, imperfect details of how sex really is.

The Rules

- All stories must include the realistic portrayal of sex or a sexual act. A little bit of plot wouldn’t go awry either.

- All pairings/characters are acceptable.

- Because of the subject of this contest, all entrants must be 18 or over to participate and all contest fics must be rated M.

- Collaborations are acceptable, but no more than two entries per person/collaboration.

- All entries must be between 2000 and 10000 words.

- Entries must be an independent one-shot, no outtakes or continuations of previous fics will be accepted. Your entry should not be continued until the contest is over.

- Entries must meet a minimum standard of spelling and grammar. Betas are your friends and we recommend that you use one.

- No entries containing rape, bestiality, paedophilia or incest will be accepted into the contest. The entries will be screened by us before they are posted.

In addition to the public and judges’ votes, we will also be giving special recognition to the winners of these categories:

- Deflated Cherry Pop – best depiction of realistic virgin lemons.

- The Closest Near Miss – the lemons that should’ve happened, but somehow... didn’t.

- That Really Happens?! – lemons you thought only existed in fanfic.

- Disaster Alert – it should have gone so right, but then it went so wrong.

- Best comedic value – the funniest realistic lemon story

All entries must remain anonymous. This is in the interests of fairness in the contest, so please do not let anyone know which entry is yours until the contest is over and the winners have been announced. Your entry will be posted to our account.

All entries must be emailed to for submission with the following header:

Real Love’ Contest


Pen name:



Please also include a summary in your email.

The contest is open for entries from Friday 15th April to midnight on Friday 3rd June 2011.

Public voting will take place from Sunday 5th June to Friday 10th June.

Winners will be announced a week after on Friday 17th June.

Winners of the public and judges’ vote and the special categories will receive custom banners.

Your judges for this contest are PhoenixRising25, naelany, kimmydonn, AlverdineFF, tiffanyanne3 and Mrs_Will.

Happy Writing.

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Honeymoon Heaven reviews
Ups and downs, yeah and nays of Edward and Bella's honeymoon paradise.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,811 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/3/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Granny Pants reviews
Bella wasn't expecting much from this Saturday night. She got a whole lot more than she bargained for when a quiet evening with friends turned out to involve one of the hottest guys she had ever seen. Why oh why did she wear her old granny knickers?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,711 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/3/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Importance Of Having Inches reviews
Bella is bored in her life until a cup of coffee with the girls leads her to what she's been missing.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,345 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/1/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Perfect Imperfection reviews
Bella gets the case of the giggles right after her husband performs oral but then tries to reciprocate but Edward pushes her away. What happens when Bella is rejected?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,396 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/26/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Floaters And Sinkers reviews
It's important to make a good first impression. But when you have an amorous, cockblocking dog, a nosy neighbor, and a boat that refuses to float, a good first impression is hard to come by.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,243 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 8 - Published: 5/26/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Love Is Ruff reviews
Love is not easy, and sex is not perfect. Not even with our favorite wolfy-men. Doesn't matter who you are, Love is Ruff.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,301 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/18/2011 - Emily, Sam - Complete
Parental Discretion Is Advised reviews
You never get too old to call Mom and Dad for help...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,888 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 26 - Published: 5/17/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
From Perfect To Wrong reviews
Edward planned the perfect anniversary for he and wife, Bella, including the horizontal tango action after their date. But, he could never have imagined that their kids would be such cockblockers.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,347 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/15/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wedding Night Blues reviews
Jake has proposed to Bella but can't wait until the planned wedding, so they elope. Their first attempts at intimacy are difficult and frustrating for them both.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,769 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/15/2011 - Bella, Jacob - Complete