Author has written 14 stories for Yu-Gi-Oh, and Fanfiction Poetry.
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yes... that's right- where you can find a seemingly endless amount of HARRY POTTER and YU-GI-OH quotes~~~ chosen by me - ... and the bio too
Though PLEASE NOTE:If you find some quotes interesting and so decide to look up the fic not all the stories are found of . If you don’t mind the effort just type the fic name into a search engine on the net. It’s that easy. Because time has passed some stories may no longer be posted.
‘And then there was one’
‘Eight death glares’
‘That was the understatement of the year, thank you Yami’
‘ “Something wrong, Angel Bakura?” He questioned mockingly’
‘The wonderful people…’
‘ "Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, you know." ’
‘ “Honestly, he needs a sign taped on him that says 'I'm a pervert. I will try very hard to keep my hands above the equator”. ’
‘Yami gave me an ice-cold glare. Well, I love you too buddy!’
‘ “Don't. Say. Anything. You'll ruin my good mood. And if I so much as hear the words "I told you so," or "that wasn't so hard was it?" I will make sure you won't be able to stand for a bloody year.” ’
‘ "Please don't look at my as if I'm lunch." ’
‘ "You figure it out, no way in hell I'm explaining." ’
‘ "I'm not going to run around the Dualist Kingdom in my underwear!" ’
‘ “I never seem to do it right...king of games...court jester of wrapping presents.” ’
‘ “Mine,” was the only thing that came out of my mouth, as my eyes took on a look that said ‘Hi, I’m going to eat you now!’ ’
‘ “Whatever the hell you are, could you please stop snoring in my head!” ’
‘ “When-….. Who-…… But we’re-…… How!” Good Job Ryou, that has to the worst attempt at denial ever!’
‘ "Um... Your towel's falling off." ’
‘ “'Blue-Eyes? What Blue-Eyes?' I asked, cuz I didn't have any of dem on the field," Seto slurred nearly incoherently, "and the next thing I knew we were practic'ly in bed togeder!" ’
‘ "I am not cute, I'm a spirit of darkness!" ’
‘He quickly pushed aside the one with the deformed tiger; it unnerved him.’
‘ "I have to go to the bathroom." Everyone blinked.’
‘Normally, he'd be furious, but he was too weak to care about, uh, being weak…’
‘He spoke as though he was telling a psychotic Marik to put down a button that would detonate a nuclear warhead.’
‘And then he stood, Joey hanging over his shoulder like a bag of dog food.’
‘ "I should hope not. I don't love my archery set that way-- oh. OH." ’
‘Ryou came to for a second and drowsily tapped Bakura. “You don’t hate me, do you?” he asked sleepily.
‘No wonder he's such a good thief - he really can't keep his hands to himself!’
‘ “I mean, our bodies are identical so in a way I have seen…it.” ’
‘ "Your right to remain evil has been duly noted," ’
‘There was Seto, Dress in one hand, Joey’s shirt in the other, in his boxers, looking down at his behind. “Tea! What’d you slip into my coffee?” ’
‘ “No, no. Don’t tell me. Something has ticked you off. I won’t take this anymore. First, we hate each other, then the next thing I hear, you don’t hate me, then, neither of us hate each other, then I hate you, but think you don’t hate me, and now that I don’t hate you, you hate me!” ’
‘A killer idea popped into his head. Well, it was more of a suicidal idea but Jounouchi was almost positive that it would work’
‘I've probably mortified him for life. Perfect.’
‘Normally I don't like people messing with my hair... but this is Seto we're talking about here. So it's okay. I'll only yell at him for it instead of killing him.’
‘Whoa, Seto Kaiba has emotions. Creepy.’
‘ "Hey man! Wus wrong wit yas?" Dammit Jou! I'm trying to act inconspicuous! I made my voice gruff and coughed a bit.
‘So I was "startled". Behold the understatement of the century. I was thinking more along the lines of "scared shitless".’
’ “I am not a psychological problem!”
'Yugi burst into another fit of laughter "Kissing Seto Kaiba is cool! there's headlines for you!" '
’ "Katsuya's log. Hour 8. The primitive beast known as Kaiba continues to ignore me and jab at the keyboard. He doesn't seem to possess any social skills to speak of. So far the only responses I have gotten out of him have been grunts and snorts." ‘
’ "Then let's call it a night...I've got my own trick or treating to do...on you..." ‘
'Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts. Baseball, duel monsters, work, my office, the desk chair, the desk, ..Jou on the desk, ..on his back. Shit this isn't working.'
'Neither of them is really stupid ; they're just very stubborn and oblivious.'
' "Oh really!" The man said sarcastically. "Then what were you doing?"
'Jou gulped and stepped forward. "What is this?" He blurted out.
' "Well," Kaiba began. "If we study Anubis, we might actually figure out where you came from." '
'Seto felt all the blood drain from his face. 'Video? They have us on video!...DOING WHAT! ''
'Seto flushed under their scrutiny. "Th-that's none of your business."
'Seto had already imprinted a fear in him that getting fingerprints over anything would result in himself getting brutally murdered.’
’ "Nothing, I had this short thought that you were being nice and complimentary, but forget it. Obviously just being evasive" ‘
'It was awkward enough admitting to himself that he liked a guy, but to another GUY…who happened to like HIM, no less…it was just unnerving.'
'Yami had gotten a book about Pharaohs in the olden days, a ‘Why does my voice change octaves so much’ book from Bakura, and a ‘How to get my cards back if someone steals them’ book from Seto.'
’ “Bakura? Bakura and Malik!” And the twitch was back! “No. No, they’re not coming here.” ‘
’ “But Ryou will be there! And you even said it yourself before that’s he’s pretty normal.”
’ “Hello, Kaiba.” Ryou said in his usual friendly manner. “How are you today?"
’ “YAMI DID THE COOLEST THING YESTERDAY!” Ryou interrupted with a panicked and desperate scream.
’Bakura snapped. “Bah! As if that baka can do anything besides take up space! And what the hell is it with him and tight leather! By Ra, he looks like he’s wearing painted saran wrap!” ‘
’ “I have anger issues? Me! That’s a laugh, coming from the guy who created another person from his hatred!” ‘
‘ "His name's Jono, He's my Yami, and apparently that's his husband, Seth..." Jou replied, his eyes bugging, seeing someone who looks like him and his worst enemy...Hugging...’
‘ "Oh, no, nothing's wrong, I just have a yami who's apparently capable of breaking into or out of any tomb ever constructed, evading any trap the human mind could ever conceive, has total command of the mystical realm of shadows, and yet -"
’ Yami's hand was a fist.
‘ "Good heavens!" Yami leapt to his feet and abandoned all thoughts of cake, eyes darting around, his cape-shirt billowing dramatically behind him, "Utmost danger! I must save the world!" He pulled out his deck and started shuffling intently.
‘He didn't really want to argue or insult Kaiba or see him at all for that matter. He didn't care. He didn't care at all. Kaiba could have a girlfriend for all he cared.’
‘ Seto Kaiba and crying was a lethal combination - it had never been heard of and he'd be damned if it ever became true.’
'Bakura snorted. "You can't expect to control me with that! I've dealt with the power of the items and Shadow Magic for centuries, I couldn't possibly be possessed by an amateur such as-"
There was a sharp clunk as Marik whacked Bakura's forehead with the rod, knocking him out cold. '
‘ “-A little paranoid are we?-” ‘
It’s hard to pretend that you’re something you’re not when you have to be something you are.
‘ contemplating whether or not he should fling himself at Seto and strangle him with a computer cord. What a fitting way for him to die— ‘
’You are to me what a grain of sand is to a mountain’
‘ Perhaps because, at least a small part of him was holding out for him, for the slightest chance that he might return some fraction of his affection, by some fluke be gay too and even more amazingly, not hate his guts. ‘
‘ He'd chosen to use a more primitive hacking technique and equipment, because although slow, they were harder to detect and people were so touchy about hacking now a days. ‘
‘ Which was just plain ridiculous. Who ever would want to harm an anonymous Easter Bunny that was handing out chocolate eggs? ‘
“And you call me immature” Jou growled sending dark glares Seto’s way
‘ “Oh for…” Seto scowled, standing up to get away from the looming group, “Can I not come to the park for some peace and quiet without you people hassling me? You are like pests, I swear, everywhere I go…” He turned from them, ready to storm away with a dramatic billowing of his trench coat, ‘
Malik grinned, trying to look friendly but only succeeding in making everybody even more nervous of his intentions.
Turning his glare up a notch, Seto growled, “I honestly don’t want to know how you get through each day alive if this is how you learn your lessons.”
‘ “No way,” Bakura shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest as a sign of his irritation, “Last time we did something there, Ryou refused to acknowledge my presence for an entire week… -after- he threw a screaming fit, of course. Think of something else.” ‘
Actually, he had only managed to decide on one thing: Pop-up ads were Satan’s digital minions.
Neither of us can believe our luck and each think we got the raw end of the deal.
"Mine wears dice from his ears," Tristan says.
"Mine's hairline changes according to the weather," I retort. Tristan and I once tried to figure out Kaiba's ebb-and-flow hairline. We finally blamed it on hair gel inexperience.
And now I know what to get the guy who has everything—I think I'll give Kaiba fifty pounds of junk mail for his next birthday.
Now I always thought that if you have to be told to have fun, what's comin' up is about as fun as a root canal.
I gag at the thought. Definitely gotta find Kaiba. Or the coat rack. Never underestimate the coat rack.
Though in spite of that fact Yami still doesn't notice it because he's only got eyes for Yugi. No, that's not quite what I meant. It's just that he's more interested in the body he's livin' in than some girl's. Hold it, I didn't mean that either. It's just that touching Yugi is like touching himself. Ya know, I'm burying myself here.
… as long as he keeps quiet and works on his laptop, I almost feel a certain amount of affection toward him. That is, I feel the same way about him as I do about my moldy old baby blanket—ya sure don't wanna hug it, but ya just can't bring yourself to throw it out.
I glare at him and all he does is –hm-. That one was "amused, with a hint of condescension." Sad that I can interpret these things.
That's Kaiba for you—Yami may be king of games, but Kaiba's king of the backwards compliment.
That's Kaiba for you. Best friend in the hospital? It's okay, he's on life support. The game must go on.
How'd she do that? Must be that thing they call 'women's intuition' (to be used whenever 'heart of the cards' is not applicable).
The Millennium Puzzle – Rubik’s Cube? Who needs it?
The Millennium Rod – Now if anyone claims you’re ‘compensating’, you can tell them to go to hell, & they will!
“I... I was just popping in for so-some papers I left on the counter.” He laughed nervously and gently waved before mentioned documents. “I, uh, didn’t know I’d be... –interrupting- anything. So, I’ll go and you can, um, continue.” He hesitated. “But not in here! We... we eat in here, ya know?”
’He was wearing his you-better-tell-be-the-truth-because-if-you-don’t-and-I-find-out-I’m-going-to-rip-your-head-off glares, and Harry decided on telling the truth. He hesitantly nodded his head. ‘
’He threw his arms in the air and walked towards the first door he saw. Unfortunately it was a cupboard.’
Dangerously In Love
’He jumped back in shock and fell off of his bed. Pulling himself up and smoothing back his hair he glared at the intruder. “Bloody owls... sitting around waiting to frighten people...” ‘
’ “Now that’s interesting.” Draco said calmly and everyone looked at him. He took a deep breath and smiled serenely before his face screwed up and he started screaming. “YOU JUST MADE ME SUFFER THAT LITTLE PICTURE BOOK OF UNWANTED MEMORIES AND WE STILL DON’T BLOODY KNOW WHICH ONE OF US IS PREGNANT! ALL WE KNOW IS THAT WE GOT WAY TO DRUNK AND FCKED EACH OTHER!” ‘
’Does this mean that I am The-Irresitable-Boy-That-Saved-The-Beautiful-Boy-Who-Lives-From-Death-By-Immeasurable-Tedium? ‘
'At least now I know I'm not crazy...just incredibly, royally, screwed.’
’ "Oh sure, laugh now. You weren't laughing when you were hurling accusations and insults at me last night." Draco quirked an eyebrow at Harry and smiled. "But it all worked out for the best in the end," Draco patted the bed beside him for effect, "and here I am." ‘
’ “Can I call you Harry? Good! Lets work well on this. I don’t want to argue over nothing! Do you? Good! This is going to be a cool project, don’t you think? I think so and it will be fun! We’ll do our best, wont we Harry?” Draco nearly laughed. Potter’s mouth was open and was staring, shocked at Blaise’s rambling. ‘
’ “What am I? Editor of the help pages?” Draco muttered’
’ “Draco, It’s freezing. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”
’ "Yeah, I snuck into the Slytherin lockeroom with the Invisibility Cloak...to talk!" Harry assured Ron, as the redhead was beginning to look very uncomfortable and had started to fidget.’
’Harry grinned despite himself, looking at Ron as though he were some sort of advice god descended from the heavens.’
’ "There's every need!" Snape corrected McGonagall. "Do you know how long I've waited for a Potter to be royally fcked? And now, what with Malfoy being practically as rich as a prince, that wish is literally coming true!" ’
’ “You like him don’t you?” she asked.
’ “Then we’ll just have to trust to the infinite knowledge of the Professor My-Hair’s-So Greasy-There’re-Grindylows-Living-In-It Snape,” Harry said and Draco snorted with laughter.
’…pouring himself and Harry a glass of wine.
’ “You heard me, Potter,” Draco said, “and you know exactly what I’m talking about. I see the way you’re looking at me.” Really, it’s disgusting, cut it out, he mentally added.’
’ "No, Miss Parkinson and that's it! He needs his rest!" Pomfrey said firmly.
Stupid Pansy. Ruins everything.’
’Blaise squinted at him for a moment before saying, “…What?”
’ “Malfoy!” he exclaimed, sounding relieved and stuffy. “I was about to come and fondle you. Find you. And then maybe fondle you a bit. I was at least going to touch your bum. Bugger! Something’s wrong with the potion, it hasn’t worn off.” ‘
’ “Shut up, Malfoy, you’re coming with me if I have to knock you down and strip you. Drag you, I meant. If I have to strip you along with me. Drag you stripped. Drag you along with me. Just get going.” ‘
’ "Come here so I can properly injure you!” ‘
‘ “Do you have some kind of seventh sense, Malfoy,” he retorted angrily, “that tells you when you are the last person in the world that someone wants to see, just so you can show up?”‘
‘Had he actually meant it? -Bloody hell-. Had he worried himself sick over nothing?’
‘ “It’s –freezing- out here. If you don’t let me in soon, there will be nothing left of me but an ugly block of frozen git!” ’
His features shifted into an expression of unruffled disdain, and he crossed his arms over his chest, the old well-known, annoyingly-cool, Draco-Malfoy-is-an-infuriating-git persona falling perfectly into place again.’
Ron turned angrily to Harry. “Harry? How come –he- gets to know who you’re seeing, when you won’t even tell your friends?”
‘ "What? He's making us work together?" He looked quite horrified. If there hadn't been more important things at stake, I would probably have been a little offended.’
‘ "Nice?" I was horrified. Expulsion or death would surely be better than being called 'nice' by Harry Potter.’
‘ ”My father must be the only parent in the entire world who signs a note to his only son with his full name." ‘
‘I couldn't decide whether to hit him then and there or wait until some appropriate moment in a dark, abandoned hallway where I could really do the job properly.’
‘It wasn't as though I'd originally planned to toss him a Weasley-esque grin, or wish him good luck (although that may have worked well in terms of a psych-out), but I had been ready to let him off lightly with a mild scowl or a superior smirk, if only to preserve as much energy as possible for the game itself.’
‘That was yet another irritating Potter trait: his habit of breaking records and traditions, everything from playing Quidditch as a first year to not dying when he should have done.’
‘ "Sure," I nodded. "It shouldn't take –too- long; after all, it's not like we have a –whole- year's worth of work to get though. And you're not –completely- thick - you're just rubbish at Potions." ‘
‘Oh, ha ha," I muttered sarcastically. "I'm so honoured to be spending time with the Boy Who Cracked Bad Jokes."
‘ “How would you like me to act?"
‘ "Actually, I think that has more to do with my breathtaking good looks and sparkling personality," I corrected her mildly. "But believe what you will." ‘
‘I smiled. "You know how it is. Girl meets incredibly attractive boy... Girl falls for incredibly attractive boy... Girl leaves red-haired boyfriend for incredibly attractive boy…" ‘
I turned to look at Potter. "If you maim or disfigure me in any way, I will not be impressed."
‘ "Whether I like you or not has nothing to do with it. I'm just saying that you're not physically repulsive to me." ‘
‘ "Obviously there's something going on inside your head that I don't know about, but I think dating one Gryffindor is bad enough for this lifetime. My reputation would never recover if I took it upon myself to make my way through the entire house." Firmly, I placed her hand back on her own thigh. "No thank you. I'll stick to snogging the one loser, if you don't mind." ‘
‘ “Harry James Potter you are the bestest, kindest, wonderfullest friend a girl could ever, ever have,” she beamed. It seemed somewhat of an over reaction to Harry but he wasn’t about to argue.‘
‘ “I think its time to bring out the big guns, to play a game I know will appeal to the Slytherin’s amongst us and no,” he saw Hermione about to interrupt “before you say anything we do not need to do homework on a Friday night ‘Mione.”
‘One: it was a Slytherin
‘ “Well,” she said slowly, trying to digest his rapid and garbled confession, “I see why Draco says Gryffindor’s can’t make plans. That sucks Harry!’
‘Harry, you have this, this accident of birth or circumstance or whatever that gives you an amazing advantage over other people. I mean yeah, it also gave you pesky things like a deranged, snake faced wizard trying to kill you, but on the plus side you can do pretty much whatever you want. Auror, banker, teacher, Quidditch. Oh, and me, of course.” ‘
‘ “Ah,” he said. “I’ll try to remember that. Always search for the path to a portkey hub that no one knows is there when running away into the forest from girls you don’t want to see you.”‘
‘Sure enough, when Harry joined Draco at the spot, he could see a narrow path running off toward the main road. “Good job!” said Harry, both impressed and amused. “Shall I go first and make sure there aren’t any weeds in your way?” ‘
‘Draco stopped in his tracks. “Oh, no,” he said, turning on Harry, indignation written all over his face. “I’ve changed my mind. I am not going –anywhere- – for any –reason- – with another girl with a stupid flower name. It’s getting ridiculous. Violet, Pansy, even my own mother is named after a flower!” ‘
‘ “Oh,” said Harry, a little startled, “so was –my- mother. And my aunt.” He paused for a second. “Come to think of it, Lavender Brown, one of the Gryffindor girls in my year is too.”
‘…he became aware that the bed was surrounded by four very angry and suspicious looking Gryffindors, their wands drawn and pointed at himself. -Okay Harry, now would be a good time for you to wake up and explain things to your friends here-.’
“No, it’s me, Voldemort,” Malfoy responded sarcastically. “I’m here for our bloody sleep over. Get up!”
Bull’s-eye! Harry charged toward the wand, but just before he reached it, Malfoy bent over and headbutted him in the stomach. Harry fell to the floor.
‘ He wore a sleeveless shirt and Draco was pleased to see that he had apparent tan lines where his short sleeves normally ended. Ha.‘
‘Cream. Cream for his…lumps. Lump cream.
‘ “I guess I’m insinuating that you’ve got frozen water flowing through your veins and a huge gaping black hole where you’re heart ought to be.” ‘
Over the fireplace was a portrait of a very familiar looking pale boy with white hair and angular features. He was dressed in grey and looked rather dreary and bored, and was drumming his fingers on the frame. When the portrait saw Harry looking at it, it flashed him an obscene gesture.
‘She cast a worried look at Draco and made a vague gesture towards Harry. What it meant was anybodies guess. Perhaps she meant that the two of them should try and escape together. Or perhaps she meant ‘Draco, you vile piece of pound scum, you’ll get yours, just like Potter’. Hard to tell with his mother- she was a fickle woman.’
‘Contrary to popular belief, Draco was not a shameful coward.
'Bugger that,' Draco thought, poising the quill near the paper artfully. "The major function of the human skin is to keep all the bits inside," he wrote. He looked at his answer. Somehow, that didn't seem to be enough.
All the while Severus was giving Lupin a stare that, if looks could kill, would have stabbed, hung, poisoned, and suffocated the friendly lycanthrope.
‘Harry didn't think of something, which Draco supposed shouldn't be too surprising. There was a –reason-, of course, that this was the undesirable crowd. If they –were- capable of fun, all of his illusions and certainties about life would have been irrevocably shattered.’
‘ "That's it," Ron shouted, yanking his wand from beneath his robes and elbowing Harry in the process, "He's –dead-."
‘You should come over to my house during winter holiday. We can have tea in the breakfast room."
‘ "The Boy Who Lived,"
‘ ”Oh. Oh...Oh, and for the record, I could just as easily accuse you of twisting the context of my nonexistent context twisting into the twisting of context." ‘
‘Shuddering out a breath, he played down to Remus' carnal blackmail and started stroking down the other boy's arm with the same finesse you'd use on a sandpapering project.
‘ "I can't see anything." Lupin said quite suddenly.
‘Snape held onto the blanket at least; he was keeping the blanket; the rules said nothing about the blanket!’
‘ “Thank heavens,” she said with a grateful sigh. “Right now, have either one of you seen Professor Dumbledore? I have some business to resolve with that man! Regarding proper uses of tea!” ‘
‘ "How are you feeling?" she asked, somewhat grudgingly.
‘Ha! Some days were just –worth- living.’
‘…with a howl of indignation he had recognised the figure as Potter. Fking HELL! There was –nowhere- that he could escape this blasted boy; not in his head, not in his bed, not even at 4:30am in the (otherwise) deserted grounds of the castle.’
‘ ‘No! You’re not –listening-.’
‘ ‘Malfoy, I…’ began Harry.
‘ ‘So,’ began Harry again, trying to state conclusions. ‘A long time ago, I met you in a shop. Details of that meeting, like for example how you called Hagrid some kind of servant or something, are for the moment irrelevant—’
‘ ‘Blimey. Did you really? Polyjuice Potion? But that’s an extraordinarily complex potion to brew, Potter. Forgive me for being rude, but there’s no way your Potion skills would have been up to it.’
‘ ‘I really don’t know,’ she answered delicately. -Your naivety is rather charming-, she thought.‘
‘ ‘The heat of -what- moment?’ asked Ron.
‘ ‘Harry! Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s disgusting,’ said Draco with mock disapproval.
‘ ‘You’re Superman!’
‘ ‘I hope I get to be a tiger.’
‘‘You’re a Leftie! Why didn’t I notice that before?’
‘Bollocks,’ stated Harry. ‘That’s just a myth perpetuated by parents of Lefties. All Righties know the truth: Lefties are misfits and loners, they quite often spend too long shopping and obsessing over their hair, and very often they over-compensate for their whole Leftiness by developing a script which they think of as individual, but which all Righties can see in a flash is just prissy, anal and a bit poncy.’’
“What do you like?”
Blaise gave him a ‘this isn’t over’ look, but Draco shot back his best ‘oh, yes it is’ glare.
Harry rolled his eyes. “If I survived the Slytherins, you can survive a couple of Gryffindors.”
“We think we’re better than you? C’mon, you’re a Malfoy, who could possibly think they’re better than you?” Harry said sarcastically.
“A star never hits the ground if it falls upside down,”
Harry studied the bowl of cherries for a moment in silence. Eat Lucius Malfoy’s cherries? -In the library?- It just didn’t seem right.
Draco’s eyes widened. “It doesn’t say that! School books can’t say things like that!” he whispered, sounding scandalized, pulling the book towards him and rereading it silently. “…Oh. It does.”
“You woke me up to bring me out here to watch it snow because your father bought your mother a cheap gift.”
“But…you….you were in the shower!”
For a moment Harry thought Draco would tell him exactly where to shove his sheets.
‘ -Is this really worth the time and effort?- But oh, it was. Draco had suggested that even as sick as a cross-eyed Muggle he was a better wizard than Harry. A comment like that could not go unchallenged. The only thing that worried Harry now was that Malfoy might sneeze on him. ‘
‘ "You heard me. Mr. Malfoy is unwell, and since he can hear your thoughts, you must pay attention close attention to the lesson so that he can still attend class today from his bed." Hahahahaa! Now this is service. My blanket, breakfast in bed, a lot of tissues, a hot water bottle, complete privacy, and thee. Attending class for me. YES! ‘
‘ "Now, pay careful attention, and ask whatever questions Mr. Malfoy has for me. Do you understand?" When was the last time you got laid, sir? ‘
‘ 'I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON-'
‘ "Potter, don't be a child. Five-hundred points from Gryffindor for not wanting to fck a Malfoy." ‘
‘ "You know, condoms? Pieces of latex, in the shape of a…you know, that you put over your…oh, come ON! Don't wizards have condoms?" ‘
‘ "Hermione said Ron was being an idiot?"
‘ "Life's too short to waste time being morose about things that you can't change. My new philosophy is grin and ignore it, maybe it'll go away." ‘
‘ "Ron, stop it. I'm sure they haven't done anything. Harry can't even admit he's gay never mind do much of anything about it."
‘ "50 Ways To Come Out to Your Friends & Family," read Draco. "What number is 'Sneak extremely sexy Slytherin into your dormitory and surprise them all in the morning'?" ‘
‘ "No!" shouted Ron, as if saying it louder would make Harry more likely to agree. "You don't!" ‘
‘ "What are they doing?" cried Ron in horror. "Make them stop."
‘ He took hold of Harry's right wrist and pointed his wand. "Good thing we covered bondage in my Evil Overlords Summer Camp," he remarked. ‘
‘ "Wild horses couldn't persuade me to go anywhere near that bed," said Hermione firmly. "There're some things I just don't need to see and whatever they might be doing is definitely one of them." ‘
‘ I'M the one who should be revolted by the thought of marriage with a nearsighted no-name whose only distinction is that he's managed to stay alive all these years, how impressive is that?" ‘
‘ "Oh, yeah," said Harry, who was shaking with rage and hardly knew what he was saying, "me and the Slytherins, we all got together and had a bake sale, raised loads of money for evil, no worries there." ‘
‘ "It´s not a quiet life, being Harry Potter," Draco went on, warming to his subject. "I´ve got classes, plus Quidditch, plus interviews with the Daily Prophet, loads of good to do and evil to vanquish, plus I´m being hunted down by the remorseless killer who murdered my parents. I haven´t got time to go barging around after girls." ‘
‘ Well," said Harry, "you know, we´re kept pretty busy having Young Death Eater meetings, and then we spend a lot of time making loads of other students feel bad about their lack of money and social standing. Sometimes we stay up all night and try to raise demons to do our loathsome bidding, but most evenings we just order pizza and pull the wings off a few flies." ‘
‘ He told this to his two loyal best friends, and they, for once, couldn't think of a good response to that. Maybe he should have kept the Ron-is-destined-for-Hermione-and-therefore-cannot-appreciate-Draco's-sexiness part to himself. ‘
‘ Malfoy wasn't supposed to enjoy Harry's evil-ish plan to publicly embarrass him. ‘
‘ Glancing down, he discovered a large, heavy wolf rubbing against him and moving into a position that looked suspiciously like it planned to --
‘ //Just keep your mouth shut,// thought Draco to himself. //Let Harry do the talking. They know Harry, they like Harry...// ‘
‘ “…I'm done trying now." Ron launched himself at Harry with his hands outstretched. "I'm going to hit you until you start making sense again." ‘
‘ "Sorry Ron," said Seamus. "We really can't let you kill Harry."
‘ Sirius stared at him in shock trying to process everything Harry had thrown at him.
‘ That he couldn't simply proves my point. It wouldn't be the first time he's bitten off more than he could chew." A horrified look crossed Snape's face as he realised the double entendre in what he'd said. "I mean... he's prone to taking on more than he can handle." He looked as if he'd swallowed something extremely unpleasant as he realised that could be taken the wrong way too. ‘
‘ "I am not pouting!" exclaimed Draco in horror, immediately pulling his lips into a thin, straight line. ‘
‘ "Well, maybe," Harry admitted. "But not you, I had other people to hate that much. You were just... really, really irritating." ‘
‘ Draco sighed. So much for mature, at one with the tides of the earth,
‘ "Besides, this is dark green -- one of your House colors. You like that, don't you?" He dangled the sweater enticingly, but Severus glared at him and clutched the black sweater tighter. ‘
‘ "Yes, yes, all right." Severus retreated to the waiting area and snatched up a magazine, immediately burying his nose in it. Remus considered pointing out that Severus was "engrossed" in a maternity magazine, but he thought better of it since he considered himself too young to die. ‘
‘ Oh, okay, I’m in bed with someone. Normally this would have set off the warning signs, but in his muddled state, all he felt was pride at his leap of brilliance. ‘
‘ Reality took that instant to perk-up and say ‘hi!’ ‘
‘ Unfortunately, the warm-fuzzies didn’t last very long before fading and Harry and Draco were left glaring at each other over their joined hands. They reached a mutual unspoken agreement that this was the start of something very bad. ‘
‘ He looks cold, but he’s so warm, like a furnace. ‘
‘ This must be some new form of torture on his part. 'Killing with kindness', that must be it. Not that I would call this kind… ‘
‘ "Well, that's nice. I'm not even a proper villain, I'm the 'safe' one." Draco's tone was harshly bitter. ‘
‘ "All I see is Remus helping Snape- who, despite his over-large nose, counts as only one Slytherin- with a research project. All Lily sees is Remus helping Snape- still a singular entity- with a research project. All Peter sees-" ‘
‘ "All right," James said finally. "You are not attracted to Remus. You are certainly not jealous of Snape. You are simply acting as any concerned person would when a friend was in imminent danger of finally getting some.” ‘
‘ No. You are the most hot-headed, bloody-minded, thoughtless, tactless_oblivious_ prick, I've ever met, but you're not stupid. ‘
‘ "Oh fine, be prudish..." ‘
‘ "I know! And that's the problem! I can't do this anymore, really I can't! And its not the just the lack of girl action--stop laughing damnit, I know I didn't have any even before this--Malcom Baddock was hitting on me Harry! Hitting on me!" ‘
‘ "I'm in love with Harry Potter."
‘ "--oh, and that makes it better? Why, he didn't even ask for my permission to date you," Lucius added, "Going against the sacred plan of my Lord Voldemort is one thing. Not presenting himself to me like a proper man is something entirely." ‘
‘ It was Harry’s turn. “I’ve never crossed dressed.”
‘ “You shouldn't keep Ron, 'Mione, and Draco waiting."
‘//One... year... anniversary... with... MALFOY... at... a... SKI-LODGE?//’
‘ Harry had sudden visions of Draco in a room so covered in cats that one couldn't see the floor or any wall space. Cats were climbing all over his head, and Draco was cackling, "On, on, my Dread Feline Army!" He had to smother his laughter at the very thought. ‘
‘ “It’s no one. I mean-nothing! Not no one, because there is no one to be something of since it’s nothing and nothing isn’t something because obviously then it would be something which it isn’t and...umm...it’s...uhh...not... not...ummm...” ‘
‘ "I don't understand," persisted McGonagall. "They were fighting each other in the hall just last week. And now . . . are you telling me that Severus caught them kissing days ago . . . and Fawkes knew about it?" ‘
‘ … but I do remember it was delightfully funny at the time. ‘
‘ Although as he ran, he fumed. I've been turned into something small and puny, ohhh the indignity, the shame, the disgrace... -Argh!- Incoming human barrier consisting of beaver-like bookworm, weasel and a four-eyed speccy git. Must make leap for freedom! ‘
‘ … then proceed to stun Draco with his intelligence and if not, his wit and charm. Ok, maybe not, but he would stare at him and hope that the allure of his eyes alone would make Draco fall into his arms. ‘
Harry snapped his eye's shut. He didn't want to know who was there. Not Malfoy, not Malfoy, not...
Draco's jaw dropped open and his smirk immediately turned to embarrassment, "No! Not that you perv!"
“My WHAT!” Draco stared at Ron in disbelief for a second, then turned to Harry. “Good God! Does the whole school think I’m shagging anything in a skirt?”
“And I am. I’m just objecting to the term ‘girlfriend.’ You’re jumping to conclusions that aren’t . . . uh . . . accurate.”
He noticed Draco tailing him as he did every game, instead of look for the ball himself. For some reason Draco seemed to think that he could rely on his slower-than-Harry’s broom to get to the Snitch even if Harry spotted it first, which really is a mystery to HP fans everywhere, and makes them wonder why Draco never changes his strategy even though he loses every time. Oh well, you do what you have to do, I suppose.
"Well Jesus, sorry for trying to make out in the astronomy tower! It's not supposed to be just for cuddling, Harry!"
“Harry,” Draco began, calling him Harry for the first time in his life which is of the utmost significance,
“Is there a problem here?” Snape asked, swooping down on them with his robes billowing about him and his face twisted into an ugly sneer, his nose protruding more than normally and his sallow cheeks looking somewhat sunken, although this did not stop students (boys and girls alike) from sighing dreamily over him and putting his initials in little hearts in their notebooks and fantasizing about mounting his scrawny, sallow body, because honestly, what other teachers could be deceptively alluring? Flitwick? McGonagall? No, it must be Snape.
Hang on a second, Gina's name was Ginny? Bugger it. Next someone'd be telling him that the Weasley twins weren't called Fred and Greg.
“Harry, you seem a bit jumpy.”
-I’m just looking at the door-, Harry tried to project to the world. -The door. Fascinating door. Haven’t appreciated it properly over the past six and a half years, must appreciate it now.-
Once he had reached it, he hammered on the stretch of bare stone that Harry remembered was the Slytherin entrance. Justlike the Slytherins, he reflected, to have an entrance hidden from the other houses. Slytherins were always doing things like that, and appearing in the bottom of lakes where nobody wanted to see them, and then refusing to talk to people all day.
‘Malfoy, it’s icy out there and neither of us have cloaks!”
“What conclusion have you come to, Wonder Boy? I have no doubt it’s brilliant.”
Harry had conceived of a new plan. Kill Malfoy, hide the body in the lake, and then see if he really missed him all that much.
“Shut up, Potter.”
He didn't want to lie to them, he wasn't ashamed, but he did feel - as if the whole matter was fragile. It had gone surprisingly well so far, but add Ron, the Reason Redheads Got Their Bad Name, to the mix and Draco Malfoy would be a dot on the horizon. A dot pointing Harry and Ron out and saying, 'They tried to kill me, Professor Snape!'
"Right," Ron resumed. "Where was I?"
He began to make furious calculations on his napkin.
"Watch it!" snapped Ron, who was in no mood to let Malfoy cheek him by deliberately existing.
"Oh, my hair," Malfoy said mournfully some time afterwards, once they were back on the ground. "That's the worst thing about flying. My -hair-..."
And as I recall, in a crisis you tend to pelt off screaming like a girl."
Eventually, he abandoned the indirect path and let out a noise that was half cough and half "Malfoy!"
"There are seven hundred ways of committing a foul in Quidditch," Malfoy informed him loftily. "I couldn't be bothered to learn them all."
"You four-eyed git! I'm bloody gorgeous," he said, folding his arms. "Quite good-looking, indeed! I've never been so insulted in my life."
Draco looked thoroughly exasperated, and a bit like he would have enjoyed hitting Harry with a chair. Draco could not have been nastier, considering these were someone's honest feelings; he was just being the callous and selfish git Harry had always wanted to pummel into unconsciousness and...
Well, it didn't count as lying if Lupin clearly didn't believe a word Harry said.
Hermione squinted at them, trying her hand at analysis again. This was difficult because she had a Greek chorus in her head that was prone to chanting 'Bastard!' whenever Malfoy was present.
"Never, ever drop money to grab a person!" he admonished sternly. "You can buy people with money!"
"Draco," Harry snapped, "you're not even any good at lying!"
"Oh, no," Draco said dismissively. "It's a terrible name. Harry, for instance. To harry means to worry or harass, and to potter means to amble about. Think about the message you're sending out to the world! It sounds like you wander around harassing people."
"Great," Draco said in a pleased tone. "A bachelor pad in town. Fun." He frowned. "Unless Weasley's going to live there too, in which case I shall refuse your kind invitation on the grounds that he would inhospitably smother me in my sleep."
-Marvellous-, Harry thought. -It's after I start being attracted to a boy that girls in their pyjamas decide to swarm me on a bed-.
She spotted Harry and the other girls, and slipped over to them as fast as she could. Harry Potter, ladies' man, was beginning to feel as if fate was playing a practical joke on him.
Pansy hit him on the knuckles with her spoon. "Draco, if you touch my ice-cream again I'll hex you," she warned. "I am a woman. It is chocolate. What part of this do you not understand?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "I do, Harry. You have no idea how I do," he said in a bored voice. "For you are Harry Potter, brave and righteous saviour of the wizarding world. Who is there who doubts his nobility and truth? They will answer to the people, and the people will look upon them with scorn and bid them begone, and also make hurtful personal comments."
"Er," he said. "I'm, er, Harry Potter. And my intellect hasn't really progressed from the age of twelve. I really like, um, Quidditch, and also, evil is bad. Hermione's really more into the brainy stuff. Thank you for your time."
"Fine," said Harry, and did his best at affecting a drawl. "I'm Draco Malfoy. I think I'm cool, but I have colour-coded notes, and I think I'm self-possessed, but I throw almost daily tantrums, and I think I'm God's gift to women, but the waitress is eyeing up my clearly more toned and muscular friend. I suppose I should have paid more attention to Quidditch, which I actually really like but am acting snobbish about just now, because I am also a horrible, horrible snob."
"I'm, er, just an ordinary boy, like every other boy," he countered. "Sorry, who did you say you wanted that autograph made out to? Okay, great. You know who're nasty? Prejudiced people! I think they should all be ostracised and then possibly killed, because, we are better than they are. Look! There's evil! Should I alert the proper authorities? No, for I am Harry Potter, and it is my sacred duty to vanquish it! I am the bane of the powers of darkness!"
"I once made a speech about cheating as an art form," Harry drawled, "and I have a friend with the notes to prove it. I have a mental list of students who can be counted on to cry if I'm mean to them, and I talk too much - hey-"
"Hey, Ron's not that bad," Harry protested.
"Are you telling me," he said slowly, "that Veela allure is less powerful than your personal vanity?"
Harry folded his arms across his chest. "So, I suppose the only match for Gryffindor stupidity is Slytherin idiocy."
Draco put a hand over his mouth. “For the love of Merlin.” He whispered. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. Get up and walk away right now, but don’t tell me you’re sorry.”
‘ “Ok. And what are we going to do?” Harry asked, becoming annoyed. He’d expected a different sort of morning after. More kissing and exclamations of love and less being ordered around and hit with clothing items. ‘
It had been inevitable from the moment he overheard Dumbledore talking to the teachers. He was Harry Potter, and everything really unpleasant that happened at Hogwarts happened to him. Why would this be any different?
‘ A quiet Malfoy was a creepy Malfoy. ‘
Harry cast a doubtful glance at the boy in the next bed and thought, privately, that if he were any farther from 'perfectly fine,' he'd be decomposing.
McGonagall opened and closed her mouth a few times, like a beached fish, then exclaimed, "Albus, I do believe you've cracked under the strain of the past few days!"
"Not hatred?" She stared at him as if he had tentacles sprouting from his forehead and demanded, "What then? And if you try to tell me that those two boys really love each other but would rather blast each other to twitching jelly than admit it, I swear I'll have you locked up in St. Mungo's!"
"Not started. I always felt things for him."
Hermione waited for him to go on, but he was apparently finished. She stared at him, blankly, and said, "Is that it? Do you think you could be a –little- more disinterested?"
Ron cleared his throat and spoke without looking at Harry. "Yeah, we do. The truth is, Harry, that I think you're completely nutters, but I'd rather have you nutters and happy than going into a decline."
"You have no poetry in your soul, Potter. How can you sit there, shouting insults at me, when the stars are falling?"
"Now go talk to Ginny. Or I will beat you up. And Fred and George will beat you up, and then Percy will beat you up - though you probably won't notice that - and then Charlie will beat you up. And he'll have dragons, so I don't think there'll actually be much left of you, which will piss Bill off."
"Well, that Slytherins are better kissers," she said. "You know, it goes like this... Gryffindors plunge right in, Ravenclaws work at it, Hufflepuffs try harder... but Slytherins know all the tricks."
Harry blinked. "Sorry?"
"Take care of him," she whispered menacingly in Harry's ear. "Keep him safe, or I'll charm off your manly parts and keep them in a jar to experiment with."
"-Why- are they friends?" Ron demanded. "If they fight all the time, why did they have to be friends? Couldn't they have stayed enemies? I –liked- that!"
"Er - bookish people. Don't like them," Harry answered.
"All right," he said after a minute. "Go in there and tell Weasley all about it."
Forgive me for the unkind words, gentle lady," said Malfoy, and she was pretty sure her death glare was all that stopped him from bowing. He smirked at her instead.
Malfoy gave him a level look. "I killed him," he said pleasantly, as he and Harry settled themselves back in their seats. "Then I Transfigured my pocket handkerchief into Harry Potter, in order to escape repercussions and completely fool you all. D'you think my hanky will be any good at defeating evil?"
"I don't think we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto," said Harry.
Now the scowl was more genuinely Harry's. That is to say, innocent and shocked and surprised and not all-together happy. "I-I'm not a self-righteous drama queen. I happen to be right a whole lot, and I have had a ... a... very tragic life so far. Bad things happen to me, and I get mad about them. Ever heard of a bloke named Voldemort?"
"You oblivious, little sap," Malfoy muttered, and Harry was even more confused. Who was the oblivious sap? Harry was not a sap. He was a dark, deeply troubled young man.
Biddy looked scandalized. “Oh no, Miss! Biddy is not escaping! Biddy is a good house-elf! Master Malfoy trusted Biddy to bring a message to Professor Dumbledore! Oh, Biddy’s master is good and kind and he trusts Biddy!”
‘A buttercup?’ said Malfoy, horrified. ‘You mean to tell me I stood here badmouthing Voldemort with a –buttercup- in my hair? You could have said!’
Something that was a combination of a laugh, a shout and a sob grew rapidly inside him and fought its way out. He panicked and quickly disguised it as a cough, but not very well. It sounded like he was choking. Ron helpfully slapped him on the back and he bit his tongue painfully.
He’d been coping all right. He was getting on with his work, quietly minding his own business. Why did Potter have to turn up and sit there, right in front of him?
He had shifted uncomfortably in his seat a few times, but he was quite aware that…-it-…wasn’t going to go away while Harry was sitting there…-breathing- at him.
He helped himself to some Sleakeazy’s Hair Potion, which someone had conveniently left next to the taps. Voldemort’s forces of darkness might try to kidnap him but that was no reason why he shouldn’t look nice.
After all the peculiar dreams he’d been having, it was hard to believe that real life could be even weirder.
Draco didn’t look convinced but he watched curiously as Harry picked up a Hotel business card and started poking it into the narrow gap between the door and its frame. He jiggled it around for about a minute, muttering impatiently under his breath. Then he swore quietly and kicked the door, throwing the crumpled remains of the card onto the bed.
Draco’s eyebrows shot up into his hair. ‘What? –Now-?’ he asked in astonishment. ‘I mean I’d love to, but…how’s –that- going to help, exactly?’
He sat heavily on the marble floor and rubbed his forehead, for lack of anything more constructive to do. -A laundry chute? I had the chance to defeat the most evil wizard in the world with nothing more than some heavy chinaware, and he escaped…down a laundry chute?-
...sending him back to school on your broomstick – which I have of course noticed despite your brilliant hiding-place. Under the sofa, Potter, -honestly!-’ Harry glared at him.
‘In a race against time to escape with our lives…you stopped to steal the soap?’
-You prat! Turn around so I can scowl at you properly!-
Before this thought could cheer him, he was distracted by a commotion coming from the top of the staircase. It sounded like a group of several people yelling in stage whispers over another voice which was raised in protest. A moment later a series of thunks became audible, and Harry Potter bounced down the stairs and rolled into the common room, fetching up at Draco's feet.
"Well, let's see," said Goyle. "Harry Potter wants to kiss you. He's gorgeous and rich and great at Quidditch, and you've been obsessed with him since you were eleven."
Harry wondered what was going on, all this nonsense and leaving but not leaving and going and staying and giving and then abandoning. It was very strange, it convinced him even more that Malfoy was nutty.
Even stranger was the fact that they were smiling as they came toward him. Well, Granger was, Weasley looked like he was being dragged to Azkaban.
He briefly entertained the notion that she could be plotting something but immediately dismissed the idea with a scoff, ‘-Gryffindors don’t plot-.’
“No proper hero should be so filthy.”
“I’m a Slytherin, Harry. I may get scared, but I’m never helpless. And I can’t leave a call for revenge unanswered. It’s a moral imperative.”
“What?” Draco blinked, “Harry Potter fighting the Evil One is no big deal, but if he goes up against one of his powerful minions, it is?” He made a face and then took another sip of his mead, “People are getting more and more ignorant every day.”
“Hey!” Ron lengthened his stride, “Why aren’t you answering my question? Hmm, Harry? And why are you all red? You better not have a crush on Malfoy! You… Harry! Are you really having –feelings- for that git?”
Damn, stupid, idiotic, dumb, annoying crush!
Harry bit his lip. "Do you like me?"
Really, a 16-year-old boy shot for “manly” and “tough”, not “beautiful”!
“Right...,” Harry groaned and slumped back, “just what I need. Maybe the next time Voldemort comes after me, I’ll shoo him off with my glittery fairy powders. And who knows? I bet Tinkerbelle would simply –love- to be my partner.
“But he looks like he’s having so much fun,” Tonks said unabashedly. “It’d be rude to interrupt.”
Malfoy raised his wand and, with a flick of his wrist, coolly levitated his trunk into the carriage. As he replaced his wand, Harry caught his eye. Malfoy raised one eyebrow as he took in Harry’s manual labour. Harry felt torn between the desire to smile and the desire to tell him to piss off.
The problem was, he didn't want people to like him. Not the majority, anyway. He just wanted them to do what he said. People, as it is commonly known, are stupid.
He wouldn't be wearing it again for a while. Not until he could get the dirty feel of posing with it slung over his shoulder out of his mind.
“What do you want?” Harry asked, “Shouldn’t you be calling you’re -oh so wonderful- Master so he can come back in here and torture me?” Why did it always seem like he was his most antagonistic when he was in danger? It really wasn’t a good thing.
If Gryffindors didn’t –want- to be eaten alive by mosquitoes, the mosquitoes would say -okay, precious ones, we'll just go find that ruddy Malfoy boy.-