Sucktastic Valdez
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Joined 04-12-11, id: 2839526, Profile Updated: 10-15-12
Author has written 6 stories for Kane Chronicles, Hunger Games, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Avengers.

Howdie y'all! I Am Team Percy here, I'm not big on profiles but here are some funny Chuck Norris jokes. (And you guys thought I would actually put stuff about me!!! :P)



1. Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on, not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of him.

2. Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and was served.

3. Chuck Norris died ten years ago but death doesn't have the courage to tell him.

4. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed fifty people, then the grenade exploded.

5. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

6. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man, in the soul.

7. Chuck Norris can read Lady Gaga's poker face.

8. Chuck Norris counted to infinite, twice.

9. Corners get backed into Chuck Norris.

10. Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

11. Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.

12. Global Warming is caused by Chuck Norris working out.

13. Milk never expires for Chuck Norris.

14. Chuck Norris doesn't get struck by lightning, lightning gets struck by Chuck Norris.

15. Chuck Norris doesn't get excited to get presents from Santa. Santa gets excited to give presents to Chuck Norris.

16. Chuck Norris can make an omelette without breaking any eggs.

17. Chuck Norris once ran a marathon backwards just to see what second place looked like.

18. Notice, there are no Chuck Norris video games. They would be way too easy.

19. Chuck Norris tells his GPS when he wants to turn.

20. Chuck Norris does not shave, his beard would cut through the steel blade.

21. Chuck Norris makes his own Girl Scout cookies using real Girl Scouts.

22. Chuck Norris=Winning

23. Chuck Norris keeps his house on a leash, to make sure it doesn't run away.

24. Chuck Norris once made a robot for his science class, we now know this robot as the Terminator.

25. Chuck Norris doesn't have to worry about keeping up with the Kardashians...he knows where they are at all times.

26. Bill Gates calls Chuck Norris for tech support.

27. When the boogyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

28. Dictionary definition for violence: Chuck Norris.

29. Chuck Norris's beard is worth 10x its weight in gold.

30. Chuck Norris knows you are reading this, he just lets you live.

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KINDERGARTEN by HermioneMaggieJareau reviews
You've seen what the team is like now, but now you'll get to see what they were like in kindergarten. Also, all the characters are the same age.
Criminal Minds - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 37 - Words: 89,319 - Reviews: 326 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 4/8/2013 - Published: 1/24/2011 - Complete
Five Things by Lynabelle reviews
Five wishes or thoughts or secrets of the Criminal Minds characters that they will probably take to the grave with them. "Sometimes he can't help but think he's the token genius. "
Criminal Minds - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 5,393 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 4/19/2012 - Published: 3/10/2011 - Tobias H., S. Reid
150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do On Mount Olympus by Taayluur reviews
"You're right, Ares! Things have been boring! Let's shake it up! I'm taking this list to a monumental scale!" Apollo, Ares, Aphrodite, and Hades beamed up at Hermes."Bigger and better than before! 150 things I'm not allowed to do On Mount Olympus!"
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 21 - Words: 28,178 - Reviews: 843 - Favs: 387 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 2/18/2012 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Hermes - Complete
A Glimpse by Lynabelle reviews
A short glimpse at parts of the character's lives. A drabble series companion to Five Things. "The familiar number that she remembers without trying is punched into the phone quickly, before she's thought about it."
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 2,021 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/3/2011 - Published: 6/20/2011 - Elle G., S. Reid
150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Camp HalfBlood by Taayluur reviews
Why Hello liberated Demi-Gods of Camp Half-Blood! Connor and Travis Stoll here, and after much thinking. We decided ,Hell, Kronos is gonna kill us all soon anyway? So why not make a list! A list no one has ever dared to make before...
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 13,444 - Reviews: 956 - Favs: 612 - Follows: 186 - Updated: 5/14/2011 - Published: 3/30/2011 - Connor S., Travis S. - Complete
Revenge Fantasy by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak reviews
A killer who's been taunting NCIS for 6 months drops a body out-of-state, forcing them to call the FBI. They soon realize the killer has other motives besides killing young Petty Officers and Tony & Reid get caught in his twisted trap. WARNING: violence
Crossover - NCIS & Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Crime/Suspense - Chapters: 22 - Words: 49,437 - Reviews: 277 - Favs: 363 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 4/28/2011 - Published: 1/24/2011 - Tony D., S. Reid - Complete
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Avengers Assemble 2: When Extremes Meet reviews
Three months after the events of "Avengers Assemble: The Olympian Avengers" and the invasion of New York, Gaea is reawakening again. Now Percy, Jason, Max, Katniss, Carter and Sadie must unite with new allies to save the world. Friendships will be tested and loyalties will be broken as Gaea seeks to destroy Olympus and anyone in her path.
Crossover - Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 17 - Words: 27,544 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/24/2014 - Published: 10/1/2012 - Percy J., Loki
10 Halloween Tales From Camp Half-Blood reviews
Percy, Annabeth, Grover, Jason and Nico sit around an open fire and tell scary stories on Halloween night. 5 stories to chill the spine: The Curse of Arachne, Can't Eat Meat, The Lost Legion, Poseidon's Bounty and The Hades Express. Let the horrors (and fun) begin! October 2013 Expansion: Read tales from Piper, Leo, Frank, Thalia and Hazel!
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,783 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 10/11/2013 - Published: 10/22/2012 - Annabeth C., Percy J. - Complete
A Very Camp Half-Blood 4th Of July! reviews
When the Spirit of the Argo II is transformed into a girl Leo instantly falls in love. Can he ask her to the fireworks show or will Flame Boy get cold feet?
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,370 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/5/2013 - Leo V. - Complete
Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At The Capitol reviews
"I can't believe President Snow is forcing us to play in the Hunger Games again!" complained Katniss. "I know but there's nothing we can do about it," said Peeta. "Maybe not!" she screamed. This Quarter Quell is going to be funny!
Hunger Games - Rated: T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,074 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 4/26/2013 - Published: 2/20/2012 - Katniss E., Peeta M. - Complete
Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Per Ankh reviews
Set decides to send Carter and Sadie on a quest, a quest for laughs! Cracks on Salt, Sanubis, Zarter and more!
Kane Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 18 - Words: 8,736 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 4/26/2013 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Carter K., Sadie K. - Complete
Avengers Assemble: The Olympian Avengers reviews
Based on "The Avengers". Zeus and Athena decide to assemble earth's mightiest heroes; Percy Jackson, Jason Grace, Katniss Everdeen, Maximum Ride and the Kane siblings to help them fight Gaea and the Giants. But are the book Avengers a team or a timebomb? Alternate time to "The Lost Hero".
Crossover - Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Kane Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 21 - Words: 25,758 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 4/26/2013 - Published: 6/5/2012 - Percy J., Carter K. - Complete