Card Carrying Villains
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Joined 04-19-11, id: 2857483, Profile Updated: 04-20-13
Author has written 25 stories for G. I. Joe, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe, Hellsing, Battlestar Galactica: 2003, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Homestuck, Parks and Recreation, Sherlock, Inglourious Basterds, D.E.B.S., Avengers, and Harry Potter.

The Card Carrying Villains are a group of five writers:

Spades - A bit of a weirdo with a tendency to ship pairings where the characters hate each other in canon. Has no sense of what is and isn't going to squick out the rest of the planet. Has the unfortunate luck of being short and cute and as such, a lolita (this is often made fun of). Has a Napoleon Complex the size of Asia. Has a slightly solipsistic tendency and believes she is the god of any world she imagines in her mind. Likes Homestuck, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Durarara!!, D.Gray-Man, Discworld, Harry Potter, drawing, yaoi and blood. Dislikes spelling or grammatical errors on billboards/public property/restaurant menus, windshield wipers that are out of sync with one another, un-alphabetized books, most humans, things that are monochromatic, grape medicine, needles, and weather hotter than 85 degrees farenheit (or Celsius. Kelvin's fine though). (I have my own separate account on here, so if the name Forte Nox means anything to you, then Hi. Quit stalking me :D )

Hearts - The only of the Card Carrying Villans to recently be in any sort of romantic relationship, thus the name. Also the resident vampire (pale, creepy girl who doesn't like sunlight, likes the taste of blood--Hey! I'm iron deficient!). I suppose I'm actually a bit of a hopeless romantic, but not often outwardly. I adore math, science, sci fi, reading anything at all including ancient philosophy, and poetry. I can seem much more snarky and cynical than I actually am, and most people peg me as "general extreme nerd" and so are surprised by my periodically bubbly and occasionally morbid (sometimes at the same time) moods, as well as my sense of humor which makes sense to no one (including myself). Some people are surprised at how often I swear. Others are surprised at how often I self-censor. As for fanfic, I like Doctor Who, Torchwood, Harry Potter, Firefly, Wicked, Hitchhiker's Guide, Battlestar Galactica, Good Omens, Monstrous Regiment, The Millenium Trilogy, Hellsing, Parks and Recreation, Sherlock and quite a few other's I'm not remembering right now. Oh, and I'm lesbian as hell and so write/read femmeslash. I like femmeslash stories that are nice combination of plot and sex (too much sex is just a bit gross) from any fandom. I dislike warm weather, humid weather, idiotic grammar and spelling mistakes, horribly written books (ie, Twilight), crazed caffeinated fangirl stalkers, and stereotyping. I'm now struggling to end this on a positive note...I love theater. There, that's positive! I'm also here as Impossible Cherry Blossom, so if you'd like that account: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2810137/Impossible_Cherry_Blossom

Diamonds - A frequent loner and accomplished troll with more talent for drawing/illustrating stories than writing them. Likes Doctor Who, Torchwood, Reborn!, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Durarara!!, Hellsing, and Homestuck. Also up there is annoying people (siblings especially) for the hell of it. Dislikes hot weather, bad spelling and grammar in fanfiction or otherwise, Twilight, and stalkerish fangirls. Most of the rest are tolerable. Tends to be verbose and occasionally forgets about contractions, though if given a word requirement she usually won't be able to meet it. So it goes.

Clubs - A hopeless romantic (when it comes to fics, that is. In everyday life is pretty much indifferent), who has a tendency to start long, sometimes complicated storylines and never finish them. Or random and strange one-shots. Also has a tendency to become obsessed with newly discovered pairings to the point of writing nothing but stories about that pairing for weeks. Likes Hellsing, Harry Potter, Invader Zim, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Supernatural, Glee, and Death Note. Dislikes bright sunlight in the morning. NOTE: If you're looking for a story that Clubs has written and cannot find it, I have probably posted it on my personal account instead, found here -- http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2588682/cheetorion24

Jokers - A snarker with a talent for sarcasm, angst and coming up with crackitycrackcrack story concepts. Likes GI Joe, X-Men, Harry Potter, Dragon Age and Star Wars. Dislikes suddenly a romance! fics, misspelled fic summaries, Sues/Stus and Twilight. The book, not the time. The time is quite enjoyable. Also, unable to meet word limits. Tell me to write a page max, I write five. Tell me to write 700 words minimum, well...I'll get you around four hundred. Maybe. If you give me a loooooong time. See, look, my description already falls far behind the standard set by my fellow writers.


A list of who wrote what, last updated on 5/28/12:

Spades - Crazy Eights, Hopeless, Misery Pities Company, Not Too Late to Live, Only Half

Hearts - Changing Names, Dubious Breathing, Faith, Love and Irene, Tears of Notlovers, Grateful

Diamonds - Clarity, Promise, Sightless

Clubs - Behind These Emerald Eyes, Death of the Immortal, Over and Over, The Man Who Knew Too Little (With Jokers)

Jokers - A Little, In Which the Timeline Becomes Confused, Once Upon a Dreambubble, The Man Who Knew Too Little (With Clubs), The Water


A note on reviews:

The villains would appreciate reviews but, as Jokers is a bit of a pyromaniac (and Hearts likes to stand in the distance and laugh maliciously at bonfires), flames are discouraged.

Alternatively, flames are used to power Spades' quantum transducer, which is used to convert random crap into plot.

Which you don't really want if you think our stories are stupid, so really, flames are just counterproductive.


This account is occupied by a group of people who are good friends who have a lot of fun together. None of use mind PMs, just don't get too creepy!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Arashikage by Karama9 reviews
A re-imagining of part of Storm Shadow's story, in the first person. Updated with an AU vs canon guide and 3 preview scenes from the sequel.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 145,076 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/14 - Published: 4/20/2009 - Storm Shadow - Complete
Silence by Lady Jaye1 reviews
Marvel/GI Joe crossover. Sometimes being a mutant means having to hide it.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 322,391 - Reviews: 487 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 3/16/2013 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Beach Head, Lifeline
Go Your Own Way by Zavocado reviews
Kurt Hummel just wants to get through his Junior Year at McKinley in one piece. But when the new guy from Dalton Academy Reform School for Boys takes an alarming interest in him, he's certain he's going to be in for a wild ride. Badboy!Blaine, Klaine, AU
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 201,105 - Reviews: 3902 - Favs: 5,160 - Follows: 3,725 - Updated: 3/12/2012 - Published: 7/26/2011 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
They'll Probably Change it Later by scrambled-eggs-at-midnight reviews
"Okay. So, you're pregnant, God's the baby-daddy—don't ask me, I got nothing—Joseph's gonna help raise the kid, and, oh, yeah, the midget's gonna save humanity and open the kingdom of Heaven, blah, blah, blah, have fun."
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,392 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 27 - Published: 12/25/2011 - Gabriel - Complete
These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For by Kelaria reviews
A bumbling Stormtrooper, a passive-aggressive Sith Lord, and a mysterious Nerf herder save the galaxy from the forces of evil!
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 147,076 - Reviews: 339 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 11/30/2011 - Published: 5/25/2010 - Complete
Corazones y Cazadores by Totenkinder Madchen reviews
Cobra's interest in an archaeological site in the Andes quickly turns into something much worse for the Joes. Normally, the enemies they face are less ... bitey. COMPLETE.
Crossover - Aliens/Predator & G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 17 - Words: 70,464 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 11/3/2011 - Published: 10/13/2010 - Complete
Symposium by templremus1990 reviews
Even before Torchwood, Jack kept unusual company. Madame Vastra/Jenny; silly, fluffy oneshot. Characters from 6.07 but no spoilers for the plot of that episode.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 887 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/7/2011 - Jack H., Jenny - Doctor's Daughter - Complete
Airbender's Child: Water by SCWLC reviews
Zuko's father was always disappointed his son wasn't a good enough firebender. His mother was disappointed he was a firebender at all. AU. Part one of a trilogy continued in Airbender's Child: Earth.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 58,550 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 10/24/2010 - Published: 9/1/2010 - Zuko - Complete
Homestead by Queen reviews
Suu is a single mom with a farm to run. When she meets a peculiar man with no apparent past, she finds herself in a more complicated situation than she anticipated. A Cut/Suu origins story.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 12 - Words: 29,241 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 8/21/2010 - Published: 6/5/2010 - Clones - Complete
Death of a Master by Karama9 reviews
A short story in three parts exploring the events immediately following the Hard Master's death from the perspective of the Soft Master and He Who Will Eventually be Known as Snake Eyes. Set in my usual AU Light as these are former Arashikage bonuses.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,680 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 5/25/2010 - Published: 5/23/2010 - Complete
Ninja Hunting by willwrite4fics reviews
BeachHead has to train his Greenshirts to fight ninjas.. using the GI Joe ninjas as targets. The return of Private Williams, Snake Eyes as a consultant, and much paintball mayhem.
G. I. Joe - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,106 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 11/19/2009 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Replacement reviews
"She can tell he isn't her husband, would have been able to even if a letter hadn't been slipped under her doorstep outlining Fred's death in vague detail." Mrs. Broca's thoughts from the day her husband is replaced to the day she leaves Cobra. By Jokers
G. I. Joe - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,317 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/25 - Complete
Simple Song reviews
Natasha falls in love, Clint is an asshole but a great friend, and the world spins on. Natasha/Pepper
Avengers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,176 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/6/2013 - Published: 3/3/2013 - Black Widow/Natasha R., Pepper P. - Complete
Love and War reviews
It is a well established fact that love is harder than crime. Or war. Or as it turns out, crime-fighting. Most days, that's okay. Because most days, love is better. Today is not one of them. Lucy/Amy. Written by Hearts
D.E.B.S. - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,063 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/1/2012 - Amy B., Lucy D. - Complete
The Man Who Knew Too Little reviews
Death agrees to help the Winchesters deal with Castiel after the S6 finale. But then the angel shows up in person, and everything changes. Destiel and other assorted pairings. By Clubs and Jokers
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,744 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 6/3/2012 - Published: 9/21/2011 - Dean W., Castiel
Grateful reviews
"I told you that you could use my office, I didn't say you could murder beautiful women in my office." AU from Bridget's death on. Bridget/Shoshanna
Inglourious Basterds - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,376 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/28/2012 - Shosanna D., B. Von Hammersmark - Complete
The Water reviews
The Leviathans disappeared into the resevoir. When they next reappeared, Castiel was not with them. Instead, his Grace, his very essence, appeared in a place called Lake Silencio on April 22, 2011. Fic by jokers, T for safety. By Jokers.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,573 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 4/30/2012 - Published: 10/1/2011 - River Song/Melody P. III, Castiel - Complete
Love and Irene reviews
Perhaps love had been her downfall in an old life, in the new one, it was her salvation. Irene and Kate post "A Scandal in Bohemia." By Hearts
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,272 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/29/2012 - Irene A. - Complete
Promise reviews
She killed the friend he never met. By Diamonds
Homestuck - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 877 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/11/2012 - Terezi P., John E. - Complete
Once Upon A Dreambubble reviews
You are Nepeta Leijon, and being dead is great, Aka the shenanigans of dead trolls. By Jokers
Homestuck - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,369 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/2/2012 - Karkat V., Nepeta L. - Complete
Dubious Breathing reviews
In the end, Ann wound up running Leslie's campaign again-Leslie/Ann fic, sort of a high T, borderline M. By Hearts
Parks and Recreation - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,932 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/17/2012 - Ann P., Leslie K.
Changing Names reviews
Your name is ROSE LALONDE. Tonight, that will no longer be true. Rose/Kanaya Written by Hearts.
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 890 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/1/2011 - Rose L., Kanaya M. - Complete
Sightless reviews
You are Terezi Pyrope and you have taken it upon yourself to help Sollux learn how to see, your way. If only he'd listen to anything you have to say. T for swearing. By Diamonds
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 833 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/15/2011 - Terezi P., Sollux C. - Complete
Not Too Late To Live reviews
Sollux is half-dead and on his way to full-dead. Aradia can't bring herself to tell him. But maybe things will work out anyway. Sollux/Aradia By Spades
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,160 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 14 - Published: 11/1/2011 - Aradia M., Sollux C.
Crazy Eights reviews
Love is love, pity is pity. You can't help that you've fallen flushed for a sociopath. Really, it's not your fault.
Homestuck - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,281 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/26/2011 - Kanaya M., Vriska S. - Complete
Hopeless reviews
You are Eridan Ampora and you are about to make a very painful choice. Warning: Major character death, serious angsting. By Spades
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,998 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/24/2011 - Eridan A. - Complete
Only Half reviews
The realization that Gamzee has voices in his head and, when sober, is prone to bipolar personality issues catches the attention of Sollux, who decides that the last thing Gamzee needs right now is to be alone. He should know. Sollux/Gamzee. By Spades
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,894 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/23/2011 - Sollux C., Gamzee M. - Complete
Clarity reviews
You are Gamzee Makara and this is your real life. Welcome to the dark carnival... By Diamonds
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,419 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 11 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Gamzee M. - Complete
Misery Pities Company reviews
You are Kanaya Maryam and you have been unceremoniously dropped into the position of deciding whether to become Eridan's new moirail or leave him alone to commit genocide. It's an easier decision than you think it should be. Rated T for swearing. By Spade
Homestuck - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,760 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/12/2011 - Eridan A., Kanaya M. - Complete
Over and Over
Over and over Dean has fallen for Cas. And that's why he can't let himself hope that there may be a way out when the angel goes all vengeful God on them. But being the stupid bastard he is, he just can't help it. Destiel, T for language. By Clubs.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,629 - Favs: 9 - Published: 9/29/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
Behind These Emerald Eyes reviews
Cas is just...gone. He disappeared after defeating Raphael, and try as he might, Dean just doesn't know what to do anymore. He's lost another friend, another person he considered part of his makeshift family. He's just...gone. Spoilers for 6x22. By Clubs
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,695 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/31/2011 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
In Which the Timeline Becomes Confused reviews
Because really, there is no good reason to steal a bagpipe. By Jokers
Crossover - Doctor Who & Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,278 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/25/2011 - 10th Doctor, Barty C. Jr. - Complete
Tears of NotLovers
It had been a bad breakup, in the past. There wasn't enough time, in the present. Cain/Starbuck, Cain/Roslin. By Hearts
Battlestar Galactica: 2003 - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,034 - Published: 7/13/2011 - H. Cain, L. Roslin
Death of the Immortal reviews
Alternate ending to Hellsing TV series with Incognito . Seras, fearing she may die trying to help her master defeat Incognito, shares her true feelings for the other vampire. AXS By Clubs
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,222 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/5/2011 - Alucard, Seras - Complete
Faith reviews
Idgie was not one for prayer. Except sometimes. Maybe. One-shot, slightly fluffy. By Hearts
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 375 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/26/2011 - Complete
A Little reviews
Or: four ways the Hard Master didn't survive, and one way he did from a certain point of view . Rated T for a little bit of swearing and death. By Jokers
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,080 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 6/20/2011 - Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes - Complete