Author has written 3 stories for Misc. Books, Victorious, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
Um hey before I tell you all the stuff that profiles normally have (idk i make this up as I go along) I must warn you to WATCH OUT FOR SPANISH FLYING CATS EATING YOUR LEFT SHOE!!!
Name: Stalker much?
Age: 13, but are you sure your not a stalker?
movie: Anything Disney
Book: Percy jackson or last dragon chronicals
Game:Spyro, kingdom hearts
Colour: Teal, purple and black
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
On a can of Manwich
On Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children (um no comment...)
Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required
Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire
Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping (Yummmmmm!)
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo
I can resist anything but temptation.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
Silent is golden but duck tape is silver
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying their products?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
15. The day you don't wash your hair is the day you meet a cute boy.
Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!
When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes.
Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous
Keep on talking and maybe one day you'll say something intelligent.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. I would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
Love your enemies! It really pisses them off!
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!
You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope for the best!
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me...
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!
When nothing goes right... go left.
Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.
Be yourself because there is no one like you
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his or her shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say, "That was fun!
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by; it’s trying to run me over.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
Don’t follow me I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do, kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
“When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade”
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of guy who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
I don’t obsess! I think intensely.
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”
“I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.”
“What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.”
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death, which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
╔╗╔═╦╗ Put this in your profile
¸.•´¸•´¨) ¸.•¨) ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•¨)
PLEASE READ. If this doesn't touch you... you have no heart!!!!!!
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't
forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for
the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that
mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister
is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
If you willingly refer to yourself as a nerd, dork, or loser; copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question then knew the answer right after you asked, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations, and copy and paste this to your profile.
If you take great pride in being strange, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you can think of a song in relation to almost anything, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you smack books when the charecters are being annoying, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom
1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore
2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know
3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.
5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'
6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...
7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
A good friend knows a few things about you.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel.
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you.
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
A good friend helps you up when you fall.
A good friend helps you find your prince.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
A good friend will offer you a soda.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain.
A good friend will help you move.
A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A good friend has never seen you cry.
A good friend asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "Dang, we screwed up"
FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Lose your stuff and tell you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Are forever
If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, is it misspelled?
And if it is misspelled, how would we know?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, Why do you call it 'dialing'?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
If "poli" means many, and "tics" mean bloodsucking creatures, then what does "politics" mean?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why on Earth, with over 3/4 of our planet covered by water, don't we call it 'ocean'?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people? Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while delivering the mail?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Why is it that when transporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If two wrongs don't make a right, then how come two negatives make a positive?
How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If you set to work with a knife that will cut through anything and Tupperware that's guaranteed not to break, what happens?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
How did a fool and his money get together?
How do they get deer to cross at the yellow sign?
Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
When an elevator is overloaded with passengers who is criminally responsible?
If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious?
If you are in a vehicle going the speed of light, what would happen if you turned on your headlights?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic?
Could it be that all those people dressed up, wearing sheets, aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If someone with multiple personalities robs a bank who is charged with the crime?
If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
Why do scientists call it research when they are looking for something new?
Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?
Why do they call it rush hour when nobody moves?
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar but when a jar is open isn't not adoor?
Why is it we call people liars, but we never call anyone truthers?
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Why is it, when we talk to God, we're praying, but when he talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Does a helium filled balloon float if you put it in outer space?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but duck when you throw a revolver at him?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't alright, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you idiot!'?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score? --Vince Lombardi
Why are they called apartments when they're all together?*
Why is there braille on the ATM drive-thru?*
I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
It's funny- the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to be quiet.
Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness doesn't know where to shop.
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
When I grow up, I want to be an acupuncture therapist. That way I'll have a degree in poking people
YOUR GUY SIDE
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE
You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
This is my song read and enjoy...
I WAS BORN IN MIAMI
AND I DIED IN A TREE
WHEN I WAS ONLY
SEVEN YEARS OLD
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