"People who don't know me think I'm quiet, people who know me wish I was."
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dummy?"
FRIENDS: will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Hide you from the cops
BEST FRIENDS: Are probably the reason they're after you in the first place
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say, "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"
FRIENDS: Will help you find your way when you're lost.
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with your compass, stealing your map and giving you bad directions.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Already have the shovel to bury the body of the person that made you cry.
FRIENDS: Tell you to forget it when you say you want to vandalize a guy's house
BEST FRIENDS: Best friends are the ones getting fined by the police with you
FRIENDS: Are shy around your boyfriend.
BEST FRIENDS: Will tease him till he blushes redder than a fire engine.
FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and say "Nice to meet you."
BEST FRIENDS: Meet your boyfriend and scare the Hell out of him by threatening to break every bone in his body if he hurts you.
FRIENDS: Will not try anything that will embarrass you while near your crush.
BEST FRIENDS: Will cackle evilly and try to push you 'by accident' into him while standing next to him.
FRIENDS:Would ignore this letter
A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who do know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
-1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.
-Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
-I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
-The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
- "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
-If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
-How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
-Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
-Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
-I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
-You're never too old to learn something stupid.
-"Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES."
-"I went to the darkside, they lied about the cookies..."
-"Welcome to the dark side, why are you so surprised that we lied about the cookies?"
-"Ran with scissors, and lived!"
-"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone."
-"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?"
-"You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips"
-"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."
-"I'm not afraid of death i'm afraid of something much worse... my mother."
-Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars.
-There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. :D
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Never Argue With A Woman'
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?''
"Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!
Raise your fists and fight the Millenium Earl!!
Grab your weapons and face him off
Join Allen to save the world!
Sit back and pown them all using Alchemy!(XD)
Isn't it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a a mini with a t-shirt that barely covers anything? Isn't it funny that you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful? Isn't it funny that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone
Are you laughing?
Isn't it funny an emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity? Isn't it funny that you dont mind your friends drinking, smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?
I'm not laughing
Its so funny that you and your friends can make a girls life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting. Isn't it funny that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart.
Keep on laughing
Isn't it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this persons life
without knowing her situation with her friends
or her family
or her LIFE
BRAVE ISN'T GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING
Keep on laughing
"You don't want to get me angry. I'm running out of places to keep the bodys."
"If we quit voting, will they all go away?"
"That which does not kill you... will probably try again."
"There are some things that can't be helped, I'm one of those things."
"Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
"She's my Best Friend, you break her heart, I'll break your face."
"Few woman admit thier age. Few men act theirs."
"God made us best friends cause he knew are moms couldn't handle us being sisters."
I don't care if you're gay or straight, everybody needs love.
Stupid cancer...some of us want a house...a new car...a new mobile home...To lose weight...But someone battling cancer just wants one things, to win the battle. 97% of you won't repost this. But 3% of you will. Let's see who will. Please post this in your profile in honor of someone who lost their battle or for someone who is currently fighting it.
While I may not respect your opinion, I, being half your size, will wisely keep that to myself.
"Six inches to the right and she'd still be here." "Six inches to the right and Lincoln would've seen the end of the play." - Law and Order
Famous last words:
"No, these windows are okay to lean on."
"I can pass this guy."
"My brakes are fine."
"Nah, I don't think we need to go to the hospital."
"It's a dud! It's a dud! It's a du--"
"So, you're a cannibal."
"Pull the pin and count to what?"
"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"
"I wonder where the mother bear is."
"These are the good kind of mushrooms."
"What does this button do?"
"Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?"
"Don't worry, it can hold the both of us."
“Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.” -Greg House (House MD)
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
-If you can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If you can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If you can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.
If you can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick and the dead.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
"Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice."-Bethany Hamilton
"...To me, 'FEARLESS' is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS means having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshman year of highschool at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting up and fighting for what you want, over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday, things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say 'you're NOT sorry' and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. Allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being all right...that's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily-ever-after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS." -Taylor Alison Swift, Songwriter & Singer.
The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.
What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?
It's funny--the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting people to shut up.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
If you want to look young and thin, hang around with old fat people.
If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?
Sarcasm doesn't work on a sarcastic person.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. . . if well-aimed.
One way to find out if something works: push all the buttons.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Friends come and go while enemies never do; they just multiply.
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
Be insane- well behaved people never made history.
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!
They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.
The 50-50-90 rule: any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
From a guys point of view:
We don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood i am in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the
need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. Or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'. I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand i am not saying i wouldn't like it either.
Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE.> DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...and say 'i love you' ...AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!
Give the nice guys a chance
> Holding Hands- > Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times. > Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
> Cuddling- > Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold. > Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
> Movies- > Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder > Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
> Loving each other- > Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
> Laying below the stars- > Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat > Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush...
> guys: no grabbing!!
> Guys repost this if you agree.
> Girls repost this if you think it's cute.
> Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the> girls that read this will repost this .
> Now copy and repost this;
> repost as: Guy's point of view
I went to a party, Mom
I felt proud of myself,
I made a healthy choice,
I got into my car,
Now Im lying on the pavement,
My own bloods all around me,
Im sure the guy had no idea,
So why do people do it, Mom
Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Someone should have taught him,
My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I wish that you could hold me Mom,
Deck of Cards
It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard.
The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.
As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?'
The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.'
The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards.'
The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,
I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.'
The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?'
'You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John .
The Five is for the five virgins, there were ten, but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.
So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.'
Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for US.
Prayer for the Military.
Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on...
Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Bless them and their families.
I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world.
There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful.
Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.
Do not stop the wheel, please -- just send this on.
Mary had a little Lamb, His fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, that Lamb was sure to go. He followed her to school each day, t'wasn't even in the rule. It made the children laugh and play, to have a Lamb at school. And then the rules all changed one day, illegal it became; To bring the Lamb of God to school, or even speak His name! Every day got worse and worse, and days turned into years. Instead of hearing children laugh, we heard gunshots and tears. What must we do to stop the crime that's in our schools today? Let's let the Lamb come back to school, and teach our kids to pray.
Now I sit me down is school
Yeah, I know there are plenty fish in the sea. So could you please stay away from my fish?
When you really love someone, age, distance, height, and weight, are just numbers.
“You really love him, don’t you?” A psychological question, no name was mentioned, but suddenly, someone came into your mind.
A rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak, it doesn’t make sense.
This One's For the Girls.
BE YOU (tiful)
I'm an original, not a copy. I'm the girl who is shy, but nice. The one who had braces for 2 years & 2 months and everyone now compliments on my smile. I'm the girl who people say is "so pretty" and "beautiful" yet I don't believe it. I'm the girl who's not a honors student, but gets good grades (except in math) I'm the girl who has a big heart and big dreams. The one who's never ashamed to say that she is a Christian. The girl who loves to read, write, and sing. I'm the girl who you'd say is really nice, but shy at first. I'm the hopeless romantic. I'm the girl who dated my best guy friend for over a year (who was my first boyfriend), then he broke up with me, but we're still best friends. I'm the girl who is still in love with him and still hope that one day we'll get back together. I'm the girl who tries her best to get along with everyone. I'm not the popular girl. I guess I'm not a loser, although I wouldn't mind that. I'm the girl who is a floater when it comes to friends, I hate cliques. I'm not the girl who's a materialistic airhead. I'm the girl that people can't categorize, not even myself; my style and personality can't be limited to stereotypes. I'm the girl who feels like she doesn't fit in. I'm the girl who thinks she's a complete dork, but I don't mind that. I'm the girl whose favorite subjects are history and english. I'm the girl who is comfortable with who she is, but am picky with who I'm close to. I'm just me. I'm not a supermodel or Marilyn Monroe. I'm just me. And if you have a problem with that, please tell me and we'll talk.
I'm sick of backstabbing girls who say that they're your friends. I'm tired of people who talk bad about me behind my back, but in reality, they're just as bad. I'm tired of girls who seem to think that makeup defines our entire lives. I'm tired of my so-called best friend always going behind my back, putting everyone down, and just being an all around "five-minute girl" that no one wants to be around. I'm sick and tired of the boys that fall for these crazy, dumb, FAKE girls that are so fake that Barbie herself is jealous. I'm sick and tired of all of it- xXxDaughteroftheKingxXx (I don't own this, but it does apply to me.)
"A heart is not a play thing,
a heart is not a toy,
but if you want it broken,
Just give it to a boy.
Boys, they like to play with things
To see what makes them run,
But when it comes to kissing,
They do it just for fun.
Boys never give their hearts away
They play us girls for fools,
They wait until we give our hearts
And then they play it cool.
You will wonder where he is a night
You will wonder if hes true,
One moment you will be happy,
One moment you will be blue.
If you get a chance to see him
Your heart begins to dance
Your life revolves around him,
Theres nothing like romance.
And then it starts to happen,
You worry day and night
You see, my friend, you're losing him
It never turns out right.
Boys are great, though immature
The price you pay is high,
He may seem sweet and gorgeous
But remember, he's a guy.
Don't fall in love with just a boy
That takes alot of nerve.
You see, my friend, you need a man
To get what you deserve.
So when you think that you're in love,
Be careful if you can
Before you give your heart away
Make sure that he's a man."
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books.I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.' I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him.
So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.'
He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'
There was a big smile on his face.It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!' He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey, big guy, you'll be great!' He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. 'Thanks,' he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began, 'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach... but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.' I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. 'Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.' I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.
You now have two choices, you can :1) Put this on your profile or 2) Forget you read this and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1.
There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift.
(I dunno who wrote this... but it's sweet.)
"Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL,
Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART,
Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG,
Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY,
Calling me POOR won't make you RICH,
Calling me FAT wont make you THIN,
Calling me UNCOOL wont make you COOL,
So why bother?"
"Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real."
"How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’" - Unknown
"Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong" - Unknown
"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room." - Unknown
"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button." - Sam Levenson
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments." - Earl Wilson
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." - Albert Einstein
"I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." - Isaac Asimov
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson
"I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble." - Unknown
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back." - Oscar Wilde
"Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were." - Unknown
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." - Ashleigh Brilliant
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often." - Unknown
"When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty." - Norm Crosby
"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." - George Jessel
"America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight." - Unknown
"If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?" - Jerry Seinfeld
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election." - Bill Vaughan
"To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential." - Unknown
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something." - Jackie Mason
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." - Oprah Winfrey
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." - Christopher Marlowe
"Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Franklin P. Jones
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason." - Jerry Seinfeld
"It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?" - Ronald Reagan
"A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." - Fred Allen
"They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck." - Unknown
"I hope that after I die, people will say of me: ‘That guy sure owed me a lot of money.’" - Jack Handy
"Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words." - Unknown
"The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth." - Unknown
"At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." - Ann Landers
"If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it." - Unknown
"Make yourself at home… clean my kitchen." - Unknown
Why does someone say no offence when they are about to offend you.
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass." - Dragon Of Twilight
"Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."
"Stupidity got us into this, why can't it get us out?"
Even when you cant see Him, God is there. If you believe in God put this in your profile.
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
I only have two rules for my newly born daughter: she will dress well and never have sex.
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to
Don't take life seriously. You're not getting out alive anyway.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardest battle you're gonna ever fight is the battle to just be you.
-Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake
-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
-The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
-"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
-I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
-They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
-Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
-A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
-Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
I'm that girl
The one that likes books more than boys.
The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy
The one who always wonders what she did wrong
The one who writes to escape
The one who just wants to help
The one that really wants to make a difference
The one that sticks to her values
The one that refuses to believe that this is it
The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow
The one who won't give in
The one won't give up
-by linguisticsrock, Copy and Paste if you can relate to this.
WE’RE NOT RETREATING!!! We’re attacking in the other direction!
What is this… normal that you speak of?
Hey, wanna sign my Deathnote? .
The surest sign intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"
Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.
Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.
My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them.
Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.
I don’t have a license to kill. I have learners permit!
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".
Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!
My mom told me if I have nothing nice to say than don’t say it, my day was very quiet.
If You think Im weird… Meet my family. =D
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can’t trick you.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
-If you really want something, you won't let 'impossible' get in your way.
-'Impossible' is just another way of saying 'I'm too lazy.'
-Warning: Trespassers will be shot.
-"No, I won't go to hell! I've got a restraining order."
-"Some people learn when they're taught, and a few learn by observation. And then there are people like me who actually have to touch the electric fence for themselves."
-It's not denial. I'm just selective about the realities I accept.
Life isn't measured by the amount of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
I am the Girl...
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird, who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words, who believes in her dreams, and knows the importance of the little things.
"Those who don’t learn from history are those who are doomed to repeat it." - Teen Titans
Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...I wonder...
He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I will love you until the last rose dies."
You call me crazy like it’s the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say, "So?"
If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
When your bored and want something to do, open your text book and start writing, "Terrorist attack at 3:00 AM" on all the pages, then give it to a cop. When he asks who wrote this, say your teachers name and take him to the school.
Yeah, I'm crazy, it runs in the family, what's your excuse?
My doctor asked if any members of my family suffered from insanity, I replied, no, we all seem to enjoy it
Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!
Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly
Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."
(On a T-Shirt) Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?
My friend text-ed me asking "what does 'idk' mean?" so I said "I don't know" and she said "omg! NO one knows!"
A positive attitude won't solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
If someone says: "That's impossible,"
It’s funny—when people call you "shy," they usually smile. Like it’s cute, some funny little habit you’ll grow out of when you’re older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew how it felt—really being shy, not just unsure at first—they wouldn’t smile. Not if they knew how the feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that makes sense. It’s not cute at all.
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?
I apologize, do you want me to mean it too?
Fake is the new trend. I guess everyone’s in style.
I'm the person your mother warned you about. xD
-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.
-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a looser at the same time.
-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me.
You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.
Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.
Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow
To put it nicely, I hope you choke.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
Would you like a cookie? So would I.
Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Does. Not. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Just. Makes. Your. Computer. Look. Like. It. Has. Asthma.
-If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, tripping and screaming, then yes Mr. Brave Man, I guess im a coward.
"Big brothers... you know why they're born first? To protect the little ones that come after them!! What kind of brother says that he'll KILL his own sister?! Even a MONSTER shouldn't say that!" Ichigo Kurosaki to Sora Inoue (Acidwire) -- Bleach
People come to this site to learn how to write. No one atomatically knows how to, professionals can tell you that much. This site is for people to get together and have fun. No one wants a flame but most can turn their cheek as long as if it has contructive criticism. But as this site grows more popular more people join this site for the wrong reasons. Thus the new and blossoming writers are a target for their foul mouths. Many new writers do not understand the concept of a flame and discontinue thier story. They never had they chance to blossom and become beautiful writers, instead they give up because someone decided to call them a foul name and didn't even bother to tell the author what was wrong with the story in the first place. I telling you this because I feel that this should come to stop. These people honestly believe that they're doing good by flaming. What they don't realize is that it's doing more harm than good. If they really wish for people to become better writers than they should be straight with them in a mature manner. No flaming, just telling the author politely what's wrong with the story. Feel free post this on your profile if you agree
How important does a person have to be before a person is considered assassinated instead of murdered?
Sarcasm is my native language.
The Top 100 Things I'd Do
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
"Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl
They don't know that we know they know we know.
I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Common sense is not so common.
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you’ve been good this year… he died laughing."
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Dragon Ball Pact: "This pact is meant to hold together the remaining fans of Dragon Ball/Z/GT. Whether you like the FUNimation dub or the Ocean dub, whether you like the manga or the anime, whether you say 'Saiyan' or 'Saiyajin', we must stand strong and united, for we are the last of our dying race. And all those who are true fans, post this up on your page, forever proclaiming your Dragon Ball heritage. Be proud, for you are a true Saiyan!"
I promise to remember Percy
"It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing."
"The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp."
Cinderella walked on broken glass. Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle fell in love with a hideous beast. Jasmine married a common thief. Ariel walked on land for love and life. Snow white barely escaped a knife. It was all about blood, sweat, and tears, Because love means facing your biggest fears.
If you've read this ENTIRE profile and wasted about ten minutes reading what took me hours to put together, copy and paste this into your profile.
A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut. No-one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No-one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No-one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Repost this if you're against bullying and stereotyping. 95% of you won't.
If you hate Edward Cullen and want to blast him to the other side of the gate so Edward Elric can kick his sparkly butt, copy and paste this.
If you know what the heck the last copy and paste was about, copy and paste this. xD\
That was the thing about Fate. All it did was set the path before you. It left you the free will to decide whether or not to walk it. In the end there was no one to blame but yourself, and no more crueler fate than the freedom to be responsible for every choice you make - Rose Zemlya, Reconciliation (EPIC Legend of Zelda fanfic!)
IF they had given Danny Phantom half the attention or money they give to the mutant retarded sponge, DP would be the top rated show. If you completely hate Nick for ending production on Danny Phantom, copy and paste this into your profile.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
It's the quiet ones you have to watch; they're the ones that grow up and become assassins... and then hunt you down. – profile of, Disgruntled Minion
'If you can't convince them, confuse them.'- Harry S. Truman
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." --Sign shown in a non-smoking zone
"In ancient times, cats were worshiped as gods. They have not forgotten this."
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off."
If at first you don't succeed - cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!
"Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it."
This is a true story. All schools have a class clown, someone that gets on everyone's nerves and that no one likes. There was one of these boys in this one school. Nobody liked him at all. He had no friends, the teachers hated him for his disruptiveness, and the students found him annoying beyond belief. He never seemed to care. One day, he had finally stepped on his teachers last nerve. What the teacher did was make everyone in the class stand up and tell the boy something they didn't like about him. As each of the thirty students stood up and said something about him they didn't like, he only sat and didn't seem to mind. All of the students did it.
That day, when school was out, the boy went home, grabbed his dads gun, and shot himself in the head.
If you think that the teacher was to blame, and that what she did was morally wrong and completely shameful, copy and paste this into your profile. Then, if you would have been the one to stand up and say "I'm not going to do this" then add your username to the list. Antire5, EmoWolves of Shadow, Killercat-nya, BookHippie, A Child Of Ares,
"My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you all at the same time."
"You know you're crazy when you know the Men in white by name
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Why do we ((sleep)) in church, But stay ((awake)) through a 2 hour movie? Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about God, but so ((easy)) to Gossip? Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a Christian magazine, but find it ((easy)) to read Playboy? Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a Godly Facebook Wall Post, Yet we ((repost)) the nasty ones? Why are ((churches)) getting smaller, But ((bars and clubs)) are growing? Think about it, are you going to repost this? Are you going to ignore it, cause you think you'll get laughed at? Would You Have Read This if it Said... Read This In Gods Name.
I'm the kind of girl who gets straight A’s in every subject, but still can't operate a fan by use of a simple knob.
I'm the kind of girl who laughs at... nothing.
I'm the kind of girl who gets on the bad side of a teacher by correcting their grammar.
I'm the kind of girl who looks at Twilight and laughs at the cheesiness.
I'm the kind of girl who has a picture of Joe Jonas pasted to my dart board. DIE YOU STUPID JONAS BROTHER!
I'm the kind of girl who walks into the Mental Hospital and greets the receptionist by name.
I'm the kind of girl who is willing to drop-kick Twilight books out of my apartment window.
I'm the kind of girl who can hold a conversation with you for fifteen minutes and then ask, "What was your name again?"
I'm the kind of girl who reads rather than watching television.
I'm the kind of girl who is considered weird.
I'm the kind of girl who would've let Stupid Edward commit suicide.
I'm the kind of girl who thinks that Stephenie Meyer and all of her little vampires should be charged with first degree murder for the death of good literature.
I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care what you think.
I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care if you care what I think because I don't care what you think, so you needn't care what I think and I don't care.
I'm the kind of girl who plots against fictional characters.
I'm the kind of girl who would scream "Boo!" at a football game and then ask what the bad call was.
I'm the kind of girl who believes in equal rights, and doesn't care if I sound cheesy.
I'm the kind of girl who wishes there was a law against stupidity.
I'm the kind of girl who finds what's lost where I already looked.
But I'm also the kind of girl who is
So maybe being this kind of girl isn't so bad after all.
The cops never find it as funny as you do.
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
That boy you punched in the hall today? Commited suicide a few minutes ago. That girl you called a slut today? She's a virgin. The boy you called lame? He has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the stairs the other day? She's already being abused at home. That girl you called fat? She's starving herself. The old man you made fun of cause of his ugly scars? He fought for our country. The boy you made fun of for crying? His mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don't!
Repost if you are against bullying. I bet 99% of you won't, but repost this if you are the 1% with a heart.
When a doctor says: this won't hurt...It will
When a doctor says: This may hurt... It will... alot
When a doctor says: This will hurt... Brace for the pain
When a doctor says: In the long run this will help you... Start SCREAMING NOW!!
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this on your profile. He'll see it.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Hi, my job is to annoy you.
Don't ever frown. You never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual. FEAR ME!
The voices assure me that I'm normal.
If you're a Demigod copy this into your profile and sign your name
xXthe shadow huntressxX
The New Ace of Spies
erza scarlet the titania
A Child Of Ares
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
-When I said 'death' before 'dishonor', I meant alphabetically.
If you aren't scared to wear more than one black garment of clothing at a time, copy and paste this into you're profile.
If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.
I went to an insane asylum to talk who led the building. I ask him, "How do you know if someone is insane?" "Well," he replies, "we fill a bathtub with water and offer them a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket; they have to empty the bathtub quickly." "Oh," I say, "so they will take the bucket because it is the biggest and holds the most water." He looks at me, "No. A normal person would pull the plug. Now, would you like a room with a bed near the window or by the door?"
Kane Chronicles Pledge:
I promise to remember Carter When I travel far away
I promise to remember Sadie When I have something sarcastic to say
I promise to remember Desjardins When someone doesn't fight fair
I promise to remember Amos When someone has beads in their hair
I promise to remember Iskandar When I see someone very old
I promise to remember Bast When I see cat's eyes that are gold
I promise to remember Horus When I see a beautiful bird
I promise to remember Isis Whenever strange voices are heard
I promise to remember Set When someone is clever and sly
When a cute boy catches my eye I promise to remember Zia
When I see someone working magic I promise to remember Julius Kane
When someone's life is tragic I promise to remember Ruby Kane
When someone I love is gone And whenever I read The Red Pyramid I'll always remember this pledge.
"It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up."
I believe thirteen is a lucky number.
I believe we all talk to ourselves out of lonliness.
I believe we all find an obsessive character that our heart desires most.
I believe everyone is unique, some just try to hide it.
I believe that the whole world is brainwashed by Society.
I believe that I have no idea why everyone likes waffles so much.
I believe everyone has a soul mate; some people just have more than one: which makes everything a bit more complicated.
I believe the Internet is the most amazing thing ever created by the horrid thing called science.
I believe you have a secret.
I believe you just thought of that secret.
I believe girls are stronger than boys.
I also believe that having a kid is not the reason for my existence.
I believe that I HATE all sexist, and racist people, although everyone is, as they are brainwashed by Society.
I believe no one knows what happens after death, and the only reason old people are so invested into "religion" is because they are in fear of what happens after we die.
I believe that Nerds will one day rule the world, so we better be nicer to them.
I believer Stereotypes are for the hypocrites.
That's no coincidence that most of our problems start with MEN.
The cactus thrives in the desert while the fern thrives in the wetland.
The fool will try to plant them in the same flowerbox.
The florist will sigh and add a wall divider and proper soil to both sides.
The grandparent will move the flowerbox halfway out of the sun.
The child will turn it around properly so that the fern is in the shade, and not the cactus.
The moral of the story? Kids are smart.
"If you live a long life, it will be a testament to your friends' self-control."
"There's a fine line between courage and foolishness. Too bad it's not a fence."
"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a flat tire."
"Hard times are behind you. Impossible ones lie just ahead."
"I'm not weird. I'm limited edition."
"There are two kinds of people in this world: you and everyone else."
"Everyone seems normal until you get to know them."
"I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life."
"You are so fake, Barbie is jealous."
"Why are you asking for a Barbie, if you are not a Ken?"
"Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out."
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Her hair was up in a ponytail, her favorite dress tied with a bow,
Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home,
Why the kids not might understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid, she knew just what to say,
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone,
And that was why, once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all,
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddy's along the wall in back for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called, a student from the class,
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare,
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't their.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one." another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom,
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, she slowly began to speak,
And out of the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
"My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away,
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know,
All about my daddy, and how he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike,
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone,
And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone.
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart,
I know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart."with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest,
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.
And somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears,
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life,
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd,
She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star,
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year,
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Canadians to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away,"
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise,
A room full of daddy's and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside,
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him by her side.
"I know your with my daddy,"to the silence she called out,
And what happened next, made believers out of those once filled with doubt.
Not one of them could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed,
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant, long-stemmed, pink rose.
And a child was blessed for only a moment, by the love of her shining star,
And given the gift of believing that heaven is never to far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them.
Stop the Pairing Wars!
By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.
You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.
You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.
You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.
You shalt paste this in your profile.
- "Latte" is italian for "you paid too much for that coffee"
- I trust you've thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
- We'll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?
- I've heard that it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.
- Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried skydiving without a parachute... Or maybe they did. I mean we never really met whoever said it, did we?
- How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
- If superman is bulletproof, why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?
- You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you
- Will there be boys there? No mom, its a nun club.
Love Is Love: GuyGirl = GuyGuy = GirlGirl
3 Good Ways to Solve a Love Triangle:
I don't care if you're a gangsta, pull up your pants please!
Dance like nobody's watching,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you're never been hurt,
Laugh like everything's funny and,
Live like there's no tomorrow.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
- - Frank Outlaw
"If power is Justice, then is weakness a crime?" - Zero/Lelouch (Code Geass)
"If the King does not lead, how can he expect his Pawns to follow?" - Zero/Lelouch (Code Geass)
"Screw the Angels and the Demons and their crap apocalypse. If they want to fight a war, they can find their own planet. We take'em all on. We kill the Devil, Hell, even Michael if we have to." "How?" "I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a 'Give'em Hell attitude' and i'll figure it out." Dean (Supernatural)
“It is simple: there is good and there is evil. There are those who commit crimes – and those who try and stop them. Both sides are opposites, as different as day and night, and the line between them is clear. Or at least, it’s supposed to be…” - Robin (Teen Titans)
"Have you ever played chess? Sometimes a well placed pawn is better than a king." - (Castle)
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