Country: United States
I am searching for myself. Every moment of everyday, I keep looking for for who I am and my purpose. I wish someone would show me but I have come to realize no one can. It is a struggle I must endure alone.
Why do I write? What purpose do marks on a paper have?
Why do I write when my jumbled thoughts fail come together?
Why do I write when my mind fogs and I just stare at my computer screen?
I write because I want to; because a part of me needs to.
I might go weeks or even months without writing anything, but I will always return.
It might not progress very far but I have to anyways.
I might not be the type that lives and breaths writing but it is apart of who I am.
I wish I was that person. I wish I spent my days writing. I wish I could bring the thoughts in my head to life.
I want to be better. I want to be so much better.
How do I improve? What am I supposed to do?
How do I keep keep going when I get discouraged?
How do I hold faith in that it is worth the effort?
I want it.
I need it.
That is all the reason necessary.
When I begin to doubt, I must remember that.
It is possible because...I want it.
I also want to draw. I want to bring these stories in my head to life. I want to see them move before my eyes, but I struggle with it as I do with writing. Something in my head is holding game back and time after time I am devastated by my inability to do what I crave so strongly. Writing and drawing are the things I want to make my life and my purpose. One moment I believe it is within my grasp, another I wallow in the thought that it will never happen. Who really knows? Life is too complex for a simple yes or no. Maybe it will, or maybe won't. The least I can say is I want it. There will be another day when I allow my self doubt convince me that the is no chance so I'll leave this here as a reminder. I want it. I want it. I want it. I REALLY want it. Let that give me courage and hope.
Hey, S? Remember that thing you really wanted?
Are you willing to let it go?
Can you let go?
It's okay. You'll get through it, just give it time no matter if you think there is no time to waste. You can't force it. It might really hurt, but the pain won't go away if you just give up. Imagine the relief when it's finally over.
Remember, you want it.
I miss being a kid. No work, or other major responsibilities (though I don't miss school in the least). It's fun to be a kid. It's fun to let your imagination free. We should let ourselves run free from time to time.
Let that inner child come out. (Let's just not get immature; things get crazy and no one likes a bratty kid ;p)