Poll: What kind of story should I write? Vote Now!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
Things I am not to do at Hogwarts
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
50) I will not attack my fellow classmates
51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area
Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when it’s your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit in the front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing, "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!” jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by them self.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.
Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in, shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting, "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cell phone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the ending.
Fun Things To Do In A Lift
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
2) STAND silent and motionless in the
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
12) TRY to make personal calls on the
13) DRAW a little square on the floor
14) WHEN there's only one other person
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
16) ASK if you can push the button for
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
You know you live in 2010 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or myspace or Facebook.
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job...
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
This is hilarious:
A handy guide for men:D
What the heck does PMS stand for????
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4 Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect
5 DEADLY WORDS USED BY WOMAN
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
Now read every third word.
Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom
1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore
2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know
3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.
5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'
6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...
7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
14 things to do in K-mart.
1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals
2.Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3.Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4.Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5.Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area
6.Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7.When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8.Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9.Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
10.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
11.When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
12.Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
13.Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
14. Stage a conversation with your shadow then when you walk through a shady area, scream that your friend is missing.
I didn't slap you! I hi-fived your face!
My door is always open, so feel free to leave
Second place is the first loser
There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I swear to drunk I'm not god
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore, I'm perfect!
A balanced diet is a piece of chocolate in each hand
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman
We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid
When life gives you lemons, squirt it in the eyes of your enemies.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
DO NOT HIT KIDS!! No, seriously. They have guns now.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If you think that Harry Potter is way better than Twilight, then copy and paste this into your profile.
“GOD created the world; everything else is made in china.”
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and watch the world wonder how you did it
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies. X
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/chapstick.X
ok so I'm a bit more guy than I am girl
Put an X that is if your like/have that
North Italy (Feliciano Vargas)
( ) You were bullied a lot in your childhood
(7/10) for North Italy
South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas)
( ) You love tomatoes
(3/10) for South Italy
( ) You're very stoic and serious
(3/10) for Germany
Japan (Kiku Honda)
( X) You're very mature
The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones)
(X) You love hamburgers
(4/10) for America
The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)
(X) You like tea
(8/10) for UK
France (Francis Bonnefoy)
(X ) You're very *erm* affectionate
(7/10) for France
Russia (Ivan Braginski)
( ) You had a very sad childhood.
(1/10) for Russia
China (Wong Yao)
(X) You're very mature
(5/10) for China
Austria (Roderich Edelstein)
(X) You are very well-raised
(5/10) for Austria
Canada (Matthew Williams)
(X) You're often ignored by people
(8/10) for Canada
( ) You smoke
(3/10) for Cuba
Hungary (Elizebeta Hédeváry)
( ) You have a potty-mouth
(7/10) for Hungary
Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt)
( ) You're quite mean-spirited
(5/10) for Prussia
So I am a lot of things really... >:)
How much am I worth?
Natural Hair Color:
Total so far: $200
Total so far: $200
Total so far: $300
Total so far: $620
[ ] I did like once - $400
Total so far: $1,220
Total so far: $1,620
Total so far: $1,670
Favorite Colors (multiple):
Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
Grand total: $6,020! Woah that's WAYYY more than I expected. :D