spankthemonkey4U
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Joined 05-29-11, id: 2945329, Profile Updated: 07-08-11

Presenting: Spanking the Monkey!

Hosted by: Roselover24 (Sue) From SYTYCW
Co-hosts: BellaFlan and Magnolia822
Judges: SnowWhiteHeart, DiamondHeart78, Kassiah, Daniel Gale, Goldenmeadow and Violhaine

What is spanking the monkey? It’s wank! That’s right: your prompt is simply wank. Why? Because we are pervs.

So...

Whether Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Jacob or Carlisle is
spanking the monkey, choking the chicken, charming the snake, flogging the bishop, holding the sausage hostage, Jerkin the gerkin, polishing the family jewels, thinking of your mom, polishing the pole...

Or...

Bella, Alice, Rosalie or Esme is
saucing the taco, rubbing the nub, feeding the bearded clam, flickin’ the bean, Thinkin of your mom, feeding the meter, rubbing the muff, Being Houdini and making three fingers disappear...

Just give us your best, smut-filled masturbation scene. We do not care who is doing it or why, we just just wanna see the sexin' of the alone variety. You may include voyeurism, BDSM, lemons, cheese play or whatever floats your boat, so long as there is a graphic wank scene (see contest limitations).

Rules

Length: nine inches. Oh, wait, we mean 1k to 5k words (This isn’t War and Peace).
Genre: Angst! Just kidding. Actually, go for it. We double dog dare you. Any genre is cool
Rating: M only! Readers, judges and participants are all over 18.
Pairing: Any, but see content limitations. Also, there must be wankage. Lots of graphic wankage.OR self loving of the female variety if the female does not have something to wank
Content Limitations: NO incest, bestiality, rape, RPF (we find it just as offensive as the other limitations) or pedophilia. Offending submissions will be disqualified upon receipt.
Number of Entries: 1 single entry per author plus 1 collaboration
Outtakes: Yes, they are permitted. BUT the story should stand on its own as a separate O/s. In other words, readers should be able to read, know everything they need to know, and not have to refer to the original fic.
Continuations: omg who’s really gonna continue a one-shot wank story... I mean, 70 chapters of wanking? Seriously? Do you have severe emotional problems?

All submissions will be validated upon receipt for adherence to rules and a base level of quality.
The use of a beta is highly suggested; no resubmits if a submission is rejected. Judges cannot participate, beta, or pre-read submissions.
Pimpage is allowed and encouraged, but should be kept to only that - promotion. No holding chapters for ransom, no bribery, no inappropriate involvement from your fellow authors (ie they can’t bribe their readers to vote for you). If we find out that you aren’t playing fair, we’ll disqualify.

Winners Chosen by
Public vote (1st place, 2nd place and 3rd place)
Judges’ Scores (judges will be awarding winners in five categories based on scores)

Prizes: Bragging rights and an awesome banner by catonspeed!

Important Dates

Closed for submissions!

Popular Voting from July 8 - July 21st

Winners announced on July 25th on Twitter, Twificnews, and wherever else we can find. If there are enough entries, we’ll podcast it live.

Submissions should include the following in the header...

Contest entry for Spanking the Monkey! For additional contest entries, please visit: www.fanfiction.net/~spankthemonkey4u

Title:

Name:

Pairing:

Rating:

Disclaimer:

Submit via linking submission in PM to us or by emailing us at: spankinthemonkey4U@gmail.com

Qualifying submissions will be added to the contest C2 and Favorites once validated.

Questions? Tweet one of the hosts, or PM or e-mail us at spankinthemonkey4U@gmail.com

Our C2 - Click to Visit and subscribe!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dealing With the Pressure by Layne Faire reviews
His secret yearnings for a classmate, fueled by locker room sneak peeks of exactly what's hiding underneath, force Jasper to take matters in his own hands. Getting caught by the object of his obsessions could suck, right? AU AH SLASHY GOODNESS
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,602 - Reviews: 149 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 168 - Updated: 4/13/2012 - Published: 6/17/2011 - Jasper, Edward
He Who Dares, Watches by Fr333bird reviews
It starts with a dare on the bus but Edward's reaction to Jasper shocks him and results in a journey of self-discovery. AH, high school fic. Explicit adult content - lots of it.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 91,130 - Reviews: 2030 - Favs: 958 - Follows: 563 - Updated: 12/19/2011 - Published: 6/17/2011 - Edward, Jasper - Complete
Closed Stacks Carrel by deJean Smith reviews
Spanking the Monkey contest entry. Bella Swan lives for Thursdays. It's her favorite day of the week because Dr. Edward Cullen always visits his closed stacks carrel on Thursdays-now continued!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,368 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 9/30/2011 - Published: 6/27/2011
Wanksicle by prettyflour reviews
An entry for SPANKING THE MONKEY CONTEST! A mind-reading prude, a human horny for popsicles and a irritated empath. A lesson in release. AU/parody/NO Slash.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,630 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 9/25/2011 - Published: 6/20/2011 - Edward, Bella
Feel For You by RosaBella75 reviews
Saunter back to a time when self-love was as taboo as sex outside of marriage. But what's a young woman to do when sexual urges become too strong to resist? Isn't self sex the safest sex? AH Collab w/ TwiliteAddict *Spank the Monkey Contest Entry*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,409 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 8/21/2011 - Published: 7/8/2011 - Complete
WANT by mostly a lurker reviews
He couldn't keep his eyes off them or his hands off himself. His want for them is only equal to theirs for each other. *SPANK THE MONKEY CONTEST WINNER HOTTEST WANK* Explicit adult content, unabashed PWP. Who's in your mind's eye?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,953 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 7/20/2011 - Published: 6/25/2011 - Complete
Jack, Jill and a Foosball Table by twilly reviews
Edward and Bella are best friends so they can't touch each other; but that doesn't mean they can't touch themselves. Things explode as they struggle though assembly instructions littered with nuts, rods and ball cups.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,751 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 7/16/2011 - Published: 6/22/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Emmett's Peep Show by JustineNicole6 reviews
*ENTRY FOR SPANKING THE MONKEY CONTEST* Question: What do you get when Emmett has a porno and a webcam? Answer: A spanking good time.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,504 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/13/2011 - Published: 6/29/2011 - Emmett - Complete
The Business Trip by RobzBeanie reviews
After spotting a hot guy in the hotel bar while on a business trip, Bella decides she needs a little "girl time." ** SPANK THE MONKEY CONTEST ENTRY **
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,176 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 7/11/2011 - Published: 7/4/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dream a Little Dream by CullensTwiMistress reviews
*Contest entry for Spanking the Monkey!* Was it real or did Edward dream it? You be the judge. AH; ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,773 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 7/11/2011 - Published: 6/30/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Faulty Knob by TG81 reviews
**TIED FOR BEST NON-CANON WANK!** Coach Cullen's office door just won't lock. My entry for the Spankthemonkey4u contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,142 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 7/1/2011 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
The New Fun by Lovelybrutal reviews
My entry for the Spanking The Monkey contest! Bella and Leah have a history. Then they have a sleepover. Then they have an orgasm. AH. Rated M for masturbating and marijuana.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,113 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 19 - Published: 7/7/2011 - Bella, Leah - Complete
From Pain to Pleasure by A.L. Rules reviews
My entry for the Spanking the Monkey contest! A missed dinner date, a lonely wife - when Edward has to work late again, Bella takes matters into her own hands, but is the pleasure enough to overcome the pain?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,159 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 17 - Published: 7/6/2011 - Bella, Edward
Needed Touch by mamdi reviews
Contest entry for Spanking the Monkey!: AU/AH ?/Mike Sometimes we feel empty. Sometimes we masturbate. Sometimes it isn't enough.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,618 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/3/2011
A Mother's Observations by buildmeapyramid reviews
.:Spanking the Monkey Contest entry:. I've known from the get-go that my son prefers men. But lately he's bein' sneaky, and I've been hearin' awful strange noises from his room at night. Should I be concerned? Slash, wankage, inappropriate ogling, etc.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,138 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/3/2011 - Jasper, Peter - Complete
Afternoon Delight by TheLyricalCutie reviews
In Bella's mind there is nothing wrong with a little afternoon delight
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,850 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 14 - Published: 7/1/2011 - Bella - Complete
When I Think About You I Touch Myself by krazi4TwiSaga reviews
27 yr old Bella, is an overnight manger at the Wal-Mart in Forks, having been away at school things have changed, little Edward Cullen, 17, has grown up and he s secretly crushing on B. Wonder where Edward s disappearing to at night. O/S Lemons AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,529 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 56 - Published: 6/27/2011 - Bella, Edward
Make Me Sweat by TheUnderStudy reviews
I was supposed to be giving her a workout, but thoughts of her thick body under mine were giving me some awesome solo sessions. - ENTRY FOR SPANKING THE MONKEY! CONTEST
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,439 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 49 - Published: 6/27/2011 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
Auburn Fantasy by R.M. Santogold reviews
On a lonely night Bella indulges in a fantasy centered around long fingers, emerald eyes, and auburn hair. *Spank the Monkey Contest Entry*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,028 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 15 - Published: 6/26/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bella's Pillow by bellaBBblack reviews
All it took was a kiss, a cool breeze and a firm pillow to help Bella make the most important decision of her life.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,852 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/26/2011 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
First Go's by rhythm junkie reviews
MY ENTRY FOR THE SPANKTHEMONKEY4U CONTEST! This is unashamed PWP. Also a very clear M rating.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,984 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/23/2011 - Rosalie - Complete
Midnight Sin by RottenLemonz reviews
O/S - *My entry for the Spank The Monkey Contest* If that doesn't tell you what you're about to read... This is my "What if" continuation of the leg hitch/bed scene from the Eclipse book - from Edward's POV as in Midnight Sun. Rated M for wankage.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,991 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 12 - Published: 6/22/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Intervention by vbfb1 reviews
Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett are sick of Edward's brooding; they decide a century of chastity is enough. It's time Edward learnt how to take matters into his own hands and they are going to make sure he knows how. Contest entry for Spanking the Monkey
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,165 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 10 - Published: 6/22/2011 - Edward
Learning to Let Go by Gingerandgreen reviews
An entry into the Spanking the Monkey! contest - Edward, Bella and friends are freshmen in college and learning about all the ups and downs and rounds and rounds that go with the territory.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,827 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 16 - Published: 6/19/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Angel by Beautiful Figment reviews
Jasper gets in touch with himself... and then with his roommate. Entry for the Spanking the Monkey Contest. AH/OOC/SLASH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,014 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 48 - Published: 6/11/2011 - Jasper, Edward - Complete