Author has written 13 stories for Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
If you’re here looking for an update, I want to let you know that for the foreseeable future, I will not be updating any story. When I started writing seriously in 2015, the very act of escaping into my imagination used to bring me joy. I used to look forward to spending time clacking away at the keyboard. Three years down the line, things have changed a lot. I no longer get joy out of writing. Every time I post or update something, all I think of is whether it will be well received; whether people will like it or not. I no longer write for myself, and it’s become an incredibly stressful process.
There isn’t a single day when I don’t check for reviews. I’m plagued with thoughts like, “Oh, I posted this two days back but I’ve only got five reviews. Does this mean I no longer write good stories? Do people not like me anymore?” The thing is, I shouldn’t be seeking validation from the outside. It shouldn’t matter to me whether other people like my work, what should matter is whether I like my own work, and guess what. I don’t.
Life has not been too kind to me, and the last time I remember being genuinely happy is when I was four. It’s ironic, because my parents were broke af then. Over the past seventeen years, battling abuse, emotional neglect and body image issues has taken a toll on my mental health. I found writing when my depression took a turn for the worse, and at the time, it helped me cope—it helped me cope marvellously. In retrospect, I realise that writing was nothing more than as escapism. Nevertheless, it helped me survive then.
The point is, it no longer helps me survive, and I need to find a new coping mechanism to continue plodding on. I’m trying to take just one day at a time, to see how life goes—it’s the only way to keep the suicidal impulses at bay. Writing does not fit into the grander scheme of trying to find contentment anymore; it’s no longer a tool for survival.
In order to dissociate myself from the writing-for-others process, I’ve signed up for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. It’s an experiment to try finding my love for writing, and I think it’s helping already. It’s given me clarity, and thus, that collection of one-shots, entitled Wander, will be the only one to see updates.
None of my other stories are abandoned. I’d like to believe that I’ll come back to them someday, when I’m doing better. I don’t want to give up on my stories, and I hope you won’t too.
I hope you understand. Thanks for reading this, and may the force be with you.
Update (23.03.18): Does 2018 suck for you as much as it does for me?
Here’s to hoping 2018 sucks less than 2017.
P.S. I'm removing my old stories, sorry not sorry.
— gr8rockstarrox, 31.12.17
la solitude vivifie; l'isolement tue