If you came by looking for stories I posted in years past, please consider reading this instead. I originally wanted to close this account, but there is no information or option available on the fanfiction site to do this. I had emailed fanfiction support to delete the account, and never received a response. Online research says the fanfiction doesn’t allow account deletion.
Because closing the account was not possible, I deleted my stories. I also attempted to change, add comments to or delete my reviews, but this also is not an available option.
Where possible, I posted reviews to reflect my changed convictions before God, but it was not possible to do on every story. And since there exists what appears to be a permanent records of my reviews, to right the wrongs within them I am creating this permanent record.
In 2014 I turned back to God, with whom I was once close. As I spent more time in His inerrant Word the Bible and with Him in prayer, I received from Him more acceptance, love, and healing than I ever believed possible. For the rest of what I have to say about God, please know that it is all found in His Word. And I, like every other believer, have seen it demonstrated in my life.
He is the only one who knows and understands me completely, because He made me to live in a loving relationship with Him, carrying out acts he planned in advance for me to do in his name.
God helped me to recover from many years of all kinds of abuse, beginning in childhood. I am still amazed that He cares that much for me. He healed my deep emotional wounds and shame, and restored everything lost through years of depression and self-hatred, eating and spending addictions. Like any other believer, I will be a work in progress until I die. But I have a peace and hope that is unshakable, because it is grounded in God. My mother and her mother before her died by suicide. But God has freed me from history repeating in me.
More importantly, He has intimate knowledge of and infinite love for everyone. He can bring healing and restoration to anyone. It says so on every page of His book, the Bible. Because He loved us first, He made it possible to be an adopted son or daughter of His. John 3:16 is one of the best known Bible verses: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on him shall not perish, but have eternal life”. Anyone who accepts that Jesus died for their sins, and asks for forgiveness of them, will be forgiven. They will then have the blessing of eternal life in relationship with God the Father, Jesus the Son. And God’s Holy Spirit will live within them to teach, comfort, and guide.
As the years passed in my walk with God, I became more and more saddened by, and ashamed of the stories and parts of reviews I had posted here. Two of my stories were slash, and one included a sexual encounter between an unmarried man and a woman. God’s Word and His Holy Spirit have shown me in no uncertain terms that it is a sin for a man to engage in sexual relations with another man, and it is a sin to engage in sexual relations outside of a marriage relationship.
And it was a sin to post stories portraying sinful activities in a positive light. So I repented of my sin. And He forgave me. But if I left the stories up, it would seem to anyone reading them that I still agreed with the things in them that I have come to know are sin. I can only trust God to overcome any damage done to those who read the stories. The wonderful thing is, He can do anything.
As for the reviews, I repent of and renounce any statements made in any of them that expressed agreement with or approval of the sinful activities mentioned above, as well as shamanism, spirit guides, redemption of souls achieved by anyone or thing other than the Lord Jesus Christ, and use of profanity.
In stating this, it is not my intention to embarrass, judge or condemn any writer whose work included these topics, to imply anything about their faith or morals. It’s not to judge or condemn anyone, fictional or otherwise, engaging in these activities. It’s not to present myself as a superior human being, God knows I am not, and so do I. Things I described as sin are not according to my definition or judgment, but by God’s, who is truth and clearly states that truth in His Word. I am simply a forgiven sinner seeking to set the record straight on what I’ve posted here.
For a time, the anonymity provided by fanfiction made it tempting to think that it was enough to simply have changed convictions, even though by looking at my stories and reviews you’d never know it. But God knows and sees all. Everyone, whether or not they believe, lives their entire life, including their thoughts and imaginations, before God. He knows it all.
In the past it was difficult to accept that. But God calls each believer to a progressively more loving and holy life. In His Word, the apostle Paul talks about the fact that once we truly love God, it is not possible to desire to sin any longer and grieve or displease Him. But—I still mess up. Every believer does. We can only be better with God’s help. And when I sin, I ask His forgiveness, and for His help in doing better. And He gives both freely.
So no matter who does or doesn’t read, God sees my heart and my desire to put this right. As with everything else in life, I do my best, and He meets me at the end of myself and does what I cannot. He does this for every believer. And I am so grateful for that.
If you’ve read to the end of this, bless you for hanging in there! If you are seeking God, He is waiting for you. He loves you, yes YOU. Call out to Him for help and forgiveness, and your life will be forever changed for the better.
God bless you!