RusticAddy
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Joined 07-05-11, id: 3046174, Profile Updated: 07-25-11
Author has written 2 stories for Roméo et Juliette, de la Haine à l'Amour, and Twilight.

Random quotes and jokes.

"The best weapon is one your enemy doesn't know you have." Nick Fury Marvel comics House of M.

"You fail to recognise that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be" Albus Dumbledore to Cornelius Fudge, Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire.

"There's no mercy in war. People live and people die, that's all there is to it." Solo wing Pixie, Ace Combat Zero

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals. ~J.K. Rowling, "Padfoot Returns," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Sirius Black

"I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me". - Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities". - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure." - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew - and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents - that there was all the difference in the world. ~J.K. Rowling, "Horcruxes," Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2005

"For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do."-Fred Weasley

"And what if I wave my wand and nothing happens?"
"Throw it away and punch him in the nose," suggested Ron. :Ron. PS.

"Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night," said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. "What do you think that means?"
"Probably that you're going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something," said Harry, turning the pages of The Dream Oracle without interest.:Harry. OOTP.

"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry-young, carefree, and innocent-"
Harry snorted. He doubted whether Fred and George had ever been innocent. :Fred and George. POA.

"Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..." :Fred and George. COS.

"Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, pity those who live without love.": Dumbledore. DH.

"I don't want to stay here overnight," said Harry angrily, sitting up and throwing back his covers. I want to find McLaggen and kill him."
"I'm afraid that would come under the heading of 'overexertion,'" said Madam Pomfrey. :Harry and Pomfrey

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. ~Author Unknown

It's like in the great stories, The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I thinkI do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.The fact that their is some good in this world, and its worth fighting for. ~Sam Gamgee

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." -- Galadriel, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us." Gandalf, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

"Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. I have not much hope that Gollum can be cured before he dies, but there is a chance of it. And he is bound up with the fate of the Ring. My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before the end; and when that comes, the pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many - yours not least."- Gandalf (FOTR)

Stop the Pairing Wars!

By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them.

You shalt not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else.

You shalt have your opinions but shalt not insult pairings. You shalt avoid them if you hate them.

You shalt keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing.

You shalt paste this in your profile.

The sorting hat says that I belong in Hufflepuff!

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."

Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Diggory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz
ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

HOW COULD YOU? - By Jim Willis, 2001

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy.

Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I b ecame their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her . It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter camp aigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.


Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet.

Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.

NOTE FROM DOC: For the love of all that is sweet and just in this world, TRY to find your pet a good home before dumping them in a shelter! They love us, are loyal to us and are truer friends than any two legger could be! They give us so much; PLEASE TRY TO RETURN THE FAVOR!! If you want to save at least one unwanted pet, copy and paste this into your profile!!

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I’m WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare
I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be a alcoholic
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them all
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.
I dress EMO so I MUST be a CUTTER

I am NOT a HOMOPHOBE so I MUST be GAY.

Stereotypes suck! Copy, paste & add. Yes they do suck! NOT All emo's cut, not all punks cut, not all-why am i repeating this??

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE REGARDING THE COPYRIGHT:

This Evil Overlord List grew out of the exchanges on what is now the Star Trek mailing list "shields-up@spies.com", beginning in 1994 (when it was still "startrek@cs.arizona.edu"). We were kicking around cliches that appeared on "Deep Space 9" at the time, and I started to compile a list of classic blunders they were making. The list came to about 20 or so items. In 1995, I decided to try to make it into a Top 100 List. I attached a copyright notice, some friends of mine posted it to a few newsgroups, and the contributions quickly poured in. In 1996 I revised the list entries to their current form, the Web page went up, more contributions were solicited, the list expanded beyond 100 and I had to open up a dungeon. I continued to contribute items; my total is around 40 or so. So while I am the originator, editor, and principal contributor, I certainly did not write the majority of the items on the list -- as may be seen by the sheer number of individuals who are listed as contributors. Around 1997, as the final contributions were coming in, a couple contributors mentioned that this was similar to a list of things not to do if you capture James Bond that had appeared on a sci-fi newsgroup. I'd never heard of or seen this list, so I assumed it was parallel development or perhaps something I had inspired.

On November 12, 2002, I exchanged some emails with Jack Butler who has a list on his website. Sayeth Mr. Butler: "This list has its origins on the now-nonexistent FidoNet Science Fiction and Fandom (SFFAN) email echo, in a discussion regarding a sketch seen on an episode of Saturday Night Live sometime in 1990. In the sketch, several Bond villains were appearing on a talkshow touting their new book, "What Not To Do If You Capture James Bond". The discussion on SFFAN was specifically regarding what advice might be found in that book. The instigator of the discussion was Alesia Chamness; other contributors included Jason Welles, Brian R. Williams, Merideth Knepper, and Alexi Vandenburg. I was also one of its contributors. When I originally posted this list to the Internet in 1994, I did so without any awareness of Mr. Anspach, the Star Trek mailing list on which his version of the list appeared, or (later) his website."

Apparently both lists were compiled during overlapping periods of time. Comparing the two, some items appear on one list but not the other. Other items appear identical to those on this list; since many are the result of my writing or editing, I believe they were taken from this list and posted to that list without permission. But other items on that list appear identical to contributions I received before I edited them. Those items may have been taken from that list and submitted here under false pretenses, or they may have innocently been submitted to both lists by their originators. It appears that as a result of this "cross-contamination", the two lists have arrived at a point where there are variations on each other and it is probably impossible to untangle them. (I would still like to talk with Alesia Chamness. If you know her, please ask her to email me.)

I believe Jack Butler when he says the list on his website is the current form of the James Bond Villain list, and I thank him for helping to clarify matters. Let me state that I had nothing to do with the FidoNet SFFAN list which is firmly in the public domain, and I lay no claim to it. The copyright statement attached to my list applies only to this list, in the form it appears.

-- Peter Anspach

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity ...

DDI +44 (0) 161 234 8343
Internal

1.

At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2.

Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3

. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

5.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana ' .

6.Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9.Sing Along At The Opera.

10.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12.When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

14.PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called... THERAPY

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief of the tribe, 'Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names like Bill, Tex or Sam?

His father replied, 'Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

For example, your sister's name is Small Romantic Moon OverThe Lake because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

Then there's your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It's very simple and easy to understand.

Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small
> >house.
> > He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a
> > long, grey beard. 'I'm lost,' said the man. 'Can you put me up for the
> > night?'> > 'Certainly,' the Chinese man said, 'but on one condition. If you so much
> > as
> > lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst
> > Chinese
> > tortures known to man.'> > 'Ok,' said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well,
> > and entered the house.> > Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,
> > beautiful,
> > and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man
> > since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.> > Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed
> > alone.
> > But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her
> > room
> > for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old
> > man wouldn't hear.> > Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel
> > a
> > pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest
> > with a note on it that read, 'Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.'
> > 'Well, that's pretty crappy,' he thought. 'If that's the best the old man
> > can do then I don't have much to worry about.' He picked the boulder up,
> > walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he
> > noticed
> > another note on it that read: 'Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left
> > testicle.' In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already
> > getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than
> > castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted
> > downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, 'Chinese Torture 3:
> > Right testicle tied to bedpost.'

From fanfiction writer Racheljhoson

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read that please put it in your profile.

A bunch of stuff from Soultaker 78

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.
As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so glum?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway."

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"
Satan: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it"
Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no
biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"
Satan: "I bet yo u like to gamble."
Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it
doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."

Guy: "Cool!"
Satan: "What about drugs?"
Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You
can do all the drugs you want You're dead so who cares."

Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"
Guy: "No..."

Satan: "Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough..."

--POST THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE IF YOU THINK HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!!--

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

--Thank you--

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, DxS Phreak, Hotduckgurl, OddObsessed, have-a-cookie, ShadowGirdo, Yellow14

I have weird friends. If you have weird friends too, add this to your profile/signature and add your name to the end of the list. DracoandHermione4life, ShadowGirdo,Yellow14

If you ever wished to be an alien, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If sometimes your fanfics seem to write themselves, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you would rather have a painting you created be displayed in a small gallery than perform onstage with Beyonce, copy this into your profile. (And I can't paint)

If you support inter-racial marriages, copy this into your profile.

Just because we can eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, meat (well, not meat), etc... Copy this into your profile

If you've ever wished to go back in time, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If your profile is long copy and paste this to make it even longer

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped up the stairs, copy this into your profile!

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) or Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

Subject: Scrabble

This has got to be one of the most clever E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS


Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.

Ad in Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More the Success, More the Relatives.

When I Read About the Evils of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading

My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.


Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh and the World Laughs with You,
Snore and You sleep Alone.



Sign at a Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.

Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlour Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!

For those who have served on jury...this one is something to think about...Just when you think you have heard everything!! Do you like to read a good murder mystery? Not even Law and Order would attempt to capture this mess. This is an unbelievable twist of fate!!

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, (AAFS)President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject 'A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.' When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now for the exquisite twist... Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide. A true story from Associated Press.

From the profile of alittleinsane

Why is Cinderella a fairy tale? Any idiot can lose a shoe!

My Imaginary Friend thinks you have mental problems, and trust me, she would know!

"OMGWTF!" is NOT a spell... trust me, I've tried.

A friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"

A friend will help you up when you fall, but a best friend will point, laugh, and draw more attention to the fact that you fell.

A friend will split their lunch with you if you forgot yours, but a best friend will guard their food, stick out their tongue, and say, "You should have brought your own lunch, stupid! Now back off mine!"

A friend will ask before eating something at your house, but a best friend will come into your house, barely say hello, and head straight to your fridge.

A friend will ring your doorbell and wait patiently, but a best friend will pound on your door incessantly until you open it fifteen seconds later and say, "This situation could have been avoided if you had simply left your door unlocked!"

A friend will use the common, "I think that shirt would look nice with jeans," suggestion, but a best friend will say, "YOU IDIOT! Why are you wearing a skirt with that shirt?!" and will then proceed to tear your closet apart looking for the jeans that are in your dresser drawer, which she, of course, already knew. She will then say, "Your room looks like crap. Clean up much?"

A friend will ask if they can show you a song and will then pull it up on youtube, but a best friend will buy it and transfer it to your iPod and then tell you to listen to it or suffer their extreme displeasure.

A friend will agree to a game of cards, but a best friend will agree, then proceed to suggest 52-pickup and begin the game before you agree.

A friend will tell you to ignore the mean girls calling you names, but a best friend will keep the insults coming until a teacher walks down the hall, and will then drag you around the corner to listen as the mean girls get chewed out.

A friend will wake you up if you fall asleep in class, but a best friend will raise their hand and shout out across the whole room to the teacher that you are drooling on their book. (trust me, you will not fall asleep in that class again)

A friend will let you sleep in as late as you want after you fall asleep at four, but a best friend will wake you up half an hour later simply because they drank too much coffee and can't sleep and feel you should share their punishment.

A friend will stay on the phone with you as long as you need to talk, but a best friend will stay on the phone until they arrive at your house and will then stay there until you kick them out four days later when you are completely recovered.

A friend will laugh about a prank a teacher pulled on you, but a best friend will help you plot and carry out your revenge while laughing. (being in a prank war with your teacher is just plain awesome)

So I bought some deoderant recently, and there are a couple things on the back of it that just boggle my mind. Why is the FIRST WARNING on the back, "For external use only!" Seriously, has anyone like... tried to put deoderant on their liver or something? Another thing that confuses me, "Ask a doctor before use if you have kidney disease!" ...That just makes no sense to me. Let's see... your under arms are way up, and then your kidneys a quite a bit lower... how does deoderant effect kidneys? Third thing that I find interesting, "Other information: Do not store over 115 degreesF." ...Is the deoderant going to explode or something if I have it over 115 degrees? ...-runs off to try-

I know I'm not perfect.
I know I'm a geek, in many different ways.
I know I listen to "weird" bands.
I know I like to read.
I know I like school, even the teachers.

BUT:
I know I have true friends.
I know I'm loved.
I know who I love.
I know what I love.
I know I can overcome put-downs.
I know who I am.

Anything else you'd like to throw at me?

Month One
Hi Mommy!
I am only 3/4 of an inch long, but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb!
If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three
You know what Mommy?
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too.
I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four
Mommy,

My hair is starting to grow!
It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby!
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven
Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just:
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

Yes, I'm pro-life. And incase you're wondering, no, I didn't write that, but I would be honored to shake the author's hand.

He's right about that you know.

From QuickQuotesQuil07

Clowns hate tangellos. It messes with their equilibrium.

I'm not afraid of figure skaters. I just don't trust the way they spin is all.

IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices

1) repost and show you care

2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart

(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile

98 of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy but I'm just random! If you are random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile

You may be obsessed with Star Wars if...

... your favorite book of the Bible is 'Luke.'

... you refer to children as 'younglings,' elevators as 'turbolifts,' and bathrooms as 'refreshers.'

... you have looked for Ewoks when entering a wooded area.

... you address your teachers as "Master."

... you have attempted to use a glowstick as a miniature weapon.

... when an object was out of your reach, you have extended your hand toward it and expected it to come to you.

... you wave you hand in front of you to open automatic doors.

... you have quoted lines from the Star Wars movies unintentionally.

... you have ever attempted to perform a jung ma.

... you even know what a jung ma is.

... you have ever been surprised to open a refrigerator and find that the milk is not blue.

... you know how to write in Aurebesh.

... you have ever insulted someone by calling them 'sleemo.'

... you have painted or drawn a picture in which there are at least two suns in the sky.

... you understand any of this.

This is all for now!

I hope that this is sorta Luminescence for ya all!

May the Force be with you all.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

A Shadowed Soul by devilblondie reviews
He was abandoned at a young age, the world believing him dead. They were wrong. Death Eaters believed untouchable are dying. Who is this assassin? Will he join Dumbledore or take the war into his own hands? Not typical powerful!politic!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 18 - Words: 93,039 - Reviews: 2353 - Favs: 4,712 - Follows: 5,272 - Updated: 3/18 - Published: 7/15/2007 - Harry P., N. Tonks
Leaving it all behind by Amira Devant reviews
Harry knew about the horcruxes when he is faced with betrayal. Fleeing, he enters a new school. If he has to die then he will drag the SOB Voldemort with him. Facing death, Harry leaves it all behind. HPxOMC AU!4567!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 95,825 - Reviews: 920 - Favs: 1,626 - Follows: 2,008 - Updated: 2/21 - Published: 2/16/2010 - Harry P., Albus D., OC
Adrift in a World by Miss Whiskers reviews
Harry Potter is thrown into an alternate universe due to archaic rules of magic. Hiding under the alias of Chris Collins, he tries to find a place among the suspicion of those he knew and some he never did, as Voldemort's power grows.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 164,935 - Reviews: 3369 - Favs: 3,864 - Follows: 4,126 - Updated: 2/17 - Published: 6/12/2006 - Harry P.
A Mate for Sesshoumaru by Arch-Nemesis reviews
Over 285,000 views. Sesshoumaru, the heir of the Western Lands, is the most sought after youkai of high breeding. However, due to some unforeseen circumstances, it appears that he cannot produce an heir of his own. mpreg, yaoi, inc
Inuyasha - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 80,068 - Reviews: 856 - Favs: 694 - Follows: 820 - Updated: 12/3/2013 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Inuyasha, Sesshomaru
Our Love is Art by Mackenzie L reviews
Through the union of two souls, the expression of love becomes an art in itself. A profound exploration of intimacy through the eyes of a painter and a poet, told in many colors. HR Award Winner — Best Citrusy Sequence.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 112,317 - Reviews: 1089 - Favs: 308 - Follows: 426 - Updated: 11/11/2013 - Published: 9/12/2010 - Carlisle, Esme
The Art of Hidden Personas by whitedwarf reviews
HP/LV Harry grows up relying on only himself until his adoption, when he is taught the manners and politics of high pureblood circles. Masking his dark intelligence at Hogwarts & intending to escape notice, past secrets and Dark Lords force his hidden hand.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 29 - Words: 196,861 - Reviews: 4583 - Favs: 4,031 - Follows: 5,125 - Updated: 7/30/2013 - Published: 1/18/2010 - Harry P., Voldemort
Hollow Thunder, Vital Lightning by Aariya07 reviews
Life after Voldemort is ideal and perfect for everyone except the one who made it possible. Unbelievably bored and unhappy, Harry performs a spell that will take him to an alternate universe where he can be happiest & active with Voldemort. Even he hadn't expected the outcomes or how the spell would misinterpret his desires. ::AU; slash::
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 151,684 - Reviews: 1103 - Favs: 2,766 - Follows: 3,359 - Updated: 6/6/2013 - Published: 2/22/2008 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
The Abuse in a Violently Different Dimension by VG Jekyll reviews
After finding out yet another secret that has been kept from him, Harry blows up Dumbledore's office only to find himself -how cliché- in an Alternate Dimension where Neville is the Boy-Who-Lived. AU & Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 39 - Words: 77,419 - Reviews: 1181 - Favs: 1,426 - Follows: 2,220 - Updated: 5/4/2013 - Published: 6/7/2005 - Harry P., Draco M.
Broken and Twisted by Love's Martyr reviews
Cloud is living in Midgar’s orphanage, starving for freedom. Meanwhile, strange things are boiling within ShinRa. Upon Cloud’s escape, can he find the love and care he’s never been given? Can Sephiroth gain the trust of a broken soul? SephCloud Yaoi
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 119,433 - Reviews: 571 - Favs: 425 - Follows: 530 - Updated: 2/22/2013 - Published: 9/4/2006 - Sephiroth, Cloud S.
Where Angels Roam the Sea by Mackenzie L reviews
In 1840, 16-year-old Carlisle Cullen almost drowned at sea off the coast of Italy. He was rescued by Esme Evenson, a vampire whose beautiful face haunted him throughout his youth. Seven years later, they meet again. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 44,508 - Reviews: 784 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 403 - Updated: 2/2/2013 - Published: 7/9/2011 - Carlisle, Esme
Of Shadow, Shine And Shades by dra6on reviews
Attempting to erase his memory, Lord Harry James Potter-Black actually ends up sending himself through time and dimension into another world. What is a mage to do when he's offered a second chance? AU, dimension and time travel, slash, HPSS
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 23 - Words: 148,024 - Reviews: 1161 - Favs: 2,251 - Follows: 3,188 - Updated: 1/29/2013 - Published: 2/4/2010 - Harry P., Severus S.
Stained Glass Soul by Mackenzie L reviews
She falls from a tree. She falls from a cliff. She falls in love. The story of restless newborn vampire Esme Anne Platt and the shamelessly saintly Doctor Carlisle Cullen. Winner of 3 Hopeless Romantic Awards.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 65 - Words: 436,960 - Reviews: 6192 - Favs: 941 - Follows: 984 - Updated: 1/2/2013 - Published: 2/21/2010 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
Behind Stained Glass by Mackenzie L reviews
Companion piece to "Stained Glass Soul" — all additional chapters told from Carlisle's point of view. Hopeless Romantic Award Winner — Best Carlisle.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 297,919 - Reviews: 3040 - Favs: 536 - Follows: 746 - Updated: 11/29/2012 - Published: 5/8/2010 - Carlisle, Esme - Complete
Building Bridges by Melethril reviews
Harry was proclaimed dead when he was two years old and ended up in an orphanage. But that was only the beginning of his journey. While trying to find his place in the world of magic, he never forgets those whom he views as family.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 182,447 - Reviews: 2443 - Favs: 4,282 - Follows: 4,913 - Updated: 9/7/2012 - Published: 10/26/2010 - Harry P.
Ends and Means by HaruJam reviews
Whilst teaching Harry Occlumency, Snape and Dumbledore find a memory block in Harry's mind. 'For the greater good' they destroy the block in the hopes that Harry will become more powerful and be able to defeat the Dark Lord. Do the ends justify the means?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Fantasy - Chapters: 25 - Words: 104,934 - Reviews: 1509 - Favs: 1,620 - Follows: 2,372 - Updated: 8/7/2012 - Published: 7/29/2007 - Harry P.
Big Momma B, Thrax's wife by ShadowChild Of Death reviews
A new female viruse has appeared in Frank, and not only that but Thrax is BACK and it turns out she's his wife. But what do they want with Ozzy? And is Frank doomed?
Osmosis Jones - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 7,347 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 7/24/2012 - Published: 11/10/2007
If You Only Knew by born2bmyself reviews
Who is the mysterious kid that Bella shows up with? She says she adopted the child; Acting as the kid's fake dad to make things less awkward, Edward tries to find out the truth too. What will happen during this new parental arrangement? AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 88,732 - Reviews: 954 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 302 - Updated: 7/13/2012 - Published: 5/25/2010 - Bella, Edward
Hidden Twin by 917brat reviews
a wrong boy who lived story with the full summary inside
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 23,525 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 449 - Follows: 552 - Updated: 6/5/2012 - Published: 11/8/2008
Harry Potter: My Life Is My Own by Sashian reviews
This story is currently on hold until my mind comes back into focus. Harry has a great memory, photographic even. He remembers everything even the day he was born. Every sight, sound, smell or touch he remembers with crystal clarity and he has power from the moment he is born. And whats up with Hedwig?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 166,902 - Reviews: 1987 - Favs: 5,170 - Follows: 5,912 - Updated: 5/26/2012 - Published: 8/4/2009 - Harry P.
Questions by Findel reviews
After the bloody tower and the imprisonment of Integra. Seras is left to wonder the meaning of her existence, what she means to the members of Hellsing, and why Alucard created her in the first place.
Hellsing - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 43,071 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 5/14/2012 - Published: 6/13/2006 - Seras, Alucard
Bloody Skies by Toki Mirage reviews
Being a gay Hero hunted by a crazy Dark Lord with delusions of immortality, a barmy old Headmaster who thinks it's his job to save the world, and the odd vampire trolling through the halls at night looking for a midnight snack isn't easy. Just ask Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 29 - Words: 332,494 - Reviews: 4798 - Favs: 4,632 - Follows: 4,137 - Updated: 2/19/2012 - Published: 2/24/2006 - Harry P. - Complete
Darkest Hour by Lady Silverwings reviews
Young Harry Potter struggles to make his parents proud after being born a shameful squib. He soon forges a dark, dangerous friendship with the only person who seems to understand his deep need to prove his worth.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 40,412 - Reviews: 1763 - Favs: 2,785 - Follows: 3,421 - Updated: 11/30/2011 - Published: 2/23/2007 - Voldemort, Harry P.
Stranger In a Too Familiar Land by Fyreheart reviews
TEMP HIATUS. Harry Potter successfully fulfilled his destiny by killing Voldemort. As he lay dying, he was abruptly summoned to another world. What happens when a tired and broken Harry discovers that he's expected to save their world?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 125,467 - Reviews: 2679 - Favs: 4,786 - Follows: 5,637 - Updated: 10/2/2011 - Published: 12/31/2010 - Harry P.
Death of Today by Epic Solemnity reviews
COMPLETE LV/HP: Raised in a Muggle orphanage, Harry arrives at Hogwarts a bitter boy. Unusually intelligent, he's recruited by the Unspeakables and the Death Eaters at a young age. As he grows older, he constantly has to struggle to keep his footing around a manipulative and bored Dark Lord, who fancies mind games and intellectual entertainment. (Currently being re-edited.)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Adventure - Chapters: 71 - Words: 500,882 - Reviews: 7656 - Favs: 5,148 - Follows: 2,949 - Updated: 6/6/2011 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Voldemort, Harry P. - Complete
Cadet Days by Chocobo13 reviews
Paying a visit to Zack's grave, Cloud has a strange dream and wakes up several years in the past as a SOLDIER cadet. He thought he was done, but it seems the Planet had other plans. Post-AC. Warning: Possible boyXboy pairing between Cloud and Sephiroth.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 39,510 - Reviews: 264 - Favs: 502 - Follows: 701 - Updated: 3/20/2011 - Published: 7/7/2010 - Cloud S., Sephiroth
Play Dates by SarahCullen17 reviews
Bella is a single mother of a five-year-old son, Emerson. Edward is a single father of a five-year-old daughter, Emmy. They've given up on finding love for a very long time until their children become playground buddies. Nominated for a TwiFiction Award!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 63,684 - Reviews: 740 - Favs: 764 - Follows: 335 - Updated: 1/11/2011 - Published: 11/24/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Invisibly Jaded by LightningHunter reviews
Continued for Quatreastrophe. Harry's twin vanquished Voldemort. Harry believes he is unwanted, unworthy and unneeded, and by accident, Apparates across the globe. Eleven years later, he returns, staff in hand, and war drums in his ears.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 52,951 - Reviews: 696 - Favs: 1,347 - Follows: 2,053 - Updated: 1/2/2011 - Published: 5/14/2008 - Harry P.
Eric Yorkie, The Van Helsing of Forks by duskwatcher2153 reviews
"My name is Eric Yorkie and I possess knowledge that will change the world as we know it: Edward Cullen is a VAMPIRE!" This is Eric's POV of the events of Book 1 and remarkably, it stays within canon. A humorous look at Twilight from the eyes of Forks' most lovable geek.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 13 - Words: 42,433 - Reviews: 511 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 12/19/2010 - Published: 8/8/2010 - Eric, Rosalie - Complete
Dark Chronicles by SylvanDreamer reviews
Being rewritten. Soon to be deleted.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 90,519 - Reviews: 898 - Favs: 1,071 - Follows: 1,377 - Updated: 9/19/2010 - Published: 9/20/2006 - Harry P.
The Fifth Act by Sinnatious reviews
Cloud has an accident with a Time materia. There are people to save, and for that, some people need to die.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 38 - Words: 169,887 - Reviews: 2438 - Favs: 3,273 - Follows: 917 - Updated: 9/15/2010 - Published: 5/7/2010 - Cloud S., Sephiroth - Complete
Unsung Hero by MeghanReviews reviews
There are two things to know about Harry Potter. One: He kicks ass. Two: No one cares. Why? Because Daniel Potter is the Boy Who Lived. Badass Horcruxes. A Year 7 fic with lots of twin fic elements. COMPLETED
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 51 - Words: 211,878 - Reviews: 6891 - Favs: 6,510 - Follows: 3,898 - Updated: 9/5/2010 - Published: 4/18/2006 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
All According to the Master Plan by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel reviews
Harry is taken in at a young age by a psychopathic Time Lord planning to conquer Earth using the wizarding world, and his human wife. It’s a very different Harry Potter who comes to Hogwarts. Harry Potter/Doctor Who crossover. Crack-ish.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,697 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 461 - Follows: 583 - Updated: 6/10/2010 - Published: 6/19/2009 - The Master, Harry P.
The Labyrinth's Chosen by Cereberus reviews
This is a story about Sarah's daughter, Angelina. Is she the person the Underground has been waiting for? Will she save those she is destined to protect? Or will she die ingloriously at Fate's feet? CHAPTER 37 IS UP! Please read and review!
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 38 - Words: 117,364 - Reviews: 243 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 5/17/2010 - Published: 4/1/2004
Atra Regnum by Shadow Rebirth reviews
ABANDONED. Harry has a dark secret: He isn't a wizard. But that certainly doesn't mean he can't do magic. Unfortunately, it also means that in the face of fanatical governments and enraged demigods, Voldemort is going to be the least of his problems. [SoG rewrite.]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,548 - Reviews: 381 - Favs: 1,098 - Follows: 1,455 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 9/3/2009 - Harry P.
Tea Time With Mrs Nesbitt by SarahCullen17 reviews
I walked to my daughter's room, expecting to find Nessie reading or playing with her dolls. What I saw was Emmett in a tutu." Humorous and cute, featuring Nessie, Mama, Daddy, Uncle Em, and Uncle Jazzy. One-shot. Nominated for a TwiFiction Award.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,817 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 10 - Published: 3/23/2010 - Bella, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
To be a SOLDIER by Silverhair Theory reviews
For as long as he could remember, Cloud's dream had been to join SOLDIER. He finally gets the chance and signs up but an unforseen similarity to the world's greatest general could have rather interesting consequences. Eventually CloudxSeph. Shounenai
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 65,629 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 267 - Follows: 420 - Updated: 1/21/2010 - Published: 7/15/2006 - Cloud S., Sephiroth
The Story of The Guys by The Professional reviews
Spinoff to 'HP: The Lone Traveller'. The story of Harry James Potter, the brother of the supposed BoyWhoLived, and his friends... My take on the old 'Harry the brother of the BWL' & 'Harry the Slytherin' plotline.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 79,166 - Reviews: 787 - Favs: 1,040 - Follows: 1,269 - Updated: 11/4/2009 - Published: 12/19/2005 - Harry P., Padma P.
A Magical World by Miranda Flairgold reviews
Last fic in the trilogy! Demons invaded Earth intent on enslaving all magical life. But they miscalculated...the Earthling's magic is stronger than they suspected, and far more dangerous. Now the survivors regroup in the new magical world, to fight back.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 31,170 - Reviews: 1475 - Favs: 2,505 - Follows: 2,578 - Updated: 11/3/2009 - Published: 8/20/2009
A Matter of Time by duskwatcher2153 reviews
Post BD. Canon. The Cullens must face a new threat from the Volturi, even as renegade wolves start taking down their friends. When Jacob and Nessie are theatened, battles that were once walked away from must now be fought. Violence, some light citrus
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 80,201 - Reviews: 451 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 9/10/2009 - Published: 5/7/2009 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Shades of Gray by Shadow Rebirth reviews
See Atra Regnum.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 110,059 - Reviews: 1506 - Favs: 1,622 - Follows: 1,950 - Updated: 9/3/2009 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Harry P.
The Black Lord's Rising by Just A Passing Cynic reviews
Harry is sick of being used. Vying to release himself from Dumbledore's web of manipulation, he leaves Hogwarts and enters Blackshades, an exclusive school of Dark Arts, after being emancipated by Sirius's Will. Slash. Undergoing Rewrite.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,876 - Reviews: 354 - Favs: 472 - Follows: 848 - Updated: 8/16/2009 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Harry P.
Hell Eyes by Jezaray reviews
Harry was born cursed, but didn't know until he fell through a portal to another world. There people have wings and hate him for his curse, but it gives him power: power to change this new world as well as his own. AU after 5th year.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 53 - Words: 210,613 - Reviews: 1129 - Favs: 1,227 - Follows: 670 - Updated: 8/3/2009 - Published: 12/3/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
The Feel of Feelings by Falling Tenshi reviews
Harry goes to Azkaban and later released. Not pleased with life and a tad insane, Harry sneaks off to a new, potentially more dangerous school. ManiuplativeDumbledore, BadRonAndGinny, Slash. HarryMaleOC STOPPED, REWRITTEN FIC UNDER NEW TITLE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,709 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 318 - Follows: 384 - Updated: 7/1/2009 - Published: 5/24/2006 - Harry P., OC - Complete
Changes in a Time of War by Miranda Flairgold reviews
Sequel A Second Chance at Life. Harry is training in bloodmagic/necromancy, he is becoming a basilisk with a thunderbird's soul, there's a plague in europe, demons are about to invade Earth, and Voldemort needs to die. Fae, vampires, new magics and school
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 30 - Words: 343,956 - Reviews: 5297 - Favs: 4,068 - Follows: 2,338 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 7/31/2006 - Complete
Finding Strife by Jade003 reviews
Completely AU. Remix of the Wutai War with Sephiroth and everyone's fav blonde.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 41 - Words: 58,071 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 4/27/2009 - Published: 5/9/2007 - Cloud S., Sephiroth - Complete
Family Blood by Findel reviews
Seras' parents are dead and she is a police officer. One day a man shows up claiming she is the new owner her grandfathers estate. She begins to remember her past but is unaware of her family darkest secret.
Hellsing - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 32,380 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 12/28/2008 - Published: 1/7/2007
Putting Lessons by bethaboo reviews
Edward and Bella, vacationing at the beach, have a little too much fun on the mini golf course. All Human AU. One Shot. Entry in the Dirty Talking Edward Contest and winner of 2nd Place.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,691 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 568 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 11/8/2008 - Published: 10/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dresser by Jayeliwood reviews
Edward and Bella are on their honeymoon and are spending some... quality time together. Short lemon one shot. Edward's POV. Based during Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,811 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 286 - Follows: 53 - Published: 10/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Best Presents by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Edward saves Bella from her 50th birthday celebrations, and then he gives her what she really wants. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,916 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 50 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Redemption by PsychicDreams reviews
SxC If you could go back in time, redo the past and change the future, would you do it? Even at the risk that you lose every single hard won victory you've had?
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 55,990 - Reviews: 336 - Favs: 655 - Follows: 284 - Updated: 8/31/2008 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Cloud S., Sephiroth - Complete
Mage and Warrior by Minstrel Knight reviews
Harry is the neglected twin of the BWL. He discovers in the Chamber of Secrets a whole new world of knowledge, power and vision. Inspired, he and his friends seek to bring back the times of the Mage and Warrior. Book 1 of the Blackwolf Trilogy. HG NL DHr
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 70,451 - Reviews: 712 - Favs: 1,647 - Follows: 1,868 - Updated: 8/16/2008 - Published: 1/13/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W.
Anarkia by Naia reviews
Abandonned by his guardians, Harry Potter vanished from existence. Years later, a young man graduates from one of the most elitist and secrete Magical schools and makes his way through Magical societies. Fate or Fatality? Ancient Greeks called it Anarkia.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 87,074 - Reviews: 1674 - Favs: 3,600 - Follows: 3,647 - Updated: 8/7/2008 - Published: 5/19/2005 - Harry P.
Graceful by Jayeliwood reviews
One shot Ed/Bell Edward catches Bella dancing when she thinks no one is looking. Cute short sweet
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,198 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 24 - Published: 6/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Prank Lord Potter by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel reviews
Harry was dumb enough to swear a magical oath to replace Voldemort as Dark Lord. Thus, Veridans Lucis, Dark Lord of Chaos, is born. WIP Part 2 up!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,027 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 1,040 - Follows: 913 - Updated: 6/16/2008 - Published: 1/5/2007 - Harry P.
Stupid teasing vampires by Jayeliwood reviews
Edward and Bella are enjoying a quiet evening at home. When Edward pushes one too many buttons Bella gets some pay back. Cute, short, fluffy one shot. Ed and Bella just being a normal couple.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 841 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 55 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Complete
Invisibly Jaded by Quatreastrophe reviews
Story taken up by LightningHunter. See ch9 for more info. Everyone believes Harry’s twin vanquished Voldemort. As a small child, Harry believes he is unworthy, unwanted, and unneeded...but is he? At 16, after years away from home, not by a long shot!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 23,762 - Reviews: 890 - Favs: 804 - Follows: 1,433 - Updated: 5/14/2008 - Published: 12/4/2005 - Harry P.
Harry Potter and the New Lives by Steve2 reviews
Alternate reality. After the war, 7th year Harry Potter is transported into an AU where Neville is ‘TheBoyWhoLived’. How will the powerful Shadow Mage Harry Potter get accustomed to a new life as a ‘nobody’? Now SilverAegis approved 25May2007
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 150,058 - Reviews: 914 - Favs: 1,348 - Follows: 1,609 - Updated: 4/18/2008 - Published: 4/9/2007 - Harry P., Neville L.
One Dozen Roses by Angel Ren reviews
Fluff! Again! Twilight, Valentine's Day. Three weeks after the Tyler's Van incident, Bella Swan finds herself on the radar for many a suitor. But who in the world keeps leaving her roses in the most impossible places? BellaEdward Fluffic! Series
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,671 - Reviews: 880 - Favs: 1,444 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 1/18/2008 - Published: 1/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Fate by HaruJam reviews
Takao/Tyson has led a happy life these past few years but now his past has caught up with him. As he confronts his fate, his friends are dragged into the dark secrets and hidden history of Takao's family. BeybladeFruits Basket crossover. Complete!
Crossover - Fruits Basket & Beyblade - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 51,471 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 12/17/2007 - Published: 4/10/2007 - Tyson G./Takao K. - Complete
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Just the Beauty
If it was just the beauty, Jacob would have had no problem tearing Tanya of the Denali clan apart. But the knowing—and the love—could stop him. One shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,062 - Published: 7/25/2011 - Complete
Bittersweet Suicide
Poem of the final moment of a lost lover with nowhere to turn.
Roméo et Juliette, de la Haine à l'Amour - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 55 - Published: 7/25/2011 - Complete