Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter, Doctor Who, and Torchwood.
Hey! I'm salt'and'pepper'pig and I have absolutely loved FanFiction since my friends introduced me :D
I love Doctor Who (and am not ashamed of it) and I love Harry Potter :D
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts(this is hilarious)
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
30) I will not go to class skyclad.
31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.
35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."
36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."
37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.
40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"
41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.
42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
43) I will not lick Trevor.
44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.
47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.
48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.
50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
51) No matter how good my Australian accent is, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures.
52) Asking the the question 'how do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?' and walking away is only funny the first time.
53) I will not ask Barty Crouch Junior where he parked the T.A.R.D.I.S
54) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
55) I am not allowed to use the term pimp cane in front of Lucius Malfoy.
56) I will not impersonate Gordon Ramsey in Potions Class.
57) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
58) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they are real animals.
59) Bringing fortune cookies to Divination does not count for extra credit.
60) I will not wear my 'Death Eater and Proud' t-shirt on school grounds - that includes on Hogsmeade visits.
61) I will not refer to McGonagall as 'Professor McBadass'.
62) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and will not use war cries to signal my arrival to class.
63) I will not try and start Naked Thursday in the common room.
64) Getting everyone in the hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me House Points.
65) I will not call Aragog "Charlotte".
66) I will not call Professor Dumbledore "Santa".
67) Or "Gandalf"
68) I shall not substitute my school robes for prydonian robes
69) There is not 'Bring a muggle to school Day' and I should stop insisting there is.
70) Novelty or holiday-themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
71) I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as the "Wicked Witch Of The North/South/East or West.
72) I will not ask if Professor McGonagall has an inapropriate relationship will Mrs. Norris
73) Should I see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from "Phantom of the Opera".
74) There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
75) Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate.
76) I will not Take red paint and write creepy messages on the walls.
77) I will not ask Aragog if he came from Metabelis III.
78) Or if he has any pretty blue crystals.
79) I cannot substitute Prydonian robes for my Hogwarts uniform.
80) Nor can my winter scarf be longer than standard issue.
81) I cannot attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
82) Or transform a pepperpot into a Dalek.
83) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
84) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
85) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.
86) Regardless of how much Professor Snape's hair might annoy me, it is inappropriate to sneak into his room at night and shave it off.
87) The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".
88) Coming up behind Harry while he and Draco are glowering at each other and saying "Oh, go on and kiss him already!" is not funny.
89) I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"
90) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.