Author has written 8 stories for Ranger's Apprentice, Knight and Rogue series, Warriors, Maximum Ride, Merlin, Psych, and Sherlock.
Willow: HI!!! You're looking at my--what's it called again?
Willow: Riiight. Zeeva's my aunt! Well, she's my dad's half-sister, Pater Witter (AKA Gramps)'s illegitimate daughter.
Zeeva: Want to tell 'em your jam preference too?
Willow: It's apple.
Zircon: Wait, how does this flat screen thingy stay lit?
Zeeva: I told you, electricity.
Willow: Shh! I'm thirteen, so that makes Zeeva...
Zeeva: You can shut up now.
Opal: Lemme see, she had just turn twenty two when we were born.
Willow: Opal's my identical twin!
Opal: Hmm... Thirty five!
Zeeva: I can still run you through with my sword.
Willow: You sure you can lift it?
Zeeva: Wanna find out?
Zircon: What about this profile lark?
Opal: Yeah, Willow, keep going. Don't forget to mention who we are!
Willow: I think I can figure out how to press the buttons with letters and write my own profile, thanks. Out, OUT! Sorry. So, Zircon is my second cousin. We're all elven changelings, which means... Ah, forget it. I'm part faery. Capice?
I've been reading a few series but all I can say right now is:
Ranger's Apprentice: This is awesome. THE END.
Harry Potter: Oh. My. God. Magic is just like this! But no wands.
Artemis Fowl: Way, way off. We're smart enough to stick to medieval life. But you know what... AMAZING! Holly/Artemis would be the best couple EVER.
Mortal Instruments: C. Clare's Shadowhunters = real faeries.
Twilight: Will the anti-Twilight people SHUT UP? Edward is NOT a gay faery. That is an insult to us faeries. And though I've never met a gay person, I have to say Alec and Magnus are NOTHING like Edward (thank God).
Eragon: Oooh, nice. Nothing to be compared to Harry Potter but... Decent.
Merlin (TV): Epic.
Robin Hood (TV): BBC, I love you even more and I'm only on the first episode.
Big Bang Theory (TV): Love this show. Sheldon reminds me of Coriander, my little brother (who's super adorable, extremely smart, and a tad socially awkward; not to mention that he looks like a seven year old Sheldon with copper hair... Right down the pretty sister! Not me, I mean my little sister. They're so close in age they're practically twins) and I support Shamy to the end. Soooo cute.
WAYS TO ANNOY ARTHUR PENDRAGON:
1. Before he heads out to the training grounds, tell him his armour looks kind of big.
2. Then mention how it looks quite dull.
3. Ask him if he's made his daily quota for yelling at people yet.
4. After number 3, tell Arthur that he count you in his daily quota.
5. Ask him to pout for you.
6. Go up to Morgana when Arthur's within earshot and say, "Doesn't Lancelot have nice hair? He's so much cuter than Arthur!"
7. For added effect on number 6, add "Lancelot isn't a prat, either!"
8. And if you want to be REALLY mean, add "No wonder Merlin likes Lancelot better!"
9. During a conversation with Arthur, continue mentioning how great someone else is.
10. Suggest that Arthur is a little too old for the "Prince Valiant" hair cut.
11. Dye all of his clothes pink just before a meeting with the knights.
12. Infiltrate the kitchen and make rat soup for Arthur's dinner.
13. For added effect on number 13, tell Arthur (after he's had a few bites) that Merlin caught more rats in his room.
14. And for more added effect on number 14, ask if he thinks the rat tails look like noodles.
15. Ask him how Morgana used to beat him in spar matches.
16. Tell him he's drop dead gorgeous.
17. Remind him of the time Morgana hid the druid boy right under his nose!
18. Beat him in everything he's good at in front of everyone.
19. Poke him the head until he starts asking what you are doing then tell him :"Oh, I wanted to check if its gotten bigger...Oh look it has!" Then run.
20. Get the entire castle to keep asking him when he's planning to elope with another random 'thing' he met on a hunting trip!
21. Stare at him hintingly/expectantly whenever he mentions another female.
22. Follow him around saying, "Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother," until he tells you to go away.
23. For added effect on the previous one, come back ten minutes later and start doing the same thing.
24. Get Merlin to cast a spell so that their roles are reversed and Arthur has to be servant to Merlin.
25. Put a sign on his back that says "Prince Prat"
26. Talk about his and Merlin's "abusive relationship".
27. Say that blue is a much better colour than red.
28. Constantly ask if he'll sell Merlin to you.
29. Avoid him for about a week. When he corners you and asks why, say "Merlin told me that pratness is contagious".
30. Ask him if he's so great, how come Gwen's gonna end up cheating on him with Lancelot.
31. Say "Being king is a big responsibility. Are you sure someone like you can do it?".
32. Ask him to help with your Algebra II homework. If he can't do it, say "I thought princes were supposed to be intelligent. Oh well, I'll just go ask Merlin. Now he's smart".
33. Hide a tape recorder in his room that plays annoying songs over and over again (i.e. the llama song, the badger song, Charlie the Unicorn, If You Were Gay)
34. No.35, except play Michael Jackson and/or Jackson 5 songs.
35. Attach a walkie-talkie to the back of a chair or somewhere he won't look. When he comes near, say through the other walkie-talkie, "Arthur, I am your master, Ronald McDonald! You must obey my commands!". Watch his reaction.
36. Insist on calling him "Artie".
37. Spray Lysol on everything he touches.
38. Make a random day Merlin/Lancelot/Gaius/and anyone except Arthur Appreciation Day.
39. Start playing "I Don't Care" by Fall Out Boy and then ask him if it's his theme song.
40. No. 39 , except play "Prima Donna" from Phantom of the Opera.
41. Make a list of all the slashy things that Arthur has said to Merlin and give the list to Morgana and Uther.
42. Tell "Do you know who Bradley James is?? He is your twin!!!" Keep poking him for the whole day and asking him for his autograph.
43. Tell him that purple dresses suit him too, since he said that to Merlin. (2.09)
44. Tell him that Merlin and him are so sweet together, and that they should both wear purple and hold hands and go on programs like “Project Runway”
45. Every time you see him pout, pop up and sing "maybe he's born with it. Maybe its Maybelline"
46. Tell him Gwen likes guys with a feminine side, and the only way he'll beat Lancelot in THAT race is to wear a dress. Wait and see what happens.
47. Throw him in the stocks and get Merlin, Gwen, Morgana, Gaius and Uther, (and yourself!!) and throw potatoes at him, and shout “PRINCE PRAT!!!
48. Tell him he really wanted that hug from Merlin and there is NO denying of it!!!
For more, just google "how to annoy Arthur Pendragon". Apparently they're everywhere.
WAYS TO ANNOY MERLIN EMRYS:
1. Ask him when neckerchiefs came back into style.
2. Tell him that "hocus-pocus" and "bippiddibobbidiboo" are better spells than the ones he's learned.
3. Ask him who cut his hair- you want to know because you're hungry for pudding!
4. Hand him a sword and helmet and tell him that Arthur requires his services as a practicing dummy.
5. Tell him that Gaius exchanged his spell book for 'Cinderella' and he still hasn't realised.
6. Tell everyone in the castle about his undying love for Gwen.
7. Tell everyone in the castle about his frequent compliments to Arthur about him being a genius.
8. Clean up his room and keep anything that he leaves lying around- including his sorcery book.
9. Re-use his bath water (adding soap, of course) in making his breakfast and pretend you had nothing to do with the fact that he's foaming at the mouth.
10. Send him around the castle doing tasks that you've already completed.
11. Ramble on about basic anatomy like Gaius while following Merlin around during his duties.
12. Steal his neckerchief.
13. Tell him this whole "destiny thing" was just a big joke made up by the Dragon.
14. Tell him that parlor tricks are better then his magic spells.
15. Ask: "Are you an elf? Because your ears are SO big!"
16. Constantly call him "Spock".
17. Ask him if he knows Santa.
18. Ask him if Arthur's been told about the time you and Gwen kissed within earshot of Arthur.
19. Ask him where his beard is.
20. Buy him a pointy hat and a blue robe with stars on it.
21. Complain when he says he won't wear it.
22. Ask him where Archemides is.
23. Make your hesitance clear about whether neckerchiefs even existed in the dark ages. Let alone jeans.
24. Tell him his neckerchief is ugly.
25. When you're out with him, randomly yell "Look, a warlock!".
26. Ask him if he was using Lancelot to make Arthur jealous.
27. "Idiot! Idiot!"
28. Tell him the leech tank needs cleaning again and Uther is coming to watch, so he can't use magic to do it.
19. Paint "Call me Mr Snuggles" on his back.
20. Ask him "if you're the most powerful sorcerer than how in the world did Freya die in your arms?
21. Tell him "Merlin, you really need your hair cut. Everyone is gonna mistake you for a black mushroom!"
31. Tell Arthur that Merlin has been peeping on Morgana changing.
32. Buy a cheap magic kit and perform some of the tricks in front of Merlin. Tell him that Arthur taught you everything you know, since he's a far better sorcerer than Merlin.
32: Use one of Gaius's draughts to knock him out and then dress him up as Morgana.
33. Hide his pitchfork right before he mucks the stalls, and then tell him to do it by hand
34. Use super glue to glue his red feathered hat to his head while he's asleep
35. Get him to save Arthur's life then employ Cedric as Arthur's new servant.
36. Tell him that 'Merlin' is a tiny bird no longer than a ruler then laugh at him when he asks what a ruler is.
37. Tell him that Emrys is a sad name
38. Whenever he casts a spell, glare in astonishment and then scream that he said it wrong
39. Point out that Rincewind, Potter and Longbottom each have more fans than he does.
40. Whenever he walks past stage whisper that no matter how 'magical' Merlin may be Arthur will always be more delicious, as will Lancelot.
41. Claim you saw frogs jumping out of Merlin's mouth in the square, and if the king doesn't believe you he can call the witchfinder.
42. When Arthur's in earshot say loudly, "Merlin thats horrible, Arthur's not fat!"
43. ask him whether he is really a guy, seeing as he has no muscle
44. Steal his job.
Random quotes from my life:
Me: *new car in driveway* "Mom, where's the vibe?"
Brother: "What's a vibe?"
Me: "Not funny!" *laughing nervously*
Brother's Friend: "Is she alright?"
Mom: "Honey, are you having a migraine?"
Me: "NO! WHERE IS THE VIBE?"
Brother: "We should call the doc."
Me: "I'M NOT CRAZY AND THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"
Mom: *laughing* "This is your brother's new car, we're on our way to pick up the Vibe."
Dad: "Hey, Willow, pull my finger!"
Me: *without looking up* "Pull this finger." *flips him off*
Stepmom: *laughing* "Our family dynamic is so messed up."
Gwen: (From Merlin; onscreen S1.E4) "He's [Merlin is] getting hotter!"
Bestie (Opal): "Impossible!"
Bestie (Jadia): "You know, I think Peridot is simply in love with the idea of being in love."
Me: "What was your first clue?"
Bestie (Topaz): "I am a free-floating microwave."
Me & Jadia: "What?" *sit up at same time and run into each other's heads*
Bestie (Peridot): "Willow, help!"
Bestie (Amy): *playing with Peridot's feet*
Me: "For heaven's sake, just pull your feet away." *gets sprayed in face with homemade mint perfume* "JADIA! I do not need watered down mint-flavoured vodka in my eyes."
Peridot: *pulls feet away*
Amy: "Waaah!" *grabs my feet*
Me: *tries and fails to get feet away* "Peri, your turn to help."
Peridot: *sticks feet into Amy's lap* "Look, Amy, these feet are just throwing themselves at you!"
Amy: *disdainful glance* "Sluts."
Capture the Flag game in progress*
Amy: *to general public* "Jadia's stripping for Lukas with Willow's pink fabric! On his territory!"
James (Jadia's boyfriend), Me (owner of fabric), & Zircon (Lukas's teammate): "What?!"
Me: "You'd best hope your girlfriend doesn't have germs, Lukas. It'll be hard to explain to everyone if James get mono from Kendall."
Lukas: "Not really. Kendall would've given it to me the traditional way,"
Me: *mutters* "Hands free spit swapping*
Lukas: *continues as if he hasn't heard* "Then Jadia would get it from me by stealing my drink."
Me: *mutters* "Good luck convincing James of that."
Lukas: "And then James would get it the conventional way from Jade. Completely normal."
Me: "Yeah, but you've failed to account for the Telephone Effect."
Lukas: "Telephone Effect?"
Jadia: "Like in the child's game, Telephone. The message always changes."
Lukas: "But it's hard to mess that up..."
Me: "Not if Jadia walks into school and announces her boyfriend got mono from your girlfriend. Transitive Property."
Lukas: "Oh dear..."
Jadia: "Am I the only one hoping Kendall has mono?"
Lukas & James: "YES!"
Brother's Grimm (movie)
*Half eaten dead guy falls out of tree in front of his head honcho*
Head Honcho: *not seeing holes bit out of guy's torso* "How many times do I have to tell you?" *realises the guy is dead and stops and stares*
Me: *finishes sentence* "STOP GETTING EATEN!"
Quotes not from my life:
Bounty Hunter: "Don't forget your dinner."
Merlin: *to Arthur* "Thanks!"
Arthur: *looks down at food on floor*
Arthur: "Are those my sausages? You took them?"
Merlin: "Yes. To keep you in shape!"
Arthur: "I am NOT fat!"
Merlin: "You see? It's working." *runs off*
Arthur: *looks down at stomach, checking for fatness*
*Merlin is holding a purple dress and walking down the hallway*
Guards: *What the--*
Arthur: *Sees Merlin, decides he doesn't want to know, then changes his mind* "What are you doing?"
Merlin: *vaguely* "Ahh... Running an errand for Gaius"
Arthur: "For... Gaius?"
Merlin: "Oh, I don't think it's for him."
Arthur: "As long as you do a decent day's work, Merlin, that's all I care about."
Merlin: "No, no! It's not for me!"
Arthur: "What a man does in his free time is COMPLETELY up to him."
Merlin: "You've got this wrong!"
Arthur: "Colour suits you, Merlin!"