OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
There was once a girl named Ashley who had a boyfriend named Jack.
Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma.
Jack thought of Ashley as OKAY, but he REALLY liked Courtney.
Courtney liked jack also.
Well, of course she did, everyone did!
Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to steal Jack away every time she had a chance to.
One day, Courtney asked Jack if he wanted to go to the movies.
Ashley heard everything...what movie theater and what time.
Ashley approached the movies that night and followed Jack and Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them.
She watched them get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it on in the theater.
Courtney told Jack: "Do you want to come to my place and skip this boring movie?" He replied": "Hell, yes."
Ashley had peeked through Courtney's window.
Jack and her were messing around and Ashley watched the whole thing.
The next day at school Ashley wasn't there.
For the next few days Ashley wasn't there.
A week later her mother found her in her closet dead...she committed suicide because she had loved Jack so much.
Next to Ashley's dead body was a note.
A note that read: My dearest Jack, I watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you.
I never thought you would do something like this to me.
I really loved you, Jack.
I died for you just like Jesus died for us.
Always with you, Ashley.
Please forward this or Ashley will haunt you and try to kill you because she wants everyone to know about Courtney
Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message.
If you prey on the old, you're a coward. If you prey on the young, you're just pathetic. If you prey on the weak, you're even weaker. But if you prey on my friends, you're history.
WHAT EACH KISS MEANS
"In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the kingdom of the fearful, the fearless man is God!" If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this in your profile.
If you've ever wondered why monkeys like bananas, copy/paste this in your profile.
If random songs just pop into your head at any given momet, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.
If you like slash, femslash, yoai and yuri and you don't know how the fuck that happened, copy and paste this into your profile.
"A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted "Toma Sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the nigh, she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindess will be rewarded."
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach, O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
Put this in your profile if you know someone who is fighting, has survived, or died of cancer.
If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you love rain, the wind, and the cold copy and paste this in to your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.
If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.
If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile.
If you listen to and talk back to the voices in your head and find nothing wrong with it because you know they're there, put this in your profile.
15 WAYS TO DRIVE PEOPLE INSANE:
1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
4) In the memo field of all your checks, write "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."
5) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
6) Don't use any punctuation
7) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
8) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
9) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
10) Sing along at the opera.
11) Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
12) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
13) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!"
14) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
15) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
kissing is healthy.bananas are good for period pain.it's good to cry.chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.lying is actually unhealthy.you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.chocolate will make you feel better.most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.a good friend never judges.a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any.boys aren't worth your tears.we all love surprises.Now... make a wish.Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISHYour wish has just been recieved.Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted
If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, put this into your profile.
THINGS I MUST NOT DO AT HOGWARTS AGAIN:
1. I will NOT sing “We’re off to see The Wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.
2. Dobby is NOT Yoda is disguise.
3. He is NOT Gollum either.
4. I will NOT bring a magic-8-ball to Divination Class.
5. My homework was NOT eaten by a werewolf. Especially when my teacher is Professor Lupin.
6. I will NOT tell the first years to make a tree-house in the Whomping Willow.
7. I will NOT give Lupin a flea collar.
8. Nor will I leave dog-biscuits on his desk.
9. If a classmate falls asleep I will NOT take advantage of this and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
10. Starting a betting-pool on the fate of this year’s Defence against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky. It is NOT a clever money-making concept.
11. I do NOT have a Dalek Patronus.
12. I will NOT teach House-Elves to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks.
13. Shouting “To Infinity and Beyond!” was only funny the first time I took off on a broom.
14. I will NOT refer to the summoning charm (Accio) as “The Force”.
15. “Springtime for Voldemort” is NOT an appropriate title for the school production.
16. I will NOT greet Prof. McGonagall with “What’s new Pussy-cat?”.
17. I will NOT send shampoo to Snape’s office, no matter how badly he needs it.
18. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan.
19. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Death Eaters.
20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "My Little Pony."
21. No matter how funny it is I will NOT leave kitty litter in Prof. McGonagall’s office.
22. I will NOT dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween.
23. I will NOT ask Harry Potter if his “Scar-Senses” are tingling.
24. I will NOT call Dumbledore Santa Claus. Even if it is Christmas.
25. I will NOT tell Voldemort to “Get a life”.
26.I will NOT tell Draco Malfoy to 'make like a ferret and bounce'
27. I will NOT ask Aragog how things are going with his wife, Shelob.
28. I will NOT refer to DADA teachers as canaries in a coal mine.
29. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career aspiration, even for a witch.
30. Providing Peeves with a case of Dungbombs was socially irresponsible and I will never do it again.
31. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles marked ‘Firewhisky’. Charming the label does nothing.
32. The headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, NOT Gandalf.
33. I will stop calling the Weasley twins Merry and Pippin. I must also not call Ron and Harry, Frodo and Sam. I probably shouldn’t call Malfoy, Legolas either.
34. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogwarts, I will not point at the Dark Mark and say; To the Batmobile, Robin.
35. Remember: I am not allowed out of my dorm when Ministry Representatives are in the castle.
36. Taking Polyjuice Potion and walking up to the person you’re supposed to be and pretending to be a walking mirror or their long lost twin can make them go insane and is not a hilarious practical joke.
37. If I see a Dementor I must not hiss ‘Sssssshire...Bagginsss’.
38. The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, pale, blond and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support.
39. I will NOT ask Professor Flitwick where Snow White is.
40. Asking Snape if his sister’s ok after that house fell on her is tasteless and will earn you a month of detention.
41. Shouting “Abracadabra” can be misheard and start a panic.
42. I cannot perform the Avada Kadavra curse, and pretending I can to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
43. When applying for a post at the Ministry, I should not write “Fred and George Weasley” as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. Putting Lord Voldemort is probably not best either.
44. I am no longer to discuss my theory that Voldemort is Sauron’s second cousin.
45. The Bludger is not a bowling ball, and Snape is not a bowling pin. I am not to attempt to disprove this.
In Remembrance to Severus Snape…
Post this if you are a true HP fan
The Harry Potter Pledge:
I promise to remember Harry
When someone grows up with no love
I promise to remember Ron
When someone is jealous
I promise to remember Hermione
When I meet someone with wisdom beyond their years
I promise to remember James and Lily
when someone dies before their time
I promise to remember Dumbledore
At the thought of the greater good
I promise to “Solemely Swear That I Am Up To No Good”
for Gred, Forge, and Padfoot of course
I promise to remember Moony
And fight for human rights
I promise to remember Snape
When My heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Narcissa
When I’d do anything for family
I promise to remember Tonks
When someone is hyper
I promise to remember Hedwig,
who lived and died soaring
I promise to remember Percy
When ambition gets the best of me
I promise to be careful
For Moody’s sake, of course
I promise to remember Hagrid
When one is wrongly blamed
I promise to remember Neville
when I stand up for what is right
I promise to remember the Marauders
When a friend says “Call me and I’ll be there.”
Yes I promise that I will
remember Harry Potter
THIS IS THE DARK MARK.
All Death Eaters, copy and paste it into your profile immediately.
Long live the Dark Lord!
Bellamort. Because Bellatrix and Voldemort do not need to be repressed on top of everything else.
Bellamort. Because evil is sexy.
Bellamort. Because not even the Dark Lord can resist a Black.
Bellamort. Because Slave/Master wouldn't even be role-playing for them.
Bellamort. Because JK Rowling said so.
Bellamort. Because Voldemort screamed.
Bellamort: It's not a tragic romance until both parties have a body count.
Five ways to know obsession with Bellamort has been elevated to "fetish" status
1) You find yourself staring at the snakes at the zoo with a vaguely aroused expression
"They hurt her"
About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.
Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.
If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.
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