PrincessEilonwy
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Joined 12-15-02, id: 310625
Author has written 22 stories for Harry Potter, Foundation, Book of Amber, Lord of the Rings, Series Of Unfortunate Events, Incarnations of Immortality, Young Wizards, Dune, and Orson Scott Card.

Hi! I'm a 19-year-old girl from the U.S. I somewhat resemble Hermione Granger, the main differences being that, unfortunately, I don't own a cat, fortunately, I'm not a witch, and I certainly don't memorize textbooks. My pen name is one of the characters from Lloyd Alexander's books--she's a princess who likes to talk a lot (nothing like me, of course). I'm a rabid sci-fi/fantasy fan and my favorite characters are probably Dors Venabili, Faramir, and Remus Lupin. I mostly do humor, but I do expect to post one or two serious stories...someday.

Authors I like: Douglas Adams, Lloyd Alexander, Piers Anthony, K.A. Applegate, Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, T.A. Barron, Ray Bradbury, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Orson Scott Card, Susan Cooper, Roald Dahl, Diane Duane, Neil Gaiman, Margaret Peterson Haddix, Frank Herbert, E.L. Konigsburg, Ursula K. LeGuin, Madeleine L'Engle, C.S. Lewis, Jacqueline Lichtenberg, Jean Lorrah, Lois Lowry, L.M. Montgomery, Garth Nix, George Orwell, Tamora Pierce, Emily Rodda, J.K. Rowling, Louis Sachar, Lemony Snicket, Jonathan Stroud, J.R.R. Tolkien, Kathy Tyers, Voltaire, H.G. Wells, Timothy Zahn, and Roger Zelazny. I like to read...can you tell?

As usual, my Muses are on vacation at Mount Helicon and the Furies are filling in, so don't be too alarmed at anything in my stories.

I refuse to offer quotes! As an alternative I present Famous Last Words:

"Who would have thought it?" --Edward Braddock (a general in the French & Indian War) on guerrilla warfare

"Texas...Texas...Margaret..." --Sam Houston

Things One Should Never Say

1) I'd like to see you try.

2) You want me? Come and get me!

3) Have I ever steered you wrong?

4) Just watch the pro.

5) What could possibly go wrong?

6) Trust me.

7) Things couldn't get any worse.

And, of course, the ever-popular 8) Look Ma, no hands!

If you find one of these sentences escaping your lips, take cover immediately and hope for the best. If you hear one of these from a friend, run as fast as you can--you don't want to be around when the lightning strikes.

Coming Sometime in the Future: A List of My Favorite Words and What They Mean. (Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Well of Lost WoTs by Ersatz reviews
What is Rand129's secret? What is Mat fiddling with under his coat? Find out in the next limping instalment. Heck, Falme has never looked so good. Rated for pungent oaths and SECS.
Crossover - Wheel of Time & Thursday Next Novels - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 17,846 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/5/2005 - Published: 11/2/2004
Padfoot and Moony Return to HoggywartyHogwarts! by insufficientemotionalfunds reviews
ABANDONED Remus and Sirius return to Hogwarts as the DADA teacher and a security guard. Havoc ensues. Includes Howlers, two Remuses, actors slythering, Padfoot running amuck, and crude werewolf jokes!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 35,788 - Reviews: 428 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 9/4/2004 - Published: 10/6/2002 - Sirius B., Remus L.
Marauding in Scotland by Canis Vimes reviews
The Maruaders go on a school trip to Scotland. Humour. I've finally done chapter four! But it's not very good. Eep. I'm preparing myself for court scene. Ahem. Anyway.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,115 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 11 - Updated: 12/24/2002 - Published: 12/5/2002 - Sirius B., Remus L.
Dissection of the Common WoodElf, Telerius galadh by bryn bnw reviews
Observation and Dissection of the Common Wood-Elf (Telerius galadh). Why do Elves glow? How does an Elf walk on snow? Methods of reproduction? It's Legolas as you've never seen him before.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,055 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/9/2002 - Legolas
What They Fear by Salysha reviews
A spoof on the many fears of the Fellowship. Frodo is the normal one with only a bad case of arachnophobia; it is Aragorn who takes the cake. Involves the whole Fellowship.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,590 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 24 - Updated: 8/26/2002 - Published: 8/24/2002 - Aragorn, Boromir - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Middle Earth at Hogwarts reviews
Soon to be renamed. When tragedy befalls our favorite Lord of the Rings trio, how will they react? Do you really want to know?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,670 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/1/2005 - Published: 1/19/2003
The Deaths of Duncan Idaho reviews
A cross-section of the many (and sometimes very, very AU) deaths of our favorite character. . .
Dune - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,886 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/29/2005 - Published: 7/18/2004
Much Ado About Nothing reviews
Haven't you always wanted to read a Gendibal/Delarmi romance?
Foundation - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,392 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 5/28/2005 - Published: 7/20/2003
A Change of Pace reviews
Golan Trevize desperately needs a vacation from his life on the Far Star. Will the change be for the better?
Foundation - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,188 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/24/2004 - Published: 1/3/2004
The Year Peeves Spiked the Christmas Punch reviews
Much to his dismay, Harry finds that even teachers have secrets, and they're not pretty. NOT SLASH!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,614 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/2/2004 - Published: 1/19/2003 - Harry P., Severus S.
Harry Potter and the Powers That Be reviews
When a young wizard from England invades Nita and Kit's already abnormal lives, will things ever be the same?
Young Wizards - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,019 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/2/2004 - Published: 7/13/2004
Verified Fanfiction Drivel reviews
Isadora and Duncan find something that will change their lives forever--or at least for a few months.
Series Of Unfortunate Events - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,668 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/18/2004 - Published: 7/13/2003
Send in the Clowns reviews
A deeper look into the motivations of Bonzo Madrid.
Orson Scott Card - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 827 - Reviews: 10 - Published: 7/15/2004 - Complete
Writer's Block reviews
What will Irulan do when infected by that most fearsome of diseases?
Dune - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,434 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/14/2004 - Complete
Sirius on the Rum reviews
Oh, what a silly misprint. Of course that's supposed to be run, not rum. After all, we all know Sirius Black would never get drunk, right?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 30,066 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 44 - Updated: 5/31/2004 - Published: 12/27/2002 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
A Simple Solution reviews
In which a short, angstfree solution to the problem of the Dark Lord and the One Ring is implemented.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,499 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/27/2004 - Frodo B., Gandalf - Complete
The Tables Turn reviews
A phrase which here means Nero gets his comeuppance. Do not read this story, as it contains misused letter openers, ignorance of elementary musical terms, and the principal of Prufrock Preparatory Academy.
Series Of Unfortunate Events - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,532 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/19/2004 - Complete
Middle Earth Tours reviews
'Upon the left stands Amon Lhaw, and upon the right is Amon Hen, the Hills of Hearing and Sight.' For all those who thought Aragorn resembled a tour guide in The Fellowship of the Ring. . .
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,599 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 1/3/2004 - Published: 7/9/2003 - Aragorn
To the Roots of His Cerebellum reviews
Second Foundationer Beno Kendast is about to face his toughest challenge yet...
Foundation - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,957 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12/31/2003 - Published: 10/4/2003
With a Twisted Mind reviews
Meet Satyr and Dementia, the Incarnations of Humor and Insanity. Will the major Incarnations be able to deal with the fearsome duo?
Incarnations of Immortality - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,097 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/31/2003 - Published: 11/19/2003
Amber vs Chaos reviews
How Amberites and Lords of Chaos do things differently.
Book of Amber - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,795 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/31/2003 - Published: 3/6/2003
Eight Characters In Search of an Exit reviews
What's worse than a teenage girl in Middle-earth? A group of teenage girls in Middle-earth! Some have memorized parts of the books, some know all there is to know about Legolas, and some are just plain clueless.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,184 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 5 - Updated: 11/17/2003 - Published: 3/30/2003 - Legolas, Frodo B.
Foundation Books in a Page reviews
Short, humorous summaries. Soon to be in some sort of coherent order.
Foundation - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/21/2003 - Published: 12/20/2002
Pony Express reviews
Two Men: Mablung and Damrod. Two ponies: Bill and Stybba. One mission: to collect twenty-first century fanmail and deliver it to the more popular characters!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,360 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 9/8/2003 - Published: 7/15/2003
The True Mary Sue reviews
Who is the mysterious American girl? Why is she really at Hogwarts? And when the heck will she stop following Harry around?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,424 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/8/2003 - Published: 1/26/2003 - Harry P.
The Marauders' Legacy reviews
Important things in the Marauders' lives as kids and later as adults.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,636 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/27/2002 - Remus L., Sirius B.
From the Desk of Arthur Weasley reviews
Memos from Arthur Weasley to various people regarding advice columns, motorcycles, and more.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 456 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/20/2002 - Published: 12/15/2002