Helga Von Nutwimple
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Joined 12-16-02, id: 310776, Profile Updated: 01-16-13
Author has written 33 stories for Friends, Harry Potter, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and Angel.

Howdy, folks.

If this is your first time here, I should warn you: about half of these stories are unfinished. Back when I was heavily into writing fanfic, I was also unaware that I had a scorching case of undiagnosed ADD, and would hopscotch around working on dozens of stories at the same time. Unfortunately, this meant that when my life imploded in 2005, I left behind not so much a body of work as a steaming pile of trailing middles.

Another warning: the changes ff.net made to how they handle special characters have left many of these stories oddly formatted. In particular, the horizontal lines I used to separate scenes with have been magically removed, making for a very confusing read. I'm trying to fix this as I have time, but in the meanwhile, you may prefer to read these stories over on my old Livejournal site, where the original formatting has been preserved:

http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=theohara

There's also a few stories over there that were never archived here.

I'm trying to get my stuff back in order and hopefully even finish some things eventually, but I'm not exactly swimming in free time. If unfinished fics make you want to rip your hair out, you might want to stick to the ones marked complete.

If you would like to yell at me about all this, I have now been suckered into making a Facebook author page.

Thanks!

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Meeting Of The Minds reviews
With the Order's safety hanging on the whim of a lovesick Ron, Snape calls his bluff... and Hermione calls his. Loosely based on the WIKTT Marriage Law Challenge.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 31,389 - Reviews: 1122 - Favs: 1,014 - Follows: 823 - Updated: 2/21/2005 - Published: 6/5/2004 - Severus S., Hermione G.
Two Summers reviews
Buffy finds a way to de-Key Dawn: mixing her blood with Spike's. They flee the country, leaving Spike, Buffybot, & AI to take on Glory and guard the Hellmouth. When they return years later, Dawn & Spike must deal with the consequences of their bond.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 28,054 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 2/18/2005 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Dawn S., Spike
Every Night I Save You reviews
AU Season Six. After Spike jumps off Glory's tower to save her, a mourning Dawn uncovers a mystery. INCOMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,698 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 2/16/2005 - Published: 8/9/2004 - Spike, Dawn S.
Word of Advice reviews
Post-NFA. Meet the newly reformed Angel Investigations in Cleveland, where the god-king receptionist's phone manners leave something to be desired and Angel... has changed. COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,598 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike, Faith L. - Complete
Valentine reviews
Canon-friendly S6 interlude. It's Valentine's Night, and Tara and Spike are both lovelorn and lonely. When they collide trying to find gifts for their screwed-up significant others, they decide to celebrate the holiday together. COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,630 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike, Tara M. - Complete
Two Live As One reviews
Double-drabble. An alternate ending to "The Gift".
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 230 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Faith L., Dawn S.
Choice reviews
Dying in the NFA battle, Charles Gunn is faced with the most horrific decision of his life. COMPLETE.
Angel - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 283 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Charles G. - Complete
Gifts of the Fathers reviews
AtS Season Five. Angel's being tormented by the Ghost of Christmas Present... and his name is William the Bloody. But Spike's not the only vampire with a surprise up his sleeve. COMPLETE.
Angel - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,137 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike, Angel - Complete
Of Interest reviews
By request: Sandman-Buffy crossover. Crazy!Basement!Spike has a visit from an old friend he never knew he had. COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 719 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike - Complete
Throw Stones reviews
By request: A "cut scene" from "Older and Far Away" in which Buffy tries to apologize to Spike for the events of "Dead Things". COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,625 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
All The Colors of the Dawn reviews
Post-NFA. A new Slayer recruit from Los Angeles has a shocking surprise for Dawn. COMPLETE.
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Angel - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,752 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Dawn S., Spike - Complete
Dance reviews
By request: an alternate ending to "The Girl In Question", in which Buffy notices Spike and Angel at the club in Rome. Spuffy. COMPLETE.
Angel - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,444 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Complete
Acquired Tastes reviews
Spike and Ilona Costa Bianchi have a little chat about condiments. COMPLETE.
Angel - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 556 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike - Complete
Home Improvement reviews
With no place to go after "Tabula Rasa", a desperate Tara crashes with Spike - a "temporary" arrangement which spawns a friendship that will change the destinies of everyone around them. COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,912 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 20 - Published: 2/16/2005 - Spike, Tara M. - Complete
Out of the Blue reviews
Buffy and Willow come to W&H to warn Fred about Illyria, only to discover that Angel's come down with a bad case of puppet and a certain peroxided vampire isn't quite as dead as they thought.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,804 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 21 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Buffy S., Spike
And Other Danzig Songs reviews
When Spike confesses that he faked his chip firing in "Family", he and Tara band together to uncover her true demonic origins. INCOMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 952 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Spike, Tara M.
Returning The Favor reviews
Spike gets a great deal of unwanted assistance from his least favorite member of the military. COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,381 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Spike, Riley F. - Complete
Once More With Spiking reviews
When Spike and Willow's agreement to send him a week back in time to stop the events in "Seeing Red" backfires, Spike finds himself trapped in Season Two and an ethical minefield.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,684 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 59 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Spike
Lover's Knot reviews
When Spike visits Anya for a numbing spell (6x18, "Entropy"), Cecily-Halfrek offers him a deal instead; she will rid him of his love for Buffy if he performs Anya's wish against Xander. When Spike agrees, it changes everything...
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,066 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 10/18/2004 - Published: 7/21/2004 - Buffy S., Spike
As The Romans Do reviews
Post AtS finale. The Scoobies arrive to save the Fang Gang, but the final battle is just the beginning. Split up and on the run, the combined casts discover that their pasts may be just as perilous as their futures. INCOMPLETE.
Crossover - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer & Angel - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 66,655 - Reviews: 524 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 10/6/2004 - Published: 7/4/2004
Tangled Web reviews
When Drusilla is sucked into Acathla's hell along with Angelus, Spike and Buffy must maintain their reluctant partnership to rescue their respective loves.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,099 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 9/2/2004 - Published: 9/1/2004 - Spike, Buffy S.
Present Perfect reviews
You can't always get what you want... unless, of course, you're drinking with a vengeance demon. However, Buffy soon discovers that perfection carries a heavy price. Wildly AU after 'Tabula Rasa'.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,004 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/20/2004 - Published: 8/14/2004 - Buffy S., Spike
The Returning reviews
Three years after Buffy's death, the Scoobies have built a strange new life without her... until Giles discovers the real reason their attempt to resurrect Buffy didn't work; someone else beat them to it. AU after Season Five (5x22, "The Gift").
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,928 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 8/9/2004 - Published: 7/23/2004 - Spike, Tara M.
Out Of Time reviews
A Time-Turner Story. Hermione Granger has always stood up for the underdog, but when an accident sends her 20 years into the past, she finds her sympathies lie in strange places...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,617 - Reviews: 263 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 6/2/2004 - Published: 5/29/2004 - Hermione G., Severus S.
Right In Front Of Me reviews
When Ross returns from China with Julie, Rachel does something -- and someone -- unexpected. Warning: Strong sexual themes, strong language, and constant nicotine abuse.
Friends - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 39,887 - Reviews: 365 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 2/6/2004 - Published: 11/18/2003
The Tribbiani Trifecta reviews
Monica and Chandler -- soulmates? Phoebe sure doesn't think so. As their wedding day approaches, Phoebe hatches Her Ultimate Plan... but what is she really up to?
Friends - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,359 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/16/2003 - Published: 12/16/2002
The One With The Eighties reviews
Janice's questions about the group's origins reveal a surprising history between Phoebe and Chandler.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,470 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 9/16/2003 - Published: 1/23/2003
The Other Gold reviews
Trapped in a loveless marriage, Monica returns to New York to get her old life back. However, she soon finds that the friends - and loves - she left behind have changed in dramatic ways. A companion piece to "Hanging By A Moment".
Friends - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,732 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/14/2003 - Published: 9/11/2003
The Last Singlecorn reviews
When Joey becomes the only single Friend, the others try to pair him off... with unexpected consequences.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,509 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/13/2003 - Published: 9/11/2003
Hanging By A Moment reviews
Monica Becker returns to New York and finds that everything's changed... or has it? As she confronts her conflicting memories, she takes a surreal trip through the other things that are. A companion piece to "The Other Gold". INCOMPLETE.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,521 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/10/2003 - Published: 9/7/2003
Can't Go Home Again reviews
2008. Years after the finale, a funeral reunites the Friends, offering them a chance to fix the mistakes of their past. Chandler-centric. COMPLETE.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 74,523 - Reviews: 303 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/31/2003 - Published: 1/29/2003 - Chandler B. - Complete
The One With Chandler's Date reviews
A gauntlet is thrown. A challenge is accepted. And Chandler's wearing a towel. WARNING: Sexual themes, minor slash.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,389 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 5/11/2003 - Published: 2/15/2003
The One With The Surprise Party reviews
Phoebe's birthday generates bigger surprises than anyone had anticipated.
Friends - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 892 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/15/2003