Undead Raptor
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Joined 08-01-11, id: 3120651, Profile Updated: 04-10-13
Author has written 13 stories for Happy Tree Friends, EndWar, Halo, Star Wars, Half-Life, Doctor Who, Elder Scroll series, Grand Theft Auto, War of the Worlds, and Call of Duty.


Why hello there, how are you? I can't hear you and I don't care. No I do! I don't.

Oh I'm sorry, that's just my automated greeting that my profile plays when someone arrives. Now I'll write this to make a more personal message. Well you made it through the minefield that is the Internet, and you stumbled across this page! Or maybe you were seeking this page, and after a long quest to find it you have reached your goal! Congratulations! Now go home.

I understand these are difficult times for fanfics. We're cursed with being bogged down in Twilight, cheesy Happy Tree Friends love stories between Flaky and Flippy (though there are some amazing HTFs out there, I point to one called Orange Juice in particular. Read it damn you!), the Russian Roulette that is iCarly fanfics and of course... the worst crossovers ever. Michael Bay is spinning in the grave I made him, I've seen Transformers cross over with Halo, Ace Combat with Harry Potter and even Call of Duty with My Little Pony. Now granted some can and will be executed well, but I mean seriously.

I'm a depressing guy to be around. My voice is the number one cause of suicides, I am directly responsible for 450,000 suicides every second.

It has come to my attention that some authors are disobeying/ignoring the rules of this website. And, because I view myself as someone reasonably important (above the average Peasant -not pheasant, but they count too), I'm gonna stick my big nose in and sneeze this out for ya:

Here are a few of the rules that are being ignored (probably):

You are forbidden to write your stories using a SCRIPT format. That is not a story. It is a play (like Macbeth, or The Simpsons). Is this so hard to understand? (Shh, it's okay - took me some time too).

You are forbidden to write stories about REAL PEOPLE in an unrelating fandom. That's right. No 'Jonas Brothers', actors/actresses or famous authors (namely JK. Rowling). Honestly, people. Although, some fanfic "authors" have really managed to pull it off, so... go figure?

You are forbidden to write 'interactive/choose your adventure/truth or dare' kinds of stories. They're not fanfiction. And they usually suck ass. Ass isn't nice to suck. Probably.

I hope that this information is helpful. I would hate anyone's work to be deleted by admin (ouch). If I see you violating any of these rules, it is 99 percent sure that I WILL inform you in a review (if I can get off my ass and reach over my cluttered desk to the keyboard, that is). Don't bother sending me sad PM's if I tell you you're wrong for breaking the UNBREAKABLE LAW OF FANFICTION. I don't give a shit. I'll give you a carrot, though.

The Angriest Reviewer Ever

I'm serious. This a real review I found while browsing lazily around the world of fanfiction. Now, before you judge it too harshly, hear me out - this review was obviously written during a moment of great passion, and personally, I found it heart-warming and funny. And I just knew somebody like you (you sensitive soul, you!) would be able to appreciate the delicate humour and subtlety! Oh, and before you jump in, please beware, sugarpies: this review has a LOT of foul language (all the more endearing!). I ask that all mothers and underage kiddies look away. I do not wish to poison your fresh minds with this... deviance.


"Pay the fuck attention, Bitch! Go fuck yourself, you son of a bitchy, ugly, gay slut!! I fucking hate you shit-face cunt! I wish you would stop writing these fucking stupid, moronic, bitchy, shitty stories, you piece of crap!! When I read you stories I want to fucking go to France, find you, and fucking beat the shit out of you! You ugly whore! Go lick the shit out you ass, like you always do, ya bitch! you fat bitch, yeah I said you fat, yeah I said your fat, your a fat bitch! Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you with something hard and sand-papery! How dare you ruin my favourite story with you complete piece of shit! Fuck you, you fat Bitch! You fucking whore!! You Prostitute!! I heard you fucked your friends of the same gender of you!! Your a embarrassment to your country!" - An Uncredited Poet


Now, here's the happy "PaP" version! All the parts I've 'fixed' are in normal writing like this! (not like this)

"Pay the appropriate amount of attention, man! Go probe yourself, you son of a doggish, visually unimpressivehappy entrepreneur!! I really dislike your poopy-face, fool! I wish you would stop writing these jolly sillysillydoggishsomewhat awful stories, you piece of poop!! When I read your stories I want to spontaneously go to France, find you, and severely cause you harm! You ugly entrepreneur! Go lick the poop out your bottom, like I assume you always do, ya unpleasant female personYou big-boned metaphorical girl-dog - yeah, I said you're plumpand yeah a second time, I said you're robustand just to be perfectly clear, you're still a tubby girl-dog in a purely metaphorical senseProbe you, probe you, probe you with something hard and sand-papery! How dare you ruin my favourite story with your complete piece of poop? Probe you, you chubby bad girl! You fornicating entrepreneur!! You prostitute!! I heard you serviced your friends of the same gender as you!! You're an embarrassment to your country!" - PaP remix

I think it's better this way. :3

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Nikku Chan by DistantTwelve reviews
After answering a few questions bugging her mind, Sena comes out of the closet in front of the Neighbors Club, with a specific goal in her mind. Yozora.
Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,585 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 4/22/2013 - Published: 10/5/2011 - Sena, Yozora
Zombie Town by old leg reviews
An unlikely group team up together to fight for survival in an abandoned town overrun by mindless rampaging zombies. Will they ever get back home? How long can they survive? Soon enough all will be revealed...not really COD, Violence/Language/Gore
Call of Duty - Rated: T - English - Horror/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,127 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/7/2011 - Published: 12/4/2011
9 Knackered Souls by DrIvoRobotnik reviews
MLP:FiM and RVB crossover. Post RvB revelation. After a freak accident sends them to Equestria, the Red and Blue teams must join forces with ponyville to find a way back home and defeat an old nemesis. Rated T for swearing and violence
Crossover - My Little Pony & Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 46,813 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 10/2/2011 - Published: 4/7/2011 - Complete
Violence Fetish by FreudTastic reviews
Evil Flippy decides it's finally time to kill off Flaky and rid himself of Flippy's control of him. But it seems he always has other ideas than murder when it comes to her. FlippyxFlaky/Evil FlippyxFlaky Oneshot. Don't like, don't read.
Happy Tree Friends - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,435 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 15 - Published: 4/3/2011 - Flippy, Flaky - Complete
Lesson of Death by MyCookieJar reviews
Trapped in their school by an unexplainable infection, a bunch of teenagers must finally come to learn the most valuable lesson in life- a lesson of death.
28 Days Later - Rated: T - English - Horror/Suspense - Chapters: 12 - Words: 19,191 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/12/2011 - Published: 12/3/2010 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Reclaimers: The Day of Discovery reviews
Humanity comes across the remnants of the Forerunners not in the 2500s, but in 2016. Results may vary.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,117 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 4/7/2016 - Published: 4/6/2016
War of the Worlds: A Century Too Late reviews
The Martians swept over England with ease when the greatest human defence was cumbersome, antiquated artillery. Would they have had such luck if they arrived a century later?
War of the Worlds - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Suspense - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,813 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/1/2016 - Published: 1/30/2016
Flaky and Flippy reviews
Flippy's evil self demands the spilling of innocent blood on a daily basis. But there is one that he craves the blood of more than any other. Flaky. But Flaky, the girl they call a coward... can she fight back?
Happy Tree Friends - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 14 - Words: 17,216 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 9/20/2013 - Published: 8/4/2011 - Flaky, Flippy
The Age of War reviews
Doctor Who meets Halo in the Fall of Reach. May or may not be completed, who knows?
Crossover - Doctor Who & Halo - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,583 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 11/22/2012 - Published: 9/27/2011 - 11th Doctor, SPARTAN-B312/Noble Six
PMC reviews
My vision of the next Grand Theft Auto game. Set in 2017 in which ultracorporations now wield almost unlimited power, a new type of warfare has emerged. Kestrel is an agent in the war between the Eclipse and Cerberus corporations. But in a war motivated purely by wealth and the greed of the 1%, all is not as it seems. Please review. Warning: Strong language
Grand Theft Auto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 18,896 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/7/2012 - Published: 8/2/2012
Brilliant Choas reviews
Inspired by the Hunger Games books, this is a story of two teenagers as they journey across unknown lands to stop a Daedra invasion
Elder Scroll series - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 980 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/10/2011
A Real Spartan reviews
Comedy Halo oneshot about the relationship between a Spartan and an ODST.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 598 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/3/2011 - Master Chief/John-117, Rookie
The Seven Hour War reviews
The war of Half Life fame told from a literary perspective. Please review! Please, I am poor.
Half-Life - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,974 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 8/30/2011
Descent Of Intent: Halo & Call of Duty Crossover reviews
I love Call of Duty and Halo, so I figured they should meet! Why the hell not?
Crossover - Halo & Call of Duty - Rated: T - English - Drama/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,191 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 8/27/2011 - Published: 8/4/2011 - Prophet of Truth, J. Ramirez
The Republic Vs The UNSC reviews
Two massive armies clash. The UNSC and the Galactic Republic battle in a new war unlike anything either side have seen before.
Crossover - Star Wars & Halo - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,033 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 15 - Published: 8/21/2011 - Stormtroopers, Gravemind
The story of the holy world Planet Faith and the return of the Forerunners to defend this planet's secrets from the Covenant. My most ambitious story yet. Please review!
Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 310 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/11/2011 - Gravemind, Arbiter
One Step Backwards
A short story following German soldier Ulrich as he participates in fighting the opening stage of the Russian invasion of Italy.
EndWar - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,865 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/3/2011 - Complete
Flaky's Nightmare Happy Tree Friends Oneshot reviews
Flaky has always been seen as a shy, timid character that retreats at the sight of violence. But a voice inside Flaky yearns to be set free and soon all shall see who and what she really is.
Happy Tree Friends - Rated: T - English - Horror/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,608 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/3/2011 - Flaky, Giggles - Complete