Weirdawesomechick
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Joined 08-06-11, id: 3135194, Profile Updated: 07-08-13
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.

Some funny stuff courtesy of iamawesomerthanyou16 and his awesome profile:

Really Dumb Store labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".
(No comment.)


19 things to do in Wal-Mart

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look."

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go."

16. Run through the food aisles, opening up random packages and screaming, "This is the best buffet ever!!"

17. Hold both your arms out in front of you, one angled up and one angled down. Open and close them and make the Pac-Man chomping noise. Run away whenever someone gets close to you. Eventually, grab a yo-yo in your hands, then drop it and chase after people.

18. Approach a worker and report, "Excuse me? I gave my car to your vallet parking person, and he left! When he comes back, can you call me?" Provide him with the licence plate number and phone number of your best friend.

19. Find two teenagers who appear to be a couple. Approach the one of your opposite sex and scream, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU DIRTY CHEAT!" Slap the person, then angrily storm off.


22 Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.


20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, Copy And Paste This Onto Your Profile.

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Soul Scars by ShayaLonnie reviews
"Scars can come in handy." — Magic gives the gift of a soulmate. Separated by war, alliances, beliefs, and blood, but connected by skin. What if you shared the scars of the person that magic has given you? What if you really, really wished that you didn't? — Multi-Pairings, Semi-Canon, Rated M for violence, language and the possibility of sexual content.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 64,556 - Reviews: 2762 - Favs: 685 - Follows: 537 - Updated: 5/20 - Published: 4/30 - Complete
In Another Life by marana1 reviews
She walked over to the huge, full-length mirror. Staring back was her eleven-year-old self but with long, beautiful, silky platinum blonde hair and pale skin. Hermione ran her fingers through her hair, the reality of the situation sinking in. The fairy hadn't just made them switch places for a day... she sent them back in time and switched their lives. DM X HG. EWE.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 136,343 - Reviews: 1040 - Favs: 671 - Follows: 1,049 - Updated: 10/19/2014 - Published: 8/16/2012 - Draco M., Hermione G.
I See Not Your Face by TazoClarity reviews
Lily/James/Harry with plenty of complication. Harry gets a little more than he bargained for when he looks into the Mirror of Erised. His desire for his parents might be so deep that he's fallen into a place in the past where his parents are alive and whole…and have no idea who he is. Mostly takes place Marauder's Era, but Harry's right in the thick of it.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 27,174 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 3/27/2014 - Published: 3/12/2014 - Harry P., James P., Lily Evans P.
Prayer of the Young Refugee by Miz636 reviews
"We will fight or we will fall... Born in this world as it all falls apart..." "Keep quiet no longer, we'll sing through the day, of the lives that we've lost, and the lives we've reclaimed." Inspired by "Young" and "Prayer of the Refugee." AU. One-Shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,867 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/17/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
The Original Naked Quidditch Match by Evilgoddss reviews
When a Magical game of Truth & Dare goes wrong, the Gryffindor Quidditch team must 'bare' up and face the consequences. And as the news spreads like wildfire in mmail things get quite out of control.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,510 - Reviews: 825 - Favs: 3,602 - Follows: 651 - Published: 7/29/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
The Yule Ball reviews
A One-shot (most likely) of Hermione's inner monologue after Ron's obnoxious behavior at the Yule Ball. She's always been defined by her intelligence, but for once she was the pretty one who the famous Viktor Krum wanted to go out with, and Ron ruined her night, so she's fretting about it. Rated because I'm paranoid about light swearing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,214 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/30 - Hermione G.