Name: I go by many names, pesky little peoples, but you may call me... Carly.
Key to my Evil Plans: Hi, ya'll, this is EternityInYourArms. Since my twin (ya, the one I mentioned on my profile) doesn't care what I put on her profile, I figure I've got free reign to air all her dastardly deeds. Huh... her new penname abbreviates to S.M... HAH! You chuckled! You're mind was in the gutter! I got ya'll there!
Without the gutter, my mind would be homeless. (that's my motto and I'm sticking to it)
I'm the type of person who would spend hours trying to drown a fish.
When my friend calls up and says "That jerk cheated on me!" There is only one thing to be known: "I am a Vegas-girl. The desert is my playground."
If a pregnant lady demands to know why you're staring, just say that you're whale watching.
Why is it that when I put a knife by my bed it's called being "paranoid", but when a man does it it's "being prepared"?
"Thundaga'd your ass, didn't I, bitch!" (this was all me! Stupid Final Fantasy Tactics and their annoying Mid-Bosses! That was cheating, damn you!)
I can only please one person a day. Today isn't your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
One: People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
The person who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Behind every successful man is a woman saying "soon".
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
'oh shit your going to try and cheer me up aren't you?'
Last night, as I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whoever you're trying to hit.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day..
In theory, everything works.
Do unto others before they do unto to you.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"
Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
Don't take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.
Will temporarily rule the world, forever.
Your ridiculus little opinion has been noted.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
"Dear Santa, I can explain..."
I have too much blood in my alcohol system (my best bud Jaime gave me this one. Thank you, my fine furry Texan!)
It's lonely at the top... but you eat better!
If a man speaks in the middle of the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Therapy is expensive... popping bubble wrap is cheap.
"I'm not as random as you think I salad."
Would you like a side of "epic" with that "fail"?
I hate it when the Little Voices argue with my imaginary friends.
My imaginary friend think you have serious problems.
Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself.
If a turtle loses his shell is he naked... or homeless?
"Moo! I'm a fish!"
Never go to bed angry... stay awake and plot your revenge
"Sorry I'm late. I got into a fight with my rice krispies. I distinctly heard "Snap! Crackle!" and "Bring it, bitch!""
Sometimes revenge is as simple as chocolax and superglue (this one is a 100% original... from our twisted minds!)
There are three types of people you don't piss off, Custom Officials, Air Marshals, and Police Officers. Because, they say funny things like 'Cavity Search'.
Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey
"Lycra-man!!" (This one I blame on Bethany. We were watching American Horror Story, and... well... that bondage suit... Lycra-man sounds better than RubberMan anyway)
"When the husband is away, Lycra-man will play!" (Now this was just silliness... just plain silliness.)
Q:What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
"Paddy," asked the barmaid, "what are those two bulges in the front of your trousers?"
How do you sink an Irish submarine?
What's the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who SAW any snakes!
Sean was fishing and it started to rain, so he moved under the bridge for shelter. His pal McGinty saw him and called, "Sean, me boy, are ye afeared of a few spots o' rain, now?" Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter."
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, "When I'm
Jayne: sees Inara lead a woman to her shuttle "I'll be in my bunk." (Firefly, ep. Idon'trememberatthemoment)
Doc: "Why, Kate, you're not wearing a bustle. How lewd!!" (Tombstone!! Doc rules!)
Cassandra: "There's only one reason Christian girls come down to Planned Parenthood."
Bill: "I will never understand what joy a grown man gets using a $1,000 weapon to blow the face off a cute little dear." (From Slither. I share my twins love of Nathan Fillion)
Wally: "Surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long."
Bill: "Shelby, you gonna create a hysteria?"
Jack: "Bitch is hardcore." (again from Slither)
Blackwolf: to Gideon "You look like a college professor." to Reid "You look like his student." to Hotch "You look like FBI." (Criminal Minds, 1.16 The Tribe)
Hotch draws his gun
Hotch, JJ and Reid are talking to Garcia via phone
JJ: "If anything happens to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy makes it into Yale."
Okay, I'm just going to say this cuz I can't stand it anymore! I am a twin, and it is something I am proud of. I have an identical twin sister, and being on fanfiction.net I have learned that there are many out there that approve -and even enjoy!- writing fanfiction that includes incest and something called "twincest". I speak for myself, but I hope other twins out there agree with me, that this form of fanfiction is disgusting and offensive. Now, those authors of such fanfiction I hold nothing against, but unless they are, themselves, twins then they cannot hope to understand whatever bond a twin holds with their other half. And I mean this in a completely innocent way, though some sick person out there may misunderstand the bond a twin shares with their fraternal -or identical in my case- sibling.
(You know, I share my twins sentiments on this subject. I'm far from perfect -as Bethany happily points out often- but that doesn't mean that I'm anything less than what I am. Worry about your own "fire and damnation" and I'll see to mine... so nyah!)
Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Caribbean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that damned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread.
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