Hello. If you are here you are either curious about me or you're lost. If its option #2, please press your 'Back' button until you reach a page you recognize and continue on your way. If, however, you wish to know about me... you may continue to read this. Me... I'm a twenty-something year old writer and stay-at-home parent with a strong love for my family, God, and fictional stories. Some of my favorite shows (past and present) are: Supernatural, Doctor Who, White Collar, Psych, Stargate SG-1, and X-Files. My favorite author is Stephan King. I write for Supernatural and tend to do Dean-centric somewhat angsty, action and character based fics.

I hope everyone has enjoyed my little road trips.

I would like to thank everyone who has supported me with reviews and especially my regulars who have followed all my stories. Thanks guys!

If anyone is interested in finding me on tumblr my name there is whatuseeintheshadows

I'd like to recommend a Supernatural fic that I've enjoyed reading very much. The first one is 'The Burden of Being Me and You' by Aecoris and there is currently a sequel being posted called 'Roads Untraveled'. They are Demon Dean fics set in alternate season 4 situations and are really great brotherly bond type of stories. If you're looking for something to read, and this sounds like your type of thing, give it a shot.

Look below for a summary of chapters 1-160 my story-in-progress If I Knew Then What I Knew Now. I wrote this to help remind readers of what has happened since this story is so long. Chapter #s are listed for each plot point so you can look them up for more info.

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The Road So Far… (DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN'T READ UP TO CHAPTER 160!)

It’s the year 2012 (early season 8) and Dean Winchester is dying. He’s lost almost everyone he’s ever cared about including his brother and now is bleeding to death from wounds sustained by a battle with demons. But Cas comes and says he has an offer. He can send Dean back to prevent everything from happening, but that Dean would have to remain there… (CHAPTER:1)

Dean wakes in his 4yr old body on the evening November 2nd, 1983. He has his duffle bag filled with the demon killing knife, the Colt, other weapons, the journal, his long lost amulet that Sam had given him, and some photos. Grabbing the Colt he goes and lets his mom know that Sam is in danger. Together they kill Azazel but not without Dean getting killed by the demon. His father runs into the room and Cas appears as well. Cas heals Dean but when John freaks out the angel knocks John out. Mary is told the truth. The next morning John is told as well. Meg and her brother attack and are fought off. It takes a while for everyone to come to terms with their new reality. It’s decided that they will learn to hunt as Castiel informs them that certain events/hunts need to take place and that demons/angels will be after Dean. (Cas cannot use healing/exorcism powers because they will attract other angels and he needs to hide. Him using them to bring Dean back that first time was risky enough) Dean’s Hell memories overwhelm him at nights and Cas needs to accompany him into his dreams to help push them away. (CHAPTERS:1-15)

Alastair attacks Dean at a birthday party wanting to know why the plans for the apocalypse were derailed and what makes Dean so different. He breaks Dean’s arm and pushes him from a window after promising to torture him further next time they meet. (CHAPTERS:17-20)

The Winchesters go to Bobby and end up telling him the full truth. He gives them a ‘trial hunt’. (CHAPTERS:23-25)

They take on a salt and burn that goes off pretty well, although they need to learn to trust each other and work as a team. (CHAPTERS:26-32)

(Dean is now 5)After a werewolf hunt, they run into Bill Harvelle and then visit the Roadhouse. They tell the Harvelles that Dean is hunting because he’s a target for demons. While there, Gordon shows up, leading vampires to them. They fight them off. But Cas gets a feeling that the timeline is off and Gordon wasn’t supposed to be there. When Dean and Cas go to investigate, they find a truck full of hunters that Gordon should’ve encountered to help him, but they are dead. They were possessed by demons and then killed by an angel. While there, Michael shows up in a random host body. He offers Dean a deal; he’ll help keep Dean safe from demons if Dean will agree help him when he’s older. Dean turns the offer down. (CHAPTERS:34-40)

At Sammy’s 1st birthday party, Alastair shows up outside where Dean is pushing his brother on the swing and wraps the chain around Dean’s neck. With the help of Mary and Cas, he escapes with minor injuries and Cas transports the family to Bobby’s house. Bobby, John, and Cas go back after to protect the house better. (CHAPTERS:41-44)

Lilith orders Alastair to stand down. She’ll take over watching the Winchesters. (CHAPTER:45)

Missouri shows up at their door, sensing the protection they put up and she learns the truth. She agrees to help in any way she can. (CHAPTER:45)

Dean begins kindergarten and his teacher thinks he’s a child genius after catching him writing. It is planned that he’ll do first grade work during class and if he passes a test he can skip to second grade the following year. (CHAPTERS:47-48)

On a hunt, the Winchesters encounter a demon. Dean is knocked out and suffers his Hell memories. When the demon wakes him from them, he’s mentally stuck in Hell still and viciously kills it. The he turns on his dad who locks him in the bathroom until Cas arrives and brings him out of it. Dean is traumatized from this event and suffers from Hell hallucinations for a long time afterwards even though he tries to hide them for a few weeks. Dean also has a small scar on the right side of his face from that hunt. He eventually does get a handle on the mental issues though. (CHAPTERS:49-55)

(Dean is 7) Dean and his family are staying with Bobby looking into what they all think is a case of spirit possession. But it turns out to be a shapeshifter and it takes John’s shape, knocks John out, traps Cas in holy oil and injures him, tricks Dean away from Mary, puts Bobby and Sammy in the panic room, and then tortures Dean. Bobby gets Sam out through a tiny escape hatch and the little boy warns Mary, who frees Cas and John. John rescues Dean. In the aftermath, Pastor Jim shows up and at first thinks that Dean is an abused child, but Dean informs him that he’s a hunter and that demons are after him. (CHAPTERS:56-66)

Dean goes on a wendigo hunt with the Harvelles, Cas, and Mary and his hunting abilities get him called into question by the Harvelles. (By this point, it’s stated that his hallucinations are mostly under control.) (CHAPTERS:67-70)

(Dean is 7-8) Dean skips another grade and is in 4th grade. He goes on a ocras hunt with his family and starts to make friends with a girl named Emily in his school. (CHAPTERS:71-73)

(Dean is 9) Sammy starts kindergarten and is kidnapped by Gordon to be used as leverage to get Dean to work a job with him. Dean goes and while at the house battling vampires, Dean figures out that Sammy is being kept in the trunk of Gordon’s car and when the older hunter threatens Sammy’s life, Dean injures him severely and pushes him down the stairs right into the hungry vampire leader, who kills Gordon. Dean lets Sammy out of the trunk but they are attacked by the vampire and Dean kills it. They go to a house nearby to use a phone and the people in the hose become possessed and attack. Cas shows up and saves them. The Winchesters piece together that Gordon was tricked by Lilith into using a symbol that attracted demons and there was another that had hidden the boys from Cas while in the car. Sam now knows about the supernatural, but they still don’t tell him the truth about Dean. During one of Sam’s nightmares of the incident, Dean has Cas bring him into Dean’s dream to allow him to sleep well. (CHAPTERS:74-83)

The Winchesters fear that Lilith may be in Dean’s school watching him but Dean doesn’t want to do anything to tip her off and force her hand. (CHAPTERS:84-85)

On Halloween night, Dean invites his friend from school, Emily, to go trick or treating with him and Sammy. While out, he and Cas sense someone in a group of kids watching him but they don’t know who. When they get back and Sammy goes to bed, they sit back to watch a horror movie but the power goes out. It’s Lilith. When John comes downstairs holding the Colt, Emily sees the gun and since she’s already scared, she runs from the house and is pulled into an alley by Lilith. Dean shows up to help her but is injured. Cas and John arrive and after a bit of back and forth, they manage to kill Lilith. But not before it’s mentioned that Dean is the ‘Righteous Man’. Emily, confused and scared, goes home. (CHAPTERS:89-91)

Zachariah confronts Dean at school, pissed that he and his family killed Lilith and further derailed the apocalypse. (CHAPTER:92)

John tries to get answers from Dean on what the whole ‘Righteous Man’ thing is, but Dean is afraid to tell the whole truth because he thinks his parents will reject him if they know what he’s done. He runs from the house to escape for a while and ends up talking to Emily, who has decided that she’s nervous of the supernatural, but not of Dean. After that talk, he tells his parents a little, but keeps the ‘worst’ details to himself. (CHAPTERS:93-94)

Meanwhile, in Heaven, Michael informs the other angels that they can watch the Winchesters, but are not to harm them. He’s upset by the way that the other angels are acting. He also states that maybe if the apocalypse is being derailed, that that is their Father’s will. Or perhaps things will work out on their own. Either way, he issues a ‘hands off’ order. (CHAPTER:94)

Dean goes on a zombie hunt with his parents, Cas, Bobby, Pastor Jim, and Caleb (his first meeting with Caleb). Afterwards they gather at the Roadhouse. Pastor Jim figures out Cas is an angel but promises not to tell. (CHAPTERS:95-97)

(Dean is 10) Dean and Cas track down Gabriel (w/out telling anyone else) and trap him. Gabriel recognizes Cas. Dean tells Gabriel the truth about himself and requests that the archangel join their ‘team’. He says that they’d call on him when something big was up. He reveals how badly things could go and that he knows that Gabriel doesn’t like how things are with his siblings. Gabriel escapes without giving an answer. (CHAPTERS:99-102)

(Dean is 12) A guy that was traumatized as a child when his family was killed by a monster is torturing and killing hunters and their sons. When John investigates, Dean gets kidnapped and then John is taken as well. Both are tortured until they manage to kill the guy. Since Dean’s kidnapping was seen and reported to the police, Mary calls in their location and two cops show up. (CHAPTERS:103-107)

Both John and Dean are unconscious and rushed to the hospital (they are in New Mexico). One of the cops, Scott Anderson, senses Cas there even though he is invisible, and later feels Zachariah’s presence right before the angel appears outside and asks about where Dean Winchester is. Anderson gets a bad feeling about Zachariah and lies to him. The angel threatens the cop and disappears when Anderson turns away. Anderson goes to the hospital (he was ordered by superiors who don’t like him to wait there until John and Dean are recovered enough to give statements) and relays exactly what happened to Mary, who arrived there very quickly with Sam. He recognizes Cas’ presence when they meet. Mary allows Sam to accompany Anderson to the cafeteria and they are confronted by Zachariah and Raphael. When Anderson tries to protect Sam and is almost killed, Michael intervenes, but only shows without a vessel (loud sounds/blinding light/etc). Anderson protects Sam but he himself is unaffected and can hear Michael’s words and sort of see his true self. Mary tells Anderson about the supernatural. Dean wakes up and talks with his mom and Anderson to try and figure out why Michael would help them. A demon shows up to find out why angels were there and plans to possess Anderson to get to Dean, but Mary had given the cop an anti-possession charm so the demon tortures and then tries to kill him. Cas saves him and kills the demon. (Anderson’s right arm is severely injured in that confrontation). John wakes and later they are released from the hospital. (CHAPTERS:108-119)

Dean discovers that a demon has been asking around about him and might want to make a deal. Emily is attacked by a demon and Dean saves her. (CHAPTERS:122-123)

Dean starts high school. He ends up helping out when girls end up getting hurt/killed at the school. It turns out to be witchcraft and Dean saves the remaining targets. (CHAPTERS:125-134)

Sam asks about training to hunt for his own protection. Dean agrees and the family starts to train him. (CHAPTER:126)

(Dean is 13) Dean is teaching Sammy to shoot out back at Bobby’s when Rufus leads a couple of creatures back there. The boys work together to get back inside and then Dean helps the other hunter kill the creature. (CHAPTER:135-139)

(Dean is 14) There’s a meeting called at the Roadhouse when Pamela Barnes’ father says he has info on angels. The Harvelles, Winchesters, Bobby, Pastor Jim, Caleb, Missouri, Scott Anderson, Pamela and her father are all there. But Pamela’s father has been tricked by Uriel and leads the angel to them. Uriel is there to kill most of them and retrieve a couple important ‘players’. He has two angels as backup. Uriel kills Pamela’s father and when he tries to kill her, Anderson steps between them. Uriel tries to smite Anderson but the power doesn’t work on the policeman and Anderson even pulls some power from him. But Gabriel picks that moment to arrive and state that he’s helping. When Uriel makes a move, Gabriel kills him. Cas takes out one of the other angels, but when the final one threatens Jo, Gabe tells Anderson to stop him. Anderson rips the angel’s grace from him and Bill Harvelle shoots and kills the angel with a shotgun. Gabriel explains that he’s heard that the angels are determined to get the apocalypse back on track even though Michael has said to leave things alone. The others are even working with demons. He also says that Anderson can do the stuff he can because he’s a descendant of some special humans created by God to protect humanity from angels if they ever got out of control. Only archangels know about them and can see them for what they are (except for Raphael, who had a very small part of his grace drained). But Anderson is the only one left due to the Raphael leading some angels to wipe them out long ago. Gabriel had thought that there was none left until now. These special people could sense angels and their intentions, could drain their grace if the angels were actively using their powers (and later use the grace but only as a one time thing) , perceive angels true form, and no angel powers could touch them. While everyone was still in the bar, a very large group of demons (attracted by the angels) attack. The group successfully fights them off. (CHAPTERS:141-146)

While on a picnic with Emily and her family, Dean meets up with Crowley. They make a ‘deal’ to help each other. Crowley will give Dean any information he learns and Dean will make certain that the apocalypse doesn’t happen. (CHAPTERS:147-148)

The Winchesters take a vacation/hunting trip on a lake in Maine. Dean ends up injured and hallucinating and speaks of Hell and stuff in front of Sam. Cas kills the creature. Sam questions Dean who admits that he’s been to Hell but refuses to reveal the truth about himself to his brother. (CHAPTERS:149-155)

Dean goes on a simple and successful hunt with his parents and Cas. Meanwhile, Sam spends the time hanging out with Anderson, who had to move to away from his home and closer to them for his own protection (his secret about what he is is safe for the moment but if it was ever found out the angels would kill him). Gabriel drops in to inform them that the angels are looking around. (CHAPTERS:157-158)

(Dean is 16) Dean graduates from high school. At his graduation, Crowley shows up and warns him that Alastair is there. Dean sends Emily to warn his family and he goes to tell Anderson (who is there on duty). But Sam is standing outside talking with Anderson. Alastair grabs Dean. Five demons are closing in on Sam and Anderson (and by Anderson’s earlier reaction, there may be angels on the scene as well). Alastair throws Dean to the ground with his powers and then knocks him out… (CHAPTER:160)