Author has written 3 stories for Pokémon, and How to Train Your Dragon.
Name: Elle, but I also respond to just Hunter.
Timezone: UTC / GMT
Avatar: Tachibana Makoto (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club)
22 Things to do at Wal-Mart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone," 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the foetal position and scream. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, Pikachu, go!"
17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.
18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.
19. Throw things over one aisle into another one.
20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie.
21. Go to a random aisle and try to reach the top item. When someone comes and asks you if you need help, scream loudly "I can't reach my chexcereal!" and keep screaming it until they go away.
22. Stand in the middle of an aisle way and burst out into the Pepto Bismol song, dance moves included.
#1 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
#2 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
#3 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
#4 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
#5 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell is he homeless or naked?
If a terminator is someone who kills, shouldn’t an exterminator be the opposite?
If there’s an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
If anything’s possible, then is it possible that nothing’s possible?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Reasons Why the Human Race Has Only Evolved Thus Far:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don'thave wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional.
Scroll down for each answer.
The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
>>>The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
>>> Wrong Answer:
>>> Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?
>>> Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.
You just put him in there.
This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat.
How do you manage it?
>>> Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across.
Have you not been listening?
All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
I live in a world...
Where being normal is too mundane, too boring for a human being...
Where animals talk, and actually have something to say...
Where Christmas is magical, and miracles actually happen...
Where Halloween is brought by a dancing skeleton and a rag doll woman...
Where snow is because of a man with scissors for hands...
Where superheroes protect the innocent...
Where wardrobes have magical worlds inside...
Where wizards and witches are common...
Where owls bring the mail...
Where imagination powers everything...
Where half-god children go on adventures...
Where ghosts are real, and many are friendly...
Where anyone can fly, if they believe...
Where children never grow old...
Where fairies exist...
Where everyone is different...
Where the beds are made for jumping...
Where we spend the day laughing...
I live in a world different from everything, care to join me?
Thank you whoever wrote this!
--Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
--You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder.
--Before you judge a person, walk a mile in his shoes. After that it doesn't matter. You're a mile away from him and you got his shoes.
--Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?
--We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.
--They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
--Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.
--Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
--I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?
--Everyday I think people can't get any dumber. Every day I'm proven horribly wrong.
--Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
--Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
--It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
--And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.
--There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
--I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.
--I do not have an attitude problem. I have an attitude, but I just can't find a problem with it.
--You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
--Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid.
--I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
--Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
--Someday we'll look back on all this and crash the car.
--On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
--Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
--Eagles may soar, but wolves don't get sucked up into jet engines.
--The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me," HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!
--I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.
--I am being driven insane. And I must say the scenery is nice.
--Would you like a cookie? So would I.
--A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
--Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
--If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
--A day without sunshine is like... Night.
--Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.
--Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
--The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them.
--One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
--Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
--If at first you don't succeed... go back and reload the gun.
--Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
--Most learn by observation. Some learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually touch the fire to see if it is hot.
--Best friends are aware of how stupid you are, but still choose to be seen in public with you.
--Heaven doesn't want me there and Hell knows I'll take over.
--STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
--Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
--Work now, make others work later.
--I read somewhere that speaking in front of a crowd is the number one fear for an average person. Number two is death. That means if you have to be at a funeral, you'd rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
--Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
--The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
--Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
--Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
--As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"
--I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.
--Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
--To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
--Smile. It scares people.
--An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it.
--A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
--I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
--Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
--The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'
-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch as the world wonders how the fuck you did it.
-Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
-When you get caught looking at them just remember they was looking back.
-You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
-Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake
-Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle
-There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. (It's POWERFUL)
-You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
-It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
-The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
-"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
-The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
-We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
-Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
-I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
-They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
-Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
-If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.
-Tell the truth and run.
-Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.
-Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.
-If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.
-Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
-When angry, count to ten. When very angry, swear.
-Education is important. School, however, is another matter.
-A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.
-Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
-A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
-I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
-When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
-Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
-War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
-Growing older is manditory. Growing up is optional
-Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
-Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realise I would probably kill myself trying to save you.
-Keep on talking maybe one day you'll say something intelligent
-If all else fails, try reading the instructions.
-When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Perfect men are only fictional.
-Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-The trouble with life is there's no background music.
-I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
-The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
-I believe that for every person in the universe there is a part of the universe that hates them
Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away.
A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and impossible to forget.
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall as long as the number of times you get back up is one more.
I don’t mind getting caught staring at you because that means you were staring right back.
The worst part about knowing your being lied to in knowing you're not good enough for the truth.
Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me then just lying!
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
If life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then, when life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll teach 'em.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
Amatures built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... (and look how that turned out)
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects, it’s when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
Whoever says 'as easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried to.
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate. Just like rubbish does.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Generally, generalizations are wrong.
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.
We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality.
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk.
If your name is Will, and you're in the army, do you get worried when people say "fire at will"?
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without mistake. The average person can't.
this is this cat
this is is cat
this is how cat
this is to cat
this is keep cat
this is a cat
this is retard cat
this is busy cat
this is for cat
this is forty cat
this is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working in the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,
When I grew up I was black,
When I'm sick I'm black,
When I go in the sun I'm black,
When I'm cold I'm black,
When I die I'll be black.
"But you sir...
When you're born you're pink,
When you grow up you're white,
When you're sick, you're green,
When you go in the sun you turn red,
When you're cold you turn blue,
And when you die you turn purple.
And yet you have the nerve to call me colored."
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.
The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going?
"Home. I can't work in the dark."
…In remembrance of Fred Weasley…
…Who fought bravely to the very end….
…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…
…And will loyally await his identical brother…
… with many jokes…
...he's got forever to think of them, right?
...In remembrance of Dobby...
…Who was more free and full of love…
...than any elf, and most humans.
….In remembrance of Remus J. Lupin….
...the last real Marauder...
…who was not just a wonderful father…
….a incredible husband and brave hero…
...as well as a totally awesome werewolf.
….In remembrance of Nymphadora Tonks…
…who died for ‘the greater good’…
...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.
…In remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody….
…who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…
...and scared the crap out of some kids too.
…In remembrance of Tom Marvolo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort….
…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…
…but who got his bottom thoroughly kicked in the end.
…In remembrance of Albus Dumbledore…
…whose past and wisdom confused us…
…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…
…but who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end...
...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.
In remembrance of Bellatrix Lestrange…
… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra...
...she deserved everything she got and more.
…In remembrance of Colin Creevey…
…who we really didn’t know too well…
…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…
…so he must’ve done something good…
…besides stalking Harry.
…In remembrance of Severus Snape….
….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…
...without all the red and gold crap.
…In remembrance of Hedwig…
...Harry’s actual first friend…
...who lived and died soaring.
...In remembrance of George's right ear...
...whose death wasn't really necessary...
...but caused many jokes, albeit pathetic.
The Rules of Hogwarts
1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year’s Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"
10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals
12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort
22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell
26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween
28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees"
29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"
31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin
32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
34) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
36) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous
37) I will not lick Trevor
38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"
39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously
41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God
THINGS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR WHILE UNDERGOING SURGERY:
1. "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."
2. "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."
3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
4. "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"
5. "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"
6. "Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingy."
7. "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."
8. "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
9. "Damn, there go the lights again..."
10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."
11. "What do you mean you want a divorce?"
1.Put your iTunes (or iPod) on shuffle
2.For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3.YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
1. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
2. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
3. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Gives You Hell
4. WHAT IS 22?
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND/ FRIENDS?
Castle Of Glass
6. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Want It That Way
7. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
8. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hall Of Fame
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
10. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Keep Awake (…I will kill them in their sleep? Alright then… o.O)
11. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Let’s Kill Tonight (Well, there’s one wedding no one’s going to forget for a while.)
12. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
13.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Welcome To The Black Parade
14. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Last Night (That’s… worrisome o.O)
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
16. WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Your Love Is A Lie
17. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
It’s Not My Time
18. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU WILL REGRET?
Look After You
19. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
20. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Show Me The Meaning
21.WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
22. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Because Of You
23. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
24. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Change Your Mind (...This is incredible.)
25. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
26. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Do The Hippogriff
My Life If Average
"Today, I was sitting in my biology class when a kid pointed out that another boy in our class had gone to the bathroom six times in the past two classes. As the first boy was saying, "What could he be doing?," the missing student walked back in holding four freshly baked waffles. I am still confused. MLIA "
"Today at my school, we had a lock down drill to prepare for any intruders. We had to lock the door and sit quietly in the corner for ten minutes. About half way through, the door bursts open and my principal dressed in a Darth Vader suit shouts, "Fools, I have a spare key!" and runs out. It was the single most frightening yet thrilling experience of my life. MLIA "
"Today, I realized that the two main characters in the Veggie Tales, the tomato and the cucumber, are actually fruits. Now I don't know what to believe. MLIA "
"Today, while my bio teacher was lecturing, his phone went off. He looked at it, then out the window, gasped, said, "Hold that thought," and ran out of the room. He came back two minutes later holding an ice cream sandwich, and said, "Sorry, the ice cream truck was here." This year may be better than I thought it would. MLIA. "
Today, I was bored so I called a random number. A guy answered and was silent, then he said "You have reached the Oreo Company. To receive free Oreos, press one. I'm sorry that offer has ended." I then roared into the phone. He then answered with "NO I WILL NOT BATHE YOUR WHALE!" Then hung up. I want to find this guy, and marry him. MLIA
Today, a boy at school was wearing a red sweatshirt with a giant smiley face on the front. Someone went up to him and started to make fun of his sweatshirt, and without a word he pulled it off, turned it inside out, and put it back on. There was a frowny face on the other side. MLIA
As one of my friends was looking through my purse while on the school bus, she found a bunch of weird stuff like a bib from burger king, a pack of ramen, etc. Everyone then started to ridicule me and my strange purse. The girl sitting next to me quietly tapped me on the shoulder, then pulled something out of her bag. It was a potato. MLIA.
Today, we were taking a math test when someone's cell phone rang. It was dead silent as we heard, "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." Everyone looked around to see whose phone it was. It was my teacher's. My teacher is a man. MLIA
Today, I decided to answer the phone with a Russian accent. My dad, who was on the other line, paused and started to get confused. Thinking that he had the wrong number, and not wanting to admit it, he tried to sell me car insurance. Instead of hanging up like most people would when a telemarketer called, I kept him talking. He BS'd for a full 7 minutes before putting me "on hold". When he called the second time, I answered with a British accent, just to see if it would happen again. It did. He offered me a snuggie. MLIA.
Today, someone at my college wrote next to a man-hole, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Open House, 7 to 9 PM". I plan on attending. MLIA
Today, after seeing an MLIA about making sharks on facebook chat, I started repeatedly sending sharks to my boyfriend. He asked what I was doing. I replied "SHARK ATTACK!" He started sending me a bunch of blank messages. I asked what he was doing. His reply? "NINJA ATTACK!" I think this one's a keeper. MLIA
Today, for homecoming week, it was camo day. Everyone else in the school dressed up in camouflage, but I dressed up as a locker. I won today's award for best dressed. MLIA.
Today, I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth when my brother tumbled out of the cupboard, shouted "I've found Narnia!" and threw a bunch of pine-cones and fake snow in my face. I'm not sure if I'm more impressed that he used props or that he stayed holed up in that cupboard, waiting for someone, for at least 45 minutes. MLIA
Today I was sitting in computer class when a boy sat down beside me wearing glasses. This was a change for him, and thus I commented, "I didn't know you wore glasses". He then pulled his shirt open to reveal a fake superman body and whispered "Shhh". MLIA
Today I asked my three year old cousin what she is gonna be when she grows up, with out missing a beat she shouts "OLDER!" I wish I was that smart when I was her age. MLIA
Today, I searched "Evil Disney Wallpaper" on Google images. The second result was the cast of High School Musical. It's good to know that Google recognizes this. MLIA
Today, I was wearing my 'this is how I roll' t-shirt. I guy walking past me read it. He said "Oh yeah? This is how I roll." He then tucked and rolled and continued walking. I love college. MLIA
Today, I saw a sign at a picture framing store that said, "Shoot the family, hang the kids, frame the wife." Photo framers have a dark sense of humor. MLIA.
Today I was sitting on the quad reading. Suddenly, a guy walks past me, without looking at me, and says "duh nuh", like from the Jaws theme. This happened a few more times and then stopped for a little while, so I went back to my reading. Out of nowhere, a guy in a shark suit tackled me to the ground and then ran off. By the time I collected myself and sat up, nobody involved in the affair was in sight. I picked the right college. MLIA.
Today, I was walking down the hallway at school when the band started playing the Darth Vader theme song. I was totally alone in the hallway. I've never felt so evil. MLIA
Today, they made an announcement over the intercom right before lunch. The exact words: "If you accidentally stole a doorknob, please return it to the office. Thank you." I'm still trying to figure out how you accidentally steal a doorknob. MLIA
Today my friend had missed the bus to school, first I laughed at him but when he got dropped off by the mail truck, I was so jealous. MLIA
Today, I opened up my dorm room door after hearing a knock. I was then "shot" at by two guys using the gun app on their iPhones. They proceeded to run down the hall shouting "Go go go!" and doing somersaults and zigzags. MLIA
Today, I was sitting in my Economy class. I was bored out of my mind until I looked over and saw a guy in my class had randomly pulled a giraffe finger puppet out of his bag. He saw me looking and proceeded to perform an entire show for me. Getting kicked out of class for laughing so hard was entirely worth it. MLIA.
Today, after two weeks of college, I decided to stop using my fake British accents, all of my peers are confused as to what happened. MLIA
Today, I saw a kid that looked like Jacob Black from Twilight. I told him this and he said, "Yeah. I've heard that before. But I bet Jacob can't do this." and he began to break dance. Then, he walked away. He's probably my new favorite stranger. MLIA
Today, I checked the time on my ITouch and it was 11:11. I wished that it would always be 11:11 so that I could make as many wishes as I wanted. Then my iPod froze. My wish came true. Thank you, 11:11. MLIA.
Today, I yelled at my computer for being extremely slow. It froze and I smacked the screen. My teacher then walks up and caresses it and says, “Its ok little guy. She didn't mean it.' The computer then worked better than it ever has. I am now convinced my teacher is the computer whisperer. MLIA
This past weekend I was at a church service that was themed for younger children. When the preacher asked some of the younger kids what they thought God looked like, a little girl raised her hand and confidently said "Morgan Freeman." I wanted to kidnap her and raise her as my sister. MLIA
Today, I was supposed to teach 6th graders about what it really means to be cool. They were supposed to write words that they thought signified "coolness" on the board. One girl put beef jerky and Superman. I don't think she needed me to teach her anything. MLIA
The other day, a huge cluster of people were crowded around a table in our lunch room. I ran over to see what I presumed to be a fight. It turned out to be the Japanese foreign exchange student peeling a banana with his feet. It was SO much better than a fight. MLIA.
Today in speech class we had to give a speech about our role model. The teacher proceeded to shoot us with a Nerf gun every time we said um, ah, ect. Best teacher ever. MLIA
Today I was bored so I called a random number and pretended to be from Pizza Hut. A guy picked up and when I asked him what he wanted, he proceeded to mention about 20 different items from the menu with loads of adjustments. At the end I told him I was kidding. He just said "I know. I'm just as bored as you." MLIA
Today, due to recent incidents, my school added a new "no lightsabre duels on school grounds" rule to the student handbook. While in English class a neighboring teacher randomly burst into my class and began dueling with my teacher using lightsabres. When they got yelled at by the principal they claimed there was nothing against it in the teacher handbook. Teachers-1 Principals-0. MLIA
"Today, I was trying to decide if I thought chorus was going to be any fun this year. When I walked into class, my teacher was wearing a unicorn costume. Decision made. MLIA. "
"Today, there was a new guy in my class called A.J. Ninami. He seemed like just another student. Then I read his name backwards. Guess who I'm asking out to Homecoming? MLIA "
"My grandma has been in the hospital all this week. Today when I got home from school I got a call that said they'd lost her. She called me five minutes later from her house telling me about the awesome escape. Coolest. Grandma. Ever. MLIA "
"Today in Latin class I found out that the Latin word for "spy" is "exploradora". I am now very suspicious of Dora the Explorer. MLIA "
Today, I went to the mall with my friend. Just to see what would happen, we held hands and looked at each other as if we were in love (we are both girls). As we are walking, we were getting dirty looks from old couples, confused looks from kids, and disapproving looks from middle aged people. We then walked past these two older men in business suits, holding hands. We didn't think much of it, but then one of the men walks up to us with a huge smile on his face and says "we aren't gay either" and walks away. I know the type of man I want to marry one day. MLIA
Today, I felt like wearing an eye patch around town for no reason. A kid came up to me and asked me why I was wearing an eye patch. I told him my mom told me not to run with scissors. The look on his face was priceless. MLIA
Today, I realized that I forgot to lock my car in the morning. After school I went out to the parking lot to find that every car had a lollipop taped to the door. My car was filled with them. I win. MLIA
Today, while driving my 4 year old nephew and his neighbor to preschool, his neighbor (who recently started sunday school at her church) informed him that "God made everything." My nephew thought about this for a moment then replied, "I don't think so, a lot of stuff is made in China." Best. Nephew. Ever. MLIA
Today, I got pulled over on my way home by a cop. He asked me if I knew why he pulled me over, and I responded, "Because you want to invite me to the Police Officer's Ball?" He then replied, "No ma'am, police officers don't have balls". MLIA
Today, the National Mustard Museum in my town was vandalized. With ketchup. MLIA.
Today, I ran out of both my shampoo and conditioner at the same time. I've been waiting years for that to happen. MLIA.
Today, I realized that lol'd, the past tense of lol, is inaccurate. That would mean laugh out louded. L'dol, however awkward, would be correct. MLIA
Earlier today, my "7" key wasn't working while I was IMing someone. To overcome this, I started typing out "the number between 6 and 8", but then I realized I could just type out "seven". MLIA.
Today, while finishing up some yogurt, I began scraping the bottom of the container even though there was nothing left. I still continued scraping for 10 minutes in hopes of getting a little drop. MLIA.
Today, I was talking to someone through Facebook. I began to type something, when I noticed that they were typing, and I deleted what I had written. Then I noticed that they had stopped typing, too. I felt awkward. MLIA.
Today, I tried to blow a leaf off of my windshield...from the inside of my car. MLIA
Today, my little sister pointed out to me that the tooth fairy teaches little kids to sell their body parts for money. MLIA.
Today, my sister asked when the 10 o'clock news was on. MLIA
Today, we got a huge new TV. My brother and I were more excited about the box than the TV. MLIA
Today, I discovered that my big flannel I bought at a thrift store has a label that says, "MADE ON EARTH BY HUMANS." Thank you for the clarification, humans who made this. MLIA
Today I had a staring contest with my cat. He blinked, I laughed, he hit me with his paw. MLIA
Today, during a test I did not know the answer to a question. Instead of guessing I drew an epic battle between pirates and ninjas. Guess who got extra credit? No, not me. I just got a question mark. MLIA.
Today I taped eyes on the top of my trash can. Now my 2 year old daughter enjoys feeding trash to it, complete with "Nom, nom, nom" sounds. MLIA.
Today I noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy, and all you see is his head and arms sticking out of the water. I bet he's not laughing out loud anymore. MLIA
Today, I was in an awkward situation so I pulled out a twix bar and proceeded to loudly chew it. It just made the situation more awkward. MLIA
Today, I mentioned to my co-worker that none of the English teachers at my school are having kids, but that three of the math teachers are pregnant. She responded, "I hear they're better at multiplying." MLIA.
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
You have a short temper. X
You often act on your emotions without thinking first. X
You are very competitive. X
You like to play with fire. X
You are not a strong swimmer or you can't swim at all. X
You prefer warm weather over cold weather. X
You often lose control over yourself. X
You can be quite reckless. You sometimes hurt people without realizing it. X
People have often called you insane. X
You have a calm, laid-back personality.
You like to go to the beach.
You rarely get angry. When you do get angry, you know how to control it.
You think before you act.
You are good at breaking up fights. X
You are a good swimmer.
You like the rain. X
You can stay calm in stressful situations. X
You are very generous.
You are physically strong. X
You have a close connection with nature. You don't mind getting dirty. X
You form strong opinions on issues that concern you. X
You could easily survive in the wild.
You care about the environment. X
You can easily focus on your work without getting distracted.
You rarely get depressed.
You aren't afraid of anything. X
You prefer to have a strict set of rules. X
You have a free spirit. X
You hate rules.
You prefer to be out in the open rather than in small, enclosed spaces.
You hate to be restrained. X
You are very independent and outgoing.
You are quite intelligent.
You tend to be impatient. X
You are easily distracted. X
You can sometimes be hyperactive and/or annoying. X
You wish you could fly.
You spend most of your time alone. X
You prefer night-time over daytime. X
You like creepy things. X
You like to play tricks on people. X
Black is your favorite color. X
You prefer the villains over the heroes in movies, TV shows, videogames, etc. X
You don't talk much. X
You are atheist.
You don't mind watching scary movies. X
You love to break the rules. X
You are very polite. X
You are spiritual.
When someone is in trouble, you generally don't hesitate to help them. X
You believe everything you see or hear. X
You are afraid of the dark.
You hate violence.
You hope for world peace.
You are generally a happy person. X
Everyone loves to be around you.
You always follow the rules.
Who is Your Godly Parent?
APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic.
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic.
Hades. That's... great.