Otaku

Quotes:(I made up all these.)

•In life, we always have choices. Choices to what path we can go through this life.

• The opposite of hate is love. So it's more possible that you love someone you hate than you don't. But if you're looking for impossiblity in romance, should you call it indifference?

• If I say "I love you", what will you do? I knew from the start what the answer would be. That's why instead, I'll say "I hate you". Then maybe, just even a bit, you'll look at my way.

Poems:

"Fantasies"

Do fairytales come true?

Or should be left on the blue?

The lake that is serene,

Hoping that I could lean.

Meeting the prince charming,

While in the ball waiting.

The love that conquers all,

Even encountering the greatest wall.

The dream I have,

Do I need to dub?

For all are like fairies,

Living in the world of fantasies.

Dear Inanimated Object,

For the wish I pray,

Where I pour my heart out.

In this spring of May,

Hear my story is about.

I was a child

To be exact, five.

Living in the wild,

Futile even if you strive.

Found comfort in a book,

Reading the cover for the story peak.

The beauty was seen in first look,

But never thought to be trick.

I have a wish,

Hoping to be granted.

A book I will cherish,

With a good plot I wanted.

With all the love,

The Reader

"Secret Love"

I just don't know

The time it started.

How these mixed feelings grow

And why I wanted it to be ended.

Those warm hands

Saved me from torment.

Smile at me in the aftermath,

Melt me at the very moment.

Just by falling for you,

I just wanna say it.

But I'm happy

Just to keep it myself.

No one would understand

The origin of love, right?

You are my perfect guy.

Something I can't tell anyone.

God, give me courage.

Waiting for the chance

Saying "I love you"

But maybe this'll always be my secret love.

"A Stray"

Hey little one,

Where have you been?

I am in everywhere.

Have you already eaten?

No one would cook for me.

Have you taken a bath?

I washed myself by the rain.

Is it all fine for you?

I never had the choice.

Aren’t you mad with your situation?

Can I be?

Can I ask you?

What is life?

Life is happiness.

What is happiness?

Happiness is like spring.

Is spring special?

It is the bloom of flowers.

Can I eat those?

Would you?

If I have to.

Have you been afraid?

Maybe. But I can’t recall.

To whom have you run to?

I have no one.

Are you scared of death?

I will even smile.

Then what does it mean to live?

To see the wonders of life.

Have you ever lived like you were dead?

I don’t think I have.

Would you do everything just to live?

That’s just too obvious.

Have you been lost?

I’ve always gone astray.

Don’t you have a compass?

Maybe I should find one.

Can you go home?

Where to?

Where should I go home to?

Short Stories:

Story 1:

This is a story about a boy. The boy who had everything yet nothing. At the age of seven, he was thrown to the orphanage because his mother can't handle the financial problem since the death of her husband. After more than a year, his mother came back holding hands with an unknown man. He was flabbergasted. His mind was blank as he was taken out by his parent. Going to his new home, he thought that it’s a lot bigger than their previous house but a lot lonelier. As he grow, he only knows that his family is a lie. He always played around-- with girls to be exact. Take different ladies in bed every night. His mother didn't say anything. She didn't get mad. It seemed a mockery in his point of view cause she really didn't care. They would never be called a mother and son. Then, he fell in love with a girl. He stole money from his parents and eloped with his lover. He found a job to sustain both of them. He worked through days and nights. But with his stressful lifestyle, he only wanted her girl. She had became his reason of living. Until the day he saw his lover in bed with another man. All he can do is regret everything. He threw away everything and now he has nothing. He lived his life as like he was dead. After some years, he came back to his real home. Dejected on his actions, he came back with his head so low. His mother slapped him then first time he saw his son again. Remorse. All was in her face. Loneliness. Her beauty is not already in there. Then, after all the years passes ever since he was sent in the orphanage, after all the things he had done to his mother, all she said is: “Have you eaten?”

Story 2:

He knows he have all. The money, the power, everything the world would be envious of. But can't have one thing-- her love. He couldn't buy her. She didn't even take glance at him. Then it came to him, if she can't be his by serenading her, then he'll have her by force. So he took her, reported her to be dead in a car accident. Her fiancé and family mourned for her. But on the deepest forest where this rich fellow owned a mansion, he kept her angel. Chained like a cat, dressed like a Gothic. Though she can have all she wants, she cannot get her freedom. Thus when chance came, the time a vase broke near her feet. She reached for it, took the shard and cut her pulse on her neck. Sure she died. Sure he cried. The day of the burial, he didn't came. No one came since no one knows her real death. The workers just dig the hole and put her closed casket on it. As the men shoveled the soil to bury the box, inside it, it was heard. "Now, we can be together forever."

Story 3:

Life doesn't goes what anyone plans to. They said he's too naive. His parents even said so. He started his high school not being serious on his academics. He was used to failing marks. His teachers asked him why won't he take his studies seriously. Though his father is a known psychologist and her mother is a known businesswoman, he cannot be compared to them. His father persuaded him to take medicine as his course. His mother even suggested to take commerce. But he did not want to hear it from them. His future is his own. He wanted to be an actor and that's it. He wanted to be on the spotlight, to be seen shining like a star. Though he lived a comfortable life with his parents, he ran away from home and decided to pursue what he really wants. He auditioned first in some small commercials. As time passed by, he finally reached his peak. The greatest actor of generation, fans swarming on him and girls throwing themselves to him. He cannot helped himself but smirked and thought that it was good that he didn't obey his parents. He became too conceited. Even his parents wanted to talk to him just for a while, yearned to hear even just his voice-- the voice of the child that left them. With the years gone by, he learnt how to use drugs because of his failing career. He swallowed his pride and called his parents that he wanted to go home. His parents agreed and make the travel that stormy night. In that unfortunate date, he heard from the news that his parents died in a car accident because of the slippery road. He don't know what to do. He don't know if he would cry. He didn't shed a drop of tear when they were being buried. He came back to his parents' mansion-like house. Ten years it has been since he last stepped on that floor. Ten years have passed since the last fight he had with his parents. He looked at the drawer inside his parents' room and saw some tapes with his name on it. It was all dated on his birthday. He remembered that there was this mail delivered to him during his birthdays but just returned it because he knew it was sent by his parents. And the time had finally came that he listen to those tapes. For the first time ever, he cried, he cried all the frustrations, all the regrets that he had. The earphones removed from the player and it started to play:"To my dearest and most loved son, happy birthday. How are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself? I hope you're feeding yourself right. You know that no matter what happens, we love you cause you are our son..."

Story 4:

What they have is a taboo – unacceptable to the society. Dirty is how people described it. At first, he just knows that he must protect his little sister who is two years younger than him. Their parents left them when he was just thirteen and she was just eleven. Since then, life has been tough on them. There were times when they were not able to eat for days. They were left starving since his age does not permit him to work yet. And since they don’t know any relatives, he decided that living in an orphanage will be the best for both of them.

The siblings’ faces are blessed with such beauty that it didn’t take long until they were adopted. Though they didn’t want it, they were separated. They didn’t know how to contact each other, but they are both holding on to a promise that he will find her and they’ll be together in the future. Years, months and days passed and he grew up to be a successful bachelor. He tried his best to find her, but with no success. Though he finally got to know her adoptive parents, they said she ran away the first day they brought her home. He even doubted if she would still recognize him after all those years.

Every night, he drowned himself with alcohol. He cannot forgive himself for not searching for her sooner. He was beyond devastated until a girl came into his life and brought back colors to his dark world. She became his light in the never ending abyss he is in.

It had been seven months of them together as lovers. Love making didn’t come as a surprise. After sometime, he learned that she was pregnant with his child. One, two, five months had gone and her belly is getting bigger. They are planning to get married a month after her delivery, but they were already living together.

One day, when she was supposed to buy their dinner, she got in an accident. She was hit by a car. Then, it came to know that she has leukemia. The doctor said that it is still curable if they can immediately do an operation with a bone marrow donor. He didn’t hesitate to volunteer himself. After all, she is the the love of his life. But then, the doctor said that it is only possible if they are closely related by blood. Still, he insisted to be tested and it turned out that they are match. However, happiness first struck him but realized something wrong. Suspicion. For the first time, he conducted an investigation on his lover. Her parents are unknown, she lived in an orphanage and was independent by the time she turned sixteen. Yes, she is his lover… and his little sister. He didn’t know what to do. He really loves her so much. He desires her with all his passion. But God won’t forgive him for what he feels. To protect her innocence, he made her hate him hoping that even just she would be forgiven. He will take all the sufferings in her stead.

Time has passed and he wasted all of his in drinking and taking different women to bed. But no one could ever satisfy him. He tried to find someone who looks just like her but it still didn't work.

By chance, they met again. She bumped into him while hurrying to get to her job in a coffee shop. Falling on top of him, she became red because of embarrassment. It has been a while since they last saw each other. Let me correct that, it has been a while since she last saw him. He was always looking at her from afar. They talked. She forgave him. Promised to be friends. He was really happy.

Though he knows that their love is forbidden, he continued loving her. It was not in his plan to tell her the truth. It was not until she was heartbroken with her current boyfriend. She needed comfort and he gave her just that. But what he gave was not like a normal one. After all the things they had gone through, they had sex again. She said she loves him but he remained silent.

The next day, he left her. He left her for good. She found a letter addressed to her on the table and read it. It was a letter of goodbye. While reading it, she can’t help but let her tears race down her face.

“I’m sorry for leaving you. But of all the cruelest things that happened to me, you are the most wonderful.

I love you. You’re the only one. That’s why I did this. I love you like the depth of the ocean and like the width of the universe. I love you that words can’t suffice to describe it. I love you, my little sister.

Live. Live happily. Find your joy. I pray that God would forgive me for taking everything from you. And I pray that in the next life, we would be born as strangers—strangers that’ll meet by fate.

I love you… with my all.”

Story 5:

“Never trust anyone. Because everyone would betray you someday.” That had become her virtue ever since her happy child days were over. It’s so sudden. Happiness became like a bubble—it appears and gone by a second.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, a father-daughter trip was cut short. They never expected that what welcomed them back home was her mother and another man together in bed and both naked. Her father was in rage. She still couldn’t comprehend what’s happening. What would a six-year-old child know? It was not long before their parents divorced and her father took custody on her. It became a question to her why her mother couldn’t come home.

Years already passed, living with her father became nothing but hell. He would always come home late and drunk. And when she would give some piece of her mind to her father, she would always receive a beating. Though her life turned that way, she never blame her father. For her, it was all that woman’s fault. She knew also that her friends were all using her for something which is why they befriended her. The more years passed by, she became more look like her mother. Her father hated it. He would always say how bitch her mother is and that maybe she’s even not his daughter to begin with.

One day, she just received a call that her father was killed by a fast running train. They said that her old man was drunk. Now she’s really alone. She didn’t know who’s to blame.

It was decided that her mother would take care of her. What a hypocrite? She even smiled at her daughter after she cheated her father. Yes. It was all her fault. She’s the one to blame. Her mother was living alone in an apartment. She would always say to her that she regretted all the wrong things she made. She said that she already changed. She don’t know if she would believe.

After they shop for some clothes, they walked their way home. A couple of men blocked their way and asked for their money and took out a gun to threaten them. Her mother gave all the money she had that time hoping that they would spare their lives. However, they demanded to play with her daughter. How dare them. She would never let some bunch of idiots touch her. As she struggled, the man with the gun pointed it to her. But her mother made her way to grab the gun. Trying to get the get the gun from him, her mother was shot. Because of fear of killing someone, the men ran away. She saw her mother in a pool of blood. She wanted to call an ambulance to save her but something stopped her from doing so. She should die. That’s what her mind was shouting. She’s the cause of all her mishaps. Yes. She let her die as her mother looked at her with pleading eyes. Eyes where tears which continued to flow. She thought that it’s fear of death until her mother grabbed her hand and struggled to say some incoherent words: “Be happy… I love you so much… my daughter.”

Story 6:

Life is cruel, so it seemed. Tragedy always comes in between those seemingly unending times of happiness – those series of wondrous moments.

You were so small back then. How fragile you looked whenever I held you. I’ve always thought of you as my most precious treasure, for God sent you here. Your smile was like a ray of sunshine. Even though I conceived you by mistake, I know, from my very first glimpse of you, that I love you.

For a month and a year old baby, I decided to give you the life you deserve. I lost the job that kept us from having empty stomachs. I knew that if this goes on, both of us will die from hunger. As a mother, I failed to protect you. So I gave you to another family. I really didn’t want to do it, but it’s better for me to die alone than die with you, knowing that I can do something to prevent this.After five months of searching for a new job, I landed as a janitor in a company. My salary was barely enough to support myself. Even with this lifestyle, I always think of you – how you were doing there, if you were growing healthier or taller. I was always wondering if you are happy in your new family, if you miss Mama’s breast milk or if you are crying because I was not there. I was so sorry. I can accept if you’ll say that you couldn’t forgive your irresponsible mother for leaving you in the hands of strangers.For 10 years, I would always come by and watch you. I was grateful that your new family was kind enough to let me know what you were doing. Even if they told me that I can introduce myself as your real mother, I would rather not. Because if I did, what would I say? You might even ask why I gave you away. I was afraid that no matter what my answer is, you would loath me.

After a few more months, I learned that you have a weak heart. You need an operation as soon as possible. But the problem lies on the donor. I didn’t know what to do then. I have only you. For me, you’re worth more than all the gold and diamonds in the world. What would I do without you if you are the reason of my existence?

It was the first time we’ve met as strangers. I decided to tell you the truth but stopped myself the moment you gave me a bright smile that melted my cold heart. I knew then that I needed to protect that smile of yours.

I’ve entrusted everything to my friend. Even though she was so against, I’ve already made up my mind. After all, you are my life line.

As I stood at the rooftop of the company’s 30-floor building, I felt the strong gust of wind that was ready to pull me down any minute. Then I made my final wish: “Please protect my heart. Even if it’s just my heart, it’ll fine. Even if my whole body crushes into a million pieces, just please let my heart remain unharmed, for this will belong to my most precious son.”

Story 7:

Hate me. Hate me to the point of you unforgiving me for a lifetime. Because, after all, I am someone who took everything from you. For someone to have a frail body like mine, our parents gave me all the love that they could offer—a love you never received. Please don’t do this. I beg you, never show kindness for the likes of me. Don’t show me that smile like there’s nothing wrong. I did all the vile things giving you a reason to look for revenge to me. Please show me how detestable I am. Please see me as someone whose existence was enough to be a sin.

Please—please don’t touch me with those gentle hands. For I know my life will end earlier than you, forget everything about me. I’ll smile on my death because I know that this what will set you from the sadness you keep.

Story 8:

They said love is the sweetest thing though this “love” may also bring forth to the cruelty of man. This story I’ll narrate is a story I personally witnessed thus gave me sleepless nights for so long.

There were three people, a girl and two boys, who took my interest. As an observant, I knew then that one of the guys had deep feeling for their (girl) friend while the girl kept on looking at their other friend. The last guy seemed too oblivious about them. Just by seeing them, I would always thought of them being in a one-way street.

Time quickly passed by, that man professed his feelings for her and asked her hand for marriage when their friend left them to pursue his dreams. The girl, who looked like she was going to break down, accepted his feelings but said no to the marriage. She said all she could offer him was to let the time have its way to make her fall in love with him.

Looking at them, all I could see then was a perfect couple brought together by an unfortunate incident. Yes. I thought that that love triangle had finally ended.

Two years have already gone ever since they were lovers, I ran into them, saw them walking to the forest and unconsciously followed them. When they got deeper into the forest, they started shouting at each other. The guy kept on his uproar on how that girl could never see him more than just a friend then he said something in a low tone, which I couldn’t hear, but made the girl turned pale. As the girl turned her back, that guy pulled out something under his polo (which turned out to be a hammer) and smashed her head.

I was like a deer in the headlights when I saw him taking off all her clothes and tying both her hands and feet in a seemed to be prepared long bamboo stick. Then he prepared a fire. As I looked back to the bloodied girl, she seemed to be still alive then but just unconscious. I wanted to run and to look for help but the ground seemed to have eaten my feet. I couldn’t move an inch. Even my voice appeared to be stuck on my throat. Then looking back again at the scene, I saw him grilling his lover while a creepy smile plastered on his face.

I did vomit with the sight of him eating her. He was eating as if it was just a pig he cooked. My turned blank as he finished. All I could was only her bones. From where I stood, I saw him pulling another thing from his back pocket. It was a gun. He put it to his head then pulled its trigger. What happened? Was everything I saw then an illusion? After the loud sound of the gun reached my ear, I instinctively dashed off from there.

Going back to my room, I was shaking like crazy. Then I thought if I should report everything I just witnessed to the police. But the, I decided to turn on the television and to look if it was already known. It was as if fate, I saw the news about the guy who that girl was in love with. It was said in the news that he was found dead in his apartment a night before. He died from consecutive hits from a hard object.

Then I hoped that that day was nothing but a dream—that I haven’t witness any crime at all.

Story 9:

What is happiness? For me, it is YOU.

During the seventeen years that we were apart, I always held our only photo together. We were still small back then. But family matters forced me to leave with father to a foreign land. I didn't know what to do back then. I never knew a life without you. Even though I received photos of you as you grew up, I was irritated that I couldn't see it for myself. That was when I realized that I was way past my limit.

After such a long time, I went home. I was ecstatic to finally see you again. I still remember how you bombarded me with questions-- even asking me if I already have a lover. But I thought that how could I find a girl when I already found you, when my mind is filled with nothing but you. We filled each other in with the times we weren't together. We chatted and laughed about the adventures we had when we were apart.

The next day took me by surprise. You introduced me to your fiance. I didn't know what to think. You betrayed me. For the last seventeen years of my life, I was thinking about only you while you were having the time of your life with another man. I couldn't take how he touched you, looked at you and kissed you. I wanted to ask you if you already made love, but my heart might shatter into pieces if I hear the answer which I fear.

I was so mad that I set a trap in my house to lock us up. Yes, the world mattered no more. The only one I want is you. I bounded you to the posts of my bed while I rested on your lap. I told you I love you over and over again yet you said that you love me in a completely different way. You were pleading so hard for me to release you but I turned up the volume of the music. That way, I won't hear the hurtful words you're saying. My fragile heart can only take too much.

Then a plan formed in my mind. You know I especially rented this boat just for us. For once, I wanted to leave this place. No one can take you away from me because from the very start, you were mine. As I bounded our hands together with a handcuff, you were crying yourself out of tears while pleading for me to stop. I tied one end of a rope around my ankle and threw the other end, which is tied to a boulder, to the sea. Yes. If I couldn't have you, I shall drag you to death with me. So in the next life, we'll always be together. Before we reached the bottom of that sea, your final words kept ringing in my ear: "Why? Even with that kind of love you have for me, you are still my little brother."

Story 10:

They say that as days turn to months and months turn to years, we tend to forget some parts of our lives. From the moment we spurt from this world until the time we are in right now, only some parts of our existence can be collected from our memory. I, who was left by mom since my 6th year, couldn't remember how to laugh even smile but also how to cry. I couldn't recall if what-so-called tears trickled from my eyes the day when my mom died.

Many said that I resembled my mom a lot. Maybe that was the reason for my father's obsession on me. Ever since his wife died, he never allowed me to go outside. My education was all home-tutored. Even the birds that I wanted to make friends of never flew near my room as if I was hated. My room was literally locked, allowing me to look the outside world through me steeled window. Though my father gave me everything I want, the only thing I couldn't get was my freedom. It seemed that asking him such a request was a taboo. One day, a lost boy came to our premise. We often talked even there was a bar in between us. You could say that he was my very first friend. But after some couple of days, that boy never came again. I wanted to know if something had happened to him so I asked my father if I can find that boy. But my father just became furious and told me that me having friends were forbidden. Because of my hard-headedness, I executed some plan to go outside. But I got unlucky. My father saw me running towards the gate so he immediately caught me. I was beaten up that day. I was pleading so hard for him to stop but instead he tied my legs with chains. From that day on, my legs were of no use.

For fourteen years of my life, I couldn't remember even how to stand. Then my father gave me an option-- to be tied on that bed forever or to be tied with him. I couldn't answer so he assumed that I chose the latter. I felt grossed that even I took an hour to take a bath, the dirt was still lingering on my skin. Even I was allowed to stroll around the house premise, talking to strangers and going outside the gate was still not allowed.

Every night, I was always embraced by my father, not in a loving way but in a possessive way. Maybe he thought of me as mom. I sympathized with him. However, I couldn't take it anymore. I want my freedom. I want to be from this invisible shackles. But then I thought, I couldn't leave my father. That night when the moon was so bright, I made up my mind to do it. For me, I saw the night so red same as my hand-- same as the body lying in front of me. The fire I made was starting to get big as it succumb our home. It was so sad that I would depart without anyone knowing about me. Then I remembered the boy that used to visit me. Would his memory prove that I did live? I just hope. If God do exist, can this girl ask one final wish. "Please. Let that boy know that I want him to forget me not."

Story 11:

It has been 10 years since then. The love I offered yet wasn't received. I knew from the start that I'm walking on a one-way street for you won't look even a glance at me. I kept my feelings intact so you won't know. I was happy for the friendship you and I have. I thought that I'm already contented as long as this stays on forever. But when you told me you found someone to love, my heart broke to pieces. I decided to forget these feelings I have for you yet you shook all of my resolutions the moment you smiled at me. It was as if you were like a kid that was too naive on the surroundings. My heart was beating too fast that no one could count how many beats every minute you were present. You were always hurt by him yet you still kept on loving him. I patiently waited until the moment you finally get tired of fighting him. Yes, patiently waiting and waiting and waiting until the moment you know that the only one you need is me. But that time never came.

I know I was a coward. Running away was the only solution I found to forget you and everything about you. However, as the years passed by, I still would think on how have you been. I know that it was never your that I was hurt like this. But how can you blame me? I repeatedly tried to ignore this but you repeatedly smiled at me. Yes, I'm just a simple-minded man. This was a no-good path so I decided to go back and face everything.

I used to love you. I hate summers but you being the sun, it became fun for me. The 10 years being apart from you, I saw how you changed. It was as if the world turned 180 degrees. Your smile seemed to be removed from your face. You looked like on her late 40s. I heard that you got married to that man. The man that repeatedly made you cry and up until now. You, who was told the impossibility of having a baby, was continually abused by that man. The moment I saw your face, I really wanted to shout at you, I wanted to blame you. But first and foremost, I blamed myself on why I left you. I pushed you in this hell. I know that I needed to take responsibility.

So I offered you to come to me and to leave him. After a long time, I finally saw your smile again but you rejected me. I knew from the very start how you love and cherish him even with all he did to you. For the love I have thought already been forgotten, I smiled at you and gave words of encouragement to you again.

It was 10th of July 20XX. I know that this is your birthday so I invited you. I wanted to give you my present and treat you on some restaurant. I emailed you the time of our meet and the place. one, two, three hours have already passed yet even your shadow wasn't even present. I decided to leave the place and go home. I got angry at you. You even didn't tell me that you couldn't come. As I sat at my sofa and turned on the TV, I saw the news. I was shocked when I first saw your husband covered with blood. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hear what the news about. But then, I saw your face flashed on the screen. It said that you were stabbed seven times by that bastard husband of yours. But even so, another question came into my mind. "With the way how that man killed you, do you sill love him?" I thought that this was a stupid question to ask because I already know the answer. My tears were trickling down from my eyes as I saw an illusion of you standing in front of me while smiling like an idiot. "Yes. You are an idiot. Yet I love you more than anyone and anything."

I think you know many things about me. Hope you can find the time to read my story. Ja na!