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Joined 08-21-11, id: 3182897, Profile Updated: 04-10-12

Hi!!!! I'm MaxKatnissPotter! :)

About Me:

Gender: Let's just say... Gurls are awesome!

Hair Color: Brown/Red

Eye Color: Brown

Fave Books: Maximum Ride, Harry Potter, The Gallagher Girls, Percy Jackson, Gone (a GREAT series! :D)

Siblings: 3

Pets: Bird, Kittens, Sisters

Tomboy, not girly-girl

Fave Book Characters: Maximum Ride, Percy Jackson, Annabeth(from PJ), Cammie Morgan, Hermionie Granger, Diana (from Gone)

Mood: Ready for school to be OVER!!!!!


If you've been on the computer for hours reading and writing fanfiction at night, copy this onto your profile

If you actually take the time to read and copy these things, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever annoyed people just for fun, copy this onto your profile

If you love candy and chocolate, copy this onto your profile

.eliforp rouy otno ti etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you wish a certain fictional character was real copy this onto your profile

This one is scary believe me when I say it: This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check Again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

you can go on and forget about this or you can copy and paste in it on your profile. whichever you pick is you desicion!

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you're a girl and get sick and tired of guys assuming that you're weak and can’t fight, copy and paste this into your profile.

Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict. (Or do it later.)

If Fanfiction is to you what Facebook is to other people, copy and paste this in to your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, put this in your profile.

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because you're a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, put this into your profile.

If you guys love to read, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a lunatic, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are dead, copy and paste this onto your profile

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried at all.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy ever minuet of it.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway

'Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling

Your shin: a device used to find furniture in the dark

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the cops.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

My reality check bounced.

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days..."

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. -

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'

- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!

- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

- He who laughs last didn't get it.

-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking

You know you live in 2011 when...

1) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen-name or MySpace

4) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Most teachers promote the three R's; Reading, 'Riting, and 'Rithmetic. Then there are those that promote three S's; Sit down, Shut up, and STOP DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

A good friend bails you out of jail. A best friend is sitting in the next cell, laughing, and saying, "That was fun, let's do it again!"

A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

When Life gives me lemons, I throw them back and punch Life in the face, really, really hard.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is the same as cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump off a bridge, I laugh harder.

To date, life has been a race between Software companies making bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe making bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

Smile. It scares people.

An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

There are easier things to do in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?

Whoever said words don't hurt have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

Sticks and stones may brake my bones, but words will eventually kill me

When someone annoys you, it takes fourty-two muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend your arm and whack them upside the head.

I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

Life isn't passing me by! It's trying to run me over!

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(Well somethings giving you permission to steal it!)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(Noooooo! sarcastic.)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Thanks for the warning! It really helped!)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought... what?...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(Darnit! I wanted to use it in space! No fair!

On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(o.o now thats a shocker)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(aww, but i was going to through them at people)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

If you are one of the few teens who don't have or want to have a myspace/facebook, or have one and want to get rid of it, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this in your profile.

90 percent of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 percent that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.

If you think High School Musical is evil and brainwashes little kids, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

PPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! If you are really random put this on your profile.

If you frequently have conversations with yourself and/or fictional characters from your favorite books, copy and paste this into your profile.

If FanFiction.Net is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

When life gives you lemons...

Genetically alter them into SUPER_LEMONS and conquer the world.

make raspberry juice and laugh at the world while they try to figure out howyou did it.

Make a super biofuel and end global warming.

plant them and help stop global warming in your own way.

Turn them into offerings for Ninja who will solve all your problems with the silence of feather and the steel of fallen samurai.

Give em to your best friend after painting em orange and tellling em it's a new kind of super sweet orange. (would that work?)

wait a bit and make sure no ones looking before chucking 'em into life's house.

Cut 'em in half and squeeze 'em in someones eyes before running away

burn 'em and hope God loves lemons.

don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give you lemons! Do you know who I am?! I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! And i'll burn it! With The Lemons!

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever run into a door copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this into your profile.

If there are times when you just want to annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something that had nothing to do with the current conversation, copy this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you're a night person, copy this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If people tend to misunderstand you copy this to your profile.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you have ever been on one train of thought but got distracted for a few seconds and forgot what it was, copy and... what was i doing?

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone their not, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want to see the world someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you've ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things in your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you’re a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is planning to dominate the world, copy this to your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents mom & dad

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would be sittin next to you sayinin man... That was awsesome!

FAKE FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will get the whole crowd that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: walk in without knocking like they live there.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it.

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are forever!

things to do at wal-mart

Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile

If you've ever written stuff on your car windows when they're covered in condensation, copy this to your profile

If you ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you really have no idea how this copy and pasting stuff started, but enjoy it anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

What to Do During an Exam

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Darn this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go ice skating.)

15. Show up completely insane (completely insane means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (I would never do that)

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Act spazzy

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Fake an heart attack. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girly-girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your pencil. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

44. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. Best friends Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (Fav color and fav animal): Black Crow

YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (The first 3 letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name, last three letters of your mom's maiden name): Manaukle

YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (Fave color, fav drink); Black Pepsi

YOUR GOTH NAME: (Black, and the name of one of your pets): Black Moxie

YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (Fav fruit and something that can go wrong): Plum Destroy

YOUR PIRATE NAME: (fav color, pirate accesory): Black Sword or Black Musket

If you are wondering what it would be like to have wings, copy and paste this into your profile!

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy and Paste if you LOVE to laugh (even if at yourself)

If you're not obsessed with Twilight or just don't like it copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list: Grimm Gal, grimmgirl, Elligoat, grimmgurl4ya, SabrinaDaphne13, iizninja, book phan44 MaxKatnissPotter

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

if olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Confucius says: Man who stand in middle of road get hit by bus.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

The one who smiles when all goes wrong has thought of someone to blame

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

Don't knock at Death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents?

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.

I am the girl that people look through when I say something.

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.

I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.

I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with books, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. If this sounds like you Copy and paste this on your profile

"Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the rain"

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent that would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy and paste this into your profile.


You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then dissappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. (well no, but I've gone though ALOT of pencils)

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

37 Things to do in an Elevator

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try.

First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct.

Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!

1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.

2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.

3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.

4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.

5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!)

6. Finally, make a wish.

And now the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.

3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.

6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.

7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.

10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true...

If you don't it will become the opposite.

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green, yellow?

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California or Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

Are you done?

If so, scroll down

(Don’t cheat--)


1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and your life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you


Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are


3. If you’re initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to


S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If you were born in:

Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you

Fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but

The memories will last forever.

July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life

Changing experience for the good.

Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your

Soul mate.

5. If you choose...

Black: Your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time

But will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do

Anything for you, but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laidback person.

9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday!

77 ways to annoy teachers (MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

#1: When the PA comes on, scream "I HEAR THE VOICES!" and run around the class room.

#2: Bring a cheesy top hat to school. When the teacher tells you to "put on your thinking cap", put it on and claim that it is your thinking cap.

#3: If the teacher stops lecturing, clap your hands and chant "Don't stop! Don't stop!"

#4: Perform the classic "pin on the teacher's chair" prank

#5: Randomly shout out "Will you be my FRIEND?" (much like Klemper!)

#6: When your reading teacher asks if you read the assignment, casually say "I saw the movie."

#7: When you are caught doing something bad, such as talking, blame it on your imaginary friend

#8: Make a really big deal out of random things

#9: Make a huge show out of going up to the board to do a problem

#10: When talking about different cities/states/countries in Social Studies, claim "I went there!" for each one

#11: Whisper loudly for no apparent reason

#12: If a teacher mentions anything having to do with a song you know, stand up and belt out that song

#13: Bring a really strong and/or disgusting perfume/body spray and permeate the air inside of the classroom

#14: If a teacher asks you a question, smile slyly and say "It's a secret," mysteriously

#15: Drop your books on the floor periodically

#16: Hack into the PA system so that every time it comes on, it plays "Barbie Girl", the "Barney" theme song, or the "GhostBusters" theme song

#17: If a teacher asks you a question, snap at them and say "Hey! I ask the questions here, not you, buster!"

#18: Draw smiley faces everywhere

#19: Stay in the bathroom for a really long time

#20: Sing the school song at random times

#21: Go crazy with whoopee cushions

#22: Whenever there is lightning/thunder, scream like a girl and dive under your desk

#23: Randomly turn to the empty desk next to you and pretend to hold it hostage

#24: Talk in an annoying accent all day

#25: Run down the halls screaming "IT'S COMING!" When asked what, scream and get in their face "Don't you know? IT'S COMING!"

#26: Host a jocks versus nerds food fight

#27: Bring a stuffed animal to school. Act like it's a live thing all day.

#28: Talk like a combination of Mr. Lancer and Technus the whole day (oh the horror…)

#29: Randomly scream "OH MY GOSH! It's Danny and/or Dani Phantom!"

#30: Hack into the computer system

#31: Bring your cell phone to class and set it for a really annoying ringtone. When it begins to ring, let it play until it's all done, then say "Oh, was that MY phone?"

#32: On a completely random day, throw a surprise birthday party for your teacher

#33: Criticize your teacher's favorite sports team

#34: Fill in your verbal answers with lots of "fillers" (that is, "ers", "ums", "uhs", etc.)

#35: On a test/worksheet, put down "I don't know" for every question, even if it's multiple choice

#36: In computer class, randomly scream "IT'S NOT WORKING!" When encountered, say "Are you BLIND? IT'S NOT WORKING!"

#37: When talking about the weather, fake a forecast in a deep weatherman voice (or act like Lance Thunder)

#38: Pose or freak out at the security cameras

#39: Repeatedly ask teachers for their autographs

#40: In the middle of a lecture, shout "HEY! I'm doing something over here you know! Jeez, some people are RUDE!"

#41: Stand outside of the classroom and act like a security guard. Ask people trying to get in for an ID

#42: During a tornado drill, grab the fire extinguisher and spray it all around

#43: Pull the fire alarm

#44: Come to school in your pajamas. When a teacher asks you about it, have a meltdown

#45: Go into the bathroom. When a teacher goes in, scream "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"

#46: "Graffiti" all over the whiteboard/chalkboard

#47: When there is a substitute, say "No, no, no, you're supposed to do it THIS way," to everything they say or do

#48: Come to school dressed as a superhero, Dora the Explorer, or Danny or Dani Phantom

#49: If the teacher is late, help out by "taking over"

#50: If you disagree about something, start a huge rebellion

#51: In band, when the teacher tells you to stop, keep playing. When he/she finally gets your attention, say "That meant to stop? I wondered why everyone else stopped playing suddenly!"

#52: Advertise a "trash the teacher's lounge" event secretly

#53: When a teacher comes down the hallway, scream and jump into your locker

#54: Talk in rhyme all day. When asked about it, blame the GhostWriter (in rhyme, of course!)

#55: Write/say all of your answers in code/another language that your teacher doesn't know

#56: Change all of the clocks

#57: Place alarm clocks in random parts of the room and set them off so that they go off every five minutes

#58: When given an assignment, break down and cry "I CAN'T DO THIS!"

#59: Wear a bag over your head

#60: Do something annoying during a test

#61: In gym, when the teacher announces you'll be wrestling/boxing, stand up and proclaim "Violence is NOT the answer!"

#62: Take a sleeping pill so that you sleep during class

#63: If a ghost comes into the class, throw the Fenton Thermos at the teacher's head and smile innocently

#64: Spill balls all over the floor

#65: Shout out random things

#66: When given an 'F', say that you failed fashionably

#67: Wear slippers to school. When encountered, say "SHH! I'm spying!" in a loud whisper

#68: Dump sticky stuff EVERYWHERE

#69: In gym class, if hit even the slightest bit, act melodramatic. When encountered by the teacher, say "I see the light" dramatically

#70: Flip everything upside down

#71: Poke teachers in the stomach repeatedly. When encountered, say "I'm seeing I you're a robot, cause you drone a lot!"

#72: Give play-by-play commentary on everything

#73: Chew gum in class and make a big deal out of it

#74: When a teacher mentions something about you or your name, yell "STOP MOCKING ME!"

#75: Keep asking for Band-Aids. When asked about it, say "I'm making a modern art masterpiece! Why must everybody criticize me?"

#76: When answering a question orally, blather on and on

#77: Get all of the kids to do a "High School Musical" thing all day

Sad poem:

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in you're heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2) ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)

Engineering: ‘How will this work?’ Science: 'Why will this work?' Management: 'When will this work?' Liberal Arts: ‘Do you want fries with that?'" –Unknown

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe striving to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." --Rich Cook

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.” – Unknown

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown
“He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." i dissagree ~Herm Albright

Firefighter: “At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.”

"There's no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it." -That-Guy-With-The-Glasses

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you!”
Woman: “But would you stay there?”

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next." "Your next.” Well they stopped doing that crap when I started to do it to them at funerals.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Angry people need hugs (or sharp objects).

Don't smoke and throw the butts on the floor. The cockroches are getting cancer!

An apple a day keeps everyone away, as long as you throw them hard enough.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door. or getting me to go to a school dance with out bribery $.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Scared to remember, terrified to forget

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

My name is Tiffany, I am three, My eyes are swollen,I cannot see, I must be stupid,I must be bad, What else could have made my dad so mad? I wish I were better,

I wish I weren't ugly,Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me. I can't do a wrong, I can't speek at all or else I'm locked up, all day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone the house is all dark, my folk arent at home when my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice, so maybe I'll just get, one whipping tonight.

I just heard a car, my daddy is back from Charlie's bar.

I press my self againts the wall. I try to hide, from his evil eyes, I'm so afraid now, I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping, calls me ugly words he says its my fault he suffers at work. He slaps and hits me and yells at more, I finally get free and run to the door.

He's already locked it, and I start to bawl, he takes me and throws me against the hard wall I fall to the floor, with my bones nearly broken and my daddy continues, with more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!", I scream, but its now much to late his face has been twisted, into an unimaginable shape the hurt and the pain, again and again

O please God have mercy, O please let it end! And he finnaly stops, and heads for the door, while I lay there motionles. Brawled on the floor. My name is Tiffany

I am three, tonight my daddy murdered me.

If you read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgivness because you would have to be one heartless person, to not be effected by this Poem, and because you are effected do something about it! Si I'll ask you to do, is pass it on!


Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: no, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

Ever wonder...

where we are headed...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made withartificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Month one

I'm only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of you voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sounf of you heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could se me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It's so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad
It makes me sad too.
and I cry even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

my hair is starting to grow.
It's very short and fine
but I will have alot of it
I spend alot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and streach my arms and legs.
I'm becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Somethings intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP ME!

Month Seven

I'm okay.
I'm in Jesus's arms.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just:

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak. :'(

If you are against abortion then copy and paste this on you profile.

This is a true story:

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of s!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

(add this to your profile if your against child abuse)

Ways to annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when it's your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit in the front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! If you could read that, put it in your profile! (awesomeness, no?)

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crud up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your paper would protect you

Hair Coloring: Do not use as an ice cream topping.(Awww! Dangit! It would have made such a great strawberry syrup!)

Railroad Sign: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Wouldn't they be already dead?)

Blanket from Taiwan: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado.(Super-blanket!)

If you have annoying siblings, copy/paste this on your profile!

Thank you for reading my profile! It is EXTREMELY long!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dying is Easy Coming Back? Not So Much by emeralgreenlove reviews
Everyone thinks Max is dead-they think she went down in a fight, so they left. Max wakes up to find herself in the School and is there for two years before she can come back, but she isn't alone. She has a daughter and new friends. The Whitecoats made her pregnant by insemination and she'd like to find out who the man who impregnated her with her baby. Fax.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 23,861 - Reviews: 149 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 11/24/2013 - Published: 8/24/2011 - Fang, Max
Maximum Ride: the Fight for Family by Chenoa6 reviews
The flock move to Privet Drive. Keeping their secret isn't easy, but theirs isn't the only secret to uncover. Worlds collide when science meets magic, and the flock struggle to stay together, with new enemies in and out of school. Full summary inside.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 18 - Words: 22,007 - Reviews: 373 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 6/9/2013 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Max
Survival of the Fittest by The Jade Empress reviews
The flock kicked Max out thinking that she was working for the school. It's two years later and the flock believes she is dead, but they couldn't be more wrong. Now Max has a new family, the Rebels, which contains five other extraordinary girls.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 54,633 - Reviews: 340 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 11/4/2012 - Published: 6/24/2011 - Max
The Devil's Choice by animalcrackersoup reviews
Max dies in a taxi accident and is sent to hell to face Lucifer. She must take a test to see if she is worthy of living again. Her test is on care. Can she care for and love Fang when she finds out his secret? Only fate will decide. FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,409 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 8/13/2012 - Published: 4/18/2012 - Max, Fang
Back Street Kids by CrazyLittleKookoo reviews
Max has a hard life, a drunk mothers and her abusive boyfriend and two siblings to raise. As well as finding the rent, even if it means through illegal means. Fang has it easy...Full summary inside. All Human, similar but different to others. FAX EGGY
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 28,174 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 5/7/2012 - Published: 9/2/2011 - Max, Fang
I Hate Wonder Woman by CleCleisCool reviews
Fang is not looking forward to getting a new exchange student, Max. In fact, when Max arrives, Fang hates her even more, because she is being a lil-miss-perfect. But what happens when he learns that perfect isn't so perfect? Better than summary! Plz R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 41,625 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 3/26/2012 - Published: 8/21/2011 - Fang, Max
Me? Fly? Nah by Crying Ink reviews
Max goes to Gallagher Academy on a mission to infiltrate the Academy's library of files with so many secrets, hundreds of agents would give their lives to make sure they never saw daylight. So of course Max has to stroll right in! T because I am paranoid
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Gallagher Girls - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 35,453 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 1/28/2012 - Published: 3/13/2011 - Max, Cammie M. - Complete
Heartbreaker by Darkkiss15 reviews
My name is Nicolas "Fang" Ride. I'm twenty-four years old and I break up couples for a living. This is my team: Ella Griffth, my sister, and James "Iggy" Griffth, her husband. We have never failed with anyone, but one girl just won't cooperate.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,782 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 1/8/2012 - Published: 2/23/2011 - Max, Fang
The Collision of Myths and Birds by Naureen97 reviews
What happens when both Fang's and Max's flocks decide to go to Manhattan to take a little break? How will they react to Percy Jackson and co.? Full summary's inside. INCOMPLETE
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,377 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 12/19/2011 - Published: 9/5/2011
The 3 Sisters by gonnabfamous01 reviews
Max gets kicked out of the flock, and is left with nothing. Soon, she gets captured by the school and feels defeated.Later, She gets new powers, finds that she 2 sisters, and together they create a flock. But what if, Max's old flock needs her help?
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,272 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 10/11/2011 - Published: 9/7/2011