Author has written 14 stories for Harry Potter, Inheritance Cycle, Warriors, Maximum Ride, Hunger Games, Mortal Instruments, Lorien Legacies, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, and Uglies.
Hey! I'm MaximumRideFangLover97, or just FangLover. Either one's just fine. I have a few freinds on this site (if you want to read some really good stories, go check their's out!). They are:
KittyShadesTs: 2 stories:
oOStarryEyedOo: 25 stories:
OoOBubbletasticOoO: 6 stories
And of course, there's my stories (12 of them):
My possible stories (may show up any time from tomorrow to three years from now):
Go check me out on FictionPress. My penname there is ReaderWriter1616. I have one story.
103 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART (I don't own)
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!... Take me with you!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
16. Walk up to random people and ask them where the lederhosens are.
17. Leave a gun on the floor where they keep the anti-depressents, and a trail of ketchup leading to the nearest exit.
18. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and placing them at strategic locations.
19. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
20. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
21. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.
22. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
23. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
24. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
25. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
26. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and candy".
27. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 7 in Housewares," and see what happens.
28. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them all off and turn up all the volumes to the max.
29. Play with the automatic doors.
30. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
31. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
32. Repeat #31 in the jewelry department.
33. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
34. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
35. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
36. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
37. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
38. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
39. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
40. TP as much of the store as possible.
41. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
42. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hell" upside down.
43. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
44. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
45. Take bets on the battle described above.
46. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
47. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
48. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
49. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
50. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
51. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
52. Two words: "Marco Polo."
53. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
54. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
55. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
56. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
57. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
58. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
59. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
60. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
61. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
62. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
63. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
64. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
65. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
66. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
67. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
68. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
63. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
64. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
65. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
66. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
67. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
68. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
69. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
70. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
71. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
72. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
73. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"
74. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
75. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
76. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
77. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
78. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
79. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
80. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
81. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
82. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
83. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
84. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
85. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
86. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.
87. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"
88. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
89. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
90. Take a leak in the dressing rooms. (That's just sick, so I snuck my friends dog in Walmart, and he did it! So, that counts!)
91. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
92. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.
93. Rearrange items as you see fit.
94. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
95. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.
96. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).
97. Do #96 but with the same sex (not recomended).
98. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
99. Follow someone until they notice.
100. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7 Up commercial.
101. Throw Skittles at people and scream "TASTE THE RAINBOW!"
102. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here
103. Hide in a clothing rack with an alarm clock (preferably one of the ones that rings). Set the alarm clock to go off in a couple seconds, but when it goes off DO NOT PRESS THE SNOOZE BUTTON. Wait until someone comes looking for the source of the noise. When they are about two racks away, turn the alarm off. wait until they walk away, then repeat. Keep doing this until someone finds you, then hold the alarm clock up and look at it, saying, "I think there's a cricket in here!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things.
HOW TO BE ANNOYING IN AN ELEVATOR (I don't own)
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. Say "DING" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug" then enforce it.
If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you think Fang is hot...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday.
If you have pulled a Max: You have made a snap decision and decided to do it without thinking it through first.
If you dip your french fries in you milkshake, copy this to your profile
If several inanimate objects hate you, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever pranked a parent, teacher, or both, put this on your profile.
If you have a crush on 1 or more fictional characters, paste this on your profile.(you know who you are ;D)
If you have a ton of random copy and paste thingys on your profile, heres another for the collection
If you've ever randomly sniffed a marker to see if you get can get high off it, put this on your profile
If your reading this right now, put this on your profile.
If you love all things "cute 'n fluffy", copy this to your profile
If you've ever run into a glass door, copy this onto your profile
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever fallen off your chair in school, put this in your profile.
Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, write this to your profile.
Too many people are on crack. If you're not, then add this to your profile
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent that hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.
If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you laughed out loud when reading Maximum Ride copy this to your profile.
If you think Max and Fang should just get over themselves and get together already, copy this onto your profile.
If you read peoples profiles looking for something to copy and paste on your profile, put this in your profile... cause you've been looking for it.
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this on your profile.
If you've read The Sisters Grimm and think Puck and Sabrina should just get to-friggin'-gether already, copy and paste this to your profile.
92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them breathing was uncool. Copy this on your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.
If you ever read past 2 in the morning, copy this on your profile.
If you think guys with foriegn accents are AWESOME, paste this into your profile.
If you get way too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the conversation, copy this on your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. (screaming counts)
If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and see if ohtres can raed it.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If people say you read too much, copy this into your profile.
If you would kill to have super powers, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this to your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.
If you think Fang is Fangalicious, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you wish you were Max Ride just so you could make out with Fang, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this is your profile.
If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you were going to say it, put this on your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for five consecutive minutes or more, place this on your profile.
If you and/or your best friend(s) are insane, put this on your profile.
If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy this into your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy this on your profile.
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
You spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste.
If you have ever been worried for another person, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever shouted a random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you have a story in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
You know you're a writer...
-If you talk to yourself.
You know you lived in 2010 when...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
· If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?
I'm not suffering from insanity...I'm enjoying every minute of it!
We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.
Whoever said "anything is possible" never tried to slam a revolving door.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Life is uncertain... eat dessert first.
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
I'm not so good with advice. May I offer a sarcastic comment?
I get plenty of exercise; jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Never knock on death's door. Ring the door bell and run like heck. He hates it.
Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight of stairs.
There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.
I'm not mean, I just say what most people keep in their heads.
You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
Be the type of woman, that when your feet land on the floor when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil thinks: "Oh, crap! She's up!"
I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun
I ran with scissors, and lived!
A day without sunshine is like...Night.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
This morning, I woke up and asked myself: "I wonder what I can do to piss someone off today...?"
I'm the type of person who laughs three times at a joke. Once when it's told, once when it's explained to me, and once five minutes later when I actually get it.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
I love Deadlines! I like the whoosh noise they make as they go by.
Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back.
In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat.
If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicians left.
Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.
Rules are like paper clips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
--Boys are like trees-- they take fifty years to grow up.
--My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
--Your mom looks like VOLDEMORT!! (Noooooo!!!! You said You-Know-Who's name!!!!)
--Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
--I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. (cough Katie cough)
--There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, now that's weird.
--Being mature is overrated.
--Being weird is like being normal, only better.
--I see regular people!
--I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
--I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
--Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.
--Smile... it confuses people.
--Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
--I told my boyfriend he was gay and he hit me with his purse.
--Palm Reader: -gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."
--Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
--I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!
--One out of four people are insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.
--They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
--When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.
--I don't obsess, I think intensely.
--Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
--Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.
--When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
--Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hit me in the face.
--Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
--Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly
--An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
--You call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark grows on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, thanks for noticing.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.
We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You just jumped off a bridge... I'm gonna miss your sorry butt.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. So it's one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu...I think it's Collin.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going, "We messed up, huh?"
Keep staring I might do a trick.
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after I found it?
If life gives you lemons, throw them back, and yell I WANT JACOB BLACK!
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
AND, look how far butt kissing will take you.
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the foolishness and butt kissing that will put you over the top.
30 Ways to get Kicked Out of Walmart
1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" andpush them behind a shelf
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Little late, don'tcha think?)
A black man walked into a restaurant and sat down. A white waiter approached him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen, sir...When I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll be BLACK. But you, sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turn RED, when you're cold you turn BLUE, and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored? Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy ayway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
When in doubt, push random buttons!
You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking
You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
I'm not as dumb as you look
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines.
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.
It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.
No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.
I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.
Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.
Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.
When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.
When all else fails, use duct tape.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If she isn't there the first time you need her, chances are you won't be needing her again
My Reality Check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon."
"There are 1000 ways I could kill you, and 941 of them hurt."
"So what do the other 59 of them do? Tickle?"
I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.
I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?
Earth is full. Go home.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." - Unknown
"He who laughs last didn't get it." - Unknown
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.
You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
"Love your enemies! It really ticks them off"
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn"
when life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at stupid people
"Being normal is for freaks."
Live life to the Max and have the Ride of your life.
Live fighting, to die free, to live free, to die fighting
When life gives you hell, you charge in with a bucket of water.
The best way to stop a war is to fight it (which is true this day and age)
To know the dark you need to know the light.
Flames burning, heads turning, I'm crashing and burning.
If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!
If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste this into your profile. This is from Fang's Blog.
You Know You're Obsessed With Maximum Ride When...
1. You're friends think you're crazy for being obsessed with six flying kids and their talking dog.
MAXIMUM RIDE ROCKS!
I like hardcover books, because every time someone says that reading is stupid, I smack them with whatever book I have on hand.
Love? I'd rather fall in chocolate.
Yes, I hit like a girl. You would too if you hit a little bit harder.
The only thing better than chocolate is a good friend with chocolate
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them into Life's eyes and see how Life likes lemons then!
Remember there's a light at the end of every tunnel, just make sure its not a train.
Don't take life too seriously, it's not like you're getting out alive
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
Tough times never last, but tough people do
Imagination is more important than knowledge
You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had
Yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil
You laugh because I'm different...I laugh cause I just farted!
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car
If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book
Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me here
Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face.
Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down
On a scale from Waldo to Anne Frank, how good was that hiding spot?
"Are you sarcastic?” “Well no duh!”
This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
93% percent of people would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, zeusgirl39, 7Cerberus7, Cadisha Ora Rhaksha Caden, Psychopathic FanGirl, Wingsthatfly, MaximumRideFangLover97
88% of teenagers think that reading is a waste of time. Copy and paste this into your profile if your the 12% that thinks those people are nut jobs.
If you think sometimes songs really speak to you, paste this on your profile.
This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
If you ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy and paste this in your profile.
List your top ten favorite Maximum Ride characters in no particular order.
If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy and paste this in your profile.
If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it copy this into your profile. (had my phone for four years now. still gotta memorize my number)
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or the vise versa copy this into your profile. (hmm... how many times have i done that today? 5? 10?)
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on), copy this in your profile.
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like cake.
If you wish you were a Clan cat with a cool name, copy and paste this to your Profile.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN ON YOUTUBE FOR MORE THAN 5 HOURS PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE.
If anyone has ever called you crazy, paste this to your profile.
If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you've read The Sisters Grimm and think Puck and Sabrina should just get to-friggin'-gether already, copy and paste this to your profile.
YOUR REAL NAME:
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/Chapstick.
MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:
1. Do you think Iggy is hot?
Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!
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