You have been diagnosed
"An Apple a Day keeps the doctor away; But if the doctor is Carlisle, screw the fruit"
AACD is Addicted to All Cullens Disorder
AV is Addicted to Vampires
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
If you are addicted to Vampires post this onto your profile.
If your so addicted to fanfiction that you can't get to sleep at night because your mind is going on with the story your writing or reading copy and paste in profile
I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
When a Volvo drives through town
I promise to obey traffic laws
Of course for Charlie's sake
And whenever a wolf howls,
I promise to remember Jake
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know
19 things to do at wal-mart:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
17. Throw skittles at people and yell, "Taste the rainbow!'
18. Go the toy section, get a light-saber and start challaging people to a jedi match.
19. Follow a random person and if they turn and ask why are you following me yell, "No I won't have sex with you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things and add another one to the list! XD
Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater; give her sperm she will make a baby; give her a house she will make you a home, give her groceries she will give you a meal, give her a smile she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her any crap, be ready to recieve a ton of shit
And if it snows , she will shovel, if we are late she will drive , if were drunk she'll throw us out and laugh at us ... god i love her ...
"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe
I posted the following because It's a personal reminder to me. (Thanks nails233!!!)
WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE:
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy:No, this is fun.
Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy:Then tell me you love me.
Girl:I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love.
What’s the last book you read? Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James
What's on your T.V right now? It is off right now
Who's the last person you talked to and what did they say? My daughter Susan about getting her chores done
Where are you? at home
What was the last thing you ate/drink? Coffee
What's your personality like? kind of moody, but generally nice as long as people don't piss me off
What was the last thing you thought? That I really need to get off fanfiction but here I am an hour later
Reach out and grab the closest thing to you. What is it? My cell phone
What are you eating/drinking right now? Coffee
Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 18 and find line nine. What is it? Add a dash of soy sauce, a drop of Tabasco, or a spoonful of ketchup and the flavor of a dish can be transformed. Cooking Essentials, Mary Berry, Marlena Spieler, Photography by Dave King (Special Edition for the Cooking Club of America) copyright 1999
What's it like being you? Mother of triplets--it gets annoying after 20 years people asking me how I did it when they were babies--I do enjoy reading and watching TV and having alone time. I overthink everything and always think about what to say before I say it. I also proofread everything I read and I have two pet peeves--one is misspelled words and incorrect grammar in anything I read or write and people who put the toilet paper on upside down so that it goes on the floor
What was the last thing you cooked? Chicken for last night's dinner
Who is your favorite author ever? Anne Rice
What are you writing RIGHT NOW? I'm working on a fanfiction about Twilight
What music are you listening to? Classic rock on the radio
Here's 100 random questions:
1) Are you in a relationship with somebody? Yes, I'm married to MY Edward (his name is Eric)
2) Do you hate more than 3 people?Possibly
3) How many houses have you lived in? Too many to count
4) Favorite candy bar? Kit Kat
5) Favorite shoes? Black pumps
6) Have you ever tripped someone? No
7) Least favorite school subject? Math
9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? Would my husband's count?
10) Have you ever thrown up in public? Yes...sadly
11) Name one thing that is always on your mind. Family
12) Favorite genre of music? 80s music
13) What is your zodiac sign? Cancer
14) What time were you born? 1:30 p.m.
15) Do you like beer? yes
16) Ever made a prank phone call? yes
17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? I'm not embarrassed by any of them because I like all types of music
18) Are you sarcastic? From time to time (usually when people tell me something obvious)
19) What are your favorite colors? pink, sage green, cobalt blue
20) How many watches do you own? one
21) Summer or winter? summer
23) Favorite color to wear? red or burgundy
24) Pepsi or Sprite? Pepsi
25) What color is your cell phone? red but pink gel skin
26) Where is your second home? Maui, Hawaii
27) Have you ever slapped someone? Yes
28) Have you ever had a cavity? Yes... Lots
29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? Two
30) How many video games do you own? Too many to count
31) What was your first pet? a puppy named Candy
32) Ever had braces? No
33) Do looks matter? Sometimes
34) Do you use chapstick? Sometimes
35) Name 3 teachers from your High School. Mrs. Lutz, Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Strong
36) American Eagle or Abercombie? Neither
37) Are you too forgiving? Always
38) How many children do you want? At least one more
39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? No
40) Favorite breakfast meal? Waffles and bacon
41) Do you own a gun? Too scared of them
42) Ever thought you were in love? Before I met my current husband, no
43) When was the last time you cried?Last week
44) What did you do 3 nights ago? Cleaned house
45) Olive Garden? La Panera? Olive Garden
46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy? No
47) Have you ever been in a castle? Not that I can think of
48) Nicknames? Chell, honeybee
49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? Yes, my grandmother's sister
50) Ever been to Kentucky? Does flying over count?
51) Do you own something from Banana Republic? yes
52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? yes
53) Have you ever called someone Boo? No
55) Do you own a diamond ring? Yes
56) Are you happy with your life right now? For the most part
57) Do you dye your hair? yes
58) Does anyone like you? possibly
59) What year were you born? 1971
60) What were you doing in May of 1994? Working at a restaurant and married to my first husband
61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? yes
62) McDonalds or Wendys? Wendy's
63) Do you like yourself? I love myself
64) Are you closer to your mother or father? My dad
65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? Eyes... definitely eyes
66) Are you afraid of the dark? No
67) Have you ever eaten paste? No
68) Do you own a webcam? No
69) Have you ever stripped? Just for my husband
70) Ever broke a bone? No
72) Do you chat on AIM often? Never
73) Pringles or Lays? Both
74) Have you ever broken someone's heart? yes
75) Rugrats or Doug? None
76) Full House or The Brady Bunch? Full House
77) Do you like your high school guidance counselor? I hated him
78) Has anyone ever called you fat? no
79) Do you have a birth mark? Yes
80) Do you own a car? yes
81) Can you cook? Yes
82) 3 things that annoy you:
1. Right now my dog Sadie constantly asking to go outside when I'm on the computer
2. People who drive too slow
3. People who think that they're better than everyone else
83) Do you text message often? yes
84) Money or love? Love
85) Do you have any scars? yes
86) What do you want more than anything right now? To be completely debt free
87) Do you enjoy scary movies? yes
88) Relationships or one night stands? Relationships
89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit? Juicy Fruit
90) Do you enjoy greasy food? Sometimes... depends what I'm in the mood for
91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? Unfortunately
92) Do you own a box of crayons? Yes, and they were a pain to find
94) Who was the last person that said they loved you? My husband
95) Who was the last person that made you mad? My daughter's doctor's office
96) Who was the last person that made you cry? Edward in BDP2
97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? My daughters
98) Who was the last person that you fell for? My husband
99) Who was the last person that instant messaged you? My sister
100) Who was the last person that called you? My father in law
Ways to make sure you're insane
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk .
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme .
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!!"
If you have ever had a conversation with your self copy and paste this to your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever lost someone (cats count) you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile. (Well,im insane too.)
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
(If this offends ANYONE in ANY way, itz not my fault. I got this from someone else!! I am NOT liable!)
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ...do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Or kill any of those bugs or spiders?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
To learn Edward's slang, go to
Alice steals his style and Jasper's, as she remembers nothing herself. Jasper's slang is 1860's, Rosalie's is 1930's, Emmett's is 1935, and Esme's is 1910's.
Carlisle uses vintage Regency slang which I find in period pieces. He also uses pre-Cockney expressions. (Thanks jmolly)
Random facts about me:
1. I can relate just about anything that happens in real life to Twilight
2. I have 5 Boxer dogs--Lexi, Petey, Lucy, Tyson and Sadie
3. I am the mother of triplet daughters who are in college
4. My husband and I almost never argue or fight
5. My husband never says no to me--whether I want something or want to do something to my house
6. I fix just about everything in our house--my husband really doesn't know which end of a screwdriver to use and it drives my husband crazy
7. My daughter and I text Twilight quotes to each other
8. All of my dogs have at least 2 nicknames
9. I can see spirits and have been able to since I was a little girl
10. I am starting a dog treat business
11. We don't keep secrets in our house...we have pinky promises ;)