Author has written 10 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Addams Family, and Sherlock.
Call me Noose. I'm a stickler for spelling, punctuation, and all those other hoity-toity things. I like the smell of honeysuckle and jack-fruit, the squishy feel of sinking into sand, blowing bubbles, the smell of burning paper, and hedgehog-shaped pencil-sharpeners.
If I review your story, it will to praise you or give constructive criticism, because I don't believe in writing negative reviews. I will tell you if you need to separate your paragraphs better, but I will NOT tell you if I think your plot points suck, because that is a personal opinion, not a fact; I will keep my personal opinions where they belong: in my own work. If you want an opinion from me on something you've written, PM me.
I'm the sort of person that loves a thing and ends up trying to make it better; this is why I do fanfiction, I love the original story so much, I'll sit and think of all the ways it could be made even more interesting to me. I do this for fanfics by other authors as well, though I keep those mostly to myself. I don't appreciate being accused of plagiarism, especially when I have it clearly stated that my stories are based off other fics and WILL contain recognizable content. It's stated clearly in the summaries and the disclaimers as well; it is NOT my fault if you are apparently too illiterate to even understand a story blurb.
Considering none of the authors of the stories I've fic'ed have come screaming at me, I don't know why anyone else would do so. I've messaged them for permission, but it seems neither of them have anything to do with ff.net anymore, and they haven't told me no. Neither have been active in years. If they ever come back and tell me to take down what I have up, I will, but none of YOU have the right to make any demands of me.
I DO NOT WRITE SLASH.
Let's just get that out in the open right now. I've gotten comments about being concerned that my stories will turn out as slash/femslash or that they should. Do not fear and/or sorry to disappoint but any relationships that take center stage will be het. I like reading slash myself but I don't write it.
I have no problems with same-gender relationships, I just don't write about them because I know I won't get how they actually work correct. I know that who's top/bottom doesn't always stay the same and that there's no 'wo/man' in the relationships, but I'm not going to write about something that should be realistic like a relationship when I have no practical experience with it myself. I'm an asexual female that's dated one guy for maybe a year before deciding that I didn't care for being with anyone; I don't understand romantic or sexual attachment, especially from a different gender's point of view. I am literally not physically capable.
"Why do you make Harry a girl if you won't put her in a relationship?"
This is more of what I was talking about practical experience. I'm a girl; I know how girls think and behave. The beauty of Rowling's characterization of Harry Potter is that he could easily be turned into a girl with only a few small changes. The only parts where Harry's distinctly male is when he's dealing with crushes on girls, and even then it's like he's just going through the motions; he could easily homosexual. Because I prefer writing from a female point of view, Harry changes into a girl for the sake of convenience.
Unless my story starts out with him initially being a boy, Harry being a girl is not a plot device. I don't want to get any more comments telling me that unless I stick Harry with a guy or have her do something exclusively female, my making Harry a girl is pointless. How many stories are out there with Harry having his name changed to something like Hadrian, or more lordships than he has fingers and toes to count on and the story has nothing to do with those things? Don't give me any crap just because I don't cling to gender-identity.
STOP THE MADNESS
I can hardly begin to express how tired I am of reading 'chuckle' in a story. There are so many other synonyms for laugh out there but it's like everyone has forgotten they exist! Chortle; crack up; giggle; guffaw; snicker; snort; titter; snigger; cackle; yuk; burst out laughing; howl/roar/hoot with laughter, split one's side, double up; all of these and still 'chuckle' gets the most use. It's been used so often that it's starting to lose all meaning to me, which means that really hot, dangerous character you're trying to make all suave and smooth? Yeah, he's just been made a try-hard poser in my eyes.
And if it wasn't enough that every character is always chuckling, every character is always chuckling.
Tell me something: what sense does it make for a little kid or a flighty character to chuckle? They don't have that sense of maturity and almost masculinity that comes with the connotation 'chuckle'! Indulgent grandparents chuckle; schmoozing politicians chuckle; Hugh Jackman as Wolverine chuckles; the comic relief in a story and/or any child under the age of consent can snigger or guffaw at most. I don't care if the character is in a de-aged body, or extremely mature, them chuckling is as out of place as every attractive person in a story being described as 'aristocratic'. (You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.)
On top of that, 'chuckle' is rarely used when it would actually suit the mood of the story. The definition of the word is 'a soft laugh, usually of satisfaction'. Did you read that? A soft laugh, one of satisfaction. You don't chuckle after a good joke or from excited glee, you chuckle from a fond memory or during a quiet conversation with a loved one. Stop making Naruto, or Harry Potter, Tsuna, or whoever else that doesn't have the right personality chuckle. They're usually early teens when you write them! They don't have the personality for serious, intimate conversations!
And for the love of all that is, stop making women chuckle. I think this one's actually more of a personal opinion, but it feels as jarring to me as reading about a grown-ass man giggling or tittering.
And as Hibari Kyouya stood over the battered form of the herbivores he had bitten into submission, he giggled with righteousness.
Connotation, people. It might not be in the strict definition, but there's a reason why English has so many words that mean basically the same thing. We naturally associate moods and genders with certain words. In the way that 'striding down the street' is different from 'ambling down the street' you can't just throw around descriptive synonyms like it doesn't matter how the words put images in your mind.
Imagine that a princess had just been saved from a dragon, and instead of giggling when her rescuers said something witty, she chortled.
“Hohoho!” the princess chortled, gripping at her belly. “Now take me back to my kingdom in the North Pole so we can be married at once!”
It was then that the knight realized he had made a terrible mistake.
It's absurd! And absurd is exactly what I think of all the 'chuckles' strewn about as if it was the only word in the dictionary. You can't read any sort of fanfic without tripping over the 'chuckles' coming from every character and their grandmothers. Think it through, people! Stop making that little girl who's blowing bubbles chuckle.
Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers
Alright now, ye floundering, uninformed masses, 'tis time to learn how to actually use that 'fancy language' you insist on including in your writing! This is Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers! Prepare to take notes, because this will be included on the test! (The test being me reading your stories and counting how many times I have to facepalm.)
Let's start with the simplest one: Who versus Whom.
To best understand how to use these similar words in a sentence, it helps to think of them in the same way we use 'they' and 'them'. 'Who' is nominative like 'they', meaning it's the name of the subject. 'Who' is the one that gives action.
Example: “Who gave you that drink? They gave it to me.”
In contrast, 'whom' is objective like 'them', meaning it's the thing being acted upon. 'Whom' receives the action.
Example: “Whom did you give that drink to? I gave the drink to them.”
Got that? If you're actually taking notes, take a moment now to write a few practice sentences using both 'who' and 'whom' correctly. If you're feeling uncertain, use 'they' and 'them' as responses to your sentences to check if you're doing it properly. All you need to remember is that 'who' goes with 'they', and 'whom' goes with 'them'.
Next up: Thee and Thou versus You (and the often overlooked Ye).
What a lot of fanfic writers seem to not know is that you was also used back in the time when 'thee' and 'thou' were used commonly. 'You' is simply the plural form of 'thee', and was used when addressing multiple people or someone of higher rank. Thee and thou are NOT formal! In fact, if you were to talk to someone you should be respectful of in singular form, it was considered incredibly rude and patronizing! Singular form is meant for servants, children (as long as those children weren't of higher ranking than you), your spouse, animals, inanimate objects, people you're insulting, close friends, and God (because you were presumed to be close to God). Please remember this when you have a scene that takes place with aristocrats and royals!
Now: how to know if a sentence uses 'thee' or 'thou'. 'They' and 'them' help us here once again!
'Thou' is nominative, which — if you remembered from a few paragraphs back — means that it's the name of the subject taking action.
Example: “Whence hast thou come from, whither hast thou gone? Whence hast thou come from, Cotton-Eye John? They and I came from thence.”
And if you haven't already caught on, 'thee' is objective like 'them'.
Example: “Never shall I give thee up, never shall I let thee down! I shall gift all my troubles to them.”
Ignore the old variations of 'where' and 'there' for now (which I'll explain in a moment), and please write out practice sentences like you did before.
At this point, you should already know how 'ye' and 'you' are different. I would explain it out in detail again, but this is supposed to be an abbreviated lesson, so all you really have to remember in this case is that 'ye' is the plural form of 'thou', and 'you' is the plural form of 'thee'. Obviously, in modern-day English, one can use 'you' for both nominative and objective as well as both plural and singular, but it is technically most correctly used as a plural objective.
Example: “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Now the worst part: Conjugation of Verbs.
Perhaps the most difficult part of all this is conjugating the verbs. Honestly languages that are derived from Latin — like Spanish and French, and English, who steals words from everyone — are the worst languages to get into if you suck at conjugating. And the older form of English I'm trying to teach you now is even worse than what you had to learn in primary school!
In any language, one of the first verbs we learn is to do, so it would make sense that we do the same thing here. At this time, I really do recommend taking down notes if you haven't been doing so thus far because this is going to take some practice if you really want to get it right.
The informal, second person singular — the one that uses 'thou' — uses -t, -st, and -est endings.
Examples: “How dost thou?”; “Wouldst thou give this day praise?”; “If thou lovest me, thou mayst kiss my cheek.”; “Thou wert a naughty lad!”
The third person singular — the one that uses he/she/it — uses the -eth and -th endings.
Examples: “She doth smile on her daughter. “; “Ah, she becometh flush'd when he speaketh to her!”
It's all a bit mind-boggling, but luckily there is no need for any additional endings in the case of plural subjects. Continue to say the plural as you normally would!
Examples: “Do ye?”; “They do.”
There are some irregular verbs of course. In the case of 'will' and 'shall', they become 'wilt' and 'shalt' when used with thee or thou.
Now! Fancy language conventions to make your writing feel authentic.
Remember those super fancy variations of 'where' and 'there' I used in an earlier example? There are some for 'here' as well. We use 'where', 'there', and 'here' pretty willy-nilly now, but people back in the day were much more structured in their language.
'Whence' means 'from where'; 'Whither' means 'towards where'.
Example: “Whence hast thou come? Whither hast thou gone?”
In the earlier example, I said, “Whence hast thou come from?” adding 'from' to the sentence, but that's an unnecessary inclusion that would make the sentence the equivalent of “From where did you come from?” and that sounds a bit silly, doesn't it?
Following 'whence' and 'whither', I'm trusting you to have already realized what 'hence', 'hither', 'thence', and 'thither' mean. You've likely read them before in English class if you attended secondary school in America and the U.K.
Examples: “Get thee hence!”; “She darted hither and thither.”
Going along with the rest of the 'Who, what, when, where, why, and how?' sequence, we have 'wherefore', meaning 'why?'; 'wherein', meaning 'in what location/in which?'; 'whereof', meaning 'of what?'; and 'whereby', meaning 'how?'. They really loved 'where' variations back then, but they didn't love it enough to give it a variation for 'when'. Sadly — or fortunately in your case — 'when' is still just 'when'. Well, 'whenas' could be used to make it sound 'fancy', but 'when' by itself is also correct.
Another thing you should take in consideration is that they didn't use 'because' back then, so you have to choose between a handful of other words that mean approximately the same thing in context. 'Herein' means 'in this matter' or 'arising from this'; 'Hereat' means 'as a result of this'; and 'Hereupon' means 'as a result of this', but it can also mean 'after that'.
Example 1: “I forgot to spell-check my English assignment before I turned it in, and herein lies why my teacher gave me such a poor grade.”
Example 2: “I ate a juicy steak, and the animal-rights fanatics were greatly distressed hereat.”
Example 3: “I was reading fanfiction all day yesterday instead of doing housework. Hereupon I had my computer taken from me.”; “My brother sent me a video of what he said was the best song ever. Hereupon I discovered it was Crank That by Soulja Boy on repeat.”
Just get creative! If you force yourself to think in these terms occasionally when you write, when it comes time to write in modern-day English, it'll flow down the page as quickly as butter!
At this point, my lesson is starting to trickle off. I can't think of much else you might need to know . . .
Oh! I suppose you should know that 'my' and 'thy' are altered in the same way as 'a' when it's followed by a vowel sound. 'A' cup/'My' cup/'Thy' cup changes into 'an' apple/'mine' apple/'thine' apple. Also 'thine' is used as a singular form of 'yours', so a sentence would go something like “This apple is 'mine'; that fig is 'thine'.”
Also, I suppose it might be useful for you to know that 'aught' was used in place of 'anything', and 'naught' for 'nothing'. Just make sure you don't mix these words up with their homophones! 'Aught' is not 'ought' —which means 'should' — and 'naught' definitely isn't 'not', 'knot', or — if your using British English — 'nought'.
And thus concludes Professor Noose's Abbreviated Course on Extremely English for Fanfiction Writers! If you have any questions, see me after class! (Or rather, PM me with yours questions.)
I have a yahoo group if you want to check out plot-bunnies and a rather long spell list. Search for Hi_News. It hasn't been updated since I made it, but you could borrow ideas and spells if you want.
DECEMBER 31 2015 NOTICE
On top of RL stuff taking priority, I'm having computer troubles as well. My laptop refuses to connect to the Internet the majority of the time, and for some reason, the files that I try to save just won't. I'm actually typing this notice up from my tablet right now, and correcting spelling errors is a real bitch on this thing. I will still be working on chapters when I can, but it's slow going, and I don't have a definite date for when I'll have a new setup ready for my usual heavy use.
I'll still be lurking and reading in the mean time though, so hit me up with a PM if you have any questions. And if you have an idea for Scream and Shout, PLEASE message me about it! It's been on hold for so long partially because I put it out of my mind in favor of other fics and mostly because I didn't get any suggestions after I posted the sixth chapter. I have a vague story-line for it in my head, but I could really use some help.
JANUARY 15 2016 NOTICE
Computer has been fixed, but still bogged down with lesson-plan work and creating informational handouts. In a really cruddy mood for writing because all my saved work has been lost. Hope to have some chapters ready by the end of month, but feeling pretty depressed.
MARCH 9 2016 NOTICE
So, I figured out what the hell was wrong with my computer that it refused to save any document files. It turned out that on top of a virus, my flash-drive was on the blink. My expensive new 62 GB flash-drive with my entire library of ebooks, sheet music, and other important files on it.
I cried. I cried damn hard and had to watch Youtube videos well through the night and into the next morning to calm down properly. Several thousands of dollars of books accumulated over four years, months of effort put into arranging sheet music, countless weeks of work put into creating lesson plans, worksheets, and Powerpoints, all just gone. Unfinished chapters, ideas, research, and outlines for fanfics as well.
My current fics; my future fics; all that time I spent on researching and brainstorming: Gone . . .
I'm back on my feet now, so to speak, but I contemplated just throwing in the towel on it all for a while. Thankfully, I write more for my own pleasure than I do for others, so that line of thought was soon abandoned. Several days on and off of playing melodramatic music on my viola got the depression out of my system. I now have backup drives, cloud storages, and external hard-drives coming out of my ass, so I feel rather confident in saying that this will never happen again.
As of right now, all my fics aside from Godling Ascending are on official hiatus. I currently don't have the time and energy to devote to more than one story at a time.