Author has written 10 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Addams Family, and Sherlock.
I'm now on ko-fi! If you want to support me, go to ko-fi!com/vjkendall
Call me Noose (or whatever variation of the username I'm currently using). I'm a stickler for spelling, punctuation, and all those other hoity-toity things. I like the smell of honeysuckle and jack-fruit; the squishy feel of sinking into sand; blowing bubbles; the smell of burning paper; and hedgehog-shaped pencil-sharpeners.
If I review your story, it will to praise you or give constructive criticism, because I don't believe in writing negative reviews. I will tell you if you need to separate your paragraphs better, but I will NOT tell you if I think your plot points suck, because that is a personal opinion, not a fact; I will keep my personal opinions where they belong: in my own work. If you want an opinion from me on something you've written, PM me.
I'm the sort of person that loves a thing and ends up trying to make it better; this is why I do fanfiction, I love the original story so much, I'll sit and think of all the ways it could be made even more interesting to me. I do this for fanfics by other authors as well, though I keep those mostly to myself. I don't appreciate being accused of plagiarism, especially when I have it clearly stated that my stories are based off other fics and WILL contain recognizable content. It's stated clearly in the summaries and the disclaimers as well; it is NOT my fault if you are apparently too illiterate to even understand a story blurb.
Considering none of the authors of the stories I've fic'ed have come screaming at me, I don't know why anyone else would do so. I've messaged them for permission, but it seems neither of them have anything to do with ff.net anymore, and they haven't told me no. Neither have been active in years. If they ever come back and tell me to take down what I have up, I will, but none of YOU have the right to make any demands of me.
I DO NOT WRITE SLASH.
Let's just get that out in the open right now. I've gotten comments about readers being concerned that my stories will turn out as slash/femslash or -- conversely -- that they should go that way. Do not fear and/or sorry to disappoint, but any relationships that take center stage in my stories will be Het. I like reading slash myself but I don't write it.
I have no problems with same-gender relationships, I just don't write about them because I know I won't write out correctly how they actually work. I know that who's top/bottom doesn't always stay the same and that there's no 'wo/man' in the relationships, but I'm not going to write about something that should be realistic like a relationship when I have no practical experience with it myself. I'm an asexual and demi-heteroromantic female that's dated one guy for maybe a year before deciding that I didn't care for being with anyone; I don't understand proper romantic or sexual attachment, especially from a different gender's point of view. I am literally not physically capable.
"Why do you make Harry a girl if you won't put her in a relationship?"
This is more of what I was talking about practical experience. I'm a girl -- I know how a girl might think and behave. The beauty of Rowling's characterization of Harry Potter is that he could easily be turned into a girl with only a few small changes, changes that don't interfere with his intrinsic quintessence. The only parts where Harry's distinctly male is when he's dealing with crushes on girls, and even then it's like he's just going through the motions -- he could easily homosexual or bisexual and just unknowing. (Being oblivious is one of those things that make Harry Harry.) Because I prefer writing from a female point of view, Harry changes into a girl for the sake of my convenience.
Unless my story starts out with him initially being a boy, Harry (or any other MC) being a girl is not a plot device. I don't want to get any more comments telling me that unless I stick Harry with a guy or have her do something exclusively female, my making Harry a girl is pointless. How many stories are out there with Harry having his name changed to something like Hadrian, or more lordships than he has fingers and toes to count on and the story has nothing to do with those things? Don't give me any crap just because I don't cling to gender-identity.
STOP THE MADNESS
I can hardly begin to express how tired I am of reading 'chuckle' in a story. There are so many other synonyms for laugh out there, but it's like everyone has forgotten they exist! Chortle; crack up; giggle; guffaw; snicker; snort; titter; snigger; cackle; yuk; burst out laughing; howl/roar/hoot with laughter, split one's side, double up -- all of these and still 'chuckle' gets the most use. It's been used so often that it's starting to lose all meaning to me, which means that really hot, dangerous character you're trying to make all suave and smooth? Yeah, he's just been made a try-hard poser in my eyes.
And if it wasn't enough that every character is always chuckling, every character is always chuckling.
Tell me something: what sense does it make for a little kid or a flighty character to chuckle? They don't have that sense of maturity and almost masculinity that comes with the connotation of 'chuckle'! Indulgent grandparents chuckle; schmoozing politicians chuckle; Hugh Jackman as Wolverine chuckles -- the comic relief in a story and/or any child under the age of consent can snigger or guffaw at most. I don't care if the character is in a de-aged body or extremely mature, them chuckling is as out of place as every attractive person in a story being described as 'aristocratic'. (You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.) (Actually, y'know what? It really doesn't.)
On top of that, 'chuckle' is rarely used when it would actually suit the mood of the story. The definition of the word is 'a soft laugh, usually of satisfaction'. Did you read that? A soft laugh, one of satisfaction. You don't chuckle after a good joke or from excited glee, you chuckle from a fond memory or during a quiet conversation with a loved one.
Stop making Naruto, or Harry Potter, Tsuna, or whoever else that doesn't have the right personality chuckle. They're usually early teens when you write them! They don't have the personality for serious, intimate conversations! Hell, that goes for their rivals/antagonists as well! Sasuke's too much of broody bitch to chuckle -- same with Draco -- and Xanxus can only pull it off in the Future Arc! Unless they're an adult with the right personality and setting to do so, don't make them chuckle.
And for the love of all that is, stop making women chuckle. I think this one's actually more of a personal opinion, but it feels as jarring to me as reading about a grown-ass man giggling or tittering.
And as Hibari Kyouya stood over the battered form of the herbivores he had bitten into submission, he giggled with righteousness.
Connotation, people. It might not be in the strict definition, but there's a reason why English has so many words that mean basically the same thing. We naturally associate moods and genders with certain words. In the way that 'striding down the street' is different from 'ambling down the street' you can't just throw around descriptive synonyms like it doesn't matter how the words put images in your mind.
Imagine that a princess had just been saved from a dragon, and instead of giggling when her rescuers said something witty, she chortled.
“Hohoho!” the princess chortled, gripping at her belly. “Now take me back to my kingdom in the North Pole so we can be married at once!”
It was then that the knight realized he had made a terrible mistake.
It's absurd! And absurd is exactly what I think of all the 'chuckles' strewn about as if it was the only word in the dictionary. You can't read any sort of fanfic without tripping over the 'chuckles' coming from every character and their grandmothers. Think it through, people! Stop making that little girl who's blowing bubbles chuckle.
Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers
Alright now, ye floundering, uninformed masses, 'tis time to learn how to actually use that 'fancy language' you insist on including in your writing! This is Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers! I have indicated the key-points in bold font. Prepare to take notes, because this will be included on the test! (The test being me reading your stories and counting how many times I have to facepalm.)
Let's start with the simplest one: Who versus Whom.
To best understand how to use these similar words in a sentence, it helps to think of them in the same way we use 'they' and 'them'. 'Who' is nominative like 'they', meaning it's the name of the subject.
-->'Who' is the one that gives action.
Example: “Who gave you that drink? They gave it to me.”
In contrast, 'whom' is objective like 'them', meaning it's the thing being acted upon.
-->'Whom' receives the action.
Example: “Whom did you give that drink to? (Or 'To whom did you give that drink?') I gave the drink to them.”
Got that? If you're actually taking notes, take a moment now to write a few practice sentences using both 'who' and 'whom' correctly. If you're feeling uncertain, use 'they' and 'them' as responses to your sentences to check if you're doing it properly. All you need to remember is that 'who' goes with 'they', and 'whom' goes with 'them'.
Next up: Thee and Thou versus You (and the often overlooked Ye).
What a lot of fanfic writers seem to not know is that you was also used back in the time when 'thee' and 'thou' were used commonly. 'You' is simply the plural form of 'thee', and was used when addressing multiple people or someone of higher rank.
-->Thee and thou are NOT formal!
In fact, if you were to talk to someone you should be respectful of in singular form, it was considered incredibly rude and patronizing! Singular form is meant for servants, children (as long as those children weren't of higher ranking than you), your spouse, animals, inanimate objects, people you're insulting, close friends, and God (because you were presumed to be close to God). Please remember this when you have a scene that takes place with aristocrats and royals!
Now: how to know if a sentence uses 'thee' or 'thou'. 'They' and 'them' help us here once again!
'Thou' is nominative like 'they', which — if you remembered from a few paragraphs back — means that it's the name of the subject taking action.
Example: “Whence hast thou come from, whither hast thou gone? Whence hast thou come from, Cotton-Eye John?”
And if you haven't already caught on, 'thee' is objective like 'them'.
Example: “Never shall I give thee up, never shall I let thee down!”
-->'Thou' takes action.
-->'Thee' is acted upon.
(Ignore the old variations of 'where' and 'there' for now -- which I'll explain in a moment -- and please write out practice sentences like you did before.)
At this point, you should already know how 'ye' and 'you' are different. I would explain it out in detail again, but this is supposed to be an abbreviated lesson, so all you really have to remember in this case is that 'ye' is the plural form of 'thou', and 'you' is the plural form of 'thee'. Obviously, in modern-day English, one can use 'you' for both nominative and objective as well as both plural and singular, but it is technically most correctly used as a plural objective.
-->'Ye' takes action.
-->'You' is acted upon.
Example: “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Now the worst part: Conjugation of Verbs.
Perhaps the most difficult part of all this is conjugating the verbs. Honestly, languages that are derived from Latin — like Spanish and French, and English (who steals words from everyone) — are the worst languages to get into if you suck at conjugating. And the older form of English I'm trying to teach you now is even worse than what you had to learn in primary school!
In any language, one of the first verbs we learn is to do, so it would make sense that we do the same thing here. At this time, I really do recommend taking down notes if you haven't been doing so thus far because this is going to take some practice if you really want to get it right.
-->Second-person singular — the one that uses 'thou' — uses -t, -st, and -est endings in PRESENT TENSE.
Examples: “How dost thou?”; “Wouldst thou give this day praise?”; “If thou lovest me, thou mayst kiss my cheek.”; “Thou wast a naughty lad!”
-->Third-person singular — the one that uses he/she/it — uses the -eth and -th endings in PRESENT TENSE.
Examples: “She doth smile on her daughter. “; “Ah, she becometh flush'd when he speaketh to her!”
It's all a bit mind-boggling, but luckily there is no need for any additional endings in the case of plural subjects.
-->Continue to say the plurals as you normally would!
Examples: “Do ye?”; “They do.”
Now! Fancy language conventions to make your writing feel authentic.
Remember those super fancy variations of 'where' and 'there' I used in an earlier example? There are some for 'here' as well. We use 'where', 'there', and 'here' pretty willy-nilly now, but people back in the day were much more structured in their language.
-->'Whence' means 'from where'.
-->'Whither' means 'towards where'.
Example: “Whence hast thou come? Whither hast thou gone?”
In the earlier example, I said, “Whence hast thou come from?” adding 'from' to the sentence, but that's an unnecessary inclusion that would make the sentence the equivalent of “From where did you come from?” and that sounds a bit silly, doesn't it?
Following 'whence' and 'whither', I'm trusting you to have already realized what 'hence', 'hither', 'thence', and 'thither' mean.
-->'Hence' means 'from here'.
-->'Hither' means 'towards here'.
-->'Thence' means 'from there'.
-->'Thither' means 'towards there'.
You've likely read them before in English class if you attended secondary school in America and the U.K.
Examples: “Get thee hence!”; “She darted hither and thither.”
Going along with the rest of the 'Who, what, when, where, why, and how?' sequence, we have:
-->'wherefore?', meaning 'why?';
-->'wherein?', meaning 'in what location/in which?';
-->'whereof?', meaning 'of what?'; and
-->'whereby?', meaning 'how?'.
They really loved 'where' variations back then, but they didn't love it enough to give it a variation for 'when'. Sadly — or fortunately in your case — 'when' is still just 'when'. Well, 'whenas' could be used to make it sound 'fancy', but 'when' by itself is also correct.
Another thing you should take in consideration is that they didn't use 'because' back then, so you have to choose between a handful of other words that mean approximately the same thing in context.
-->'Herein' means 'in this matter' or 'arising from this';
-->'Hereat' means 'as a result of this'; and
-->'Hereupon' means 'as a result of this', but it can also mean 'after that'.
Example 1: “I forgot to spell-check my English assignment before I turned it in, and herein lies why my teacher gave me such a poor grade.”
Example 2: “I ate a juicy steak, and the animal-rights fanatics were greatly distressed hereat.”
Example 3: “I was reading fanfiction all day yesterday instead of doing housework. Hereupon I had my computer taken from me.”; “My brother sent me a video of what he said was the best song ever. Hereupon I discovered it was Crank That by Soulja Boy on repeat.”
Just get creative! If you force yourself to think in these terms occasionally when you write, when it comes time to write in modern-day English, it'll flow down the page as quickly as butter!
At this point, my lesson is starting to trickle off. I can't think of much else you might need to know . . .
Oh! I suppose you should know that 'my' and 'thy' are altered in the same way as 'a' when it's followed by a vowel sound.
-->'A' cup/'My' cup/'Thy' cup changes into 'an' apple/'mine' apple/'thine' apple.
-->'Thine' is used as a singular form of 'yours'.
So a sentence would go something like “This apple is 'mine'; that fig is 'thine'.”
Also, I suppose it might be useful for you to know that:
-->'Aught' was used in place of 'anything', and 'naught' for 'nothing'.
Just make sure you don't mix these words up with their homophones! 'Aught' is not 'ought' —which means 'should' — and 'naught' definitely isn't 'not', 'knot', or — if your using British English — 'nought'.
And thus concludes Professor Noose's Abbreviated Course on Extremely English for Fanfiction Writers! If you have any questions, see me after class! (Or rather, PM me with yours questions.)
MARCH 9 2016 NOTICE
So, I figured out what the hell was wrong with my computer that it refused to save any document files. It turned out that on top of a virus, my flash-drive was on the blink. My expensive new 62 GB flash-drive with my entire library of ebooks, sheet music, and other important files on it.
I cried. I cried damn hard and had to watch Youtube videos well through the night and into the next morning to calm down properly. Several thousands of dollars of books accumulated over four years, months of effort put into arranging sheet music, countless weeks of work put into creating lesson plans, worksheets, and Powerpoints, all just gone. Unfinished chapters, ideas, research, and outlines for fanfics as well.
My current fics; my future fics; all that time I spent on researching and brainstorming: Gone . . .
I'm back on my feet now, so to speak, but I contemplated just throwing in the towel on it all for a while. Thankfully, I write more for my own pleasure than I do for others, so that line of thought was soon abandoned. Several days on and off of playing melodramatic music on my viola got the depression out of my system. I now have backup drives, cloud storages, and external hard-drives coming out of my ass, so I feel rather confident in saying that this will never happen again.
As of right now, all my fics aside from Godling Ascending are on official hiatus. I currently don't have the time and energy to devote to more than one story at a time.
SEPTEMBER 27 2017 NOTICE
Just returned from Taiwan and I'm on my way to Vietnam instead.
I feel like I somehow have gotten even more busy since the last time I've updated my profile announcements. My writing speed is definitely dragging and I feel like my discouragement at being so slow is making it worse as well. Also my attention is wavering again.
God, I wish I was better at multi-focusing, but I've recently been re-drawn into divination and music by some friends and now time I should be researching and writing is spent on tarot cards and ukulele. God help us all if I slide back into manga as well 'cause I once abandoned my favorite MMORPG for 4 years because I had been introduced to shounen-ai/yaoi/BL, and I didn't resurface until aforementioned MMORPG had long been taken down by its administrators.
I don't want that to happen to my fics -- they deserve better than that and so do my readers. Maybe I should write a book -- with income from a book, I wouldn't have to work as many jobs . . .
If I write a book, would any of you buy it? A book of short stories and poetry and stuff, maybe with riddles, uncommon nursery rhymes, and teaching verses too . . . I dunno, my abilities are eclectic and don't really mesh well together. Shall I make a general children's anthology with ESL potential? Should I make kiddy books about gardening and being eco-friendly? Should I put together a collection of epic poetry for all ages? Should I re-edit one of my fics into an independent story a la the way of Fifty Shades of Gray?
Sigh* I guess whatever will happen will happen.
The next chapter of Godling Ascending is coming, it's just got to be squeezed out between my work and other distractions.
MAY 6 2018 NOTICE
By the time I post this, I’ll have moved again, this time back to my family’s property, where I’ll be living in my fourth maternal aunt’s unused house until I can get my shit together. The moving (something I seem to be always in the middle of doing) is one of the RL things that keep my update-pace so sluggish. I genuinely do feel bad for being so crappy at this updating thing (especially when I follow some writers that consistently update, like, once a week), but I just can’t see it improving any time soon. I should have known better than to start a long-term, multi-chaptered fic like this, but here we are.
If you’re reading this, then you’re either irritated enough with my inconsistency to demand a full explanation or you’re nosy and just want to know what’s happening in my life. Or maybe you just like reading what I write even when it’s just me rambling and ranting.
Anyway, I began writing Godling Ascending in . . . February of 2015. (Frick-frack, I’ve really been dragging my feet, haven’t I?) I started it when I was still keeping house for my mum and doing her lesson plans and teaching material for her English classes, so I had plenty of time to devote to writing. But then I got enlisted into teaching as well when a family friend who worked at a hotel said they needed instructors to improve their staff’s English, and then most of my focus went into keeping up with that. And then I ended up doing weekend tutoring elsewhere too. And then I took up another student that needed to be proficient in reading, writing, and conversation within a year’s time starting from the ground-up.
My contracts with those groups eventually ended (and thank all the gods), but then a friend hired me on to get her a visa to America. Okay, no big deal, I’m familiar with the visa system and know how to make it happen, no problem. But then she flopped her initial interview (ei. She went dressed like what you’d expect when you hear ‘Thai massage therapist’ and acted like her usual abrasive self despite me telling her to put on a respectable front) and she got the brush-off with the polite excuse that she was missing something in her paperwork, so then I had to stay up in Chiang Mai for another month so I could restart the process. That was a month filled with paperwork and more paperwork, no time to stop for lunch some days, never mind writing fanfiction.
After that fiasco was dealt with, I had to move to a new area because when I was living before was too far away from the place I’d be working. Where’s that, you ask? An eco-education park, where I’d be some strange amalgamation of eco-instructor, event-coordinator, head techie, and English teacher again. The job wasn’t labor-intensive most of the time (outside of the occasions where I had to supervise over soon-to-be-released convicts and teach them how to subsist off the land) but there was just a lot going on at all times. I was eventually sent out to some other countries to see if we could open a market for the eco-friendly products produced by local farmers in our organization, but I’m an introverted person and I really don’t like working with people no matter how good the cause is, so I’d had enough after that, and I moved yet again after finding work elsewhere.
So finally we’ve reached the last quarter of 2017. I was teaching English again, but this time as an actual school teacher, and I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking when I agreed to it but I taught three year levels and a total of nine specific . . . sub-categories? Well, whatever.
It wouldn’t had been so bad, but the school’s new and they still didn’t have all the textbooks they needed, so yet again I had to come up with material to teach on my own, and I don’t think you can fully understand how soul-rending and panic-inducing teaching can be until you’ve show up on your first day on the job only to find out that nobody knows what the Hartford-Hereford-and-Hamphire they’re doing, that no one gives a Frigg that they’re filing system belongs in a horror film, that you have to create the entire curriculum yourself, and that you have ten minutes until your first class starts.
Long story short, I was over-qualified for that travesty of a position, they tried to force me to resign after the principal’s new side-dish wanted the job, and now I’m suing them for violation of contract, withholding my pay, and then docking my pay by 3,000 baht (approx. 100 dollars) on the grounds that I missed six days of work with no notice after new-year’s when it was them that told me to stop coming in after December.
As you can figure out for yourselves, I haven’t had much time for writing in the in-between.
I really want to be optimistic though. Apart from my fanfic writing that will be picking up, I’m hoping to get some books published, books for the ESL demographic, some children books that I’ve written myself or will be illustrating, and some poetry anthologies. Believe it or not, I’d consider myself more of a poet than an author — I’m better with short and descriptive slices of thought and fancies than proper book-writing. I’ll never give up writing fanfiction (it’s a guilty pleasure) but I think I’ll be spreading out my reach soon.
So, if you’re interested, look me up on Lulu as V.J. Kendall — I hope to have at least two or three poetry anthologies available for sale soon. They won’t be expensive — five dollars at most — and you could think about it like supporting me on or something.
Speaking of , I now have a ko-fi account:ko-fi!com(/)vjkendall (with standard web-address of course). It doesn’t have a reward system like or Gamewisp, but I like the thought of doing exclusive one-shots for supporters or something similar. IDK. If you have ideas or suggestions for this, hit me up.