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Joined 08-25-11, id: 3195987, Profile Updated: 10-08-16
Author has written 10 stories for Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Addams Family, and Sherlock.

Call me Noose. I'm a stickler for spelling, punctuation, and all those other hoity-toity things. I like the smell of honeysuckle and jack-fruit, the squishy feel of sinking into sand, blowing bubbles, the smell of burning paper, and hedgehog-shaped pencil-sharpeners.

If I review your story, it will to praise you or give constructive criticism, because I don't believe in writing negative reviews. I will tell you if you need to separate your paragraphs better, but I will NOT tell you if I think your plot points suck, because that is a personal opinion, not a fact; I will keep my personal opinions where they belong: in my own work. If you want an opinion from me on something you've written, PM me.


I'm the sort of person that loves a thing and ends up trying to make it better; this is why I do fanfiction, I love the original story so much, I'll sit and think of all the ways it could be made even more interesting to me. I do this for fanfics by other authors as well, though I keep those mostly to myself. I don't appreciate being accused of plagiarism, especially when I have it clearly stated that my stories are based off other fics and WILL contain recognizable content. It's stated clearly in the summaries and the disclaimers as well; it is NOT my fault if you are apparently too illiterate to even understand a story blurb.

Considering none of the authors of the stories I've fic'ed have come screaming at me, I don't know why anyone else would do so. I've messaged them for permission, but it seems neither of them have anything to do with ff.net anymore, and they haven't told me no. Neither have been active in years. If they ever come back and tell me to take down what I have up, I will, but none of YOU have the right to make any demands of me.


I DO NOT WRITE SLASH.

Let's just get that out in the open right now. I've gotten comments about being concerned that my stories will turn out as slash/femslash or that they should. Do not fear and/or sorry to disappoint but any relationships that take center stage will be het. I like reading slash myself but I don't write it.

I have no problems with same-gender relationships, I just don't write about them because I know I won't get how they actually work correct. I know that who's top/bottom doesn't always stay the same and that there's no 'wo/man' in the relationships, but I'm not going to write about something that should be realistic like a relationship when I have no practical experience with it myself. I'm an asexual female that's dated one guy for maybe a year before deciding that I didn't care for being with anyone; I don't understand romantic or sexual attachment, especially from a different gender's point of view. I am literally not physically capable.

"Why do you make Harry a girl if you won't put her in a relationship?"

This is more of what I was talking about practical experience. I'm a girl; I know how girls think and behave. The beauty of Rowling's characterization of Harry Potter is that he could easily be turned into a girl with only a few small changes. The only parts where Harry's distinctly male is when he's dealing with crushes on girls, and even then it's like he's just going through the motions; he could easily homosexual. Because I prefer writing from a female point of view, Harry changes into a girl for the sake of convenience.

Unless my story starts out with him initially being a boy, Harry being a girl is not a plot device. I don't want to get any more comments telling me that unless I stick Harry with a guy or have her do something exclusively female, my making Harry a girl is pointless. How many stories are out there with Harry having his name changed to something like Hadrian, or more lordships than he has fingers and toes to count on and the story has nothing to do with those things? Don't give me any crap just because I don't cling to gender-identity.


STOP THE MADNESS

I can hardly begin to express how tired I am of reading 'chuckle' in a story. There are so many other synonyms for laugh out there but it's like everyone has forgotten they exist! Chortle; crack up; giggle; guffaw; snicker; snort; titter; snigger; cackle; yuk; burst out laughing; howl/roar/hoot with laughter, split one's side, double up; all of these and still 'chuckle' gets the most use. It's been used so often that it's starting to lose all meaning to me, which means that really hot, dangerous character you're trying to make all suave and smooth? Yeah, he's just been made a try-hard poser in my eyes.

And if it wasn't enough that every character is always chuckling, every character is always chuckling.

Tell me something: what sense does it make for a little kid or a flighty character to chuckle? They don't have that sense of maturity and almost masculinity that comes with the connotation 'chuckle'! Indulgent grandparents chuckle; schmoozing politicians chuckle; Hugh Jackman as Wolverine chuckles; the comic relief in a story and/or any child under the age of consent can snigger or guffaw at most. I don't care if the character is in a de-aged body, or extremely mature, them chuckling is as out of place as every attractive person in a story being described as 'aristocratic'. (You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.)

On top of that, 'chuckle' is rarely used when it would actually suit the mood of the story. The definition of the word is 'a soft laugh, usually of satisfaction'. Did you read that? A soft laugh, one of satisfaction. You don't chuckle after a good joke or from excited glee, you chuckle from a fond memory or during a quiet conversation with a loved one. Stop making Naruto, or Harry Potter, Tsuna, or whoever else that doesn't have the right personality chuckle. They're usually early teens when you write them! They don't have the personality for serious, intimate conversations!

And for the love of all that is, stop making women chuckle. I think this one's actually more of a personal opinion, but it feels as jarring to me as reading about a grown-ass man giggling or tittering.

And as Hibari Kyouya stood over the battered form of the herbivores he had bitten into submission, he giggled with righteousness.

Connotation, people. It might not be in the strict definition, but there's a reason why English has so many words that mean basically the same thing. We naturally associate moods and genders with certain words. In the way that 'striding down the street' is different from 'ambling down the street' you can't just throw around descriptive synonyms like it doesn't matter how the words put images in your mind.

Imagine that a princess had just been saved from a dragon, and instead of giggling when her rescuers said something witty, she chortled.

Hohoho!” the princess chortled, gripping at her belly. “Now take me back to my kingdom in the North Pole so we can be married at once!”

It was then that the knight realized he had made a terrible mistake.

It's absurd! And absurd is exactly what I think of all the 'chuckles' strewn about as if it was the only word in the dictionary. You can't read any sort of fanfic without tripping over the 'chuckles' coming from every character and their grandmothers. Think it through, people! Stop making that little girl who's blowing bubbles chuckle.


Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers

Alright now, ye floundering, uninformed masses, 'tis time to learn how to actually use that 'fancy language' you insist on including in your writing! This is Professor Noose's Abbreviated Lesson on Extremely Formal English for Fanfiction Writers! Prepare to take notes, because this will be included on the test! (The test being me reading your stories and counting how many times I have to facepalm.)

Let's start with the simplest one: Who versus Whom.

To best understand how to use these similar words in a sentence, it helps to think of them in the same way we use 'they' and 'them'. 'Who' is nominative like 'they', meaning it's the name of the subject. 'Who' is the one that gives action.

Example: “Who gave you that drink? They gave it to me.”

In contrast, 'whom' is objective like 'them', meaning it's the thing being acted upon. 'Whom' receives the action.

Example: “Whom did you give that drink to? I gave the drink to them.”

Got that? If you're actually taking notes, take a moment now to write a few practice sentences using both 'who' and 'whom' correctly. If you're feeling uncertain, use 'they' and 'them' as responses to your sentences to check if you're doing it properly. All you need to remember is that 'who' goes with 'they', and 'whom' goes with 'them'.

Next up: Thee and Thou versus You (and the often overlooked Ye).

What a lot of fanfic writers seem to not know is that you was also used back in the time when 'thee' and 'thou' were used commonly. 'You' is simply the plural form of 'thee', and was used when addressing multiple people or someone of higher rank. Thee and thou are NOT formal! In fact, if you were to talk to someone you should be respectful of in singular form, it was considered incredibly rude and patronizing! Singular form is meant for servants, children (as long as those children weren't of higher ranking than you), your spouse, animals, inanimate objects, people you're insulting, close friends, and God (because you were presumed to be close to God). Please remember this when you have a scene that takes place with aristocrats and royals!

Now: how to know if a sentence uses 'thee' or 'thou'. 'They' and 'them' help us here once again!

'Thou' is nominative, which — if you remembered from a few paragraphs back — means that it's the name of the subject taking action.

Example: “Whence hast thou come from, whither hast thou gone? Whence hast thou come from, Cotton-Eye John? They and I came from thence.”

And if you haven't already caught on, 'thee' is objective like 'them'.

Example: “Never shall I give thee up, never shall I let thee down! I shall gift all my troubles to them.”

Ignore the old variations of 'where' and 'there' for now (which I'll explain in a moment), and please write out practice sentences like you did before.

At this point, you should already know how 'ye' and 'you' are different. I would explain it out in detail again, but this is supposed to be an abbreviated lesson, so all you really have to remember in this case is that 'ye' is the plural form of 'thou', and 'you' is the plural form of 'thee'. Obviously, in modern-day English, one can use 'you' for both nominative and objective as well as both plural and singular, but it is technically most correctly used as a plural objective.

Example: “Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Now the worst part: Conjugation of Verbs.

Perhaps the most difficult part of all this is conjugating the verbs. Honestly languages that are derived from Latin — like Spanish and French, and English, who steals words from everyone — are the worst languages to get into if you suck at conjugating. And the older form of English I'm trying to teach you now is even worse than what you had to learn in primary school!

In any language, one of the first verbs we learn is to do, so it would make sense that we do the same thing here. At this time, I really do recommend taking down notes if you haven't been doing so thus far because this is going to take some practice if you really want to get it right.

The informal, second person singular — the one that uses 'thou' — uses -t, -st, and -est endings.

Examples: “How dost thou?”; “Wouldst thou give this day praise?”; “If thou lovest me, thou mayst kiss my cheek.”; “Thou wert a naughty lad!”

The third person singular — the one that uses he/she/it — uses the -eth and -th endings.

Examples: “She doth smile on her daughter. “; “Ah, she becometh flush'd when he speaketh to her!”

It's all a bit mind-boggling, but luckily there is no need for any additional endings in the case of plural subjects. Continue to say the plural as you normally would!

Examples: “Do ye?”; “They do.”

There are some irregular verbs of course. In the case of 'will' and 'shall', they become 'wilt' and 'shalt' when used with thee or thou.

Now! Fancy language conventions to make your writing feel authentic.

Remember those super fancy variations of 'where' and 'there' I used in an earlier example? There are some for 'here' as well. We use 'where', 'there', and 'here' pretty willy-nilly now, but people back in the day were much more structured in their language.

'Whence' means 'from where'; 'Whither' means 'towards where'.

Example: Whence hast thou come? Whither hast thou gone?”

In the earlier example, I said, “Whence hast thou come from?” adding 'from' to the sentence, but that's an unnecessary inclusion that would make the sentence the equivalent of “From where did you come from?” and that sounds a bit silly, doesn't it?

Following 'whence' and 'whither', I'm trusting you to have already realized what 'hence', 'hither', 'thence', and 'thither' mean. You've likely read them before in English class if you attended secondary school in America and the U.K.

Examples: “Get thee hence!”; “She darted hither and thither.”

Going along with the rest of the 'Who, what, when, where, why, and how?' sequence, we have 'wherefore', meaning 'why?'; 'wherein', meaning 'in what location/in which?'; 'whereof', meaning 'of what?'; and 'whereby', meaning 'how?'. They really loved 'where' variations back then, but they didn't love it enough to give it a variation for 'when'. Sadly — or fortunately in your case — 'when' is still just 'when'. Well, 'whenas' could be used to make it sound 'fancy', but 'when' by itself is also correct.

Another thing you should take in consideration is that they didn't use 'because' back then, so you have to choose between a handful of other words that mean approximately the same thing in context. 'Herein' means 'in this matter' or 'arising from this'; 'Hereat' means 'as a result of this'; and 'Hereupon' means 'as a result of this', but it can also mean 'after that'.

Example 1: “I forgot to spell-check my English assignment before I turned it in, and herein lies why my teacher gave me such a poor grade.”

Example 2: “I ate a juicy steak, and the animal-rights fanatics were greatly distressed hereat.”

Example 3: “I was reading fanfiction all day yesterday instead of doing housework. Hereupon I had my computer taken from me.”; “My brother sent me a video of what he said was the best song ever. Hereupon I discovered it was Crank That by Soulja Boy on repeat.”

Just get creative! If you force yourself to think in these terms occasionally when you write, when it comes time to write in modern-day English, it'll flow down the page as quickly as butter!

At this point, my lesson is starting to trickle off. I can't think of much else you might need to know . . .

Oh! I suppose you should know that 'my' and 'thy' are altered in the same way as 'a' when it's followed by a vowel sound. 'A' cup/'My' cup/'Thy' cup changes into 'an' apple/'mine' apple/'thine' apple. Also 'thine' is used as a singular form of 'yours', so a sentence would go something like “This apple is 'mine'; that fig is 'thine'.”

Also, I suppose it might be useful for you to know that 'aught' was used in place of 'anything', and 'naught' for 'nothing'. Just make sure you don't mix these words up with their homophones! 'Aught' is not 'ought' —which means 'should' — and 'naught' definitely isn't 'not', 'knot', or — if your using British English — 'nought'.

And thus concludes Professor Noose's Abbreviated Course on Extremely English for Fanfiction Writers! If you have any questions, see me after class! (Or rather, PM me with yours questions.)


I have a yahoo group if you want to check out plot-bunnies and a rather long spell list. Search for Hi_News. It hasn't been updated since I made it, but you could borrow ideas and spells if you want.


DECEMBER 31 2015 NOTICE

On top of RL stuff taking priority, I'm having computer troubles as well. My laptop refuses to connect to the Internet the majority of the time, and for some reason, the files that I try to save just won't. I'm actually typing this notice up from my tablet right now, and correcting spelling errors is a real bitch on this thing. I will still be working on chapters when I can, but it's slow going, and I don't have a definite date for when I'll have a new setup ready for my usual heavy use.

I'll still be lurking and reading in the mean time though, so hit me up with a PM if you have any questions. And if you have an idea for Scream and Shout, PLEASE message me about it! It's been on hold for so long partially because I put it out of my mind in favor of other fics and mostly because I didn't get any suggestions after I posted the sixth chapter. I have a vague story-line for it in my head, but I could really use some help.


JANUARY 15 2016 NOTICE

Computer has been fixed, but still bogged down with lesson-plan work and creating informational handouts. In a really cruddy mood for writing because all my saved work has been lost. Hope to have some chapters ready by the end of month, but feeling pretty depressed.


MARCH 9 2016 NOTICE

So, I figured out what the hell was wrong with my computer that it refused to save any document files. It turned out that on top of a virus, my flash-drive was on the blink. My expensive new 62 GB flash-drive with my entire library of ebooks, sheet music, and other important files on it.

I cried. I cried damn hard and had to watch Youtube videos well through the night and into the next morning to calm down properly. Several thousands of dollars of books accumulated over four years, months of effort put into arranging sheet music, countless weeks of work put into creating lesson plans, worksheets, and Powerpoints, all just gone. Unfinished chapters, ideas, research, and outlines for fanfics as well.

My current fics; my future fics; all that time I spent on researching and brainstorming: Gone . . .

I'm back on my feet now, so to speak, but I contemplated just throwing in the towel on it all for a while. Thankfully, I write more for my own pleasure than I do for others, so that line of thought was soon abandoned. Several days on and off of playing melodramatic music on my viola got the depression out of my system. I now have backup drives, cloud storages, and external hard-drives coming out of my ass, so I feel rather confident in saying that this will never happen again.

As of right now, all my fics aside from Godling Ascending are on official hiatus. I currently don't have the time and energy to devote to more than one story at a time.

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The Marriage Stone by Josephine Darcy reviews
SSHP. To avoid the machinations of the Ministry, Harry must marry a reluctant Severus Snape. But marriage to Snape is only the beginning of Harry's problems. Voldemort has returned, and before too long Harry's marriage may determine the world's fate.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 78 - Words: 382,044 - Reviews: 14622 - Favs: 8,955 - Follows: 7,460 - Updated: 11/22 - Published: 4/9/2007 - Harry P., Severus S.
Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
As the unwitting personification of Death, reality exists to Lily through the veil of a backstage curtain, a transient stage show performed by actors who take their roles only too seriously. But as the Girl-Who-Lived, Lily's role to play is the most important of all, and come hell or high water play it she will, regardless of how awful Wizard Lenin seems to think she is at her job.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 43 - Words: 252,022 - Reviews: 3434 - Favs: 4,594 - Follows: 4,729 - Updated: 10/21 - Published: 12/8/2013 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
The Hotline by AliciaRoseFantasy reviews
Public opinion of Spider-Man is beginning to shift. In response, NYPD aims to work closely with the hero to counteract rumours of past police brutality toward the vigilante. But Peter, still frightened from past experiences with aggressive officers, is reluctant to co-operate, until a program once made to communicate with the hero, becomes much, much more. Spidey/NYC Spidey/NYPD
Spider-Man - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 6 - Words: 28,082 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 355 - Follows: 393 - Updated: 9/19 - Published: 2/21 - Peter P./Spider-Man
The Merging by Shaydrall reviews
The Dementor attack on Harry leaves him kissed with his wand broken in an alleyway. Somehow surviving, the mystery remains unanswered as the new year draws closer, buried by the looming conflict the Order scrambles to prepare for. Buried by the prospect of his toughest year at Hogwarts yet. In the face of his fate, what can he do but keep moving forwards?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 378,110 - Reviews: 3029 - Favs: 6,832 - Follows: 8,204 - Updated: 8/5 - Published: 9/27/2013 - Harry P.
Blurring Reality by Terrific Lunacy reviews
Tom Riddle, top student of the prestigious Hogwarts School for Dance. Albus Dumbledore, searching for the hero in his famous end of year performance by holding open auditions. Harry Potter, attending said auditions only to listen to the live music for free. Severus Snape, dance instructor, tolerating nothing but perfection. The line between imagination and reality, a fickle thing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 55,885 - Reviews: 835 - Favs: 1,168 - Follows: 1,457 - Updated: 8/2 - Published: 12/4/2014 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Voldemort, Severus S.
Drifting by AlphaDelta1001 reviews
Naruto is many things; troublesome, wild, unpredictable, adventurous, untamable, unique. But there's a benefit to being wild and unpredictable; no one has the faintest idea what you're going to do next. NarutoHarem
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 1,093,850 - Reviews: 5681 - Favs: 6,619 - Follows: 5,936 - Updated: 7/1/2015 - Published: 12/25/2012 - Naruto U.
Screw that Skrewt by Ann O'Neem reviews
See, that's what sucked with being crushed to death by a Skrewt. That thing hadn't been bred by a specialist (sorry about that, Hagrid) and its 'parents' had been a Manticore and a Fire Crab. But the thing's that it had a little trick that none had expected. Creating some kind of transdismensional rift in its stomach when it's dying. Yeah, no one had expected that. Slash.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Tokyo Ghoul/東京喰種トーキョーグール - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 60,320 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 448 - Follows: 524 - Updated: 5/21/2015 - Published: 8/14/2014 - Harry P.
With Wings of Feathers and Glue by slexenskee reviews
For his safety, sixth year Harry Potter must live abroad while attending Hogwarts. There, lonely and out of place, he meets Alice Cullen, and inevitably, Edward Cullen as well. HPEC
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 77,969 - Reviews: 752 - Favs: 1,573 - Follows: 2,148 - Updated: 5/13/2015 - Published: 8/19/2009 - Harry P., Edward
Break the Sky by Liffae reviews
One lesson Uzumaki Naruto taught the world was that glass ceilings are fragile, and limits are only for the fools who believe in them.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 40,956 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 1,396 - Follows: 1,594 - Updated: 2/24/2015 - Published: 8/25/2012 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Kakashi H.
Viva La Vida by Tiki Rane Gobell reviews
Tom Riddle was secure in his own little world he had built for himself: a secret dark lord that was ruler of magical Great Britain. He had everything he ever wanted...until Harry Potter came into his life. LV(TR)/HP
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 18,607 - Reviews: 285 - Favs: 1,176 - Follows: 929 - Updated: 1/27/2015 - Published: 12/16/2013 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr. - Complete
The Wrath of a Woman Scorned by EDelta88 reviews
A Hidden Village is not a safe place for a little girl if nobody comes when she screams. One night the villagers went too far and now Konoha shall reap what it has sown. Dark!Fem!Naru Pairings: Decided but secret
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 33,681 - Reviews: 708 - Favs: 2,135 - Follows: 2,283 - Updated: 1/1/2015 - Published: 10/21/2009 - Naruko U.
Adrift in a World by Miss Whiskers reviews
Harry Potter is thrown into an alternate universe due to archaic rules of magic. Hiding under the alias of Chris Collins, he tries to find a place among the suspicion of those he knew and some he never did, as Voldemort's power grows.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 172,757 - Reviews: 3628 - Favs: 5,030 - Follows: 5,449 - Updated: 12/30/2014 - Published: 6/12/2006 - Harry P.
Daddy Issues by Ann O'Neem reviews
Everybody know that Rokudo Mukuro doesn't have a family. He's a child who was experimented by the Estraneo. But... what if a stranger decided to fray with the young illusionist ? Enter Harry James Potter, wizard who doesn't know when to give up. Proceed with caution, there is a slash harem in the making.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Katekyo Hitman Reborn! - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 23 - Words: 138,980 - Reviews: 750 - Favs: 1,045 - Follows: 1,149 - Updated: 9/7/2014 - Published: 8/21/2013 - Harry P., Mukuro R.
Abyssus Abyssum Invocat by Sin Maxwell and Co reviews
To save the life of the man he loves, Harry Potter called out in the name of something unholy. Now he reaps the dreadful consequences. But what if he could turn the tide in his favor? Will his new master allow it or will he be subjugated forever? Slash! SM/HP.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Kuroshitsuji - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 70,236 - Reviews: 319 - Favs: 829 - Follows: 460 - Updated: 7/28/2014 - Published: 5/24/2014 - Complete
Firefly by Reinamy reviews
In which Aburame Shino is the moth and Uzumaki Naruto is the flame. Female!Naruto.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 39,649 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 1,478 - Follows: 480 - Updated: 7/13/2014 - Published: 6/27/2014 - [Shino A., Naruko U.] Naruto U. - Complete
Wand Cores by Lydia-kitten reviews
Harry Potter, weathered wizarding warrior in his mid-twenties, finds himself in 1940. Albus is coming up with a theory, and an adolescent Tom Riddle, torn between feeling threatened and piqued, acquires a controversial mentor. Hallows, spell-making, horror, politics and witty banter, served with a Grindledore sidedish. Slow and slightly disturbing TR/HP. First chapters re-polished.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 49 - Words: 241,168 - Reviews: 1951 - Favs: 2,529 - Follows: 2,667 - Updated: 7/7/2014 - Published: 7/16/2010 - Harry P., Albus D., Tom R. Jr., Gellert G.
Poisonous Kiss by enchanted nightingale reviews
When Harry frees Dobby, Lucius scares the house elf and the Savior is left alone with Lucius Malfoy in an encounter with unforeseen results. HP/LM. SLASH. Harry is underage.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 45 - Words: 102,970 - Reviews: 2339 - Favs: 3,314 - Follows: 3,720 - Updated: 8/26/2013 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Lucius M., Harry P.
Vicious Calm by Catilleon reviews
Nagi Uzumaki had always sought companionship. Kyubi no Yoko had always sought a strange cute girlfriend who likes ramen and enjoys destruction as much as him. This will doubtfully end well.Kyubi/femNaru.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 83,079 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 618 - Follows: 577 - Updated: 6/30/2013 - Published: 11/12/2010 - Kyuubi/Kurama, Naruko U.
In the Mind of a Scientist by ZenoNoKyuubi reviews
Harry Potter wasn't raised like in canon. He was top of his class, and very intelligent, always seeking to improve things, and so he learned all kinds of things, and, upon entering Hogwarts, started studying all he could get his hands on! Intelligent!Super!Harry Later Mad Scientist!Harry Rated M for Language, Nudity, and Gore Stein-ish Harry Genres: Humor/Romance/slight Horror
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 82,520 - Reviews: 1952 - Favs: 5,705 - Follows: 2,993 - Updated: 5/4/2013 - Published: 9/23/2012 - Harry P., N. Tonks - Complete
The God of Dragons by RuRuLaLa reviews
Charlie Weasley starts a cult. He regrets it immensely. Meanwhile, Harry has a little girl time with his dragon lady friends. Side story to 'Oh You didn't Know? Yeah He's Awesome'. Gift fic for my 100th reviewer RRW.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,599 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 61 - Published: 3/25/2013 - Harry P., Ron W., Charlie W. - Complete
How Troublesome by Rumer Hasit reviews
Shikamaru's life was going fine; he avoided going on missions and Ino, smoked a lot, and watched clouds. Now, he's discovered Naruto's biggest secret, is being forced to go on a mission, and life has gotten a whole lot more complicated. How troublesome...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 94,353 - Reviews: 644 - Favs: 1,338 - Follows: 1,247 - Updated: 7/15/2012 - Published: 1/29/2011 - Naruto U., Shikamaru N.
A Snake Named Voldemort by estalita11 reviews
COMPLETE After being turned into a snake and unable to change back, Lord Voldemort is forced to turn to the only other living Parselmouth, Harry Potter. After making a deal, Harry agrees to help the Dark Lord return to his human form. SLASH HP/LVTMR
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 185,074 - Reviews: 2973 - Favs: 6,816 - Follows: 3,381 - Updated: 6/25/2012 - Published: 4/30/2011 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Black Vengeance by Teufel1987 reviews
AU Third Year: He spent twelve years in hell for a crime he did not commit. Sent there without the courtesy of a trial. Betrayed by his friends and allies. Now he has broken out. He will find and catch that rat and then, they will pay!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 80,433 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 1,545 - Follows: 656 - Updated: 6/6/2012 - Published: 8/5/2011 - Sirius B., Harry P. - Complete
Death of Today by Epic Solemnity reviews
COMPLETE LV/HP: Raised in a Muggle orphanage, Harry arrives at Hogwarts a bitter boy. Unusually intelligent, he's recruited by the Unspeakables and the Death Eaters at a young age. As he grows older, he constantly has to struggle to keep his footing around a manipulative and bored Dark Lord, who fancies mind games and intellectual entertainment.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Adventure - Chapters: 71 - Words: 500,882 - Reviews: 8098 - Favs: 7,207 - Follows: 3,700 - Updated: 6/6/2011 - Published: 9/26/2009 - [Voldemort, Harry P.] Lily Evans P., Lucius M. - Complete
The Scars of Human Nature by yaoigirl22 reviews
When he was left with his family, they disappeared. Now thirteen years later the wizarding world, both Dark and Light are in for a shock. Meet It. Edited:02/07/2012
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 22 - Words: 26,628 - Reviews: 427 - Favs: 1,558 - Follows: 658 - Updated: 1/21/2011 - Published: 12/5/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
The Downers by NotYourBestFriend reviews
Bella Swan is a rebel. Edward Masen is a loser. Charlie Swan is a mailman and Elizabeth Masen is a socialite. When you mix them all together, you get one not so happy family. But Edward and Bella aren't just step siblings. Lifes too hard to be that easy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 22 - Words: 72,892 - Reviews: 323 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 12/29/2010 - Published: 8/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
Gryffindors Never Die by ChipmonkOnSpeed reviews
Harry and Ron, both 58 and both alcoholics, are sent back to their 4th year and given a chance to do everything again. Will they be able to do it right this time? Or will history repeat itself? Canon to Epilogue, then not so much... (Reworked)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 74,394 - Reviews: 625 - Favs: 2,612 - Follows: 735 - Updated: 12/29/2010 - Published: 11/4/2010 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
Shut Up and Kiss Me! by slytherin-nette reviews
In the middle of all their silly fighting and childish rivalry, there was only one very simple solution that always seemed to bring Draco Malfoy and Harriet Potter back together. DM/femHP. SongFic - Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,212 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 543 - Follows: 122 - Published: 5/29/2010 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
SnakeHead by Tangerine Catnip reviews
Alex is in the African jungle on his first assigned kill for scorpia accompanied by his instructor Yassen Gregorovich when one of the local snakes decides that Alex’s crotch would be a nice place to take a nap. Fluffy PWP one-shot Alex/Yassen
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,569 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 288 - Follows: 57 - Published: 3/25/2010 - Alex R./Cub, Yassen G. - Complete
How Will You Kiss by Nia River reviews
COMPLETE. Casting off his haze of grief over his godfather's demise, Harry Potter decides it's time to take action. He won't be alone; Mad-Eye Moody, Emmeline Vance, Tonks and Bill Weasley will be there to help. Not to mention the entire DA. Harry/Bill.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 44,665 - Reviews: 396 - Favs: 1,819 - Follows: 478 - Updated: 2/27/2010 - Published: 11/8/2009 - [Harry P., Bill W.] - Complete
Like a Concussion by Araceil reviews
For the lols. Slash. After the War Harry ended up hunted by Vamps. Can he ever get a break? Apparently not when he ends up in Forks and dragged kicking and screaming to school for the first time in over a decade.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,349 - Reviews: 589 - Favs: 3,261 - Follows: 660 - Published: 10/22/2009 - Harry P., Edward - Complete
Issues by Aisling-Siobhan reviews
Alex has issues. Not surprising considering the extent to which his life has changed in such a short amount of time but that’s not what he has a problem with. Nor does he have a problem with his feelings but who he feels them for: Yassen Gregorovich Slash
Alex Rider - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,947 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 329 - Follows: 50 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Alex R./Cub, Yassen G. - Complete
Incorrigible Infatuation by RestartingInsanity reviews
AU: SLASH: How it started? One day Harry was in panic and the next delirium struck and there he was lying underneath a cruel-hearted Slytherin. He wasn't the most appealing but what was it that made Harry fall? Marcus Flint/Harry - COMPLETE -
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 68,303 - Reviews: 1473 - Favs: 4,518 - Follows: 1,153 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Harry P., Marcus F. - Complete
The Dispossession of Echizen Ryoma by Sinnatious reviews
When Ryoma finds himself in a tough situation, his pride might keep him swimming, but it’s Tezuka who keeps his head above water.
Prince of Tennis - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 28 - Words: 83,152 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 1,021 - Follows: 238 - Updated: 5/8/2008 - Published: 4/23/2008 - E. Ryoma, Tezuka K. - Complete
The Hyuuga Swap by uberneko-zero reviews
Naruto is in a brand new relationship with Hinata. But when he meets her cousin Neji, he finds himself inexplicably preoccupied with the dark haired boy, despite his prickly personality. AU yaoi
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 52,825 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 5/3/2008 - Published: 12/30/2007 - Naruto U., Neji H. - Complete
A Black Comedy by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 31 - Words: 246,320 - Reviews: 5691 - Favs: 12,036 - Follows: 3,796 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Lord V by cheryl bites reviews
Nuclear war breaks out and Voldemort casts a spell to stop time. He and Harry alone are left to defuse the missiles and prevent the war. Voldemort’s radiophobic. Oh joy. LVHP. Spoilers for HBP, none for DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 60,391 - Reviews: 313 - Favs: 583 - Follows: 564 - Updated: 3/12/2008 - Published: 5/16/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort
It's Tradition by Justice-hime reviews
Tradition, a time honoured practice or set of such practices. Naruto is learning that there are just some traditions that cannot be broken. SasuNaru COMPLETE
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 22,916 - Reviews: 407 - Favs: 1,136 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 5/26/2005 - Published: 2/21/2005 - Sasuke U., Naruto U. - Complete
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Bellamy the Beautiful reviews
AU Male!Bella. Slighty cracky. Bellamy wasn't sure what the ginger's problem was but he wasn't going to let some broody douche get him down. So Bellamy had accidentally stabbed him in the thigh, so what? It wasn't like it was on purpose and the guy had been making a face that was plain asking for it. He was just sulking that he wasn't as spicy as Emmett.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,453 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 418 - Follows: 457 - Updated: 11/29 - Published: 12/12/2014 - Angela, Bella, Charlie S., Edward
Godling Ascending reviews
Response to DZ2's 'Harry, the Twice-Blessed Half-blood' challenge. Fem!Harry. Herakles Potter knew she was odd. Exactly how odd turned out to be far odder than she originally thought.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 163,802 - Reviews: 728 - Favs: 2,383 - Follows: 2,764 - Updated: 10/14 - Published: 2/5/2015 - Harry P.
Trouble Comes in Threes reviews
AU. Fem!Harry. John and Sherlock investigate a bizarre case. Meanwhile, A certain Muggle Studies class is on field-trip.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,359 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 289 - Follows: 316 - Published: 12/15/2015 - Harry P., Sherlock H., John W.
The Black Wizard reviews
Fanfic of Azraeos's original fic. Fem!Harry. Harry, through the selection of the Valar, is plucked from her home world and dropped in Middle Earth to complete a task that will ultimately help the Fellowship save Middle Earth. Starts post Fifth year and near the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring movie.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 23 - Words: 190,659 - Reviews: 813 - Favs: 2,146 - Follows: 2,719 - Updated: 9/10/2015 - Published: 1/26/2014 - Harry P., Gandalf, Boromir
This Isn't Even My Final Form reviews
AU from 3rd book on. Fem!Harry. It was an accident! A tumble with an unknown potion grants Harry consequences no one could have expected. Dealing as well as she can, Harry re-acquaints herself with the person behind the image of the Boy Who Lived.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,533 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 512 - Follows: 663 - Updated: 5/1/2015 - Published: 1/13/2015 - Harry P.
The Price is Right reviews
AU Harry is more money-conscious when he arrives at Gringotts with Hagrid. He's not going to let the wonder of magic take away his common sense and if he can get a good deal, he's going to take it. Point of deviation: Harry's primary school taught Home Economics.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 52,285 - Reviews: 987 - Favs: 4,285 - Follows: 3,367 - Updated: 4/30/2015 - Published: 12/2/2013 - Harry P., Dean T., Justin F., Morag M. - Complete
Scream and Shout reviews
AU. Don't-give-an-eff!Fem!Harry. Starts during OOTP. Marie's been having a frustrating summer, a frustration that she tries to relieve in perhaps not the most sensible way. But she doesn't care. She's tired of caring. Screw being the hero for those fickle people, Marie was going to take care of number one.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 48,628 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 1,030 - Follows: 1,246 - Updated: 4/30/2015 - Published: 5/1/2014 - Harry P.
Picture Perfect reviews
AU. Fem!Harry. James Potter was not an only child, he had an older brother from his father's first marriage. Leonardo Potter married an ambitious woman, one that's willing to do just about anything to get what she wants; what she wanted was a daughter.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 23,390 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 333 - Published: 4/23/2015 - Harry P., Fleur D., Justin F.
The Corpse Swallower reviews
Fanfic of kyaru-chan's Harveste series. An unusual introduction after the mother of all temper tantrums leads to Harry gaining an unorthodox upbringing. Keep your appendages to yourself or you might get them bitten off.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Addams Family - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,720 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 491 - Follows: 498 - Published: 4/23/2015
The Sea-Witch reviews
AU. Fem!Harry. OC!BWL Starts GoF. Inspired by Disney's Little Mermaid. Alex Potter discovers a most unexpected relative. With cunning, fast-thinking, and plain old Potter luck, they deal with the resurrection of the Dark Lord in the way only two Potters can.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,968 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 70 - Published: 5/18/2014 - Harry P., Neville L., Tom R. Jr., OC