Author has written 4 stories for Naruto, X-overs, Beelzebub/べるぜバブ, Fairy Tail, and Sora no Otoshimono/そらのおとしもの.
101 Ways to Bash Sasuke.
1. "Hn, I'm an Uchiha; hear me roar."
Naruto looked at him and smirked. "You have something right there in your shirt."
Sasuke looked shocked. "Really; an almighty Uchiha has something on his shirt besides tits' and pussies?" He looked down...
...And Naruto took that as an oppurtunity to flick his nose. "GOTCHA!"
And\ then he ran.
2. Sasuke looked at the girls in front of him.
He smirked. "Look at my penis!"
The girls gasped when his pants fell down.
Sasuke's stare looked down right arrogant. "Big," he smirked, "Isn't it?"
The girl's lips quivered.
Sasuke thought they were gasping silently...
...but that was until they burst out laughing.
"HAHAHAHA! IT'S SO CUTE!" One of them said.
"YEAH!" Another snorted. "IT'S THE SIZE OF HALF MY FINGER NAIL! HAHAHAHA!"
"LIKE A TINY LITTLE BEAN!"
Sasuke looked murderous. "I DO NOT HALF A HALF-AN-INCH!"
3. Naruto fucked his mom.
4. Sasuke looked at his hand and at Naruto's hand.
"Ha!" Naruto laughed. "My hand is bigger than yours!"
Sasuke cried tears of blood. "So!" He sulked and ran away like a duck.
5. Naruto pointed at Sasuke's head.
"Hahahahaha! What a duck-ass!"
6. Naruto looked at Sasuke blankly.
"Dude, you're a girl."
Sasuke stopped cutting his hands. "I know."
7. Orochimaru fucked him.
8. Sakura fucked him.
9. Jesus did not forgive him.
10. Sasuke was placed inside a fanfiction called: EVERYONE HAS DARKNESS.
11. "Hate me, despise me, and live in an unslightly gay manner."
Sasuke's eyes widen.
"Sasuke," Sakura asked.
"Hn," he replied.
"Are you gay?"
He narrowed his eyes but nodded none the less.
Sakura looked as if her world had been shattered.
12. "Hello, my name is Sasuke and I like to cut myself at night and cry tears of blood when I'm alone."
The AAA meeting screeched to a halt. "What the fuck?" One of them mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear.
13. Itachi killed Sasuke in the Uchiha Massacre.
14. "Doc, tell me. How long does he have to live?" Sarutobi asked looking grim at the little boy named Sasuke who laid at the hospital bed.
The doctor shook his head in remorse. "I'm afraid he hasn't long to live. He's been treated with a rare medical condition that hasn't been seen since.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's called," he began, trying to sound dramatic. "Cock-a-bullshit. And what it does is... it makes a penis grow out of the victim's rectum. What's worse is that the penis grows on both sides, so, it will eventually grow into his intestines and all the wall to his throat. Poor boy."
"Is there any way to treat it?"
"Yes, but, we have to make him an eunuch."
His eyes widened. To think, Sasuke would have to grow without balls or a dick. He'll be, a man-gina
With a remorseful sigh, Sarutobi gave a sad look to the Doctor. "Pull the plug. Let the poor boy die.
15. "Sasuke? Y-you don't have anything that can identify you as a guy!
Sasuke sneered at the dobe. "I'm an eunuch, bitch. It had to be done to save my life!"
16. "Son, I know you're going through a tough time, but; you have to be strong!"
Sasuke looked confused. "But, 'm bleeding from my dickhole; how is that rough?"
Old man Fugaku snorted. "You have a vagina, fool!"
17. "Hn, I'm an Elite."
18. "My name is Sasuke, and I like to be beaten by my rival Naruto, the dobe."
19. "FUCK ME!"
20. "Hm, I didn't know sticking two finger's up Sasuke's ass would of turned him on this much."
Sasuke had a raging hard on. "Stick it again," he begged.
Kakashi sighed and poofed away. Fuck that.
Sakura and Ino stalked Sasuke for the day. Both were curious about him, and also the way he always disappears all of a sudden.
They found him two streets ahead. He was walking and had his hands in his pockets.
"Where do you think he's going forehead?" Ino asked quietly.
Sakura shrugged, but still gave a pointed glare at her rival. "I don't know pig."
Ino huffed at that nickname and turned away just in time to see Sasuke enter into some place.
They looked at each as if they were in a silent agreement and ran towards the place he entered.
They were shocked, when they saw the sign in front.
Mario's Sexy Bar
Confusion went towards there head. Does he work there? Was a though; so, was: is he attracted to the woman there?
In the end they decided to go inside.
What they found was NOT what they expected.
"OK EVERYONE! OUR FAVORITE SLUT SASUKE IS FINALLY HERE FOR YOUR PLEASURE!"
The crowd went wild.
Ino and Sakura were shocked, for wrong reasons. EVERYONE in the bar were, guys. And Sasuke, who just walked down the cat walked, walked thru with short shorts and a shirt that showed his belly.
Ino and Sakura turned there heads to see any of the other dancers but found out they were also guys.
They looked at each other, and cried.
SASUKE IS GAY!
"Hey boss?" Konohamaru asked as they ate.
Naruto blinked from his eating. "Yeah?"
"What do you do if life gives you lemons?"
Naruto laughed. "Well, you get the lemons and use it to beat the shit out of Sasuke."
"What?" They heard from behind.
Sasuke stood there with red-puffy eyes.
Naruto smirked. "Bitch," he commented.
Sasuke ran home like a duck.
"OH MY GOD ITS CH_"
The guy who screamed didn't finish. A was throat punched and died.
"PLEASE! SPARE ME!"
No mercy, the bearded man roundhouse kicked the woman in the head, splattering her head everywhere.
The child on the floor whimpered. But this child was special, he was, Sasuke Uchiha.
He was going to get punched but the man stopped.
"You're not worthy to my punch," the guy scoffed.
Sasuke cried tears of blood.
"So, you finished, eh?" The Hokage asked.
The guy hmmed.
"Thank you, Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris chuckled. "Uchihas' I always wanted to punch one and roundhouse one, too."
And then, he punched the Hokage with his beard when he wasn't looking.
"WHAT? SASUKE FUCKED HIS DOG AND IT'S PREGNANT?"
"WHAT? SASUKE WAS FUCKED BY HIS DOG AND HE'S PREGNANT? BUT HE'S A BOY!"
"WHAT? JACKKILLER2256 FUCKED SASUKE AND NOW HE'S DEAD?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN JACKKILLER2256 ISN"T REAL? HE JUST FUCKED MY SON!"
"FUCK YOU TEHN!"
Sasuke looked at Naruto nervously. "I love you Naruto-kun."
Naruto looked at Sasuke and blinked. "Well, I don't so get the fuck out of my face," he deadpanned.
Sasuke went home crying tears of blood along the way.
"Hn, I'm an Uchiha!"
"No, you're a bitch!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WAS ONLY BORN WITH ONE TESTICLE!"
"Sasuke, I think it's time you grew some balls and stop moping."
Sasuke sneered. "I can't, dobe. I don't have any."
Naruto looked stunned. But that was replaced by a smirk that soon found it's way to his mouth.
"Huh, I guess I am better than you!"
Sasuke hnned away but on the inside of his heart, he cried tears of blood."