Author has written 8 stories for Soul Eater, Misc. Books, Mythology, and Shingeki no Kyojin/進撃の巨人.
A little about me. I'm 15 years old, Brown hair and Soulless brown eyes (you can BARELY see my pupils). My real name is Nick but I like going by Riku. I'm EXTREMELY in love with anime, manga, gaming etc. I love Fanfiction and the authors that write them. I focus on writing entertainment stories for the public but I'll need to write the on them on paper first. Now for the stories I am/plan on writing.
Lucky Star: The end of the world: It's the end of the world and Konata and the gang are in some deep trouble but luckily Konata is a HUGE gamer and happens to know some strategies on survival. Horror fic. WARNING CHARACTERS WILL DIE.
Soul Eater: Join the DWMA?: Greg, a weapon, has secretly been training with his meister, Sampson, for years. But when a pre-kishin attacks them during training they defeat it only to come face to face with its pursuer Death the Kid. Kid offers them a chance to join the DWMA but will they take it?COMPLETE.
Soul Eater: The New students Interesting first day. COMPLETE.
Soul Eater: what did we get into? DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
Slender: Tales of The Lost. DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
I have pride in my writing. This means that I will not use my age, disability, or lack of spell check as an excuse for poor writing. Even if English is not my first language, I will not use this fact as a shield against criticism. This also means that I take critique of all kinds and will always be looking for ways to improve my skills. If you have pride in your writing, copy and paste this into your profile
Meaning of color and your Birthday
Don't cheat,if you are honest, this tells the truth. It's pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper, and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.
1. Which is your favorite color out of: red , black , blue , green , or yellow?
2..Your first initial?
3..Your month of birth?
4..Which color do you like more, black or white?
5..Name of a person of the same gender as yours..
6..Your favorite number?
7...Do you like Flying or Driving more?
8..Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9..Write down a wish (a real one).
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat!)
1. If you choose:
RED- You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back..
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
2. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum & your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks very good..
3. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be great, but eventually you will find your soulmate.
4.. If you chose:
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
5. This person is your best friend.
6 This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
7. If you chose:
Flying: You like adventure.
Driving: You are a laid back person.
8.. If you chose:
Lake : You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
9. This wish will come true only if you send this to three people in one hour. Send it to ten people, and it will come true before your next birthday.
Zombie plan A: (Before adulthood)
Wait a few weeks for initial infection. Make a mad dash for the Wal-mart down the road and, hoping it isn't looted, Make peace with or kill any survivors inside. Survive on any food left inside and stock up on the ammunition. After the supplies runs out clear a path on foot and by car north until I reach Washington D.C. picking up and/or killing survivors along the way. Once D.C. is reached straight to the white house I go. Knowing America they will have either evacuated the president or killed him if he was bitten but if luck is on my side the white house should be empty. Search around until something of use comes around and hopefully find the codes the government obviously have for missile launches. Contact any survivors worldwide using any connections left on the planet and organize an evac from the country while the codes are activated for the missile launches. Once we are safe and away from the U.S. we will find a safe haven to restart our lives in the post-apocalyptic world.
Plan B: (After adulthood)
Wait out the initial infection, (by this time I will have made a living on my dream ranch and will be well armed and secluded), after assessing initial casualties, damages, and current level of stability, re work the ranch into survivable conditions and make a few runs into town for supplies. survive as long as possible collecting and branching farther and farther out. Once a small plane has been collected use that to make trips to airports across the country. use mass transit like that to scavenge from the rest of the country. Live out life until as much as the apocalypse blows over.
Now a reading of the ten commandments from the loli bible:
1) Thou shall not have any other gods except pedobear (or Haruhi)
2) Age is not criteria for a loli. Only cuteness
3) Pedophilia is similar to a lolicon. Accept it
4) Not all chibis are lolis. Accept it
5) Any region is a loli region...No exceptions
6) Philippines is in the Futunari region
7)Desu ALWAYS increases cuteness
8) Breast size is also NOT criteria for lolis
9) Stop child prostitution. Support anime Lolicons
10) Opportunity. Knocks. Only. Once!
AND NOW...A WORD FROM YUNI-SAMA'S PROFILE
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, then say in 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' style if that is "their final answer."
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
Many thanks to the great Yuni-Sama for this being on her profile.
Here are some sayings that I love:
“I have a life, I just choose not to use it.”
“Kill your enemies. Kill your friends’ enemies. Kill your friends.”
“I’m a pyrotechnition. If you see me running, try to keep up.”
“You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder!”
“Last night I was looking up at the stars wondering… WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING?”
“Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?”
“Violence is always the answer, and if it’s not solving all of your problems, you simpy aren’t using enough of it.”
“Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!”
“Education is important, school however, is another matter.”
“Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon.”
“You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?”
“Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?”
“We are not retreating… we are advancing in another direction.”
“I’m right ninety-seven percent of the time. Who cares about the other four percent?”“They say ‘Guns don't kill people, people kill people.’ Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. That depends on whether you’re in a nursing home or not.”
“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
“Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!”
“If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.”
“Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door…”
“If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.”
“Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.”
“Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.”
“Always forgive your enemies--Nothing annoys them more.”
“Don’t mess with me; I've got a stick.”
“There are three kinds of people in the world; people who can count; and people who can’t.”
“Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.”
“I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”
“I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.”
“You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.”
“Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.”
“When life throws you lemons, cut ’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.”
“When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.”
“When life throws you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.”
“When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 2 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
“I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.”
“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”
"Never say 'Things couldn't get any worse.' God takes that as a personal challenge."
"The light at the end of the tunnel is the train coming."
"Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head."
"I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over her again."
“Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
“Taste the rainbow--eat CRAYONS!!!"
"The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45."
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you’ve been good this year… he died laughing."
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Forget scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, 'Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.”
"Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls." (this is true for me…)
"If you wish on a falling star it might come true...unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth...then no wishes come true...unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth."
“Me, Myself, and I are fighting. I got mad at Myself, and Me got mad at I so now Me, Myself and I are sitting it opposite of my brain. Please help me.”
“There’s a dark cloud over my head, so I’m praying; ‘Lord, please don’t send lightning.’"
“It’s not dead till you poke it with a stick.”
“Fire is a good servant, but a terrible master.”
“There are too many wishes, and not enough stars.”
“Dude. Calm down. It’s gym class.”
“Either snow it up for a snow day or don’t snow at all!”
“Facebook is like a refrigerator. You check it when you’re bored but nothing ever changes.”
“Gotta go. I’m not really going anywhere, but neither is this conversation.”
“I cry, I feel better. Then I remember why I’m crying and cry harder.”
“I do know, I just don’t feel like telling you!”
“RIP: Spongebob, who died in the oil spill caused by BP.”
“Stop drop and roll doesn’t work in hell.”
“Santa Claus is a creeper. He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good, he comes down your chimney in the middle of the night with a giant sack of toys--see what I mean?”
“I have six locks on my door. Whenever I go out I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they’re always locking three.”
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
“It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.”
“He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.”
“When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.”
“A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.”
“Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.”
“I learned law so well. The day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.”
“Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.”
“Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.”
“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”
“The worst thing about loving you was watching you love someone else.”
“It takes a couple seconds to say ‘Hello’, but forever to say ‘Goodbye’.”
“If you're going through hell, keep going.”
“I wanna be just like Barbie; that bitch has everything!”
“You can’t spell slaughter without laughter.”
“To the world, you are one person. But to one person, you are the world.”
“Would you like a side of epic with that fail?”
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
“Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.”
“When I was kidnapped my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”
“There are worse things than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case I definitely overpaid for my carpet.”
“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.”
“The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.”
“Knowing is half the battle. The other half is punching someone in the face.”
“I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.”
“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.”
“Most people are only alive because it’s illegal to shoot them.”
“Some say the glass is half empty; some say the glass is half full. I say, “are you gonna drink that?”
“All people have the right to stupidity. Some abuse the privilege.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
“They say no one is perfect. Well, I’m no one.”
“Do not drink and drive--you might spill the drink.”
“When life gives you lemons say “screw you” and go find an orange.”
“Never argue with an idiot. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
“A word to the wide isn’t necessary--it’s the stupid people that need the advice.”
“Alright everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, that way, when you yell, the name will carry.”
“Between two evils, I always pick the one I haven’t tried before.”
“Cross country skiing is great if you have a small counrty.”
“Never forget Mother’s Day, or as they call it in beverly Hills, Dad’s Third Wife Day.”
“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
“Get your facts straight, then distort them as you please.”
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?”
“How many people have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.”
“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I always lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking the locks, they’re always locking three.”
“I knew I was an unwanted baby when my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“I wear a necklace ‘cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.”
“I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started with twenty-eight years ago.”
"I don’t care what you say about pedophiles, at least they drive slow in school zones."
"I don’t forgive people because im weak. I forgive people because I’m strong enought to realize that everyone makes mistakes."
"By the power vested in me, I now pronouce you deleted and blocked! You may now kiss my ass!"
"If Barbie’s not a slut… then why do we have to buy her boyfriends?"
"If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question."
"You think I’m screwed up? You should meet the rest of my family!"
"The shit you heard about me might be real… Then again it might be as fake as the bitch who told you."
"Money can’t buy you happiness, but somehow crying in a Porche is a lot more comforting than crying on a bicycle."
"Forgive your enemy, but remember the fucker’s name."
"Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you next time he is in trouble."
"Many people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them."
“Alchohol doesn’t solve any problems, but neither does milk."
"Three out of two people have trouble with fractions."
"He said… 'Why do you wear a bra? You have nothing to put in it.' She said… 'You wear pants, don’t you?' ""
"Best friends. We’re the kind of people who laugh at a joke three times. The first time, when it’s told. The second, when someone explains it. The third, five minutes later when we actually get it."
"Pain doesn’t hurt when it’s all you’ve ever felt."
"We’re not sarcastic - We’re hilarious. We’re not annoying - We’re just cooler than you. We’re not mean - We just don’t like you. And we’re not obsessed - We’re just best friends."
"I’ll always be beside you, until the very end, wiping all your tears away, and being your best friend. I’ll smile when you smile and feel all the pain you do, and if you cry a single tear, I promise I’ll cry too."
"When people you don’t even know hate on you, you know you’re the shit!"
"Friends help you with your crack addiction. Best friends are the ones who sold it to you."
"I would just like to let everyone know that I am a girl, and I like ribbons in my hair, and I wanna kiss all the boys." -Griff RvB
"Got acne? Just ask your girlfriend what to do. Oh, that’s right! You don’t have a girlfriend!"
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police."
"The world is going to hell, and I am driving the bus."
"I’d kill for a Nobel Prize!"
"Three a.m. phone call. 'Hey are you sleeping…?' '“No. I’m skydiving.' "
"Butt jiggle is just my way of waving good-bye."
"I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug."
"If you can’t convince them, confuse them."
"If Google didn’t exsist, we’d all be screwed."
"I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow Disease, 9/11, and Swine Flu. 2012, bring it on!"
"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you are in prison."
"If you had a broken heart, you’d be dead. So shut up."
"They keep saying the right person will come along… I think a truck hit mine!"
"We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be NEW friends!"
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns left."
"Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home."
"Having children is hereditary. If your parents never had children, odds are you won’t either."
"Remember. There’s no I in ‘Team.’ (But there is an M and an E)"
"A classic is a book that is much praised, but rarely read."
"My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"How is it one careless match to start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?"
"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."
"I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."
"I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said 'Guess' on it… so I said 'Implants?' "
"Crowded elevators smell different to midgets."
"The main reason Santa’s so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end."
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too."
"I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die."
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I’m going to mop the floor with you’re face.' I said, 'You’ll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.' "
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?"
"After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF!"
"What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time…' A southern fairytale begins 'Ya’ll ain’t gonna believe this shit…' "
"Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator."
"Déjà vu - When you think you’re doing something you’ve done before, it’s because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends."
"Life’s a bitch, ‘cause if it was a slut, it’d be easy."
"You know, they gotta luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like 'Fuck it - just grab a pile of shit. We’ll get a bag at the airport.' "
"Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends."
"There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation. And the rest of them who have to touch fire to learn that it’s hot."
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
"Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?"
"Only in America… Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters."
"They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken."
"People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened."
"What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon."
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A BEST friend is someone who will help you move a dead body."
"How do you get a sweet, little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet, little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!"
"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals."
"Don’t piss me off! I’m running outta places to hide the bodies!"
"I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying."
"Constipated people don’t give a crap."
"Regular naps prevent old age… Especially if you take them while driving."
"Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture."
"Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic, and so am I."
"On tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."
"Why is it in the U.S.: If you take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing a Uzi, terrified citizens will phone the police and report: 'There’s a naked person outside!' ”
"A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it."
"English people have different ways of saying things. We say 'elevator' they say 'lift.' We say 'president' they say 'stupid psychopathic git.' "
"Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot."
"Adults are always telling me that there are starving children in Africa who would love my food, so I'm gonna walk up to a starving child and tell them that there are obese children in America who would love to be as skinny as them."
The Rules of Anime! (May we follow and abide by them forever. In life, and in death):
Rule 1: As cuteness increases, so do the chances of being HORRIBLY raped... by tentacles
Rule 2: In anime, little sisters have more of a purpose than they do in real life.
Rule 3: Rape is no laughing matter... Unless it's lesbian rape... Then it's hilarious.
Rule 4: Moe: Individuals of this standard are characterized by their large eyes and lovable as possible natures, charming those watching into submission or causing them to break down into tears of happines.
Rule 5: In Anime, the normal laws of physics do NOT apply. Under ANY circumstance. Unless you're in a major battle, in which said laws will automatically kick in, causing the main character to be put in peril, then they will somehow SWITCH OFF and said main character shall kick major ass.
Rule 6: When in an Anime show, there is an explosion or loud sonic boom in space, it is rendered even louder because there is no air to get in the way. (See above.)
Rule 7: The larger the robot is... The faster it moves.
Rule 8: Both good guys and villians die in one of two ways, either it's so quick no one even see's it coming, or it's a long scene where the person see's much into their past, most of the time being the cause of flash backs.
Rule 9: In Anime EVERYTHING CAN AND WILL GO BOOM.
Rule 10: Large or even huge cities are the most flammable things known to man kind. (In Anime)
Rule 11: The human body contains approximately 6 quarts of blood... in anime, it's approxamately 12 gallons... and depending on how violent the scene is, sometimes even more.
Rule 12: In Anime, a single heart warming love scene or even a Disney-like song can destroy an entire space armada, beasts from the underworld, or bloodthirsty barbarians.
Rule 13: Children are smarter than adults in Anime. Regardless of the adult's profession.
Rule 14: Any Anime being with powers and or extreme martial arts training, emits aura.
Rule 15: Aura is a light that emits around the person, either it is blue for a good guy, or red for a bad guy.
Rule 16: ANY color that is visible to the human eye, is a possible hair color in Anime.
Rule 17: Eyes are large in Anime, and contain several gallons of water, which in most turn is used for crying.
Rule 18: When males in Anime are sexually aroused, instead of erections, they get nosebleed's.
Rule 19: During any transformation in Anime, no matter how many times they have witnessed it actually happen, the bad/good guy is always to stunned to try and stop the transformation before it is complete.
Rule 20: If a character insults a female character, they will be met with pain.
Rule 21: In Anime, older characters always know what happens in the end, but never reveal it to anyone.
Rule 22: In many comedy Anime, if the main character is a male, he will through the course of the series attract an endless number of girlfriends.
Rule 23: A person who has been training for many years is never as good as a person who has been training for a month.
Rule 24: When a female character gets angry at a male character, she suddenly has the ability to lift any 1000 pound object, despite how small she may be.
Rule 25: Any event will happen to the one character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
Rule 26: In Anime, and even in cartoons, sunglasses will instantly make you cool.
Rule 27: Nothing is impossible in Anime. NOTHING.
Rule 28: In any dire situation, the good guy will always either become stronger, or more powerful than the bad guy.
Rule 29: In Anime... THERE IS NO SPOON!
Rule 30: There's always a cute mascot... ALWAYS.
Rule 31: Two females with a grudge WILL attack each other, and somehow come out unscathed, despite all of the fatal blows, Jackie-Chan style martial arts techinques, and unthrowable objects being thrown.
Rule 32: Whenever a character that is the love intrest of the main character appears, either sparkles, flower petals, or abstract colors instantly appear around them... Sometimes all at once.
Rule 33: In Anime ANYTHING can happen. Never underestimate the perverts or low life's that write Anime. They have more power than even THEY might think.
Rule 34: If it exists, there IS hentai of it.
Rule 35: Never, under any circumstance, attack anything that glows. EVER!
Rule 36: There is always at least one busty girl, and it must be pointed out in nearly every episode she makes an appearance in.
Rule 37: Adult's seem to be able to get by with an average life, without having a job, meaning no income! How the hell is this possible?!
Rule 38: Under NO circumstance, are you EVER allowed to ground children in an Anime for anything short of murder.
Rule 39: Said children (Listed in rule above) are allowed to go wherever/do whatever said children want.
Rule 40: Any object, regardless of its size/weight, may be lifted with great encouragement, and/or dramatic music/sound effects.
Rule 41: It needs more desu NO EXCEPTIONS
Rule 42: Any Anime containing all female characters MUST have a large fandom for pairing each and everyone off, until there are none left, even if that involves incest, twincest and/or threesomes.
Rule 43:Those who are exiled or the last of their kind must have some sort of scar, trait of said people, and/or marking such as tattoos as a living memory of what they are.
Rule 44: When being sneaky, a character may make as much noise as they want without getting caught.
Have not found 45-51
Rule 52: someone ALWAYS divides by zero. causing either great mindfucks to all other characters and/or viewers...or nothing at all
I have not found rules 53-62.
Rule 63: For all male anime characters there is a female gender bend. ALL OF THEM! NO EXCEPTIONS!
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota Balcu," as he buried her.Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night, she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.
A POEM I FOUND ON CHILD ABUSE! PLEASE PASS IT ON!
My name is Tiffany I am three,
My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong I can’t speak at all
Or else I'm locked up All day long.
When I'm awake, I'm all alone
The house is dark My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself Against the wall
I try to hide From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me And yells at me more,
I finally get free And run to the door
He’s already locked it And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!
And he finally stops And heads for the door
While I lay there motionless Brawled on the floor
My name is Tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE (Me: I hope that her bastard of a father was kicked so hard in the balls he was never able to f* another woman again!!!)