Evie McFarland
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Joined 09-10-11, id: 3242727, Profile Updated: 06-17-15
Author has written 7 stories for Criminal Minds.

I'm not really writing fanfiction anymore, and I haven't in a few years. You can PM me, though, if you have something interesting to say about my stories, or something interesting to say in general, or you're on the verge of a mental breakdown. I'll probably answer.

All my stories are tragedies, but they're also comedies. So just keep that in mind while you're reading.


I am selfish, private, and easily bored. Will this be a problem? - Neil Gaiman

Dear Lord, give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism. - Chuck Palahnuik

It is because we are all imposters that we endure each other. - E.M. Cioran

A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. - Mary Karr

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I think that all mothers are alike, regardless of cultural background, when it comes to irrational cleaning. - Neal Shusterman

Kids don't remember what you tried to teach them. They remember what you are. - Jim Henson

He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times. - Neil Gaiman

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

A building has integrity, just like a man. And just as seldom. - Ayn Rand

The first time you escape from the small town you live in, you realize there was a reason behind why it was a small town - because nobody wanted to live there. - Bille Joe Armstrong

The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. - Douglas Adams

You are done for - a living dead man - not when you stop loving but when you stop hating. Hatred preserves: and in it's chemistry lies the mystery of life. E.M. Cioran

People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and were scared of being alone. - Chuck Palahnuik

This is the story so far: in the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

I'd call him a sadistic hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

Education has produced a vast population who is able to read, but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. - G.M. Trevelyan

Don't walk in front of me, for I will not follow. Don't walk behind me, for I will not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus

I took a test in existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got a 100. - Woody Allen

My mission is to kill time, and time's killing me in it's turn. How comfortable one is among murderers. - E.M. Cioran

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all. - Kurt Vonnegut

Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating an apple was justified? - Chuck Palahnuik

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know, because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain

When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required course. - Peter Drucker

I swear - by my life, and my love of it - that I would never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. - Oscar Wilde

Humans are the only animals on earth who have children on purpose; with the exception of guppies, of course, who like to eat theirs. –PJ O’Rourke

The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse that it often detours or ends there. - Ernest Becker

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. - Aristotle

Only two things are infinite--the Universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the Universe. - Albert Einstein

Stories may well be lies, but they are good lies that say true things, which can sometimes pay the rent. - Neil Gaiman

We are here for knowledge. Our enemy is thoughtlessness. This is philosophy. - Dan Horowitz

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

Youth ends when egotism does. - Hermann Hesse

It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since we always kill ourselves too late. - E.M. Cioran

Isn't it strange? The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life. - Ernest Renan

Man is condemned to be free; for once he is thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything that he does. - Jean Paul Sartre

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

All God does is watch us and then kill us when we get boring. We must never, never be boring. - Chuck Palahnuik

You look up because you wish to be exalted. And I look down, because I am exalted. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. - Mark Twain

Making fun of “born again” Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. –PJ O’Rourke

Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it's the only way they can get anything really finished. - Chuck Palahnuik

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. - William Clayton

For I do not exist: there exist but the thousands of mirrors that reflect me. With every acquaintance that I make, the population of phantoms resembling me increases. Somewhere they live, somewhere they multiply. I alone do not exist. - Vladimir Nabokov

People say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works. - Hannibal Buress

Multiple exclamation marks are the sure sign of a diseased mind. - Terry Pratchett

Music is the refuge of souls ulcerated by happiness. - E.M. Cioran

I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then? - Neil Gaiman

Don't live with writers. Writers are bastards. - Warren Ellis

And so it goes. - Kurt Vonnegut

If we could only find out who's in charge, then we could kill him. - George Carlin

Man is least like himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. - Oscar Wilde

Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

How nice; to feel nothing, yet to still get credit for being alive. - Kurt Vonnegut

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just there to muffle the screams. - Rita Rudner

He had noticed that events were cowards. They didn't appear singly, but instead would run in packs and leap out at him all at once. - Neil Gaiman

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you’re going to look. For instance, when I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. – PJ O’Rourke

If you're ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come down, you have gone mad, so don't trust in anything. - Gregory Maguire

On the outside, I may appear like an emotionless, sarcastic jerk; but, just like an onion, when you peel back the layers, you find the exact same thing over and over again. And then you start crying.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fanfiction Trauma by IncognitoGirl1993 reviews
When an extremely bored Reid stumbles upon Fanfiction dot net his world is turned upside down. Watch as the genius and the rest of the BAU team tackle on a threat worse than any unsub they've come across with: badly written fanfiction stories featuring them. 4th and 3rd wall will most certainly be broken. Absolute crackfic! Now taking requests.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 40 - Words: 99,506 - Reviews: 1422 - Favs: 490 - Follows: 560 - Updated: 8/7 - Published: 2/28/2013 - S. Reid
Circumstancial Evidence by SillyOldThing reviews
The team thinks they all know their youngest member. Certain events cause them to doubt themselves Surprises in store for all. Chapt 18 up
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 34,181 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 255 - Updated: 3/1/2015 - Published: 9/13/2011 - S. Reid
Blood by Lucielives reviews
Reid has an obsession which is disturbing even to him. WARNING: might be triggering if you struggle with self-injury, though it does not explicitly deal with it. This is my first fanfiction ever, so, like all others on their first time out, I would love some feedback!
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Angst/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,320 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/11/2013 - S. Reid - Complete
Every Penrose triangle has its thorns by Lexikal reviews
Takes place one week after the events of "Zugzwang" and Maeve's murder, and Reid can barely see the light. Grief can be one of the hardest parts of life. Morgan visits the "kid" and tries his best to comfort his friend. A philosophical discussion (Reid being Reid!) ensues, Rated T because I am paranoid, K is more likely, but paranoia wins out. Review, please.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Spiritual/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,800 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 8 - Published: 2/27/2013 - S. Reid, D. Morgan - Complete
Losing My Religion by Lexikal reviews
Spencer Reid, 10, is removed from his father's "care" after being violently attacked and is fostered by his old mentor, Jason Gideon. This is a sequel to "That's me in the corner". Features child abuse, do not read if underage. Please review!
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 48 - Words: 211,321 - Reviews: 474 - Favs: 437 - Follows: 310 - Updated: 1/18/2013 - Published: 10/24/2010 - Complete
Seven by Sandylee007 reviews
Spencer Reid wakes up to find himself in the hands of an UnSub and learns that there are several rounds of sick games ahead of him. Will he make it through them all? HEAVY REID WHUMP.
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 8 - Words: 26,456 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 76 - Updated: 6/30/2012 - Published: 5/19/2012 - S. Reid - Complete
A Beautiful Mind by Sandylee007 reviews
Spencer Reid faces his worst nightmare when he wakes up locked into a sanitarium, labelled as schizophrenic. Is he really sick or is there something else going on? A POTENTIAL TEN SHOT
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 28,617 - Reviews: 256 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 11/18/2011 - Published: 10/7/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
Not Yet Broken by Lexikal reviews
After "The Uncanny Valley", Reid starts to withdraw from the team. Hotch searches for the cause. WARNING: This story deals with self injury and mentions sexual assault. RATED M. DO NOT READ IF UNDERAGE OR IF YOU MAY BE TRIGGERED!
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,545 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 478 - Follows: 104 - Published: 11/9/2010 - A. Hotchner/Hotch, S. Reid - Complete
I Have Them Too by hatochiisaiINACTIVE reviews
Reid has something in common with a suspect; scars on his body, self inflicted. When the suspect is cleared, Reid cannot let the boy leave without offering him the help that he never had. And in doing so, Reid is able to heal one of his own wounds...
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,259 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 616 - Follows: 141 - Published: 3/2/2010 - S. Reid - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Euphoria reviews
The team believes that Reid is in danger. Reid disagrees. Abduction, violence, and poetry ensue. (Also drugs. Lots of drugs.)
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Crime/Suspense - Chapters: 18 - Words: 58,593 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 1/12/2014 - Published: 4/14/2013 - S. Reid - Complete
Head Trip reviews
A psychopathic unsub appears to be targeting the entire team. Meanwhile, Reid gets poisoned with LSD.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Crime - Chapters: 27 - Words: 52,864 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 3/13/2013 - Published: 9/15/2012 - S. Reid - Complete
The Sanction of the Victim reviews
Reid is getting strange messages from an unsub who considers himself the personification of a fictional character. When Reid refuses to follow his orders, what are the ramifications?
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 28,162 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 7/30/2012 - Published: 2/18/2012 - S. Reid - Complete
Duplicity reviews
"A sane person to an insane society must appear insane." There's something wrong with Reid, and it's up to Hotch to stop him before things get out of hand. Sequel to "Tricked Again," but it can stand alone.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Horror/Crime - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,392 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 1/25/2012 - Published: 11/10/2011 - S. Reid, A. Hotchner/Hotch - Complete
Tricked Again reviews
Reid thought he had made a new friend; that is, until he finds himself drugged and tied up in their basement.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 29,726 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 132 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 11/10/2011 - Published: 10/8/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
Psychosis reviews
Reid suffers a psychotic break. It doesn't end well for anyone.
Criminal Minds - Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,391 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 10/1/2011 - Published: 9/24/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
Schizophrenic Breaks reviews
Spencer Reid suffers a schizophrenic break, and he and the team attempt to deal with the aftermath. Oneshot! Mostly due to the fact that, at the time I submitted this, I had not figured out how to post chapters separately.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,779 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 36 - Published: 9/23/2011 - S. Reid - Complete