This is a sad day. I actually have one of these accounts. Not that I think less of anybody who has one but I didn't want to get one. I knew if I had one I would be just that more tempted to write a story and then leave you hanging but I need to be able to review and favorite my stories! Before I know I'll be writing fics with the best of them... This is a sad day indeed.

THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN FANFICTION (feel free to copy/paste this list...more people should read it)
*A bossy list by Raining Ink. Your mileage may differ.*

Edited by Neomistress to suit my needs*

1. Accidentally write a Mary Sue. Go now, and Google Mary Sue. Write one if you must. But please, realize that you're doing it; and give us a warning in the fic summary.

2. Infantilize a teenager or adult character. Dear Hurt/Comfort author, if your sixteen-year-old protagonist is constantly whimpering, clutching a plush toy, looking at people with "vulnerable liquid eyes," sucking his thumb, or otherwise acting like a small child, you are probably tap dancing on your reader's gag reflex. This syndrome plagues Harry Potter fan fic, especially Severitus/Sevitus. It is not cute. It is supremely creepy.

3. Have an explicit sex scene in every chapter. I know. It's a shocker, right? But a lot of us actually read fan fiction for the plot. I will wade through a whole lot of explicit scenes to get to the nuggets of plot (and almost every fic worth its salt has some plot even if the author didn't realize it), but I don't enjoy it. Please at least let me know in the summary if I'm going to have to skim massively to find the story amidst all of the insert Tab A into Slot B.

4. Write without a Beta if you suck at English grammar. Don't feel embarassed. A whole lot of people fail at grammar. Betas are cute and plentiful and so gosh darn helpful that it will make you feel all tingly inside when you get one. If you are really bad, get two Betas. It's good for you. It's good for your story. It's good for your readers. And I can promise that you'll get more reviews if your grammar and spelling are up to snuff.

5. Use your story as a political or religious platform. Put it on your profile page, not in your character's mouth. Harry Potter really doesn't care if you like Sarah Palin or not. (Quite frankly, none of the rest of us do either.)

6. Write abuse scenes solely to garner sympathy for a lame character. Abuse is a serious issue. Don't make a mockery of it. If you're going to deal with it, don't just insert it into your story to "juice things up" or to make everyone feel super sorry for your protagonist so that they will understand when he/she starts carrying around a teddy bear at age sixteen and sucking his/her thumb. (See number 2.)

7. Summarize canon. Seriously? It's fan fiction. We're fans. We don't need you to give us every detail about how Harry Potter grew up with the Dursleys or how Percy Jackson is really a demigod. We got that memo. Write something new.

8 Write an AU in which nothing new happens. Summary says: Harry is really the reincarnation of Merlin, sent to Earth to save it from alien invasion, and Voldemort is really the female leader of the invading force. Rock on. And then, for 100,000 plus words, the characters do the exact same things they did in canon. Voldemort may be pink tentacle monster, but it hasn't changed anything. Not even the dialogue. This baffles me.

9. Write entirely in dialogue. I'm seeing more and more of this. I know it's easier, and it makes your chapters look longer on paper, but really? Dialogue is great when it's resting on top of good exposition. Otherwise you're trying to build a pyramid from the top down.

10. Be Evil. This is for everyone and anyone out there who reads or writes fan fic. It's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be friendly. If you're one of those withered souls who looks for opportunities to rain on everyone else's parade, get lost. We don't need you. Criticism should be constructive, plagiarism should be utterly foreign, and you should never poke someone just to see if they bleed.

My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.
"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.”

25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.
"If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."

26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _"
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Carebears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

(I'm not even a 90's kid, but my brothers are so, this made me smil

The Stupidest Things On Products

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I got to admit, I'm curious

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon

On a Myer hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping."(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".(Awh, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:” Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."(But, it's just a suggestion).