SergeantMeow
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Joined 01-19-03, id: 328386, Profile Updated: 12-08-15

This is the first time I've updated this profile in 3 years. I got tired of all of the rambling about pairings and fandoms and whatnot, so here's what really matters:

I'm a 28 year-old male English teacher currently teaching 10th grade in Texas. I do have some fanfiction (most notably "Real Men Wear Tights," a Homestuck fanfiction currently found on Ao3 and Tumblr), though it's not hosted on this site. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

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Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
As the unwitting personification of Death, reality exists to Lily through the veil of a backstage curtain, a transient stage show performed by actors who take their roles only too seriously. But as the Girl-Who-Lived, Lily's role to play is the most important of all, and come hell or high water play it she will, regardless of how awful Wizard Lenin seems to think she is at her job.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 45 - Words: 263,723 - Reviews: 3593 - Favs: 4,950 - Follows: 5,077 - Updated: 4/12 - Published: 12/8/2013 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
October by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
It is not paradox to rewrite history, in the breath of a single moment a universe blooms into existence as another path fades from view, Tom Riddle meets an aberration on the train to Hogwarts and the rest is in flux. AU, time travel, Death!Harry, slash
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 30 - Words: 101,366 - Reviews: 1445 - Favs: 2,767 - Follows: 3,231 - Updated: 11/21/2016 - Published: 4/29/2014 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
Memories of Iron by becuzitswrong reviews
Taylor Hebert always triggered because of the bullying of classmates and a former friend. Here, instead of triggering, a cosmic entity gifts her with the memories of a man as talented as he was tormented. One who accomplished amazing things in his life. Now Taylor has the opportunity to use that knowledge to save her world. First, she'll need to save her own sanity.
Crossover - Ironman & Worm - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 36 - Words: 295,394 - Reviews: 2069 - Favs: 3,180 - Follows: 3,282 - Updated: 7/21/2016 - Published: 3/30/2014 - A. E. Stark/Tony, Skitter
The Katarn Side by Darth Marrs reviews
An aged, broken Jedi general came to Earth hoping to retire. However, when he went to a park and saw a young boy with unlimited Force potential getting the snot beat out of him, he knew the Force was not through making his life interesting.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 32 - Words: 137,628 - Reviews: 3162 - Favs: 4,688 - Follows: 4,594 - Updated: 6/25/2016 - Published: 10/24/2015 - Complete
The Handbook of Elf Psychology by evansentranced reviews
Sequel to Fantastic Elves and Where to Find Them! Harry is captured by wizards and brought to a castle. The wizards are obnoxious, but there's a lovely wood nearby which is quaintly named the "Forbidden" Forest. Harry thinks that's adorable.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 99,261 - Reviews: 2446 - Favs: 5,377 - Follows: 5,887 - Updated: 6/21/2016 - Published: 9/8/2012 - Harry P., Draco M., Severus S., Luna L. - Complete
Distortions In Time by kakashidiot reviews
Thanks to a horrible twist of Fate, Loki was not discovered by Odin after the Battle of Utgard. Growing up on Jotunheim, he lived as an outcast due to his small stature - until unfortunate events led him to other Realms. Familiar lands and people play their parts in this distorted tale. BAMF! Jotun!Loki AU. Set pre/during/after Thor/Avengers Assemble. MCU-verse.
Avengers - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 95 - Words: 521,853 - Reviews: 845 - Favs: 511 - Follows: 490 - Updated: 6/11/2016 - Published: 4/29/2013 - Thor, Loki - Complete
Security! by ack1308 reviews
A fanfiction writer finds himself within the story. What is he to do?
Worm - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 54 - Words: 486,945 - Reviews: 1107 - Favs: 1,453 - Follows: 1,276 - Updated: 5/28/2016 - Published: 5/25/2014 - Skitter, Panacea, OC, Scion - Complete
Eru Lee's Fantastic Adventures in Flatland by The Carnivorous Muffin reviews
Team seven, Tobirama, and now Orochimaru make their return to the mysterious land of England and find it even more bizarre and alien than they had previously thought. To the point where they are forced to wonder if Eru Lee wasn't right all along. Side fic to "Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds" and sequel to "English Vacation"
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,431 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 125 - Published: 4/4/2016 - Harry P., Jiraiya, Minato N. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Power of the Dark Side by Faykan reviews
Only the strong may rule, this was the way of the Dark Side, and Darth Millennial was about to prove to his master that he was worthy of the title Dark Lord of the Sith, but first a tremor in the Force draws him to the Unknown Regions of space... I do not own the picture
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 53 - Words: 329,639 - Reviews: 908 - Favs: 1,555 - Follows: 1,409 - Updated: 2/1/2016 - Published: 9/10/2012 - Harry P., Draco M., Luna L. - Complete
Revenge of the Wizard by Darth Marrs reviews
A Harry Potter cursed with immortality must not only survive the raping of Earth by monsters far more powerful than any humanity has encountered, but he must rise to save it, and in the process exact one wizard's revenge against the Galactic Empire.
Crossover - Star Wars & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 40 - Words: 172,426 - Reviews: 4020 - Favs: 5,283 - Follows: 4,719 - Updated: 10/31/2015 - Published: 12/23/2014 - Complete
To Be Lost on the Road of Life by AthanatosOra reviews
Obito became the Jūbi Jinchuuriki and consequently got smacked to oblivion and back, with words and Naruto's fists. He died protecting the hailed boy of prophecy and his bonds, a smile on his face as he went to join Rin and Minato in the afterlife. But things didn't go as expected, and it seems that life has more plans for him… Time-travel.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 31 - Words: 204,466 - Reviews: 1152 - Favs: 2,299 - Follows: 1,945 - Updated: 10/10/2015 - Published: 4/2/2015 - Obito U.
Rebirth by Athey reviews
Two boys grow up together in an orphanage, grow powerful at school, are torn apart by death and brought back together by rebirth. Horcruxes aren't the only way to live forever. Necromancy, reincarnation, TR/HP Slash dark!Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 40 - Words: 269,743 - Reviews: 2857 - Favs: 6,278 - Follows: 4,450 - Updated: 8/16/2015 - Published: 11/18/2010 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
Stark Transcendent by Morta's Priest reviews
There are many paths open to Tony Stark, billionaire arms merchant. In some worlds, he is destitute. In others, he is a knight in shining armor. And in a precious few, he just might transcend expectations altogether. The future is an unwritten page - who knows where it may lead? (Archive of the Spacebattles Quest.)
Crossover - Ironman & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 13 - Words: 130,181 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 570 - Follows: 540 - Updated: 7/12/2015 - Published: 5/21/2014 - A. E. Stark/Tony
Harry Potter and the Natural 20 by Sir Poley reviews
Milo, a genre-savvy D&D Wizard and Adventurer Extraordinaire is forced to attend Hogwarts, and soon finds himself plunged into a new adventure of magic, mad old Wizards, metagaming, misunderstandings, and munchkinry. Updates Fridays.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Dungeons and Dragons - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 72 - Words: 301,307 - Reviews: 5589 - Favs: 4,805 - Follows: 5,462 - Updated: 2/27/2015 - Published: 5/7/2012
Time to Put Your Galleons Where Your Mouth Is by Tsume Yuki reviews
Harry had never been able to comprehend a sibling relationship before, but he always thought he'd be great at it. Until, as Master of Death, he's reborn one Turais Rigel Black, older brother to Sirius and Regulus. (Rebirth/time travel and Master of Death Harry)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 46,303 - Reviews: 2618 - Favs: 12,903 - Follows: 4,900 - Updated: 1/14/2015 - Published: 8/11/2014 - Harry P., Sirius B., Regulus B., Walburga B. - Complete
Secret of Frost and Moon by Alaia Skyhawk reviews
When death turns out not to be the end, you can't help but ask for what purpose you were brought back... What differences would it make, to remember your past right from the begining? To learn your purpose, piece by piece, right from the start? How would that change the life, future, and secrets of the Spirit of Winter; Jack Frost?
Rise of the Guardians - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 130 - Words: 499,493 - Reviews: 3330 - Favs: 2,004 - Follows: 1,282 - Updated: 11/2/2014 - Published: 12/23/2012 - Jack Frost - Complete
Do Over by Kyogre reviews
Naruto and Kurama accidentally end up in the past, on the day of Naruto's birth, and are forced to live their lives all over again. They make the best of it, to everyone else's extreme confusion. (Alive Minato and Kushina, humor.)
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 23,823 - Reviews: 1303 - Favs: 7,597 - Follows: 3,506 - Updated: 10/7/2014 - Published: 8/27/2014 - Naruto U., Minato N., Kyuubi/Kurama, Kushina U. - Complete
More Than Just A Murder by AkitaFallow reviews
As bodies pile up and evidence remains scarce, the CSI team has to fight against increasingly strange circumstances and an even stranger suspect in order to solve what is likely the most complicated case they have ever encountered. /FMA 2003 anime, NOT CoS compliant/
Crossover - CSI & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 42 - Words: 200,940 - Reviews: 2097 - Favs: 1,374 - Follows: 1,221 - Updated: 10/3/2014 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Gil G., Edward E. - Complete
Nightfall by Le'letha reviews
Canon-divergent: 20 years after Chief Stoick's wife and son were lost in a dragon raid, the Vikings of Berk shoot down a Night Fury…and its rider, a feral youth who believes he is a dragon. [Not slash. Crossposted on AO3.]
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 21 - Words: 149,267 - Reviews: 685 - Favs: 1,122 - Follows: 676 - Updated: 8/13/2014 - Published: 7/4/2014 - Astrid, Hiccup, Stoick, Toothless - Complete
Acceleration by The-Chibi-Poe reviews
The results of her trip into the locker yield a different sort of administration for Taylor Hebert. Overwhelming power isn't a solution to all of your problems. Sometimes it creates more than it solves. A lesson that Taylor is going to learn all too well.
Crossover - Worm & Toaru Majutsu no Index/とある魔術の禁書目録 - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Adventure - Chapters: 56 - Words: 99,999 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 1,438 - Follows: 748 - Published: 6/21/2014 - Complete
Prince of the Dark Kingdom by Mizuni-sama reviews
Ten years ago, Voldemort created his kingdom. Now a confused young wizard stumbles into it, and carves out a destiny. AU. Nondark Harry. MentorVoldemort. VII Ch.8 In which someone is dead, wounded, or kidnapped in every scene.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 147 - Words: 1,253,480 - Reviews: 10979 - Favs: 6,869 - Follows: 6,186 - Updated: 6/17/2014 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort
Interstitium by AssaultSloth reviews
Flashbacks, interstitial scenes, and backdoor dealings. A companion to ME2 focusing on characters and worlds, big and small.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 33 - Words: 535,038 - Reviews: 903 - Favs: 992 - Follows: 728 - Updated: 4/30/2014 - Published: 2/16/2010 - Shepard (M), Garrus V., Miranda L., Tali'Zorah - Complete
Harry Potter and the Forests of Valbonë by enembee reviews
Long ago the Forests of Valbonë were closed to wizards and all were forbidden to set foot within them. So when, at the end of his second year, Harry becomes disenchanted with his life at Hogwarts, where else could he and his unlikely band of cohorts want to go? Join Harry on a trip into the unknown, where the only certainty is that he has absolutely no idea what he's doing.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 49 - Words: 115,748 - Reviews: 2118 - Favs: 2,426 - Follows: 2,514 - Updated: 6/29/2013 - Published: 8/14/2011 - Harry P., Sorting Hat
Hogyoku ex Machina by Mac Ceallach reviews
In the final battle with Aizen a different choice is made, and now Ichigo and his greatest enemy have gone back to the beginning. His best friends are powerless, his allies don't know him, and everything he loves is in danger. No non-canon pairings. Complete, with the sequel now posted.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 19 - Words: 172,592 - Reviews: 1773 - Favs: 5,234 - Follows: 2,096 - Updated: 6/24/2013 - Published: 10/30/2010 - Ichigo K. - Complete
Fantastic Elves and Where to Find Them by evansentranced reviews
After the Dursleys abandon six year old Harry in a park in Kent, Harry comes to the realization that he is an elf. Not a house elf, though. A forest elf. Never mind wizards vs muggles; Harry has his own thing going on. Character study, pre-Hogwarts, NOT a creature!fic, slightly cracky.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 38,289 - Reviews: 814 - Favs: 3,642 - Follows: 1,382 - Updated: 9/8/2012 - Published: 6/8/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
Stages of Hope by kayly silverstorm reviews
Professor Sirius Black, Head of Slytherin house, is confused. Who are these two strangers found at Hogwarts, and why does one of them claim to be the son of Lily Lupin and that git James Potter? Dimension travel AU, no pairings so far. Dark humour.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 94,563 - Reviews: 3750 - Favs: 5,909 - Follows: 2,867 - Updated: 9/3/2012 - Published: 4/10/2011 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Tampering with Time is Risky Business by Athey reviews
Draco deeply regrets taking the Mark. He's terrified of failure and he cant fix the vanishing cabinet. Then he stumbles across a box that holds the secret to time travel. He goes back to 1st year to try and save his family and earns a loyal friend.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 39,815 - Reviews: 391 - Favs: 1,536 - Follows: 1,847 - Updated: 8/20/2012 - Published: 6/3/2011 - Draco M., Harry P.
Do Unto Others by Halcyon5 reviews
AU. A small group of Jedi flees Coruscant after Sidious's purge, making contact with unexpected allies who may be able to help them regain what was lost.
Crossover - Star Wars & Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 22 - Words: 171,436 - Reviews: 730 - Favs: 897 - Follows: 913 - Updated: 4/6/2012 - Published: 4/8/2011 - Anakin Skywalker
Wizard Behind the Wheel by willyolioleo reviews
Who knew that getting a driver's license could be such a hassle? Epilogue fic.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,975 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 220 - Follows: 136 - Published: 8/29/2011 - Harry P., Ron W.
Will of Foxfire by Quill of Molliemon reviews
AU, no bijuu, follows "Fox Moon". Naruto has secrets and Sasuke wants to please his father. Oh, and there's Orochimaru, plotting Kitsune, unfortunate werewolves, assorted demons, mysterious elders, simmering tensions, attempted murder, unhappy mothers...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 61 - Words: 258,323 - Reviews: 936 - Favs: 1,115 - Follows: 549 - Updated: 8/19/2011 - Published: 6/26/2010 - [Minato N., Kushina U.] Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
From Harvest to the Ark by TheAmateur reviews
The Human-Covenant War raged for twenty-seven years. Those who survived were not the best, but the luckiest.
Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 101 - Words: 408,624 - Reviews: 721 - Favs: 355 - Follows: 190 - Updated: 7/3/2011 - Published: 5/17/2010 - Complete
The Last Jedi by Darth Marrs reviews
There are no Jedi; no Sith. There are Abnormals—persons born with a midi-chlorian count proscribed at a dangerous level by the Galactic Empire. Those persons are euthanized immediately upon discovery. That is, until they come for the son of the last Jedi.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 46 - Words: 184,903 - Reviews: 1151 - Favs: 869 - Follows: 406 - Updated: 3/24/2011 - Published: 1/30/2010 - Complete
Hikaru no Ramen by Sakiku reviews
What if Hikaru’d had a computer at home? What if he had never played Touya? What if he had never become pro? What if he had become a ramen chef instead? This is what Hikaru's life might have been like... 12/20/09: Minor Edit
Hikaru no Go - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 62,900 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 872 - Follows: 426 - Updated: 10/11/2009 - Published: 7/12/2009 - Hikaru S., Fujiwara no Sai - Complete
Bound to Eternity by Valakun reviews
What good is an immortal demon's soul container if the container doesn't last? Ah the flower of youth...who says it's fleeting? A Naruto/Ranma/SM crossover.
Crossover - Ranma & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 25 - Words: 88,025 - Reviews: 1237 - Favs: 1,130 - Follows: 1,152 - Updated: 9/16/2009 - Published: 9/20/2004
The New Guy by SilverRose88 reviews
COMPLETE!Sasuke is the new guy at school. Naruto hates him from day one. What happens when the two are paired for a project, or even worse, staring opposite roles in Romeo and Juliet? And what happens when Neji joins the picture? SasuNaru
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 211,302 - Reviews: 846 - Favs: 598 - Follows: 226 - Updated: 6/25/2006 - Published: 4/11/2005 - Complete
What Might Be by Sakiku reviews
Kyuubi makes Naruto kill all of his former teammates. Afterwards, Naruto doesn't want to live anymore, but to his horror, he has to realize that Kyuubi has made him nigh immortal...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,662 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 469 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 4/3/2006 - Published: 3/30/2006 - Kyuubi/Kurama, Naruto U. - Complete
Saving Connor by Lightning on the Wave reviews
AU, eventual HPDM slash, very Slytherin!Harry. Harry's twin Connor is the Boy Who Lived, and Harry is devoted to protecting him by making himself look ordinary. But certain people won't let Harry stay in the shadows... COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 81,263 - Reviews: 1846 - Favs: 5,181 - Follows: 1,259 - Updated: 10/5/2005 - Published: 9/15/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Illusia by Blonde Badger reviews
*Complete* Jim has just discovered Illusia, A VR fantasy game where you interact with others over the ethernet. In this other world Jim's met someone who might be more than just a friend. Jim/Aisha (Oh C'mon by now you all know who Odana is)
Outlaw Star - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,639 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/13/2003 - Published: 2/11/2003 - Complete