Author has written 3 stories for Naruto, Halo, and Code Geass.
Name- King Draconias (As far as you're concerned)
Age- Between the time I was born and until the day I die.
Favorite Shows (in no particular order)- Code Geass, Sword Art Online (even though I feel a little miffed that Argo only had one freaking scene in the entire anime, I still think it's an awesome show), Dragon Ball (including Z and GT), Fairy Tail, Bleach, Digimon (though my most favorite is Tamers since it was the first truly serious season of the series, Data Squad/Savers and Xros Wars aren't bad though), Fate/Zero & Fate/Stay Night, Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist (both Brotherhood and the 2003 one), One Piece, Hellsing (prefer the OVAs, but the original anime wasn't too bad), Gotham, Scorpion, The Librarians, Law & Order, CSI: Cyber (the only CSI show I like), The Big Bang Theory, The Simpsons (an eternal classic, even if some things have gone downhill), Everybody Hates Chris (a show loosely based on Chris Rock's childhood, with said comedian providing absolutely hilarious voice-overs every episode), The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, @midnight with Chris Hardwick, Real Time with Bill Maher, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Sonic X (an oldie but goodie), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the 2003 version), All the shows that make up the DCAU (DC Animated Universe), Young Justice, The Batman, Batman Brave and the Bold, Teen Titans (the original series, not Teen Titans Go though that one is pretty funny usually), Ultimate Spider-Man, Marvel's The Avengers, X-Men Evolution, Wolverine and the X-Men, Devil May Cry (the short series, though I do like the games. Except for DmC, that "reboot" was a terrible idea and a complete mockery of the original games), Soul Eater, Soul Eater NOT, and Star Wars The Clone Wars
Least Favorite Show- Naruto (The premise of the story was great, and I could handle a character as naive as Naruto. When he was twelve! It was around when Shippuden started that things just started to get ridiculous. It's one thing being an idealistic twelve year old in the first year of your career as a shinobi, but it's another thing being a naive fool after literally everything Naruto went through during Shippuden and the fact that he never seemed to develop any actual skills that weren't pulled from his ass along with his complete and utter lack of willingness to realize that some promises just couldn't, and shouldn't, be kept and that some people weren't worth fighting for. But what really, really pisses me off about him, is his complete lack of maturation in over three years of being trained by one of the most powerful people in the world and still being a complete fool! Yes, he had sparks of maturity throughout the series, but his complete denial and rejection of anything that he disagreed with and a belief he could change those things is just far too childish for someone who suffered as much as he did. Even Goku (one of the most childish protagonists, even as an adult) acted mature when he needed to, but Naruto just kept on being the most pathetically naive shinobi around no matter what happened.)
(The above rant is actually why I tend to like Naruto Fanfictions, at least I can actually find some real creativity in some of them. I really did enjoy the series when it first began and I tried to stick with Shippuden to the end despite my growing dislike for just about everything going on in the storyline, but I just couldn't do it. It is through Naruto Fanfictions that I can find my original love of the series again.)
Favorite Movies (in no particular order)- The Princess Bride, The Addams Family, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Pirates of the Caribbean, Puss In Boots, Hotel Transylvania, Frozen, Men In Black (all of them), The Matrix Trilogy, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, All Harry Potter movies, All of the movies that make up the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), The Night at the Museum movies, Space Jam, Rise of the Guardians (I love Jack Frost in that movie), The Star Wars movies, The new Star Trek movies, Runaway Locomon (a Digimon Tamers movie), The Librarians movies, The Simpsons Movie, The Batman vs. Dracula, Ghostbusters (both of'em), Ice Age (all of'em), Open Season (all of them), Back to the Future Trilogy, Kung Fu Panda movies, and Most of the Marvel Animated movies and DC Animated movies
Favorite Game Series' (in no particular order)- Assassin's Creed, Metal Gear, Devil May Cry (the original games), Halo, Madden, MLB The Show, and NBA 2K
Favorite Books/Book Series' (in no particular order)- Dragon Rider, The Egypt Game, Le Morte D'Arthur, The Once and Future King, The Book of Merlyn (not a typo, T.H. White actually spelled it that way), The Inheritance Cycle, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Kane Chronicles, The Heroes of Olympus, Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, The Kingdom Keepers, the Lionboy Trilogy, The Last Dragon Chronicles, Deltora Quest series, the Stoneheart Trilogy, the Bunnicula series, the Magic Treehouse series, the Tales from the Odyssey series, The Boxcar Children series, and the Harry Potter series
Favorite Sports Teams (in no particular order)- Chicago Bulls, Milwaukee Bucks, New York Mets, Atlanta Braves, Milwaukee Brewers, Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins, Green Bay Packers, and Wisconsin Badgers (Basketball & Football)
Personality- I am unrepentantly sarcastic at the best of times and if you're someone I find enjoyable to speak to, you will most likely have to regularly double check to know whether or not something I just said is meant to be a joke or if I was serious. My sense of humor is extremely dry and I have almost no filter between my brain and my mouth which is why I generally prefer to type my answers out on online conversations instead of speaking directly to a person, despite the difficulty of only speaking using the written word. (It's easier to backtrack before I possibly say something 'not normal' that way.) My sense of humor can also take extremely morbid turns at the most random times and my black (i.e. morbid) humor is most definitely not something for the general public. I have to constantly remind myself to not joke about something that I would find funny because in most cases it would severely disturb someone else. I regularly joke about my own death to the point of it possibly being unhealthy, but I try to avoid real life tragedies, like 9/11 and things similar in nature out of respect for the dead. I greatly respect all soldiers who choose to serve in their countries military, despite not being anything even close to a soldier myself, because I realize that it takes great personal sacrifice to be a soldier. I am a very honest person simply because I see no point in lies that needlessly complicate things and I love animals. Personally, if I don't like you odds are I won't interact with you much at all in order to minimize any temptation I would feel to do anything to you (and if I need to interact with you odds are I will probably be about as blunt as a hammer) and if I like you and we're friends I will probably be that little voice on your shoulder that bares a distinct resemblance to a tiny devil telling you to go for it and screw the consequences. But I genuinely care for my friends and family even if I am probably at the heart of most of the craziness that happens with them. I am a veritable fortress of contradictory personality traits, but I always try my best to stick to my principles because I cannot stand hypocrites who abandon their principles at the drop of a hat. I stand for what I believe in and the only reason I would even come close to changing that is if circumstances that had placed someone I was close to in serious danger demanded it or if I was faced with a very sound argument that made me take new knowledge into consideration. With the latter, the most likely thing I would do would be to incorporate that new knowledge into my principles rather than change them completely.
My Personal Philosophy- I am a Pragmatic Agnostic Theist. If you're confused as to what that means, I'll explain right now. An Agnostic is someone who is in-between being an Atheist (believing in no God(s) whatsoever) and being religious, but there are at least four different types of Agnostic. For the purposes of my explanation, I will just clarify the two versions of Agnostic I am. A Pragmatic Agnostic doesn't see the question of a God or Gods existing as being anything other than purely academic since they believe that, should God(s) exist, it/they clearly don't seem to care about anyone on this planet since so many horrible things are always occurring. An Agnostic Theist on the other hand believes in the existence of a God or group of Gods, but doesn't lay claim to know just what kind of higher power exists. To simplify my explanation a little more, I believe that there is most likely something around that could be classified as a God or Gods, but I don't really feel that it will affect my life in any way until I'm dead. Although, I do have a more specific belief system that isn't completely what I just described (just look over the next paragraph if you're curious).
As far as I'm concerned all God(s) that are spoken about throughout history, the ones spoken about in the present, and those that will be spoken about in the future, already exist, and the God(s) you worship as well as any God(s) whose followers you have grievously harmed or killed, for reasons other than protecting those you love or innocents from immediate danger and self-defense, are the ones who judge you after your death. Atheists are automatically reincarnated into what they deserve based on what they did with their life. Agnostics are judged by the Higher Beings that they believe in and are judged based on how they lived their life and if they lived their life by the principles that they truly believed in. The Higher World, also known as the Heavens, is divided into sectors separated for each religion's God(s) to exist as well as the afterlives that they rule over. There are two Lower Worlds, one is known as the Underworld and the other is known as Hell. Depending on the severity of the crime committed by a Mortal Soul and whether or not they made up for their crime while they were alive, a soul has four options after they leave their Mortal Bodies. If they have successfully made up for the crime(s) they committed in life, they will be allowed to choose between reincarnation or living in their religion's afterlife. If they haven't made up for their crime(s) while they were alive, depending on the severity of the crime(s) and the soul's emotions toward the crime(s) (i.e whether or not they feel genuine regret for committing it/them or if their reasons for committing the crime are understandable. An example of an acceptable reason for committing a crime would be a father killing someone for molesting his daughter who isn't even in puberty yet. The reasoning behind such a crime is very understandable because what that someone would have done is terrible.), they will be sent to either the Underworld or Hell. If they feel genuine regret for their crime(s) or their reasoning behind the committing of the crime(s) is understandable, the soul will be sent to the Underworld for a personalized punishment for a specific period of time and once that time is served the soul is reincarnated into the Mortal World to try again or very rarely, depending on the circumstances, the soul may have their punishment waived completely and be allowed to choose between their religion's afterlife or reincarnation. This process has no limit and as long as a soul doesn't commit a truly irredeemable crime with no remorse or reason they will be allowed to try an indefinite amount of times until they succeed and are allowed to enter the afterlife of their religion. However if a soul commits a truly irredeemable crime and feel absolutely no remorse for committing it and they had no understandable reasoning behind it, the soul is removed from the cycle of reincarnation, is barred from entering the Higher World forever, and they are sentenced to Hell for all eternity. The truly irredeemable crimes that can be committed are best left judged by Higher Beings because they are far less blinded by Mortal emotions than any Mortal and other Living Beings.
Political Ideology- I really, really don't like politics (I feel that it brings out the absolute worst in everyone involved). However, I feel it is my duty as a citizen to participate in the political process in order to make sure that my voice is heard as best I can. The beliefs I follow when it comes to politics can best be described as being mostly center-left on the political "left-right" spectrum. I consider myself to be a LaFollette Progressive and I'll explain what I mean by that right now. Robert M. LaFollette was a State Senator and Governor from Wisconsin in the early 1900s during the Progressive Era of U.S. Politics and he founded the state Progressive Party. This party was then taken over by Teddy Roosevelt and nationalized in an attempt to bring the Progressive Agenda to a national audience and later became known as the Bull Moose Party (I actually don't think this was such a bad idea, but most of the Progressive Agenda was not exactly welcomed by states who leaned more conservative, which was quite a few states back then).
The reason I consider myself a "LaFollette Progressive" and not a "Roosevelt Progressive" or "Bull Moose Progressive" is because I actually agree more with LaFollette's political principles than any other politician I've researched. For issues that he never really had to deal with, there are obviously many issues that didn't exist during LaFollette's lifetime, I tend to view things through a Progressive Moderate perspective, leaning on the side of more oversight by government in public places (government buildings, businesses, etc.) in order to protect the public though I do feel that, barring things that can affect public health and safety, government should not peer into people's private lives unless absolutely necessary.
List of Video Games I Like
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Devil May Cry
Devil May Cry 4 (and the Special Edition)
Devil May Cry 2
Halo: Combat Evolved
Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary
Halo 3: ODST
Halo: Spartan Assault
Assassins Creed: Altair's Chronicles
Assassins Creed: Bloodlines
Assassins Creed II
Assassins Creed II: Discovery
Assassins Creed: Brotherhood
Assassins Creed: Revelations
Assassins Creed IV: The Black Flag
Assassins Creed III
Assassins Creed III: Liberation
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker
Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake
Metal Gear Solid
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Pairings I Like/Dislike
NarutoxFemKyuubi (She's been with him since the day of his birth and has seen his life firsthand. Thus she is one the only beings able to fully understand Naruto's life.)
NarutoxFemNibi (As a Bijuu, she would be able to understand his life, because of how the Bijuu are misunderstood similar to the Jinchuriki.)
NarutoxFemNanabi (Same as Nibi.)
NarutoxFu (She's a Jinchuriki, so she is one of the only humans to be able to truly understand his life.)
NarutoxYugito (Same as Fu.)
GaaraxFemShukaku (Same as Kyuubi and Naruto.)
YaguraxFemSanbi (Bijuu are some of the only beings capable of truly understanding Jinchuriki.)
RoshixFemYonbi (Same as Yagura and Sanbi.)
HanxFemGobi (Same as above.)
UtakataxFemRokubi (Same as above.)
KirabixFemHachibi (Same as above.)
NaruHina (Now before anybody goes on a rant about how 'they're meant to be' or some such bullshit, let me just say a few words to state my point. Stalker. With. Byakugan. You know, that eye that has x-ray vision? Does anybody get my thoughts on how fucking creepy that is? Not to mention the fact that she saw how he was treated and didn't even make an effort to become his friend. Silent support is all well and good, but without them knowing about it, it's basically the same thing as being ignored. Now, if someone used the pairing in a similar way to DevilKeys I might read it. At least they had some prior interaction in his story instead of her admiring Naruto's determination from afar. The fact that she had the nerve to say that she understood what Naruto went through really pissed me off because she still had a family and she wasn't ignored by the entire village save, like three or four people. I'm going to quote Aizen Sosuke with 'Admiration is the emotion farthest from understanding.' Say what you will about that bastard, but he would have been a hell of a psychologist with his knowledge on human emotions. Of course it doesn't change the fact that the jackass had a silver tongue fit for Apophis and an ego the size of the Universe, but he sure knew his stuff when it came to human emotions, specifically how to manipulate them.)
NaruSaku (Now I'm just going to say, with how many times that pink haired bitch hit him, I'm not surprised that Naruto turned into an idiot who instantly forgives his worst enemies. Abusive relationships like this would never work. The worst thing is that she uses Naruto as her personal punching bag for no reason other than to make herself feel better. I've actually tried to keep count of how many times she hit him, and I lost count (not really surprising to be honest) and the number was pretty damn high.)
IchiRuki (Now before anyone says that this relationship is the same as NaruSaku, stop and think about the interactions between the different pairings. Ichigo and Rukia's relationship began as a business partnership because of Ichigo becoming a Subsitute Shinigami. It later evolved, after the Grand Fisher incident, with them becoming somewhat friends. Throughout the time before Rukia's forced return to Soul Society, the two of them grew closer, enough for Ichigo to be willing to risk his life to go and save her from the execution block. Literally. Throughout the entire time that Ichigo was trying to save her, Rukia was more worried about his well-being than her own life. Ichigo, throughout his invasion of Seireitei, was only thinking about how he was going to protect the person who gave him the strength to protect his family as well as gave up her freedom to save his life from her brother. Afterward, when Ichigo was feeling scared and nervous about his Inner Hollow, Rukia kicked his ass back into shape with an example of how weak he had become because of letting his fear rule him and helped him overcome that fear with a heartwarming speech. The only times they ever really 'fought' each other was when Ichigo made a crack about her lack of drawing skills and even then it was basically a 'love tap'. Sakura sent Naruto into full body trenches, craters, and walls for less then that. Not to mention that Ichigo, quite literally went to Hell and back to save her.)
IchiSenn (In Memories of Nobody, I really enjoyed watching the interactions between Ichigo and Senna. She was like a more playful Rukia. The way that she and Ichigo interacted were very similar to the way Ichigo and Rukia interact making this an interesting secondary pairing.)
ChadxTatsuki (The two of them have both known Ichigo for a pretty long time and they are both relatively normal, and I use the term normal loosely, humans that can see and fight Hollows. The fact that they are both fighters as well makes this a really interesting pairing.)
IshiHime (If Orihime could get over Ichigo I think that the two of them would be an interesting pairing.)
GinxRangiku (Say what you will about Gin, but you have to admit that he was a truly unique person. Possibly one of the only snake-like characters that was actually a good person at heart. He also was one hell of a mastermind. To plan out Aizen's death and wait for over one hundred years shows that he has an incredible will to not forget his goal for the power that he could have had with Aizen. Also, the fact that he did it to get revenge from something stolen from Rangiku shows that he truly cared about her. Even as he's dying he wondered if he still had the right to love her. I say he does, in my opinion at least. Gin is one of my favorite characters because of his sacrifice. To go against his home and the woman he loved to stop a madman bent on becoming a God and get revenge for the woman that he loved, that shows incredible commitment to his goals as well as his willpower to resist the temptation of power.)
HitsuHina (Hitsugaya and Hinamori have been shown to care deeply for each other and they are also childhood friends. It's an interesting pairing because of how Toshiro comforts Momo after Aizen's betrayal. It's a really sweet pairing in my opinion.)
IsshinxMasaki (Especially after the reveal about how they met and got together and what he gave up for her. The love Isshin feels for Masaki is something that should be emulated by every man in a relationship, albeit less extreme and expressive.)
IchiHime (In a similar vein to Hinata stalking Naruto, Orihime, before she had gone to Las Noches, snuck into Ichigo's bedroom and nearly kissed his wounded and unconcious body. That isn't as creepy, but it's still up there on the creepy scale. Adding in to the fact that she has delusions of seeing Ichigo as a prince with always noble intentions just highlights how blind she is. If it meant Ichigo could keep his Nakama safe he would butcher anyone in his way with extreme prejudice and she doesn't see that. If she wanted somebody noble she should think more of Uryuu because of his Quincy pride and chivalry... stuff. Not to mention that she is the weakest one in their group and yet she says she wants to fight. She has the weakest resolve I have ever seen as well as probably the most disgusting lack of faith she has in her comrades ever. She was easily played by Ulquiorra when he showed the images of her comrades fighting the second Espada assault and she didn't even consider that the images might have been faked or that they deliberately left out specific scenes in order to gain her as a hostage. That is just pathetic. Ichigo, Uryuu, and Chad are her age and they have the will to fight and possibly die for their comrades, but she doesn't even have a single shred of that devotion to her comrades. If she wanted to be helpful she should have listened to Urahara when he told her to stay off the front lines. Healers like her should get out of the way of the real fighters so they don't become a casualty. The worst things about her character (I mean her personality and the other kind of character.) is her complete dependence on Ichigo (i.e. On the roof if Las Noches she begged Ichigo's body that had fucking see through hole through the torso to save her. The result, a completely hollowfied Ichigo running on his two base instincts; Fight and Protect. Sad thing is they both ended up conflicting with each other so Ichigo fought for, and only protected himself.) Her final worst character flaw is that, as long as Ichigo is alive for her, her other friends can rot in Hell. Literally. When Ichigo was getting ready for his second assault on Hell, she told him, 'You must come back.' Ichigo nodded thinking that she meant with his friends, but she only meant him. What she feels for Ichigo is not love, but a deep admiration for his good qualities and a rejection of his negative ones. Which in my opinion is why her powers are perfect for her. Her rejection of reality stems from her personality which basically rejects anything she doesn't want to see or admit is real and rejects in favor of a better false reality for her own mind, which to her is real. Its mostly subconcsious as she barely even realizes this piece of her personality. I think it stems from when she lost her brother when she was younger. PTSD and all that psychological stuff.)
InuyashaxKagome (In the beginning their relationship is very rocky, but as the series progresses it eventually turns into something very sweet.)
InuyashaxKikyo (Only in their past before they get screwed over by Naraku.)
MirokuxSango (Pretty much the same as Inuyasha and Kagome only Miroku is a terrible womanizer because of who raised him. Later on, similar Kagome and Inuyasha, they turn into an amazing couple. With their devotion to each other, its actually kind of surprising to see how they end up because, as far as I could tell, Miroku actually stopped womanizing. That actually made me think the end of the world was close to happening.)
SesshoumaruxAdultRin (Because Rin is one of the first humans that Sesshoumaru didn't kill upon their first meeting I think that he would eventually go on to fall in love with her when she matured.)
SesshoumaruxKagura (Kagura and Sesshoumaru had an interesting dynamic in the show and when Kagura died, I think that he felt somewhat sad. He had thought about actually using the Tenseiga to save her before he realized that she was too far gone to save.)
KohakuxRin (Having both traveled with Sesshoumaru I think that they got to know each other fairly well. It would be an interesting pairing to see.)
KohakuxKanna (Similar to above, but instead both being forced to serve Naraku. Considering Kanna showed Kagome the key to defeating Naraku I think that she was forced to obey him. It would be an interesting pairing to see in my opinion.)
Inu no TaishoxIzayoi (Inuyasha's Mother) (In the third movie it revealed a lot of information about the two of them and it also revealed how deeply they cared for each other.)
Inu no TaishoxInuKimi (Sesshoumaru's Mother) (Considering the fact that demons have different values than humans I'm not all that surprised that Sesshoumaru's mother didn't really care about her mate's 'fascination with humans' and the fact that she still loved him years after his death makes this pairing really interesting.)
Surprisingly the only pairing I actually dislike about Inuyasha is InuyashaxKikyo and that's only when she's brought back from the dead. In their past its actually really sweet, before Naraku screws them over at least. As well as non-canonical Yaoi.
ZoroxKuina (I felt pretty bad for Zoro when I saw that Kuina had died. The two of them would have become amazing swordsmen together and had she lived I'm positive the two of them would have fallen for each other.)
NatsuxErza (Mostly because of the Tower of Heaven Arc.)
GrayxJuvia (Water and Ice. Plus the fact that Gray shows that he cares for Juvia pretty deeply. Considering the fact that the two of them could perform Unison Raid I think that the two of then are pretty close.)
NatsuxLisanna (When they were kids their dynamic was really funny and I'm almost positive that the two of them would have gotten together eventually had she not been sent to Edolas.)
There aren't really any pairings that I actively dislike in Fairy Tail aside from Non-canonical Yaoi.
Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood/2003 Anime
EdxWinry (The two of them always seemed to just click. Edward, when he is in trouble or has something that has upset him, can always turn to Winry. And Winry is always there for him. That makes this pairing a really sweet one in my opinion.)
AlxMei Ling (I find Mei's reaction to seeing Edward for the first time incredibly hilarious and then, when she and Alphonse get to know each other, I think that the two of them would be an interesting pairing.)
LingxLan Fan (She's incredibly loyal to Ling and the fact that the two of them always seemed very close to me.)
MustangxRiza (The two of them are a hell of a tag team when they are in a battle and they have a pretty interesting dynamic in the show. It makes an interesting pairing in my opinion.)
TaixSora (With the two of them being childhood friends, the two of them know a lot about each other and I think that they could grow a whole lot closer.)
Digimon Adventure 02
T.K.xKari (The two of them have been friends for years and the fact that T.K. could find Kari even when she was trapped in the Dark Ocean makes me think that the two of them are very close to each other.)
DavisxKari (Davis is far too arrogant and immature to be in a relationship. Unless he mellows out with age this pairing wouldn't really work. Adding on to that is the fact that he is generally overbearing when it comes to Kari and tends to not listen to good advice from the two who had been to the Digital World before, unless it's from Kari.)
TakatoxRika (The two of them make a really interesting pairing in my opinion. Over time their relationship has evolved from being enemies to being close friends.)
HenryxJeri (Henry can be a very sympathetic person, and with all the trauma that Jeri has gone through, I think that they could really grow to care for each other.)
RyoxRika (Ryo is a flaky person at best. Him and Rika wouldn't really get along much and the fact that he's very self entered makes me doubt that the two of them would ever get along.)
TakuyaxZoe (The two of them have a very interesting relationship and the fact that Wind can either increase Fire's strength or calm it down, makes this a very interesting pairing.)
KiritsuguxIrisviel (I think that their love for each other was very beautiful and it just made the ending even more heartbreaking.)
Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion R1/R2
Lelouch (Zero) x Anya (I think that they were rather close when they were kids, considering the fact that Anya had a picture of a young Lelouch on her phone, and I think it would be an interesting pairing.)
Lelouch (Zero) x C.C. (I really liked their relationship in canon and I found them to be very interesting, especially since Lelouch was probably the closest relationship that C.C. had in a very long time. I think that this pairing is something that has great potential and it is definitely something about it that seems very captivating.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Kallen (Kallen's great loyalty to Lelouch, along with her feelings for him, make this pairing a very interesting one in my opinion.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Kaguya (Kaguya is such a little hellion, not to mention the intellect she must have to run a corporate conglomerate at her age, and I think she matches up amusingly with a large ham like Lelouch.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Milly (Since Milly is only one year older than Lelouch and her family sponsored his mother when she was one of the first Knightmare Pilots, I'm almost positive they knew each other when they were children and I think that their dynamic when they are in school is very funny. I think that this would be a very sweet pairing.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Shirley (Despite Shirely's lack of knowledge regarding Lelouch's true nature, both as a Prince and as Zero later on, I just found her to be a very refreshing breath compared to many other protagonist love interests, like Orihime for example, in that she truly did fall in love with Lelouch over time and she didn't just bend over and do whatever he asked. She had a really sweet and kind personality that, in contrast with Lelouch's cold demeanor, seemed to melt the walls surrounding Lelouch's heart away over time. I just find this pairing to be a very sweet one in my opinion.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Jiang Lihua (Tianzi) (I think that, after spending a lot of time around Kaguya and as long as she didn't end up with Xingke, Jiang could really grow to like Zero, and later Lelouch, eventually.)
Lelouch (Zero) x Nunnally (Now before anyone bites my head off about this, I have explained my stance regarding incest below. Regardless of anything else about this pairing, I just think that the love between Lelouch and Nunnally is something very beautiful and I just can't help but like this pairing.)
Suzaku x Euphemia (Despite their naivete, I think that the two of them were very sweet together and I really enjoyed the relationship between the two of them.)
Xingke x Jiang Lihua (Tianzi) (Because Xingke is older, I don't think that he is necessarily romantically attracted to the young Jiang, who is only like thirteen or fourteen in R2. I think what he feels for her is a great devotion for her sparing his life, but he could definitely grow to fall in love with her once she matures.)
Sword Art Online
KiritoxArgo (I think it'd be a really cute pairing, a mischievous Argo and a serious Kirito sounds like it could provide a ton of fun conversations. Plus I feel she deserves more attention than only one whole scene.)
KiritoxAsuna (I think that the two of them are really cute together.)
EragonxArya (After Eragon becomes the Leader of the Riders, he will end up maturing fast due to having to train future Riders and being in a position of great political influence. Besides, after a century or two a one hundred year age gap doesn't really mean all that much.)
MurtaghxNasuada (Nasuada ended up helping Murtagh change his True Name and free him from his forced servitude of Galbatorix. Changing someone's True Name is a big deal because that means, aside from Selena, Murtagh and Eragon's mother, Nasuada was the first woman that Murtagh actually loved and the first woman he loved romantically.)
MurtaghxElva (The two of them never had the greatest life, but they both learned to deal with it. I think that the two of them could really grow to love each other.)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians
PercyxAnnabeth (How much they care about each other is highlighted in the Mark of Athena and that makes it an incredibly interesting pairing.)
LukexThalia (Before Luke turned evil, the two of them really cared about each other.)
PercyxThalia (I found their dynamic in the Titan's Curse interesting and I think that it would be an interesting pairing.)
NicoxThalia (Regarding Nico's character, despite it saying he was homosexual, I think that Nico is closer to bisexual because he liked Percy for his personality, something that transcends gender differences. So I can see this pairing happening.)
PercyxArtemis (Percy is the first male that Artemis has held respect for in a very long time so I could see this pairing happening. It's not the most likely, but it's still somewhat possible.)
Heroes of Olympus
My Stance On Incest (Both Pairing & Real Life)
When it comes to incest, I don't really have anything against it as long as it's a consensual relationship between both participants. As long as the age difference between the two participants is negligible, usually being ten years or less, I don't see a problem with a loving relationship between two people. Even if they are related. As long as it's not between parents and their children because of the position of psychological power that parents have over their children, I have no problem with two people being in a consensual and loving relationship with each other.
Besides, incest is only something that has become culturally forbidden in recent centuries. Royal families in ancient Egypt used to have children of the opposite sex raised apart from each other until puberty, completely negating any possible influence the Westermarck Effect (explained below) could have on their minds, and it wasn't uncommon for half-siblings to marry each other in order to keep the royal bloodline 'pure' so to speak. Even royal families in England have practiced incest in the past. As far as I'm concerned, as long as it's a consensual and loving relationship between two people with a minor age difference and they are at the very least in the middle of puberty, I am perfectly fine with accepting their relationship. Also, children borne to parents that are related aren't much more likely to have birth defects than children borne to parents who aren't related. It is only repeated incestuous relations, over the course of multiple generations in succession, that dramatically increase the possibility of children borne to parents who are related having birth defects. Otherwise, children who are born from parents who are related are barely anymore likely, compared to children born from parents who aren't related, to have birth defects.
The Westermarck Effect is a psychological reaction that is present in children from ages zero to six that causes the phenomenon known as 'reverse sexual imprinting' and it is that phenomenon that makes it normally psychologically impossible to be sexually attracted to family members. During that time frame, anyone that has had a significant amount of time taking care of or being around the child is subconsciously fazed out of the mind when it concerns the future need for reproduction. A study in the later 1900s was conducted by researchers, carefully documenting groups of children in the Middle East and it tracked their relationships over the course of decades and it revealed that over two thousand children who had been raised in the same group as each other subconsciously refused to enter into a sexual relationship with each other and instead chose to enter into relationships with those who they hadn't been with during the time frame of ages zero to six. The children subconsciously classified each other as 'family' and then were mentally eliminated from the category of prospective future mates. It essentially voids Freud's Oedipus Complex theory since he had been raised by a nursemaid from the ages zero to six, thus resulting in him not mentally eliminating his mother from the subconscious category of being a prospective mate for future reproductive needs. It is this phenomenon that prevents people with a relatively normal psychology who had been raised together from being attracted to one another.
I don't actually believe in this kinda thing usually, (Just to be clear what I don't usually believe in is the whole repost or have bad luck thing not horoscopes, those things can be scarily accurate) but I figure it's probably not a good idea to risk four years of bad luck on the off chance I'm wrong.
AQUARIUS - The Slut (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
PISCES - The Addict (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
LEO - The Cool One (7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! Very beautiful. Amazing. however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
CANCER - The Smart One. (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
ARIES- The Irresistible One (3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.
TAURUS- The Aggressive One (4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
LIBRA - The Partner for Life (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
CAPRICORN - The Cute One (12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it… Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
VIRGO- The Promiscuous One (8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Very weird and sometimes insane. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
GEMINI - The Liar (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships. Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
Mental Hospital Phone Menu
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital! Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you.
I'm sorry that I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk.
I'm sorry that my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants.
I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised.
I'm sorry that I'm not cute enough to be "your guy".
I'm sorry that I am actually nice; not a jerk.
I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things.
I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club.
I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.
I'm sorry that I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date.
I'm sorry that I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy.
I'm sorry that I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend.
I'm sorry if I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around.
I'm sorry if I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work.
I'm sorry that you can't realize I've been the one all along.
I'm sorry if you read this and know somebody like this but don't care, but most of all I'm sorry for not being sorry anymore.
I'm sorry that you can't accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.
I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for.
I'm sorry that I told you I loved you and actually meant it.
I'm sorry that I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.
I'm sorry that I cared, I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there are never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you. If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry' If you're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
(My reason for sharing this is because the first girl I ever cared for romantically hurt me a ton by doing many of the things on this list. We were both young when we met, but I truly loved her and she never really gave me a chance. Love capable of being both the most beautiful and the most painful feeling on the planet.)
25 reasons I owe my Mom
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of DIFFUSION. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
(I love this thing! In all seriousness though, I owe my mother everything so I think that this funny little post is a nice little thanks for everything she's done for me.)
Obituary of Mr. Common Sense
We mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not join the majority and do nothing.
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.
Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he opened his laptop and sent his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her email address and sent the e-mail to the wrong address, without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends.
Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. Hearing the crash, the widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother, and read the e-mail still on the screen.
To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. It sure is hot down here!
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a department store window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared me half to death!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, really it's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away.
I couldn't stop laughing after I read this and just had to share this hilarious story with every one on this site. I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. Take a good look at this story of this poor woman's date and copy and paste it on your profile if you like it.
The Fart That (Almost) Altered My Destiny
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways - uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized ...
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
“Seriously, you need to hurry - I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you ...” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob - just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Okay, are you sure you’re ...”
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this ... “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.
Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
"Three can keep a secret, if two are dead." - Ben Franklin
"Power without knowledge is useless, knowledge without power is meaningless." - Me
"Bullshit is everywhere... and the best defense against bullshit is vigilance." - Jon Stewart (Host of the Daily Show until August 6th, 2015)
"Politics is the art of bullshit, where "truth" and "facts" suddenly become debatable to anyone who can bullshit enough people to get them to vote for them. And yet participation in the political process is absolutely necessary to maintaining a stable society. You simply have to pick the least terrible option." - Me (in case you couldn't tell, I'm cynical when it comes to politics)
"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." - George Washington
"The will of the people shall be the law of the land." - Robert M. LaFollette Sr.