Author has written 6 stories for Inheritance Cycle, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
When you were 5, your mom gave you an ice-cream cone. You thanked her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming to soccer to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.
When you were 10, your mom paid for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.
When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night.
When you were 14, your mom paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.
When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.
When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.
When you were 20, your mom drove you to college. You thanked her by saying goodbye outside the dorm so you wouldn't have to in front of your friends.
When you were 26, your mom paid for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.
When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents are to their children.
Then on night she died quietly and everything you did came crashing down on you.
If you love your mom, copy and paste this in your profile. If you don't, then you won't care if your mom dies, will you?
I like cake.
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
How would I go about using it while sleeping?
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat."
Isn't that how we normally eat pasta? WE DON'T NEED A REMINDER!
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
So, I can just take this bag? Thank you, bad labels!
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
Why is that only a suggestion?
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
Too late, imbecile.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
Are you sure this wasn't a joke?
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
Yeah, like a child can drive, and a gameboy can be soooo dangerous, right?
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
Isn't that what its SUPPOSED to do?
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits".
So instead of eating fake fake food, I'm eating the real stuff!
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
Why would a knife be IN a child?
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
Those are the only two places.
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On my fist: Warning: Contains blood from the writer of this warning.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
What are you doing, teach retards to eat?
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
NO ONE is stupid enough to try that.
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
It doesn't? Then why did he fly in the movie?
On a children's fold-away stroller: Do not fold while child is in stroller.
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