The Percy Jackson pledge:
I promise to remember Percy whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''
I promise to remember Tyson whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesnt get along with others
I promise to remember Zoë whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel whenever a limo passes my car.
And yes I promise to remember PJO wherever I may go
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut. No-one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No-one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No-one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Repost this if you're against bullying and stereotyping. 95% of you won't. "
The boy you punched in the hall today.Committed suicide a few minutes ago.
September 11, 2001 - At 8:46 a.m, the attack on the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City began.
1. Bernard Curtis Brown II, age 11, American Airlines, Flight 77
As of August 2011, 1,122 #41%# of the victims have remained unidentified.
Here is a poem dedicated in remembrance of the victims of September 11, 2001...
Two thousand one, nine eleven,
GIRLS DON'T REALIZE THESE THINGS:
But most of all
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
This is from VID's profile! So true
"I SAY THEE NAY!"- Thor Odinson on far too many occasions to count.
"No, you don't get it. There is no throne. There is no way in which you come out of this on top. Because when they come, and they will, they'll come for you. Because if we can't save the Earth, then you can be damn sure we'll avenge it." - Tony Stark, being his usual badass self.
If you are...
calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, calling me DUMB won't make you SMART, calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, calling me MEAN won't make you NICE, calling me WEIRD won't make you COOL, calling me NERDY won't make you POPULAR, calling me GAY won't make you STRAIGHT
...just something for you to remember, copy and paste to your profile to show how strong you are inside and that people cannot break you so easily
Caller: Hey Mark, 'scuse me; I'm on my way to 3768. Kinda got hung up - it's rainin' out here - I'm on my way into Dallas. Jerry's probably gonna be callin' you to find out, uh, where I'm at if he can't get a hold of me I'm sure so, uh, thought...Whoa! Whoa! Man, I just had a wreck right in front of me. This guy ran a red light and hit, uh,...hit four old ladies in a...in an Impala. Just kind of clipped 'em; it turned 'em around right in front of me. Man, that was close. Oh now this guy's gettin' out of his car. He's got a white shirt with a tie on and a cigarette hangin' out of his mouth. He's throwin' his hands in the air like he like ... like it was their fault. Uh, hold on, hold on... He's goin' over to their window... She's rollin' down the window... Oh man! I think she sprayed him with pe.. pepper spray, man! He's on his ha... he's on his face ... and he's on his knee's. She's gettin' out... She's beatin' him with an umbrella... ha ha ha! The other woman is gettin' out too! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This one woman with a little black purse, she's tomahawkin' him, man! She looks... She looks like a Sunbelt 20... 20 horsepower jack hammer - BADAM, BADAM, BADAM! We got another woman that's, that's... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! She's hittin' him with ...like she's got a cattle prod, man! She's got a ... she's got an umbrella, she's stickin' it in his side! Oh! There's another one, it's a little woman - looks like Mother Goose...HAHAHA!! She's got...Ahh, she beaned him! She beaned him; She's got this huge big bag! It's huge, it's about the size of her; she's about four foot nothin'. She hit him over the head; everything went all over the place, her bible fell. GOD, SHE JUST HIT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH THE BIBLE!!! AH-HAHAHAHAaaaHAHA!!! She picked this bible up and lifted it way over her head...It wa...It was a hard-backed NVI version. AH-HAH-HAH-HAH...Aahh, they're still beatin' the crap out of this guy! Ahh! She picked this bible up...and raised it above her head and just beaned the guy. This guy's not gettin' up. Aah, they're still, oh god they're still hittin' him. The one with the black little purse is still -- all beatin' him. HAHAHAHAHA! Okay, he's up on the ca...AH-HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! The, the little old woman just beaned him again with that big bag. he, he, He's runnin' to his car! He's outta here! HAHAHAHAHA!! Aaaoh! Um, the little bitty Mother Goose woman...She's...She's...talkin' to him as he's drivin' off! Ah-HAHAHAaaaa-AHAHAHA!! AHH, I wish you woulda been here, man! Oh! Oh, this is too good! HAHAHAHA! Oh! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! I...I gotta...I gotta go. HAHA!
The 6 Truths of Life
1. You can't lick all your teeth with your tongue
2.You just tried to do the above
3.The first one is a lie
4.You're smiling right now because you're realizing you're an idiot
5.You are going to post this on your page for some other sucker to read it
6.You're smiling like an idiot right now
If you are often threatened that a wrench will be thrown at your head by a robot medic (Ratchet!) if you don't do your homework, paste this onto your profile.
If you are often used as a moving target by a trigger-happy, cannon-toting mech, (Ironhide!), paste this onto your profile.
If you are guilty of doing a British accent, copy this onto your profile.
If someone asks you "What's wrong with your mind?" and you say, "Where to begin?" copy this into your profile.
If you believe in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, copy and paste this into your profile.
"In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day.
"Can you surf really well, then?"
Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
"Nobody fucks with America. Nobody. Let freedom ring motherfuckers."-America :God Save America!
"If you see my dad on the highway to hell, kick his ass for me."-Luke Castellan.
"See, lady, that's what happens to snow in Texas. It-freaking-melts." -Leo Valdez.
Luke Castellan- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!" Percy Jackson - "Ah ha! But the good side has cake!!!"
"Life is full of what I like to call 'Homer Simpson moments.' It just depends on what you plan to -- D'OH!!! -- about them."
"On the Sixth Day, God created Man. Looking at what He had created, He thought, 'Hey, you know what? I can do better.' "
"I am convinced that not only is Mother Nature a schizophrenic, she's also psychotic."
"Does anybody have the number for Mother Nature's shrink?"
"The rich get richer and the poor get poorer; where's Robin Hood when you need him?"
"Life is too short to complain, so enjoy it while you can!"
"If I don't put a smile on at least one person's face, I haven't had a good day."
"If chocolate is the food of the gods, then caffeine -- in all its myriad forms -- must surely be their drink."
"We're all crazy ... some of us more than others ..."
"The Circle of Life: Horse eats grass. Horse poops. Grass grows."
Favorite Movie Quotes (and quotes from other sources ;) ):
"You see ... madness is like gravity ... all it takes is just one little push." -- The Joker in "The Dark Knight"
"Do I look like a guy with a plan? I'm just a dog chasing cars ... I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it!" -- The Joker in "The Dark Knight"
"Fell deeds awake ... now for wrath, now for ruin, and a red dawn! FORTH EORLINGAS!" -- King Théoden in "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers"
"Arise! Arise, riders of Théoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered -- a sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride to ruin, and the world's ending!" -- King Théoden in "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King"
"Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me! A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. A day of wolves and shattered shields when the Hour of Men comes crashing down, but IT IS NOT THIS DAY! THIS DAY WE FIGHT! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you STAND, MEN OF THE WEST!" -- Aragorn in "The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King"
"What do you mean, I'm funny?" -- Tommy in "Goodfellas"
"If you beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. If you beat him with a bat, he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you'd better kill him, because he'll keep coming back and back until one of you is dead." -- Sam "Ace" Rothstein in "Casino"
"Stupid ball, that's your home! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME!" -- Happy Gilmore
"I find your lack of faith ... disturbing ..." -- Darth Vader in "Star Wars"
"I see your Schwartz is just as big as mine ... now let's see if you know how to handle it!" -- Dark Helmet in "Spaceballs"
"You went over my helmet?" -- Dark Helmet in "Spaceballs"
"Knight jumps Queen! Everybody jumps Queen! It's good to be the king ..." -- King Louis XVI in "History of the World: Part I"
"One day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Until that day, accept this on the day of my daughter's wedding ... as a gift." -- Don Vito Corleone in "The Godfather"
"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." -- Don Vito Corleone in "The Godfather"
"I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart! You broke my heart!" -- Michael Corleone in "The Godfather Part II"
"Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! And by the way, Mama, alligators are ornery 'cause of their medulla oblongata! And I like Vicki, and she likes me back! And she showed me her BOOBIES and I liked them too!" -- Bobby Boucher in "The Waterboy"
"What's wrong with death, sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor? Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference." -- Patch Adams
"Careful, boys, that aeronaut equipment is volatile ... I wanna die in a rocking chair, not a hydrogen fire." --Lee Scoresby in "The Golden Compass"
"FREEDOM!!!!" -- William Wallace in "Braveheart"
"-What? Are you scared of a little lightning? -I'm not overly fond of what follows." -- Captain America and Loki in "The Avengers"
"Hulk: smash!" -- Captain America in "The Avengers"
"Puny god." -- Hulk in "The Avengers"
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams
"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." -- Gandalf in "Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring"
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Re-post this if you think homophobia is wrong.
See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself. You know that girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting on make-up hoping people will like her. That boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. See that young boy you just made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor. That guy you just made fun of for crying? His mother is dying.
Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet many of you won't, Your life is probably not as harsh as theirs plus you're probably a douche bag.
Hush, little sister
I can see your arms
I know you scream
I can see the way
I know that people
Hey, little sister
You see, little sister
He screamed at me
You know, little sister
But hush, little sister
I'm sorry little sister
Uh oh little sister
Hush little sister
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, StephanieZorander, Sasukez, SilverWolfStar, Luna1025, DanaBlood, LordVoldyThing394, Nessa2685
PECANS IN A CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord."
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The olf man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get the nuts by the fence and we'll be done."
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
PLeAsE pUt ThiS iN yOu'Re PrOfiLe:
Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
Was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talks to it
When no one is around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
Unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking
"God why? Why is My life always sinking?"
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest
"You deserve to die You worthless pest"
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in everything was as quite as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms
If child abuse makes you sick and you think it's horrible prove it. Re-post this for proof.
This story is so sad. If it doesn't touch your heart at least a little, you must be made of stone.
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
You know your a book-aholic when...
You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.
Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.
You write fanfictions about the book.
You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else in the entire world) to read it.
Everything reminds you of the book.
You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.
You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favourite character can do to escape the class.
You've read a book more than five times.
You've read a book with 400 pages in less than two days.
You've planned and prepared a seige on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.
You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional.
You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.
You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character.
Your idol is a character from a book.
Bad Pick-up Lines & Good Come-backs
Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
Randome stupid stuff!!
Silence is golden, Ducktape is silver.
When it rains on my parade, I bust out my slip n’ slide.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
In a world full of cheerios, be a fruit loop.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
I’m not saying you’re stupid I’m just implying it.
I’m bored…run for your sanity.
Never do anything you don’t want to explain to the cops or paramedics.
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.
When life hands you lemons, throw something harder back.
That which does not kill me…should run. FAST.
Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run. He HATES that.
I hear voices in my head. But that’s alright. Most of them are pretty nice.
The world is full of crazy people. They made me their leader.
It’s you and me against the world. We attack at dawn.
Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach ‘em how to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks!
Some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill them.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Never argue with an idiot. They’ll just drag you down and beat you with experience.
10% sugar, 10% spice, 80% bitch so you better be nice.
Those stupid kids should just give that loopy rabbit some Trix already!
Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
Some see the glass half empty, some see it half full. Me? I just want to know who’s been drinking my soda!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup!
You think I’m a loser. But I’m the most awesome loser you’ve ever met!
If you have an open mind why don’t your brains fall out?
Of course I’m out of mind! It’s dark and scary in there!
If I’m out of my right mind, my left one is gonna be pretty crowded.
If aliens are looking for INTELLIGENT life why are you worried?
I’m an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
If at first you don’t succeed- skydiving isn’t for you.
Whoever said nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when something goes wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Normal people scare me….but not as much as I scare them.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
If two wrongs do not make a right, try three.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it is usually an oncoming train.
Just when I think you’ve said the stupidest thing ever you keep talking.
Why be difficult when with a little effort you can be impossible?
Everyone has a wild side; I just prefer to make mine public.
Pssh. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.
I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you’re up to.
Always take the time to smell the roses but remember sooner or later you’re gonna inhale a bee.
I believe no problem is so large or difficult that it can’t be blamed on someone else.
I never repeat myself, so pay close attention the first time, because I never repeat myself.
I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
When all else fails bring out the duct tape.
Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon!
I’m not so good with advice. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I don’t lie. I create fiction with my mouth.
We’re best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge….I’ll pick out the funereal arrangements.
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don’t let it find me.
There’s nothing better than a good friend except a good friend with chocolate!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
I am who I am. I do not seek your approval.
Between two evils, I always try to pick the one I’ve never tried.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure I’ve lost my mind. But crazy people don’t know they’re crazy so I guess I’m okay. But thinking I’m okay because I think I’m crazy is saying I don’t think I’m crazy so I may be crazy.
Who cares about hugs? I’m going to tackle you when I see you!
Life is like a corndog. I just haven’t figured out why yet.
When life hands you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how.
When life gives you lemons, squirt it in life’s eye and see how much life likes lemons then.
Don’t walk in my footsteps. I tend to walk into walls or off the occasional cliff.
Some people are like lava lamps. Fun to look at but not very bright.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
When life hands you Edward Cullen throw him back and yell...
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Life is nothing without friendship- Marcus Cicero
To succeed in life, you need three things: A wishbone, a backbone, and a funnybone- Reba McEntire
Last Night, I lay in bed looking at the stars and thought, Where the heck is the ceiling
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the world together
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
He who laughs last didn't get it
I’m that girl.
The girl who hates dances and sport games. When I do go, I end up in the corner with a book.
The girl who makes your girlfriend jealous even though I am only your friend.
The girl who has never been asked out even though everyone else around me has had dozens of boy/girlfriends.
The girl that would freak out about meeting a famous author while everybody else freaked out about the newest celebrity.
The girl who dreams about her book getting published or graduating college with honors while everyone else is dreaming about their wedding day.
The girl who doesn’t care that she has acne from getting stressed too much or does not need a guy to complete her.
The girl that people look through when I say something.
The girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.
The girl that people call weird either behind my back or to my face.
The girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone.
The girl who has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Greek Mythology, who can express herself better with words than without words, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and Paste this onto your account if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Dang … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
REAL FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: will copy and paste this
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you.
A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall.
A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince.
A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.
A good friend will offer you a soda.
A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain.
A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"
A good friend will help you move.
A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry.
A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number.
A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend knows a few things about you.
A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel.
A best friend just sits down and cries.
PERCY JACKSON QUOTES
"With great power, comes the great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." -Nico Di Angelo, THE LAST OLYMPIAN
"God alert! It's the wine dude!" -Blackjack (Percy's pegasus), THE TITANS CURSE
"Let us find the dam snack bar." Zoe said
"The dam snack bar?"
"Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing." Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fires."
"And I need to use the dam restroom."
"I do not understand"
"I want to use the dam water fountain."
"And. . .I want to buy a dam T-shirt." -Thalia, Zoe, Grover, Percy, THE TITANS CURSE
"Go chase a doughnut." -Percy, THE SEA OF MONSTERS
Deadlines just aren't real to me unless I'm staring one in the face. -Percy, THE LIGHTNING THEIF
I'll have a cheeseburger and-AHHH! My friend's on fire! Get me a bucket! -Jason, THE LOST HERO
Even before he got electrocuted, Jason was having a rotten day. -THE LOST HERO
"See, that's what happens to snow in Texas, lady. It-freaking-melts."--Leo, THE LOST HERO
You know how teachers always tell you the magic word is please? That's not true. The magic word is puke. It will get you out of class faster than anything else. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES
"Well. . .See you."
"Hold up! you can't just run off."
"Sure I can." -Clarisse and Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES
That's one good thing about sea serpents: They're big babies when it comes to getting hurt. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES
It's great when you're a celebrity to squids. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES
"It's all right. We just had a family spat."
"Family spat? You turned me into a dandelion!" -Persephone and Nico, THE DEMIGOD FILES
Now Thalia and Nico would have to haul my useless butt through the rest of the mission. -Percy, THE DEMIGOD FILES _"
''Maybe if we push her over." - Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth
"Your a half-blood too?' "Shh! Just announce it to the world how about?" "Okay. Hey, everybody! These to arent human! They're half Greek god!" - Rachel and Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth
"Look, I'm really sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you out or anything." "Nah. They asked me alot of questions about you. I played dumb." "Was it hard?"- Percy, Annabeth, Rachel, The Battle of the Labyrinth
"No, no. Rainbows. Very macho." - Leo , The Lost Hero
"Rainbows, ponies." "I'm gonna toss you off this chariot."- Leo and Butch, The Lost Hero
"Annabeth! I said you could borrow the chariot, not destroy it." - Will, The Lost Hero
"Vulcan? I dont even LIKE Star Trek." Leo, The Lost Hero
"Aphrodite took my snowboarding jacket. Mugged by my own mom." - Piper, The Lost Hero
"The fall? That was nothing! I fell twice as far from the St. Louis Arch." - Percy, The Son of Neptune
"Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"
"You are okay?" he asked. "Not eaten by monsters?" "Not even a little bit." I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily. "Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!" I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer."
"Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck."
"I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. "You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."
"Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades."
"Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, ‘festus’ means ‘happy’? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"
"If you see my dad on the highway to hell, kick his ass for me."-Luke Castellan.
“And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time.”
“The Council agrees," Zeus said. "Percy Jackson, you will have one gift from the gods." I hesitated. "Any gift?" Zeus nodded grimly. "I know what you will ask. The greatest gift of all. Yes, if you want it, it shall be yours. The gods have not bestowed this gift on a mortal hero in many centuries, but, Perseus Jackson-if you wish it-you shall be made a god. Immortal. Undying. You shall serve as your father's lieutenant for all time." I stared at him, stunned. "Um...a god?" Zeus rolled his eyes. "A dimwitted god, apparently. But yes. With the consensus of the entire Council, I can make you immortal. Then I will have to put up with you forever." "Hmm," Ares mused. "That means I can smash him to a pulp as often as I want, and he'll just keep coming back for more. I like this idea.”
“Different elevator music was playing since my last visit-that old disco song "Stayin' Alive." A terrifying image flashed through my mind of Apollo in bell-bottom pants and a slinky silk shirt.”
Harry Potter Quotes!
We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the one, And Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!
Malfoy: Ahh, come to watch the show? Hermione: YOU FOUL, LOATHSOME, EVIL LITTLE COCKROACH! (Hermione raises wand at Malfoy) Ron: Hermione, no. He's not worth it. (Hermione lowers wand) Ron: (Malfoy laughs and then Hermione socks him in the nose) (Malfoy and friends run away) Hermione: That felt good. Ron: Not good, Brilliant
“Enjoying it?” said Ron darkly. “I don’t reckon he’d come home if Dad didn’t make him. He’s obsessed. Just don’t get him on the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch…as I was saying to Mr. Crouch… Mr. Crouch is of the opinion… Mr. Crouch was telling me… They’ll be announcing their engagement any day now.”
Ron pulled out his Omnioculars and started testing them, staring down on the other side of the stadium.“Wild!” he said, twiddling the replay knob on the side. “I can make that old bloke pick his nose again…and again…and again…”
[Ron] was holding up something that looked to Harry like a long, maroon velvet dress. It had a moldy looking lace frill at the collar and matching lace cuffs.There was a knock on the door, and Mrs. Weasley entered, carrying an armful of freshly laundered Hogwarts robes…“Mum, you’ve given me Ginny’s new dress,” said Ron, handing it out to her.“Of course I Haven’t,” said Mrs. Weasley. “That’s for you. Dress robes.”“What?” said Ron looking horror-struck.“Dress robed!” repeated Mrs. Weasley. “It says on your school list that you’re supposed to have dress robes this year…”“I’ll go starkers before I put that on,” said Ron stubbornly…“Fine,” snapped Mrs. Weasley. “Go naked. And, Harry, make sure you get a picture of him. Goodness knows I could do with a good laugh.”
“Well, I can certainly see why we’re trying to keep them alive,” said Malfoy sarcastically. “Who wouldn’t want pets that can burn, sting, and bite all at once?”
"Oh Professor look! I think I found an unaspected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?""It is Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney peering down a the chart."Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron.
“Don’t talk to me,” Ron said quietly to Harry ad Hermione as they sat down at the Gryffindor table a few minutes later, surrounded on all sides by excited talk on all sides about what had just happened.“Why not?” said Hermione in surprise."Because, I want to fix that in my memory forever," said Ron, his closed and an uplifted expression on his face. "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."
But Ron was staring at Hermione as though suddenly seeing her in a whole new light."Hermione, Neville's right -- you are a girl...""Oh well spotted," she said acidly.
Dudley: They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall. Want to come upstairs and practice? Harry: No, thanks. The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it -- it might be sick.
Fred: He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo
When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.
When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.
When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.
When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night.
When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.
When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.
When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out.
When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.
When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the drom so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends.
When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.
When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children.
Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you.
If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you?
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you'reGREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.
COPY AND PAST!!!
Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God.
f yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe then putt thes in yoor profiel.
If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!)
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. (It was the last day of school and i was on my way out the door when i ran into it and broke my toe )
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking' Trix, copy this into your profile
If you think the Coa-coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freaking' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you know that getting good grades has nothing to do with being smart, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. (i misspelled the)
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy this into your profile.
MORE RANDOM STUFF!!!
silence is golden but duct tape is silver
you don't own the cat the cat owns you,
Cats have staff
Dogs have family
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not
Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...i wonder...
copy and paste this onto your profile if you will check your email everyday for a week then for the next six months your friends worry because you haven't responded there sixty emails
Copy and paste this onto your profile if your little sister has a face book but you don't
copy and paste this onto your profile if you have been forced to watch Tangled 50 times (My little sis is obssesed)
copy and paste this on to your profile if you are obssesed with TKC/PJO/HoO and Know what that means
copy and Paste this onto your profile if you have imaginary friends from all your favorite books
copy and Paste this on to your profile if you live in your own world and your family worrys about you because you talk to the people who live in your world.
You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…
You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor.
There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”
Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.
When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.
You burn food to see if it smells good.
You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”
You’re in a running/swimming race and you’re praying and sacrificing to Hermes/Poseidon.
You think that your favorite singer is a child of Apollo.
Someone close to you dies and you give them money (LOTS of it) just in case…
Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family.
You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…
You’re on a boat and you pray that Poseidon is in a good mood.
You’re in the air (hang-gliding, cliff-diving, bungee jumping, flying, in a plane, etc.) and you hope Zeus is in a good mood and won’t blast you out of the air.
You go to Aunty Em’s and say you’re camera shy.
You find your true love and thank Aphrodite for sending him/her to you.
You think George Bush is a son of Ares (he’s dumb and violent you know!).
You know Muse is the best singers. Get it, the Nine Muses??
Bring a blue plastic hairbrush with you everywhere.
When it gets really cold randomly, blame Kronos.
You get a Greek mythology calendar for Christmas.
You get really mad at Hades when a family member dies. (I'd be happy)
You sometimes try to control water.
You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months.
You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.
Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent.
You yell "Annabeth!" everytime you see a NY Yankees hat.
You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games.
Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt.
You are a PJO character for Halloween.
Recite lines randomly from the books.
When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.
Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related.
You are going to the Camp Half-Blood in Texas.
You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol.
You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.
You have dreams about PJO characters/events
You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.
That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.
Everytime you play dodgeball, you bring a suit of armor.
You go to San Fransisco looking for the Old Sea Man.
You find yourself praying to Poseidon for rain.
Whenever your internet slows down, you yell at the sky and say "HERMES! WHY DO YOU LOVE ANNOYING ME?!"
You stuff your (ahem) Harry Potter books in the back of your closet so you have some more places for your PJ&O stuff.
When someone gets married, you say: "I hope you shall not anger Hera"
In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"
You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?"
When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!"
When someone dies, you pray to Hades to allow them to go across Styx for free, because they don't have drachmas anymore.
You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.
You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders incase of emergencies
You pray to Athena when you don’t study for a math test.
And when you flunk said test, you blame her irritation on Percabeth.
When you steal your friend's pen you believe it's justified because your dad is the god of thieves, and you thought it was Riptide and had to check to make sure Percy was still alive.
You write PJO fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer.
When your mom grounds you from the computer, you blame it on a combination of Nemesis, Hera and Hermes' little joke.
You want Hephaestus to fix your iPod when it breaks.
You give all your siblings god parents (Poseidon, Zeus, Hades.)
You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians.
You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win.
You spend time doing pointless research, just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site.
You still think Thuke could happen.(Nooooo!)
You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed.
You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.
You think Percy's extended family needs extensive therapy.
You have a countdown to the Demigod Files because of the mention of Percabeth.
You want Kronos buried under Witchita, Kansas in a safe deposit toothpick box. No one will ever look there, and hopefully he'll be too tiny to bother the locals.
Your mother thinks you need to get a boyfriend, as does your father to cure your obsession.
You blame your little brother's desire to turn off your Internet in the middle of this review on Hermes' anger that you've joked about all of them.
You imagine random unwritten PJO moments during class and laugh. When one brave soul unaware of your obsession broaches the question of why you were laughing, you try to explain.
They think you are nuts because you are laughing at Hades' wild card of Nico.
You think of creative names for Percy besides Seaweed Brain, such as kelphead16 because his head is full of kelp and there's an 85 chance he'll die at the age of sixteen.
You wonder if you'll be able to drive a car come your 16, provided Percy saves the world, because of that.
You know you're obsessed when you lose something, and say, "Come on Hermes! Give it back!!
You think all the popular girls at your school are children of Aphrodite. And say to all the braniacs at your school if Athena is okay. (Don’t hurt me Athena).
You go on YouTube and look at PJO themes for characters
You read page 287 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head (Nico will Rule The World!)
Your internet homepage is Rick Riordan's blog.
You and your other PJO obsessed friend cracks up if any one mentions the word Canada or Canadians.
You and your PJO obsessed friend start a fan club with only you two in it.
You get other people obsessed.
You have constant vivid dreams about the fifth book.
You spend most of your time thinking what will happen in the fifth book.
You jump up and down at the idea of LT becoming a movie.(Horrible! Wrong plot, wrong characters, name something that wasn't wrong!)
You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, PJO and use it in conversations.
Your favorite quote of all time comes from PJO.
You and your friend has "diss-wars" using PJO CHARACTERS
When someone dies, you give them a sack of red rubber balls for Cerberus.
Every time you see a guy in a wheelchair you think "Chiron!!”
You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"
When your boyfriend dumps you, you take the oath of the hunters (not that I have any experience.)
When you burn yourself, you curse Hephaestus/Hestia.
You put an offering to Demeter next to your garden.
You go up to a teacher in a wheelchair and say, "I know who you really are, Chiron…"
You say "Maia!" when you are wearing shoes.
You checked to make sure your principal doesn’t have a tail.
You know which pages the good parts are on.
You suddenly hate thunderstorms.
You start hearing Percabeth in every song you hear.
You started calling your dog Mrs. O’Leary.
You start figuring out who your godly parent is. (HADES!!!!)
You never looked at a ballpoint pen the same way again.
You ask the cashier at the store if they stock Mythomagic cards.
You start doing pro/con lists in your head. During Math. When you’re supposed to be taking notes.
Each day you check every fan site you know of for new information.
You try to figure out how much food dye you need to turn chocolate chip cookies blue.(Four drops for every three cookies)
You make references to it in school reports and/or to friends that haven’t read it.
The first thing you ask someone when you meet them is, “Have you read PJO?”
You yell “Mizzenmast!” whenever you enter a boat.
You curse a god/goddess a lot. (I say, "Oh my Gods" and "What in Hades name are you doing?" and "What in Hades name am I doing" a lot)
You have one (Or more) pictures relating to PJO in your room
You know PJO better then most sane people
You have links to every great PJO site
You add things to the list every day
You know what you would do if you were Percy
You argue with your friends about if Nico should turn evil or not (No Way!)
At least half of your friends have read all the PJO, or are going to in the very near future.
You wish you could find a rainbow to see if Iris messages work (although i dont have a golden drachama)
You give friends and youself a godly parent,
You are trying to learn Greek.
You keep thinking about one of the PJO books when you go on a trip.(Are you kidding, I bring them all with me!)
You think of percy every time you see a dark haried green-eyed boy.
Most of your fics are PJO related, even if it is a cross over
You have taken every test you can find about what demigodly parent you would/do/should have, and your trying to get your friends to. (I got Hades then Hermes)
You just have to research more about greek mythology.(Alredy Have!)
You want to learn Latin.
You make sure all of your friends (Or most of them), have an idea about what you say when talking about PJO
Your friends (At least one), think you are obbsessed with PJO, and you agree.
You have one or more things related to PJO on your school stuff, and if someone asks you why, you tell them.
You have something on your school things (Or home things), that says 'Daughter (Or son if you're a guy) of God/goddess', and you don't even try to hide it, even if it says daughter of Name of unliked god/goddess
You’re nodding and smiling when you read this.
You own every single book.
You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list.
You call yourself a demigod.
You wish with every fibre of your being that the first page of The Lightning Thief told the truth, and the PJO series is real.
You find yourself praying to a random god when you didn't study for a math test because you were too busy reading PJO.
You've called someone you know a satyr
P erseus Jackson. Savior of Olympus.
E lectricity. That's what will shock you if you mess with Thalia Grace.
R iptide. Percy's lethal ballpoint pen.
C larisse. That's who will go after you if you beat her in a battle. (And you don't want an angry Clarisse. It's bad enough when she's not angry.)
Y ellow duffle bags. Helped Percy, Tyson, and Annabeth.
J ason Grace. Thalia's "lost" little brother.
A nnabeth Chase. Percy's girlfriend and official architect of Olympus.
C hiron. Trainer of heroes.
K aleidoscope. What Piper's eyes look like to Jason.
S on of Neptune. The book we can't wait for.
O lympus. Home of the gods.
N emesis. Ethan's mother. Don't worry, she's getting her revenge on his death.
A pollo. The god of music, prophecy, sanity, truth, poetry, reason, healing, disease, archery, and the sun. BEST. GOD. EVER. (Don't smite me Zeus!!)
N ever back down. The phrase that reminds me of TLO and Justin Bieber
D ionysus. The god of wine. (More like the god of Diet Coke.)
T halia Grace. Hunter of Artemis and daughter of Zeus.
H ephaestus. The father of our favorite fire boy. ;)
E mpathy link. What Grover and Percy have. Saved Grover's life a couple of times.
O fficers. The immortal skeletons dressed up as officers.
L upa. The she-wolf we all want to know about.
M orpheus. The gods of dreams. Put NYC asleep during TLO.
P ersephone. The kidnapped wife of Hades. Believes every hero is brave and wants to give them a chance.
I lliterates. Many kids believe some of the demigods are illiterates.
A rtemis. Goddess of the Hunt. Has hunters, including Thalia.
N othing lasts forever. Even the gods. (Pan, R.I.P)
S aved olympus. Thats what Percy did.
Favorite Quotes (From Percy Jackson and the Olympians Movie. You have to see it to get it) :
"This is a pen." -Percy when Chiron hands him Riptide
"Is it me, or is it raining cows?" -Grover after the Minotar throws a cow at their car
"Why are you taking your pants off?" -Percy
"Ha! She would squash you like a bug." -Grover on Annabeth
"That's a sword, that's a sword!" -Luke
"Oh, you guys take camp way to seriously..." -Percy
"I always lose...maybe we're both wrong." -Percy
"You're being followed!" -Grover
"Junior protector." "Was that really necessary?" -Percy and Grover
"Needless to say, she hates it there...It's hot, he's a weirdo..." -Luke
"Aww! Guys! I can't pee with her watching me!" -Grover
"Those are working class Americans!" -Grover
"(Kisses Medusa's head) Eww...That's nasty..." -Grover
"OK guys, always put the eights and never the tens..." -Grover
"Um, on a cocktail waitress or a showgirl...we should start there!" -Grover
"We're heading to the chapel! We're getting married! Wait, which one did I propose to?" -Grover
"That's how you get out of a casiono! That it how your drive!" -Grover
"OK, we won't DIE and come back..." -Grover
"Great, they smell goat..." -Grover
"NO! Stick to the Mick Jagger thing...it works for you!" -Grover
Ok... this is weird... but how the HADES DO SATYRS GO PEE? I mean they should at least wear pants to cover thier manhood cuz they're all dudes... and stuff...
ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is retard cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now read the THIRD word of every line
Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!
There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
History lesson: Dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came along and they all commited suicide.
I ran with scissors - and lived!
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from..
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
I see regular people! Run for your lives!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
You say physco like it's a bad thing...
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
THIS IS A LINE*
when life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at stupid people
Silence is golden, but ductape is silver
Whoever said nothing was impossible never made an attempt to slam a revolving door.
I have an hourglass figure, the sands just keep shifting.
I Love Mondays! Hey, the medication’s working!
I didn't LOSE my marbles, exactly...I just sold 'em. On EBay!
Don't worry. It's plastic, like Paris Hilton!
I let my mind wander, but it never came back.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be out on its own.
When you're young and fall of a horse, you get some broken bones. When you're old and fall off a horse, you go splat.
Dude... I was thinking... alot... one time... I... I had an Epiphany... Today... Is... Tomorrow's... Yesterday...
It's retarded. It's ridiculous. It's re-dic-u-tarded!
Sanity is a state of mind. It's near North Dakota.
Being normal is for freaks.
They have sent us to this dungeon, more commonly known as school.
I just need a toxic substance... L.A. tap water will do just fine.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then let everyone else wonder how you did it.
You don't get a belly ring when your big! You get onion rings!
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
There ain't enough ketchup in the WORLD to make me eat THAT
He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.
All things are poisonous, yet there is nothing that is poisonous. It's only the dose that makes a thing poisonous.
What girls don't seem to know: If a guy acts like he hates you, chances are he likes you. What guys don't seem to know: If a girl acts like she hates you, chances are she hates you.
Tacos are great, because you can eat them and whatever drops is a taco salad.
What is a fork and a spoon? Why, that would be a FOON, my friend!!
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
Labels are for cans. And in case you haven't noticed--Im not a can.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
people say barbie isn't a slut... but then why do you have to buy her boyfriends?
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Pssh. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.
Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon!
The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and don’t let it find me.
There’s nothing better than a good friend except a good friend with chocolate!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple." --Dr. Seuss
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." — Albert Einstein
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." — Oscar Wilde
Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.
I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's hysterical.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed. Satisfaction brought it back.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different which is the same as unique, so weird is good.
Fangirls are like whiny puppies. They're annoying as all hell, but everyone pities them too much to kill them. Oh, they are also very loud.
It's not paranoia if you know they are out to get you.
The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like hell (Riptide is just the same)
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!?
You can’t spell slaughter without laughter
Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.
In theory, everything works.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high level explosives.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. (Should've read this sooner then...)
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
I said I had my reasons. I never said you would understand.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. (BOOYAH BITCHES)
I respect your opinion; I just think it's stupid.
Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you're up to.
If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them.
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits. (ROFL)
If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them. (SO FREAKING TRUE!)
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them. ( Poor ignorant bastards)
No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous
Never apologize. Always deny.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for my kick boxing.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory
It just seems that the impossible becomes possible around me more often than not. Most of the time it includes me doing it. (YEP I can touch my head with my foot can you?)
Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. It never ends.
Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, then to HELL with you, here's to ME!
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. (Heh. You know, this actually happened to me once.)
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now
The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. (The Douchebag!)
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. (So true...)
Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
I hear voices and they don't like you
Smile -- it confuses the enemy
I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree. (Lets see you Scientists do that!)
When life gives you lemons...
Genetically alter them into SUPER_LEMONS and conquer the world.
make raspberry juice and laugh at the world while they try to figure out how the fuck you did it.
Make a super biofuel and end global warming.
plant them and help stop global warming in your own way.
Turn them into offerings for Ninja who will solve all your problems with the silence of feather and the steel of fallen samurai.
Give em to your best friend after painting em orange and tellling em it's a new kind of super sweet orange. (fell for this a couple times)
make lemonade and find someone life's given vodka to and have a party.
wait a bit and make sure no ones looking before chucking 'em into life's house.
Cut 'em in half and squeeze 'em in someones eyes before running away like a total douche.
burn 'em and hope God loves lemons.
Genetically alter them into douchebag-seeking mini-nukes to finally rid our world of guys with bigger chests than their girlfriends.
you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.
don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give you lemons! Do you know who I am?! I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down! And i'll burn it! With The Lemons!
Ask Life "...where's the sugar and water?"
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbour’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone 20 and never see him again; it was probably worth it.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!
Wisdom comes from good judgment and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Well, im a pacifist, but when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you... except you joey
Joey ate my last stick of gum. So I killed him... do you think that was wrong?
If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.
What's the point of having a giant paper clip if you won't use it for world domination?
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths
yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
cute but psycho. things even out
save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.
your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend
tell the truth and run
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
ever noticed that 'mother in law' rearanged, spelles 'woman hitler'?
i live in my own little world. but it's ok, they know me there
between two evils, i always pick the one I've never tried
shit happens. but mostly to me, so dont worry
shut up voices! or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
whoever said nothings impossible, never tried skydiving without a parachute. or maybe they did. I mean we never really met whoever said it, did we?
i talk to myself because my answers are the only ones i accept!
why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sence of superiority- sarcasm: the ultimate anti-drug
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
life is all about ass. everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that
No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have
Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.(i speak from eperience)
Isnt it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a mini with a tshirt that barely cover anything?
Isnt it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful?
ISN'T IT FUNNY that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone? are you laughing?
Isnt it funny a emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity?
I'm not laughing.
ITS SO FUNNY that you and your friends can make a girls life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting.
ISN'T IT FUNNY that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart.
NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
PJO FANS: will tell Zeus to make it rain
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
PJO FANS: say OH MY GODS!
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
PJO FANS: won't go to one because they will take away your awesome demigod powers
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or I'll tell on you!
PJO FANS: say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid
PJO FANS: know that normal people are stupid
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
PJO FANS: when being chased use their awesome demigod powers/skills
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
PJO FANS: yell at Zeus to calm down (politely)
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
PJO FANS: would try and find Camp Half Blood
NORMAL PEOPLE:don't have this on their profile
PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!
Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google
Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7
Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear Impossible, Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater. Sincerely, Spongebob
Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada
Come join the dark side, we have cookies! Come join the light side, we have ice cream! WAIT! Does this mean...that the middle...has...ice cream cookies?!?!
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it’s gone.
I'm the kind of girl who would fall flat on my face, get up, laugh my head off, and say " That was fun!
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.”
Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.
Did you know Sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.
This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.
Definition of Your Mom: How to answer a question when you’re bored
Definition of homework: Some form of crude mind control still used in some primitive areas.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.
I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?
I’ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
When life gives you lemons, chuck them at people you hate.
It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
The world is full of crazy people. THEY MADE ME THEIR LEADER.
So what if we act like immature idiots? We’re having fun.
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Life sucks and then you die.
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do people say, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade
Don’t mess with me I’ve got a stick.
Luke Castellan- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!" Percy Jackson - "Ah ha! But the good side has cake!!!"
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
I was never normal, and now I've contaminated my friends!!!
Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I’m the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don’t obsess! I think intensely.
Of course I’m talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
All the good ones are gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Stupid shiny Volvo owner.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else
Real girls aren’t perfect, perfect girls aren’t real.
I’d rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I’m not.
What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.
A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.
I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.” Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”
He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.
If you know me, chances are you hate me.
Shut up voices or I’ll poke you with a fork
If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.
Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.
Set sail in a general that way direction.
It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?
I’m sick of following my dreams, I’m just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later.
Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in you face?
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go.
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it
Girl #1- I love Greek Mytholagy
Girl #2- I hate mytholagy
Girl #1- Do you like to learn?
Girl #2- Not really
Girl #1- Do you like school?
Girl #2- No.
Girl #1- Do you like to read?
Girl #2- Yes
Girl #1- Congrates your one step above moron, two steps above dumass and one step below idiot. But your a hundred miles from smart and a thousand light years from genius
Pay attention to Disney kid movies they all have that secret inappropriate moral that you never noticed at first.
Ariel: Wear seashell bras everywhere. and how the hades does the use the bathroom?! somebody tell me!
Princess and the Frog: Kiss frogs because they will obviously turn into handsome princes.
Cinderella: When in doubt, wait for Grandma to come and save the day.
Snow White: DONT EAT YOUR APPLES!!! THEY ARE POISINOUS!
Beauty and the Beast: Trust that a monster will not kill you.
And they all say: Fear old and ugly ladies with apples. Animals will NOT hurt you. They help with chores!
Mickey Mouse... does anyone else but me put together the fact that he is a kid killer? Just put the facts together. in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Road Rally, Toodles hides in the woods; woods are stocked with vicious people eating animals. Goofy is eventually sent to search for Toodles. When kids grow up and say "Oh Toodles!!!" and he doesn't come, it's off to the woods for them to get eaten!
And screensavers! Pfft please. listen to the name. Screen... saver. Screen SAVER!!! Saving screens. ok. Do me a favor, go to a touch screen comp and poke it when the screen saver turns on. What happens then?! The screen saver disappears cuz it's a little chicken butt. It is scared. So if i get mad and punch my comp when the screen saver turns on and the screen breaks I can say "OOPS!!! Thought my SCREENSAVER would SAVE my SCREEN from breaking!"
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. (PEANUT BUTTER ROCKS) (Tyson musn't have this)
Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens. (Chickens?)
Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you. (Hahahahahahahahahahahaha:) I love this one!)
Bibliophobia: Fear of books. (How can someone be afraid of BOOKS!!!!!!!!!)
Cathisophobia: Fear of sitting. (You must be tired)
Dextrophobia: Fear of objects at the right side of the body (Wha?!?!)
Dipsophobia: Fear of drinking. (Dehydration, here you come)
Euphobia: Fear of hearing good news.
Geliophobia: Fear of laughter.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. (This is my favorite one. it's Ironic)
Mnemophobia: Fear of memories (Hey, remember- Whoops!)
Pantophobia: Fear of everything.
“Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoë said. “We should eat while we can.”
Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”
Zoë blinked. “Yes. What is funny?”
“Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a strait face. “I could use some dam French fries.”
Even Thalia smiled at that. “And I need to use the dam restroom.”
“I do not understand.”
“I want to use the dam water fountain,” Grover said.
“And…” Thalia tried to catch her breath. “I need to buy a dam T-shirt.” -Zoë, Grover, and Thalia, The Titan’s Curse
Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well it’s deadly, right up there with cannonballs and grenades. –Percy, The Titan’s Curse
He fished out his acorns and threw them onto the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned.
“That’s us,” he said. “Those five nuts right there.”
“Which one is me?” I asked.
“The little deformed one,” Zoë suggested. -Grover, Percy, and Zoë, The Titan’s Curse
“Apollo?” I guessed, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
“I’m incognito. Call me Fred.”
“A god named Fred?” -Percy and Apollo, The Titan’s Curse
“Love conquers all,” Aphrodite promised. “Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?”
“Didn’t they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?”
"Pfft. That's not the point." -Aphrodite and Percy, The Titan’s Curse
“He looked… nervous. He told his monsters to spare me. He wanted to tell me something.”
“Probably, ‘Hi, Annabeth! Sit here with me and watch while I tear you friends apart. It’ll be fun!” -Annabeth and Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.”
“Was it hard?” -Rachel and Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth
We only came close to dying six or seven times, which I thought was pretty good. –Percy, The Sea of Monsters.
“Wow,” Thalia muttered. “Apollo is hot.”
“He’s the sun god,” I said.
“That’s not what I meant.” Thalia and Percy, The Titan’s Curse
It seemed weird calling a teenager ‘sir’ but I’d learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then they blew stuff up. –Percy, The Titan’s Curse
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed. –Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
I nodded, looking at Rachel with respect. “You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush.” –Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“It is a day when things…stir.”
The way he said it, stirring sounded absolutely sinister-like it should be a first-degree felony, not something you did to cookie dough.
“Okay,” Annabeth said, glaring at the centaur. “Thank you, Captain Sunshine.” -Chiron and Annabeth, The Lost Hero
“It’ll be dangerous,” Nyssa warned him. “Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering”
“Oh.” Suddenly Leo didn’t look so excited. Then he remembered everyone was watching. “I mean… Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let’s do this.” -Nyssa and Leo, The Lost Hero
Suddenly there was a collective gasp. Everyone stared at Piper like she’d just exploded. –Piper, The Lost Hero
“Since the first Great Prophecy predicted the Titan War, we can guess the second Great Prophecy will predict something at least that bad.”
“Or worse,” Chiron murmured.
Maybe he didn’t mean everyone to overhear, but they did. The campfire immediately turned a dark purple. -Rachel and Chiron, The Lost Hero.
“The Senate and the People of Rome. Though why you would burn that on you own arm, I don’t know. Unless you had a really harsh Latin teacher…” –Annabeth, The Lost Hero.
Even that horrible zit at the base of her nose, which she’d had for so many days she’d started to call it Bob, had disappeared. –Piper, The Lost Hero
“I can’t summon any more gas! Wow, that came out wrong. I mean the burning kind.” –Leo, The Lost Hero
Piper did better than that. She collapsed. –Thalia and Piper, The Lost Hero
They were standing on the Aphrodite cabin’s table, and Piper had one foot in Drew’s pizza. –Piper, The Lost Hero
Lacy was bouncing up and down like she was trying to achieve liftoff. –Piper, The Lost Hero
A few other kids started to grin, as if they were enjoying the different colors Drew’s face was turning. -Piper, The Lost Hero
We careened out of the Lincoln Tunnel and back into the rainstorm, people and monsters tossed around the bus. –Percy, The Lightning Thief
“You have offended the gods. You shall die.”
“I liked you better as a math teacher,” I told her. -Mrs. Dodds and Percy, The Lightning Thief
“Braccas meas vescimini!” I yelled.
I wasn’t sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant “Eat my pants!” –Percy, The Lightning Thief
Behind her came two more old ladies: one in a green hat, one in a purple hat. Otherwise they looked exactly like Mrs. Dodds. Triplet demon grandmothers. –Percy, the Lightning Thief
“Hey guys!” Grover yelled somewhere above us. “I think she’s unconscious!”
“Maybe not,” Grover corrected. -Grover and Medusa, The Lightning Thief
She’d also called me brave…unless she was talking to the catfish. –Percy, The Lightning Thief
“It only works on wild animals.”
“So it would only affect Percy,” Annabeth reasoned. -Grover and Annabeth, The Lightning Thief
Our English teacher, Dr. Boring (I’m not kidding; that’s his real name), adjusted his glasses and frowned. -Percy, The Demigod Files
Fortunately he’d shrunk back to normal size, so his hug was like getting hit by a tractor, not the entire farm. –Percy, The Last Olympian
"With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later." -Nico, The Last Olympian
In a way, it's nice to know that there are Greek gods out there, because you have somebody to blame when things go wrong. For instance, when you're walking away from a bus that's just been attacked by monster hags and blown up by lightning, and it's raining on top of everything else, most people might think that's just really bad luck; when you're a half-blood, you understand that some devine force is really trying to mess up your day. -Percy, The Lightning Thief
"Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!" I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer. — Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
“So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important." "It was probably important to her." -Annabeth and Percy, The Sea of Monsters
Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck. -Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear? - Hades and Percy, The Lightning Thief
"You're a half-blood, too?" "Shhh! Just announce it to the world, how about?" "Okay. Hey, everybody! These two aren't human! They're half Greek god!...They don't seem to care." -Rachel and Annabeth, The Battle of the Labyrinth
The cafe windows wrapped all the way around the observation floor, which gave us a beautiful panoramic view of the skeleton army that had come to kill us. -Percy, The Titan's Curse
"How did you die?" "We er...drowned in a bathtub." "All three of you?" "It was a big bathtub." -Ciron and Percy, The Lightning Theif
"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die." -Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
"So, you wrecked Alcatraz Island, made Mount St. Helens explode, and displaced half a million people, but at least you're safe." "Yep, that pretty much covers it." -Annabeth and Percy, The Battle of the Labyrinth
20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of INSANITY
1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Dont use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity. Check. And if you don't understand why I said check, don't stick this on your profile.
Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:
Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
Clap when the good guy gets killed.
During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"
Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.
GO to a movie you've already seen and Yell out what is going to happen.
Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.
Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.
Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)
Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.
Try to start a wave.
Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.
Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.
Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"
Sing with the theme music.
Bring and use your own air freshener.
At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."
Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.
Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.
Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.
When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"
Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"
Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.
Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.
Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"
Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.
Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.
Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"
Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"
Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"
Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.
Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.
Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.
Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end
MY LIFE MOTTOES
(1.)When life gives you lemons,make grape juice and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it!
(2.)When life gives you lemons,chuck them at people and see what they do for entertainment!
(3.)When life gives you lemons,sell them and buy whatever drink you want!
(4.)When life gives you lemons,use them to squirt lemon juice in the eyes of your enemies!
(5.)When nothing goes right . . . GO LEFT!
(6.)There is nothing to fear except fear itself . . . unless it's cowboys eating tacos!now THAT'S scary! They didn't have tacos in the old west!
(7.) (only works when someone what be quiet). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SHUT UP!!!!!
If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. (The irony...)
Don't point a finger at anyone, cause 3 more are pointing back at you. Try pointing your finger and 3 of your fingers are pointing back at you. Now you are laughing cause you tried this and look stupid for pointing your finger at a wall.
92 percent of American teenagers would die if American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile
If you love walking around in the pouring rain without an umbrella, copy this to your profile
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this into your profile (well, it's five letters and my own name, so)
If Justin Bieber was about to jump off a cliff, 97% of girls would be crying their eyes out and screaming "DONT DO IT!!!" But I would be a part of the other 3% that would be screaming and jumping on the couch with excitement with a bowl of popcorn at hand saying "JUMP JUMP JUMP!!!" Copy and paste this onto your profile if you are that 3%
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, LiveForInsanity, Billvy, Sheena Is A Punk Rocker, Bellawhitlock51, dragonsdeathangel, Razzledazzy, EvilGeniusBookWorm13, Lady Alice101, Lmb111514,3214sammy, unknown lunatic,Nessa2685
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, Liza Taylor, Spiritpelt, Swiftpaw of WindClan, rainstorm(mosspath gets really annoyed)mosspath(cos the reviews and etc come 2 MY email!), Emberheart0,Mudfur, Obzezzed, Dragonclaw11, lover-of-novels-aka-Kass247, Lmb111514,3214sammy, unknown lunatic,Nessa2685
I am the girl that doesn't often go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, my friends make me dance or I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Percy Jackson and Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, the.girl.who.sang, EmosWillRuleTheWorld, Siriuslover7, Lmb111514,3214sammy, unknown lunatic,Nessa2685,
find that one that is different8
If you are wondering what it would be like to have wings, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile!
People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever answered a question with a really obvious answer copy and paste this on your profile!
If you dream of going to camp Half-Blood, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have friends or people in your life that remind you of the characters in PJO, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you are one of the few middle/high school girls who haven't given in to makeup, copy/paste this on their page.
If shopping in the mall makes you ill and you think it's a waste of time, copy/paste this on your page.(unless it's for books of course)
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile
98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
90 percent of teens would have a breakdown if Miley Cyrus was standing on the edge of a six story building. Copy this into your profile i you're part of the 10 percent yelling JUMP!!
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have way too much stuff on your Fanfiction profile, but don't want to take anything out since you can't decide or don't know what to take out, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you willingly refer to yourself as a nerd, dork, or loser; copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.
If you've ever checked your story for reviews over 5 times in one day, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation
Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
-Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!! (Yup. My friend threw it at me and I turned around BOOM it hit me!!)
-Boys: can’t live with em, and it’s illegal to shoot em.
-What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
-Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this
-Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why
-I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?
-A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!"
-They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
-It's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
-When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and watch as the world wonders how the fuck you did it.
-When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.
-Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
copy and paste this into your profile.
Mom turns on radio:
BABY BABY BABY OOH OH BABY BABY BABY OH
Girl: TURN THAT OFF!
Mom: she has a sweet voice :)
Girl:... That's Justin Bieber
Mom: O_o Justin is a boy name
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Proof that the world is going to end because of Man kinds stupidity:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what? Outer space?)
On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (but no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):);):):):):):):):):):):):):):)find the smiley face that is different:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):);):):):):):):):):)
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line.
If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5.
If you have A.D.D press 6 no 7 no 8 no 6 no 7 no 9 no 0 look shiny!
If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you.
If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9.
If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
If you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Things Maximum Ride has Taught Us:
1. Being different is okay.
2. Even the little things can help save the world.
3. Red-heads are evil!!
4. Love always makes itself known. Even if it takes you five books and fourteen years of your life to see it, it's there.
5. 6-year-olds do have the ability to take over the world.
6. Duct tape is a handy tool if you have a mimicking 8-year-old.
7. The loss of a vet would be a tragedy.
8. Dressing in dark clothes and never talking does not make you emo; it makes you Fang-like.
9. French is the universal language.
10. Fang-sized is an acceptable form of measurement.
11. Count your blessings.
12. Teen magazines don't help you in life or death situations.
13. Nachos and Moutain Dew are proper mind controlling devices.
14. Fang has the power to sum up your life story in nine words.
15. Even a kick-ass, leader of a merry band of mutants like Max can make mistakes.
16. Never get hooked on Valium.
17. The best breed of dogs are talking Scotties!!
18. If one cannot be corrupted by power or money, there's always Snicker's bars.
19. It is okay to sell your soul for a chocolate-chip cookie.
20. Kids are better than adults.
21. You'll know the Apocalypse is coming when Max is wearing a dress.
22. The best cooks are blind pyros.
23. Submarines are tiny tin cans of doom.
24. Desert rat should always be cooked to well-done.
25. School really is an evil place.
26. Teachers really are out to get you.
27. Remember to flap.
28. Only one bird kid could pull off preppy Top-Siders.
29. GIRLS KICK BOYS' BUTTS!!
30. The order of power: God, Jesus, Chuck Norris, Max, Fang, Angel, Iggy, Gazzy, Nudge, Total, humans, animals. NOTE: Brigid, Sam and Lissa don’t make the list.
999999999999999999999998999999999999999999999999999find the number that is diffrent99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
Kids Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher.
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16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things
HOW TO SUCCEED AT BEING A NORMALTEENAGER (In 15 easy steps):
1. The first step in becoming a normal, bland, and spineless individual is very simple. Never think. About anything. Ever. If you have a thought, let it go. Let someone else think for you. Thinking is hard. Let someone else do it. Save your little conformist brain cells for something less difficult.
2. Now let's talk about music. You like unique music? Not anymore! You get to listen to the same generic, repetitive sound that everyone else does. You know, that one beat over and over with the words "Yeah", "baby" and "ooh" being repeated. Lucky you!
3. To be normal, you've gotta dress normal. If you're a girl, that means you wear leggings as pants and cut up your t-shirts so they just barely cover your chest. Uggs are a must, for any time of the year, including midsummer. If you're a guy, you wear the hem of your pants on the back of your knees. Overly violent band t-shirts for bands that you only know one song for is highly recommended. Jerseys and shorts are the number one choice for extremely cold weather.
4. Now that you're dressed like the little snowflake you are, it's time to talk about relationships with your parents! The next time they ask you to perform a non time-consuming chore or a small favor, be sure to throw a complete tantrum in the kitchen. Tell them how much you hate them and how they don't accept your individuality, as they can see by your intuition in fashion. Be sure to include that they don't love you and that they wish you were never born. Follow this by running to your room and slamming your door off its hinges. If they attempt to speak to you at any time after this, lay face down on your bed and scream at them through your pillow. Scream about how no one loves you and let your excessive eye makeup run down your face, too.
5. To ensure that you're everyone's favorite person in the morning, don't ever sleep. It's recommended that you should stay up all night on Facebook chat, having the exact same conversation with nine different people. It should be going something like this: YOU: hey "FRIEND": hi YOU: wassup "FRIEND": nm, u YOU: nm "FRIEND": im bored YOU: same "FRIEND": wat r u doin YOU: nothing u "FRIEND": nothing YOU: lol "FRIEND": lol …And should continue this way until the wee hours in the morning. During this time, no homework should be done, and only caffeine and sugar filled foods should be consumed.
6. If someone offers you an alcoholic drink, TAKE IT. CHUG IT DOWN. YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO LOOK LIKE A LOSER WHO DOESN'T DRINK. YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. DRINK IT. DRINK IIIIIIIIIIT.
7. Speaking of your amazing friends that are so nice to you and you to them, you must remain in contact with them at all times. They have to know everything that's happening in your life, just like you need to know theirs. Every time you start and finish a meal, update your Facebook status. Each time you borrow your mom's car to drive to someone's house to do nothing but sit on their couch for three hours, you should tweet when you left, while you drive there, when you get there, while you're there, when you leave, on your way home, and when you get home. Your phone must be in your hand, or within five inches of it at all times. You can't afford to not have it. What if you miss an important tweet? Your friend could be eating a cheeseburger and you won't know about it! YOU NEED THAT PHONE. Treat it like your child. No, treat it BETTER than your child, which you'll likely have in the next two years. *Important Note: Don't forget to do it while you drive!
8. Go beat up/ridicule a gay kid. Even a kid you think is gay and really isn't. Assume that every guy in the school play and any girl not dressing like a slut is gay.
9. You must use these words/phrases a minimum of five times per minute: - 'Like' - 'Um' or 'Uh' - 'Ohmigod' - 'Literally' - 'Legit' - 'I know, right?!' - 'Dude' - A swear of some kind - 'THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!' - A misinterpretation of the word 'Irony' (And for those familiar with internet vernacular) - 'Derp' and/or 'Herp' - 'Fail' - 'FFFFFFUUUUUU' - 'ASDFASDFASDFASDFASDF' - 'WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN' - Sentences that begin with 'Y U NO' - 'UR GAY' - 'FIRST!'
10. No matter how pretty, thin, and beautiful your outward appearance is, you must always dismiss yourself as "ugly", "disgusting", "hideous", etc.
11. Interpret EVERYTHING you see and hear as sexual.
12. You should ALWAYS expect sympathy from others no matter WHAT you do. Expect that your friends will cry and hug you when you tell them about that tragic weekend your mom took your phone away, ALL because you were caught driving drunk and having sex.
13. The only words you read should come from a TV, a computer screen, or your phone. Reading is for losers who don't have friends to text.
14. If you are doing poorly in any class, expect that the teacher secretly hates you. They really, really hate you. Even though you're doing awesome in that class, they give you bad grades because they are secretly trying to destroy you, and keep from you getting into the party school you want to go too, even though mommy and daddy will buy your way in there anyway. It's NEVER your fault. That teacher WANTS to see you crash and burn. Don't forget to say that to their face and to complain to all of your friends!
15. What's that? SOMEONE IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU! They are assaulting your individuality with individuality of their own! They don't listen to the music you do! They're a girl, and you can't even see their bra straps! How can she hope to be respected when she's not even a d-cup?! They're a guy and you can't even see their boxers! The smell of Axe body spray isn't activating your gag reflex! You know what you must do? ATTACK! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY! How dare they act more intelligent and insightful than you, even though they are! DESTROY THEM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY! What's this?! THEY'RE GAY TOO? NO! THAT GOES AGAINST THE RELIGION YOU SAY YOU FOLLOW BUT REALLY DON'T! NOOOOOOO!*explode*
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW A COMPLETELY NORMAL TEEN. Go cry now. (sad, but so true for about half of my highschool...)
I hate when people say Hades is the devil! If you actully read Greek Myths he is the god of death meaning good and bad people go to him when they die. He is not evil, he is strict but fair. "But he kidnapped Persephone." Well if you were surrounded by the dead all the time wouldnt you want someone to love and one of the most beutiful people to lighten up the place. The underworld probably got lonly and a three headed dog and the dead are not that great of coversaion holder
Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!
Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.
If you're against abortion, re-post this
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Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told, I went to school, I got straight As', I even got the gold!
But Mommy, when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another, And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Chris; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only now, And tell my dear sweet Grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best, Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better then the rest.
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one deserves this, Mommy, warn the others, Mommy, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy, tell the doctors; I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest, But Mommy, please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest.
Mommy, I ran as fast as I could, When I heard that crack, Mommy, listen to me if you would, I'm not coming back.
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with Daddy; On that trip to the new zoo.
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.
But Mommy, I'm must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy tell my boyfriend, I'm sorry, but I had to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true, And Mommy all I wanted to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
--In Memory Of The School Shootings-- If this poem touched you in any way, please pass it on. And even if it didn't, pass it on just for the memory of the innocent children
girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died.
3 kids met in kindergarton.
One was Matt. The second was a boy named Daniel. The third was a girl named Riley. They all promised to be friends and always hung out with each other. When they were in the 3rd grade they promised to always be there for each other. But then it changed. On the way to Sixth grade Matt and Daniel both had to move away leaving a very upset Riley. She cried at her best freinds leaving her. Matt moved to Califournia while Daniel moved to Missouri.
When she was 16 she just got dumped by her boyfreind so Riley was upset. She was on a bench in Central Park New York when a familiar boy came up.
"Why are you crying?" he asked. Riley was a bruntette girl, who could be considered hot. She had freckles and brown eyes. The boy also was a brunette, but he had green eyes. She thought he looked familiar.
"Why do you care?" She asked. He looked hurt by this.
"Well, i was just making sure you were ok." He asked with genuine concern in his eyes. Riley noticed this and looked at him.
"What's your name?" She asked.
"Daniel." he answered. She gasped.
"Daniel? It's me Riley." She was now crying in happiness. He looked shocked, then he hugged her.
"I promised i'd always be here for you." he said. She smiled.
"But Matt isn't." She was lookign at Daniel.
"But your wrong. He's moving back too. Next year he'll be back." Daniel hugged her again. Riley was happy and asked if he was doing anything. He just laughed.
"Except for roaming Central park then no." Then she told him of a really greta movie.
"Sure i'll go with you." And then they became best freinds. Daniel was always there for Riley when she needed him. When they were 20 Daniel asked Riley out. She agreed and they dated until they got married. Matt had come back a year after Daniel and started to date another girl. One day Riley asked why he came back.
"I made a promise. A promise i would keep."
If this story wamrs you heart then Copy and Paste it into your profile. If it doesn't then forget about it.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...
He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...
He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...
He had no army, yet tkings feared him...
He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...
He committed no crime, yet they crucified him...
He was buried in a tomb, yet he still lives today...
Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...
If you truly believe in God and that Jesus Christ is his son...
Then copy and paste this to your profile...
If you ignore him, in the Bible, Jesus says...
"If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my father in Heaven..."
I blieve in god not because of the Bible, but becuase of my heart.
"Nobody fucks with America. Nobody. Let freedom ring motherfuckers."-America :God Save America! by Shatterdoll
SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost.
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...Cat
Tony Stark: Genius, Billionaire, Playboy (Reformed), Philanthropist. It says so much about him and so little. Sure, he's all of the above, but he is far more. This is a guy who has issues to spare, whose snark was largely conceived and operates as a defence mechanism, who really cares for people, just happens to be very bad at showing it. He can be a dick, yes, but this is a man who will go all the way for people he cares about. If he sees someone he considers his being hurt, woe betide the person doing the hurting. He's arrogant, sure, but that masks the strength of will that can move mountains. This is the guy who, in the comics, chewed out Odin for sitting back and doing nothing, then when the Allfather assumed he was asking for divine intervention, he retorted brilliantly. "I don't want your blessing, Odin. I want your workshop." He has depth that is a lot of fun to explore. That and while I am nowhere near as smart and have had a far better home life, I can empathise with him on a number of levels.
Loki Odinson/Laufeyson: Ah, Loki. Possibly the biggest break out villain in history. He has style, charm, snark and brains. It's hard not to like that. In fact, it's very hard not to compare him to his mirror image, Tony. He's sympathetic, yet he's capable of horrifying brutality, he's vulnerable, yet he's capable of taking people apart with just words, well chosen words. He's like an Asgardian (or technically, a Jotun) Hannibal Lecter, with a more sympathetic side. And that latter part is arguably what makes him so dangerous. You can't help but feel sorry for him, but you can't let up for a second. I can see more than a little bit of myself in him, like Tony, so that makes it easier to empathise with him. But he's still evil.
That said, I think he's capable of redemption, and that's the path I'm taking in Child of the Storm. But the thing is, even if he breaks free of his madness and comes to love his family again, and treat humans with respect, his madness will have left a mark. He is still exceptionally dangerous, still deadly, and there is still that hidden capacity for cruelty, rage and destruction. And COS!Loki knows this and keeps it under careful control. But he's also a wild card still in that he will do what he feels necessary to fight the good fight. He is still Loki. His deeds were his own - Thanos did get his mental claws into him, as I see it, but all he did was accelerate Loki's madness down the path it would previously have taken. All he did was make him madder, faster - and he has a lot of repenting to do. But he'll do it his way. He is Wildfire. He is Chaos. And he will follow his nature, for good or ill.
Thor Odinson: The Mighty Thor. Thor the Brave, Thor the Heroic, Thor the Good. It's very easy to like him, because he's warm, open and a very smiley personality. That's part of the reason that the worst accusations levied at him in fandom post Thor that I've ever come across are that he's amiably moronic. Which is, in my opinion, wrong. Sure, he's very bad with modern technology, but that's because he hasn't really encountered it before. Asgard is in a state where most of the functions of technology are performed by magic. And look at how he explains the Nine Realms to Jane. She is an extremely clever astrophysicist (and that's one of the things he admires about her), and he's able to introduce something new to her, without coming across as condescending. He also manages to identify each of the Nine Realms in images from Hubble by sight, which is pretty damn impressive.
He's warm, heroic, loyal, clever (by ordinary human standards) and fair. Sure, he started out as an arrogant jerk, and I doubt he would dispute that. But even then, all he needed to learn was a little humility, to get a little perspective. He was a diamond in the rough. He's the sort of friend you wish you had and you know you could rely on to give you the shirt off their back in a heartbeat if they thought you needed it, and damn the consequences. You can tell that by the way he honestly loves his family and his girlfriend. He'd move the heavens and the Earth for them - and probably could, too. Though it isn't displayed in the films, Thor is a major league powerhouse.
And not only that, but he gives a fascinating outsiders perspective on humanity. In many ways, he is very like Superman would be if he had been raised by Jor-El and Lara - a little alien, made a little remote by his nature and his raw power, maybe a little arrogant, but good hearted, curious and honestly wanting to help. There is a lot to explore with him, a lot of history, a lot of mythology, and that generally gets overlooked by writers and fans alike.
Natasha Romanov: the beautiful but deadly Black Widow. Where to even start? She's a spy, one of the best, and there are vast expanses of her past to explore, let alone her character. She's a writers gift, a strong, popular, well known character who has a lot more to her than meets the eye. And she has issues. Oh, she has issues. This was shown best in Paul Cornell's Black Widow: Deadly Origin (a must for all Widow fans, comic savvy and not comic savvy alike), which explored her past, her progression from person to weapon to person again, her status as an immortal (thanks to the Infinity Formula), and the fact that even she has people she loves. She's not infallible, she's flawed, she's brave, she's brilliant, she's deadly and she's looking for redemption. She's a strong, compelling heroine, the sort that Joss Whedon is so good at and the sort the world needs more of.
Bruce Banner: He's literally a writer's goldmine. If you know the character, you know what I mean. All I will say is that you shouldn't underestimate the Bruce Banner persona because he doesn't have the raw power of the Hulk. As shown brilliantly in recent comics, and arguably in The Avengers, Banner is by far the more dangerous personality. And then there's Betty Ross... Yes, a lot of material to explore.
Steve Rogers: The Man Out Of Time. Like Thor, he's something from another age, who epitomises honour and chivalry in the very best senses of both words. And yet, unlike Thor, there is so much pain there. Everything and everyone he knew is dead or dying, most particularly, the woman he loved. There is nothing left of the world he knew, yet he fights on for a world he knows almost nothing about, against foes that defy the imagination, simply because that is who he is. The thing that makes Captain America great isn't his strength or his shield. It's being Steve Rogers.
Peter Parker: The Amazing Spider-Man. The ultimate coming of age story. The most beloved hero of them all. The hero who is so strong, yet so very human at the same time. He's brave, he's very intelligent, he's hilariously funny, yet like every slightly awkward young man, a bit nervous around girls he likes, believably flawed, but also with a great heart that comes from being Peter Parker, not from being Spider-Man. And that's why I think Superior Spider-Man is a disaster. You can't put just anyone in the mask and expect them to be Spider-Man the way he is meant to be. It has to be Peter. Miles Morales is also a good Spider-Man, but he's a good Spider-Man his way.
Mary Jane Watson and Pepper Potts: I'm not doing these two together because I think they are any less significant than those mentioned above. Far from it. Nor do I think they are the same. I think they're very similar, however. These are two smart, brave, loyal, loving women with their own agency, who pick their path and take no bullshit from anybody. They are the strong ones in their respective relationships. Peter and Tony need them. Not the other way around. But they don't take advantage of this, they don't use it to manipulate them or browbeat them. No, they love them.
Also, both kick unholy amounts of ass. Mary Jane has, in the comics, beaten the crap out of the Chameleon with a baseball bat, having figured out that the master impersonator wasn't her husband as soon as he kissed her, and taken self-defence lessons from Captain America. She's an actress, yes, and a good one, who has to struggle against the assumption that beautiful means brainless. She really isn't. She is genuinely very clever. Sure, she's a model, who does photo shoots in lingerie, but you know what? She does it because she wants to and she will never, ever apologise for it. And that makes her brilliant.
Pepper runs, in the films, one of the richest companies on the face of the planet, and did for about ten years before it was actually handed over to her, while simultaneously making sure Tony didn't self destruct. And when she got given the company and doubtless had to face accusations that she slept her way to the top, she doubtless faced them as she faced everything else - with grace, poise and a sense of humour that is just as razor edged and much more subtle than her ex-employer/current boyfriend's. She is Tony's equal and he loves her for it.
Sure, neither of them is the same level of genius as their partner, but they don't need to be. They don't need to compete. Because they're bloody brilliant in their own ways.
Also, redheads. Redheads are good.
Love Letters On the Train
Dear Stranger, I'm leaving this post-it tucked in the side of the train-seat. If you're reading this, you've seen it. I've seen you sit here every few Monday mornings, sometimes tapping a bent, unlit cigarette against your thigh, sipping from your tea (who brings a tea cup onto a train anyway?); sometimes staring at the rain outside, or reading your well-worn, beaten copy of Jane Eyre (I hate that you fold the corners down - it's bibliophilic abuse. I wish the book would papercut you to defend itself a little, but I digress). You seemed so sad this Monday morning past. Please smile again. I love it when your eyes catch the light of something I'm unaware of, something silently and intimately your own; a secret from the world that makes everything all the more meaningful to you. - The Passenger
Dear Passenger, I'm not in the habit of reading post-its from strangers. I found a love-letter hidden in a newspaper once, that the author forgot or was too afraid to send. It made me sad to think of those words unread, except by me; someone they were never meant for. Do you think the person knows that they are loved? I'm sorry that you're so distressed about Miss Eyre and her scars; but I think of them as creases of my love, etched into her body, the marks of my passion and affection and devotion to her. I think that a love like mine for Miss Eyre and Charlotte Bronte, and Eduard is beautiful because it is imperfect. My Monday broke the death of hope for me, so I was sad. Thank you for caring enough to tell me that you noticed and felt for it. - Little Teacup
Dear Little Teacup, I'm concerned that you'll break Miss Eyre's tender little spine. The paper is starting to fray, and I don't want her to die; especially because she is so dear to you. If you are careful, she may be with you for longer, and give you company and comfort when you are sad and others are not there to tell you their thoughts and feelings and regrets. What tea are you drinking? I hope it is some kind of restorative that brings you back more of exactly that - hope. - Wondering
Dear Wondering, I do not think that it would be a bad way to go - to be loved to death. I am gentle, but my hands know her body too well, and have softened her shape. Miss Eyre was made to be loved, and I am ardent. Today I am drinking Fruits of the Forest. Last Monday I tasted Chammomile and vanilla. Tomorrow I think is a peppermint kind of day. I don't know if peppermint will cure me, but if it doesn't, maybe Earl Grey will. - Thirsty
Dear Thirsty, What are you thirsting for? Will you tell me what has happened? Are there others that you love, like Miss Eyre? - Curious George
Dear Curious George, You'd better stay away from high voltage fences (assuming you have heard the joke). I am thirsting for understanding. I am set apart from other people, through malfunctions buried and rested and saturated in my DNA. The genetic lottery was lost on me, but I don't mind. Sadly others do, and sometimes this makes me sad too. I love others, but Miss Eyre is special. - Malformations In the Code
Dear Malformations, I think malformations make us beautiful, as much as the beauty I see in you. You didn't drink any tea this Monday. Does that mean that the peppermint is working? - Cautiously Optimistic
Dear Optimistic, I had to go into hospital, and have some something done, and wasn't allowed to have any liquids. Maybe, if it works, I won't need the peppermint. I'm starting to suspect that peppermint is not the cure, as it is. Rose tea or Darjeeling is subtle and sweet and might be the key to unravelling the mystery of my genes. Or just unravelling my jeans. Did you notice the new jeans I got today? They were a present. - Liquidless
Dear Liquidless, I hope the procedure didn't make you afraid. And very much that it went well. Can you tell me what it was for? Only if you're comfortable, but I'd like to listen if I can. I noticed the jeans; they look good on you, Darjeeling (darling, haha). Did the giver visit you in the hospital? I'd like to think that they did. I'd like to think they brought you flowers; snapdragons. I'd bring you snapdragons if I could, and if you'd let me. - Ears Wide Open
Dear Elephant Man, Elephant for the ears of course; and because you agree that malformations are beautiful (I do too - the Elephant Man was rejected when he should have been loved). The procedure was to run light and electricity into the dark corners of my mind, to make me alive again. Frankenstein. It doesn't scare me any more, but I'm still not sure that it's the cure. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe I don't need to cure my malformations. Maybe it's just shaping me, and a part of who I am. Maybe other people should want to "cure" me at all - but love me anyway, and stop trying to cobble me together into the sum of someone else's Frankenstein parts. The jeans were from my mother. She visits me, but doesn't understand. When I wear them, I imagine that she's in my skin, walking in my shoes, and finally feeling what I feel. She brought me flowers once too, and I crushed them in my hand, because I was angry and lost, but I have learned to forgive now. - Flower Pressing
Dear Fleur, I hope you've been pressed into a book you love; and slept tenderly in the arm of said pages; perhaps the temperate embrace of Miss Eyre's softly spoken words? Language is a blanket we all need, I think, especially in dark hours. I think you have known many dark hours; maybe that is why your eyes are always searching when you're on the train. I brought you some tea today, and I'll leave it for you when I go. I hope, even if it's not the cure, it aids you well, and softens some of the blows. - Box For a K.O
Dear Knock-Out, You accused me of wanton abuse of my dear ladylove's precious pages, and advocate the use of fists? It made me laugh. Words are my weapons; mightier than the sword and all that. I sleep in characters and worlds when I need to escape the illness in my head. I didn't know that my eyes were searching. I guess all of me is restless, but lately I am thinking of finding a permanent home. Thank you for for the tea. If it is not the cure, it looks promising for an antivenom to loneliness! - Sword Swallower
Dear Little Swallow, I am renaming you, because I think you are a curious sort of bird held captive in a cave; one that you would know well, like Eduard described; that "were it free, would soar - cloud high". You don't need a sword, you need a key. Have you found a home to call your own yet? - Seeking Locksmith, apply within
Dear Lockhunter, I think the key is somewhere inside me. I think I have it, or I'm making it; melting and reforming, and heating and shaping and melting down again. It will take time, but I am patient. The snapdragons were beautiful. Thank you for believing that I could be one of their kind - J&E of Thornfield Hall. If I had a home at all, it would be with them, somewhere in the green pastures and the creaking oaks. But the home I am thinking of is somewhere safe and deep and quiet. A place of rest, perhaps with snapdragons treading softly above. At the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. - Treading On Dreams
Dear Dreamer, When I read your letter, my insides froze and I was afraid. Please say that you don't mean it. Stay with me, and Jane, and Eduard and Charlotte and Mr Yeats and T.S Elliot and those blanketed words. There are so many teas out there waiting to warm you and know the touch of your lips, sipping kissing, your hands wrapped around their cups. Don't give up, I love you. - Love. Just love.
Dear Lovely, Will you come and say hello, and sit with me next Monday? - Sorrow Close
Dear Sorrowful, It will not close in on you. In a moment this note will be in your hand, along with my own, that won't let go. There will be more notes to follow, and more palms pressed to palms, and more tomes to ease those moments of darkness. You are not alone.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.(should you be worried?)
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people (so true)
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles.(...Um...)
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...(...OH I get it)
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.( HeHeHe)
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places(I have nothing to say to that)
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants(DIE PLANTS DIE)
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.(so very true)(sorry guys)
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.(OH the fun I could have)
“Be nice to your children – they will be choosing your nursing home.(Watch out mum)
“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.(Were do you find someone to teach you that?)
i find these funny
Top 12 Pick Up Lines and Comebacks
Filed in humor
Top 12 Pickup Lines And Comebacks
(12) I know how to please a woman. …then please leave me alone
(11) I want to give myself to you. …sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
(10) Your hair color is fabulous. …thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drugstore.
(9) You look like a dream. …go back to sleep.
(8) I can tell that you want me. …yes, I want you to leave.
(7) I’d go through anything for you. …let’s start with your bank account.
(6) May I have the last dance? …you’ve just had it.
(5) Your place or mine? …both. You go to your place and I’ll go to mine.
(4) Your body is like a temple. …sorry, there are no services today.
(3) Is this seat empty? …yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
(2) What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? …what’s it like being the biggest liar in the world?
And The #1 Pickup Line With Comeback…
(1) Haven’t I seen you someplace before? …yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
. I am the Pope of The Holy Order Of Randomness, I'm not ust crazy, I'm totally INSANE!!
Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees"
Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology"
"I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger
The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not
Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept
I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant
It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back"
I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium"
I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight
I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha
Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
Sirius Black is not #24601
I will not lick Trevor
I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is
I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty"
I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey
I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas
I am not allowed to ask Hermione and Ginny if they know what a 'menage a trois' is
I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine"
I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
I will not sell pennies as priceless, Muggle collector coins
I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony"
Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled "firewhiskey"
I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the force"
Locking random pairs of people in the astronomy tower is NOT a good way to perpetuate the race of wizards. Especially if both parties are male
I will not make cracks about how the unicorns refuse to go near Ginny, even though we all know they prefer virgins
When covering the chapter on painkilling potions, I will not turn in a bottle of Tylenol claiming it's the same thing, only better-tasting
The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters
I should not refer to DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine"
I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library
Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs Norris
Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying, "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense
I will not attempt to make Professor's Trelawney's predictions come true
I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house
I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"
If a classmate is jingling the change in his pockets, I will not laugh at him for "playing with his Knuts"
Madam Hooch is not a black-market source for “moonshine”
I will not ask Madam Hooch if she would like to "test-ride my broom”
Exams are nothing more than a unique torture designed to kill off students one by one.
A new Vacuum Cleaner Salesman knocked the door, A Lady opened it, And before She could Speak; Salseman Rushed in to the Living Room, And Emptied a Bag of Cow Shit on the Carpet.. !!!
Salseman: Madam, If I'm unable to Clean this up with My New Powerful Vacuum cleaner in Next 10 scnds, I will EAT all this Shit... !!!
Lady: Do You Need Chilli Sauce with that ???
Salseman: Why ??? !! :O
Lady: Because there's NO ELECTRICITY.. =D =P =$
-Moral: Never Try to be Over Smart.. =D XD
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