vardaquareien
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Joined 01-23-03, id: 330878, Profile Updated: 09-19-12
Author has written 3 stories for Smallville, Once Upon a Time, Thor, and Avengers.


I don't do these 'about me' things well. I'm a thirty-something Aussie who wishes she could write. I'm what you could call a natural-born reader and therefore live in awe of any and all who possess the ability to write. Whole worlds - characters and plots and locations and motivations and other things ending in '-ations', and it just comes out of your head! The whole writing caper just looks like too much work for me. Did I mention I'm a lazy procrastinator? No? Oh I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually...


Favourite Quotes:

"Real children don't go hoppity-skip unless they are on drugs." Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on." Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee." Terry Pratchett (Guards! Guards!)

"The ducks in St James's Park are so used to being fed bread by secret agents meeting clandestinely that they have developed their own Pavlovian reaction. Put a St James's Park duck in a laboratory cage and show it a picture of two men -- one usually wearing a coat with a fur collar, the other something sombre with a scarf -- and it'll look up expectantly." Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman (Good Omens)

"All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums." Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman (Good Omens)

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened." Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

“Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head." Jasper Fforde (Well of Lost Plots)

“Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.” Jasper Fforde (Something Rotten)

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." Groucho Marx

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A Morbid Taste for Ice by sitehound reviews
Darcy Lewis never imagined she'd be living in a house trailer in the New Mexico desert with the God of Thunder and his sociopath brother, but she's making the best of the situation. Until a frozen corpse shows up on the front porch. Casting herself as amateur sleuth, she embarks on a journey that will challenge her definitions of good, evil, love and what it is to be human.
Thor - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 38 - Words: 205,131 - Reviews: 1688 - Favs: 1,095 - Follows: 1,490 - Updated: 3/19 - Published: 8/15/2012 - Loki, Darcy L.
McWhyNot by findinghero reviews
Tim is tired of being in love with Abby, so he goes to Tony for help in getting over her. Tony's solution is not what either of them expects. Along the journey, Tim finds his place with the team. McNozzo slash. Also contains Tim/Tony/OFC. WIP.
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 65,588 - Reviews: 399 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 448 - Updated: 2/14 - Published: 10/8/2011 - Tim M., Tony D.
Ink And Parchment by The Goddess Of Art reviews
Odin and Thor abandoned Loki. Erik and Jane left Darcy. Two souls, lost and forgotten found each other in the vast gloomy forests of the Nine Realms. Joined by accident, bonded by need and changed by love. What happens when Loki lands on Midgard, angry and craving revenge only to find a mortal woman, Darcy Lewis, alone and cold?
Thor - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 40 - Words: 127,114 - Reviews: 1175 - Favs: 887 - Follows: 807 - Updated: 8/16/2013 - Published: 6/23/2012 - Loki, Darcy L. - Complete
In the Service of Liars and Killers by MildredJosephine reviews
When Loki appears in Midgard to take it over, he manages to 'recruit' a certain taser-toting brunette. He gets more than he bargained for, as brainwashing Darcy Lewis could never turn out as planned. Loki/Darcy
Thor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 155,554 - Reviews: 1181 - Favs: 1,311 - Follows: 902 - Updated: 12/2/2012 - Published: 5/8/2012 - [Loki, Darcy L.] - Complete
all the devotion i never knew at all by lobsterwife reviews
he's glad hers is the last face he sees before time closes in on him; august/emma
Once Upon a Time - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,092 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Published: 9/17/2012 - Emma S., Pinocchio/August B. - Complete
All That Follows by South.for.Winter reviews
The people of Storybrooke want to find a way home, but Regina has other plans. A threat against all of their lives forces everyone to work together. The question is, can they overcome the betrayal, loss, and the grudges they've carried for years, to finally find their happily-ever-afters? A Season 2 story. Lots of good Regina/Henry, Emma/August, Snow/Charming. Some FTL included.
Once Upon a Time - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 79,128 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 9/17/2012 - Published: 7/4/2012 - The Evil Queen/Regina M., Emma S. - Complete
The Villain of the Story With Author's Note by Sehrezad reviews
Emma has to deal with the fall-out of killing the Evil Queen and in the process, she comes to some realization regarding Regina's motives behind her actions and for the first time she is able to see the woman behind the Mayor/Evil Queen mask. Warnings: implied Emma/August and character death. NOT A SWAN QUEEN STORY!
Once Upon a Time - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,431 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/3/2012 - Emma S. - Complete
Sailors in the Brig by Sehrezad reviews
"Well, at least they didn't end up in the hospital. I mean it's either James beating me out of August's head or August beating some sense into James. Either way it was bound to get ugly at some point." What happens when James invites August out on that drink he thought about in "The Man in Her Life"? Emma/August, Snow/James
Once Upon a Time - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,521 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/19/2012 - Emma S., Pinocchio/August B. - Complete
Surviving Winter by hazelmom reviews
McGee is made a prisoner of his own talents. Submitted to the Stockholm Syndrome Challenge. Some McAbby. Lots of team friendship. Finished!
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 81,066 - Reviews: 306 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 8/1/2011 - Published: 3/25/2011 - Tim M. - Complete
Of Omission by findinghero reviews
Life at NCIS often seems to move around Tim like he's not a part of it, so Tim decides to build his life outside it. Is he ultimately too deeply entrenched in his job and his co-workers to leave it all behind? Tim/OC. OC death. Dead Reflection spoilers.
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,769 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 5/16/2011 - Published: 5/13/2011 - Tim M., Tony D. - Complete
Forsooth, Good Gentles by Emerald1 reviews
A murder case. The team undercover. DiNozzo posing as a womanizer wasn't that much of a stretch, but what's with Palmer and pickles? McGee's in charge of the op and he'd better be right, or Gibbs will kill him because FLETC never prepared them for this.
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 21,164 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 8/20/2010 - Published: 8/4/2010 - Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tim M. - Complete
Bend It Like Weasley by Jedi Tess of Gryffindor reviews
FINAL CHAPTER UP! Loosely based on "Bend It Like Beckham." A girls' Quidditch team, with students from each House, forms at Hogwarts. A coach with questionable motives is the least of their worries. D-G, post OOTP, COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 225,109 - Reviews: 1632 - Favs: 851 - Follows: 488 - Updated: 5/18/2010 - Published: 5/18/2003 - Draco M., Ginny W.
FREE TO A GOOD HOME by Precious Pup reviews
McGee finds some puppies at a crime scene and he convinces Tony and Ziva to help him take them back to Headquarters to find new homes for them. But things don't quite work out as he planned thanks to Ziva. Fun one shot.
NCIS - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,259 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 23 - Published: 11/9/2009 - Tim M., Leroy Jethro Gibbs
Pistachio by Precious Pup reviews
Follows on from my Tony/Tim story French Blue but can be read on its own. This is the rest of the night after their first date- the porn basically. Their first time together.Warnings Slash! Sex!
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,174 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Tony D., Tim M. - Complete
French Blue by Precious Pup reviews
Tony has a crush on'McGeek' and is having big issues handling it. Angsty & Funny slash romance? Follows from my M rated stories Vanilla and Transitions where Tony Abby and McGee spend the night together but French Blue can be read seperately
NCIS - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 31,513 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 9/29/2008 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Tony D., Tim M. - Complete
Transitions by Precious Pup reviews
Follows on from my story Vanilla but can be read on it own. The morning after Tony/Abby/Tim threesome - sort of. Pre slash
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,591 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Tony D., Tim M. - Complete
Vanilla by Precious Pup reviews
Tony/Abby/Tim threesome. Tony seeing Tim in a whole new way. Slashy thoughts but straight sex.
NCIS - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,794 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/15/2008 - Tony D., Tim M. - Complete
Tainted Tastes by Black Pearl reviews
FINALLY UPDATED! (AU) Having held up his end of the bargain, Draco expects Ginny to do what is expected of her, but Ginny never wanted to hurt Harry, but it didn't matter what she wanted...or so she thought.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 15,073 - Reviews: 542 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/29/2004 - Published: 1/1/2003 - Draco M., Ginny W.
The Care and Feeding of Hobbits by Baylor reviews
Ruminations on the Little People by Boromir, Man of Gondor. NEW CHAPTER: HOBBIT CUSTOMS AND CELEBRATIONS.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 22,649 - Reviews: 510 - Favs: 580 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 6/15/2004 - Published: 11/17/2002 - Boromir, Peregrin T.
Normality by cessa reviews
Ginny thinks that now Draco has dragged her off to Australia, things can only get better…pity she didn’t count on their professional relationship dissolving the second they stepped off the portkey. Sexual frustation, hate and share-bathrooms... ch13 u
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 65,175 - Reviews: 476 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 3/18/2004 - Published: 1/16/2003 - Draco M., Ginny W.
Sing Me Home by shirebound reviews
How did Arwen know that Frodo could sail West? How did Círdan help Frodo decide? What happens when the bent Seas are left behind and the Straight Road begins? Frodo leaves Middle earth, and finds joy and peace.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,163 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 12/26/2003 - Published: 6/23/2003 - Frodo B., Elrond - Complete
Bringing Up Bonjo by linda-seton reviews
Lex, Chloe and a two hundred pound leopard named Bonjo - COMPLETE
Smallville - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,095 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/19/2003 - Published: 10/9/2003 - Complete
This Means War! by CJ10 reviews
(New Chapter Up!) It all started with a paintball match.......... Chlex
Smallville - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 11,889 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/7/2003 - Published: 12/20/2002
Stepping Back by Zara-Rose reviews
Short one-post Chlex piece.
Smallville - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,336 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/12/2003
The Lord of the Disc by Mad Dog2 reviews
What happens when the One Ring ends up in the Discworld?Read and see!My first bonafide fan fic, so R&R!
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,714 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 7/12/2003 - Published: 6/19/2003
Betrothed to the Enemy by SixEcho reviews
Thanks to Lionels twisted games, Lex has one week to find himself a wife or else his entire fortune will be forfeited and he'll be left with nothing. Chloe Sullivan reluctantly finds herself helping him. (Yes, its a chlex)
Smallville - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 27,685 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 4/21/2003 - Published: 2/19/2003
The Official Fanfiction University of Middleearth by misscam reviews
The fic that spawned miniBalrogs, Elrond's Naturally Nine, the MorgothSauron feud, Urple, the WitchWall and finally, Gimli got the girl.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 64 - Words: 66,366 - Reviews: 3059 - Favs: 1,778 - Follows: 148 - Updated: 7/12/2002 - Published: 3/8/2002 - Complete
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are... by Mainecoon reviews
...Very Much Alive, Actually." An alternate ending to Tom Stoppard's play, 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead'. For further information, see the disclaimer. I wrote this while wasting time in French class, so it's not too long. No spoilers.
Shakespeare - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,094 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 19 - Published: 5/4/2001
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Taking Sides reviews
Darcy & Jane haggle over superheroes.
Crossover - Thor & Avengers - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 979 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/15/2013 - Darcy L. - Complete
A Different Kind of Magic reviews
August introspection on where he and Emma fit in a Tale of Two Worlds.
Once Upon a Time - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 909 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/15/2012 - Pinocchio/August B., Emma S. - Complete
Bacchic Effects reviews
Chloe and Lana get drunk at the Talon leading to eventual smutty Chlex. Challenge response. Please R&R!
Smallville - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,464 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 1/4/2004 - Published: 7/13/2003 - Chloe S., Lex L.