We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere, like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Likes: Dogs, eating, sleeping, football, martial arts, classic rock, Gordon Ramsay, AFTV

Dislikes: Too many to list

Random fact: I've acted in a TV show

March 20 update: This site shat itself again and isn't sending notifications to anyone with an Outlook email. I'm still in the process of writing the next chapter, but until the site gets its shit together, there won't be an update.