Author has written 4 stories for Legend of Zelda, My Little Pony, Kerbal Space Program, and Warhammer.
IMPORTANT: MY PROFILE WILL NOW BE USED FOR UPDATES AND NEWS AND STUFF TO PROVE TO YOU I AM NOT DEAD.
Ahem. Indeed. So I apologise profusely for being so inactive. Fear not though, as I haven't abandoned you all. I have just been hard pressed to find a time and a place to write stuff, as the place I would usually do it is one I am now no longer keen to go in, and I don't really have a laptop where I could write more stuff wherever. However, that is going to change sometime next year so expect much more stuff in the near future.
And now for the stuff you guys care about. THE FICS.
Celestia Protects: I have the second chapter of this in progress, but is pretty low priority atm. Since this is pretty low key anyway I am probably gonna end up taking it down sometime.
Javelin Facility: So Zero Starlight, who was my co-author, has bowed out and like everyone else here is now practically dead, and Javelin Facility has now pretty much dead too. I should probably take this down as I really don't have any plans to do anything with this. Soz.
Chocolate Chip Cupcakes: Also dead. I pretty much gave up on this a long time ago as I just couldn't progress with it, despite having plans for it.
KSP: Heavenfall: Although I have hit writers block on this story, I still plan to progress with it. However, it needs a serious redo, not only to keep up with my ideas but to keep up with the game itself.
The Legend of Zelda: An Iron Chain: Not dead. Not EVER. Out of everything here, this is the one I am determined to see through to the end. It is probably going to take a hell of a long time, but I guarantee it will be good. Chapter 16 is in progress, however I am hitting severe writers block. Hopefully I will be able to get it out some time over the holidays, but no guarantees. I apologise sincerely for the wait guys. It's been literal ages.
And now, two other literary teasers I offer up to you.
It's amazing what happens when you watch a civilisation grow to the point of interstellar empires. Such is the case of the ponies of the planet Equus. Although the planet has suffered a turbulent past few centuries, It has rose to global unity, the nations of Equestria, Gryphus, Zebrica and more uniting under one banner in order to cast out their hooves into the stars to forge a legacy for themselves. And it is doing admirably. Under the leadership of its diarchs and Royal Circle, the two dozen systems under the wings of the Equuans have flourished, as does trade between the Equuan Sovereign Systems and its stellair neighbors. However, things are not hitch-free...
So this is a crossover between FTL and My Little Pony, starring the crew of an Equuan corvette, the Pride of Gryphus and an encounter in deep space. This was intended to be a one-shot but depending on the reception, it might end up being continued. It is nearing the end of writing, so its on the cards for publishing sometime soon. Hopefully.
My Little Pony: Harmony's Comet
Four hundred and fifty years ago, Equestria Fell. Masked assailants stormed Canterlot Castle and tore out its heart. The noble Princess Celestia lay dead, her sister gravely injured. In her last few days the princess of the night transferred her rule to the newly crowned Princess Twilight. And so, suppourted by Princess Cadence of the Crystal Empire, the land was unsteadily kept under control, but not for long. Diplomatic relations broke down, Everfree expanded, The kingdom's lifeblood steadily drained. And then came the war. Nowadays Equestria is a dismal place. Dictatorship and Bureaucracy run rampant in its political structure, Funds are poured into development and a new arms race against the Gryphons, while the rest of the nation falls into poverty and despair. But all is not lost. In a vast expanse of wheat south of Everfree, a discovery is made. In the urban warren of Ponyville's lower shanties, a lone mare lifts her head to the moon and cries out, and the moon answers back. And far out beyond the moon, beyond even the reach of the sun's light, something comes. Something ancient, bearing hope in such a dark time. Harmony's Comet is coming.
Well that was fun. This is something that is still on the drawing board for me, as the first chapter is not in progess and I still have little idea about several key elements. But hopefully that has instilled some hope in you that I am not dead.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.
If you ever played extremely bloody and cruel games,dispatching your foes with no remorse,copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever built an empire in a RTS game and felt proud of it,copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you think Preps travel in packs, copy and paste this into a profile
Makes them harder to kill...(shifty eyes)
Copy and Paste this if you are a true fan of legend of Zelda
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
Random is good, because it shows you like being funny, if you're and random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile
If you think you eat an excessive amount of cereal, copy this into your profile.
If you enjoy pancakes (or waffles) a little bit too much, copy this into your profile.
If you're a fan of Charlie the Unicorn, copy this into your profile.
If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you're easily distracted, then...HEY! WHAT'S THAT?
Creative bronies are the final bunch
you need to know,
Making music, art, and stories,
all inspired by the show.
While counting down the days
from season 1 to season 2,
The musicians wrote funky little songs
like pinkies brew!
The pony generators
churned out many new OC’s
And the artists put their art
on tumblr blogs for all to see.
The writers paired their favorites
voicing charming little quips,
And although they faced some critics,
they will go down with their ships!
All bronies repost, bold that which you are. /)
Lavasharks: come on, if you don't then you seriously need to explore the community a bit more.
Basalisk120: check out the Steelhoof shiz if you disagree. it's epic.
Watermelon Juice: writes some pretty funny stuff, and was the first person i had contact with!
littlepidgey: Has written possibly the most awesome four swords fic EVER!!
fireflyfairy09: Also writing a great four swords high-school fic, which you FS fans will love!
Zero Starlight: The co-author of Javelin facility, and hilariously good at it.
Find me on facebook if you like what I write, and if you have something you think i should read. just to let you know, i am a massive fan of the following:
How to train your Dragon,
Spectrobes (to some degree)
My little Pony
and not forgetting Four Swords!
Or any combination of the above.
I'm a big sucker for VioxShadow yaoi pairings, but it doesn't mean i don't disregard the other links.
If you like The Legend of Zelda: An Iron Chain, PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE spread the word! There's a lot more to come, including romance, action, tradgedy, battle titans, a futuristic universe and a foop-load of awesomeness!
Ps. Vote on the poll please, as feedback is kinda critically needed for future writing.
101 Ways To Annoy People [because I thought ff.net needed to know :}) . ]
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Speak in rapid Spanish.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Pretend your name is Cletus-Atkins-Wheatherby-Percival-Smith, and don't answer to anything else.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in others' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to songs at at least twice normal speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Have at least half this list printed on a T-shirt, write above it "Check list for Today." Don't let anybody forget that you have it on.
103 things to do when I'm an evil overlord
- My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
- My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
- My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
- Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
- The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
- I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
- When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say "No."
- After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
- I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, "Danger: Don Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
- I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum - a small hotel room well outside my border will work just as well.
- I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
- One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
- All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least several round of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
- The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
- I will never employ any device with a digital count-down. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable. I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
- I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
- When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
- I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would prove a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
- I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
- Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
- I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
- No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
- I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
- I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strength and weaknesses. Even though this takes some fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
- No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible spot.
- No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive which is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bed chamber.
- I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
- My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
- I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
- All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
- All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcements and/or romantic sub-plot for the hero or his side-kick.
- I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
- I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
- I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
- I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
- I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
- If my trusted lieutenant tell me my Legion of Terror is losing a battle, I will believe him.. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
- If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
- If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
- I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
- Once my power is secure, I will destroy all of those pesky time travel devices.
- When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.
- I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
- I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
- I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
- If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
- If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
- I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
- If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all of my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
- My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
- If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions of the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people oriented position.
- I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
- If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
- I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
- The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legion of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
- My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
- Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owners manual.
- If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
- I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
- My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords.
- If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
- I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
- Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of this nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
- I will see a compentant psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be disadvantageous.
- If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
- My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints and then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
- No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
- I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
- All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
- When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
- If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
- If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon, instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them.
- I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
- When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
- I will instruct my Legion of Terror to attack the heroes en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
- If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
- If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
- I will not tell my Legion of Terror "And he must be taken alive-" the command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical."
- If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited edition commemorative coins.
- If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
- If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
- I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerously unbalanced structure.
- If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
- I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
- I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more alone the lines of "Push the button/"
- I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
- My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
- If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to do the task again.
- After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not disband legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
- I will not design my main control room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
- I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
- If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead, I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
- If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and the underling who failed or betrayed me, I will die first.
- When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
- My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cell mate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening the cell for a look.
- My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
- My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
- If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However, if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
- Any data files of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb.
- To keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.
- In the case a battle deteriorates to close combat, I will not put my lancers in front of a charging cavalry wave. Instead, heavy weapons troopers will be ordered forward to the front line and told to let fly with all their worth. The lancers will be placed directly behind them in case the heavy weapons troopers fail abismally.
- My personal vehicle will not be an elaborately decorated chariot. It will be a fully-armoured gunship capable of clearing a wide area around its landing zone so I can't get glomphed by enemies as I step off the ramp.
- My personal super weapon will not be something that can easily be dodged/blocked/avoided. Preferrably something with a very large blast radius.
I thought I'd chuck into here something I picked up by trawling through Zelda games. So I've discovered that the overworld in Spirit Tracks looks remarkably similar to the land of Labyrinna in Oracle of Ages. Look at the placing of the oceans, the mountains, ect. While there are some discrepancies, i.e. the size, lack of snowy areas ect. , its possible to see the similarities. And while these games are in different sections of the split timeline, they actually take place at relatively similar times. Could new Hyrule be the same place as Labyrinna in a different version of reality?
Tanth's favourite references from the blue yonder.
''WE SHALL KICK EACH OTHER IN THE NUTS UNTIL ONE OF US FALLS!!'
-Blue, four swords plus
"And remember this men, we have sharper pointy things than them! Ooohh yes, much sharper!"
-Cassius Naevius, Rome Total War
'AAAAAAAHH!!! She brought her OC's!!'
-Pinkie Pie, Lunar Slander
'I can't afford to lose any more bodyparts!!'
-Newt Pippington Britishooves, see above
'Well, Thor's taking on a squardon down on 6th.'
'And he didn't invite me.'
-Cpt. America & Tony Stark, The Avengers
'Aww, it's nothin' special, 's just MAH BASS CANNON!!'
-Vinyl Scratch, epic wub time
-The 9th Doctor, Dalek
'Real me, REAL ME!'
-Applejack, MLP: FiM episode 25
'BOOM, headshot, fock your mom! AAAAAAHHH, you dropped the bomb!'
'Mate, what, come on!'
'Make your move.'
'Wait too long, too late you lose.'
'Not so fast, man, watch when I throw this.'
'Holy Crap, it's a flashbang, oh shiii-'
-Dave brown and Dan bull, Counterstrike Epic Rap
'Griffin, you wanna treat? KILL.'
-Toby Turner, Tobuscus adventures #5
'Face, meet wall...wall, this is a face'
-Zero Starlight, Javelin Facility
'You cannot afford-ford ford my diamond sword-sword, even if you could-could, I have a patent!'
-Toby turner, I can swing my sword
'Did you know the Eskimos have over 200 words for snow? Aye, thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that comes in flurries, snow that comes in drifts, snow that comes in on the bottom of your neighbor's boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, aaand snow that falls just when you were going out fishing, and even though you've trained them not do to it, snow your huskies have-'clunk' -pissed on.'
-Rob McKenna, so long and thanks for all the fish
'Kai Aperoo, 555, 0800 OOWAAH!!'
- The Bar Bird, The Old Pink Dog Bar, so long and thanks for all the fish
'This place serves FOOD?!'
-Superman, how the avengers should've ended.
'You in a fight? What are you gonna do, throw your A-levels at them?'
-The Ninth Doctor, Dalek
'Say what again! I dare ya! I doble dare ya!'
-unknown, pulp fiction
-And if I kill the heroes and live, you're not banning Farmville from the group.
-Very well. It's a deal.
-HEY, HEROES TRY EXTRA HARD TO KILL HIM!
-Vaati, Ganon and Nyan Dodongo, Four Swords Facebook
'Man I can't wait to touch all these buttons!'
'Don't touch any buttons!'
-Caboose and Jorge, What I did on my Summer Vacation.
'You wrote a little book, got'em fired up
Had a Beer Hall Putsch, got'em fired up
When your bunker started getting fired up
You put a gun in your mouth and fired up!'
-Darth Vader, ERB 34
'Flavours include: Lemon, marzipan, tea, coffee, big toe, tizer, pins, boxing day flatulence, double pins! Possibly poo... carpet fluff, keyboard dust, knitwear, chalk, ANGER!!! The empty wrapper, triple pins with NOUGAT! Literally fire! Sand... and introducing our new flavour, BROWN!!'
-Mrweebl, the crap chocolate collection, AC04
'What, My sword? F*k yeah, I know how to use it, what's there to understand about swingy-swingy death? It's a F*king sword, dude, it's not a fighter jet!' -Tucker, RvB season 8 episode 10
'Right. we'll have your face, your face, your face, your face , your face and your face. Also your face, your face, your face, and just to make things a little bit different...your crotch.'
-TotalBiscuit, WTF is Space Marine.
"There's no place like Harvard, there's no place like Harvard, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HARVARD!"
-Vio, cliches within the four swords team.
"I AM THE COLOR COLT!"
-Sharky, Shenanigens with Sharky and Zero
"Zaphod! you appear to have fallen down a 30ft hole!"
"Yes I think he knows that Arthur"
"Is he alright?"
-Arthur Dent & Ford Prefect, The Restaurant at the end of the Universe.
"I will destroy you
And steal your Fiancee
Booty Booty Booty Booty Rockin' everywhere!"
-Twilight, Friendship is witchcraft episode 8
Mother of me...'
-Princess Celestia, Epic Rage Time, the Incredible Derp
"Santa be like 'Ho Ho, I seen you kids twerkin', you ain't getting shit fo Christmas!'"
-Some Girl, Some Vine.
'I'll tailgate your Mercedes Benz, until you hit a tree and see how your Mercedes bends!'
-Dan Bull, The Crew
'Why would you think any of this is a good idea?'
'Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.'
'I don't understand how you keep forgetting that.'
-Paul and Carl, Llamas with hats 4
‘What are you people doing in my house?’
‘We’re not robbing you!’
‘Yes! I am the…painter…’
‘And I am the VCR repairman…’
‘I don’t HAVE a VCR’
‘I can fix that…’
-Thomas 'Tomska' Ridgewell and two others, Valentine's Lies
Murdock: Wrong. I can't die b*.
Vio: What swear word begins with b and only contains 4 letters?
Murdock: B I T C H!
Tanth: That's five letters.
Murdock: No S H I T! Yellow you are dumb.
Vio: Quote: 'I can't die b*.' FOUR LETTERS 'highlights previous statement with lots and lots of black marker pen'
-Tanth, Vio, Shadow, Yellow and Murdock, a random discourse involving wolverine.
'It's the eyes...I reckon they unnerve some folk.'
'The pincers too, probably, you know, the 'klik klik klik klik...klik...klik''
-Rubius Hagrid & Harry Potter, The Half-Blood Prince
'How dare you call me major Bloodnok!'
'But that's your name'
'In that case, I forgive you!'
-Neddie and Mjr. Bloodnok, The Goon Show (The dreaded batter pudding hurler of Bexhill-on-sea)
"Pepsi bottle...Coca-Cola glass...I don't give a damn."
-Some Kid, Another Vine.
"But the plans were on display . . ."
"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."
"That's the display department."
"With a torch."
"...The lights had probably gone."
"So had the stairs."
"But look, you found the notice, didn't you?"
"Yes. It was on display at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the leopard. Ever thought of going into advertising?"
-Arthur Dent & Mr Prosser, The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
"You toppled a South American government, Carl!"
“The people have spoken. Viva la resistance!”
"You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan!"
"He was a traitor and a scoundrel."
"He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into a giant fan."
- Paul and Carl, Llamas with Hats 3
"When you need to shoot, shoot, don't talk."
-Tuco, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
'I'll have him gutted, then dried, like something that's been...gutted, first, and then dried.'
-The Earl, Neverwhere
'We should get a pet fish.'
'We should get a pet mackeral.'
'So we can call it Halibut and confuse people.'
-Tanth and Zero, who cares about where this comes from!
'YOU SHALL BUILD A TURTLE FENCE!'
-Rep. Peter Hoekstra, Autotune the News 10