![]() My Fav. Quotes: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Closets are for clothes. Principal Flutie: You burned down the gym. Buffy: I did, I really did. But you're not seeing the big picture here. I mean, that gym was full of vampi ... asbestos. Buffy: It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all of my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair! I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care. Giles: Then why are you here? Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye. Giles: I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that you wouldn’t find elsewhere. Buffy: Like vampires. Giles: Zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi – everything you’ve ever dreamt was under your bed but told yourself couldn’t be by the light of day. They’re all real. Buffy: What? You, like, sent away for the Time-Life series? Giles: Ah, w-w-w-yes. Buffy: Did you get the free phone? Giles: Um, the calendar. Buffy: Cool. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. Giles: Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one assumes it is entirely legal? Willow: Entirely! Buffy: Of course! Giles: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you. Buffy: Good idea. Drag is when a man wears everything a lesbian won't. Buffy: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse? Giles: How about the end of the world? Buffy: Knew I could count on you. Every time you don't follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness. Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult? Cut to Buffy in a cheerleading outfit Buffy: You don't like the color? Giles: Do you ignore everything I say as a rule? Buffy: No, I believe that's your trick. poses in front of Giles, pompoms in hand I told you, I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad! Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher, I forbid it. Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how? Giles: flummoxed Well, uh... by... appealing to your common sense - if such a creature exists. Buffy: I will still have time to fight the forces of evil, OK? I just... wanna have a life. I wanna do something normal. Something safe. Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality. For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian. Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest. Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably... Willow: ...gonna die! Gay and lesbian people fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try to be good citizens. Gay people ... were the first to find me, and they get everything, they're so sharp. I'll look out in the audience and I see three or four gay guys right in the front row, or a couple of lesbians, I know it's gonna be a good show. Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian. Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another. Homophobia is a social disease. Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children. Gohan: Daddy? I lost my hat. Goku: (Goku puts on Gohan's hat) What? Silly. No you didn't. It's on your head. I am the love that dare not speak its name. I can't help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say, "Who's the dyke in the dress?" Buffy: See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth. I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public. Dean: (nodding at two agents) Agent Mulder, Agent Scully I just wish more of my fellow queers would come out sometimes. It's nice out here, you know? Giles: Oh, Emily Dickinson. Buffy: We're both fans. Giles: Yes, she's quite a good poet. I mean for a... Buffy: defensively A girl? Giles: For an American. Officer: So, fake U.S. Marshall. Fake credit cards. You got anything that's real? Dean: My boobs. Hailey: And you're hiking out in biker boots and jeans? Dean: Sweetheart, I don't do shorts. Sam: “Kids are the best”? You don't even like kids. Dean: I love kids. Sam: Name three children that you even know. (Dean thinks and Sam begins to walk away. Dean scratches his head) Dean: I'm thinking! Sam: What if she's already possessed? Dean: There's ways to test that. I brought holy water. Sam: No, I think we can go more subtle. If she's possessed she'll flinch at the name of God. Dean: Uhh, nice (stands up) Sam: Hey! Dean: What? Sam: Say it in Latin. Dean: Yeah, I know (Begins to leave) Sam: Hey! Dean: What?! Sam: Uhh... In Latin, it's Christo. Dean: Dude, I know, I'm not an idiot. I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother. Beast Boy: Told you we'd win you a prize! Raven: (sarcasticly) A giant chicken. I must be the luckiest girl in the worldRaven: This party is pointless. Emo Boy: Everything's pointless; wanna go talk about it? Beast Boy: Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm! Dr. House: See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane. Dr. Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us? Dr. House: I don't want them to think I'm a doctor. Dr. House: Your wife is having an affair. Orange-Colored Patient: What?? Dr. House: You're ORANGE, you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed colors, she's just not paying attention. Oh, by the way, do you consume just ridiculous amounts of carrots and mega-dose vitamins? The carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Get a set of fingerpaints and do the math... and get a good lawyer. If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." Cyborg: How could you lose the remote? Beast Boy: What makes you so sure I lost it? Cyborg: Uh, 'Cause you're you. Beast Boy: Look, just because I lost that video game... Cyborg: And the toothpaste, and my football, and the waffle iron! Sam: So how'd you pay for that stuff? You and Dad still running credit card scams? Dean: Well, yeah. Hunting ain't exactly a pro-ball career. Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards. I'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is. I'm not gay but my boyfriend is. Let my lusts be my ruin, then, since all else is a fake and a mockery. Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them. Buffy: Meaning? Giles: I hid. Let's get one thing straight, I'm not. Ayame: You didn't cheat on me while we were apart, did you, Gure-san? Shigure: Why would I do something like that, Aaya? Shigure and Ayame: with raised thumbs ALL RIGHT! And what happened next, you ask?! It became the day of Yuki's romantic fantasy when he saw Tohru-kun in her lovely dress! Oh no Tori-san! You just imagined Tohru-kun in her dress, didn't you? SHAMEFUL!! My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Ole Moley". Then she went down to the church and got saved, now we call her "Holy Moley". And she married a Mexican feller, now we call her "Guaca-Moley"! I don't play with myself. I was cleaning it once and it went off. Hatsuharu: Whoa... I don't believe it. Someone just walked in who looks exactly like Yuki. A mystery. Yuki: annoyed It is me. Hatsuharu: But this is the main house. Yuki: That's why I snuck in. Hatsuharu: grabs a camera and poses with Yuki Peace. You too, Yuki, peace. Yuki: extremely annoyed What was that for? Hatsuharu: In commemoration of your coming to the main house after such a long time. And for me. What happened to airplane attendents being sexy? What the hell happened to that? Them girls were so ugly they would make Ray Charles flinch This a Song I wrote about my girlfriend she cheated on me with another man its called "I Can't Get Over You til You Get Off of Him" Principal: I've allowed that color, but I don't remember saying you could have long hair. Have it cut by tomorrow. Ayame: But Principal... Principal: No! Rules are made to be followed. I'll call the head of your family... Ayame: I... I come from a royal family. Principal: Huh? Ayame: I've been hiding it until now, but there's a country to which I must return. Principal: Wh-what? Ayame: If you must know, my hair has to be long because... it is said that the first king, the honorable Rurubara-sama, received a message when he reached the age of four. It was from Kandora-sama, who illumines the four directions with gold and red light. When Kandora-sama chanted "Ma Rudu Mani," his forehead shone with a blue light and, like a pony struck by a whip, Rurubara-sama's honorable person was liberated. With a wave of warm compassion, like trees that bend in a light breeze, his supple tresses grew... Now, meanwhile, Kashiparuu-sama was in his chambers sleeping peacefully, like a flower waiting to bud, and he gave voice to the pain that was in his heart, "Kampaniiru...!!" "Kampaniiru", in the tongue of my people, means, "Come forth, ocean of God's power; go forth, veneration!" Principal: Uh, errr, um, just - I'm sorry, but I have to go meet with some- Ayame: grabs the principal's shoulder I'm not done explaining about Kandora-sama. Principal: THAT'S OKAY!! YOU CAN HAVE LONG HAIR!! I was madder then a deaf-mute playing Bingo, getting Bingo, and trying to holler out Bingo, I tell ya... I was living with a girl for eight months, until she found out I was living with her (or "...until she found out I was there...") I was seeing this girl for about six weeks, until someone took my binoculars... I was madder than a skinhead watching The Jeffersons! "My dog can beat your honor student" "Note to self: never mess with a trigger-happy lombax." ~Annihilation Nation Announcer, RC:UYA "I was granted instantaneous and total access to the entire Internet, Mr. Malpense. To be honest I feel... dirty." ~H.I.V.E.mind, H.I.V.E: the Overlord Protocol "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."~Mark Twain "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy." ~Edgar Bergen "The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." ~Elbert Hubbard "Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." ~Steven Wright "I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die." ~Isaac Asimov "If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." ~Paul Beatty If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Why is it that if something says "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside? Which way does a compass point in space? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. The trouble with life is there's no background music. Why be difficult when with just a little bit of effort you can be impossible? A doctor says to his patient, "I'm sorry to inform you that you have a brain problem. Your brain is in two parts... left and right. The left part has nothing right in it, and the right has nothing left in it." I'm on a seafood diet - I see food, I eat it. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. Repost this if you laughed... You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this 'ice ice _" |