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Joined 10-26-11, id: 3374349, Profile Updated: 03-28-13
Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.

Back away slowly from the crazed Harry Potter fan. Whatever you do, don't let her scent your fear or your Twihard-ness.


Who am I?

Well, I'm a person who loves Harry Potter, fanfiction, and especially Harry Potter fanfiction. I like writing and laughing and making others laugh. I love my cat and all other animals too.

I write a LOT although I usually don't publish, I try to always be kind to everyone, I tell very corny jokes and I once taught a cat to dance.

I cannot knit for toffee, no matter how much time and effort I put into learning, I put a little too much energy into thinking about Harry Potter, I love reading obscure books, I sing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidgt often, off-key and LOUDY, and I do not keep a diary.

I like rhymes, Benedict Cumberbatch, awful puns, cartoons, comedies, knock-knock jokes, more puns, weird laws, weird signs and nice people.

I vaguely appreciate flames, because for every flame I get I make myself a s'more.

I'm a Slytherin. I love Percy more than any other character, ever.

Oh, and here's the secret to writing great romantic fanfiction- "Their tounges fought for dominance," is NEVER a romantic phrase. NEVER.


My favorite HP characters?

Severus Snape- I don't get how people don't like him. He definitely had some flaws, but he was funny, sarcastic, interesting, brave, good, and honestly he may have been the most interesting character in the entire series.

Percy Weasley- Yeah, this is a bit weird. I don't know, I've always just found him a pretty interesting character, and I've felt bad for him a few times in the series. I'm not sure I can sum it up properly. Gimme a minute...

Okay, I think it went kinda like this. Percy came home all happy with a promotion and was expecting his family to be all happy for him and such. Instead he got a you're-either-with-us-or-against-us type attitude. Yeah, he chose, but I think they kinda forced that choice on him. He had to either quit and conform or leave. I always thought he was neither with them or against them, and just wanted to stay neutral. And the bit about him spying must've sounded crazy to Percy. I mean, he doesn't seem to have been much of a part of the OotP or even know anything much at all. And Harry must have sounded kind of crazy to anyone who wasn't in on the whole thing. As the readers we are lucky enough to get the whole story and the certainty that it happened. But the other people must have heard a lot of different versions of the whole thing, right? They probably heard it third hand in most cases, too. And he was hearing different things from his co-workers, who he has no reason to distrust, than he was from his family. There wasn't any evidence, and no one official spoke to Harry about it. When a written version finally appeared, Rita Skeeter, a known gossip and liar, wrote it. And it was published in The Quibbler. And Harry was considered a liar by half the wizarding world around then, right? The only big boss official person who knows that much is Dumbles.

And I mean, in the very first book Percy tells Harry that Dumbledore is a bit mad. He says that Dumbledore is brilliant but a bit mad. That's before Ron is nearly killed by a troll while at school. That's before a first year is allowed to play quidditch, despite normal school regulations, and promptly almost dies falling from his broom. That's before Ron ends in the hospital wing because he was clonked in the head by a giant chess piece. It's before Penelope is petrified by a baslisk. It's before Ginny is abducted into the Chamber of Secrets and Percy is the one who has to notify their parents. It's before Sirius Black repeatedly infiltrates Hogwarts and once slashes up the curtains of Ron's bed. It's before Percy and the head girl are left with the responsibility of the entire student body's safety while the teachers and aurors are elsewhere. It's before dementors show up for a quidditch match. It's before a werewolf runs loose on school grounds. It's before a fourth, underage student is allowed to participate in a very dangerous tournament. It's before Ron is left sitting on the bottom of a lake for over an hour after the task is supposed to be finished. (You just know that rule abiding Percy would have been perfectly happy to retrieve the hostages by whatever means they were sunk and fail all the contestants in that task if necessary.) It's before Mr. Crouch turned up dead just off school grounds. It's before Cedric Diggory ended up dead. (As a prefect only a year below Percy they would have definitely known each other and there's a good chance they were friends.) It's before tons of crazy rumors sprung up with no evidence offered. Percy called Dumbledore 'a bit mad' long before many of the people he cared about ended up hurt, in danger, or worse. All of which happened at the school that is Dumbledore's responsibility. And I doubt that Dumbledore trying to oversee the war would have impressed Percy much. Percy's the sort to compartmentalize. The war was the Ministry's responsibility. The school and the safety of its students was Dumbledore's. Dumbledore did not prove very good at seeing to the safety of the school. Percy has high expectations for authority figures and I doubt Dumbledore lived up to them in the end. So I can see Percy honestly viewing Dumbledore as a nutter.

Well, THAT was long-winded. And a bit cut and pasted at times. My apologies, but he's the hardest to explain why I adore. You can find "1001 Reasons Why Snape/Neville/Ron/Harry/Draco Is The Absolute Greatest Ever In The History Of The World!!!" pretty easily. Just click a few profiles. Percy has a smaller fanbase. And gets kinda a bad rap in the books. (Wrap? Rep?)

Neville- How CAN'T you love him? He started out bumbling and shy, and by the last book he was a leader, brave, smart, and a snake-killer. Good for him!

Draco- I felt kinda bad for him, jerk or not. He was stuck a Death Eater, and I don't think he wanted to be at all, at least not once he actually saw what they were about in real life.

Bellatrix- Crazy town and so dang amusing!

Regulus- He made some sucky choices, but was so brave in the end, and died so young.

Kreacher- My favorite House Elf. When he was treated well he was really a decent guy, and he was really loyal and brave.


My Ships:

Severus/Lily: I'm pretty selective about what I like in this pairing, really. It's a tricky one to do. I've never mastered one. But when it's written well, in an angsty sort of way, usually one-sided I love it.

Bellatrix/Voldemort: They're as tricky as Severus/Lily, of not moreso. There's just tons of Dark Potential there.

Ships I Am Vehemently Opposed To:

Ron/Hermione: She just seemed way too smart, kind, sensitive, I don't know, GOOD for him. I don't really like Ron. He has his great points I'm sure, but I just never felt the warm fuzzies for him. *shrugs*

Ginny/Harry: I'm not a HUGE fan of Harry(I like him well enough, he's nice, brave, all that, I just like other characters better), but Ginny just gets on my nerves. I don't know why, she's a fine character, but like with Ron, I never really liked her for some reason.

Raven Darkness Demen'tia Willow Way/Anyone: ...speaks for itself.


James/Lily: James was a bully, and Lily Evans was a quitter. Friends don't give up on friends, especially not when the person threatened to SLEEP OUTSIDE THEIR PORTRAIT HOLE to talk to them. I've had friends betray me and call me things that are basically the equivilant to Mudblood, but I forgive them if they really apologize and act sorry. And I just don't have any patience for someone who picks on other people when the other wasn't even starting a fight, just sitting around studying. In a way, they almost deserve each other.


My Future Projects:

My Imortil Too: Da Goffik Kronicalz. Speaks for itself.

Death Eater Facebook. Yes, Death Eater Instant Messaging changed to Facebook. It was taken down since IM fics aren't allowed, but apparently Facebook fics are fair game.

I can't say for sure when either of these will be up, as I am pretty ill and writing can be a LOT of a challenge.

My Current Projects:

Ask Snape: Snape has his very own advice column. The more reviews I get, the more I write. No, I don't mean it encourages me(it does, though), but Snape will answer any questions he gets in reviews.


Think back to when you published your first story.
Remember sitting there, staring at the computer screen, hoping for a review?
Remember how nerdily excited it made you, even that kind of pathetic one? The one that only said 'updat', and left off the E?
Come on, it only takes three minutes to bring joy to someone. Gopher it.



Read it. Embrace it. Love it. It's a great portrayal of Snape, and is honestly one of the most well-written things on the entire website. I give it an eggplant out of ten.

THIS is the type of story that makes me love Percy so danged much.


Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob? Neither, I'm Team Literature.

Love me or hate me, it's an obsession either way.

Evil people CAN make love happen. We just CHOOSE not to, 'cause feelings are gross.

I'm not in denial. I'm just selective about the kind of reality I accept.

I used to be gifted, but the psyciatrist took away my powers.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure can make misery easier to live with!

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Hospitality: Making people feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen!

The voices in my head may not be real, but they sure do have some good ideas!

Women will never be equel to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and think they are sexy.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I really hate plants.


You know those things people post on their profiles about how such-and-such was killed in whatever horiffic way and if you don't repost s/he'll strangle you or smother you or bury you alive? Well, I've seen a thousand, never reposted, and yet here I am, alive and ranting.


Who lives in our castle although she’s no good?

Ugly Umbridge!

She never takes hints how to live like she should!

Ugly Umbridge!

If you are like me and you want to farewell

Ugly Umbridge!

Then listen, my lads, to the story I tell of

Ugly Umbridge!

Let’s kick Umbridge,

Let’s beat Umbridge,

Let’s bomb Umbridge,

Ugly Umbridge!


The Rules of Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light sabre sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

30) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"

31) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin

32) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

33) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

34) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

35) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts

36) I do not have an Emmett Cullen Patronous

37) I will not lick Trevor

38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"

39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween and ask Harry if he forgives me

40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

42) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet

43) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

44) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape or Draco Malfoy is the Voice of God

45)I will not ask Sirius if he's serious


Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hoqwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has a wand and The Book of Forbidden Curses.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – who cares about the consequences?

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … is okay with it if you want to refer to him as ‘Luscious'.

Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff on a dare.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.


Marauder’s Code of Conduct

1. All Slytherins are disgusting and all should be hated with a passion.

2. Pranking is a necessity.

3. Must have the ability to keep a secret.

4. Making a move on Lily Evans is forbidden unless you are Prongs.

5. Must have a cool nickname.

6. Respect the fears and challenges for fellow Marauders.

7. Teachers are fun to mess with, do it at least once a week.

8. Stick up for fellow Marauders.

9. Do not refer to Moony’s furry little problem as “his time of the month”.

10. Marauders first, everything else, second.


Cinderella walked on broken glass

Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass

Belle fell in love with a hideous Beast

Jasmine married a common thief

Ariel walked on land for love and life

Snow White barely escaped a knife

It was all about blood, sweat, and tears

Because love means facing your biggest fears.


Wizard Rock, A.K.A. Wrock, is amazing! Here are some of my very favorite Wrock songs!

It's Not Half Bad by The Parselmouths

Slytherin Pride by Draco and the Malfoys

My Dad is Rich by Draco and the Malfoys

Potions Yesterday by Draco and the Malfoys

Snape vs Snape by Ministry of Magic

Escape from Azkaban by Ministry of Magic

Old Enough to Die by Ministry of Magic

Gryffindor Rally Call by Ministry of Magic

Longbottom Legacy by Ministry of Magic

My Obsession by The Parselmouths

Black Family Anthem by The Parselmouths


Snape is amazing, but it would still be fun to annoy him. :D Check this out.


Not sure which Harry Potter house you are? Check out this quiz. EASILY the best one. Slytherin forever!


I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
I am the girl that people look through when I say something.
I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.
I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.
I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.
I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.

BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.

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Ask Snape reviews
Dumbledore, that old fool, is making our dear Snape act as if he cares about his students! The poor man. Submit a question and our delightful potions master will answer it! READER PARTICIPATION STRONLY ENCOURAGED.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,845 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 3/28/2013 - Published: 11/8/2011 - Severus S.
The Pursuit of More Than Friendship reviews
It couldn't possibly be that hard to make your best friend fall in love with you, now could it? Especially not with some advice from your family... Percy/Oliver
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,461 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 21 - Published: 3/9/2012 - Percy W., Oliver W.