My.Heart.Is.Diamond.Hard
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Joined 11-01-11, id: 3391566, Profile Updated: 03-05-12
Author has written 6 stories for Smallville, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, and Criminal Minds.

My.Heart.Is.Dimond.Hard:

Here are some of my favorite quotes from BTV and Dollhouse

"What's the magic word?"
"Please??"
"actually I was looking for abracadavra but.. that will do"
Topher-Boyd

"So this is the crack team that foils my every plan, I am deeply shamed"
| Spike-Xander

"I just saw you taste your own nose blood I am too grossed out to hear anything you have to say"
Buffy-Spike

"See, if anyone has any news they can just tell me about it through this ingenious speaking tube, I'm very exited"
Giles-Buffy (about phones)

"Come on! Vampires. Grr! Nasty. Let's annihilate them. For justice and for... the saftey of puppies and cristmas, right? Lets fight that evil!! Lets kill something!!!!... Oh come on!!"
Spike-Xander\Anya

"Now I don't know what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you"
OZ-Xander

"But your not a rat... so call it an upside"
OZ-Buffy

"It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends they don't have a rock this big."
Spike(sarcasticly)-Angelus

"what are you going to do bite me? horrors!! A vampire!!"
|whisler-Angel

"whoa summers, you drive like a spaz"
Snyder-Buffy

"Hit him, your my slayer go knock his teeth down his--hit him again, go on"

"You got any of those little marshmallows?"
Spike-Joyce

"It's been a long time scince I had a spot of violence"
Spike-Buffy

"You have got a lettter of acceptance from every collage with a stamp"
snyder-willow

"its like fun...only boring"
Faith-Buffy

"I don't get your crazy system!"
"It's called the alphabet!"
"Oh well would you look at that."
Xander-Giles

"Neck-paler the angry puppy has come back"
"yes...we came to warn you about the ...angry puppy"
Buffy-Oz

"I couldn't tell you my pretend problems, the real ones are clogging up my head space"
Buffy-Xander

"Most people go around, I'm not saying you can't tunnel though me but the other way is quicker"
"In my defence you do take up a lot of space"
"I do I'm ungainly."
Buffy-Riley

"I'm tired of you men and your man-ness"
Willow-Parker

"That's the great thing about beer, it makes all men the same"
Bar owner-Xander

"I can't belive you served butty that beer"
"I didn't know it was evil!!"
"You knew it was BEER"
Giles-Xander

"All geminis to the rasberry hats"
wilow-OZ

"Cause people. kind of a planitary epidemic"
Willow-OZ

"I have seen honest faces before, they usually come attached to liars"
Willow-Riley

"Remember if you hurt her I will beat you to death with a shovel... A vauge diclamer is nobodys friend, have fun"
Willow-Riley

"Speak and be recognised by you empress, mortal"

"Is this the technical anylist girl?"

"He who seeks the queen of all knowlege speak and be recognised"

"Bark, Bark!!

Oh im sorry

No,no its what we call the Reid effect it happens with children too"

"Next time show a little leg

Morgan the only time you are going to see a little leg from me is when I'm about to kick your ass"

"Try again, fail agian, fail better...Samuel beckett

Try not do or do not... Yoda"

"You have reached Penelopy Garcia in the FBI's office of supreme genius"

"This is Dr.Reid our expert on.. Well.. eEverything"

"Aww Reid I love it when you say 'But'... bang bang for now"

When a woman tells a man about her feelings she dosn't want him to fix her she wants him to shut up and listen"

"What? I'm fine I got my goon squad parked put front"

"Whos up for drinks?

Ooh, who is up for 5?"

"You gotta find him.

What does it look like im doing??

Colouring in a map."

"Hey do me a favor, look up the words sexy and brilliant in that computer of yours

Hey look at that its me

You are a godess woman, Chow, It was A- A work call

"My conceous dosn't allow me to sleep in these situations"

"I find that i do some of my best work under intence terror"

"plus, plus, also and"

"I love you penelopy garcia, Hmm, get in line"

"Garcia you there?

Would i ever leave you?"

"I don't believe in guns

Trust me they are very much real"

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. - Mrs. White, (Clue 1985)

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Never stand betweena dog and a hydrant

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.

"Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man...I could be eating a slow learner."

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think

America's Intelligence:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure?)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

I reject your reality and substitute it with my own.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

The reason I'm still here is because Heaven doesn't want me,and Hell's afriad I'll take over.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

The statistics on insanity are that 1 of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Don't get mad;Get sadistic.

My mind isn't twisted, it's sprained.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

Common sense is the enemy of comedy.

Real girls aren't perfect, and perfect girls aren't real.

Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART

My attention span is just short enough to annoy you and ignore you at the same time.

Knowledge is power;Power is the root of all evil.Therefore study evil and excel at it.

Why don't you slip into something comfortable;like a coma.I will gladly help you.

If you're gonna be two faced at least make one of them pretty.

If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of Progress?

Only two things are infinite:1)The universe.2)Human stupidity

There are few problems that can not be solved with large amounts of explosives.

Boys don't fall for me; I trip them.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if your gonna steal your neighbor's news paper that's the time to do it.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Keep smiling;It makes people wonder what your up to.

Catch a man a fish, and you sell it to him. Teach a man to fish and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.

I can forgive, and I can forget, but I want you to know, you've lost my respect.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Reeses Pieces, Coco Puff, mess with me; I’ll fuck you up.

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends don't carry knives.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I’m trippin’? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit down. Can’t face me? Then turn the fuck around!

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If I were trapped in a single room with two tigers, you, and a gun with two bullets I'd shoot you twice.

Someone call Toys R Us, they want their Barbie back

If you go down the wrong lane in reverse, is it still legal?

Why is vanilla ice cream white and vanilla extract brown?

It looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Mirrors can't talk and you're lucky they can't laugh.

I know water doesn't bite! What a stupid thing to say! Water doesn't have to bite you! You drown in it you moron!

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the heck happened to you?

I refuse to engage in a battle of wits! I will not take advantage of the handicapped!

You sit and listen while I talk about fictional characters like they actually exist.

Yes I am insane, but sometimes I have these periods of boredom where I have to act normal like you.

They say murderers are loners...OF COURSE THEY'RE LONERS! THEY'VE BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Animals were created to love those that nobody else wants.

Why kill them with kindness when using a chainsaw is a lot cooler?

When I start killing off the human race, you'll be sorry you weren't nicer to me.

Neither guns, nor knives, nor axes kill people. The people living just next door or sitting next to you at work are the ones that kill people.

I'm not the kind of girl who makes threats to scare you: I plan my revenge silently.

The world is going to Hell. And I am driving the bus.

Love is like Heaven, but it can hurt like Hell.

If you dug a hole straight through the Earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile.

If you hear voices in you head, copy this to your profile

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with Fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If Fanfiction is to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone (Or more than one someone!) who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked/sang to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar copy this into your profile.

If your crazy and proud of it, copy this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If there are times when you just want to annoy people for the hell of it... copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you've ever gone into a laughing fit for no reason, copy this onto your profile.

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever seen a movie so many time you can quote it word for word, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing at something in a book, copy this to your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone.Wierd is the same as different, which means the same as unique, then weird is good.If you are weird and proud copy and paste this to your profile.

There's nothing wrong arguing with yourself.It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.If you agree, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list.AnimeKittyCafe, Willowfae, SxAmethyst, Sia Bakura, Balmung's Angel, Ash 2112, XDVanilla, Little Prue, GhostAuthor, My.Heart.Is.Diamond.Hard,

Open up Microsoft Word. Put the font on 42, and type in Q33 NY (The plane no. of the 9/11 bombing and the initials of New York). Highlight what you typed, then change the font to Wingdings. If the result made the hair on the back of your neck stand up, copy and paste.

You say Edward, I say Spike.

You say Miley Cyrus, I say Pink.

7 Ways to Scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

31. We have style

32. There's the saying, "Ladies First"

33. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

34. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

35. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

36. Our magazines have horiscopes

37. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

38. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

39. We have ways of getting what we want easily

7 Reasons Not to Mess with Small Children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they laid down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "Someone has stolen our tent."

Go ahead and call me retarded. Then everybody will have sympathy for me when I beat you into a bloody pulp.

Anybody can fight a killer. To love him and not fight him takes a special kind of person.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Live every day as if it were your last, and then some day you'll be right.

Blood is red, bruises are blue, my dear sweet arch nemesis; a violent death is the only death for you

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed,destroy all evidence you tried.

Sometimes a road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

When you cry, I'll cry,you laugh, I'll laugh,you fall down a ski slope, I'll laugh even harder.

Forgive your enemies, but remember their names.

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese; there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mom or dad, or my older brother Collin, or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu, but I think it's Colin.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Everybody is somebody else weirdo.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet?

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

If ignorance is bliss, then why is there school?

The solution to skin cancer…become nocturnal.

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Fun flies when your doing time.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If my music’s too LOUD, then you’re too OLD.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 muscles to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone across the face.

I met some crazy people. They made me their leader!

I'm crazy enough to kill, but that's not your problem. The problem is that I'm also smart enough to get away with it.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy, yet guys only want one thing from many girls. No wonder so many relationships go up in flames.

Most people are alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Live a little. Because you can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing.

"Be Yourself" is just about the worst advice you can give some people.

Crazy doesn't even BEGIN to cover it.

Cute but psycho. It evens itself out.

Facebook it like a jail; You sit around, waste time, have a profile picture, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't actually know.

A fact of life: after Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W T F . ..

Chaos, panic and disorder... Well, my work here is done.

1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard. 2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

YOUR GUY SIDE:

You love hoodies.
X You love jeans.
X Dogs are better than cats.
X It's hilarious when people get hurt.
X You've played with/against boys on a team.
X Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
X Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
X You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
X You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
X Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
X Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
X Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
X You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night--sometimes
TOTAL:6

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

X

You love to shop. (But for books)
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink.
X Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
X You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
X You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing.
TOTAL:10

1. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING. "You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more.

25. My mother taught me CONSEQUENCES. "If you don't tidy your room, there'll be hell to pay."

26. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

TIME FOR A MATH LESSON

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint What makes 100 percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We all have been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over one hundred percent. How about acheiving 103 percent? What makes up 100 percent in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions;

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98 percent

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96 percent

but

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100 percent

and,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20= 103 percent

and look how far this one will take you,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118 percent!

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.

T-shirt:

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

13 things PMS Stands for:

13. Pass My Shotgun
12. Psychotic Mood Swing
11. Perpetual Munching Spree
10. Puffy Mid-Section
9. People Make me Sick
8. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
6. Pimples May Surface
5. Pass My Sweats
4. Pissy Mood Syndrome
3. Poor Men Suck
2. Pack My Stuff
1. Potential Murder Suspect

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress

I'm ENGLISH, so I must be UPTIGHT
I'm SCOTTISH so I must be STINGY
I'm IRISH so I must be STUPID
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be obsessed with boys and gossip
Everyone HATES to be stereotyped, so FIGHT it. and DON'T do it.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with X-Men, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, Tigress5674, sistersgrimmaddict,gothicgirl101, Lupa Dracolis,GhostAuthor, My.Heart.Is.Diamond.Hard

William Stryker: Your country needs you.
Logan: I'm Canadian.~X-Men Origins:Wolverine

Big Ugly: When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know, I was there.
Spike: You were there? Oh, please. If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would've been like Woodstock.
Big Ugly: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.

Buffy Summers: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Spike: [chained to Giles' bath] Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll...
Giles: You'll do what? Lick me to death?

If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.~Richard Bach

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dumb and Ditzy by TimelessTears reviews
AU. Years of being bullied for his smarts left him dreading when people figured out he was a genius. What better way to throw them off then by acting stupid? Enter: Dumb Blonde Spencer Reid.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 71,842 - Reviews: 552 - Favs: 1,118 - Follows: 463 - Updated: 8/10/2012 - Published: 9/22/2011 - S. Reid - Complete
A Fine Romance by SpyKid18 reviews
Buffy Anne Summers, circa 1875, is brokenhearted when her lover leaves her. Determined to get him back, she asks infamous womanizer William Pratt to pretend to court her in order to grab her former lover's attention. AH Spuffy NOW COMPLETE.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 53,502 - Reviews: 277 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 6/27/2012 - Published: 3/20/2012 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
Big Bad William? by xoChantelly reviews
William Pratt is going to the Lowell House Halloween party dressed as Shakespeare? Nuh uh. Xander tries to break him out of his shell and dares him to go as a punk. What happens when a visiting Buffy meets this 'Spike' character?
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 17,287 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/21/2012 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
Coming Back Wrong by A Dreamweaver reviews
After the destruction of Sunnydale and the Hellmouth, Spike comes back wrong.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 48,815 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 3/5/2012 - Published: 2/20/2012 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
Leaves of Memories From a Dark Willow by SupernaturalBuffyFan reviews
AU. Willow just tried to end the world and her friends witnessed something that she can't remember. Set after the episode, "Grave" DISCLAIMER: I do not own BTVS!
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,332 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/20/2012 - Published: 11/28/2011 - Willow R.
The Clothes Make the Man by Whatif-ifonly reviews
As Halloween once again approaches, Henry asks his Uncle Spence to dress up with him for Halloween. Before she knows it, JJ too has been drawn into the fun... CCOAC Masquerade Challenge submission.
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,112 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/8/2011 - [Jennifer J./JJ, S. Reid] - Complete
Dreaming With a Broken Heart by SpiceAngel reviews
"I just wanted someone to know that the best years of my life have been in glee. They've made me feel special." Rachel based glee fiction. Rated M because I'm cautious. Mentions of rape.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,469 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/30/2011 - Rachel B. - Complete
Fighter by RunLiLiRun reviews
A normal kickboxing session goes awry when Lex's rage gets the best of him. Lex/Lana friendship. Post-S2. Written July, 2003.
Smallville - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,615 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Lex L., Lana L. - Complete
The Touch by RunLiLiRun reviews
Chloe and Lana have a coffee drinking contest in the Talon. Lex catches them. Chloe/Lana friendship. Lex/Lana friendship. Post S3. Written October, 2004.
Smallville - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,528 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Lana L., Lex L. - Complete
A Glimpse of the Future by Firefly01 reviews
Lex and Lana see their baby on a sonogram for the first time. Lana POV. Spoilers to Promise, S6.
Smallville - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,206 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Published: 2/10/2010 - Lana L., Lex L. - Complete
Do the right thing by Hey Missy reviews
Clark Kent is an idiot! Lexana
Smallville - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/4/2009 - Lex L., Lana L. - Complete
Safety matters by Hey Missy reviews
Who needs Superman when you have Lex Luthor?
Smallville - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,401 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 10/25/2009 - Lex L., Lana L. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Prince Charming: William Tryst? reviews
Spuffy through the years! Chapter one is grade one, Chapter two is grade two... I love the idea of Spuffy meeting young and I hope you like it too! Please read and review! Escapades of bleach, jealousy and SPUFFY ensue!
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 13 - Words: 15,116 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 6/15/2012 - Published: 4/23/2012 - Buffy S., Spike
Save Me, I'm Broken reviews
A slightly angsty JJ\Reid story about people being there when you need them. Prentiss and Aaron are mentioned, T rating for mentions of self harm, Reid wears 'Juicy' sweatpants, etc - TQH
Criminal Minds - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,890 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 2/28/2012 - Published: 2/4/2012 - Jennifer J./JJ, S. Reid
His Angel reviews
This is about Spike's reaction to his mothers death and a slightly OC Buffy who is the only one there for him when he needs someone most. Spuffy of course, is there anything else?. Please read and review! -TQH
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 343 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 12/2/2011 - Buffy S., Spike
Broken Figurines reviews
A short drabble I thought of, picture them with all of the seemingly empty statuettes all around them. Spike and Buffy being the only ones without a protective shell and lies to cover their tracks... What would they have left? Except each other?
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/1/2011 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
Misery reviews
This is a song fic about Spikes feelings about Buffy, the ending is a bit wierd so if you have any better ideas for the end please review. It is based loosely on the song MISERY by Maroon 5, Rated T, Spuffy.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,484 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/30/2011 - Buffy S., Spike - Complete
Lex's Love For Lana reviews
My first Smallville fic, I always felt like Lex needed more love so... This is my idea of the first time Lex felt love. LEX LANA
Smallville - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 278 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/24/2011 - Lex L., Lana L. - Complete