Poll: I am planning to do an Invader Zim Dare Show after I get done with some things... Heh-heh... *hides shovel and a full bodybag* But, I am planning for it to have a theme song. Which of these do you think I should use? Vote Now!
Author has written 7 stories for Invader Zim, Regular Show, and Misc. Plays/Musicals.
Oh god this is embarrassing.
I have got to update this horrific piece of crap.
I was like, 12 when I wrote this.
WELCOME TO MY WORLD. NOW RUN LIKE HELL.
Hai Peeps!!! If choo are reading this, ah can only assume that choo are looking at mah profile, so welcome to the wonderful land of MEEEE!!! YAAAAAY!!!!!! Please no unauthorized beavers. Let me tell choo a bit about mahself!!!
Name: Sorries, not telling!!! However, if choo want to, you can call me Wolf, it's mah alias!!!
Gender: I'm a girl. OMG, right? Who knew? Shocked, are you?
Assistants: A black, cyborg wolf with large fangs and claws, and piercing red eyes, and a white cyborg fox with smaller fangs and claws, and icy blue eyes. The wolf is named Lunarius, and the fox is named Sapphire. They are mah loyal, obedient, trusty assistants. Mess wit' me, dey mess you up.
Also, ah have two SIR units, Divia and Meirty. Divia looks like Tak's SIR unit, Mimi, except with dark purple eyes. Her disguise is holographic, and she turns into a devious-looking, black weasel with narrow, red eyes. Meirty is a malfunctioning SIR unit, and she looks just like GIR except she is blush-pink where he is usually cyan. Her disguise is also holographic, and she turns into a blush-pink ferret with powder-blue eyes.
Pets: Ah have a chubby, friendly, black, male cat with yellow eyes named Puck, and a skinny, skiddish, black, female cat with orange eyes named Jasmine.
Mount: Ah has a deep-red kitsune-ninetails named Ember whom I ride everywhere.
PenName: It's Invader ShadowWolf. Duh.
Likes: Hmmm... Lessee... Invader Zim, Video Games, Invader Zim, Animals, Invader Zim, Reading, Stuffed Animals, Invader Zim, Snacks, Invader Zim, Adventure Time, MAD, Regular Show, Invader Zim, Candy/Desserts, Ribs, Invader Zim, Spouting GIR quotes, Invader Zim, the Internet, Computer Games, Invader Zim, Swimming, Nighttime, Invader Zim, My Fitness Class, Crew, Invader Zim, Food, School, Invader Zim, Sleeping In, Comics, Invader Zim, Drawing, Art, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and oh, did I mention Invader Zim?
Dislikes: Getting Up Early, Getting Off the Computer, Bad takes off good shows/movies, DragonBall Z-Kai, Bologna, BARNEY THE PURPLE GODDAMN DINOSAUR, Homework, etc.
A little heads-up: You should know that I do have my looney periods. They can happen at any time. I do get a little scary during my looney periods, but odds are I will be safe to approach later, and may even brag a bit. To give you an idea of what to look out for, here is an example of what may happen: Sometimes I will be sitting in a room, talking to my family, someone will say something VERY MILDLY AMUSING, and I will just start laughing. I don't know why I'm laughing, but it isn't a normal laugh. It is an insane laugh. I won't have any reason to laugh, I will just keep laughing and laughing, and I can't stop. It begins to get hard to breathe, but still I can't stop!!! I try drinking water to calm down, but halfway through the sip I gag on the water because I'm STILL LAUGHING MANAICALLY, making it even harder to breathe, and I spit up whatever water I have in my mouth, and continue laughing. By this time, I am on the floor, rolling around in laughter, unable to get up, and my mom has made several comments about putting me in an ASYLUM, and then left the table and hid somewhere. By the time I calm down, several minutes later, I am light-headed and dizzy, and can't remember why I was laughing in the first place, and anyone at the table left quite some time ago. And this is without sugar, mind you. You have been notified.
WARNING: THE PERSON YOU ARE DEALING WITH HERE IS AN INSANE, SEMI-WEREWOLF. KEEP THIS IN MIND AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT.
AND NOW FOR A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CALLING ALL INVADER ZIM FANATICS!!! CALLING ALL INVADER ZIM FANATICS!!! I RECENTLY DISCOVERED A PETITION THAT YOU CAN SIGN TO SUPPORT, ASKING NICKOLODEON TO BRING BACK INVADER ZIM!!!!!! PLEASE, IF YOU SEE THIS, SIGN THE PETITION, AND THEN TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW WHO KNOWS INVADER ZIM TO SIGN IT, AND HAVE THEM TELL THE SAME TO THEIR FRIENDS, etc.!!!!! PLEASE, IF WE CAN GET ENOUGH PEOPLE TO SIGN, IT MAY BE BROUGHT BACK!!!!! HERE IS THE LINK:
SO SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHEN YOU HAVE SIGNED, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE, TO SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPPORT IRKEN INVASION!!!!!!!!!
Announcment Over. Thanks for listening. :D
I'm not giving up my site without a fight, and if I go down, I'm taking a bunch of them down with me. If you're fighting with me and everyone else that dosen't support SOPA and PIPA, copy this to your profile and add your name to the list. Invader Tyleana, Invader ShadowWolf,
Happiness is a journey, not a destination... -Souza
To lead the people, walk behind them. -Lao Tzu
Death is more universal than life. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.- A. Sachs
I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light. -Helen Keller
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. -Benjamin Franklin
Killing is awesome,
Destruction is nice,
But a chainsaw will also suffice.
Weapons are my playthings
I love a good toy,
Swords make me smile
Bombs are my joy.
I fool 'round with matches,
And often start fires,
Then sit there and laugh
Watch the flames getting higher.
I know how to fold paper
To make me a shiv,
But don't you backtalk me,
I know where you live.
I'm one crazy person,
Psycho through and through,
You got something against that,
I got somethin' 'gainst you.
So let's go destroy things,
Bring your friends along,
And if you say I'm nutso,
I won't say you're wrong.
A day without doom
Is like a day without sun,
And I'm feeling bored,
So let's go have some fun.
I enjoy demolition,
I like causing pain,
If you love explosions then
LET'S BRING THE RAIN!
If you like to make trouble,
Copy this down,
Into your profile
To spread it around!
If you love any or all of the things above, copy this into your profile, let Invader ShadowWolf know you did so, and add your name to the list. Invader ShadowWolf,
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON!!!!!! THAT'S MAH FAVRITE BUTTON!!!!!!! IMA PRESS IT AND THEN WE GO INTO EXPLODEY-PHASE!!!!!!!!! MAH FAVRITE PHASE!!!!!!!!!!! *presses button* *seconds pass* WHAT THE HECK??? *presses button many times* *more seconds pass* *there is a small pop and a coffee cup tips over* WHAT THE??? Tha-... Thats it??? Well, that's dissapointing. I mean, seriously, how anti-climactic can you g- *entire earth explodes in a massive fiery cloud of doom* *floating through space* Well, that's MUCH better!!!
I am INSANELY HAPPY!!! No wait, just insane.
KEEP CALM and READY THE VOOT.
KEEP CALM and SING THE DOOM SONG.
FREAK OUT and CALL THE EYEBALLS.
Happy Meals make me sad.
If you're going to blow someone's mind, make sure not to over-do the dynamite.
Come to the Nerd Side. We have Pi.
Instant Human: Just add coffee.
Warning: If Zombies come, I'm tripping you.
Dear Math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... And spiders...
If life gives you lemons, keep them, because, hey, free lemons...
1/2 air, 1/2 water, technically the glass is always full.
I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.
Real men don't sparkle. Real men defeat Dark Wizards.
It's okay Pluto, I'm not a planet either.
If life gives you MELONS, you may be dyslexic.
Little brothers get Luigi.
There are three NINJAS on this profile. (Try to find them.)
Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate rhyming... Zebra.
It's not Rocket Surgery.
If you can't be a good example, be a WARNING.
Everything is easier SAID than DONE... Except for talking. That's about the same.
Sarcasm is the best thing ever.
If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.
Mental Note: You never remember mental notes, take actual notes.
I'm am dissapointment in you're grammar.
I wanna get Chocolate Wasted.
I'm confused, oh wait, maybe I'm not.
Zombie Mozart is decomposing.
If it weren't for Law Enforcement and Physics, I'd be UNSTOPPABLE!!!
When life gives you lemons, BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN.
Fun Size candy? FUN SIZE CANDY? Less candy is NOT fun...
Real life would be more fun if we rode dinosaurs.
Dyslexics are teople poo.
If things don't go right, GO LEFT.
Everyone knows HoverBoards don't work on water.
Someone is reading my profile.
Kiss me, I'm pretending to be Irish.
Pinatas: Victims of Child Abuse.
I want to procrastinate more, but I keep putting it off.
Strangers have the best candy.
Cholesterol is a fancy word for FLAVOR.
My Goldfish is good at playing dead. He must be going for a World Record.
STUPIDEST THINGS EVER SAID/DONE/WRITTEN
Great moments in science:
LARGER KANGAROOS LEAP FARTHER, RESEARCHERS FIND
headline for the Los Angeles Times
On Skydiving, why you don't need to state your zip code after all:
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of the hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our "Easy Sky Diving" book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."
notice appearing in a Warrenton, Virginia, newspaper
On student housing problems:
Fire at Mt. Pleasant Causes Small Damage Starts in Waste Paper Basket Occupied by Two College Students
headline from the Wyandotte (Mich.) News
On driving a Doctor to drink:
Royal College of Physicians' Conference on the medical effects of alcohol-program schedule:
On signs, very odd:
BEWARE OF FALLING CARPENTERS
sign at construction site in Manila, Philippines
On cold weather, what it really does:
COLD WEATHER CAUSES TEMPERATURE TO DROP
headline from Stillwater (Okla.) New-Press
On weather forcasting, rocky:
Reporter: Do you think it's going to rain?
conversation about whether or not bad weather wouold affect a big game
On horses, human:
A lot of horses get distracted. It's just human nature.
horse trainer Nick Zito, discussing the importance of consistent workouts.
On Presidential residences:
The White House has always attracted the mentally ill.
Secret Serviceman Vincent Charles, explaining why security was heighted around the White House
On extended families:
I'd like to thank my parents and my mother and my father.
golfer Greg Norman, accepting an award
On the midwest:
Sam Goldwyn (to a newly signed actor): Where do you hail from?
Today Pittsburgh beat the Pirates, 6 to 6!
sportscaster Vince Sculley on air during a Dodgers-Astros game, announcing results of a Pittsburgh Pirates/Chicago Cubs game
On scores, tricky:
And at the game's end, it's National League 6, American League 4. The score again is American League 6 and National League 4.
sportscaster Curt Gowdy, giving viewers the final score of an All-Star baseball game
The Lord is a shoving leopard.
Reverend William Spooner, oxford academic, famed for his tongue-twisting malaprops, called "spoonerisms," trying to say "The Lord is a loving shepherd"
On livening up sermons:
MINISTER SUGGESTS LADIES TAKE OFF MINISKIRTS IN CHURCH
headline from the Little Rock (Ark.) Gazette
On corrections, very necessary:
The article about the Ladies' Craft Club should have stated that Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Smith gave talks on "smocking and rugs respectively," not "smoking and drugs respectably," as reported.
correction in the Althorne Village (U.K.) News
On being thin:
If she wasn't so skinny, she'd be considered thin.
movie director Gregory Ratoff
On Mafwyps, birth of
Mr. and Mrs. A.P. Hageman are rejoicing over the arrival of a mafwyp cmfwyp emfwypy cmfpwpp doing nicely.
from a Florida newspaper
On odors, what to do with in food preparation:
It's best to go to the fish market early Friday morning and leave your odor.
Julia Child, on her TV cooking show
On Traffic Sighs, Difficult to Follow:
STOP: DRIVE SIDEWAYS
detour sign in Kyushi, Japan
Advertising claims, dubious:
PRIZE WINNING HANDMADE SAUSAGES: ONCE TASTED YOU'LL NEVER WANT ANOTHER.
sign in the Oxhey Lane Farm Shop, U.K.
On corrections, no-so-correct:
Good evening, sports fans! We're crammed into a field house where tonight's sexual competitions begins with the State High School championship. Did I say sectional? I meant sexual!
On Heaven, the local way to:
Harewood Christian Discussion Group: We shall be meeting on Wednesday, 11th April, when the subject will be "Heaven: How do we get there?" Transport is available at 7:55pm from the bus stop opposite the Harewood Arms.
from Collingham Parish Magazine
On football players, odd:
Joe Namath is 20 yards underweight.
NBC sportscaster Charles Jones
On houses, what they really are:
It's nothing but rooms.
attronuted tp baseball freat Yogi Berra, describing his new house
On Language Ability, Pugilistic:
He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too.
bowing promoter Don King, on boxer Julio César Chávez
On winning, startling facts about:
Better teams win more often than the teams that are not so good.
Tom Wat, Toronto Maple Leafs coach
On gender problems:
Q: She had three children, right?
from Oregon courtroom transcripts
On girlfriends, heavy:
I had a girlfriend, but I got that piano off my back.
actor Charlie Sheen
Cooking, Not so helpful hints on:
Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil . . .
directions given on television's The French Chef
On why not to carry bean snappers in Wichita:
Any person who shall in the city of Wichita use or Carry concealed or unconcealed any bean snapper or like article shall, upon conviction, be fined.
City ordinace 349 of Wichita, Kansas
On Christmas carols:
We now will hear Deck Your Balls with Halls of Helly . . . Deck Your Bells with Balls of Holly . . . er . . . a Christmas selection.
BBC radio announcer
On French, problems with:
And now stand by for a running of the exciting annual race car event, the Grand Pricks . . . er, the Grand Pee . . . however you pronounce it. I'll give you the spelling and you take your own choice. Grand P-R-I-X.
On speed, scientific explanation of:
It take three hours for the sun to go from the East Coast to the West Coast and six hours for a plane to fly the same distance. That means the plane is twice as fast as the sun.
Jim Coleman, former Assistant U.S. Attorney and partner of top Philadelphia law firm Ballard Spahr Andrews & Ingersoll, famed for his malaprops as collected by his colleagues
On gas stations, why they're where they are:
It puzzles me how they know what corners are good for filling stations. Just how did these fellows know there was gas and oil under there?
baseball great Dizzy Dean
On getting the vote out
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
former vice president Dan Quayle
Help-wanted ads, equal opportunity in:
Singer for new rock band. Must be male or female.
help-wanted ad in the Camdenton (Mo.) Revielle/Lake Sun
On extinct species, scarcity of:
Red squirrels . . . you don't see many of the since they became extinct.
Michael Aspel, British Radio 2
Great moments in Cross-Examination:
Where you alone or by yourself?
quoted by Orrin Hatch as a real-life stupid courtroom question
The stupidest civic boast of the Millennium:
Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
On autobiographies, subjects for:
Dennis Pennis (host): Have you ever thought of writing you autobiography?
from The Sunday Show, BBC2
On royalty, know-how of:
Princess Anne's not afraid of a latrine in Africa- she just gets in there and does the job.
commentator on Monarchy, BBC1
On weather, tongue-twisting:
Besides the freezing rain, watch out for the spread of Fred. That should be frog . . . er, fog!
On Confessions, Deathbed:
MIAMI MAN ADMIT TAKING HIS OWN LIFE
headline from the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel
On months, new extra-long:
The Hall of Fame Ceremonies are on the 31st and 32nd of June.
Mets sportscaster Ralph Kiner
Nothing means nothing, but it isn't really nothing because nothing is something that isn't.
Darryl Dawkins, Philadelphia 76ers player, just before he started his vow of silence with sportswriters
On saying nothing:
I have nothing to say and I'm going to say it just once.
Frank Smith, Toronto Maple Leafs coach
On Prophesies, sixties-style:
The United States will collapse by 1980.
Timothy Leary, in 1965 (In 1980, when asked about his prediction, he said, "My dear, what is time?")
On hotels, downer:
Please note that letting fireworks off in the hotel guestrooms in strictly prohibited.
sign in the Hyatt Regency, Macao
Beating the biological Clock, Ultimate records in:
Woman Born Feb. 29 Has Baby Same Day
headline from the St. Louis (Mo.) Globe Democrat
Agent: The papers say you're conceited.
Good Health, Interesting ideas about:
If a guy can't get sick on a day like today, he ain't healthy.
Yogi Berra to Joe Garagiola while playing soccer on an extremely cold day.
On Government, Unknown powers of:
Bill would exempt minors from death.
headline in the Goldsboro (N.C.) News Argus
On clarifications, Unclarifying:
My name was printed incorrectly below my letter in the December 30 issue of the Sevenoaks Chronicle. It should read L P Pook, not L P Hook. (signed) L P Hook
correction printed in the Sevenoaks (U.K.) Chronicle
Great moments in small talk:
English aristocrat: Who is that ugly woman who just came in?
conversation with Frederick North, British prime minister, 1770-82
On going back on your word:
Gentlemen, I have nothing to say. Any questions?
hockey player Phil Watson to reporters
On graduation, timely:
I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
University of Pittsburgh basketball player Rod Brodkin, in his senior year
On crime, bad timing in:
Man in bank line: I am a bank robber. Give me the money.
dialogue during an attempted bank robbery in Philadelphia, 1974.
They said it couldn't be done, but that doesn't always work.
Yogi Berra, former N.Y. Yankee
Top Chinese hits, catchy titles of:
"Indignantly Condemn the Wang-Chan-Chiang-Yao Gang of Four"
Hit song of 1976, according to the Beijing (China) People's Daily
On why to go á la carte:
Rather Burnt Rice Land Slug
prix-fixe menu items at the Vy Restaurant in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
On taking pride in our kitchen:
WE'RE PROUD OF OUR RESTAURANT. THE PUBLIC IS INVITED TO INSPECT AT ANY TIME. KEEP OUT!
Sigh on kitchen door of a New York City restaurant (collected by Cindy Adams, New York Post, June 23, 1997)
On police conclusions, amazing:
REMAINS IDENTIFIED; POLICE BELIEVE VICTIM DIED
headline from an AP story
Facts about teens, indisputable:
A girl who is seventeen is much more of a woman than a boy who is seventeen.
from the New York Journal American
On news stories, must-read:
Fish Lurk in Streams
Headline from the Rochester (N.Y.) Democrat & Chronicle
On colors, new
The only color I don't have is navy brown.
Yogi Berra, commenting on his large sweater collection
I found a delivery in my flaw.
Dan Quisenberry, Kansas City Royals relief pitcher, on why he had problems with control
On age, indubitable facts about:
The guy is 21 now, and in 10 years he has a good chance to be 31.
Casey Stngel, baseball great
Dan Quayle, psychic ability of:
I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
Vice president Dan Quayle in a May 1989 Los Angeles Times interview
On fruit identification problems:
Game-show host: Name a drink made from fermented pears.
On warnings, sensible:
Do not pour liquids into your television set.
helpful hint included in a television manual
On nouns, new republican:
The more we remove penalties for being a bum, the more bumism is going to blossom.
Senator Jesse Helms commenting against welfare
The stupidest metaphorical statement of the Millennium:
All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand.
Sir Boyle Roche, 18th-century member of parliament from Tralee and world famed word-mangler
On Italians, Imaginary:
. . . and some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400.
David Smith, Eurogoals
Store signs, Not-so-effective:
You Want It, We Had It
sign at a Japanese electronics shop
The stupidest fashion statement of the Millennium:
Drug Store Body. Let's get the Good Shape and have a sexy body just like a pig.
Slogan on a pair of Japanese overalls
On dry cleaners, overly familiar:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS.
sign in a Bangkok dry-cleaning establishment
On Clouds, Annoying Cloudiness of:
And for the rest of Europe this weekend, a lot of cloud around in the form of cloud . . .
Suzanne Charlton, weather person, BBC
On rabbits, unusual habits of:
Many different kinds of animals have interrupted football games, but perhaps none so unusual as this one: "It's a big, Hippity-hop rabbit, jacking off down the field.
Government Bureaucracies, great time-saving ideas in:
Health department says death certificates are to be ordered one week in advance of death.
from the Lancaster (Ohio) Eagle-Gazette
On poblems, big:
Illiteracy Is Still a Poblem Among Mississippi Adults.
headline in the Hendersonville (North Carolina) Times-News
Truisms, strange and mysterious:
There comes a time in every man's life at least once, and I've had plenty of them.
Casey Stengel, former New York Mets manager
England, little-known facts about:
British penalties for cheating in potato-growing contests are among the severest in the civilized world.
item in the Gaberone (U.K.) Star
All ladies are half price.
advertisement for a Tokyo bar.
On counting backwards, television star shortcuts in:
87, 79, 78, 70, 60 . . .
actor Tim Allen, when asked to count backward from 87 after being stopped for speeding, as quoted in Newsweek (He pleaded not guilty.)
On testimony, excessively literal:
Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Okay? What school did you go to?
actual testimony from court records
On witnesses, possible Lazarus-like qualities of:
Lawyer: What happened then?
tesitimony from court records
On religions, green:
Reporter: Howard Davis is a vegetarian.
On menu items, not-so-inviting:
Menu item from a restaurant in Batam Island, Indonesia
On suggestions, bad:
We regret the closure of this public toilet. Please use the street.
sign on bathroom door, Brighton & Hove, U.K.
Person: The Japanese have destroyed Pearl Harbor!
On brand names, messy:
Strawberry Crap Dessert
Japanese brand names
On great Japanese brand names:
Kolic- mineral water
On preventing fires, good ideas for;
CITIZENS ADVISED TO TURN IN ALARM TEN MINUTES BEFORE EVERY FIRE
Goose Creek (Tex.) News-tribune
On deep doo-doo:
If this country ever loses its interest in fishing, we got real trouble.
President George Bush
On new and innovative products:
Item on a menu from Kathamandap Restaurant, Kathmandu, Nepal
Great moments is litigation:
COURT RULES THAT BOXER SHORTS ARE INDEED UNDERWEAR
headline in The Journalof Commerce
On helpful emergency instructions:
IN CASE OF ENEMY ATTACK
sign by a bridge in Philadelphia
On deals, not-so-great:
Subscribe to China News for 6 months & receive the "electonic pocket size dictionary" $1.49 value for only $2.70.
ad for China Newssubscriptions, Taiwan
On NASA, the last word:
For NASA, space is still a high priority.
Vice President Dan Quayle, talking to NASA employees
On the present, problem with:
Today the real problem is the future.
Richard Daley, mayor of Chicago
On signs, conflicted:
NATIONAL CALLEGIATE ALCOHOL AWARENESS WEEK--FREE DRINKS IN STUDENT CENTER LOUNGE
sign posted at Texas A&M-Corpus Christi
On politicians, carnivorous:
After Governor Baldridge watched the lion perform, he was taken to Main Street and fed 25 pounds of raw meat infront of the Fox Theater.
from the Idaho Statesman
On computer translation, great moments in:
"She's having a bad hair day."
"It is having a defective day of hats."
Alta Vista computerized Italian translator
On questions, very answerable:
I have an emergency and I need the telephone number for 911.
woman's call to a reference librarian, appearing on a list of the stupidest questions asked of librarians in the ALA American Library magazine
On menu items, different:
Pork Condom Bleu
Menu item in Vung Tau, Vietnam, hotel
On questions little Tuppins couldn't answer:
As I lay on the floor in my dark, empty room, Tuppins, my puppy, licked at the tears running down my face. "Oh, Tuppins," I sobbed. "Why has God forsaken me?"
Tammy Faye Bakker, televangelist and wife of convicted televangelist Jim Bakker, on the last night she spent in her house before being evicted by Jerry Falwell in 1988
On hillbillies, too durn ding-dong-dumb:
What in the ding-dong-heckamadoodle hell is that?
farmer in the 1992 movie Seedpole
On confidence-building signs:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR--THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
sign on door of repair shop
On vital political jobs:
Associate Assistant Secretary
federal job titles, as quoted in The New York Times
On titles, snappy:
THE VILLAGE, THE VILLAGE, THE EARTH, THE EARTH, AND THE SUICIDE OF THE ASTRONAUT
title of Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi's book of short stories
On Al Gore, precocious computer genius of:
Newswoman Wolf Blitzer: Why should Democrats, looking at the Democratic nomination process, support you instead of Bill Bradley, a friend of yours, a former colleague in the Senate? What do you have to bring to this that he doesn't necessarily bring to this process?
Vice President Al Gore: During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.
from a CNN interview with Al Gore, March 9, 1999
On warnings you can't argue with:
WARNING: WORKS ON HIGH TEMPERATURES WHEN PUT ON HIGH SETTINGS
hair dryer advisory
On instructions, difficult-to-follow:
PERMITTED VEHICLES NOT ALLOWED
temporary road sign on side of US 27
On death, partial:
MAN THOUGHT HURT
healine from the Providence (R.I.) Journal
"I didn't know that!" Department:
SUFFOCATION MAY CAUSE DEATH.
warning on an automotive A/C recycling machine
It's amazing how well you speak English after only two weeks.
On freudian slips:
ASK ABOUT OUR LAYAWAY PLAN
sign at a funeral parlor
On rules for elephants, important:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
sign posted in a safari park
On weather, fickle:
Weather Forcast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon
from the Detroit Daily Times
It's not over 'till you realize the gun WAS loaded.
It's not over 'till the anti-depessants wear off.
It's not over 'till everyone is either dead, or bleeding to death.
It's not over 'till the dementors catch you.
It's not over 'till you realize that he WAS aiming at you.
It's not over 'till the virus reaches your heart.
It's not over 'till you try to fix the light socket with a fork.
It's not over 'till you realize that the brakes in your car really DON'T work.
It's not over 'till you realize you aren't in Kansas anymore.
It's not over 'till you realize that the pool has no water.
It's not over 'till you cross over to the Dark Side.
It's not over 'till you forget where you live.
It's not over 'till the end of this list.
Okay. Now it's over.
If you don't want it to be over, copy and paste this into your profile, and add one of your own! Oh, and let Invader ShadowWolf know you did that, or she'll make SURE that it's over.
If you have ever fallen UP stairs, add this to your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this into your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever ran into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your head repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this in your profile.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you
If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience
That which does not kill me had better run damn fast.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back
When in doubt, push random buttons!
If you can't beat the computer at chess, try kickboxing.
When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's something entirely different.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work
I'm not cynical, I just see things the way they are
I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid
It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.
Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"
The trouble with life, is there's no background music.
They couldn't repair your brakes, so they made your horn louder.
A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!
Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I will not follow. If you want to walk besides me, go for it, but don't expect a big reaction...
I don't get even, I get odder.
I have a photographic memory, but it takes a day to develop.
I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly, if it's worth it.
If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.
Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Excuse me while I find a container for my joy.
People who think they know everything annoy those of us who do.
I Wish My Father Wouldn't Try to Fix Things Anymore
by Jack Prelutsky
My Father's listed everything
he's planning to repair,
I hope he won't attempt it
for the talent isn't there,
he tinkered with the toaster
when the toaster wouldn't pop,
now we keep it disconnected
but we cannot make it stop.
He fiddled with the blender,
and he took a clock apart,
now the clock is running backward,
and the blender will not start.
Every windowpane he's puttied
now admits the slightest breeze,
and he's half destroyed the furnace,
if we're lucky, we won't freeze.
The TV set was working,
yet he thought he'd poke around,
now the picture's out of focus,
and there isn't any sound.
There's a faucet in the basement
that had dripped one drop all year,
since he fixed it, we can't find it
without wearing scuba gear.
I wish my Father wouldn't try
to fix things anymore,
for everything he's mended
is more broken than before,
if my Father finally fixes
every item on his list,
we'll be living in the garden
for our house will not exist.
My Favorite Pokemon of Each Type:
Rock: Aerodactyl. SO. FRIGGIN. AWESOME.
Fighting: Lucario by far. I also love Riolu, though, but there's just something about Lucario that I really love.
Water: Floatzel. I just love Floatzel. It's strong, looks awesome, and it has that cool, confident expression that's like, "I rock and I know it."
Grass: Shaymin! Shaymin is just awesome. It's so cute, rare, has two forms, need I say more? Of course, I also love Leafeon and Serperior. Oh, and Grovyle.
Bug: Scyther. Scyther is just an awesome Pokemon. It has that almost dragonish look to it, and, in my opinion, it's the coolest bug type.
Flying: I love Braviary, and Lugia is a close second.
Dark: Oh gosh, I have a LOT. I just love the dark type. Some of my favorites are Zoroark, Zorua, Absol, Mightyena, Weavile, Houndoom, Darkrai, and Liepard.
Fire: Ninetales. Absolutely Ninetales. I love fire, and foxes, so Ninetales is my fave, without a doubt. I also love Vulpix, Victini, and Flareon.
Electric: Luxray is my favorite, but I also love Pachurisu, Raichu, Jolteon, Manectric, and Ampharos.
Steel: I love Skarmory, Dialga, and Cobalion.
Psychic: I have a lot of favorites here, too. My most favorite is Cresselia, but I also love Kadabra, Mewtwo, Mew, Espeon, Uxie, Mesprit, Aslef, Lugia, Celebi, Latios, Latias, and Jirachi.
Ground: I like Groudon, Sandslash, Krookodile, and Excadrill.
Ice: I like Glaceon and Arcticuno.
Ghost: I like Giratina, Mismagius, and Dusknoir.
Poison: I like Seviper, Nidoqueen, Nidoking, and Skuntank.
Normal: Zangoose is my favorite, but I also like Eevee, Furret, Lopunny, Kecleon, Regigigas, Linoone, Smeargle, and Persian.
Dragon: I love Dragonair, Garchomp, Reshiram, and Kyurem.
Your real name: No. Never. Call me Wolf, it's my alias.
Your Gangsta name: (The 1st three letters of your name and izzle) Wolizzle
Your Soap Opera Name: (Your middle name and current street name) Brooke Sedgewick
Your Detective Name: (fav color and fav animal) Blush Pink Vixen
Your Star Wars name:( first 3 letters of your last name, first two letters of your first name, and last three letters of your mothers maiden name) Wataiowe
Your Super Hero Name: (2nd fav color, and fav drink) Lavender Milkshake (Milkshakes so count, nonbeliever!!!!!) (This one is a little weird, if you were actually called that as a superhero, you'd stop lots of villains because they'd all be LAUGHING to hard to fight back.)
Your Arab name: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter in your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dad's middle name, 1st letter of a siblings name, last letter of your moms middle name) Itroapa
Your Witness Protection Name: (mothers middle name) Susanna
Your Goth Name: (black and a pets name) Black Jasmine
Your Rock Star Name: (fav fruit, and something that can go wrong): Plum Collapse
Your Pirate Name: (fav color, pirate accessory): Blush Pink Eyepatch
I am the girl that gets lost in thought and runs into a pole.
I am the girl that fit in better at Irk, or any Anime or Manga, Pallet Town, City park zoo, or even Bikini Bottom, then at my school.
I am the weird girl who dresses like she does not care (and really does not care), and acts strange.
I am the girl who has never stayed up all night. I am the girl that blurts out random things, at the wrong time.
I am the girl that never watches things like American Idol.
I am the girl that wants a kindle, not a cell phone or music player.
I am the girl that asks you the same thing for seven days before remembering she already asked you that.
I am the girl that would rather talk about Pokemon, or Invader Zim, or POM, or anime and manga, then singers.
I am the girl that sticks up for people like Justin Beiber, saying things like "He is not a bad singer, I am just not crazy about him. You have no right to be mean like that, or say he is gay. He is PERFECTLY normal."
I am the girl that sticks up for people, when no one else does.
I am the girl that judges people by who they are, not by their looks.
I am the STRANGE girl that says gay people have rights too, and to stop making gay jokes.
I am the girl that has a speech problem, that everyone thinks is SO FUNNY.
I am the girl that enjoys being who I am.
I have a special power. I know that the people that like me, are the ones that can look inside a person.
I am proud to be "That one strange kid." Because I , am ME. Something nobody can copy.
Copy and paste if you are proud to be strange! And add your name to the list: Amy2421, Invader Cakez, Invader ShadowWolf
[ ] No corrections $100
Did you use a calculator to add it all up?
My Total: $4480
Pirates are cool. The color blue reminds me of chocolate and Edward Cullen. If two gooses are geese, would two mooses be meese? And if two foots are feet, wouldn't it be two feetball? Walrus! AHAHAHAHA!! LUKE I AM YOUR FATHA!! I hate lacrosse. Don't ask why. I want some toast. DO THE BARTMAN! SHOOBUS MY WOOBUS and SHOOP DA WOOP, baby! SUPER KITTY, AWAY!! BLUE GREEN AHHH! KITTY CATS WILL RULE THE WORLD!! I ATE A BABY POSSUM ON A STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!! WONDER FUN MEAT WORLD WE MAKE THE BEEF JUST RITE!!!! I like Peanut butter! The cow says shazuuu!! How come ticks tick me off? Ah just go stick your head in a toaster!!! We can do it if we just believe in faires! NUTTBUNNIES!!!! BADA BOOM BADA BAM! AI LIKEZ TO EATERZ TEH WAFFELZ WITH PEANUTTZ AND SOAP!!! Doo bee doo bee doo ba, doo bee doo bee doo ba, doo bee doo bee doo ba, doo bee doo bee doo BA, A-GENT PPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! If you are random, copy and paste this, then add something random of your own!
If you think the people at Nickelodeon are morons for canceling Invader Zim in the first place, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Did you know sarcasm is your body’s natural defense against stupidity?
Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.
If you are obsessed with Invader Zim, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool,copy this to your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
If you constanly spout out random GIR quotes, and this earns you frequent threats involving the ASYLUM, copy and paste this into your profile.
95% of teenagers would start a riot if Justin Beiber were to jump off a 25 story building. Add this to your profile if you're going to be one of the 5 percent to grab a chair, some popcorn, and yell "JUMP!"
A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98% of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93% of the people that read this won't repost it?
Repost this if you want others to believe in God.
PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you
Did you know...
1) Kissing is healthy.
2) Bananas are good for period pain.
3) It's good to cry.
4) Chicken soup actually makes you feel better.
5) 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers.
6) Lying is actually unhealthy.
7) You really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes.
8) It's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.
9) 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move.
10) It's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed.
11) Chocolate will make you feel better.
12) Most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing.
13) A good friend never judges.
14) A good foundation will hide all hickeys...not that you have any.
15) Boys aren't worth your tears.
16) We all love surprises.
17) Now...make a wish.
Wish REALLY hard!!
WISH WISH WISH WISH.
Your wish has just been received.
Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next fifteen minutes and...
Your wish will be granted.
A white man and black man were in a bus. The white man told the black man, "Colored people are not allowed." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir... when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children (Sorry Junior, you just have to deal with the pain.)
2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts (OH CRAP!!! *spews nuts* I thought they were RAISINS!)
3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping (Damn... When else am I going to iron my sheets?)
4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire (I had NO IDEA!)
5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking (But I like it crunchy...)
6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado (...No comment.)
7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts (...Again, no comment.)
8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Away from Children (...I DON'T WANNA!!!)
9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. (Darn. There goes my whole day.)
10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping (But my insides will look so NICE fire-engine red!)
11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap (But WHHHHYYYY???)
12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness (NO FRICKIN' WAY!!!)
13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (...Your first clue?)
14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use (...I wonder what that would be...)
15. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
16. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
17. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
18. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh?)
19. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...And you thought??...)
20. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
21. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
22. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because??...)
23. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
24. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
25. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)
26. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
27. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
28. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children." (Hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
29. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
IF YOU LIKE TO RANDOMLY YELL, COPY AND POST THIS TO YOUR PROFILE!!!
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx, Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc., AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, Mrs.DiAngelo, CHERRY CHOCOLATE PIE, Sakura-The-Kitsune, TimIsaFunSucker, InvaderMads45321, Warlanda, lunathehalfbreed, Invader ShadowWolf
I'm the type of girl who will pull a door that says push copy and paste this if you did the same or visa versa
One day your prince will come... I think mine got hit by a bus.
Wake up in the morning feeling like going back to sleep... mornings are dead to me on weekends
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words can NEVER hurt me." "Oh yeah?" *throws dictionary at him*
Homework hurts trees.
I almost liked you.
I'm not deaf, I'm just ignoring you.
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces
I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of the monsters living in the dark.
Come to the dark side, we have cookies.
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
I'm the type of person that can watch hundreds of horror movies and not get scared but would scream at the top of my lungs when toast pops out of the toaster.
Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
Firework- Katy Perry, Dynamite- Taio Cruz, Grenade- Bruno Mars...I'm starting to get a feeling that hot celebs like explosive weapons...
One day your prince will come...mine? Oh, well, he just took a wrong turn...got lost...and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
I wish that life was a dream...I really want to wake up...
Love me love me not
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you
You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
You say Martians. We say Irkens.
You say Bill Nye. We say Professor Membrane.
You say backpack. We say PAK.
You say uprising. We say RESISTY!
You say stupid. We say "advanced."
You say idiot. We say pathetic, filthy human pig-smelly!
You say ugly. We say big head.
You say "The Song that Never Ends." We say "The Doom Song".
You say robot. We say GIR.
You say "That's not true!" We say "LIIIIIIEEEES!!!"
You say aliens. We say "ZIM IS AN ALIEN! WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO TRY AND PROVE IT THIS MUCH?!? JUST LOOK AT HIM!"
You say "I'm popular". We say "I'M NORMAL!!!!!"
You say chihuahua. We say "MADNESS!!!!"
You say, "Listen very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY carefully!" We say, "Whut?"
You say UFO. We say Voot Cruiser.
You say, "WE'RE DOOMED!!!" We say, "YAAAAYYY!!!"
You say bumblebee. We say EVIL DEATH BEE.
You say police car. We say, "PATHETIC! PATHETIC EARTH VEHICLE!!!"
You say Chuck 'E' Cheese's. We say Bloaty's.
You say McDonalds. We say McMeaties.
You say School. We say Skool.
You say we're weird. We say we're Invader Zim fans.
If you luv Invader Zim, copy and paste this onto your profile!
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I am WHITE and I like COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a NERDY GEEK.
I AM KIND to other PEOPLE, so I MUST be WEAK.
I'm PRO-ABORTION , so I MUST be heartless
I have ASPERGER SYNDROME so I MUST be MENTALLY CHALLENGED
I am FEMINIST, so I MUST be LESBIAN.
I am a SCIENTIST, so I MUST be ATHEIST.
I am CLOSE TO MY FAMILY, so I MUST be going to live with my family when I'm 50.
I am a COUNTRY PERSON, so I MUST have like, 20 kids.
I'm sick of team Edward and team Jacob...I'M TEAM GIR!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile, and add your name! Micah The Homicidal Maniac, Invader Kat 27, Invader ShadowWolf
You know you watch too much Invader Zim when:
1. You have a sudden craving to squeeze a rubber piggy.
2. You don't listen to politicans speeches anymore... you vote for the tallest one.
3. Martians existed. And you know exactly what happened to them.
4. You pass out meat on Valentine's day instead of candy.
5. You talk in third person.
6. You block up your chimney on Christmas beacuse you fear Santa's 'jolly boots of doom'.
7. The most terrifing image you can come up with is a moose eating walnuts.
8. You check your soap for bacon... just in case.
9. When you get a zit, you name it Pustulio and insist that he has hyptnotic powers.(LISTEN TO PUSTULIO HE IS YOUR MASTER)
10. When a dog follows you, you're frightened that you're turning into bolonga.
11. Chihuahuas are frightening creatures...
12. Tuna is worth NOTHING anymore.
13. Waffles are the best food in the world. Period.
14. Being 'normal' is important beyond all else.
15. You've begun to wonder if your teacher can survive in the sun or not.
16. You've suspected that the nearby hot dog stand is controlled by aliens.
17. You wear a trench coat everywhere.
18. You don't eat proper meals anymore; only snacks.
19. You've tried to convert your basement into a secret base.
20. When someone calls you stupid, you respond with 'I'm not stupid. I'm ADVANCED'!
Copy and paste that into your profile if you laughed.
If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.
Invader Zim Questionare: 20 Q's (Paste this into your profile if you are an IZ Fan)
1. If you could hang out anywhere, where would it be?
My Answer: Down in Zim's base, splicing my DNA with that of a Winged, DemonShadow-FoxWolf, (don't ask) to give myself its animal features.
2. Which IZ Character Would You Date?
My Answer: Red. Totally Almighty Tallest Red. I luvz Red.
3. Which IZ Character Is Your Best Friend?
My Answer: GIR, GIR, GIR, GIR, GIR, GIR, GIRRR!!!! Though of course, ah wanna be friends with EVERYBODY, 'cept those nasty kids in Ms. Bitters' class, Iggins, and Sizz-Lorr.
4. Which IZ Character Do You Hate?
My Answer: The nasty, sadistic kids in Ms. Bitters' Class, the nasty, fat, sadistic, swine Sizz-Lorr, and one other. IGGINS. FAT, ARROGANT, GAME-STEALING SWINE!!!
5. Your Favorite IZ Episode?
My Answer: The Nightmare Begins, and Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars!!! RESISTY ROCKS!!!
6. Your Favorite IZ Character?
My Answer: I love everyone ('specially GIR! AND TALLEST RED!!!!) except for the nasty kids in Ms. Bitters' class, Iggins, and Sizz-Lorr.
7. Favorite Almighty Tallest?
My Answer: Red. Definitely Red. Ah LUVZ you Red, AH LUVZ YOOOOU...
8. Zim walks up to you, what do you do?
My Answer: OOOOH!!! SQEEE!!! *hugs* YAAAAY!!! NOW LET'S GO TAKE OVER EARTH!!!
9. You just got 2 tickets to go see a concert, who do you take with you?
My Answer: C'MON, GIR!!! Let's go DANCE to KATY PERRY, AND KESHA, AND LADY GAGA, AND ONEREPUBLIC, AND GREEN DAY, AND MUSE, AND LINKIN PARK, AND MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, AND THAT ONE BAND I FORGET THE NAME OF!!! YEAH!!! DANCIN'!!! ALL RIGHT!!!
10. You accidently got stranded on a deserted island...who got stranded with you?
My Answer: Hmmm... Probably GIR. He's GREAT comedy relief, has like, an endless supply of food, pigs, and suckmunkeys in his head, and he can make waffles out of ANYTHING!!! :) Plus, he has jets, so he could probably just fly us both off the island at any time. That is, if he hasn't replaced the fuel with tuna... XD
11. Zim asked you to help him repopulate Irk...what is your answer to this disturbing question?
My Answer: Uhhhh... Here. *throws at Veena* Okay, you two have, ummm... FUN. Yeah. That's it.
12. Favorite IZ Pairing?
My Answer: ZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADRZADR. Yeah, it's ZADR. But RAPR? RAPR??? That is SO WRONG. I can't even BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW WRONG IT IS. It even SOUNDS WRONG. Just say it out loud. Get it? Get the WRONGNESS? Yeah, I thought you would.
13.You and the Tallest are on the Massive, what would you do?? (I don't know where this question was going!)
My Answer: Have an eating contest. I would win. I liiiiike fooooood... THEN AI WOULD HAS A PARTY!!! AI WOULD INVITE EVERYONE!!!! 'Specially RED! Then I would fly the Massive directly into the nearest SUN!!!
14. If you could spend your Friday Nights doing something, what would it be?
My Answer: Hang with GIR and Zim, switching between dancing, watching TV, cooking, and playing with stuff with GIR, and building mighty death machines with Zim. Oh, and possibly getting him to fix my horrible earth computer. And turn my cat into an obedient, killer-cyborg of DEATH!!!
Favorite IZ Quote?
Zim: GIR!!! Come to the observatory!!!
GIR pops out of a hole in the wall*
Zim: What did you do to the telescope?!?!?
Zim: You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it isn't your fault?
GIR: I know, I'm scared too...
I also love:
Zim: WHY WAS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP?!?!?
GIR: AH MADE IT MAHSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
16. Favorite Zim Moment?
The robot gopher tunnels under Moofy, causing her leg to puncture the thin layer of dirt under it, and get stuck.*
Zim*watching gopher video feed* Excellent, Gopher, just as I programmed you to do... Now, complete your programming!!!
Gopher comes out of the ground in front of Moofy, and stands in front of the sun in a somewhat-creepy, dramatic shot. It does a little dance, and then opens up a MASSIVE RIFT IN THE VERY FABRIC OF REALITY, AND FLIES THROUGH IT.*
Zim: *confused* I don't remember programming it to do that...
17. Favorite Dib Moment?
Dib has been pestered into buying cookies to support Moofy, and is running away holding them*
Ranger Leader: *opens hand* HEY!!! THIS ISN'T MONEY!!! THIS IS HAM!!! YOU CAN'T PAY FOR COOKIES WITH HAM!!!
Dib: *pauses* Why was there ham in my pocket?
18. Favorite Tallest Moment?
Red: Now, let's give our "friend" ZIM, a call.
Purple: *venomously* Yeahhh... I'm gonna make him hurt.
A video link is established, and the image of Zim's base that comes up is HORRIFYING. The base is decimated, most, if not all the machines are destroyed, GIR is shoving fistful after fistful of mashed potatoes into his mouth, the roboparents are playing catch with a small child, and Zim is running around with a parasite the size of a VAN on his head, yelling, "MY BRAIN!!! MY BRAIN!!! IT HURTS TO THINK!!!"*
Purple: *in shock* I'm going to throw up.
19. Favorite GIR Moment?
The squid-man is floating away into the sunset, with dramatic music playing, and GIR going, "G'bye! G'bye! G'Bye!" He dissapears over the horizon.*
GIR*happily* He's getting EATEN by a shark! *smiles stupidly*
20. Favorite Random Moment:
RoboDad: C'mon, SON! Let's go play in the TOILET!!!
AND NOW FOR SOME RANDOMNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I frequently spout out non-sequitors, 'cuz ah luv them, ah luv
FINISH THIS PHRASE YOUR WAY: When life gives you lemons...
Eat them! Lemons are yummy! -noonesorange-StarsRShiney
Read Them! O.O -noonespurple-toxilev
Squirt the juice in your enemy's eye! -Kicon
MAKE FLYING MONKIES!! -Picklewars2
. . . use them to power your doomsday device and hold a few countries ransom, THEN use the resulting influx in cash to take over the world. -M. Burusu
make applesauce! -FrostDeman
... use one lemon bunch's seeds to grow more lemons and start a lemon farm, use the other bunch to make a pitcher of poisoned lemonade, which you give to your worst enemy, then you use the last bunch to power up a time bomb which you use to scare the mayor of your city into giving you complete control over it. Then you use your city control to enslave the townspeople as soldiers to aid you in your plan to take over the world. (Profile worthy, eh?)- Cresle Generation X
... Use them to make a love potion! -Raikim4Never
...Make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it -Rainsong or Moonfeather
... Squirt them in Life's eyes, rendering him powerless. Then harness his limitless power to assassinate the president and take over the world!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! - Moonstream-Sunstripe
...tell me about your cookies! -Spottedpaw13
...eat cherry pie. I mean seriously, which would you rather have? -Rainhead
... Turn around, throw them at a window, then blame it on your neighbor, get them arrested, and last of all, LET THE WORLD WONDER HOW YOU DID IT WITHOUT EXPLODING! -InvaderTyleana
...Wonder who released the moose. Because everyone knows that the moose used to give out lemons on National Pi Day. -Invader Cakez
...1) Feed them to your dog and backflip into oblivion. 2) Throw them at your siblings/enemies. 3) Kill Dib with the juice so Zim can assist you in conquering the earth. - Invader Omega
...Throw them at traffic and cause a multi-car accident!!! Oh, and then make a crack about their cars being lemons. - Invader ShadowWolf
If the world was conquered, I'd rather it was by Zim. If you agree copy and post this to your profile.
Crazy is when you have a voice in your head that you named Pedro, even though he clearly isn't spanish and you just do that to annoy him.
Crazy is when you're so obsessed with eating your Jell-o (and you forgot to put a spoon in your lunch box) that you try drinking your Jell-o through a straw and using straw chopsticks because straws were the only untensil-type thing available.
Crazy is when you start dancing in Walmart to its cheesy music.
Crazy is when you laugh uncontrollably at your own jokes.
Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself.
Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
Crazy is when you forget what you're saying in the middle of a sentence.
Crazy is when you take the time to write down stuff like this and memorize it.
Crazy is when you're going through this as a checklist.
Crazy is when you quote Charlie the Unicorn at random momments.
Crazy is when you eat twenty pixie sticks in one day.
Crazy is when you're crazy.
Crazy is when start talking nonsense everyday during gym.
Crazy is when you convince your friends your 'high' because you can't stop laughing even when nothing is funny. And then all of you convince the nearest adult that you're having a breakdown.
Crazy is when you trip up the stairs, and laugh all the way back down them.
Crazy is when it is the last day of school and you scream and run around in circles.
Crazy is when you get drunk on air and laugh during the saddest part of the move.
Crazy is when you can call yourself something else, and completely become that person, forgetting your reason for hating the world,
Crazy is when you laugh at nothing during school and laugh when everyone looks at you like your insane.
Crazy is when you trip over nothing at all, fall, and say "I see the ground...it's pretty".
Crazy is when you are asked to get someone's phone from the other room, and you go and grab it epically, then crack up and spit out your oreos halfway through.
Crazy is when you go in your backyard and have conversations with yourself and non-existant people while gesturing wildly.
Crazy is when you go outside and show off your Just Dance 2 moves in the rain. While singing along.
Crazy is when you watch Lord of the Rings with your family, and at the end, when they discuss it like nerds, you nod like you get it and when they finish talking, you look at something random and say, "Oh, shiny!...wait...what were we talking about again?"
Crazy is AWESOME!!!
Crazy is when you is on skype, and your friend randomly says, "Well, that guy's headed for certain death," and you laugh.
Crazy is saying, "There's a car in a river, and people in the car. How is that a fail? That's a win!!!"
Crazy is when you read crack pairing fics and make your own when you're bored.
Crazy is when you have memorized all the words to llamas with hats and repeat them to random people, just so you can creep them out.
Crazy is when you randomly say 'moo' or 'cheese'.
Crazy am when you don't not got no good grammars.
Crazy is when you recieve daily threats to get put in an asylum.
Crazy is when you make a list of where you put everything so as not to lose it, and you lose the list.
Crazy is when you can voluntarily make your eye twitch, and it looks realistic, too!
Crazy is when you ferociously growl like a mad wolf when your friends annoy you.
Crazy is when you put it on your To-Do list to memorize the universe's top ten most annoying songs.
Crazy is when you are in a quiet classroom, you fall out of your chair backwards, and start laughing insanely while everyone stares at you.
Crazy is when you constantly shout out non-sequitors. TORTELLINI!!!!!!!
Crazy is when you like eating paper.
Crazy is when you bend your computer or DS' screen and threaten it when it's being slow or you lose a game.
Crazy is when you say something that makes no sense to anyone but you and doesn't actually relate to anything, but you crack up, and when everyone stars giving you "looks", you cover up by saying it's an "inside joke."
Crazy is when you are PROUD of the fact that you can bash your head against a wall for five straight minutes and not feel a thing.
Crazy is when your stuff keeps falling out of your locker, and you randomly snap and start punching and kicking it and screaming, "HOW DO YA' LIKE ME NOW?!?!? HUH?!? YOU WANT SOME A' DIS?!? HUH? HUH?!?" and not even noticing that everyone is stopping and staring at you.
Crazy is when you burn your tongue on a hot liquid or omthing like that, shriek, spaz out, wonder out loud how long it will take for your taste buds to grow back, then continue drinking the scalding liquid like nothing happened.
Crazy is when you have a staring contest with yourself
Crazy is when you've unintentionally done half, or more, of the things on this list.
If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!
The "You no like, you no read" club: If you believe that people who don't like someone's story should simply not read it instead of posting cruel and hateful reviews, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Alicia's Purple Velvet Purse, changelingchild, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraxXXxItachiSakura, cherryredblossom,BLOSSOMHEARTXOXO, Kagome-Loves-Kouga, Jessica01, Jidt, Horseluvr14, I'mdancinonthefloorforacartoon, Invader ShadowWolf
101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART!!!
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I need some tampons!!”
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy”
52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!”
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you're on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else you know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If you're a guy, try to act as valley-girl-like as you can
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)” Etc.
85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around.
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun”. Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.
98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?”
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
8. Whenever someone calls your name, scream, "I DIDN'T DO IT!!!"
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, scream, "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
Things to do on an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it!
17 Things to do when you're in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"
16. Have a friend push you down the aisle in a shopping cart as you yell "THE REDNECKS ARE COMING! THE REDNECKS ARE COMING!"
17. Shout at the top of your lungs "WALDEMORT IS TAKING OVER!" and count how many people turn to look at you.
STORIES I AM PLANNING ON DOING:
Invader Zim Chatroom of the Wolf: A chatroom story containing the IZ cast and me and my OCs. Inspired by Invader Tyleana's Chatroom story.
Night Justice: A story about what happens when my OC Milura and bg52598's OC Alex team up as vigilanties and fight crime at night under the codenames NightFang (Milura) and Wildcat (Alex). An idea given to me by bg52598.
Accused: Alex is found unconsious and injured in the attic, and everyone thinks Milura is the culprit, and Milura is fired from her job at the park. An idea given to me by bg52598.
This is my Original Character Gallery. It is, and will probably always be, a work-in-progress. A.K.A. As soon as my demented mind comes up with a new character, it will soon be posted on here.
Invader Zim OC's:
Height: Slightly taller than Zim
Age: Sixteen in Irken years, 160 in human years.
Eyes: Veena has almond-shaped eyes, her eyes change color according to her mood. When she is calm/sad/thinking/relaxed/worried/etc. her eyes turn a lavender-blue color, when she is excited/surprised/shocked/etc. her eyes turn bright orange, when she is confused/curious/inquisitive/etc. her eyes turn a sharp yellow, when she is angry/frustrated/indignant/etc. her eyes turn a purply-maroon (like if you crossed the colors of Tak's and Zim's eyes), when she is dizzy/woozy/tired/sick/etc. her eyes turn a sickly green, and when she is happy/pleased/thankful/etc. her eyes turn a rosy, powder-pink.
PAK: Veena's PAK does not look like that of a normal Irken. Instead it is similar to the shape of the abdomen of a certain species of spider, shown in the link: but it is colored like a normal PAK. Her PAK looks like this because she decided one day that is was "rather inefficient", so she began to design a new kind of PAK. When she finished, the result was the spiny PAK I described. (The spines don't stick out all around like a hedgehog, just so you know. Instead, they stick out around the base, kinda like a spider's egg sac, if you have ever seen one.) The spines were added because they help the PAK stay on, therefore the spiny PAK is much harder to accidentally knock off than a regular one. If you have read the script/description of the unaired Invader Zim episode, "Ten Minutes to Doom", you should know that the PAK is life support for an Irken, and contains all their memories, etc., and their body is just something to carry the PAK around. With the average PAK, if it is lost, the Irken has only ten minutes to regain it, But with the spiny PAK, if Veena loses it, a wireless link is created with her PAK, that will get weaker the longer it is used, and eventually shut off in about an hour, and then the normal ten minute countdown starts. Also, Veena's PAK is also an incredible storge unit, and, due to the small SPACIAL RIFT that Veena installed in her PAK, Veena can store enough stuff in it to fill a good-sized house, and then some. Veena is a certified PAK mechanic.
Assistant: SARA: SARA is a robot that Veena invented. SARA stands for Super Adaptive Robotic Assistant. SARA has the unique ability to adapt into the most appropriate form for her current situation. The form she takes most often looks like a foot-and-a-half long, dark purple, sleek, ferret-like creature, with bright yellow, pupil-less eyes and bright yellow, triangular nose, and pointed ears and snout. SARA clever, and usually obidient, but will ocasionally disobey orders if she thinks there is a better solution. She can be hyper at times, and never, ever, EVER let her near cotton candy, or you'll regret it. When SARA is in her main, ferret-like form, she likes to sit on Veena's neck and shoulders like a stole, and Veena brings her to Skool this way.
Antennae: Veena has long, thick, S shaped antennae that reach to her waist. They are extremely flexible and they are her weapon of choice as she can tie venomous barbs on the ends and use them in a whiplike fashion. She has gotten so good at using her antennae this way that she can even strike fast-moving projectiles (like bullets, missiles, cannon balls, etc.) out of the air with them. .
Clothes: Veena doesn't wear the normal Irken uniform. Instead she usually likes to wear a purple dress that goes about halfway to her knees, with long sleeves that are striped (stripes are across, not lengthwise) in white and green, and pants to match the sleeves. She also wears black boots, like Zim's but shorter, but no gloves. This is useful attire as she can use is as part of her earth disguise. The only other outfit she wears is her formal wear, used for fighting or other things that her other outfit would get in the way of. Her formal wear is an almost all-black, skin-tight jumpsuit, with an oblong hole on either side of her stomach, over her ribs. Each of the holes are outlined with pinkish-purple, circular rim.
Disguise: For her disguise, Veena wears a special bracelet that generates a hologram, which is silver chain with a pink "gem", and the gem generates the hologram. Since Veena is already wearing an outfit suitable for her disguise, the hologram just makes her eyes and skin look normal, creates hair, etc. When the hologram is on, the hair is creates is jet black, and covers her anntennae and PAK at the same time. It also gives her pale skin, and while her eyes stay the same shape, they are made to look human, with ice-blue pupils, and her ears have small pink earrings.
Additional info: Veena isn't hurt by water, no one knows why. Veena also built her own ship, and it is very streamlined and aerodynamic, making it extremely fast. It is a deep purple, and is the shape of a teardrop, cut in half lengthwise. The wings start about halfway down the ship, and are smooth and rounded upfront, with the knife-shaped ends parting away from the ship and ending a bit after the main body of the ship. Veena is Tak's rival, and one of the reasons she like Zim is that he screwed Tak up so badly that one time. She is considered defective because she used to be a general, but left of her own accord and without permission when she decided that she disagreed with the violence of the job.
Disadvantages: Veena is EXTREMELY clausterphobic, if she is in a space smaller than about four feet, she spazzes out big time. She can also run fast, but has next to no stamina. She has an unexplained, weird fear of eclipses, lunar or solar, and freaks out if she is outside during an eclipse. Also, due to the fact that she has long antennae, they tend to snag on things a lot.
Regular Show OC's:
Name: Milura Kasai
Species: She is a half-wolf, half-husky hybrid.
Height: Same height as Mordecai.
Description: She is mostly a pale silver, with a bushy tail, but she has pure black on her back, the back of her head, arms, and tail, and from the back of her head reaching between her ears to her nose, and the sides of her legs, A.K.A. same places as a husky. She has ice blue eyes.
Clothes: The clothes she always wears are a short-sleeved, light pink tee-shirt, a light blue skirt that comes to her knees, and long, deep pinkish-purple leggings under the skirt. She also wears black, fingerless gloves, and a gold necklace with an iridescent moonstone. She doesn't wear shoes, she just doesn't like them.
Personality: She tends to be a bit shy, and not talk a lot, but can get very aggressive and is provoked easily. She gets very defensive about people she cares for. She can be very dark at times, because she is a bit gothic. She has a strong sense of justice, and while sometimes can be a bit quick to judge, she will never, ever let anyone down on a promise.
Pet: She has a yellow-eyed, red-tailed hawk named Echo. He is very obidient, and has been her compainion for years. She sometimes uses him as a messenger hawk to send messages.
Additional Info: She knows four different fighting styles, tai-kwan-do, kung fu, karate, and jiu jitsu. Her parents were killed in a car accident, and her ten-year old sister, Winter, was murdered by a rat two years afterward, leaving her with no one at only thirteen. She has had to fend for herself since then, but she taught herself how to fight and to survive on her own. Her greatest goal is to find the rat who murdered her sister, and get her revenge. She acts strong, and always seems to be the toughest member of any group, but when she is alone she cries. Whenever it rains, she goes walking alone so no one will see her crying. She does this because it was raining not only when she was told about the fact that her parents were killed in a car accident, but when her sister was murdered. The moonstone necklace she wears is her most prized possesion, it was a birthday gift given to her by her sister, and she never takes it off. She practices meditation to help control her anger.
Secret: She has an extreme phobia of cars, because of how her parents dies in a car accident. She is a bit of an insomniac. She often sneaks out at night and prowls around the city wearing a black mask and cape, and taking justice into her own hands, a vigilante. She does that because she feels that it is her responsibility after what happened to her sister. She sometimes does graffiti, and her graffiti signature is a black rose with a fang through the stem, and blood coming from the cut in the stem.
Species: German Sheperd
Height: Slightly larger than Mordecai.
Description: He is a tannish-brown, muscular German Sheperd with black on his back, the back of his ears, and his tail. He has chocolate-brown eyes.
Clothes: He doesn't wear clothes except for an army-green vest. He wears a black dogtag at all times.
Personality: He is very brave and strong-willed and will stand up for anyone who is in trouble. He is very friendly and kind, and tries to be nice to everyone. He is not very confident in himself, and gets frustrated and defensive easily, but is always honest.
Pet: He does not have a pet.
Additional Info: He used to be in the army. He is fairly handy with mechanics. He can't run fast, but has good stamina, and is extremely strong.
Secret: He has a fear of heights because when he was little he fell off the roof of his house and was in the hospital for a month. He has a secret crush on Milura.
Height: Same size as Rigby.
Description: Ermines are ferret-like, in case you didn't know. In Winter and Fall she is all white with a black tail tip, and in Spring and Summer her fur turns medium brown except for her stomach, which is white. She has bright green eyes. She wears black glasses with rectangular frames.
Clothes: She wears a light lavender shirt, with very pale pink flowers, and a short pink skirt.
Personality: She can be very hyper at times, but very quiet at others, and she has frequent mood swings. She can get really snippy and argumentative, but will always apologize later. She has a good sense of humor and is quick to come up with something funny to lighten the mood.
Pet: She keeps butterflies in a tank.
Additonal Info: She loves reading, and spends a lot of time at the library. She also has a part-time job there. She is really good with computers. She enjoys going for walks in the woods and keeps a garden, but doesn't like camping or anything too outdoorsy. She is an instigator, and gets really wild at a party. She will also get extreme sugar highs. She bites sometimes when she's angry.
Secret: She can't swim, and is extremely afraid of water.