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Joined 11-14-11, id: 3429882, Profile Updated: 05-09-13
Author has written 57 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers, Hunger Games, Sonic the Hedgehog, Kim Possible, Vocaloid, Starsky and Hutch, Lord of the Rings, Pumpkin Scissors/パンプキン・シザーズ, Wrestling, Deadman Wonderland/デッドマン・ワンダーランド, Sherlock, and Avatar: Last Airbender.

Name: Ladyknights104

Hair color: blonde

Hair style: short like Kiku Honda's (aka Japan) from Hetalia

Skin color: pale

Eye color: blue

Height: 5'2''

Weight: 105 lbs

Current Age: 15 years

Greek Zodiac: Virgo

Chinese Zodiac: Ox


-Black tank top

-blue German military jacket (cosplay)

-black cargo pants

-lace up black boots

-black leather gloves

Accessories: necklace with black leather string with a single red gemstone in a silver casing


-scarlet long bow and arrows

-silver dagger in maroon case with golden designs

-ballistic knife (short blade)

Special ability: sorcery

Sanity: insane

Personality: Even I don't have it pinned down

My current OTP: Cenamus

Month one

I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six
I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you are against abortion please re-write this on your profile

FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

"They say 'it' is impossible, but then someone does it and it no longer is. So was it impossible then and just not after? Or was it never impossible to begin with? Remember 'it' is only 'impossible' till someone does it." I don't care if you're diseased with an incurable sickness,everybody deserves a chance.
I don't care if you're ugly or pretty, everybody has flaws.
I don't care if you're black or white, everybody has the same capabilities.
I don't care if you're weird, everybody needs to change.
I don't care if you're rich or poor, everybody needs warmth.
I don't care if you're different, everybody is.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

"Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with

"There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives"

\\\"To be a successful procrastinator you must be a genius because you take what other people do in a course of weeks and mash it all into a couple of hours.\\\" - David S. Clements

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.

Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to make your face frown, BUT,it only takes 4 to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother @#?&! upside the head... Pass it on."

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I'll get in trouble no matter what."

Good friends give you a ride. Close friends buy you a car. Best friends are the getting-away-from-the-scene-of-the-crime driver.

"Flying is merely what happens when you throw yourself at the ground and miss."

A straight line may be the shortest route between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting...

Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

i hate it wen the voices argue wit my imaginary friends

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

"People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual."

How can I think outside of the box, if they won't let me out of it?

Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Being normal is overrated.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

"When all else fails blow shit up."

I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube

Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you!

Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

yo-yos were invented as a weapon

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before. ;)

Yes, I am insane, but every now and then I have these horrible periods of boredom where I have to be normal like you.

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

We're all going to die...but I got a helmet.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

When people don't laugh at our jokes, I don't think of it as a "You had to be there," thing. I think of it as a "You have to be clinically insane like us," thing.

If you ever stop to wonder if you have insane mental problems, then it's already too late for you. It's sad, but true.

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

My day isn't complete until I have freaked out a complete stranger.

We're all pretty bizarre. Some are just better at showing it.

I don't know what my problem is, but I do know its hard to pronounce.

The pen is mightier than the sword; no-one expects you to attack them with a pen.

I could never find another man like you...Hell, half the time I can't even find where I parked the car.

I once gave up anime; it was the most terrifying weekend of my life.

Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Study hard; be evil.

You are NOT a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are made of the same decaying organic matter as everyone else.

You have the right to swing first. However, if you choose to swing first, any move you make can and will be used as an excuse to beat the shit out of you. You have the right to have a doctor and a priest present. If you cannot afford a doctor or are not presently attending a church of your choice, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand what I just told you, Asshole??

After a year in therapy my psychiatrist said to me, "Well, maybe life isn't for everyone."

Evil Minions; not always as useful as one would hope.

Buckle up!! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

That's when I started breaking into people's houses. I didn't steal anything, but I did rearrange their furniture.

You laugh because I'm a little different; I laugh because I rigged your house with explosives.

Seeing Sasuke making funny faces amuses me greatly.

You can't make a person love you...You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

Slinky Escalator = Everlasting fun.

You know, just once I would like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.

I may not look like much, but I'm a pro at pretending to be a ninja.

Beware of women with kunai.

Do Not Disturb: Plotting

Stupid weatherman...Sunny and clear my ass.

"If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

"Oh, good, my dog found the chainsaw." -Lilo (Lilo and Stitch)

People are like slinkies, basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.

When you drink, you get drunk. When you get drunk, you sleep. When you sleep, you commit no sin. So let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

I'm such a REBEL. I leave a message BEFORE the beep.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every last minute of it!!

Kids like us should wear WARNINGS.

Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.

You're a great friend but if the zombies chase us I'm tripping you.

It's shiny and in video game rules, it's important.

I Googled you today and I'm disturbed with what I found.

There's two kinds of people in the world, those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth, and those who don't... We call those last people, dinner.

Stalkers are like your best friends. They just hide behind trees more.

It's a good thing I love you 'cause if I didn't, I'd call the men in white coats on you.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

Why would I steel something that doesn't involve money...? Wait, that didn't come out right. What I meant to say was 'why would I steal something at all'. I'm a good girl.

"An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough." -Colbert

"Don't provoke the lunatic, alright." -Booth (Bones)

Irony: Falling down the stairs due to distraction by the "watch your step" sign.

"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway" -Elbert Hubbard

Careful or you'll end up in my novel.

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. (Unless no one knows that you're responsible for it; then it's probably best to lie low and wait for it to blow over.)

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. (And the lesson is: "Vengeance!")

"The older you get, the sooner it ends."

Insanity is just a word for "eccentric genius"

"i am not insane...i am just looking for the entrance of the kingdom of mayonnaise"

I'm not supposed to make sense! That would defeat the purpose of confusing people!

As I lay in my bed one night, and stare at the stars; I wonder...Where the heck is my ceiling?!

Drive it like you stole it!

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific

We’re not lost. I’m just not quite sure where we are.

I didn’t escape from the mental ward! Those sirens are a complete coincidence!

You have the emotional capacity of this stapler

...not to mention that I went crazy again today.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

Yes, of course I'm perfectly civil, but that's only because I choose to direct my anger towards such fruitful pursuits as plotting your untimely and gruesome death.

Have a nice day, now.


10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

Are you, are you
coming to the tree
where they strung up a man they say murdered three
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree

Are you, are you
coming to the tree
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree

Are you, are you
coming to the tree
Where I told you to run so we'd both be free
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree

Are you, are you
coming to the tree
Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me
Strange things did happen here
No stranger would it be
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree

"A hero has the power to move the world. A true hero has the power to destroy the world but chooses not to despite what the world thinks of them." -Joseph Patrick Lyons

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut're next!''

A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.

''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''

I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''

Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite... one jar.

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.

I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster

My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that calling at this time?' ''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''

I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''

I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

A seal walks into a club...

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Did you know...
1) If you play a trick on someone once, they will fall for it again as long as you keep a good space of time between the incidents
2) No matter how many times you pick your nose, the boogers will never go away.
3) You'll be more popular if you try not to act popular than if you try to act popular.
4) The bigger the house, the bigger the chance of it being haunted.
5) If everyone believes that a wall is not solid, it won't be solid.
6) However, pushing on the wall and saying that it is not solid doesn't help.
7) People will be impressed if you use big words.
8) Teenagers will just stare and try to comprehend it.
(LOL That's so me xD)
9) Saying you're a gangster doesn't really mean your a gangster.
10) Being a nerd may make you unpopular in high school, but in the future you can order Chicken McNuggets from the popular kids.
11) 10 percent of people will leave this alone.
12) 90 percent will repost this just for the heck of it.

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and
a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-
year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys
do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80 percent of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80 percent of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake

>:) This is evil smiley. Evil smiley likes sharp things. Copy and paste Evil Smiley on your profile so he could see the world.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off its orbit" for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

I once read that only math can save us now. Put this in your profile if you're screwed.

24 things to do in an elevator!

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, danggit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.

9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"

11. Meow occasionally.

12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.

16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.

19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'

21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.

24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

If you have a scary crush on a book anime or game character copy and post this into your profile.

If you think that girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.

If you are pure evil with a heart of gold, copy and paste this to your profile. ... How does that work out...?

SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! If you are really random copy and paste this to your profile.

If you or your best friend (or both) is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you're looking at this just because you are looking for junk to copy&paste, copy this onto your profile.

If you don't believe life is fair...copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile.

If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if your trying to be an Author.

If your a CHOC AHOLIC -TALK AHOLIC -OR A-SHOP AHOLIC then copy and paste this!

If you agree that it is SO unfair that all good looking guys are either: in your head, in a manga, a vampire, taken, or two or three of the above, copy and past this on your profile

If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, (actually I have) Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki (I do all the time!), WeaselChick, Celyna ( I fall up the steps to school every time I go up them... sadly...), SSAHC, Koki-chan (Everyday, I think my stairs are cursed), Majickal (over at my mom's friend's house...which was very embarrassing because I almost broke my nose), Neassa (let's not get into it...), Kimiko, EdElricFan1001, Ritsuka Elric, LUNAR-W0LF (Hehe... I do that everywhere...), TheNextAliceOwO (HAHAHA My friend and I did it TWICE at the same time on the same day)CosplayGirl12(i did it after i read this!!!!XDDD), ladyknights104 (evry day on my way to Biology and Geometry...f*cking sciences)

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, weather it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile.

When she stares at your mouth,
Kiss her.

When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb-ass it's because she thinks shes
stronger than you,
Grab her and don't let go.

When she starts cursing at you trying to act all tough
Kiss her and tell her you love her.

When she's quiet,
Ask her whats wrong.

When she ignores you,
Give her your attention.

When she pulls away,
Pull her back.

When you see her at her worst,
Tell her she's beautiful.

When you see her start crying,
Just hold her and don't say a word.

When you see her walking,
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

When she's scared
Protect her.

When she steals your favorite hoodie,
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

When she teases you,
Tease her back and make her laugh.

When she doesn't answer for a long time,
reassure her that everything is okay.

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up.

When she says that she loves you,
she really does more than you can understand.

When she grabs at your hands,
Hold hers and play with her fingers.

When she bumps into you,
bump into her back and make her laugh.

When she tells you a secret,
keep it safe and untold.

When she looks at you in your eyes,
don't look away until she does.

When she reposts this bulletin,
she wants you to read it.

- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.

- When she says she's ok don't believe it.

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her.

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

-When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

- Let her know she's important.

- Don't talk about other girls around her

- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is:

"Whose butt am I kicking baby?"

"When she's lonely, visit her to keep her company or else some other boy will get to her."

Guys post as: "I'd be this Boyfriend."

Girls post as: "A real boyfriend."


They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God

It's always the last place you look...well of course it is, why would I keep looking after I found it?

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30, and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then?

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

It's ok to argue with two characters on your shoulders.

'You know what! Earth sucks, I’m going home.'

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Never drink water...if it can rust iron, think of what it can do to your stomach.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?

If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile.

And now I ask: what is wrong with worshipping anime characters?

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from
strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Crazy is a relative term in my family!

How is it possible to have a civil war?

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

All the good ones are either dating someone, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the SWAT team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. -

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you can laugh at the saddest part in an anime by making fun of the animation or someones oblvious dissision. Crazy is when you stare at a penciland laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of all the characters in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you wirte Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of actually doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab seperators in your binder with doodles/love notes/ confessions of love/ any other Twilight realted thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you are at just by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out all the Twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you have a folder in your backpack full of pictures (drawn and computer generated) for the Twilight series, and have all the playlist songs on your iPod. Crazy is when you walk into a store, walk around in duckie robes that are sold there, and take pictures of you and your friends doing crazy things (wearing cat beds on you head or kissing garden statues of frogs) until closing time. NONONO CRAzY is when, you and your cousins see a guy of a Four-wheeler and chase him away form the yard your in! Crazy would definatley be when you make out with a pillow, imaginin it was Ikuto! Crazy is when you see a guy by the deli who looks like Edward so you stick your head out the car roof window and scream at him, "HEY! WHERES YOUR VOLVO!? CALL ME WHEN YOU FIND IT, WE CAN TALK!" nononono ur all wrong crazy is when you watch and read every shugo chara! thing ever made, and when ikuto appears on the screen or on the page, you lick him!! / If you're crazy, copy this into your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

1. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

2. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

3. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

4. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

5. When you are confused, I will use little words.

6. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

7. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?

Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

Why is verb a noun?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we're already there?

Why is it called after dark when really it's after light?

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us...

cAN yOU rEaD ThiS??

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

Well Congrats If You can!!

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.

If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune...

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder.

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.

If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think/know you're stalked by fictional characters (from books/movies/imaginary friends/'ghosts of the mind'/etc.) Copy and paste .

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid butt.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

God created man before creating woman, because you need a rough draft
before creating a masterpiece.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friends.
Dogs are man’s best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Single women complain that all good men are married, while all married
women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no
such thing as a good man.

What’s the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.

What’s the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

(゚、 。 7
l、 ヽ

Yaaaay kitty!

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

"Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that."

"When life gives you lemons, chuck them at the people you hate."

"It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with."

"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do,kill me?"

" Life isn't about how many breathes you take, It's about how many moments that take your breath away"

"One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching."

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."

"Just because I'm cute doesn't mean im nice."

"Education is important, school however, is another matter."

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more."

"Don’t mess with me I've got a stick."

"Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable."

"If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving."

"1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you."

Good Friend VS Best Friend

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, "You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend picks up your papers in the hallways at school when you drop them. A best friend stands there and laughs while you scramble to pick them up.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days and then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad... here's a tissue."

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'm home!"

A good friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.

A good friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A good friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life!!

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue

2. All idiots after reading this will try it

3. The first truth is a lie.

4.You are now laughing at your own stupidity

5. You will put this on your profile

6. You still have a stupid smile on your face

I tried this, and I felt like a total idiot after!

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

"If you love Shugo Chara post this in your profile!"

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hate obnoxious ,snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've gotten completly zoned out of a converstation that you don't even remember what you were talking about copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever got zoned out for more than five minutes copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are bored copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think that looks don't matter (well most of the time you think that) copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are an absolute anime freak then copy and paste this onto your profile.

Its your happy ending

Thats what they all say

But, its not your happy ending

Its your new beginning

Tsukiyomi Soul Supporter!!

Amuto: Destroying the Dreams of Tadamu since 2006

FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.

Anime 4ever!

People are like books. They sit on the shelf and go on with their lives but there will always be that one person who takes a certain book off the shelf to see what's inside to know to acknowledge to feel to love all of what's inside.

Courage is what I need,

Hope is still with me,

I must work hard and succeed,

For I will not flee.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take - but by the places and moments that take our breath away! Anonymous

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .sSS... ... ..sS... ... ... ... ... ... ... .
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sSSS? ... ... .s..sS ... ... ... ... ... .
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSS. ... .sS.. sSS.. ... ... ... ... ... ... .
... ... ... ... ... ... ..sSSSS.. ... .sS.. .SS . ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... . SSSSS... ... ... sS... S.. ... ... ... ... ... ... .
... ... ... ... S. ... .SSSSSSs ... ... .sS... ,
... ... ... ...sS. ... SSSSSSSs. ... .SSS.. ... .
... ... ... ... SS ... .SSSSSSs.. ... SSs ,
... ... ... ...S. ... .SSSSSSSs .sSSS.. ... ..
... ... ... ... SS... ... SSSSS..SSSS... s
... ... ... ... SSs ... ...SSSSSSSSS ... sS
... ... ... ... .SSs... ... ..SSSSSsSSSS ... sSS
... ... ... ..s...SSSS ... ..sSSSSSSSS. ..s SS
... ... ... .SS.. sSSSS..sSSSSSSSSSSSSS S
... ... ...sSSSssssSSSSSSSSSSsssssssSSS
... ... SSssSSSSsSS
... ...sSs
... ..s... ...
... ... ..0... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..

Put this on your channel
if you are one of the
11 that still
loves ROCK music

Why do we ((sleep)) in church,
But stay ((awake)) through a 2 hour movie?
Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about God,
but so ((easy)) to Gossip?


1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the tv.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.

11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.

It is said, by an ancient Chinese belief, that from the moment you are born you are tied to the person you are meant to be with. Tied together by a red thread, the red thread of fate. The thread can be twisted, pulled, and stretched, but it can never break. It is possible to fall for the wrong person, and eventually the relationship will fail, but if you are meant to be with that person then things will always work out.

We say we love flowers, we pluck them. We say we love trees, we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when they are told they are loved.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat so that's not my problem."

I laugh once! Ha! I laugh twice! Ha Ha! I laugh thrice!

Life is random, well guess what? SO AM I!!

Who else hates chain letters? I hate chain letters! They annoy the crap outta me! I mean, I don't care if some dead girl shows up in my room at midnight trying to kill me, i'll just shoot her and go back to bed.

I may not look like much, but im a pro at pretending to be a ninja!

One word: Chocolate.

"It is not that war creates monsters, it is that war brings out the monsters that are already hidden inside."

"When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say."
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." "It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose."
"Perfect the art of looking innocent... then you can get away with anything."
When you're right no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one ever forgets.
Learn the rules so you can break them properly.

"There comes a time in every person's life where they want to do nothing more than to throw their hands up in the air, screw honesty, and yell, 'Pirate!'

The only thing we have to FEAR, is FEAR ITSELF...and spiders
Should I smile because we're friends...or cry because we'll never be anything more?
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out One side of my brain is gone, and the other side's out looking for it Girls are like phones. We love to be held, and talked to. But if you press the wrong button, you'll be disconnected!
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures.

GoNe InSaNe... Be BaCk LaTeR

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (oh no! but that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On another hairdryer: "Do not use while in the shower." (yeah...this one makes sense!)

On a bag of Fritos! "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh?!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a packet of smoked salmon: "Warning. May contain fish." (well, no freaking duh.)

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

If you can't convince them, confuse them

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes...but we love them anyways

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

I apologize, do you want me to mean it too?

So what I’ve got a smile on, but it’s hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.

Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face.

Education is that which remains when one has forgotten everything learned in school.

A person is able to become truly strong when they wish to protect someone they cherish

Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.

Deja vu: The feeling that, somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.

That which does not kill me had better run fast.

You can't be late until you show up

The early bird catches the worm, but the late worm doesn't get eaten.

Courage is born where faith and fear collide

It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort

Rules aren't meant to be broken, the are meant to be shattered at the speed of sound

This is not a toy, it's a distraction

I have a life, its kept in a jar on my shelf

ღ ღ ღ

Put this on your
profile if you love
ღ ღღ

If you're addicted to anime,copy & paste this into your profile.(So addicted, it's not even funny)

If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you KNOW the voices in your head are real, copy and paste this to your profile!

If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away then remembered, copy this into your profile.

If you have a really bad memory, copy and...what was I doing again?

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you don't fit the description of the non-existent word of 'normal', then put this into your profile right now!!

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination, copy and paste into your profile

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your cell phone, copy and paste this into your profile

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile

If you have ever threatended inanimate objects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If sometimes you just read and tune the people around you out, copy and paste this into your profile

If sometimes you got in trouble by your teacher for reading in class, copy and paste this to your profile

20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1:At lunch time, sit in you car with sunglasses on and point a hair dry at passing cars; see if they slow down

2:Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.

3:Every time some one asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that

4:Put you garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"

5:Put Decaf in the coffee maker(home or work), When everyone gets over their caffeine addiction switch to espresso

6:In your memo book, on all your checks put "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS"

7:Finish all your sentences with" In Accordance To The Prophecy"

8:Don't use any punctuation

9:As often as possible, skip instead of walking

10:Order diet water whenever you go out with a serious face

11:Specify that your drive thru order is "TO GO"

12:Sing along at the opera

13:Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

14:Put mosquito netting around your work area(or room) and play tropical sounds all day

15: 5 days in advance, tell your friend that you can't go to their party cause you don't 'feel like it'

16: Have friends or coworkers address you by your wrestling name

17:When the cash comes out of the ATM yell " I WON, I WON"

18:When exiting the Zoo start running toward the parking lot yelling " Run for your lives they're loose"

19:Tell your children, or younger sibling that "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"

20: And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity is... Copy this and put it on your profile

Everyone is weird. So you have to be at least a little weird to be normal, right? If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you're reading this instead of doing something you really need to do, copy this into your profile.

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?


1. Get 24 bottles of shampoo and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
"'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

FRIENDS:will try to get rid of a brain freeze for you.
BEST FRIENDS: will sit back and laugh.

put this
(o)on ur page
if u like music


I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister

is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

This is really sweet...

When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.

The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.

The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.".


Page If
Down The stairs

98 Of Teenagers Say "I Love You" And Don't Mean it. If You Are The 2 That Does, Then Copy And Paste This In Your Profile.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me beautiful, what happened to you?"

"I'm like a butterfly, pretty to see, but hard to catch."

"When I first saw you I was afraid to talk to you.

When I first talked to you I was afraid to like you.

When i first liked you i was afarid to love you.

Now that I love you I m afraid to lose you."

If you have every tripped on a flat surface (you have skill), copy and paste this into your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P!

I believe in Christ as my saviour. If you do too, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever spent a long amount of time looking for something that you were holding/wearing, copy this to your profile

If you absolutely LOVE anime, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you had ever gotten writer's block in a sudden and random moment, copy this to your profile.

If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste.

If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile.

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is plotting world domination,copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like fire and fireworks and explosions and things that go boom, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you love ice cream, copy this and paste this into your profile.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress.

Insanity is perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who does know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who don't know what the heck is happening.

I'M A SMIDIOT (smart-idiot) AND PROUD OF IT! If you are a smidiot, paste this on your profile.

If you've ever laughed and couldn't stop yourself from laughing for the next few minutes, copy and paste this.

If you hate it when those pretty sissy girls get all the attention and the tough girls are ignored then copy and paste this into your profile

If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten a lock (like one on a locker) and put it on something, then forgot the combination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

If your different in a good way put this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT! If that's ever happened to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. (BOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!)

If you're easily confussed or confuzzled add this to your profile.

If you have weird friends put this on your profile.

90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you ever felt the need to stop copying and posting these things but just can't help but keep it up, copy and paste this to your profile

I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

We're best friends. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a bridge, I laugh harder and call out before you die, "WAIT, CAN I HAVE YOUR iPOD?!."

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

Your misery=My joy.

The question should never be why. It should always be why not.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

Is there another word for synonym?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Dream as if you’ll live forever… Live as if you die today.'

Common sense is the enemy of comedy.'

'Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART.'

'Knowledge is power; power is the root of all evil. Therefore studying must be evil.'

'I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!'

'There are very few problems that can not be solved using a large amount of explosives.'

'I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die'

'If you laugh I will laugh. If you cry I will cry and if you jump out a window I will laugh.'

'What is this 'kindness' you speak of?'

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's even funnier!

'Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking.'

'Define normal.'

And now I ask: what is wrong with worshipping anime characters?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

When life gives you lemons, Throw them back and tell it to give you what you asked for.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

He who laughs last thinks slowest

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good

I'm not as dumb as you look

Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

It's always darkest before if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the tme to do it.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.

Stupid is just a 5 letter word.

Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice.

No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.

If UFO's are supposed to be so intelligent, then why have they abducted humans?

Anyone who says "As easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

That that is, is. That that is not, is not. That that is is not that that is not, and that that is not is not that that is.

If you got a problem, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.

Work is blackmail for survival.

Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.

When all else fails, use duct tape.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

If... The Jonas Brothers were standing on the top of an eighteen story building, 95 out of 100 girls would be standing there screaming and crying. Copy and paste this into your profile you're the 5 that would be dragging a lawn chair over there with popcorn and some soda, shrieking: "Jump! Jump"


Even when you can’t see Him, GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree(or not), copy this and put it in your profile.

If you can think of at least one person you would like to push down a well copy this into your profile.

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

Love your enemies. It makes them so mad. - P.D. East

All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. - Robert Brault

There comes a time when life stops giving you stuff and starts taking them away.


Absence makes the heart grow fonder. - William Shakespeare

It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it... In our hands. - Jaka

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

He who is not impatient is not in love.

To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world.

I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.

Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart. - Robert Sexton

Falling in love is awfully simple, but falling out of love is simply awful.

LOVE: We think about it, Sing about it, Dream about it & Loose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define & IMPOSSIBLE to live without.

"Dare to be different, but be okay with the similarities." -??

"Who cares is cared for." -??

"I'm not weird, I just have a personality unlike you." -??

"Love is like a rumor: everybody talks about it...but nobody truly knows what it is" -??

"Falling in love doesn't fall by itself. There is always a desire to take the plunge. Just make sure that love sticks around, to pick you up when you fall." -??

"And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star. And when the night winds start to sing a lonesome lullaby, it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky. Somewhere out there, if love can see us through then, we'll be together ... Somewhere out there, out where dreams, come true." -??

"So I went with 'uhhhhhh' which is like a concerned moan." -Dane Cook.

"I am the cobra commander in this-RRRRRR! I SAID NO COOKIES!" -Dane Cook.

"I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food." -Bruce From the movie 'Nemo'

"Look! -shoots- An undead monkey! Top that!" -Captain Jack Sparrow

Set in a general THAT WAY direction." -Captain Jack Sparrow

"Now where is that monkey I need to shoot something!" -Captain Jack Sparrow

"Dont touch my dirt." -Captain Jack Sparrow

"Great i'm being followed by rocks now..." -Captain Jack Sparrow

"We must fight, to run away!" -Captain Jack Sparrow

"Open up your mind, let the fantasies unwind"-Music of the Night , Phantom of the Opera


The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can’t get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. -Yul Brynner

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like? -Jean Cocturan

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough. -Les Dawson

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce. -Mark Twain

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who
haven’t what they want that they don’t want it. -Ogden Nash

I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens. -Unknown

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target. -Ashleigh Brilliant

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is. -E. DeGeners

They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. -Milton Berle

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”
Milton Berle

Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
Steven Weinberg

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

If things get any worse, I’ll have to ask you to stop helping me.

Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill

The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.
Thomas Paine

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.
Aimee Mullins

Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls can flirt.

Ask no questions. Hear nor lies.

If you can make a girl laugh – you can make her do anything.
Marilyn Monroe

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Yogi Berra

The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Yogi Berra

If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.
George Globol

I both love and do not love and am mad and not mad.

I got caught kissing, like by my parents. It was so horrible. It’s so embarrassing, I’m blushing.

TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Ann Landers

Cheese, wine, and a friend must be old to be good.
Cuban Proverb

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working with one.
Bill Gates

Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium – my work here is done.

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
Peter F. Drucker

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.
Sue Murphy

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Yogi Berra

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
Dave Allen

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Carl Gustav Jung

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.

Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

In the primary school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside of the class as a punishment.

Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.

If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my a$$.

Teacher ends the class early with “okay that’s enough for today; I need to update my face-book status.

Congrats on getting married… (Inside card) – It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
Henny Youngman

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say “I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER.”.
William S. Burroughs

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

Don’t you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.
Hell’s angels

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.

May I be excused? My brain is full.

Why go to college? There’s Google.

Kids are like farts. You don’t mind your own, but other peoples are unbearable.

I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.” And I said, “I am.”
Demetri Martin

Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! I downloaded it for free!

Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It’s too crowded.
Yogi Berra

Some guy hit my fender and I said “be fruitful and multiply” but not in those words.
Woody Allen

This girl rang me up one time, she says “come over, nobody is home”, I went over, no one was home!

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in the zoo, don’t be mad, i’ll be there, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost

When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
Rodney Dangerfield

Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.
Will Smith

Nothing improves the memory more than trying to forget.

I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don’t.
Scott Adams

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

A woman drove me to drink – and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her.
W.C. Fields

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say No in any of them.
Dorothy Parker

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Groucho Marx

A drunk mans words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Steve Fergosi

How do you feel about women’s rights? I like either side of them.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.
Robert A. Heinlein

Smile: if you can’t lift the corners, let the middle sag.

Ten percent of something is better than 100% of nothing.

I don’t have a license to kill. I have learners permit!

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
Rita Rudner

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
Oscar Wilde

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
WC Fields

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window.
Robert Paul

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

I don’t kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, ‘Whoa, I’m way too high!’
Bruce Baum

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; “Mommy, you need to buy another baby”.

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

Don’t steal, don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition!

Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes outta their mouth is shit.

I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen

Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they’re seeing?
James Roday

Learn from your parents’ mistakes – use birth control!

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
H. L. Mencken

There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.

I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter!

Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.
G K Chesterton

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
Oscar Wilde

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Aristotle Onassis

Promises are like babies…Fun to make but hell to deliver.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.
Golda Meir

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.
Mae West

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.
Jim Carrey

Allow me to put the record straight. I am forty-six and have been for some years past.
Erica Jong

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

The less we know, the longer the explanation.

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
Robert Louis Stevenson

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Benjamin Franklin

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good, either.

It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers

I’ve got problem for your solution.

Where there is plenty of wine, sorrow and worry take wing.

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn’t stand for that.
Steve Martin

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
Joan Rivers

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Albert Einstein

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it.
Bob Hope

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
Mark Twain

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.
Jean Cocteau

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Winston Churchill

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Robert McCloskey

Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Oscar Wilde

I’m afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.
Woody Allen

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
Walter Matthau

A Person who can explain color to Blind Man can explain any thing In Life.

I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can’t trick you.
Judge Judy

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an …
Ellen DeGeneres

Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Homer Simpson

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic and so am I.
Bill Murray

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they’re going to catch you in next.
Franklin P. Jones

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable, we find it necessary to change it every six months.
Oscar Wilde

I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
Oscar Levant

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Carol Burnett

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Steven Wrigh

Don’t brake until you see god, then brake like hell.

My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
Stephen Wright

As marriage produces children, so children produce care and disputes; and wrangling.
Mary Wortley Montagu

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
Lord Byron

My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.

So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.
Billie Holiday

It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in
Bob Hope

Death is nature’s way of saying, Your table’s ready.
Robin Williams

Did you ever think that making a speech on economy is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.
Lyndon Johnson

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
James Thurber

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.

A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
Franoise Sagan

Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.
Samuel Goldwyn

Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills . . . Making the last car payment.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life!

Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
E. B. White

A little greed can get you lots of stuff.

The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.
Will Rogers

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson

Don’t think of death as an ending. Rather, think of it as a really effective way of reducing your expenses.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called ‘brightness’, but it doesn’t work.

Don’t question GOD, as he may say, if you are so eager for answers, then please come up.

Life is too complicated in the morning.

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Robert Bloch

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That’s like a free compliment and you don’t even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin

A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
Steven Wright

For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.
Elizabeth Blackwell

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
Jim Morrison

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
E. B. White

Beauty fades . . . dumb is forever.
Judge Judy

Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.

Don’t Mess With Me; You Don’t Want To End Up Under My Patio Do You?

I have finally been diagnosed…!!! I have a serious condition known as “Awesomeness” but don’t worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!

I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive, but they say suicide is a crime.

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland

I hate work. That’s why I got married.
Peg Bundy

Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there’s Google.

Due to lack of interest, tomorrow has been cancelled.
Author Unknown

Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.
Ashleigh Brilliant

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking,
But a wise man tells her she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed!

The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
Dwight Morrow

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I’m sure they’re decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.
Robert De Niro

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want,
drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
Mark Twain

I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra

By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.
George Burns

In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ‘em to fuck with you.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained.
John Boswell

All you future Google Whores might want to pay attention to what I’m about to reveal.
John Chow

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Benjamin Franklin

A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?
Mickey Rooney

A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Woody Allen

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
Mark Twain

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard.

Money is the root of all of my wealth.

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common?
A: They can both drive you crazy.

Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest tits in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears?
Dinner at Hooters.

Yo mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick.

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

Q: Why did the dick go to the 7-11?
A: To get a slurpee.

Why is 77 better than 69? 'Cause you get 8 more!

What is 6.9? A really great thing ruined by a damn period.

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

Q: What comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed.
"Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien."
Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?"
"All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"
Ted responds, "Carl."

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Warming up your dinner."

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads down to the club to apply. The receptionist looks at him skeptically and asks him how large his dick is. "18 inches," he replies, proudly. To his surprise, the receptionist begins laughing uncontrollably, and the man leaves in shame. On the way out, he runs into the janitor, who asks him what's wrong. After he explains, he says to the man not to worry.
"See that lump in my sock?" The man nods. "And I'm just the janitor."

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

"No!" yells the blonde.

Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?"

The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

Q: Why was the suicide bomber disappointed when he met his 72 virgins?
A: He blew off his penis.

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.

Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

You know that you're an anime freak when...
1) You blow half your salary/allowance restocking your anime hoard

2) Got cable just for AXN

3) Hate ABS-CBN and GMA for bastardizing excellent anime

4) But anime memorabilia

5) Look for others of your ilk (searching for more anime freaks)

6) more than half of your total posts in PEx are in this forum

-on your Japanese test, when asked for the definition of "gohan" (meal/rice) you answer 'Son of Goku'
-You're taking Japanese so you won't have to read freaking subtitles all the time
-You know the ENTIRE Haruhi/Lucky Star dance
-You own a Death Note
-Whenever you see a Honda, your first thought is "TOHRU!!!"
-You've written fanfiction

WWE: 40 Ways You Know You're a Big Pro Wrestling Fan

Your Fourth of July tradition is to play Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song while barbecuing.

2. When you see a co-worker crying, you shrug it off and think "it's probably just an angle."

3. You refer to every sports game as "a work."

4. You play Triple H's theme song every day on your way to work.

5. You refer to the TV as the "Titan Tron."

6. When you discovered that a friend of yours had stolen something of value from you, you explain to others that "he turned heel on me."

7. You refer to your ex as "the Jannetty of the relationship"

8. After a two-week vacation from work, you predict that when you return, you will have "ring rust."

9. When someone does a good deed, you dismiss it as "just trying to get over with the crowd."

10. If you are let go from your job, you tell friends and family that you were "future endeavored."

11. When you have a yard sale, you refer to the merchandise displayed as "the gimmick table."

12. You refer to neighborhood kids as "Little Jimmies."

13. Instead of telling people you have the day off, you say "I'm not booked."

14. When you trip or drop something, you refer to it as "a botch."

15. When a fan disrupts a baseball game, by running around the field, you refer to it as a "run-in."

16. You refer to a promotion at work as "getting a push."

17. When watching politicians make their speeches, you refer to it as "the cheap pop."

18. You refer to the Human Resources department as "Talent Relations."

19. You call the area before your front door the "Gorilla Position."

20. Your wife tells you she wants a divorce. You respond by asking "is this a work or shoot?"

21. When you find out the divorce is for real, your friends ask how you took the news. You tell them you were sad, but "no-sold it."

22. You refer to the newspaper as "the dirt sheet."

23. When people laugh at your jokes, you refer to that as getting "a good pop."

24. When you feel yourself getting tired at work, in order to make it through the day, you begin to "Hulk Up."

25. When people don't laugh at your jokes, you refer to them as "a heel crowd."

26. If you deliberately get fired from your job for poor performance, you explain to your friends that you "just killed the territory."

27. When your friends are laughing at a TV show, you tell them to "quit marking out."

28. Instead of saying "I'm going to sleep" you instead say "I'm tapping out."

29. You refer to your boss as "the booker man."

30. On message boards, your location is listed as "Parts Unknown."

31. At the busy shopping mall, you motion to another car that they can have the parking space, only to hit the gas and beat them to it. You refer to this as a "great swerve."

32. You refer to your last snack of the day as "the go-home snack."

33. While searching for a new job, you tell friends that your planning to "jump ship."

34. Thanks to Nikolai Volkoff, you can easily recite the Russian National Anthem.

35. You sometimes wear a mask while doing yard work, to throw off your neighbors.

36. When shopping at Home Depot or Lowe's, looking at Ladders brings a smile to your face

37. You refer to athletes as "heels" and "faces."

38. After being bothered by a Telemarketer, you tell friends "I cut a great promo on him."

39. When you get into an argument with your girlfriend, you explain to your friends that "my girl's got some heat with me."

40. After your order has been taken at the Drive-Thru, the clerk asks if that completes your order. You respond by yelling "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

WWE: 35 More Ways You Know You're a Big Wrestling Fan

1. You ask friends if you can apply various wrestling holds on them. They always decline, but you still apply them.

2. You have "Hustle Loyalty Respect" tattooed on your belly.

3. You refer to drug testing at work as "The Wellness Policy."

4. Family gatherings typically take place when WWE House Shows are in town.

5. You refer to your college years as "kinda like the Attitude Era."

6. On Halloween, you once dressed up as 1995-era Shawn Michaels, complete with chaps and leather hat. Your life hasn't been the same since.

7. You recently purchased the WCW Slam Jam album.

8. The only thing you know about Canada is that Bret Hart lives there.

9. You refer to family night as "Hell in a Cell."

10. You're good friends with the "It's Still REAL to me Damn It!" guy.

11. You make YouTube videos showing off your wrestling collection.

12. You're no stranger to doing the Randy Orton pose, when feeling accomplished.

13. You voted for Linda McMahon.

14. You made your own Shockmaster mask, using glitter and a Storm Trooper helmet.

15. "Jive Soul Bro" is in heavy rotation on your iPod.

16. You know what the "Plane Ride from Hell" is.

17. You still get good use out of your Hulk Hogan workout tape.

18. The Great Khali's entrance music is your current ringtone.

19. Your anxiously anticipating the release of No Holds Barred on DVD.

20. You like to quietly walk up behind people, and yell "DAMN!" really loud.

21. For your grandma's 82nd Birthday, you gave her a German suplex.

22. Your Facebook profile pic, features you holding your WWE replica Championship.

23. You were once the subject of an intervention. You claimed it wasn't fair, and referred to it as a "Handicap Match."

24. You recently purchased Kung Pao Chicken, and or Fruity Pebbles cereal.

25. You teach your friends how to do the "Juke" like Junkyard Dog.

26. Working overtime is also referred to as "working an Iron Man."

27. The majority of your bedroom is filled with wrestling merchandise.

28. To entertain friends at work, you sip water and spray it like Triple H.

29. Friday is typically known as "Last Man Standing."

30. You announce your "retirement" when you leave message boards or other social media.

31. You and your co-workers, often compete by seeing who can do the most work, in the least amount of time. You refer to this as the "Beat the Clock Challenge."

32. You got a "YES!" chant started on your recent trip to the dentist.

33. When you need some motivation, you go on YouTube and watch this

34. You refer to your first job as "kinda like ECW."

35. You explain to your friends why Tim Tebow has "X-Pac Heat."

WWE: 25 More Ways You Know You're a Big Wrestling Fan

1. When "Pomp and Circumstance" plays at graduations, all you can think about is "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

2. You wear your mom's bath robe around the house and imitate Ric Flair. Wooooo!

3. When your grandpa comes over to visit, you annoy him by repeatedly saying "What?" whenever he says something.

4. When you walk through the door at work, the first thing you do is kneel down and yell "It's Clobberin Tiiiiiiiime!"

5. You call everyone "fella."

6. When you girlfriend says she wants to break up with you, you tell her to "Rise Above the Hate."

7. Instead of saying you tripped and fell, you say "I took a bump."

8. You actually know what JR's Barbeque sauce is.

9. You mess with telemarketers by telling them "I'm a gooooooood R-Truth."

10. An easy day at work or school is considered a "squash."

11. On your wedding day, instead of saying "I Do" you instead say "Oooooooo yeeeeah."

12. Not only do you still own an Ultimate Warrior still wear the Ultimate Warrior jacket.

13. While waiting in line at the grocery store, you decide to entertain everyone by swirling your hips like Rick Rude.

14. You got a "Yes!" chant going at church.

15. When customers arrive, you tell your co-worker friends to "kayfabe."

16. Friday, your boss tells you that you have finally received a promotion and raise. You celebrate with friends all weekend. On Monday, you return to work and your boss tells you that he's sorry, but he wont be able to fulfill his promise. You later tell friends it was "The Dusty Finish."

17. You celebrate every March 16 as Stone Cold Day...Like this guy.

18. You refer to your relationship as "the Survivor Series."

19. Instead of saying you had a bad day, you say "It was a real slobberknocker."

20. You entertain friends by performing a spin-a-roonie.

21. You do the "You can't see me" hand gesture to authority figures.

22. You wear the replica LOD shoulder pads when doing yard work.

23. When your boss says he would like to see you in his office, you respond by telling him to "Just Bring It."

24. You tried to make a replica Chris Jericho jacket, by using the bedazzler and Christmas lights.

25. When your grandma comes to visit, you greet her by applying the claw hold.

You Might be a Star Wars Fan If...

1. You've ever quoted one of the characters without realizing it.

2. You've ever spent all your paycheck/allowance on Star Wars.

3. You camped out in line for AOTC or TPM.

4. Your room would be practically empty if your Star Wars collection was gone.

5. You go Trick-or-Treating as a Star Wars character every year.

6. You've sent Robin Gurland a letter.

7. You could tell someone a character's entire biography and all their quotes in the movies, but you don't have a clue about the 'real world'.
(note: If someone knows what this 'real world' thing I keep hearing about is, please email me)

8. You could name 10 Star Wars websites off the top of your head.

9. You accidently call a gun a blaster.

10. You can't resist using anything long and skinny as a lightsaber. (ie. flashlight, stick, umbrella, etc.)

11. You know George Lucas's address, but not your own.

12. You could quote all the current episodes.

13. You could look at anything and find something Star Warsy about it.

14. You've ever been called 'narrow-minded' because of your obsession.

15. You're fan rank is "Obsessive, die-hard, hard-core Star Wars fanboy/fangirl freak".

16. Your wardrobe consists of Star Wars costumes and Star Wars shirts and hats.

17. You've ever listened to a Star Wars soundtrack and could tell what part of the movie it's at, who's in that scene, and all the quotes in that scene.

18. You're wallpaper is either screenthemes or Star Wars.

19. You're screensaver is Star Wars.

20. The people at the toy store/comic book store/software store/book store know you by name.

21. You've ever been sent after something in a store you've never been in before and accidently end up at the Star Wars stuff.

22. You enter a store for the first time and find the Star Wars stuff immediately without hardly looking.

23. You can tell the difference between Hasbro and Kenner action figures.

24. You jump anyone who says something remotely wrong. ("It's pronounced Obi-Wan, not Obi-Wan.")

25. You started you EP III countdown on May 16, 2002.

26. You were at Midnight Madness.

27. You got in trouble with the police for 'disturbing the peace' on May 16th.

28. You're an adult and still have Star Wars sheets.

29. You cried when your favorite character was killed. (if they're still alive, be thankful...)

30. You've seen AOTC more then 5 times.

31. You've written at least one fanfic.

32. You've ever been called "the Star Wars fan" by someone who's forgotten your name.

33. You know your Star Wars name and have picked out a Star Wars address.

34. You can speak a Star Wars language fluently/almost fluently/pretty well. (H'chu apenkie! Gutan anolia!)

35. You can read and write Aurebesh.

36. People have trouble finding you a Star Wars gift because they can't remember what you already have.

37. You've ever sent the people at an email correcting something.

38. You have over 5 Cargo Bay 'Have' pages.

39. You know where all the 1138 and 327 references are in the movies. (btw, if you found them in ROTJ and/or AOTC, email me)

40. You know the meaning of 1138 and 327.

41. Your website is over 50% Star Wars.

42. You're a member of the 501st Squadron.

43. You have a Star Wars hair do/cut. ("Leia buns? Well, they're hard to keep in place, but they're easy to make." -Me)

44. You scream when the power goes out while you're watching an episode.

45. You get a job at the theater so you can see AOTC more/cheaper.

46. You don't see other movies in the theater for fear they'll top Star Wars in the box-office.

47. You've ever gotten into a fight with a Trekkie.

48. You hate Titanic.

49. Someone tells you they have a surprise for you and you're first thought is Star Wars.

50. The only way to punish you is to take away your Star Wars movies.

51. You sat in shock after seeing the Clone Wars trailer.

52. Your job is Star Wars related.

53. You went to see a movie in the theater only to walk out after the Star War trailer was over.

54. You cover the Star Trek magazines with Star Wars Insider everytime you're in a store.

55. You plan your calander around Star Wars.

56. You emailed the Imax theater nearest every week to ask if they were getting AOTC.

57. You see a movie and think you like it until the Star Trek reference pops up, then you dislike it. (*cough*Time Machine*cough*)

58. You've started saving money now for Celebration III.

59. You've flown overseas to see a new episode a day earlier.

60. You read this in hopes you were over half the descriptions on this page.

61. You named/are planning to name your kids after Star Wars characters.

62. Your significant other has ever been jealous because of your obsession with a Star Wars character.

63. You have a Star Wars license plate.

64. You've had more then 5 Star Wars dreams.

65. is your homepage.

1. You've ever quoted one of the characters without realizing it.
2. You've ever spent all your paycheck/allowance on Star Wars.

3. You camped out in line for AOTC or TPM.

4. Your room would be practically empty if your Star Wars collection was gone.

5. You go Trick-or-Treating as a Star Wars character every year.

6. You've sent Robin Gurland a letter.

7. You could tell someone a character's entire biography and all their quotes in the movies, but you don't have a clue about the 'real world'.
(note: If someone knows what this 'real world' thing I keep hearing about is, please email me)

8. You could name 10 Star Wars websites off the top of your head.

9. You accidently call a gun a blaster.

10. You can't resist using anything long and skinny as a lightsaber. (ie. flashlight, stick, umbrella, etc.)

11. You know George Lucas's address, but not your own.

12. You could quote all the current episodes.

13. You could look at anything and find something Star Warsy about it.

14. You've ever been called 'narrow-minded' because of your obsession.

15. You're fan rank is "Obsessive, die-hard, hard-core Star Wars fanboy/fangirl freak".

16. Your wardrobe consists of Star Wars costumes and Star Wars shirts and hats.

17. You've ever listened to a Star Wars soundtrack and could tell what part of the movie it's at, who's in that scene, and all the quotes in that scene.

18. You're wallpaper is either screenthemes or Star Wars.

19. You're screensaver is Star Wars.

20. The people at the toy store/comic book store/software store/book store know you by name.

21. You've ever been sent after something in a store you've never been in before and accidently end up at the Star Wars stuff.

22. You enter a store for the first time and find the Star Wars stuff immediately without hardly looking.

23. You can tell the difference between Hasbro and Kenner action figures.

24. You jump anyone who says something remotely wrong. ("It's pronounced Obi-Wan, not Obi-Wan.")

25. You started you EP III countdown on May 16, 2002.

26. You were at Midnight Madness.

27. You got in trouble with the police for 'disturbing the peace' on May 16th.

28. You're an adult and still have Star Wars sheets.

29. You cried when your favorite character was killed. (if they're still alive, be thankful...)

30. You've seen AOTC more then 5 times.

31. You've written at least one fanfic.

32. You've ever been called "the Star Wars fan" by someone who's forgotten your name.

33. You know your Star Wars name and have picked out a Star Wars address.

34. You can speak a Star Wars language fluently/almost fluently/pretty well. (H'chu apenkie! Gutan anolia!)

35. You can read and write Aurebesh.

36. People have trouble finding you a Star Wars gift because they can't remember what you already have.

37. You've ever sent the people at an email correcting something.

38. You have over 5 Cargo Bay 'Have' pages.

39. You know where all the 1138 and 327 references are in the movies. (btw, if you found them in ROTJ and/or AOTC, email me)

40. You know the meaning of 1138 and 327.

41. Your website is over 50% Star Wars.

42. You're a member of the 501st Squadron.

43. You have a Star Wars hair do/cut. ("Leia buns? Well, they're hard to keep in place, but they're easy to make." -Me)

44. You scream when the power goes out while you're watching an episode.

45. You get a job at the theater so you can see AOTC more/cheaper.

46. You don't see other movies in the theater for fear they'll top Star Wars in the box-office.

47. You've ever gotten into a fight with a Trekkie.

48. You hate Titanic.

49. Someone tells you they have a surprise for you and you're first thought is Star Wars.

50. The only way to punish you is to take away your Star Wars movies.

51. You sat in shock after seeing the Clone Wars trailer.

52. Your job is Star Wars related.

53. You went to see a movie in the theater only to walk out after the Star War trailer was over.

54. You cover the Star Trek magazines with Star Wars Insider everytime you're in a store.

55. You plan your calander around Star Wars.

56. You emailed the Imax theater nearest every week to ask if they were getting AOTC.

57. You see a movie and think you like it until the Star Trek reference pops up, then you dislike it. (*cough*Time Machine*cough*)

58. You've started saving money now for Celebration III.

59. You've flown overseas to see a new episode a day earlier.

60. You read this in hopes you were over half the descriptions on this page.

61. You named/are planning to name your kids after Star Wars characters.

62. Your significant other has ever been jealous because of your obsession with a Star Wars character.

63. You have a Star Wars license plate.

64. You've had more then 5 Star Wars dreams.

65. is your homepage.

66. After having come out of a bathroom you say, "I thought they smelled bad on the outside".

You know you're a big Star Trek fan when...

- You say "engage" while driving
- You utter profanities in Klingon
- You have an alarm that says "red alert"
- You stop to think about omnipotence when you see the letter "Q"
- Your license plate is NCC1701 or some similar variation
- You make the Vulcan salute too much
- You consider the microwave to be a replicator
- You have an incessant need to tuck in your shirt
- You refer to a subordinate as "Number one"
- You talk to your computer
- You maintain a personal log and keep track of Stardates

- Your I-Pad is a 'tricorder', your big-screen T.V. is the 'viewscreen', your car is the 'shuttlecraft', and your wife is 'number one'.

You know you're a total Yaoi fangirl when:

'UKE' follows half your guy friend's names (eg: Matt-Uke) 'SEME' follows the other half (eg: Sean-Seme), even though they'd kill you if they knew what it meant, and you've secretly paired them all off. (Points for having more than two people in a 'pair' ;) or Semuke!)

'Fights' between male characters automatically become 'Lovers Spats'
Is Yaoi code for:

You giggle to yourself hearing a name that has 'Yuri', 'Uke' or 'Seme' in it (Eg: Sasuke, when he's SO obviously Seme! Irony)

You have a whole new view on twincest

You know what twincest is without having to ask a senpai

Your mother/father/sibling/carer have yelled at you for 'SQUEE'ing

You've practiced your 'SQUEE' on a microphone, and are thinking of writing a 'SQUEE SONG'

DeviantArt has become your second home

You're guilty of using Japanese words in everyday speech, which really pisses your friends off and probably offends Japanese people. (Nani? I offend now?)

Extra points if you've written them in letters or homework.

You strongly believe in the saying 'everyone's at LEAST 10% gay', any character with a girlfriend must be in denial (points for any fanart you've done involving the girlfriend being tortured horribly)

Tissues are kept by your computer for those all important Yaoi moments in your favourite manga (COUGH nosebleeds COUGH)

Your favourites list consists of only 'M' rated fics

Your excuse for not doing your homework was you were still too starry eyed from that fanfiction you read last night

You get annoyed at fanfiction writers who put the OBVIOUS Uke's name first (Eg: FayxKurogane should be KuroganexFay)

When two of your favourite characters become canon you run around telling everyone 'I TOLD YOU SO'

Your entire sketchbook is filled with guys, mostly bishies.

You've made at least one fanwork of your fave uke character in a female cosplay

You've been kicked out of your local library for drooling on the keyboards

You know what 'MPreg' is

You've actually said to someone 'I can out fangirl you!' (EXTRA points if you're male)

When you first discovered the word 'Otaku' you began referring to yourself as one

You're reading this and nodding furiously

You're debating asking the authoress (me) for permission to draw a comic to it (permission granted, link me to it!)\

How To Know If You Have a Crush on Someone

You think about one person in particular: You wonder what you'll say to them next and scrutinize your every move. You constantly think about their smile, their laugh, their face, and the things they say. They're almost always on your mind.
You feel excited and anxious: When you think about someone you know, you suddenly feel hyper. You might even lose your appetite or have trouble sleeping after you think about them.
You might have trouble concentrating: You may find yourself daydreaming or imagining a conversation -- or a makeout session -- with the person you like. It might be hard to pay attention in class or get your homework done. You might become forgetful and misplace your books or your keys because you're so focused on this person.
You could feel embarrassed or nervous: You might find yourself blushing when you talk to the person you've been thinking about or giggling when other people mention their name. The very thought of talking to them might make you extremely nervous, and you probably feel a bit more self-conscious than usual around them because you want to make a great impression.
You'll go out of your way to be near them: You will make excuses to walk by their locker, talk to them after class, or be close to the places you know they hang out.
You care more about how you look, sound, and act: Again, making a great impression is on your mind and you want the person you like to think you're cute, wonderful, and hilarious.
You want to touch them: Even if you're not a very touchy-feely person, you may feel a strong craving to touch the person you like or be touched by them. This is likely because you're physically attracted to them.
You talk about them a lot: You might not mention them by name, but you might talk about something they're interested in with your friends or write about them in your journal. You want to know what it feels like to be a couple with this person.
You take tons of love quizzes online: You're curious about your feelings for this person because they're strong emotions. The way you feel about the person you like -- your crush -- is different from how you feel about other people.

How to know if a guy likes you...

Examine his body language. Body language can be the "big tell" when it comes to discerning if that guy fancies you enough to date you. Interestingly, body language experts believe that while females have around 52 body language tells to show a guy that they're interested, guys show around only 10.[1] If you subscribe to this theory, this should make your guessing a little easier! All the same, you still need to know what to look for, as well as being sure that you're not mistaking innocent gestures for calls of love––the latter mistake could prove embarrassing. Some of the signs of body language to watch for include:

He looks at you a lot. His eyebrow may even lift as he watches you ("the eyebrow flash" that lasts a fifth of a second). He might not even be really conscious he is watching you as much as he is.
He leans towards you a lot. Personal space invasion is a sign of major interest.
Check the direction of his hands, feet, legs, toes, etc. If they're pointed toward you, it's a subconscious indicator of his interest in you.
He starts grooming himself. He pulls at his tie to straighten it or he readjusts the fit of his sweater. Perhaps he runs his hands through his hair in attempt to tidy it or he reaches down to tie his shoelaces. Doing this repeatedly is similar to the actions of a male bird preening up his feathers for a display!
Check out how he's sitting. If you see rather manly gestures, such as sitting with open legs or placing his hands on his hips, he's trying to impress.
If he likes you, you may see that he rarely turns his back to you, often leans towards you, and also looks at you a lot. If he slouches his shoulders when near you, he's romantic and cares about what you have to say. If he points his shoulders and pelvis towards you while sitting, he is definitely feeling something for you.

Notice his eye contact. As already noted, a guy who is interested in you will look at you a lot, even if covertly. He may try to catch your eye or, if he's shy, he may suddenly turn his head away if you catch him checking you out. To test his interest, scan his face for four seconds, then look away (don't look any longer or it becomes awkward). Then look back––if he maintains or increases eye contact with you, he's interested. If his eyes wander to your mouth, he's definitely interested. If you feel like you have held eye contact just a fraction of a second longer than you would with anyone else, or if he looks away quickly, then there is something there. On the other hand, if he breaks eye contact with you and starts looking around the room, he's not interested in you.

A gaze that has him looking left, then sweeping over your face, then looking right is a sign he's very attracted to you.
Be careful not to confuse a shy guy's darting retreat from eye contact with a guy who is clearly disinterested. A shy guy who is interested will continue to steal glances at you. Be patient!
If you don't like the guy, it can be uncomfortable to maintain eye contact; break it off quickly and scan the room yourself, as if looking for someone else.
When he's around you and he says or does something funny and everyone around laughs, his eyes will flicker towards you for a second to see if you laughed too––this means he's keen to make a good impression on you.
His pupils may dilate if he likes you, but this is quite hard to pick up on, and you might come across as acting strangely by looking that closely into his eyes. If you're around him for a long time, it could be easier to pick up on gradually.

Listen to what he's saying. If he likes you, and he's nervous or anticipating the chance to get closer to you, he'll probably start talking about himself. Many times, guys feel the need to prove themselves, especially if you talk about another guy in his company.

Gauge his interest in what you have to say. It really doesn't matter what you say, it's how you say it that can tell you a lot about his level of interest. So, try this: Lean in and whisper, with your shoulder barely touching his and say something softly. To heighten the impact, steady yourself gently by brushing your arm across his back. If he moves his head closer toward you and either touches you back or maintains eye contact, he's interested in you. If he isn't interested, he'll probably step back or be very unresponsive. A really disinterested guy might even try to shoo you out of his personal space!

Notice his interest in touching and being touched. Touch is an important sign of interest in a developing relationship and you can assess interest both by observing how he touches you and how he reacts to you touching him. If he's keen on you, he might put his hand on yours when he laughs, he might gently brush his leg against yours but won't move it away again, or he may hug you for small things, such as greeting you, expressing emotions when telling a story or just because you "look like you need a hug." On the other hand, consider touching him to see what happens––a gentle brush of your hand against his neck, a hold of his forearm with your hand, or running your fingers across his hand after joking with him about something. He's interested in you if he responds to it and doesn't flinch away or if he moves his hand to stay on yours or on your arm or leg. On the hand, if he tenses up or moves away his hand, he's not interested.

Obviously, playboy guys (bad boys) might be very keen to spread their touching gestures around; be sure that he has more substance than this by observing how he interacts with other women in your group.
See if he uses any of the tricks in How to touch a girl, and see if he uses them more with you than with anyone else.

Watch his actions to see if he treats you differently from the rest of your group. If he's really interested in you, he may start to behave protectively toward you, or in a "gentlemanly" fashion (at least to the extent that he interprets his behavior as such). Look for signs like shifting his chair closer to yours, putting his arm around the back of your chair, leaving his jacket on the back of your chair or even going so far as to place the jacket around you to ward off your complaints of being cold.
Be aware that some guys flirt with other girls to get your attention. It gives him a chance to see your reaction, and helps him know if you really do like him or not. (Yes, it's an odd sort of logic, especially since you might end up so offended or confused that you just give up on him!) However, you can usually spot a "get-your-attention" flirt if, in the middle of his flirting scenario, he keeps taking the chance to look at you, seeking out your response. You can also try a quick trip to the bathroom and find yourself a sneaky observation point to check out how the flirting's proceeding. If he stops the moment you've left, it's you he's serious about, not her. Alternatively, ask a friend to do some observing for you while you're away.

Watch for him showing a sudden, previously unexpressed interest in things that you like and do. For example, if you like a certain genre of music that he doesn't know as well, he may ask you to suggest bands or artists for him to listen to. Or, he may have gone to the trouble of finding out that a favorite band of yours is playing next weekend and mention to this, with or without a request to go and listen together. And, if you introduce him to a TV show that he didn't really know about and that becomes his new favorite thing, that can potentially be a sign that he likes you, especially if he goes out of his way to catch up with you to discuss the show's unfolding plot.

Check for signs of nervousness. Signs of nervous laughter, sweaty palms, deep breaths, fidgeting, or possibly even looking away quickly when you notice he is watching you, can all be signs of an attraction towards you. If he is nervous about making an impression on you, it means he's trying hard and you are probably very close to being able to start making moves.

Pay attention to his friends. If they know he's interested in you, they might tease him subtly when you're around, hint to you that he likes you, or even try to find out if you like him. Study their reactions to your presence––do they smile? Do they turn to him? Do they smirk in a way that suggests they know something that you don't?

Be careful if a friend of his makes suggestions that a guy likes you but all of the other indications tell you otherwise. Sometimes friends have reasons of their own for ensuring that any chances of you getting together are ruined, including catapulting you into making a fool of yourself.

Look to see if he imitates you. Mirroring each other's actions is a sign of mutual like and generally, it's subconscious. If you notice that he has been copying your gestures frequently, there is a high probability that he fancies you. You can test this by mirroring his actions too, for example, touch your hair when he touches his, brush your face when he brushes his, sit the way he is sitting, etc. The subconscious signals will be screaming "I like you too!"
Following you can be another sign; for example, if you buy lunch and sit at a table and he edges as near to, or even on the same, table as you, he is probably trying to get closer to you. Just be sure you're not confusing this action with there being a lack of space to sit anywhere else!

Pay attention to gentle, friendly teasing. If a guy teases you in a friendly and fun manner, it could indicate his interest, especially if he's young. Provided this isn't his modus operandi with every girl he flirts with, it's a sign that he's singled you out for attention and is trying to use his wit to charm you, in that awkward way of using humor to cover up true intentions. Of course, if he says something unkind or unfortunate, don't feel you have to excuse it––point it out if he offends you; it's best he knows now that you won't take nonsense than to discover it later.

f he hits you or playfully punches you on your arm, this may mean he likes you. A guy may gently hit or punch you on the arm as a covert, "manly" way of getting to touch you without making it too obvious what his intention is. If he finds that you don't pull away too much when he does this, he might find the courage to proceed to more gentle ways of touching you. Of course, this doesn't mean you need to sit there in pain if he actually hurts you––be assertive enough to point out that it hurt! You can salve his pride by saying something about not minding him touching you but to please watch out for your sensitive bony bits! And if you're the kind of girl who finds the play punching a bit of fun, give him a playful knock right back.

Play punching can send mixed signals. It could mean "I treat you like one of the boys" and signal friendzone antics only. Check out whether he does this to other girls in your mutual group. Moreover, if he continues to think that play punching you is a fun way to hang out, you might be dealing with someone who is never going to get past this immature display of affection; don't let it go on indefinitely.
If you don't like it, say so immediately. You are entitled to ask someone not to harm you, even if the gesture is well intentioned.
12Acknowledge any compliments that come your way. If you do your hair or makeup differently one day, and the guy notices, that's a very good sign that he likes you. Most guys won't notice, or if they do, they won't be bothered to say anything unless they're totally into you. Anything like, "You look nice today," "I like that shirt," or even "Did you do your hair differently today? It looks nice," are all indicators that he could be interested in you.

Note: If this guy is a good friend of yours, compliments won't necessarily be indicators of romantic interest. It could just be him being a truly good friend.
Not all guys are this straightforward about compliments, so don't be worried if he doesn't compliment you.

Watch for him noticing 'masculine things' on you. For example, some of your dad's aftershave rubbed off on you when you hugged him. Your crush may say "is that aftershave on you?" Noticing this can indicate that he thinks the scent comes from another guy (and not your dad!), revealing some vulnerability about losing you out to someone else. This could also apply to having, carrying or wearing things that he might think belong to another guy.

If he chats to you often on a social networking site, it may mean that he likes you. After all, when online there are many things competing for his time, like games, connecting with mates and checking out sites that might not be so interesting to you… Of course, he could also just be talkative, friendly, or even bored, so don't assume he's into you just for chatting––this should be treated as one extra indicator along with some of the others outlined above.

If he puts an 'x' sign on the end of everything he says to you, don't assume it means he likes you. It could just mean that he perceives you both as good friends or that he's just used to ending his chats that way.
If he says, "I know something you don't know," then this could mean that he likes you and is playing a little guessing game. Or it could just mean he's doing the usual social media thing of spreading information for fun, like the discovery of a new planet or finding the cure to cancer, etc. Use the context to judge the import of any such online personal game playing.

Watch to see if he has suddenly developed a habit of turning up where you happen to be. If he suddenly seems to be in certain places at certain times of the day where you wouldn't necessarily expect to see him, it may be that he's taken to deliberately "finding" opportunities to bump into you. If it happens a lot in a short space of time, it's probably no coincidence but a concerted effort to catch up with you as much as possible.

Be receptive to his signals. If he shows genuine interest in you, (for example, he smiles at you a lot whenever the two of you pass each other or he goes out of his way to say hello to you), be friendly and polite back. If you've already decided that he's someone you'd like to date, don't let it go too long before facilitating an opportunity for the two of you to get together to talk in a quiet place. On the other hand, if he's not your type or you've changed your mind about flirting any further, be honest and let him know that you're flattered but you're not available.

50 Ways To Tell Someone You Like Them (Without Just Telling Them)

1. Touch your face and hair when you’re talking to them.

2. Touch them, casually, on the arm or knee when you’re talking to them.

3. Laugh at their jokes.

4. Touch their arm or knee when you laugh at their jokes.

5. Notice when their glass is empty, and always offer to fill it up or get them another.

6. Make eye contact from across the room at parties; smile.

7. If you get an inside joke going between just the two of you, bring it up as much as possible. Never let it die.

8. Say their name when you’re talking to them. (It’s true! People thrill at the sound of their own name — especially when uttered by someone they’re interested in.)

9. Find a common enemy: another party guest, an annoying guy at the bar, a broken jukebox, the lack of pizza joints in this part of town. It’s you two against the world.

10. If they mention an ex, or a date gone bad, tell them that they’re too good for that person, anyway.

11. Give them a ridiculously huge tip. (This only works if they’re your waiter, bartender or barista. Obviously.)

12. Email them because you just saw something and it “made me think of you.”

13. Treat them to something sometime.

14. Make up a nickname for them. Be the only one who calls them that.

15. Invent any excuse for them to come over — a new movie, a sports game, a dinner party, a home repair project you really need help with.

16. Be genuinely delighted every time you see them — make no effort to hide it.

17. Loan them a book that you “just thought they would like.”

18. Offer to hold their purse/bag/coat/cup.

19. MIX TAPE! (No one makes a mix tape/cd for you unless they like you.)

20. Make sure to get pictures of the two of you when you’re out together.

21. Handwrite a note on your business card when you give it to them. i.e. “Really good to meet you.”

22. Remember what their drink is without having to ask. Order it for them.

23. Show up to their art opening/soccer game/open mic night/thing.

24. Don’t leave without saying goodbye.

25. That shirt/perfume/ring/pair of shoes they once mentioned they liked? Wear it. A lot.

26. Remember what you talked about the last time you saw each other, and ask them how things turned out the next time you see each other.

27. If they take your hand, squeeze it or run your thumb over their knuckles.

28. Text them. Not just to make plans, but just because.

29. Dress up a little when you know you’re going to see them.

30. Bring up something little that you remember they once said to you.

31. Offer to drive them to the airport.

32. Just talk to them. About anything. Whenever you get the chance.

33. Check out that TV show/movie/band/restaurant they mentioned. Tell them what you thought of it.

34. Compliment them on something you think other people might notice about them.

35. Pass them a note during class/a meeting/at a crowded bar.

36. Find whatever excuse you possibly can for the two of you to end up at a karaoke bar. Insist on singing a duet.

37. Always “randomly” have an extra ticket . (To “this movie,” “this art thing,” “my friend’s band that’s playing,” “this lecture that seemed cool.”)

38. Ask their opinion on things. (“What color should I paint my bathroom?” “What TV show should I watch next on Netflix?”)

39. “Like” their stuff on Facebook. (Not too much — just enough to let them know you’re reading.)

40. Text back right away.

41. Make friends with their friends.

42. Tell them, as off-handedly as you can, that they smell good today.

43. Send them a postcard when you’re away.

44. Give them your number, so you can take the conversation off email/facebook/twitter.

45. Assume they want coffee and bring them one. Learn how they take it first.

46. Post baby animal videos on their Facebook wall.

47. Remember their birthday.

48. Find a reasonable excuse (birthday, promotion at work) and send them flowers.

49. Send them YouTube links to that band they mentioned they liked, or send them links to new bands that you think they’d like.

50. Kiss them on the cheek and hug them goodbye, instead of just saying it.

How To Ask Someone Out

Take a deep breath and try to stay calm. You want to seem interested in the other person but not desperate for attention.
Think about why you like them. In your head, make a list of a few things you could talk about with this person -- or a question you've been wanting to ask them.
Give them a call or find them online. Or, if you're brave, get them alone after school or somewhere that you often see each other.
Ask them if they can talk for a couple of minutes. If it's not a good time to talk, ask them when a better time might be.
When you find a good time to talk, have a conversation about something you have in common: a class, a neighborhood, a favorite band or sports team, etc.
Once again, relax. Laugh when the other person says something funny. Listen to what they have to say. Be yourself.
Tell them that something they just said is really great and ask them if they'd like to hang out sometime.
If they say yes, make plans about when and how you want to get together. Good for you!
If they say no, give yourself a pat on the back for trying. Everyone gets turned down sometimes, and you'll have plenty of chances to use this technique in the future.

Above all else, be yourself. You want the other person to like you for you, not some phony version of you.
Have an idea of what "hanging out" might consist of: a movie, a trip to the park, a get-together with some friends, etc. Share your idea with the other person and ask what they think.
Try to do this when you're feeling good about yourself. If you've just received good news about something, there's a great reason to call up the person you like and spread the happiness around.
If you get "no" for an answer, don't dwell on it. You're just as great as you were five minutes ago, but with a bit more dating experience.

The Rules of Dating

1. Dating Rule #1: Don't Lose Who You Are
Your first priority in a relationship - no matter what kind of a relationship you are in - is to be yourself. To do that, you'll need to love yourself by ensuring you are ready to date before taking the plunge, as well as having a strong sense of self-worth and esteem.

2. Dating Rule #2: Ensure Every Date is Fun
Not only does trying to make your date happy make you feel good, but it is also one of the first signs of attraction. And studies have shown that when taking someone out on a date, the primary way your date will determine the success of the event is how much fun was had.

3. Dating Rule #3: Communicate Well and Clearly
It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without strong communication. In essence, communication is the bridge that forms between partners, helping them create a sacred space in the middle ground where they meet in order to foster love and intimacy. Without clear communication, two people who seem like they are connected romantically to outsiders truly aren't; instead they just going through the motions, lacking the intimacy they require to move forward, together.

4. Dating Rule #4: Be a Strong Negotiator
When communication alone isn't enough to weather a relationship through stormy times, negotiation skills come into play. In order to work through the issues that arise in these kinds of circumstances, both partners must be able and willing to negotiate. When done with respect and awareness, negotiation can be the key to unlock a shared bright future.

5. Dating Rule #5: Nurture Your Relationship
All dating relationships require tender loving care in order to thrive. Daily appreciation, respect, attentiveness, reciprocity and kindness all work towards showing your partner that you cherish them and value their contribution to your life.

31 Ways To Know You're In The Right Relationship

You don't...

1. Fear it.

If you're afraid of commitment, best to work that out before you put yourself in a situation where it's hoped you'll eventually commit.

2. Hide anything more significant than a surprise party from each other.

That includes exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, whether you want a marriage and/or children, genetic abnormalities (if you both want kids), a strong desire to live somewhere else, professional failures and successes, doubts about your sexual orientation, a strong preference for un-vanilla sex.

The truth will come out, and if you're with someone you feel the need to conceal any of this from, he or she probably isn't right.

3. Snoop.

If no one's hiding anything, why are you looking? Going through your significant other's email, phone, Facebook account, or journal strongly indicates that you don't trust the person you're with. You're also violating his or her trust in you.

4. Hide the relationship from other people in your life.

If you're unwilling to introduce the person you're dating at appropriate junctures to the most important people in your life, that's usually a bright, flapping red flag.

In general, if you have a good thing going, you can't wait for him or her to meet your friends, siblings, parents, the guy at the deli, and you wouldn't have any qualms about presenting this person to professional acquaintances, people you knew in college, family friends, even your ex.

5. Think you're superior.

If you feel that your significant other is your inferior in any way you know matters to you in a mate -- morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally -- you're never going to respect him or her as much as you hope to be respected.

The best relationships make you feel that you've convinced a person more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Resent the other person's success.

Professional jealousy can be as poisonous to a relationship as constantly thinking he or she is flirting with your best friend. It also suggests that you're spending a lot of time comparing yourself to a person you supposedly adore, rather than sitting back and marveling at how amazing he or she is. In a good relationship, you quit (or refuse to ever engage in) the one-upmanship.

7. Let any substance or behavior come before the relationship.

Any addict or over-user of a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.

8. Stew.

When something the other person does annoys you or turns you off, you don't push it to the back of your mind and hope it will go away, because it won't. You bring it up in the moment or sometime in the next 24 hours.

9. Damage property, animals, children or each other during an argument.

You think this goes without saying until you read something like this New York Times "Modern Love" and realize that human beings can rationalize staying with someone who leaves holes in their walls.

On the other hand, if you damage a vase or two in the heat of a different kind of passion, totally fine.

10. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.

You know which conversations you shouldn't be having at brunch with friends.

11. Depend on each other for things no one can or should supply.

If you're looking to your significant other to resolve your emotional issues, make you more responsible/successful/adult, support you financially, improve your social standing, expand your group of friends, provide you with the family you never had, or make your parents finally accept you, it's possible you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, or at least not yet.

12. Begrudge each other time with your respective friends.

You can't be everything to your significant other, and why would you want to be? Sounds exhausting. Friends enrich your life, will accompany you to do things that your significant other may not enjoy, and keep you from getting tired of the person you're seeing.

Besides, if the relationship doesn't work out, those friends going to be the ones coming over to your house, dragging you out of bed and helping you rejoin humanity. Be good to them.

13. Lose Yourself

This is easier said than done, especially when the relationship is going really well. As tempting as it is to never leave the house (maybe never leave the bed), you keep doing the work, exercise, volunteering, socializing, networking, and daughtering you were doing before. Remember, these things made you the person Your Person fell in love with. They're part of you. Don't give them up for anyone. You can't afford it.

14. Have a secret plan B.

If you're where you need to be, the following thoughts don't cross your mind: "Maybe he'll dump me," or "If my ex moves back from Mongolia, everything could change."

15. Have much drama.

You know the cliche: The person worth your tears won't make you cry. Usually.

You do...

16. Put it all on the line.

If you're not risking having your heart broken, you're not doing it right.

17. Respect the people he or she is closest to.

You don't have to love them, but you should think they are honest and moral and have integrity. Want to know you're with a good person? Look to the people he or she thinks are good people.

18. Inspire each other to be better.

A good relationship is galvanizing, not in the oh-my-god-I-met-this-amazing-person-I'd-better-hurry-up-and-fix-myself sense (thought there's probably a little of that when you first start seeing anyone amazing) but in the way that knowing someone else believes in you makes you believe in yourself that much more. You want to prove yourself worthy of his or her confidence.

19. Humble yourselves.

You know you can't hide your flaws for long, so you don't try. You recognize that this person is going to have to take you as you are, as foolish or charitable (or both) as that may seem to make him or her. You know you're both going to mess up endless times and have to apologize and be forgiven and forgive. You'll wonder if one of the bigger mistakes is the one that will end it, and you'll have to prove to one another that the relationship transcends that. You recognize that you signed up for all of this.

20. Talk about sex.

Most couples don't instinctively know all of the ways to please each other. You have to talk about -- or at least show -- what you want. If you don't know what you want, you need to figure that out, STAT (step 1? Get thee to Babeland). And after you have talked about it, you do it. Better.

21. Talk about the rest.

The same things you're not supposed to talk about on a blind date -- religion, money, politics, kids -- are things you should discuss with someone you're serious about. What? You just remembered that thing you need to do? Get back here. No one said this was going to be painless. They said it was going to be hard and awesome.

22. Fight.

If you agree on everything, someone's not telling the truth. See #2 and #8.

23. Have times when you don't talk.

Not because you're angry with each other but because you can be quiet together. When you find yourself with silences you don't need to fill, when you find you can just walk along or lie about or work side by side and feel together without needing to verbally affirm that, you've got a good thing going.

24. Have object permanence.

Child psychologist Jean Piaget theorized that when babies get to be 8 or 9 months old, they begin to develop "object permanence," the idea that an object doesn't vanish when they can no longer see it.

In a good adult relationship, you know that you can go out into the world and do your thing, and the bond you've formed with the person you care about will be there when you get back.

This is also known as trust.

25. Take care of your body.

You know that you won't enjoy sharing it with someone else if you don't like, respect, and nurture it. Your partner feels the same way.

26. Divide and conquer.

You're not identical, thank god, which probably means you have certain strengths and he or she has others. Someone is more organized, someone is more outgoing, someone is a born listener. Someone is better with money, someone is more creative. Someone is more adventurous in bed.

If you each play to your strengths, you in all likelihood remember a gift (possibly an inspired one), your home(s) look(s) great, the bills get paid on time, sex is endlessly fun, and you leave everyone at the party thoroughly charmed.

27. Remember to look at each other across the room.

There's nothing more reassuring (or sexier) than glancing up from the interminable conversation with your eighth cousin or the head of operations or the report you can't seem to finish and locking eyes with Your Person and remembering that by some quantity of luck neither of you may deserve, you found each other.

28. Observe.

You notice when the other person is about to lose it, needs to leave even if you've been there only 20 minutes, is talking to someone he or she can't stand, did something he or she feels guilty about, is silently berating himself or herself, is ruminating over the thing his or her boss said, is about to spend an insane amount of money, and best of all, about to crack up in a situation where he or she shouldn't. You pay attention because you care, and because that's the good stuff.

29. Make time.

You realize that if this is it, one of you is going to be around some distant day in the future to lose the other. In that moment, you will not regret not checking your email in this one.

30. Occasionally get over yourself and your cynicism and fear of cliche and do something deeply, unapologetically romantic.

You send the flowers, have the book signed by the author, request the song, write the note, have the damned thing (tastefully) engraved. You call the other person and tell him or her that specific thing he or she did this morning that made you fall that much more in love. When you're not expecting it, he or she dares to say, even though we all know there are no guarantees ever, "When we're X age, want to Y?"

31. Just know.

Reader, marry that.

10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Going To Propose

1. He acts nervous or needy.
Ask a young guy to describe the most petrifying moment of his life, and he’s bound to come up with one of two answers: asking a girl out on a first date or asking a woman to marry him.

2. He is suddenly concerned about saving money.
Diamonds are a girl’s best friend … and your guy’s bank account’s worst enemy. The average engagement ring costs more than $4,000 – and we won’t even get into the cost of the average wedding.

So if your man starts to act like Ebenezer Scrooge when it comes to everyday luxuries, he could be saving up for something more permanent.

3. Other people’s weddings don’t make him gag.
It used to be that the only thing about attending a wedding that got your man excited were the words “open bar.”

Now he’s critiquing the couple’s favorite song and sampling their buffet selections with a food critic’s palate.

He might drop little hints, such as inquiring as to who made the wedding cake or asking you to rate the centerpieces on a scale of one to 10.

Bottom line: if your boyfriend seems to enjoy weddings more than usual, he could be planning one of his own.

4. He cleans up his act.
Suddenly he’s cooking you dinners, making the bed, leaving the toilet seat down. Who is this amazing man and what has he done with your boyfriend?

Most guys will only dare to pop the question when they know they’ll get an affirmative answer. So, to help seal the deal, he might spend a few months trying to show you that he can handle a lifetime of domestic living.

The same goes for his personal grooming habits. If your sweetie finally decides to cut his garage-band-tastic hair or shave his soul patch – and he shrugs it off as “just because” – it could be that he’s finally ready to take other steps toward growing up as well.

And in the event that he retires his collection of Metallica tees in favor of button-up polos, look out. A proposal could be on the horizon.

5. He acts funny around your friends.
If you start to notice a certain awkwardness between your guy and your girlfriends (and we’re not talking sexual tension), it could be a sign that he is going to propose.

6. He says goodbye to bachelorhood.
Friday night used to be strictly reserved for poker with the guys, but lately your boyfriend would rather stay in and cuddle on the couch with you.

If he’s trading in his motorcycle for a four-door coupe and replacing his “cold beer” wall sign with a tasteful abstract print, he is probably ready to take that next step in your relationship as well.

For another strong sign that he is going to propose, study his vocabulary. If he uses the words “our” and “we” instead of “my,” “me” and “I,” a ring is probably in your future.

7. He wants to talk about the future.
He may have seemed like a commitment-phobe when you first started dating, but now he actually brings up topics that, a few years ago, would have sent him running for the hills. He wants to know where you see yourself in five years, what you think about children, how you feel about buying a house.

These are all signs that he is seriously considering settling down.

8. You find him snooping around your jewelry box.
If he … or your best friend … or your sister … or anyone close to you starts asking about the size of your ring finger, it’s a dead giveaway that a proposal is in the works.

Be on the lookout for the occasional innocent off-hand remark as well – “Oh, those are nice earrings,” or “I hear princess-cut diamonds are back in style.”

And if your favorite ring just happens to go missing, it’s officially okay to start practicing signing your new name.

9. He wants to spend time with your parents.
If your man is a traditionalist, he will want to talk to your parents and ask permission before popping the question.

If you notice that your boyfriend and your father are suddenly buddy-buddy, it could be a sign that they’ve already had the talk.

10. He plans an unexpected outing.
And now for the biggest (and most immediate) sign that he is going to propose: He makes impromptu plans that involve some sort of secrecy or vagueness – such as a weekend trip to Paris, a reservation at an exclusive restaurant or a rendezvous at any place that:

a) has personal significance to the two of you or...

b) takes place around sunset.

50 Reasons to Support FrUk!

1. They grew up together
2. England grew his hair out like France
3. He got in trouble doing so
4. France got worried thinking England got eaten by a caterpiler
5. France helped England with his hair
6. He fixed his hair back to the way it was, saying he looked better that way
7. They raised Canada together
8. England put his arm around France
9. They are always together
10. They work together a lot
11. They comfort each other
12. France asked England to marry him
13. They tease each other
14. the translator in Paint it White said "They loved eachother sexually"
15. The Manga's character role call (second book) both France and England's descriptions had something to say about eachother.
16. France cared and tried to look after England when he got really sick
17. He yelled at America when he called England a "jerky limey"
18. England didn't want France to catch his cold.
19. France thinks England is cute
20. France brought England a dress
21. England agreed to wear it
22. In Paint it White they walked out of the jungle togather
23. They are seen together a lot threw Paint it White
24. They get paired up together in Paint it White
25. England let France conquer him in 'Crossing Through the Year 1000'
26. J.Micheal Tatum (France) and Scott Freeman (England) thinks its canon and totally accurate
27. France asked England if he wanted to join him in a "Masturbation Marathon"
28. France is the only one that knows England can't swim
29. The Entente Cordiale, the treaty between France and England, a treaty of friendship and peace that still lasts today
30. They fight like an old married couple.
31. France tried to get England to strip with him in the Olympic episode
32. They always have each others back.
33. They fell out of the ship into the ocean; England can't swim; only France knows this; ergo, France carried England to shore.
34. They keep each other company on Christmas
35. They spread rumors together
36. France is the only other nation so far who can see England's fairies and mystical creatures
37. UK's motto is written in French
38. The legends of King Arthur are very popular in France
39. "Arthur" is one of the top French baby names despite not actually being a French name
40. They say they hate each other, but they still stay together
41. You can pair them in any point in history
42. They spent Halloween together
43. They call each other friends
44. They go out for drinks together
45. They sat close together in Catalia
46. They stay at each others houses
47. They go out to eat together
48. According to Himaruya's Comic Birz,they have a very spicy relationship
49. England said France could accomplish anything if he put his mind to it
50. England uses France's chef to cook for him

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back….. Charlie Brown

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.-- George Carlin

No one is listening until you fart. Author Unknown

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.--George Carlin

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. -- Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat --Lily Tomlin

Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you -- Satchel Paige

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred…..Woody Allen

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. Author Unknown

Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life…unknown

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it...George Carlin

Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right… unknown

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. Murphy's Law

People who snore always fall asleep first. Author Unknown

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.-- Robert Frost

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.-- Will Rogers

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."…. Charles M Schulz

I think I've discovered the secret of life -you just hang around until you get used to it .--Charles M Schulz

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think... George Carlin

I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.-- unknown

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-- Mark Twain

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.--Jack Buck

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours.--Swedish Proverb

Sex and alcohol, it fuels the desire but kills the performance…!!!

- Trust is like a paper once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect again…

- You never realize what you have till its gone ..Toilet paper is a good example.

- People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion comes when people are used and things are loved.

- At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.

- If you live your life fully, you will die only once. But if you are scared of every step, fear will kill you day after day. – Paulo coetho.

Charlie don’t surf! - Apocalypse Now

”It’s not that I don’t trust people, I just don’t trust the devil inside them” - The Italian job

”They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.” - O Brother, Where Art Thou?

”I’m a werewolf, ok? Let’s not make a big deal about it.” - Dark Shadows

Jesus. I got ‘em all! - Straw Dogs

Even though I'm no better than a beast, don't i have the right to live? – unknown

”For those regarded as warriors, when engaged in combat the vanquishing of thine enemy can be the warrior’s only concern. Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God, or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat. ” - Kill Bill Vol 1

”I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” -unknown

Any of you F pricks move, and I’ll execute every F last one of you! – Pulp Fiction

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain… Time to die. - Blade Runner

There should be a captain in there somewhere, captain i wish to report a mutiny i can name fingers and point names - Pirates of the Caribbean – on stranger tides (2011)

Ripley: I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. – Aliens 1986

”Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.” ”Well, which is it young fella, you want I should freeze or get down on the ground?” - Raising Arizona

What’s up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We’re looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet – Borat

Arch: you don’t want to catch cold again – Rock n Rolla

Calling someone fat doesnt make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesnt make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try and solve the problem in front of you.

If you vote for me all your wild dream will become true - Napoleon Dynamite

Don’t be so gloomy. After all it’s not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of
democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long Holly. – The Third Man

I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? - Harry Callahan

”Opinions are like a s s holes , everybody has one” - The Dead Pool – Clint Eastwood

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick arse… and I’m all out of bubblegum. - They Live (1988)

The world needs a wake up call, gentlemen. We’re gonna phone it in. - They Live (1988)

Hasta la vista… baby.- Terminator 2

My super Ex-Girlfriend “Oh, no no. Don’t tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.” - Vaughn Haige

”We keeping moving forwards, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths”. - Meet The Robinsons

”There’s only one God, ma’am. And I don’t think he dresses like that.” – Captain America in “The Avengers”

My personality was created by someone else and all i got was this stupid t-shirt – Beginner 2010

“You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can’t do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want something, go get it. Period.” – Pursuit of Happiness

Only the madman is absolutely sure. - The Illuminatus! Trilogy (1975)

Is everything a Joke to you, Funny things are – The Avengers (2012)

Sticks and stones may break my bones.. But i will repeatedly kick you in the bolls – Stepbrothers

Don’t worry the zombies are looking for brains, you’re safe.. -You’re a great friend but if the zombies chase us, i’m tripping you – Zombieland

“Let’s not blow this guy out of proportion”, “I will blow him in any proportion I want!” -Green Hornet.

You probably get this a lot. This isn’t the real Caesar’s Palace is it? – Hangover

”This one’s called ‘Lick My Love Pump’” -Spinal Tap

I’ve tried my best to include most of funny and famous movie quotes. Please contribute to this post for more movie quotes, i will be glad to update this post. Please use this Contact Us page for your contribution.

"You're thinking in Japanese! If you must think, do it in German!" - Asuka Langley Soryu (Evangelion)

"Stop making me repeat myself! Its bad for my health!" - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)

"Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?" - Lina Inverse (Slayers)

"And what's the real lesson? Don't leave things in the fridge." - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"*bursts into tears* I can't talk about it! It's so horrible! They were-- they were-- the milk! Oh God, the milk!" - Ken Hidaka (Wiess Kreuz)

"Survivability takes priority." - Misato Katsuragi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

"Man fears the darkness, and so he scrapes away at the edges of it with fire." - Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

"The boy's screams excited me far more than yours." - Tomo (Fushigi Yugi)

"A drop from the moon dropped and disappeared into a room into my heart." - (Closing song) (All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku-Nuku)

"I just love the smell of C4 in the morning" - Ling Ling (3x3 eyes)

"I don't care about no artificial humans!" - Chichi (Dragon Ball Z)

"You're a GIRL?!" - Faye talking to Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"Listen up numbskull, if Kasumi isn't back by dinnertime, we're gonna have to eat Akane's cooking, and if we do that, man oh man we're gonna wish we were lost at sea! " - Ranma (Ranma 1/2)

"No one's gonna take her from me...Akane's mine...and she's engaged to me!!!!!!" - Ranma (Ranma 1/2)

"Ranma, please. I like you just the way you are. Please don't fight anymore. I'm begging you" - Akane (Ranma 1/2)

"Panties, Panties, Panties" - Chii (Chobits)

"I consider your class of demon very worthy, worthy to fight, and worthy to die" - Yoko Kurama (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity?" - Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Do you think he knows it's a circle?" - Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"I know as much of games as hugs and puppies, and care for them even less." - Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Does a death wish cause you to talk to me that way?" - Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"I don't like it! It smells girly!" - Kuwabara (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Don't talk, it makes you sound stupid." - Yusuke (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"You try to sound like you think through things, when in fact you're not thinking at all." - Kurama (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"You're a team player, a save the day superhero. I hate people like you." - Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"Hiei, I can't accept this. I value our friendship and all we've been through but... I don't like you that way." - Kurama (Yu Yu Hakusho)

"I'm...actually, I'm a super-magical human. I have been hiding this fact for a long time. But I have this precious kingdom to go back to. The reason why us super humans have long hair is that our great king Rubalru had a miracle vision when he was about to die. The person who gave him this vision is called Great Kandora! When Kandora used his super magic power, King Rulbaru's Super-Ultra-Magical-Force was freed like a bird and made him grow Ultra-Strong-Magical white long hair from his head! Just then, what happened was when King Rulbaru was resting, an emeny kingdom suddenly attacked him. He was in such a terrible situation! He thin asked Kandora for power! And then-!" - Ayame Sohma (Fruits Basket)

"Yesterday Kyou-kun picked up Tohru-kun! Kyou-kun is a sex fiend!!" - Shigure (Fruits Basket)

"Now I understand the relieved, I feel very situation..." - Sosuke Sagara (Full Metal Panic? FUMOFFU)

"Is there a need for a reason to kill someone?" - Mugen (Samurai Champloo)

"Good ol' Zenigata, the archetypal Japanese man. Totally devoted to his work." - Lupin III (Lupin III)

"Lupin! Don't you dare die before I get to arrest you!" - Inspector Zenigata (Lupin III)

"[About the Roman ruins.]
This is a treasure for all mankind. Too big for my pocket, anyway." - Lupin III (Lupin III)

"Pokemon isn't about tests, it's about battles! hahahahahaha!" - Ash Ketchum (Pokemon)

"Mankind has no time left." - Gendo Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

"The interaction of men and women isn't very logical." - Dr. Ritsuko Akagi (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

"I musn't run away..." - Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

"I am the will of God, messenger of the divine punishment of Heaven" - Paladin Alexander Anderson (Hellsing)

"Now I'll show you how real vampires do battle!" - Alucard (Hellsing)

"Nothing amazing happens here" - Naota Nandaba (FLCL)

"Would you like to see my daughter? I have some pictures right here!" - Maes Hughes (Full Metal Alchemist)

"My right hand is the judgement of god!" - Scar (Full Metal Alchemist)

"Babies aren't born after just 5 months!" - Riza Hawkeye (Full Metal Alchemist)

"I will protect my ninja way!" - Rock Lee (Naruto)

"All the girls in Konoha are so hot these days." - Jiraiya (Naruto)

"It's a bad habit of mine. When I concentrate on one thing, I forget other important things." - Tsukushi (Hana Yori Dango)

"If you die, I'll kill you!" - Zoro (One Piece)

"Don't look back. If you got something to do, then only look forward." - Kurogane ( RESERVoir CHRoNiCLE)

"You made the rain" - Tomo (Samurai X)

"Who is this place? Where are you? Me am Excel!" - Excel (Excel Saga)

"That's life. Those are life. This is life. They're all lives." - Excel (Excel Saga)

"...well maybe Padro should show you a flashback instead." - Pedro (Excel Saga)

"Senior, do you suppose that this review episode is actually a way to relieve the tight production schedule for the staff?" - Hyatt (Excel Saga)

"Excel: You know, all together this class probably doesn't have an IQ of 100.
Hyatt: Or even double digits" (Excel Saga)

"Come on, scribbles on the bathroom wall, please show me the path that I must follow! " - Excel (Excel Saga)

"Please don't worry, Mister, I only came here to obliterate you- not rob you." - Excel (Excel Saga)

"Aren't we just a few lilies short of a shojo-ai?" - Excel referring to the scene (Excel Saga)

"I was only able to get back to being a real doctor by saving your life! I realized that human lives have equal value by saving you! Nobody has the right to take another's life! I've been living as a doctor with that engraved upon my heart for years!" - Dr. Kenzou Tenma (Monster)

"What a letdown, Kurosaki-san. A real letdown. After all, there's nothing but fear reflected in your sword. When you dodge, 'I'm afraid of getting cut.' When you attack, 'I'm afraid of cutting someone.' Even when you try to protect someone, 'I'm afraid of letting them die.' Yes, your sword speaks to me only of absurd fear. That's not it. What's necessary in a fight isn't fear. Nothing can be born from that. If you dodge, 'I won't let them cut me.' If you protect someone, 'I won't let them die.' If you attack, 'I'll cut them.' Well, can't you see the resolve to cut you reflected in my sword?" - Urahara Kisuke (Bleach)

"You know why big brothers are born first? To protect the little ones that come after them." - Ichigo (Bleach)

"How did I pass? She beat me like I owed her money. " - Ichigo (Bleach)

"We fear that which we cannot see... we respect that which we cannot see... thus the blade will be wielded." - opening words of the first episode (Bleach)

"If I have the power to make a differencen why not put it to good use?" - Kira Yamito (Gundam Seed)

"Murrue: That's sexual harassment, major.
Mwu: Wha? It is?" (Gundam Seed)

"I am Valentinez Alkalinelia Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobillo Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser. Don't hesitate to call." - Vash introducing himself to Wolfwood (Trigun)

"A man can't just live on carbohydrates alone..." - Spike Spegiel (Cowboy Bebop)

"Chrno, the map is upside-down." - Azmaria (Chrno Crusade)

"Azmaria is amazing. She's already learning how to kiss up to rich people at such an age..." - Rosette (Chrno Crusade)

"*gasp* "Chrno, what have you done...!?" - Rosette [To Chrno after he fell into Satella's chest] (Chrno Crusade)

"Love and Peace!" - Vash (Trigun)

"... if you let the fly live, the spider is going to die. You can't save both without one suffering.." - Knives (Trigun)

"That's some good advice. Maybe I should write that down, frame it, and stick it up on my wall." - Colonel Karl Lichen Schubaltz (Zoids Chaotic Century)

"Bansai, bathtoy, wise guy, waterboy, lights shine bright in the o-town tonight" - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

" It must be the way you look, Vash the Stampede. Your very existence seems to cause me undue irritation.
" - Legato (Trigun)

" It's a simple formula. The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect." - Legato (Trigun)

"And to think, I could kill every man, woman and child here in the blink of an eye if I wanted to. The power of death is intoxicating
" - Legato (Trigun)

" There is nothing left to believe in." - Vicious (Cowboy Bebop)

"Give me the gift of nothingness, give me death." - Legato (Trigun)

" Why don't we drink to me and my reflection in your lovely eyes?" - Cowboy Andy (Cowboy Bebop)

"Where would you like to fall?" - Cyborg 002 ( Cyborg 009)

"DEEDILIIIIIT!!!!!" - Parn ( Record of Lodoss War)

"There is no such thing as a weapon that doesn't kill.." - Chise (Saishuu Heiki Kanojo)

"A sinner once passed away will never return, but sins will never vanish and the love will never die." - Les Soldats (Noir)

"On the day we left, we burned down the family home and all the familiar things inside. Because some memories... aren't meant to leave traces." - Alphonse Elric (Full-Metal Alchemist)

"My name is VASH THE STAMPEDE!! Forgive the lack of warning, but it's time for my daily massacre! If you do not believe I am the real thing, take a good look at me and start freaking out!!" - Vash (Trigun)

"Shining brightly, even for a split second, is better than living a dull-grey life for eternity." - Jing (King of Bandits Jing)

"The past is the past... and the future is the future. A man is a man, and a woman is a woman. I am who I am, and you are who you are. Like it really matters anyway...
" - Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop)

"There are three things I hate the most: Kids, pets, & women with additude. So tell me, why do we have all of them packed into our ship!?" - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"Thou Shalt not Kill! What the hell kind of a churchman are you!?" - Vash [talking to Wolfwood] (Trigun)

"Ed will introduce Ed. Full name - Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the 4th. Ed made up that name for Ed, isn't it cool?" - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"Faye faye smoke smoke, faye faye puff puff! Yay!" - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"Funny, funny smeeeelll." - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"I'm not going there to die. I'm going to find out if I'm really alive.
" - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"Total slaughter, total slaughter. I won't leave a single man alive. La dee da dee dide, genocide. La dee da dee dud, an ocean of blood. Let's begin the killing time." - Vash (Trigun)

"I think I know, I don't think I know, I don't think I think I know, I don't think I think." - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"Lesson #3 : If you see a stranger, Follow him" - Ed (Cowboy Bebop)

"There goes another self-destruct system to waste." - Trowa Burton (Gundam Wing)

"I wouldn't mind if you want to kill me, but I might struggle a bit" - Trowa Burton (Gundam Wing)

"Oh, man, Quatre loves to blame himself for everything if you let him. Sooner or later, he'll start saying that there's no air in space because he didn't work on it hard enough." - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)

"So my stupid student thinks he changed the secret of swordsmanship..." - Hiko Seijuro ( Rurouni Kenshin)

"I'm watching a dream I'll never wake up from.." - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

"Kira Yamato : You''re a girl?!
Cagalli Yula Attha: Whatta ya think?
Kira Yamato : No, no it just reminded me again that you are a girl.
Cagalli Yula Attha: That amounts to the same thing jackass!" (Gundam Seed)

"You have to take the path you have to take." - Hibiki Tokai (Vandread)

"Ranma: Look at him standing there, little jerk, what's his problem getting a crush on Akane like that.
Akane: Ranma, I'm sorry. You did it for me.
Ranma: W-wha?
Akane: You destroyed that spring to save me.
Genma/Ryoga/Mousse: YOU WHAT?!?!?! " (Ranma 1/2)

"Commander Z: What's wrong with giving kids dreams?
Kotaro Nanbara: Those are dreams those are nightmares!
Commander Z: You yourself is good enough to give then nightmares!
Kotaro Nanbara: That's mine line to you!" ( Hand Maid May)

"Saehara: "Everyone, thanks for coming during the holiday. Now lets get to practicing!"
Student A: "Now that is just wrong."
Student B: "Please take that off."
Saehara: "What's with you guys. You don't have enough enthusiasm!" [Class reacting to the women clothing that Saehara is wearing for the play.]" (D.N. Angel)

"*points to Jet* "Don't give me that art of war crap! And you! *points to the other man* You take too long to take a sh*t"" - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

" Someone once told me...that watching the birds made them want to go on a journey..." - Kino ( Kino's Journey (TV))

" Someone once told me...that watching the birds made them want to go on a journey..." - Texted Narrator (Kino's Journey (TV))

"You stupid hairy little stink'n... PANDA! PANDA! PANDA! PANDA!" - Eimi Ohba (Comic Party)

"Hey! Sameji, why don't we give Takkun a little preview of forbidden lesbian love?" - Haruko (FLCL)

"Tears of Sadness... Tears of Joy... They're far from the same." - Jing (King of Bandits Jing)

"We humans are just made to be greedy I guess. But there are some of us who can resist the greedy temptations and desires of our hearts." - Jing (King of Bandits Jing)

"Even without clocks, the sun will still rise." - Captain (King of Bandits Jing)

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - Various Characters (Detective Conan)

"How could I forget? He's into dead girls!" - Kagome (Inuyasha)

"Unless I grip the sword, I can not protect you. While gripping the sword I can not embrace you." - Ichigo (Bleach)

""When it melts, what does snow become?"
"It becomes ... spring!"" (Fruits Basket)

"High School Girls!" - Kimura-sensei, on what made him become a teacher (Azumanga Daioh)

"Sometimes I see dirt, and I try to follow it with my eyes." - Osaka (Azumanga Daioh)

"42... 30... 31! Our marks add up to 103! We win!" - The Bonkuras (Osaka, Kagura, Tomo), upon seeing Chiyo getting 100 (full marks) in a test (Azumanga Daioh)

"Growls at painting, clutching it tightly* "Damn you! Let me inside of you!! LET ME INSIDE OF YOU!" - Dark (D.N. Angel)

"Ooh, Dark, that sounds so dirty! Talking to a woman that way!'re talking to me!! I don't mind at all!! Please, have your way with me! Come on, I'm ready and waiting!" - Toto (D.N. Angel)

"No matter where you are...
Everyone is always connected." - Lain (Serial Experiments Lain)

"There are three things I cannot tolerate: cowerdice, bad haircuts, and military insurrection, and it is very unfortunate that our friend Vegeta posseses all three of these." - Freeza (Dragon Ball Z)

"I am the worlds strongest Coffee Candy!" - Vegeku (Dragon Ball Z)

""Goku! I'd rather die than fuse with you!"
"But Vegeta, we're already dead!"
" - Goku and Vegeta (Dragon Ball Z)

"I think you managed to singe some of my leg hairs!" - Radditz (Dragon Ball Z)

"If you want to know the truth, you must have the courage to accept it." - Bear (.hack//sign)

"Tenjou Tenga Ichigeki Hissatsu Hou!! Energy charge 120%
translation: (Heaven and Earth One Shot Sure Kill Cannon)" - Ryusei Date (Super Robot War: Original Generation)

"I came to laugh at you!" - Chars Aznabal (Gundam)

"You cant beat me in close combat!" - Kyusuke Ninbu (Super Robot War: Original Generation)

"I am the sword who cleaves evil" - Zengar Zombolt (Super Robot War: Original Generation)

“What on earth was my subconsciousness thinking!?”

“However, as always, this girl was thinking up all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I can't help but wonder if there's a white hole inside her head, since her common sense seems to come from a different universe altogether.”

“A localized, non-corrosive amalgamation of asynchronous space is independently occurring in restricted condition mode.”

“Even if you're speaking with phrases that make it seem like you just pulled words out of a dictionary and lined them up after they caught your eye, I, having no dictionary, am helpless.”

“What're you doing here then?”

“What else would I be here for? To illegally enter the premises, of course.”

“Don't openly declare your criminal intentions like that, there's a limit to being shameless!”

"What would be nice? Hotpot? Sukiyaki? Crab is a no-no. I can't take it. Picking the flesh out of the shell drives me nuts. Why can't crabs make their shells edible? How come they didn't do anything about that during the course of evolution, might I ask?"

"That's exactly why they evolved shells! They don't undergo natural selection in the depths of the sea just for the sake of your stomach!"

"That computer already belongs to us. There's not much fun in reclaiming what's already ours, find something else to bet on!"

"For some reason I was moved by Haruhi's words, she can always find a way to turn any illegally obtained object into her legal possession. Does she intend to become a professional thief?"

“Noooo, there’s no way I, a mere handsome and sexy shopkeeper, could possibly have bankai!” — Urahara Kisuke

“Hold on. So in my mind, this jacked-up, sideways ridiculousness is the normal state?” — Kurosaki Ichigo

“I see. So basically, you’re a Death God? And you came all the way from some place called Soul Society to vanquish evil spirits? Which means that monster earlier was one of those evil spirits? And it attacked that little girl? Okay, I belie– NO WAY I’LL BELIEVE THAT, DUMBASS!”
– Kurosaki Ichigo

"AIEEEEE!! Let go! Let go! Let go!! Pain pain pain pain pain! *breaks free* Are you trying to rip me in half!?"
"Could this all be part of the illusion?"
-Kagetora and Beni when they first meet in the street (Shinobi Life)

Passerby 1: "Looks stupid."
PB 2: "Ninja!"
PB 3: "Where's the camera?!"
PB 4: "What the hell? Haha!"
Kagetora: ". . . . ... DAMN IT! HOW DARE THE MOCK BENI-HIME-SAMA *rawr*!!!!!!"
Beni: "They are laughing at you!!"
- Beni and Kagetora (Shinobi Life)

Beni: "-- even though we kissed!!"
Beni-Hime: "Kissed? What's that?"
Beni: "Oh, um, well it's when your lips go like this *motions with hands* I think you call it. . ."
Kagetora: O_O
Beni: ". . .oscu-"
Kagetora: "B-beni-sama!! *covers her mouth* Wh-what are you saying?!?"
Beni: "I'm saying it's called oscula-"
Kagetora: *covers mouth again* "Ah it's nothing Beni-hime-sama!! Ahaha... *turns to Beni* It was a mistake! I just sorta slipped and. . . it was a misunderstanding!! I thought I told you to forget about it!! >Beni: "How am I supposed to forget about...about...that's impossible!!"
Beni-hime: "Hahaha, hahahaha! I'm sorry but your expressions are so funny!!"
Beni/Kagetora: *glance at each other* "Che..."
-Kagetora, Beni, and Beni-Hime (after Beni(formerly known as Beni-hime-sama) and Kagetora go back in time and meet the real Beni-hime)

"Good morning Espada. We're being attacked but first... lets have some tea." - Aizen xD
"Yo. Long time no see" - Kenpachi to Tousen xD
"When you're in high school you should be doing things, about which you could never tell your parents!" - Isshin xD
"Ishida: You are... Pesche Guatiche?
Pesche[Thinks] Impossible. He remembered my name even though I only said it once. [Loud] A-And you're Ishida Uryuu!
Ishida: That's right [Smile]
Pesche[Thinks] He smiles. Is he... [Loud] Do you love me?
Ishida: What?! Why dou you think I love you! Are you stupid?!
Cirucci: Shut up! What that white ant want? Are you a termite or what?
Pesche: What? How dare you call me a termite?! Call me a beetle or something cooler.
Ishida: I don't see any difference.
Pesche: There's huge difference! A beetle is black, shiny and looks cool.
Ishida: Yeah, but you're white.
Pesche:You're the one to talk. Yore dressed white.
Ishida: Because I like white colour. I'm proud of my clothes being white.
Pesche: You're proud of white clothes? It sounds like laundry detergent commercial." xDD

"My favorite words are D-Cup!"-C.T. Smith: Zombie Powder

"PAAANNNDAAA!!!" Shinra-sama (They are my noble masters)

And can you offer me proof of your existance? How can you, when neither modern science, nor philosophy can explain what life is? *Ghost In the Shel*

There are three things I hate in the universe, children, animals, and women with bad attitudes. So tell me Jet, WHY DO WE HAVE ALL THREE NEALY GATHERED ON OUR SHIP?! Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)

I'm not gonna die, I'm just gonna see if I was ever alive spike (cowboy bebop)

Life is like solitaire. The last one standing wins vincent (cowboy bebop)

Lessons Lesson...always follow the stranger Ed (cowboy bebop)

Gintoki: Why are you hiding your eyes like that? Have you been up all night playing tetris?'

''Thats a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world'' (Itachi parody)

"Listen up! What we need is this! Yes, calcium! If we have enough calcium, we can do anything! Trouble with tests? Fighting with your parents? Some girl you like? Odiferous nethers? If you have enough calcium, all of these can be solved!"

Gintoki: "Every since childhood we've dreamed of being pirates. We're looking for the fabled treasure they call "One Pack", right Zura?"
Katsura: "Not Zura, it's Captain Katsura." (One Piece parody )

Gintoki stopped by a metal detector: "Could it be that this can even detect the blade of the soul?"

Gintoki-*staring at his hand in the toilet when there wasn't any toilet paper left* "Do u know why people have 2 hands? thats because..."

"Listen up! Let's say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. But it's cold outside your bed. You don't want to get up, but the urge to urinate is just too strong! You make up your mind to go! You run to the bathroom, stand in front of the toilet, and let loose! You think that all your life has led to this moment! But then you realize! It isn't the bathroom, you're still in bed! That feeling of lukewarm wetness spreads like wildfire! But you don't stop! You can't stop! That's what I'm talking about! THAT'S THE TRUTH OF THE STRAWBERRY MILK! DO YOU GET IT!?"

Gintoki: When a woman says something’s cute, a man just can’t trust it.

Student: No way! Your cigarette smell will spread.
Gintoki: I've told you, this isn't a cigarette. It's a lollipop!
Student: Lollipops don't smoke.
Gintoki: I'm telling you, it's just that it's soooooo lolilolilolied that it smokes. Come on, girls. One of you loan me your whistle. I'll lolly it up.
Girls: NO WAY!

Kagura: "You don't need a driver's license to hit and run!"

Katsura: "Eyebrow Zombies..How about we call them Zombrows?
Gintoki: "Shut up, scum."
Katsura: "They're not scum!" "They're Zombrows"
Gintoki: "At this rate, we may be the only sane ones left in the kabuki district. Isn't there a way to get out of this mess Katsura?"
Katsura: They're not Katsura, they're Zombrows!"
Gintoki: "Crap the Zombrows found- eh?!
*Katsura looks very satisfied and Gintoki kicks him in the face*
Gintoki:" And what are you so happy about?! You seriously piss me off idiot"
Katsura: "Gintoki, I won't forget that, you said it you call them "Zombrows" it's decided they're called Zombrows!"

Sacchan: Everybody okay? We got everyone?
Gintoki: one, two, three, four, five, six..Yeah that's everyone.
Shinpachi: no..wait a minute. Six people? Count one more time please.
Gintoki: I'm telling you it's okay. Me, you, Kagura, Zura, Sa-chan, Hasegawa-san. You see ? six people.
Shinpachi: Hold up! Hasegawa-san is this? This is a pair of sunglasses, right?!
Gintoki: That's right! Hasegawa-san is a pair of sunglasses.
Shinpachi: That's not what I meant! All that's left of Hasegawa-san is this pair of sunglasses!
Kagura: That's right! Madao is only a pair of sunglasses!

Okita: "Wow, the Commander sure is popular. The ignorant masses follow her every where she goes -fall off a cliff and die, Hijikata you bastard."
Hijikata: "What's up with that song? It sounds like it's making fun of us -get beaten up and die under protection, Okita."
Okita: "That's called being overly self-conscious. It just sounds like a sweet love song to me -go to the next world by gas poisoning, Hijikata."
Hijikata: "It feels like our image is just going from bad to worse -fall off a cliff and die Okita.
Okita: "What do we do if there's a terrorist attack? We don't have our swords -soak in hot water and boil to death, Hijikata."
Hijikata: "I don't care anymore -moomin. Let's kill Okita."
Okita: "Die, Hijikata."
Hijikata: "Die, Okita."
Okita: "Die, Okita...oops, messed up...Hijikata."

Matsudaira: "Anyone who wears sunglasses is an assassin."

Kondou: "If we're not careful, Sougo will become a sadist."
Hijikata: "Oh, it's too late for him. He's already Prince of the Planet Sadist."

Gintoki: "My hands' a hook; I can only be a pirate or a coat hanger now!"

Shinpachi: Gin-san, this isn’t looking good.
Gintoki: Yeah, I know. It’s not good to be reading Jump at my age.
Kagura: That’s true, the onigiri you roll taste terrible.
Shinpachi: I don’t mean either of those! I’m talking about this!
Gintoki: Our checkbook?
Kagura: Ha! Don’t make fun of me. You can’t eat a thing like that!

I'm not just a pervert...I'M A SUPER PERVERT
by: Jiraiya (Naruto)

"What can you protect, if your only weapon is your emotions."
by: Kira Yamato (Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny)

"There are things people can't accept, even if they do understand them."
by: Athrun Zala (Gundam Seed/Seed Destiny)

I told you! I'm the man who can make the impossible possible!.
by: Mu La Flaga (Gundam SEED)

"Therefore I will be the God of the New World"
by: Light Yagami (Death Note)

If I sit like a normal person my investigative abilities would be half as effective.
by: L Lawliet (Death Note)

The ocean is so salty because everyone pees in it.
by: Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

Why do women have butts on their chests?.
by: Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

If i get reincarnated... i wanna become a clam.
by: Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)

Onizuka's penis is bit by a snake
Someone. Suck the poison out!...Fuyutsuki-chan. I beg you! Suck it out quickly!.
by: Onizuka Eikichi (Great Teacher Onizuka)

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya, from East Junior High. First off, I'm not interested in ordinary people. But, if any of you are aliens, time-travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all!"
by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on the planet?"
by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Celebrating Mr. Jesus's birthday(Christmas) was fun, why don't we celebrate Buddha's and Muhammad's birthday next time?"
by: Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Sometimes I get the feeling that we're all just a bunch of clowns standing on our tiptoes at the edge of a great abyss."
by: Koizumi Itsuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"We believe that God exists and he exists because we exist."
by: Koizumi Itsuki (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"Problems that cannot be solved do not exist in this world."
by: Yuki Nagato (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"It's amazing how much you kiss your own ass"
by: Kyon (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

"I'm stupid, I'm an airhead, I'm an idiot...just like Tamaki"
by: Hikaru Hitachiin (Ouran Host Club)

"The aura of offensive smell has come to such a strong extent that you can even see it!!"
by: Misaki Ayuzawa (Kaichou wa Maid sama)

"He's like the only ray of hope in a school full of dinosaurs!!"
by: Sakura (Kaichou wa Maid sama)

"What does he want with me? I'm just a mere chicken passing by!!"
by: Kyoko (Skip Beat)

"Im actually a hardcore otaku who likes maids more than having three meals in a day. And I only read books related to maids. Also, I only visit maid cafes. Of course I also collect maid figurines. I play games which feature maids and it turns me on so much that I’ll wear the maid uniform and jump in joy."
by: Usui Takumi (Kaichou wa Maid sama)

"Listen midget! I'm going to curse you and make you shrink 1 cm everyday, and in only 156 days you'll vanish completely!!"
by Koizumi Risa (Lovely Complex)

"What? I'm not her dad?!"
byTamaki Suou (Ouran Host Club)

Nagihiko: Guys, this could be a trap
Yoru: If it means I get to see Ikuto, I'll march right into any trap
(Shugo Chara)

""if you go one step ahead of me i'll make you cry"
by Zero (Vampire Knight)

Kaname: Do you want to be my friend?
Aido: ...No
(Vampire Knight)

Sokka: "Looks like someone had a nice trip to the bathroom!" (Sokka)
Aang: "Yeah... While I was in there-"
Sokka: "I don't even wanna know!"
(Avatar the Last Airbender)

Tamaki: "We need to find a way to motivate her."
Mori: "Fancy Tuna."
(Ouran Host Club)

"Dont you know it's rude to grow mushrooms in other people's closets?!!"'
by: Fujioka Haruhi (Ouran Host Club)

forest burning* Have you ever thought about how this destroys the environment?-Fran-Katekyo Hitman Reborn

I'm not a genuine idiot like you! I'm a idiot that accepts the fact that I'm a idiot!-Aobo Koyo-Katekyo Hitman Reborn

No, please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids, eat them. - Homer Simpson

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

"You sound like a Yakuza trying to sell me a marriage scam" - Ren Tsuruga to Bo (Skip Beat)

(*singing) "White milk and Red Milk. Yellow milk; oh so bad. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. It's our milk festival, ooh..." Train Heartnet (Black Cat)

"You sure talk a lot for a ninja." Many people in (Hunter x Hunter)

"Don't call me short I'll break down your feet and stick them on your head!" Edward Elric Full metal alchemist.

"People die when they are killed" -Shirou Emiya Fate/Stay Night\

I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Dont hesitate to call.
Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

Theres no way a mere, handsome, SEXY, merchant like me could use something like Banki!.
Urahara Kisuke (Bleach)

And so it all begins. This boy’s name is Yusuke. He’s 14 years old and is supposed to be the hero of the story…but oddly enough, he’s dead.
Narrator (Yu Yu Hakusho)

So tell me, what’s it like living in a constant haze of stupidity?
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

I can’t whistle so i just say the words wheet-whoo.
Fay D. Flourite (Tsubasa Chronicles)

I’m not a nerd, I’m a specialist.
Sousuke Sagara (Full Metal Panic!)

All old people know each other. Don’t you know that?
King Bumi (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Kakrot! Is That A Vegetable?! I Hate Vegetables.
Goten (Dragon Ball Z)

You have no effect on me because you are flast chested!.
Laharl (Disgaea)

Master Sergeant Fuery, during your last physical it was discovered you have Athletes Foot, and we now believe it is affecting your brain.
Riza Hawkeye (FullMetal Alchemist)

You need to set up the right atmosphere for a woman…
Atmosphere as in clouds and stuff…?
Higurashi Kagome and Inuyasha (Inuyasha)

You have a swimsuit tan. You could jump in the pool naked and no one would know you weren’t wearing anything.
Ayumu “Osaka” Kasuga (Azumanga Daioh)

True pain takes time, my friend.
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Sokka: Now, men, it’s important that you show no fear when you face a firebender. In the Water Tribe, we fight to the last man standing. For without courage, how can we call ourselves men?
Little boy: I gotta pee.
Sokka: Listen. Until your fathers return from the war, they’re counting on you to be the men of the tribe. And that means no potty breaks!
(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

We just witnessed a classic example of what I call miss directed rage, I believe the technical term is being an ass.
Sohma Shigure (Fruits Basket)

A thief is a creative artist who takes his prey in style, but a detective is nothing more than a critic who follows our footsteps. Kuroba Kaito (Magic Kaito)

Come on, this is contest of freaks, and I’m as normal as they come.
Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist)

If you’re going to modify me, at least turn me into a grasshopper man! Or a beetle man! Or one of those Imagin freaks!.
Itoshiki Nozomu (Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei)

Onizuka’s penis is bit by a snake
Someone. Suck the poison out!…Fuyutsuki-chan. I beg you! Suck it out quickly!.
Onizuka Eikichi (Great Teacher Onizuka)

Tomo: Human bodies are lighter than water, so we should be able to float even if we don’t do anything.
Osaka: Really? But if that’s true, no one would die from drowning.
Tomo: Their bodies always float to the top.
Osaka: I see. I should be a corpse!
Takino Tomo and Ayumu “”Osaka”" Kasuga (Azumanga Daioh)

It’s amazing how much you kiss your own ass.
Kyon (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

Why am I crying in french?!
Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

From this point on, all you opinions will be rejected!.
Kurosaki Ichigo (Bleach)

If there were many clumsy, perverted and fun people like you the world would be a better place.
Tendo Rushuna (Grenadier)

Are you okay? When you turned around the ball hit your face instead but still managed to reach the goal. Very impressive.
Kinomoto Sakura explaining the bandaid on Syaoran Li’s nose (Cardcaptor Sakura)

Let’s say you drink too much strawberry milk and you have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night,but its to cold outside your bed you dont want to get up but the URGE TO URINATE IS JUST TO STRONG. You make up your mind and go you run to the bathroom, stand infront of the toilet, and let loose! you think your whole life has led up to this moment! BUT THEN YOU REALIZE IT ISNT THE BATHROOM YOU’RE STILL IN BED! The feeling of the luke warm wetness spreads like wildfire! BUT YOU DON’T STOP! YOU CANT STOP. THAT IS THE TRUTH OF STRAWBERRY MILK DO YOU GET IT PEOPLE!?!?!? STRAWBERRY MILK! STRAWBERRY MILK! STRAWBERRY MILK!!!
Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)

If we are to trade insults on flamboyant lifestyles, you may not come out with the upper hand.
Sohma Yuki (Fruits Basket)

Celebrating Mr. Jesus’s birthday(Christmas) was fun, why don’t we celebrate Buddha’s and Muhammad’s birthday next time?.
Suzumiya Haruhi (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

Spike Spiegel: Hey, Jet, did you know that there are three things that I hate?
Jet Black: Whatever…
Spike Spiegel: Kids… animals… and women with attitude.
Jet Black: Oh?
Spike Spiegel: So why do we have all three neatly gathered on our ship!
(Cowboy Bebop)

At least your act is tough.
Genkai (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Why don’t we drink to me and my reflection in your lovely eyes?.
Cowboy Andy (Cowboy Bebop)

I can bask in the valley of the gods
Kon – Talking about Orihime’s boobs (Bleach)

As much as I can’t stand the humans, I think I loathe tourists even more.
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

I can show you what color your brain is.
Revy (Black Lagoon)

And while you’re waiting for us to kill you, we highly recomend p*ssing yourself, Followed by a course of praying to your impudent god. And cowarding in the corner and begging, always good. But if you act now, theres still time for an old-fashioned Suicide!! Thank you London! We love you! goodnight!!.
Yan Valentine (Hellsing)

Sokka: I’m too young to die!
Old Fisherman: I’m not but I still don’t wanna!
(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

If you die, don’t come crying to me about it.
Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)

Uncle Iroh: So this is how Commander Zhao acts in defeat? Disgraceful. Even in exile, my nephew has more honor than you. Thank you for the tea. It was delicious.
Prince Zuko: Do you really mean that, Uncle?
Uncle Iroh: Of course. I told you ginseng tea is my favorite.
(Avatar: The Last Airbender)

And I’m known for my bullets never missing their mark. Especially if it’s the heart of a beautiful lady. BANG!
Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

It’s a nice night to grab a bite to drink.
Alucard (Hellsing)

She’s between a rock in my hard place.
Kazuharu Fukuyama (Girls Bravo)

What smells like old milk….Oh I know…. Its YOU….you know you should stop sucking your moms tits when you get into high school.
Hiruma Yoichi (Eyeshield 21)

It’s a nice night to grab a bite to drink.
Alucard (Hellsing)

If i get reincarnated…. i wanna become a clam.
Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)

I think that when Christmas-time comes…
There’s a red-nosed reindeer. That’s mean. “”Your shining nose is useful in the fog…”" The way he said it doesn’t help at all. If you tell a bald man his head is useful in the dark, you’d get punched in the face. Santa Claus says such cruel things.
Ayumu “Osaka” Kasuga (Azumanga Daioh)

Real men know when to run like a little bitch
(Desert Punk)

Sousuke Sagara: [to a mass of hysterical students] What are you people crying for?
Kaname Chidori: Quiet, you! We’re all busy reflecting on the human conscience right now. You just stay over there and die!
Sousuke Sagara (Full Metal Panic!)

One shot is for all you did to everyone here… And all the rest are because you messed up my clothing.
Cross Marian (D.Gray-man)

It’s not the outside that counts, but there’s a limit to that, too.
Atsuko Chiba (Paprika)

All men are jealous and stupid, and all women are stupid to be happy about it, idiots are everywhere you look…
Horo (Spice and Wolf)

The ocean is so salty because everyone pees in it.
Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

Yesterday, I had the most TERRIFYIN’ experience! …Last night, I was all alone in my room… when outta nowhere…
Ayumu “Osaka” Kasuga (Azumanga Daioh)

Don’t tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can’t he come up with something more original?
Lina Inverse (Slayers)

That painting is large and unattractive. It reminds me of your mother.
Richard Moore speaking to his daughter (Detective Conan)

Okay, I can handle the library being gone, but there’s no Haagen Dazs, Mr. Donuts, or Denny’s here!.
Yuki Miaka (Fushigi Yugi)

Thank you! Fuck you! The villain has arrived!.
Ladd Russo (Baccano!)

For me see apples are like ciggerets and liquor for humans if i dont my body goes in withdrawal.
What are the symptons?
My body twists and i look realy creepy.
You already do look kinda creepy
thanks a lot light……
don’t mention it.
Ryuk and Yagami Raito (Death Note)

You’re a team player, a save the day superhero. I hate people like you.
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

A train robbery is where you take a train to your destination, make your move, and take a train back, right?
Isaac Dian (Baccano!)

Yes I’ve used a condom before. They can store up to 1 liter of water.
Sousuke Sagara (Full Metal Panic!)

Dog, huh? I LOVE DOGS!
Kain Fuery: Really? You mean it?!
OF COURSE! Dogs embody loyalty! They follow their master’s commands above all else! Be a jerk to them and they don’t complain and they never once beg for a paycheck! Trust me, Fuery, they’re the great servants of man! (sings) LOYAL CANINE, HOW WE SALUTE THEE!.
Roy Mustang and Kain Fuery (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Why do women have butts on their chests?
Son Goku (Dragon Ball Z)

She’ll have good kids…By asexual reproduction.
Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)

Kagura: Now, if we accept that Santa doesn’t exist – do reindeer exist?
Tomo: [after a bout of explosive laughter] This girl believes in reindeer! [Continues laughing, the other girls gasp.]
Yomi: Reindeer do exist.
(Azumanga Daioh)

Edward Elric: I said get down on the ground!
Russell Tringham : What? So we can see eye to eye
(Fullmetal Alchemist)

The Santa that showed up at my Kindergarden Christmas festival? I knew he was fake. And I never saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, either. But I have to say, even as a little kid I knew better to believe in some old man who worked only one day a year.
Kyon (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

Sorry I’m late. I got lost on the road of life.
Hatake Kakashi (Naruto)

Goku! I’d rather die than fuse with you!
But Vegeta, we’re already dead!.
Goku and Vegeta (Dragon Ball Z)

If I sit like a normal person my investigative abilities would be half as effective.
L (Death Note)

I’ve had enough of you Vegeta! Time to tuck you in and say goodnight!!.
Zarbon (Dragon Ball Z)

There, you’re not so bad, you just dress bad
parasite in D’s hand (Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust)

I see. Ayane is the type of person who is thinking positively to the extent of being stupid.
Suzu (Nagasarete Airantou)

I am pissed off at your insensitive inability to understand why i’m pissed off in the first place!
Hachi (Nana)

Emperor, you’re very popular with the guys.
Mitsukake (Fushigi Yugi)

The letters I’ve written before are all blackmail to people.
I’m not sure if I know how to write a real letter.
Killua Zoldyck (Hunter x Hunter)

Sanity? Sorry, but I don’t remember having such a useless thing in the first place.
Zaraki Kenpachi (Bleach)

I, Misao Makimachi, see no compelling reason to give villians like you my name!.
Misao Makimachi (Rurouni Kenshin)

I know as much of games as hugs and puppies, and care for them even less.
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

I wouldn’t mind if you want to kill me, but I might struggle a bit
Trowa Burton (Gundam Wing)

Is that all you have to say, they’re last words you know.
Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Can you stop guessing if they got the question right based on the amount of time left when they cut to commercial!?.
Hiiragi Kagami (Lucky Star)

God’s not at home. He’s on vacation at Vegas.
Eda (Black Lagoon)

You tried peeking at me in the showers!.
It’s just natural curiosity towards the unknown!.
Sheena Fujibayashi and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia)

When you meet with scary people, you must always protect your wallet and asshole!
(Full Metal Panic! The Second Raid)

If I sit like a normal person my investigative abilities would be half as effective.
L (Death Note)

Women’s minds and Autumn Winds Change Often.
Hap (Eureka Seven)

Give a kid a smoke he’ll be happy for a day.
Teach him how to smoke… he’ll be happy for a whole shortened life.
Eikichi Onizuka (Great TeacherOnizuka)

Hmm how shall I say this… My first impression is… I don’t like you guys.
Hatake Kakashi (Naruto)

In addition to knowing the secrets of the Universe, I can assure you that I am also quite potty trained.
Koenma (Yu Yu Hakusho)

I’m literally hemorrhaging generosity.
Zaraki Kenpachi (Bleach)

Kakashi: That’s it? Then I’ll show you. Underneath this mask…
Naruto,Sasuke,Sakura: Uh-huh…
Kakashi: Underneath this mask…
Naruto,Sasuke,Sakura: Yeah…
Kakshi: Underneath this mask… Is another mask!
Kakshi (Naruto)

I’ll take a potato chip AND EAT IT!
Light Yagami (Death Note)

I’m so beautiful it scares me!
Hotohori (Fushigi Yugi)

Yusuke : back to skipping detentions.
Kuwabara : video games!
Kurama : my human mother.
Hiei : Various crimes.
(Yu Yu Hakusho)

I like the way this girl operates! She showed me her butt before she shows me her face! Is she a stripper
Onizuka (Great Teacher Onizuka)

Damn it, there’s so many idiots who’s asses I have to kick! I’ll have to start carrying a list just to keep track of them all!
Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist)

Will you bear my child?
Miroku (InuYasha)

It’s irrational. It’s impossible. It’s against my religion.
Miroku (Inuyasha)

Oh, How could I forget, you have a thing for Dead Girls!
Kagome (Inuyasha)
Pain is nothing. It’s death that concerns me.
Miroku (Inuyasha)

Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

I dont like it, it smells girly!
Kuwabara Kazuma (Yu Yu Hakusho)

Why so blue green man?
Raditz (Dragonball Z)

They were traps? I thought they were attractions
Killua (Hunter X Hunter)

What tremendous strength, I bet she’s single.
Kabuto (Naruto)

I don’t care what you call me, i’m still taking your cake
L (Death Note)

Misa: I can’t even imagine a world without Light
L: Yes, it would be quite dark.
(Death Note)

My plan was perfect but there was one thing I overlooked, one factor I failed to calculate, he’s a dumbass…and there’s no accounting for Dumbass….Ness.
Agito Wanijima (Air Gear)

Okay, here’s the plan: We go in, start hitting people, and see where it takes us.
Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist)

High school girls! 1, 2, 3! High School Girls! All for me!
Sohma Shigure (Fruits Basket)

If you have time to think of a beautiful end, then live beautifully until the end.
Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)

Look deep into my eyes and accept my sincere apology! Also notice my handsome manly features.
Might Guy (Naruto)

The key in turning people on is a girl with a lolita face and big breasts.
Haruhi Suzumiya (The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)

Mugen: You sure do eat a lot.
Fuu: There’s always room for free food.
(Samurai Champloo)

Do you have any idea how stupid we are? Don’t underestimate us!!!.

I’m telling you this because you don’t get it, you think you get it, which isn’t the same as actually getting it. Get it?
Hatake Kakash (Naruto)

It doesn’t matter who they are, I won’t forgive anyone who tries to stand out more than me.
Black Star (Soul Eater)

Do you know of my hat?
Excalibur (Soul Eater)

How can woman say completely illogical stuff with such complete confidence?!
Soul (Soul Eater)

When a woman says something’s cute, a man just can’t trust it
Sakata Gintoki (Gintama)

A life without gambling is like sushi without wasabi

Stress makes you bald, but it’s stressful to avoid stress, so you end up stressed out anyway,
so in the end there’s nothing you can do.

I have an unhealthy obsession with pandas.

Write down your 10 favorite Hetalia characters in no particular order then answer the questions!

1. Germany

2. Italy

3. America

4. Japan

5. China

6. Greece

7. Spain

8. Sweden

9. Latvia

10. Poland

What would you do if...

1 woke you up in the middle of the night?

Germany. I would scream and punch him in the face...then again I do that to everyone.

2 asked you to go out with him?

Italy. Say "HELL YES!!"

3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering.

America. I'd ask him if he was into girls or not, then throw a bar of soap at him.

4 announced he's going to marry 9 tomorrow?

Japan and Latvia. I would die then come back to life and scream SHOTA and stalk the wedding.

5 cooked you dinner?

China. I've always wanted to have Chinese food from the China, so EPIC!!!

7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family?

Spain. JSBFKBGBSDKGADK AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! I would hug him and scream "MI FAMILIA!!!"

6 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping?

Greece. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!! I guess I'd stare and take a few pictures, I'd also play with his cats.

8 got into the hospital somehow?

Sweden. O_O WTF happened?!? I mean i know he's a rebel but I assumed that he was a smart one!!!!

9 made fun of your friends?

Latvia. i don't think that would ever happen because lets face it, we love him but he probably can't stand up for himself let alone make fun of someone. It's a sad fact of life. But if he was I would assume that he finally snapped or lost his mind.

10 ignored you all the time?

Poland. not very surprising seeing how he is Poland after all, but I would get him my attention by flashing my $50 Khols gift card, SHOPPING!!!!!

Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 do?

Germany. He would kick their skinny yellow asses.

You're on a vacation with number 2 and manage to break your leg. What does 2 do?

Italy. He would probably panic so I would have to drag myself to the hospital, or he would call Germany.

It's your birthday. What will 3 give you?

America. He would throw me a huge-ass party like he always does and lord knows what he would get me.

You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do?

Japan. He'd use his awesome jujitsu powers and put out the fire.

You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 do?

China. He'd hit me on the head with a ladle, probably.

You're about to marry number 10. What's 6's reaction?

Poland and Greece. Poland I'm pretty sure is gay and Greece would think that we were both on drugs.

You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up?

Spain. He would cheer me up by flirting with me. LOL he's so Spanish. XD

You're angry about it afterwards, how does 8 calm you down?

Sweden. He'd probably beat the bastard up for me, and I would gladly compensate him for his time.

You compete in some tournament. How does 9 support you?

Latvia. He'd probably sit there and clap whilst shaking. I think that's a medical condition...

You can't stop laughing. What will 1 do?

Germany. He'd probably yell at me and demand that I stop laughing.

1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why?

Germany. I cosplay and it was my dream to successfully do it. I got a lot of compliments at ComiCon so dream come true.

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

5. I am not allowed to attempt to breed a liger.

6. I will not go to class skyclad.

7.The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.

15. Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.

16. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".

19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

20. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror."

21. It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."

22. I will not call Lucius Malfoy "Jareth".

23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

24. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

25. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

26. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

27. I am not a tribble Animagus.

28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

31. Sirius Black is not #24601.

32. I will not lick Trevor.

33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

34. I am not being repressed.

35. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross.

36. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

38. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.

41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

44. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".

45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.

46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

49. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

When I get sent to the headmasters office, I will Not sing 'We're off to see the wizard!'


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

If you have ever (almost) taken over the world, but were distracted by something shiny, copy and paste this into your profile.(the nickel was soooo shiny)

You love hoodies.
You love jeans.
Dogs are better than cats.
It's hilarious when people get hurt.(Only sometimes:D)
You've played with/against boys on a team.
Shopping is torture.
Sad movies suck.
You own/ed an X-Box.
Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
You own/ed a DS, PS or Sega.
You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
You watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
Baggy pants are cool to wear.
It's kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
Green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colors.
You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun.
Talk with food in your mouth.
Sleep with your socks on at night.
Total: 8/25


You wear lip gloss/stick.
Cats are better than dogs.
You love to shop.(For booksXD)
You were eyeliner.
You wear the color pink.(Sometimes...)
Go to your mom for advice.
Pink, yellow, orange, purple or gold is one of your favorite colors.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the shopping center.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelery.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.(Especially with my loved ones. But when I shop, books are the ones that I look for!XD)
You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were/are in gymnastics/dance
It takes you around/more one hour to shower.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body perfume.
You love the movies.(Especially with loved ones!:D)
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like being the star of every thing.
Love romances(In stories and real life:D)

The child and his mother:

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Will’s experience at the airport:

After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.

She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

Then she asked Will, “Has your plane arrived yet?”

Clever kids:

A police officer found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so he investigated and found the problem.

A 10 years old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said “Radar Trap Ahead.”

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy’s accomplice: another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket at his feet full of change.

Caught Speeding

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Teaching the Tribe

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy... activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

Unlucky Young Man

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Jack and Jill Rhyme

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

Shopping Expedition

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan they were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From the inside they head a Pakistani accent say, "you foreigners come in. Come in my humble shop." so the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel"

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being a sex hero he as.

The husband, "how could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Pakistani man replied, why don't you see for yourself?"

Well , the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on.

As soon as he slipped then onto this feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in years-- raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye the husband rushed of too the Pakistani man threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants.

All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"

1, 2, 3 uh

One night these two midget brothers walk into a bar and one says "Man I'm tired of screwing midget girls lets screw real women." So the other guy agreed.

5 minutes later two blonde's walk into the bar and sit by the two midgets.

So the four of them get talking and the midgets ask if they want to come to there hotel rooms and stay the night and have sex.

So the two blonde's decide to go.

In the first room the blonde and the midget were getting it on when the midget says "Oh baby, I'm sorry this has never happened before, but I can't get hard"

So they give up and lay down to go asleep. But through the wall from the second room they hear "1, 2, 3 uh 1, 2, 3 uh", which keeps up all night long.

So the next day after the blonde's leave the brothers meet each other again and discuss how there night went.

The first midget says "Oh, my night was terrible. I just couldn't get hard."

The second midget replies "Mine was worse than that"

"What do you mean" said the first guy. "I heard you going "1, 2, 3 uh all night long".

To which the second guy replies "Yeah! I couldn't get on the damn bed"

Once upon a time there was a man with a 25 inch penis.

Any guy would be excited to have such a big penis, but this man was not.

So one day his friend told him about a witch who could help him.

So the friend gave the man the witch's address.

The next day he visited the witch.

After telling the witch his problems she asked to she his penis.

After showing her, she thought for awhile and finally came up with an answer.

"Go into the woods and find a frog.

Ask the frog to marry you and each time it says no, your gigantic jewels will shrink 5 inches."

The man quickly ran to the woods.

After searching for an hour he finally found a frog.

He ran up to it and asked it to marry him.

"NO Thank You" the frog said.

The man looked down and watched his penis go from 25 inches to 20.

The man asked the frog two more times, and again, it replied no.

Once he was at 15 inches he thought 10 inches would be perfect, so he went up to the frog and asked it to marry him.

The frog replied.

"How many times do I have to tell you... NO, NO, NO"

The man looked down at his jewels and watched it go from 15 to 10, and from 10 to 5, and finally from 5 to not even a centimeter.

Why did you have to die?

A man was at a grave yard.

He began to moan "Why did you die oh why did you have to die?"

A passer by knelt down next to the man and said "Was this person very close to you?"

"No, actually i never met him!" replied the man
"Why are you moaning then?" asked the passer-by coursously.
"He was my wife's first husband!"

Dear mum,

I am writing you this note to say that I haven't been honest to you lately.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Dragon and he lives in a trailer in the woods he wears biker clothes and deals Ecstasy.

I am moving in with him and I am four months pregnant.

His friends will come over all the time so I can get a little frisky with them.

We will make a living out of growing drugs and selling them to Dragons friends as are both already drug addicts, we will live a life of drugs beer and all the sex.

Wish us luck

I am at the neighbors house, all of the above was a lie I just wanted to let you know there are worse things in life than my report card which is in the top drawer.


Pub Steakout

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.

Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.

The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.

When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"

To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

Miser's Final Wish

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

The Well-Dressed Salesman

A little old man answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a very well-dressed young man in a navy blue pinstriped suit, red silk tie, white shirt, shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Get lost, Mister fancy suit!" said the old man. "I haven't got any money" and he proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the young man emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.

"I got a better idea" said the old man, looking the young man up and down "If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls."

"Fine, sir!" said the young man confidently.

"That fancy suit and tie are gonna look good on me!" said the old man."But take them shoes off first!"

"But sir! I haven't demonstrated the vacuum yet!"

"Yes, you have. The electricity ain't workin"..."

Barefoot in a Pinstriped Suit

I use public transportation to get to and from work. It is much more relaxing than driving, however it also means I must put up with the occassional jerk. This morning, I was treated to a yuppie jerk getting a comeuppance.

There were 2 men sitting directly across from me on the Metro train. One man was the typical arrogant, imeccably dressed lawyer type: navy blue pin stripe suit, starched white shirt, cufflinks, suspenders, silk tie, polished, tassled loafers, with his legs crossed and work stretched out with no regard for the person seated next to him. The other man was a much older guy, dressed kind of shabbily, small and thin, and he was getting annoyed at being tapped with the bottom of the expensive shoe from the Master of the Universe with the crossed legs next to him.

The train was very crowded and when the old guy was ready to exit the train, he excused himself and stood. Pinstripes didn't even bother to stand to let him out. He simply shifted in his seat, with his legs still crossed.

As the old man exited, he suddenly reached over and slipped the offending tassled loafer from hotshot's extended foot. Then, he reached under the cuff of the tailored suit and pulled off his dress sock. In a second, the old man was out of the train, and the executive was so stunned that he only realized what he did after the doors had closed and he could do nothing about it.

So there he sat, in his $1500 suit and his $100 tie and his monogrammed cufflinks, wearing only one very expensive shoe and one black business sock, staring at his bare foot while turning crimson and purple.

I looked out the window and saw the old guy holding up the polished shoe and the sock and laughing. He looked like a hunter holding up a trophy.

I laughed my head off, as did several others who witnessed this. He was smart enough not to look for sympathy from any of us.

Another old guy looked at him with pity, though, and tapped him on the shoulder. He pulled something out of a plastic bag: it was a pair of plastic flip-flops! The man explained that he didn't need them, and suit-boy took them without speaking, and took off his remaining shoe and sock, replacing what had been a pair of $500 shoes with $2.98 flip-flops.

Now THAT is a humbling experience.

This Guy Needs Help

Below is a letter published in a British personal advice column.

I am a sailor in the New Zealand Navy. My parents live in the suburb of Seatoun and one of my sisters, who lives in Palmerston North, is married to a guy from Manchester, England. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes in Auckland.I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Mount Eaden Prison, Auckland, for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in the Wellington remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Christchurch and indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancee utilising her knowledge of the industry, working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a Manchester United fan?

the head guy

There once was two people Lisa and Brian

They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.

So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.

So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever.

When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.

When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.

After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.

As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died.

The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head"

Funny Email Typo

Below is a genuine email send out to staff at an unnamed company.

To: All Staff
Subject: Copier
Please, please please please please - I am begging - keep any and all paper clips away from the copier!

We have had two service calls in the last few days removing paper clips, staples and a binder clip from the innards of the copier.

PLEASE be really really really really careful around the copier. Especially the document handler, which seems to suck clits like a vacuum cleaner.

Thanks for your help.

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!

Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

The tattoo story

There once was this lady who was a big fan of B.B. King.

As she was listening to the radio the announcer was giving away backstage passes to, none other than, B.B. King.

Being the right caller to the show, and winning the tickets, she decided to go and do something unique for her favourite blues singer.

She went down to the local tattoo shop and asked the artist to put a 'B' on each of her butt cheeks.

After he was finished, she paid the man and went on her way.

She arrived at the concert, ticket in hand, and enjoyed the show.

After it was over she proceeded to the backstage area

Once she got face to face with the blues legend she said "Mr. King. I have been a fan of yours for quite some time, and to prove it I want to show you something."

With that, she turned around, bent over, and dropped her pants to proudly display her new artwork.

B.B. King responded "Oh, I see. Who the hell is BoB?"

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together.

Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

10 Signs You Might Be Trailor Trash

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

I see the wheel is spinning, but the hamster looks dead.

If you had another brain, it would be lonely.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.

He is the kind of a man that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

If you were my dog, I'd shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards.

You've got an IQ of 2. Pitty it takes 3 to grunt.

It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

I would not allow this student to breed.

Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

Tape Web

Grab a roll of transparent duct tape and put a bunch of strips on the door post so that the door does not open into the tape, but away from it.

Also make sure the room that the door goes into has only one door (the one you're putting the tape on) and no one is inside the room at the moment.

The next person who walks into that room will get caught in the tape.

Toilet Pranks

Prank 1... An old classic.

Place cling film (plastic wrap) accross the toilet bowl and lower the seat.

Prank 2...

Add a thin layer of Vaseline to the toilet seat. Your victim won't know what it is.

Prank 3...

Wait until you're sure the toilet will remain unused for at least 24 hours.

Get 2 - 3 packets of powdered jello and mix it into the toilet water until dissolved.

Let it set. (The more jello you use the harder it will set)

Coin Prank

When nobody is looking, take some regular school glue and a coin.

Put some glue on the bottom of the coin and stick it to the ground.

Make sure the glue is completely dry before someone tries to pick it up

If glue is dry, sit back and watch as people try to pick up the coin, not realizing that there's glue on it

Quick Simple Practical Jokes

When you visit your friends house, put a squirt of washing up liquid in their dishwasher. Next time they run it suds will come oozing out the door.

Place a coin on the ground and wait for someone to bend down to pick it up. As they do, tear a piece of fabric and the'll think they just burst their pants.

Tie a thin, almost invisable piece of thread to a coin and place it on the ground. Wait for someone to bend down towards it and pull it away at the last second.

Wait 'till someone is drinking a can of fizzy soda and when their not looking drop in some sugar or a sugar sweet. The soda will fizz up and start pouring uncontrolably out of the can.

Snot Prank

Get some geen jello and mash it up with some tiny bits of balled up lettuce.

Stuff it up you nose.

When someones watching, fake a sneeze all over your hands.

For best effect, eat it !

Practical Joke Soap

This is a very simple prank.

Simply get a new bar of soap and paint it with clear nail varnish.

Let it dry and place it out to be used.

Envelope Prank

Fill a large brown envelope about 70% with shaving foam.

Close over the flap but don't seal it.

Place it part way, flap first under a friends door and call them to get it.

When you hear them walking towards it, jump on the back end of the envelope and shaving foam will spray everywhere.

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

Little Johnny's Exciting Story

One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently.

Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida.

Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time.

Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period.

He said, "Hell if I know but my sister said she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy nextdoor killed himself."

Signs You Might Be A Redneck

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You own a homemade fur coat.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

Chop It Off

One night after work a group of male friends go to a bar for a few drinks before heading home.

After a while one of the group keeps seeing a leprachaun running up to his beer & blowing into it making a funny noise with his lips.

At first he thinks he must be drunk & just seeing things so he waited for it to happen again.

Sure enough after a couple of minutes the leprachaun runs out & blows into his glass of beer making a funny noise with his lips.

He looks around at his friends but none of them seemed to have seen it.

Again he waits to be sure he is not just seeing things & again it happens.

By now he is very angry & confused & asks his friends if any of them saw him. They say no they didn't.
He says, next time he does it i'm gonna catch him and chop off his dick.

After another couple of minutes the leprechaun runs out & is just about to blow in his cup when the guy catches him & says YES I GOT YOU!!! NOW I'M GOING TO CHOP OFF YOUR DICK!!!

The Leprachaun just starts laughing.
The guy says, mate what the hell are you laughing for, a guys about to chop off your dick.
The leprachaun replies well because I dont have a dick.

The man sits holding this leprachaun puzzled before asking well how do you piss?

The Leprechaun then runs up to the glass of beer & blows into it making a funny noise with his lips.

What Not To Say To A Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. , I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

"Don't say it's okay to give up just cause you're a zombie." - Arrested Man (Story 4 - Naive Gespenst)

"I'm gonna die from a dicking." - I don't remember

-This scene takes place after make-up sex after Akira(uke) sees Kyousuke(seme) out with a female co-worker and misunderstands the situation.

Akira: "Kyousuke ... Bring a guy next time you want to go out, so there wont be any misunderstandings, okay?"

Kyousuke: Turning to face Akira with a stern look - "What are you talking about? Wouldn't that be worse?"

Akira: "Huh?"

Kyousuke: "I'm gay, remember? (you knew that)"

Akira: "Ah ... (right)"- Love Seeker

Masaharu: "Are you ok if you are the uke?"
Tomo: "Ah...Hyaaaa...I have only been a uke..."
Masaharu: "I just knew it...your waist is so thin"

from Koibito Shigan by Minami Haruka

Misaki - Am I giving off homo pheromones?! How creepy!!

-you see who!?
-the guy who screwed me and
dissapeared! He's wearing
clothes, but I'm positive
that's him!

-moaning sounds entire time-
Suzaku: "Ahh, you're so cute, Lulu..."
Lelouch: "Don't say unneccessary things... get on with it..."
C.C: "So loooooud..."

Cat: "Since you've saved me, to show my appreciation for your kindness, I'll grant you one wish. You name it."
Ichigo: "I'd like to see Ishida with cat ears and a tail."

"I can't believe I did that. I just came out of the closet for real, didn't I? And I did it with a smile. 'Hello, Japan. I'm gay!'" - says Eiri Yuki from Gravitation .

"The pain... the pleasure... and the shame all drive me crazy."

Misaki Takahashi
-Junjou Romantica

"I don't want to see your privates this early in the morning!"
"You used to love my privates!"

- Isaac and Jamal, Black Sun by Ogasawara Uki

"No!! Stop, you perverted old man!"

"Are you alright?"
"Of course not!"

"Your thing is poking me!!"
-Kimitachi Okoko no Ko.

"No, pause! I just went into totally stupid girly virgin mode!!"
Takahashi Misaki

"If you care for me in the same way I do for you,
I'll become giddy with joy, push my luck,
and believe I'm the most deliriously happy person in the world."
Okujou no Bai-Bai

"Don't worry about it. Wear what you want. Wear nothing, if you want. I wouldn't mind. Hey, we should make that a rule. Naked Friday or something."

Hell, it might even be a way around his father's edict about no more homosexual affairs. 'He's not a man, Dad. He's an alien.'

"Caldwell." He offered his hand, and Caldwell did not hesitate to take it. "Nothing personal," Dean said. "I don't know you. I shouldn't have called you a cocksucker."

Caldwell shrugged. "Technically it's a perfectly accurate description, Mr. Secretary," he allowed, with complete composure.

Like a hankie is really necessary to tell that a guy is smoking a cigar.

There's never an annoying co-worker/enlisted man/boss/cop/alien around who says: "Gee, you two spend a lot of time together...are you gay?"

Many individuals will find that their tastes vary over time, or affix themselves to a certain person rather than a sex in general.

"It ran through my mind," Dean continued, "to call you a persistent little bugger, but you would probably have told me it was a perfectly accurate description – and I think that comes under the heading of 'too much information'. Don't you, Colonel?"

They settled on Fiesta Ware in burgundy and dark blue and because it wasn’t girly, and they could agree on the colors. Partly. Sam kept trying to explain that the colors were actually called cinnabar and cobalt, Dean responded that to people with actual testosterone in their bodies, they were just red and blue.

(This is just some stuff I made up.)


1. You don't seem to mind guy on guy pedophilia as much as you should

2. You walk in on the guy you like being with another guy, a normal girl would scream and cry but you laugh and take pictures

3. You'll watch a show just for the yaoi potential

4. If the guy character has a girlfriend yo refer to her as the 'no good bitch' and kill her in your head

5. You seriously consider stalking a homosexual wedding and the honeymoon

6. You want to go to a gay bar just for the live 'yaoi entertainment'

7. You create a fake profile on a website and just check out all the NC-17 stuff

8. You keep a yaoi doujinshi on you at all times

9. You try to get your friends into yaoi

10. You sometimes wish you could be re-born as a gay guy


NORMAL PEOPLE: Will vote for gay marriage to be legal for human rights. YAOI FANS: Will vote for gay marriage to be legal so that they can stalk them.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Will watch a TV show because they think it's interesting. YAOI FANS: Will watch a TV show for the slash potential.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Will scream and cry if the guy they like is actually gay. YAOI FANS: Will laugh and take pictures.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Spend their free time hanging out with friends/doing homework/going to parties. YAOI FANS: Spend their free time on the internet watching yaoi animes/reading yaoi doujinshis/ reading yaoi fanfictions/looking at yaoi fanart

NORMAL PEOPLE: Will more than often support the straight couples if it's there. YAOI FANS: Will support the yaoi couples and even create crack one's all for their own entertainment.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Will watch something like wrestling because they like the fighting. YAOI FANS: Will watch something like wrestling because there's nothing better than muscular guys sweating in tights in those kinds of positions.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Like straight romance. YAOI FANS: More often than not think straight is normal and normal is boring.

NORMAL PEOPLE: Will ignore this. YAOI FANS: Will re-post this.

I am not a thing; my name is Leonard Church, and you shall fear my LASER FACE!

[last words] Oh, son of a--

Tuuuuckkkerrr... Tuuuuuckkkerrrr... I'm the ghost of Church, and I've come back with a waaarrrrningg...

All right, that's it. I swear to God, Caboose, your ass is haunted. When we're done here, I'm going to haunt you.

[when Tex threatens to kill him] No you can't! I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!

There's a fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.

I mean if I was killed by an alien, or a mobster, or you know, like some sort of sorority blow job massacre, that I can handle.

You know what? I fuckin' hate you.

What can I tell you, pal? Misery loves company.

Hey, is my body on straight?

What can I say, dip shit? For better or worse, I'm back.


Relax, I'm not going to give it a cold. I'm just gonna go in there, step on its neck, and shoot it in the head. Because that's how I roll.

I can't believe I died for this war.

If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fuckin' smash it!

From now on if anyone's gonna make my girlfriend cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me.

"No matter how bad things seem-- "
"They could be worse."
"Nope. No matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit yer bitching."

Okay guys, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a missing girlfriend, a guy who's pregnant, an idiot who thinks his pet just died, AND our worst enemy is hanging out unsupervised in our base right now. So I really, really, REALLY don't have time for this HORSESHIT RIGHT NOW!

I will fucking stab you, computer phone lady! [later in same phone call] There is no eleven, YOU FUCKING WHORE!

I guess that's why we get along so well. We're both just a couple of lovers.

[sarcastically] That's right... I'm a gay robot.

Hey guys what's up? Man, your jeep got FUCKED UP! And who's the big dude? What's up gigantor? [referring to the Meta who tries to grab him while growling] Whoa, you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Caboose: Hey Church, ever wonder why we're here?
Church: You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that has happened, you know what I learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant, or an idiot, or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise them on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they are a complete and total fucking douche bag.
Caboose: ...I meant why are we up here in the sun when we could be standing down there in the shade.
Church: Oh. Yeah, okay. Let's go stand in the shade.

A great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. Then you can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient and you hold still, well maybe, just maybe, it'll come to you. I just have to be somewhere she can find me. And I mean, hell... if you have to live the rest of your life in a memory... you might as well make it a good one.

Church: [to Tucker] So yeah it's like I was saying...
Caboose: Um Mr. Church? Sorry for y'know, calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: Rookie! Shut up! Just shut up! You're driving me crazy! Get in there!
Donut: [to Church and Tucker] Uh sirs, can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, Rookie. If I turn around, and you are not inside the base... I, I can't be held responsible for what i'm going to do to you.

Church: Caboose! Get in that tank and give us cover fire!
Caboose: OKAY.
Church: And don't shoot me this time!
Caboose: OKAY. [immediately shoots Church]
Caboose: Wait... what was that first part again?

Washington: But when the EMP goes off--
Church: When it goes off, I'll be fine. It only affects computers, remember? And I am a motherfuckin' ghost.

Tucker: Church! Hey Church, come on!
Church: [growls] God damn it! What!? What do you want!?

Sarge: Now, Lopez...
Lopez: "Oh, God. Please, I don't want to have a moment."
Sarge: ...I know we've had a lot of good times together...
Lopez: "Don't do this."
Sarge:'ve always relied on my guidance and protection...
Lopez: "You couldn't even win the fight with the teenage girl."
Sarge: ...but you're going to be on your own now.
Lopez: "Good."
Sarge: I've prepared you for the world the best I could.
Lopez: "You programmed me in a language no one here speaks."
Sarge: Take care of yourself, and always remember I'll be thinking about you.
Lopez: "I'm going to erase every memory of you the second you leave. Just like I did for [FILE DELETED] and [FILE DELETED]."
Sarge: Nope. No words, Lopez. I'll see you again in a better place. Adiós, amigo, adiós.
Lopez: "Just go, you stupid old man."
Sarge: I'll miss you too, Lopez! Every single day! I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
Lopez: "Less talking, more leaving."
Sarge: Me too, Lopez! Me too!
Lopez: "The gas pedal is on the right."

Simmons: No. You're doing it wrong, Lopez. Just gimme your wrench.
Lopez: "This is a hammer, you fucking idiot."

Simmons: Hey, Lopez, turn off your ears for a second.
Lopez: "What? Why would I do that?"
Simmons: Okay, are they off?
Lopez: "Yeah, they are off. That's why I can answer you."
Simmons: Okay, good! [tells Donut that they should leave Lopez behind if the vehicle isn't big enough since he is expendable and a loyal robot] Hey, Lopez, you can turn your ears back on again.
Lopez: "Click. Oh, I can hear again. What a fucking miracle."

Simmons: Sarge, come in, Sarge. Sarge, do you read? Argh! Lopez! Dammit. Hey, Lopez!
Lopez: "Yes?"
Simmons: Is the radio busted?
Lopez: "Broken radio. How come no one ever wants to talk to me about anything else?"
Simmons: The radio, no work? Call Sarge-o. Yes or no?
Lopez: "You speak English worse than I do. Yes. Radio. Good. Butt. Up yours."
Simmons: Then, how come, I can't, get, Sarge.
Lopez: "Maybe their radio is busted, Einstein."
Simmons: Can, you, fix, it?
Lopez: "Can I fix their radio from here? Sure. Because I am magic. I am a magic robot."
Simmons: How come, in all these years of working with us, you haven't managed to learn one single word of English?
Lopez: "I don't know. Probably trying to avoid conversations like this."

"Please make the pink one stop talking to me."

"Lopez The Heavy will have his revenge!"

Wait, I know how to do this! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, today, to witness, the joining together of Tex, and Church, in eternalness, smuh- speak now, or forever rest in peace! With liberty… and justice… for all. The end!

Tex, I think you are pretty, and you haven't hurt my body in a while, so I was hoping that we could talk and be friends maybe and hold hands, and you would go with me, and when you went with me, you would be my real girlfriend

Tucker: What's stronger than rock? Like super rock.
Caboose: Paper!

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if there's things we'll never explain. You know, like, you know, what if we did answer all the questions? You know, would we live on, like forever, happy with our triumph over ignorance? Or is ignorance just a common enemy that once destroyed, would leave our species without a reason to carry on? I guess it doesn't matter what the answer is...because even if supreme knowledge did bring about the end of our species, the thought of obtaining it is just what would keep us together. You know? People will always look up at the sky...and just wonder why we're here. WATER BISON POWERS, ACTIVATE!

Church: ...I guess he put two and two together.
Caboose: FOUR!
Church: It wasn't a test, Caboose.
Caboose: Yes it was, I win, A.

Look Sergeant, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think they are making up times.

I'm never getting married. My dad always told me, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

[in response to Tucker's comment about how he has no idea what to talk about with "Tucker, Jr"] Tell him how his dad got to third base with you!

Wow, I did not even know the North Pole was in "San Francisco"... This changes everything!

What if Tucker is contagious?! I do not want to catch pregnancy!

Tucker: Tex doesn't trust me right now.
Caboose: Really? Why not?
Tucker: Eh,because I got to use the sniper rifle and I ended up unloading a round into her ass.
Caboose: Hey chicka bump bump!
Tucker: Caboose! What did I tell you about that?
Caboose: Sorry, sorry...

Bow chicka bow wow!

[giving advice to his alien son] The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have enough time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers: invest in real estate. There's no such thing as a permanent record. Always eat breakfast. All the girls on the internet are actually dudes. And you should never, ever, buy the extended warranty on anything. EVER. Also, chicks like it when you tell them they're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to them. So mix it up a little.

Oh fuckberries!

Junior: Bow chicka honk honk!
Doc: Wow. I guess you have been teaching him something.
Tucker: Teach? You dont teach that, that's just genetic!


You just got Sarge'd!

The Blues never sleep! They're too busy plotting to destroy our way of life. That's how you can always spot a Blue, Donut. They're always conniving and scheming. Sometimes they do both! I call that... schenniving!

Son, did you just shoot yourself in the foot?

I hope you brought your wallet... 'cause the rent in Hell gets paid in advance!

Son of a Ben and Jerry! Now who's going to help me eat all this ice cream we found?

Uhh... What was that part about the pregnant guy?

What is your problem with my balls?!


[in response to Simmons yelling shotgun] "i outrank you, get in the back"

[gasping, holding sides] Oof, kicking is hard work...

I would just like to let everyone know... that I suck... and that I'm a girl... and I like ribbons in my hair... [sigh] and I want to kiss all the boys.

No, I never wonder why we are here. Semper Fi, bitch!

Grif: What do we need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck. We'll just split up his duties. You yell at me, and I'll tell you you suck.
Simmons: Get down there, Grif!
Grif: You suck, Simmons! Oh man, this new system is working out great!

Grif: Up yours...
Sarge: What was that?
Grif: Up yours SIR!
Sarge: That's better.

Did you know that in Scotland, they call Wikipedia, Wikiflarfoof.

I just refused to call him Private Donut.

Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun-- fuck.
Donut: Shotgun's lap!
Simmons: Fuck.

Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: Shotgun-- fuck.
Donut: Shotgun's lap!
Simmons: Fuck.

I think yelling should be reserved for only the most critical of situations... like when someone drinks milk from out of the carton.

Oh, you back-stabbing cockbite!

I already told you, I'm Dutch Irish!

Grif: I thought you were Dutch Irish!
Simmons: What? Fuck that shit, just shut up and drive, bitch!

Sarge... can you ambush something that's trying to beat its way through steel to get to you?

You ratted me out, you son of a bitch!

You're about to get Simmonsized!

[regarding his armor color] It's not pink, it's lightish red!

And I dotted all the "I"s with hearts. Tee hee hee! Tee hee!

Simmons! I need your ovaries!

Now it's time to pound some Caboose!

Hey bitch, remember me? I saved something for you!

Okay is this a joke? Did you guys get into my Harry Potter fan fiction?

Donut: And it was obvious I didn't know the guy [the Meta, so shame on you for not introducing us!
Simmons: WHAAAAT?

Donut: You're just disappointed that no one got to use the emergency plan, aren't you Simmons?
Simmons: Sorta.
Donut: Aww there there, don't feel bad. No one has read it anyways!

Donut: By himself? That guy is fucked.
Simmons: Totally.
Donut: That guy's gonna get totally fucked.
Simmons: Dammit Donut!

Easiest invasion ever. In your face Hitler

It's quiet. Too quiet. [Gunshot barely misses him] Suddenly it's too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

Donut: [referring to Doc/O'Malley's swift run up to the teleporters] Wow that guy is wicked fast!
Doc: Thanks! I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find!
Grif: Track sucks!
O'Malley: YOU suck!

Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people, Church. Leadership is about being able to tell others to fire bullets and stab people.

Sister: Yeah, well, they say girls can't ejaculate either. But guess what!
Grif: Haha, yeah. ...Wait, what?

Sister: Aspirin overdose.
Simmons: See? Sarge is dead from a... an aspirin overdose?
Sister: I know, I didn't think it was possible, and trust me, I've tried!
Simmons: Yeah. Wait, what?

Sister: Doesn't sound like I have any of the skills you need. Unless you wanna see my ping pong ball trick.
Church: Yeah... wait, what?

Shit yaoi fangirls like me say:

Sometimes I wish I could die and come back as a gay guy...

looks at seme's girlfriend* Fuck off bitch go burn in a fire!

Why do they make their segments so slashy?

They are making this WAY too easy.

Straight is boring.

Now that NY has legalized gay marriage, I can stalk gay weddings not too far from home!

They would make the cutest baby EVER!!!


LOL so uke...

Sure the guy is going out with the girl, but even the slash couples are cannon in their own way.

Sarge says something about Grif not being able to reproduce* Erm...Sarge, I hate to burst your bubble but...not necessarily. You DO remember what happened to Tucker right?



Don't think of it as a rivalry, think of it as more of a period of sexual tension.

Why is it cannon? I'll tell you why it's cannon! They went through a period of sexual tension and then they teamed, defeated the antagonist, and now they're best friends. SOMETHING had to have happened between the lines here, and it's not just a fancy handshake.


Dude...look at history, it says they fucked. Want proof? Look at a map of North America.

discussing views on incest* Why is it when it's two guys I don't seem to care as much.

It's not pedophilia. Sebastian is a demon, he's not human, and he lives forever. Ergo, in my mind it doesn't count.

This slash couple totally needs more love.

Is it just me or does Nezumi and Shion look A LOT like Kanda and Allen? REINCARNATION FTW!!!!

"I find myself drawn to you..." Well no fuck Shion, you know you want him all up in you!

This animation is weird and very angular's the only yaoi I can find that has the heavy stuff that isn't age blocked to the max.

I like Ri'ko, but...Kaoru and Sentaro belong together.

They totally should've had sex before he left...then he could of left him with a baby.

I may have a line drawn, but it's deep down in the deep blue sea!

Wait...if the seme is like 27 and the uke looks 13 but is really like thousands of years old...who's the pedophile?

This ship will sail itself.


You say mpreg is impossible, hm? Well in my world anything is possible!

(turns to homophobe) WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY EVER DO TO YOU?

(clicks shotgun) You interrupt the wedding I interrupt your heartbeat.

Why the fuck is Twilight in the horror section? It should be in the "this romance sucks" section, but I guess they don't have those.

Fact: Pixar created a better love story in 8 minutes than Twilight did in 4 books.

The teacher told me to draw a smiley face at the end of the equation or I wouldn't get I drew a dead smiley face. (True Story bro)

Post this on your profile if you've ever wondered when you're going to use the Pythagorean Theorem in your life.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Truth or Dare by K.D. Ownz reviews
Soul Eater, Ouran, and Hetalia Characters come together to play TRUTH OR DARE! Also, me, my friends The Awzy Clan and my OCs. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Crossover - Ouran High School Host Club & Soul Eater - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,264 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 12/14/2016 - Published: 10/7/2011
Heatsink by VergofTowels reviews
An unprovoked attack on the Enterprise leaves the ship floundering in space. Meanwhile, Spock is experiencing symptoms of an unknown ailment... How can he possibly tell Kirk? THIS STORY NO LONGER UPDATES.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,465 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 254 - Updated: 10/13/2016 - Published: 8/31/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock
What You May Stumble Upon by MapleSnowchunks reviews
Shion is driving home from his humiliating work, when someone steps out in front of him. Thinking he murdered the man, Shion takes him back to his apartment, only to find the stranger some harassing, sarcastic, jerk named Nezumi.
No. 6 - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 102,542 - Reviews: 357 - Favs: 274 - Follows: 303 - Updated: 7/12/2016 - Published: 5/7/2012 - Shion, Nezumi/Rat
Alone Together by holmesless-assbutt-timelord reviews
(Mental hospital AU) Cas hasn't spoken in nearly 20 years, and he's on the verge of getting thrown out of yet another mental hospital. He is disrespectful, uncooperative, and antisocial, making it very hard for anyone to befriend him. But when Dean is admitted to the hospital, Castiel's whole world turns on it's head. SELF HARM TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 23 & ALTERNATE ENDING!
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 31,800 - Reviews: 385 - Favs: 373 - Follows: 313 - Updated: 3/12/2014 - Published: 4/12/2013 - Dean W., Castiel - Complete
The Inevitable Love Story between Two Oblivious Idiots by bgtea reviews
In which everyone sees the budding romance between Thorin and Bilbo, except, of course, for Thorin and Bilbo themselves.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 123,700 - Reviews: 239 - Favs: 737 - Follows: 329 - Updated: 8/29/2013 - Published: 2/25/2013 - Thorin, Bilbo B. - Complete
Lonely by opens up 4 nobody reviews
A lonely blond and a happy burnett. It all happened because of a stupid English project. Highschool AU Rome/Germania.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 18,383 - Reviews: 98 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 7/18/2013 - Published: 3/26/2012 - Ancient Rome, Germania
HETALIA MEMES XD by psajo reviews
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 2,150 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/24/2013 - Published: 6/10/2013
Echoes by Rish Tor reviews
A long lost face finds its way onto the Enterprise. Afterall, John always swore he'd be around.
Crossover - Star Trek: 2009 & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,176 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 139 - Published: 6/14/2013 - J. Kirk, John Harrison/Khan, Sherlock H., John W.
Reunited by coolyourbutt reviews
A take on the events of the last two episodes of the anime and slightly beyond, focusing on Kaoru's feelings on finding Sentarou again.
Kids on the Slope/坂道のアポロン - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,992 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 20 - Published: 6/8/2013
Behind the Barbed Wire Fence by PiratesCommand reviews
AU/During WW2. Ciel is a young Jewish boy who is forced to live in a concentration camp along with thousands of others. He comes to fall in love with the very man who is keeping him in that prison.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 52,304 - Reviews: 215 - Favs: 219 - Follows: 248 - Updated: 5/8/2013 - Published: 2/22/2012 - Ciel P., Sebastian M.
Wrestling For Our Love by YamixYuugiLover reviews
For the LJ 30Kisses Community: 30 themes, 30 stories, 30 kisses for John Cena and Sheamus. Of course there will be slash/fluuf/and more! 16: Gardenia- For when Cena and Sheamus find themselves relaxing while watching the roster hide colored eggs all around Vince's house, they end up sharing more than free chocolate together...
Wrestling - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,296 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/1/2013 - [John Cena, Sheamus]
My Ways Of Loving You by YamixYuugiLover reviews
Follow John Cena and Sheamus as they go through all sorts of situations while falling for each other along the way! This will be a series/compilation of one-shots that I write off the top of my head! Will be lots of love, friendship, angst, fluff, and of course Cenamus moments! John Cena/Sheamus slash
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,615 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/20/2013 - Published: 3/8/2013 - [John Cena, Sheamus]
Daring Confessions Of The Heart by YamixYuugiLover reviews
It's nearing Valentine's Day, and the Cenation leader still doesn't have a clue on how to confess his feelings to a certain Celtic Warrior. But maybe a simple game of Truth and Dare would change all that at CM Punk's party… John Cena/Sheamus Slash! Cenamus fluff with a hint of a lime!
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,094 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/14/2013 - [John Cena, Sheamus] - Complete
Valentine Surprise by YamixYuugiLover reviews
Today is Valentine's Day, and for the first time ever, Sheamus finally has a boyfriend to lavish gifts upon now. But what happens when his plan backfires and it turns into one crazy day he would never forget? slash John Cena/Sheamus Cenamus one shot!
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,005 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/14/2013 - [Sheamus, John Cena] - Complete
Hugging it Out With Another Man: The Big Finale by bigredfox10 reviews
After thier victory over the Rhode Scholars, Kane and Bryan goes to thier seperate locker rooms so they can pack up and go to the hotel. While Kane was packing, Matt came in and ask Kane for an apology. Even though Kane promise Daniel that he wouldn't hug another man, he decided to apologize and hug Striker. But as promised, Kane gives Daniel the best sex in his life.
Wrestling - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,768 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/11/2012 - Kane, Daniel Bryan - Complete
Hugging It Out With Another Man: Squeal by bigredfox10 reviews
Uh-oh, here we go again. Kane hugs Edge in front of a VERY jealous Daniel Bryan in the ring. Upset that his tag team partner/lover hasn't leran his lesson when he hugged Kofi, Daniel stormed out of the ring and into his locker room. Can Kane find a way to make his tag team partner/lover forgive him for hugging another man for the second time?
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,719 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/11/2012 - Published: 10/1/2012 - Kane, Daniel Bryan - Complete
Dragon Claims and Human Change by Selim reviews
Hiccup didn't know it, but he's been chosen as a Dragon Mate. The world as he knows it changes, leaving him to decide – does he stay with humans or move on with dragons? Anthro-Toothless x Hiccup, mpreg, COMPLETE
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 70,497 - Reviews: 559 - Favs: 1,422 - Follows: 771 - Updated: 12/4/2012 - Published: 11/5/2011 - Toothless, Hiccup - Complete
Beauty and the beast by Screamersgirl200 reviews
Rome treats Germania to an anniversary present that he will never forget This was a Rp between me and TfJazz and I decided to make this little scene into a fanfiction.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 803 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/28/2012 - Ancient Rome, Germania - Complete
I'm used to it by UnifiedNations reviews
Kiku has a tough life at both school and home, and nobody cares. He's used to it. Until he meets an odd stranger who seems to care... why would he? /Future pairings and violence/
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,663 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 11/8/2012 - Published: 6/20/2012 - Japan, Greece
Love BiPolar by TheVampireLucinda reviews
Hot and cold; yes and no; in and out; up and down. I never thought things would turn out like this, but I think it was inevitable to be crazy and in love. Slash! Kane/Daniel Bryan One-shot. Complete!
Wrestling - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,890 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 11 - Published: 9/25/2012 - Kane, Daniel Bryan - Complete
A child by 4-ever-fullmetal reviews
Roy finally pops the question and Ed says yes, but when Ed gets pregnant and enemys use his weakened state against him, will Ed and the child servive? RoyEd mpreg
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 41,182 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 8/31/2012 - Published: 4/19/2011
Anniversary by Wolfen Artist of KilGuin reviews
It's Kiku's anniversary with his boyfriend of one year Heracles. He has a special suprise for his like and no idea that his boyfriend has an even bigger surprise for him. Commision piece for UnifiedNations. One-shot. First time writing for these characters so don't kill me if they're really OOC.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,878 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/26/2012 - Greece, Japan - Complete
Too Old To Dream by scarlettshazam reviews
Eighty-nine and on the edge of death, Stan Marsh relays his story of losing the one he loved. WWII AU oneshot. Style.
South Park - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,588 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 16 - Published: 8/13/2012 - Kyle B., Stan M. - Complete
Una Rosa Blu by Tihany reviews
Odd's mom is in a coma, and he rushes back to Italy to be with his family. But his need for a friend brings Ulrich to Italy with him. UlrichxOdd Rating may or may not change. Formerly The Truth Hurts; name has been changed.
Code Lyoko - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 39,901 - Reviews: 216 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 7/10/2012 - Published: 7/12/2010 - Ulrich S., Odd D.
Goodnight, Sweet Prince by xAllThatIsGoldx reviews
Aragorn finds Legolas in a moment of weakness, resulting in dreams come true- or not. Aragorn/Legolas slash, no one's forcing you to read it. Oneshot
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,500 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 13 - Published: 3/18/2012 - Aragorn, Legolas - Complete
Footfalls of an Elf by Ravenus reviews
Aragorn thinks about his life and realizes that something is missing. This someone has followed him. Male x male. Don't like don't read. COMPLETE. Rated T for safety. Please read and review!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,047 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 74 - Published: 2/22/2012 - Aragorn, Legolas - Complete
Winter Nights by Lirien Aria reviews
3 Christmases since her mothers death, Tohru is finding life at the Sohma house to be unbearable. Try as she might, Tohru can't seem to keep herself together. Tohru has a breakdown, but luckily Hatori is there to calm her down.
Fruits Basket - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,308 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 1/20/2012 - Published: 9/17/2010 - Hatori S., Tohru H.
What I Feel by lostmoonchild reviews
Just let me show you how I feel since words can't describe how much I love you.
Code Lyoko - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,045 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/30/2011 - Odd D., Ulrich S. - Complete
Four Steps by Meiie Wilson reviews
Russia has been in an sad mood lately. Can Latvia help solve that? Fail summery at 5 in the morning
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,023 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/1/2011 - Russia, Latvia - Complete
Stress Relief by Kishiro Kitsune reviews
Germany is really stressed out and Italy tries to make him relax. When he feels the baby moving, he calls for Germany, not knowing his actions will lead to his love calming down. As he drifts off to sleep, Germany begins talking to the baby. mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,445 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 26 - Published: 5/12/2011 - Germany, N. Italy - Complete
The Big News by TyNiaMel96 reviews
A quiet day for Roy gets interrupted when Ed busts through his door. Roy/Ed and mpreg.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 896 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 9 - Published: 4/4/2011 - Edward E., Roy M. - Complete
Touching And Touched by LunarFlare14 reviews
The many occasions that Spock had touched and been touched by Kirk. Spock/Kirk slash.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,076 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 18 - Published: 2/13/2011 - Spock, J. Kirk - Complete
A Work In Progress by crescit eundo reviews
This wasn't supposed to happen; not to him. Yet with the delivery of one little miracle, the world of Kiku Honda is burst open into a bloom of love, discovery, and triumph. Greece/Japan, mpreg, with America and others rounding out the supporting cast.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 25,088 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 10/14/2010 - Published: 8/14/2010 - Japan, Greece - Complete
Crossing the Lines of Right by tee.hee.tummy.tums15 reviews
Warning, warning! Yaoi! Do not tag, flag, ban my work pwease. My friend wanted me to upload this. Hiccup, cursed by a whole new twist on the story of How to Train Your Dragon, is given one last chance with love. When dragons are more than people...!
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,396 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 7/3/2010 - Published: 6/20/2010 - Hiccup, Toothless - Complete
Bloody Wings by Tenshi Wings reviews
Satoshi finally confesses his love for Daisuke! Lots of Yaoi! so if ya don't like it.. To bad!SatoxDai DXK eventually! Disclaimer I don't own DNangel! I reposted some chapters cuz there..eww I didn't like them! so I will continue reposting some more k!Som
D N Angel - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 27,136 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 5/8/2010 - Published: 10/30/2005 - Daisuke N., Satoshi H. - Complete
Haunted by FearfulCaptainBiffElderberry reviews
After a night of passion Ciel becomes pregnant. Smut. Crack. Mpreg. My birthday gift to me! I'm soo happy!
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,229 - Reviews: 287 - Favs: 895 - Follows: 264 - Updated: 1/14/2010 - Published: 6/25/2009 - Ciel P., Sebastian M. - Complete
I Picture Your Smile by VergofTowels reviews
Kirk finds a surprising file on Spock's computer. K/S fluff. Mentioned mpreg.
Star Trek: 2009 - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 445 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 11 - Published: 11/20/2009 - J. Kirk, Spock - Complete
Faithful Party by Mischa-BlackCherry reviews
AU fic It was Francis's annual party. Yao had a good time in the end, despite a psychotic ex.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,275 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/25/2009 - America, China - Complete
You never know by Nekoblue7 reviews
Flame and Fullmetal are in love and had some surprises... twins. How could they handle the new responsibilities and at same time protect their family? AU, Yaoi, Roy/Ed, fluff, Mpreg.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 54,777 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 8/7/2009 - Published: 2/26/2008 - Edward E., Roy M.
They Are by silver chipmunk reviews
Something evil is coming to Bay City, something that hates Starsky and Hutch and is willing to destroy the world for revenge. But they don't have to face the evil alone. The epilogue is now up, with chapter notes, and the story is complete.
Crossover - Starsky and Hutch & Kolchak: The Night Stalker - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Horror - Chapters: 19 - Words: 39,897 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 2/8/2009 - Complete
The life you missed by TenshiShanai reviews
After they have restored Al's body, Ed, Al and their father live together in Resembool. But Ed misses something in the countryside. After a quarrel he runs away. What will he do when he finds himself on the porch of Roy Mustang? EdXRoy, Yaoi, MPreg
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 68,638 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 6/19/2008 - Published: 1/25/2008 - Edward E., Roy M. - Complete
A Day in the Life, 1993 by silver chipmunk reviews
Some people deal with drunken louts. Some people rescue damsels in distress. No change in the story, just changed the description and marked it complete.
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,514 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Blind Faith by A-blackwinged-bird reviews
A car accident leaves the boys stranded on the side of a mountain, fighting for survival...
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,048 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 12/28/2005 - Published: 12/21/2005 - Complete
What Love Brought Into Being by ak-stinger reviews
AL slash and MPREG. Sequel to "What Is Meant To Be", but could be read alone. Four years have passed since Aragorn and Legolas wed. Now the pressure is mounting for Aragorn to provide Gondor with an heir, no matter what. COMPLETE
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 123,541 - Reviews: 873 - Favs: 521 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 5/27/2005 - Published: 9/18/2004 - Legolas, Aragorn - Complete
Voyage of the Damned by Tiffany Park reviews
Starsky and Hutch get lost and wind up in South Park.
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,490 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 5 - Published: 3/10/2000 - Complete
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Let the World Burn reviews
The world is going to shit, as in more than usual. So the Reaper brothers, Kane and Undertaker, along with Kane's partner Daniel (a nature spirit) enlist a little, um, assistance from an ex-marine who was forced to have superhuman powers and an elf with a grudge against humans to prevent the end of the human world. Some shit is about to go down. Rated for later violence and gore.
Wrestling - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,202 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/4/2013 - Published: 6/30/2013 - Kane, Daniel Bryan
Milk reviews
I swear Kane and Daniel Bryan remind of an old married couple, in more ways than one. T because I'm paranoid.
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 658 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/27/2013 - Kane, Daniel Bryan - Complete
Shinderella reviews
Ever since Stephen's mother died from a deadly sickness his guardian, Paul Heyman, has forced him to work without a promise of a brighter future. But when he meets a guy named John at the bar he works nights at he finds himself tumbling through his own Cinderella story. Cenamus Slash don't like don't read. AU
Wrestling - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 17 - Words: 50,327 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 6/30/2013 - Published: 1/29/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
The Old Leather-bound Photo Album reviews
Stephen muses on the past year or so, from the birth of his daughter to the present. MPREG Cenamus don't like don't read
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,472 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/19/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Different stories in different realities, all from the mind of crazed writer born from boredom. It's an experiment! Cenamus AU Don't like don't read.
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,766 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/15/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
Everything but normal reviews
Spawned from a conversation a friend and I had. John Cena and Stephen Farrelly are police officers in NYC, but their routines are anything but normal.
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 537 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/12/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
What if they were benders? reviews
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the WWE Superstars could bend the natural elements? Join Team Hell No, John Cena, Sheamus, Randy Orton, Kaitlyn, and the other Superstars as they improve their bending abilities while having to deal with friendly (and not so friendly) competition!
Crossover - Wrestling & Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,272 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/4/2013 - Published: 5/31/2013 - John Cena, Kane, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus
White Roses and Red Rabbits reviews
Sherlock and John come across probably one of their most difficult cases ever, a girl who can't die. Shiro Phantomhive, the girl in question, begs them to help her find out exactly the how and why on this strange phenomenon. They will uncover dark secrets, mysterious clues, and possibly the worst mistake human-kind has ever made with terrible consequences.
Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,555 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 5/23/2013 - Published: 5/20/2013 - Sherlock H., John W.
The Cheesy confessions of a Cenation leader reviews
John wants to confess his feelings to Sheamus and he couldn't have thought of a better way to do it. was the smartest thing he could come up with. Cenamus slash don't like don't read. Rated for boys kisses.
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,452 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/4/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Behind Bloodstained Walls reviews
Convicted of a crime he didn't commit, John Cena is sent to prison. Now he has to deal with a corrupt warden, vengeful and crazy convicts, and a stripper for a cellmate. But as his stay lengthens, he discovers the prison's many secrets along with the stories of convicts like him, making him question the solidarity of the judicial system. Summery sucks ass, AU rating may go up
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,638 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/3/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
The toothbrush reviews
The infamous toothbrush joke strikes again! Cenamus rated for mention of sexual activity
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 672 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/27/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Kill it with FIRE! reviews
Sheamus reads Twilight and is not amused. Just a little something to help my Cenamus buddy YamixYuugiLover get motivation for LB ;) Love ya YaYu!
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 720 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/14/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
French fries and ice cream reviews
Stephen has cravings, so what is John left to do? Satisfy them, of course. Fluffy Cenamus mpreg
Wrestling - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 972 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/11/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Cenamus vs Macklemore reviews
Sheamus rap's, Cena beat-boxes. Who's idea was this? Oh yeah...LET THE HILARITY ENSUE! Cenamus
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,356 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/11/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Sheamus was Kung-Fu fighting reviews
What happens when Sheamus becomes hyper? He chases Cena around an empty ring, that's what. KUNG FU FIGHTING CENAMUS IF YOU SQUINT
Wrestling - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,133 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Pictures reviews
John is a powerful wizard from a magical place called Merobia, but he fell in love with and married a gifted human named Stephen. But he has to leave for a little while, making his husband wonder when he will return. Only Stephen finds out something shocking, he's pregnant. Will John be able to return in time to get the wonderful news? Cenamus mpreg mini-fic AU
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,207 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/1/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Mermaid Wishes reviews
John received some shocking news. His husband Stephen, who has been in a coma for the past few months, is pregnant with his baby. He'll do anything to help wake him up but feels powerless to do anything. But when he rescues a strange girl in an alley he discovers that miracles really can happen. AU Cenamus MPREG
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,285 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/26/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Happy Birthday Sheamus reviews
After Sheamus' birthday party on RAW John had to give him one more present. Cenamus slash/yaoi don't like don't read.
Wrestling - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,052 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/12/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Anthem of an Angel reviews
Sheamus has forgotten who he was or where he's from. He thought that his problems would end when he escaped that horrible place that has forever scarred him. When he gets in trouble he's taken to a man named John who also has some pain in his past. Will he be able to look past human nature and see a man that loves him, or fall deeper into despair? Cenamus rating may go up. AU
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,045 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/11/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
Twice in a Lifetime reviews
Normally one would think that these kinds of things only happened once in their span of life, but some things just have to be twice in a lifetime. MPREG DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,364 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/5/2013 - Published: 1/14/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Sheamus is dead sexy in a mini-skirt reviews
Sheamus loses a bet, the result...WARNING: cross-dressing, SLASH, CENAMUS DON'T LIKE DON'T READ
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,211 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/4/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus - Complete
Cenamus Songfics reviews
This is exactly what the title says it is. WARNING: WRITTEN BY AN ANIME NUT BOYXBOY SLASH YAOI DON'T LIKE DON'T READ! Cena/Sheamus Cenamus
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,807 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/22/2013 - Published: 1/15/2013 - John Cena, Sheamus
Deadman Love-child reviews
Ganta is pregnant, how will Senji (his boyfriend and father of his child) react? Senji/Ganta SHOTA YAOI MPREG BOYXBOY DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!
Deadman Wonderland/デッドマン・ワンダーランド - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,850 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 41 - Published: 1/9/2013 - Ganta I./Woodpecker, Senji K./Crow
To Judge, to Trust, to Love reviews
Daniel is a rare dragon on the run. When he is attacked by Dragon Hunters he is saved by Kane, the king of the dragons, and brought to his castle. Long ago had Daniel stopped trusting people, but he still finds himself falling in love with the one man who had made him feel safe for the first time in a long time. later mpreg, dragon AU
Wrestling - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,311 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 12/19/2012 - Published: 11/19/2012 - Daniel Bryan, Kane
KANE!: Christmas Special reviews
A little Christmas special for all the hungry readers! Kaniel aka KanexDBry mpreg SLASH/YAOI
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,249 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Daniel Bryan, Kane - Complete
KANE!: Sequel reviews
A bunch of one-shots revolving around the Kaniel MPREG. If you haven't read my other fanfiction KANE! then I suggest you do that right away.
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,628 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 11/18/2012 - Published: 11/8/2012 - Daniel Bryan, Kane - Complete
KANE! reviews
Daniel has an...interesting surprise for Kane. MPREG YOU KNOW I DID!
Wrestling - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 912 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/6/2012 - Daniel Bryan, Kane - Complete
We Never Die reviews
Bottom line a bunch of Hetalia fans go into the mansion in HetaOni to kill Steve. Want to come with us?
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,619 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/26/2012 - Published: 5/8/2012
The MissAdventures of Mei, Madeline, and Marylyn reviews
Part of "Surprise Series", if you have not read Surprise America!, Watching the Sun Set, and Another Surprise then read those before clicking this . The miss-adventures of America and China's children Mei, Madeline, and Marylyn! Amechu/AmericaxChina past mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,608 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 9/18/2012 - Published: 4/5/2012 - America, China
A blissful night reviews
In which Martis and Oreldo take their relationship to the next level. Oreldo x Martis WHOOP WHOOP
Pumpkin Scissors/パンプキン・シザーズ - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,104 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/10/2012 - Complete
Dream turned to Reality reviews
Oreldo takes his chin into his forefinger and thumb and lifts Martis' face up so that they're looking at each other. Martis looks upon Oreldo's face with wide eyes, his face turning even redder. He notices that look in Oreldo's eyes, but now he can tell what that glint is. Now he can't believe he didn't know what is was earlier, that spark in his friends eyes. Oreldo x Martis
Pumpkin Scissors/パンプキン・シザーズ - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,447 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/3/2012 - Complete
Through the Mirror reviews
A modern day magical Otaku finds a magic mirror in a secret storage room in a dance studio that leads her to the world of LOTR, and she couldn't have picked a worse time to visit. Wiith out a way back home, she must fight along side of Aragorn and Legolas to stop the Orcs from rising up again and take over Middle-Earth. Aragorn/Legolas slash, rated T for my potty mouth.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,918 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/26/2012 - Aragorn, Legolas
of an Angel reviews
As if by fate the Starsky and Hutch come across a girl named Angel. For unknown reasons she doesn't speak yet she communicates with hand signs and other ways as well. Sometimes they can't help but feel that she's trying to tell them something. Even though she doesn't speak her unsaid words show them a world of love and hate and makes them realize their love for each other. Slash
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,552 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 7/7/2012 - Published: 7/6/2012
Zebrea 3, where are you? reviews
Starsky and Hutch somehow find themselves in 2012 Tokyo, Japan Now they must trust three anime nutcase yaoi fangirls to help them get back to their own time. Plus they can't help but think that they recognize one of the girls. minor slash
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,131 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/18/2012
She called us Hutsky reviews
Starsky finds out that he's pregnant with Hutch's child. Now he must seek the help of his ginger neighbor Jessie to help him through this. But there's another thing...when will he tell hutch? mpreg Slash
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,830 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/16/2012 - Published: 6/5/2012 - Complete
Go Google It reviews
In which America and China run into some...interesting things on Google. slight Amechu one-shot
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 823 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/15/2012 - America, China - Complete
Who Tops? reviews
In which I tell Starsky and Hutch who tops.
Starsky and Hutch - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,397 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/12/2012 - Complete
More Than They Expected reviews
What happened the night England gave birth to America and Canada? Read and find out. FrUk/France x England, FACE family, mpreg. rated T for mild blood and mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,540 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 29 - Published: 5/27/2012 - England/Britain, France - Complete
Burn in Hell: a Blue Eyes Parody reviews
If you have read Blue Eyes by shottersnation than I'm pretty sure you remember what happened after Luddy got slapped with the keys in a early chapter. Well...this is an alternative to what would happen if a certain fangirl was there. Enjoy!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: M - English - Parody/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,883 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/6/2012 - Germany - Complete
The lady in the Woods reviews
When they were young, Rome and Germania saw a beautiful women dancing to strange music near a pond in the woods, what happens when they meet her again as adults? Especially when she's seeking their help. Rome/Germania
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,415 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/27/2012 - Ancient Rome, Germania
The Rebellion of the Hetalians reviews
Everyone has put up with the Hunger Games for years, but what happens when our beloved Hetalia characters are chosen to fight to the death? Hell hath no fury like a fangirls scorn.
Crossover - Hunger Games & Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 11 - Words: 14,544 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 4/17/2012 - Published: 2/11/2012
Kisses in the Rain reviews
Out of no where America asks China to go to the zoo with her after an argument with Britain. Does America have a crush on China, or did England put her up to this? Amechu Fem!AmericaxFem!China
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,197 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/7/2012 - America, China - Complete
Beware the Leeks reviews
One word, mpreg. Len x Kaito. Len is pregnant with Kaito's child, how will things go for this odd couple? Throw in an obsessed yaoi, anime, and Vocaloid fan and see what happens!
Vocaloid - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,881 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 3/29/2012 - Published: 3/27/2012 - Kaito S., Len K.
What it Took reviews
Italy notices that germany hasn't been acting like his normal self ever since he woke up and screamed at his own reflection. It is strange but due to this Germany will figure out who he once was. This is what it took. slight Gerita
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,237 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/26/2012 - Germany, N. Italy - Complete
Scissors and Nations reviews
What happens when the Nations are some how transported to the world of Pumpkin Scissors? A series of interesting events, thats what! Pumpkin Scissors Hetalia crossover
Crossover - Hetalia - Axis Powers & Pumpkin Scissors/パンプキン・シザーズ - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,558 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/11/2012 - Published: 1/15/2012
Feli Possible reviews
Basically what it would be like if Hetalia characters were in Kim Possible. GermanyxFem!Italy AusHun character adjustments
Crossover - Kim Possible & Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,381 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 6 - Published: 3/10/2012 - N. Italy
Hold my Hand reviews
Title sucks vidal reigons. Tikal is a lonely princess of her tribe. She finds comfort in going to pray to the Master Emerald. When she wishes for a friend, she is in for a big surprise.
Sonic the Hedgehog - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,630 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/22/2012 - Tikal, Chaos
A series of Hetalia Poems reviews
I decided to write poems for my favorite Hetalia couples and characters! Amechu/AmericaxChina, FrUk/FrancexEngland, Giripan/GreecexJapan, Gerita/GermanyxItaly, Spamano/SpainxRomano
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 2 - Words: 354 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/9/2012 - Published: 2/7/2012 - America, China
Another Surprise reviews
Sequel to Watching the sun Set/threequel to Surprise America!. Looks like China has another surprise for America….oh boy. Amechu/AmericaxChina mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,336 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/9/2012 - America, China - Complete
More than any War reviews
The war has gone on for 10 years and the last thing on everyone's mind is love. That is except for America. He hasn't seen his old friend China since the war started and wondering how he's been doing. But what happens when his firend becomes his prisinor?
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,243 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 1/28/2012 - Published: 1/11/2012 - America, China
Watching the sun Set reviews
This time America has a surprise for China. Sequel to Surprise America! America x China/Amechu mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 809 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/24/2012 - America, China - Complete
Seal it with a Kiss reviews
All this time China has bee secretly a girl unsure if she can trust anyone with the secret. But when America finds out on accident she must make sure that he won't tell anyone. But how? Seal it with a kiss. America x China/Amechu
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,373 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/14/2012 - America, China - Complete
Little Kitten reviews
Lately Japan hasnt beem feeling good, but he's not sick. Greece offers to take care of him but it takes onee-chan with the help of America to figure out what's wrong with him. mpreg
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,920 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 1/12/2012 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Greece, Japan - Complete
Karaoke Night reviews
Japan invites his friends over for karaoke thinking nothing of it. But will these songs bring out the true feelings they have for each other? Or will they hog the mic? Amechu/AmericaxChina Gerita/GermanyxItaly Spamano/SpainxRomano GreecexJapan/Giripan
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,400 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 15 - Published: 1/12/2012 - America, China
A stormy night Romance reviews
Japan has to stay at Greece's house due to a thunderstorm. Not many know it but Japan is afraid of thunderstorms. Will Greece be able to comfort him? Read and find out.
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,275 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 6 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Greece, Japan - Complete
Broken Memories reviews
Germany is begining to remember his days as the Holy Roman Empire. But memories represed that long tend to hurt. Germany/Italy Gerita
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,553 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Germany, N. Italy - Complete
Surprise America! reviews
China has a little surprise for America. How will the young nation react? Read and find out!
Hetalia - Axis Powers - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 704 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/11/2012 - America, China - Complete